Selected quad for the lemma: death_n
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A23632
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A narrative of God's gracious dealings with that choice Christian Mrs. Hannah Allen (afterwards married to Mr. Hatt,) reciting the great advantages the devil made of her deep melancholy, and the triumphant victories, rich and sovereign graces, God gave her over all his stratagems and devices.
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Allen, Hannah.
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1683
(1683)
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Wing A1025; ESTC R41221
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20,554
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91
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carry me to Newgate to prevent which I studied several ways to make away my self and I being so much alone and in a large solitary House had the more liberty to endeavour it first I thought of taking Opium that I might dye in my Sleep and none know but that I dyed naturally which I desired that my Child might not be disgraced by my untimely end and therefore sent the Maid to several Apothecaries shops for it some said they had none others said it was dangerous and would not sell it her Once she had got some and was coming away with it the Master of the Shop coming in asked what she had and when he knew took it from her this the Maid told me When I had sent her up and down several days and saw she could get none then I got Spiders and took one at a time in a Pipe with Tobacco but never scarce took it out for my heart would fail me but once I thought I had been poysoned in the night awaking out of my sleep I thought I felt death upon me for I had taken a Spider when I went to Bed and called to my Brother and told him so who presently arose and went to his Friend an Apothecary who came and gave me something to expel it the next day my Uncles and Brother considering the inconveniency of that lonesome House removed me to Mr. Peter Walker's House a Hosier at the Three Crowns in Newgate-Market whose Wife was my Kinswoman who received me very courteously though I was at that time but an uncomfortable Guest In the time I was at my Brother's I had strange apprehensions that the Lights that were in Neighbouring houses were apparitions of Devils and that those Lights were of their making and if I heard the voice of People talk or read in other houses I would not be perswaded but that it was Devils like Men talking of me and mocking at my former reading because I proved such an Hypocrite Madam As for the time I was at my Cousin Walker 's I refer your Ladyship to them or any Friend else that may assist you only I have here set down several passages as they came to my mind which passed there which your Ladyship may make use of as You please One time while I lay at my Cousin Walker's having promised a Friend that was very importunate with me to go to a Sermon with her about two or three days after the Devil began to terrifie me for making that promise and suggested to me that I had much better break it than keep it for I had enough Sermons to answer for already and sitting in great distress contriving how I might put off my going the Devil found me out a place on the top of the House a hole where some boards were laid and there I crowded in my self and laid a long black Scarf upon me and put the boards as well as I could to hide me from being found and there intended to lye till I should starve to death and all the Family and others concluded I had stoln out at the Door unknown to them to go lose my self in some Wood which I much talked of but when I had lain there almost three days I was so hungry and cold it being a very sharp Season that I was forced to call as loud as I could and so was heard and released from that place While she was at Mr. Walker's house a Minister being desired to come and discourse with her did come and finding her in a more dejected state than any he ever saw did oft visit her and perceiving little visible good effect of his conferences with her proposed to Preach a Sermon to her that might suit her condition hoping God might bless that Ordinance to her that she might hear the voice of Joy and Gladness that so the bones that God had broken might rejoyce she consented to hear his Sermon and when upon the day appointed he came to dispence the word he found her writing the ensuing Lines to dissuade him Sir This is to beseech you as you would detract a few scalding drops of the fury of the Almighty from my poor miserable and ever to be abhorred Soul to all Eternity that you cease your study upon any subject on my account and likewise your Prayers and instead of that pray to God to rid the World immediately of such a Monster who am not only guilty of all the sins of the Devil but likewise of such crimes as he is not capable of which you will say is incredible but woe and alas 't is true This is all she had written the Minister coming in unexpectedly prevented what she further intended to write Afterwards the Minister invited her to his House where she was above a Week but very loath to engage in any Duty The Minister's Wife did sometimes importune her to pray with her but could not prevail she always excusing herself from her unfitness to take the holy and reverend Name of God within her polluted lips Dead Dog Damn'd Wretch she dare to speak to the great God she expressed so great an awe and dread of the glorious and fearful Name of God as discovered much grace in her most desponding state to them that conversed with her Some years after her recovery she returning to London came to the aforesaid Minister and his Wife declaring to them God's great Goodness to her in manifesting himself to her Soul and returned hearty thanks to them for their tenderness to her in her dejected state From his Observation of the ground of her Trouble he advises all Christians to mortifie inordinate Affection to lawful things Col. 3.5 I would say that Pashurs doom belonