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A09036 Cures for the itch Characters. Epigrams. Epitaphs. By H.P. Parrot, Henry. 1626 (1626) STC 19328; ESTC S119941 37,493 142

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henceforth vows to credit him no more Then how to shift full little Vincent knowes But must despairing raile vpon the Muses That of his time hath made no better vses Vxor fortier WIll by the wars would seeme a dominierer But An his wife hath bin the Ancient-bearer Merxconcelata COdrus at Christmas casts vp his accounts What he hath clearly got the yeere before But neuer notes what 's wiues receipts amounts Which valued would arise to ten times more Indeed his wares in open shop were sold Whiles she scarce hers in priuate durst vnfold HOw much might men commend the worth of those That well could pen their Epigrams in prose For many Rimes roue oft so far from reason As but of times consisting are not season Ad Momum MAist thou nere read my lines or hear them read Or see them Momus for I wish thee dead Coacta ferenda THese Rimes you see vnknown compos'd conceall'd Had nere by me beene showne disclos'd reueald Much lesse at latter Lammas past in print Had not some secret reason since beene in 't Which volens nolens caus'd me afterwards Shuffle againe and deale about the Cards EPITAPHS On M. Thomas Fitton and his wife Winifred ON fat Tom Fitton and his leane wife Win May thus be written Here lyes thick and thin On a faire young Maid BEhold here Time inters who would not spare those cornly corps of hers which worms must share On Edward Alcocke CAuse of the dead nought must be said but good T is well for Ned that nought be vnderstood On Iohn Garret GOne is Iohn Garret who to all mens thinking For loue to claret kil'd himself with drinking On Mistris Bonner WHiles Mrs Bonner dressing was her head Death stole vpon her so strook her dead On Thom. Cromwell HEre lyes Tom. Cromwell did much mony spend Louing a Bom well to his latest end On Gregory the Drawer GReg. laid in 's graue who cā but deep deplore it That so much liquor gaue scorn'd to score it On Kate Hill HEre lies a Maid whom men call'd Katherin Hil That true was said dy'd much against her wil. On a poore Fidler DEad was that Fidler found the fifth of Iune whose thē sweet musicks foūd wēt out of tune On a rich Tanner HEre buried now you see our brother Tanner Whose skin must curried be in other manner On a Gardner THose fragrant Roses on thy coffin spred Thy corps incloses with thee liuing dead On a Gallant WHo cloth of Tissue wore here flat doth lye Hauing no Issue more then that in 's thigh On a Cobler SEe how pale death which no man may withstand Hath stopt his breath was on the mending hand On a Ioyner LO here from strife rests honest Iohn our Ioyner Who all his life was neuer knowne purloener On a Player HE that on stages oft-times iesting plaid To after ages hath now earnest payd On a proud rich man HE that so proud late liu'd and spar'd no cost In lockram shroud lies buried in the frost On a Traueller WHo traueld oft from countries east and west Still gaining nought now rich at length doth rest On Iohn West HEre lyes Iohn West who wearied with a wife For quiet rest desir'd to end his life On George Rust. RVst laid in dust see how his son is rais'd That liu'd on trust till now the Lord be praisd On old Ralph OLd Ralph bereft of this life transitory The world hath left which made him wondrous sory On a Porter THou from a Porters trade bearing we see Hast other Porters made by bearing thee On a Waterman HEre sleeps Will Slater who by deaths command Hath left the water to possesse the land On a great personage LO here 's his greatnesse laid which whiles it stood Was seldome seen or said did any good On a Taylor CRuell was Atropos to cut his threds Made garments fit for those now turn'd to shreds On Dol Prowt HEre lyes Dol Prowt whose dayes left death should wrong her Were so worne out as she could liue no longer On Stephen Spooner DEath hath time borrowed of our neighbour Spooner Whose wife much sorrowed that he dy'd no sooner On Iohn Long. HEre sleeps I. Long who liu'd till new-Newyears tide Full fourscore strong but then fell sick dy'd On a Bellowes maker WHo so much breath to others daily sold For want of breath no longer life can hold On a Welchman WHo liuing least espy'd his life should leese By meere Mathegglin dy'd and tosted cheese On a Tobacconist WHo much Tobacco puft more then his part With smoake his lungs had stuft but had no heart On old Iohn a Tree LEt all men passing by behold and see Here low doth buryed lye old Iohn a Tree On a mad man HE now in sadnesse layd is in his graue That late with madnesse did so raile and raue On a Iugler HE that so skilfull could play fast and loose Kild himselfe wilfull eating so much Goose. On Mal Keeme DEath it should seeme with doome too much oredeeming Hath tane Mal Keeme before her time of teeming On Mistris Bab. DEath playd the Scab that had so soon enthrald Fine mistris Bab not knocking ere it cald On a Sluggard SOmnus that slept his fill in time of need Prayes you accept the will as for the deed In Samuelem SAm of a surfet dy'd thought rich to be But how you 'ld proue that tride pray ask not me On Iohn Cooling a Player DEath hath too soon remou'd from vs Io. Cooling That was so well belou'd and liu'd by fooling In Thomam Speed MAd wenches bewaile you for dead is Tom Speed Was nere wont to faile you at all times of need In Walterum Moone HEre lyes Wat Moone that great Tobacconist Who dy'd too soone for lacke of Had I wist In Mechum Io. Cartir DEath meant to play the Box on thee Iohn Cartir That from a sturdy Oxe hath made a martyr In Lodovicum SIr Lewes that went from London to lead a country life Hath made himself quite vndone by burying of his wife In Radulphum RAlph bids adue to pleasures good or ill But tels you true t is much against his will In Dorotheam Rich. HEre resteth yong Dol Rich that dainty drab Who troubled long with itch dy'd of the scab On Iohn Batts the Brewer BOld spitefull fates that in the pit durst tumble Courteous Iohn Batts that brewd good Ale of Bumble On Christopher Fowler LEt all say what they can t is known Kit Fowler Was held an honest mā thogh no good bowler On Iohn Frend. HOw ere by luck orethrown t is like Iack Frend Was no mans foe but 's own and ther 's an end In meipsum GOod neighbours if ye marke my turne comes next on Who liuing long a Clarke must dye a Sexton In Latronem HE that so stout was knowne made others stand Himselfe hath quite orethrown without command In Io. Owin WIth fame more famous shall thy fame nere dead Cause thee outlasting liue eternized In eundem THose shortest sharpest lines best wit could mētiō Were short cōpar'd to thy more sharpe inuentiō In eundem WEll had these words bin added to thy Herse What ere thou spak'st like Ouid was a verse In D. Wake durum opulentum WAke with long watching is at length laid sleeping For losse of whom there needs but little weeping That nere was lou'd or knowne for good house keeping On a young man newly maried THe world and thou art quickly gone about That but new entring in art entred out On a late made Lady ILL lucke to liue no longer Ladifi'd Who that day twelue-month wedded that day dy'd On a Merchant WHo frō accounts recknings nere could rest At length hath summ'd vp his Quietus est On a Lawyer HEre lyes a Lawyer freed from strifes and iarres Of Kings-bench Chācery or Exchequer bars On a Potter HE that on clay his chiefest trust repos'd Is now in clay in stead of dust inclos'd On a Captaine WHo late in wars did dread no foes in field Now free of scars his life in peace doth yield On Sir Patricke an Irishman DEath on Sir Patricke playd an Irish part That at 's own weapon stabd him to the hart On a rich feeder SIrogites merito cuinam laus propria detur Here lyes the man was late a Capon-eater On a rich Baker OVr Baker's dead and layd in earth Who liu'd by Bread in time of dearth On an Vsurer THat all those goods and riches scrap't together Shold w th himself depart knows not whither On a Wrestler DEath to this wrestler giues a cunning fall That tript his heeles and takes no hold at all On Dick Hawks DIck seem'd of death so wondrous discontented As more of breath then any thing repented On a Tinker WHo liuing many a hole had tinkling stopt Now dead into a hole is stincking popt On a Miller DEath without warning waxt as bold as briefe Kild two in one a Miller and a Thiefe On a Butler VNgentle Death with spitefull spade to digge it For Dicke so quicke and nimble at the spiggit On a Cooke DEath through the pastry peeping in disguise Took poor Tom Cook from making of his pies On a Cutpurse DEath hath that cut-purse seiz'd on at Alhallowes Who by good hap hath so escap't the Gallowes On a Scriuener MAy all men by these presents testifie A lurching Scriuener here fast boūd doth lye On a Saylor drowned THou that on Haddocks many one hast fed May Haddocks feed vpon thee now th' art dead On a Poet. HEre lies that Poet buried in the night Whose purse mē know it was exceeding light VT tibi lecta placent mea sic mihi scripta placebunt Indicio servit gratia nostra tuo Abjicis ista ferus moritur mea Musa dolendo Accipis ista libens Illa quod optat habet FINIS
CVRES FOR THE ITCH Characters Epigrams Epitaphs By H. P. Scalpat qui tangitur LONDON Printed for Thomas Iones at the signe of the Blacke Rauen in the Strand 1626. To the courteous Reader IT is now almost two yeares expired when liuing in the Country that long Vacation I wrote these Epigrams and Epitaphs adioining which then nor since I would consent nor was it fit indeed they should bee published till now on times more prosperous opportunity These Characters besides though first here mentioned were now of later times by me composed which not so fully perfected as was meant I did not thinke should haue past the presse If any thing howeuer may proue acceptable I shal a little seem more glad being so much lesse discredited by these vaine houres of mine mis-spent which should haue beene you will say on better exercises You cannot possibly dislike the one more then I willing would reforme the other Si tantum detur mihi libera potestas occasio Meane while submitting to your fauourable Censures I humbly rest Yours to be commanded H. P. To the Criticke-seeming Censurer THou maist be curteous for ought I know without the least of carping or deprauing let thy wits excellence or worths best estimate be what it will Marry Sir then might it be askt me why I should thou thee or any Gentleman of those indowments My answer briefly though not worth the answering is that thy betters haue much more endured and daily doe accept without exceptions But to the businesse Here 's a new Booke or rather new Brood as a man may call it of some vnusuall odde inuentions hastily hatcht without obseruance of time rule or reckoning and therfore little know I yet what may become of them nor dare I promise more on their behalfes then that they either may starue through pouerty or desperately lye vpon the parish for want of shelter so farre vnlikely will it be I know to finde the owners or fathers out who questionlesse will quite disclaim them to be their Bastards though nere so iumpe a like in qualities as can or may be possibly required But to leaue Metaphors I know I shall bee fowly censured and that by none so much as those that are or haue beene of mine own acquaintaine I mean not such as are iudicious whom I loue and reuerence but other sort of prouder vpstarts that would bee wiser then their ancestors because a little bolstered vp since their forgetfull base beginnings I should but vex my selfe and ill detaine you with the report of things so friuolous which ceasing so much as but to thinke vpon If any man shall question me Quorsum haec inania scripsi t is ten to one I answer not directy more then thus that what 's done and past cannot bee recald Therefore in briefe without least complements as I said before whatsoeuer to others may proue distastfull shall vnto me be twice as odious and there 's an end Characters BY H. P. LONDON Printed for Tho Iones Characters A Ballad-maker IS a kinde of Owle or Batt that flyeth in the night and dares not his deformities should appeare by day Hee 's one that from first shamelesse desperate become of late to bee more impudent sets this last rest vp for his latest refuge His Primum mobile of ragged ancestry sprang from the patchings of some paltry Poet Whence learning how to rime vnreasonably makes this the maine-Mast of his occupation His choisest plots or grounds to worke vpon are drawn most commonly from theeues and murderers or such notorious malefactors as puts him in great hope to purchase forty pence His highest ambition he aymes at is to be intituled The Times intelligencer or Nuncius of Newes at the second hand The Punckes late Ballad of the new Bridewell was his cheife Master-peece that purchast him perhaps a coblers paire of boots ouer aboue his vsuall bargaining Hee spends most past of his time in 's bed partly for sauing charge of botching but chiefly deuising what were best to write on when no one cals on him for what 's to pay Omnia mea mecum c. may very rightly be verified in him that hath no riches more then what he weares and comes to him commonlie by deed of gift The Alewife is inforst to trust him weekely and that without all hope of hauing ought vnlesse some Pallad chance to be compos'd vpon some dismall or dolefull accident as may be sung to the tune of welladay If any thing happen to helpe besides it must accrew from the next Sessions prouided there be some to trauel westward on whom he is to make that recantation as if himselfe were the Theame hee writes on No massacre or murder comes to him amisse but brings sufficient matter for inuention Wherein he shewes himselfe so nimble that if any witch bee by chance condemned hee 'l haue a ballad out in print before such time as she goes to Tyburne wherein all her confession and the manner of her death shall be described by way of Prophesie witnesse the famous witch of Edmonton condemned at New-gate about foure yeares past No Printer deales with him that loues his credit but must be thereunto induc'd for want of worke and then the Presse begins to sweat when monstrous newes comes Trundling in the way His greatest volume done in Folio is to bee purchast but for two brasse tokens which either you may please to light Tobacco w th or sacrifice to A-iax for purgation In briefe the summe of all his practices is but to shift him sometime in cleane linnen that he appeare not louzie to posteritie and so I leaue him A Tapster IS another Mephostophilus or visible spirit that 's dayly diuing into Vauts and Cellars the custome of whose clamor is to cry anon and restlesse post him to and from the Spiggot Hee s one whose races first deriuatiue grew from the dregs but of some Brewers Dray-man who for his liquors larger vtterance bindes him apprentice to an Inkeeper where quickly learning to chalke two for one as also how to fill with nicke and froth becomes a Drawer for the Deuills owne drinking Hee s a sworne wellcomer of all sorts of Drunkards that sit and call for 't at their costs and perills His Cullionship oft-times becomes a Creditor that either must be forst to trust his betters or cheat his Master if they pay not for it Your Puncke or Oyster-wench excepted onely may score it at all times vpon bare trust which hee s contented to take out in drudgery Your Country Tapsters are of other kinde sworne often brothers vnto Ostlers and so consenting to each others secrets as that to robberies they oft proue Accessories Hee nere could teach himselfe more how to pray then that salt meat be euer in request and may not want stale Beere to serue his customers which must not so much quench as kindle thirst and to that knauish end the Brewer and he well know that Rosin is a good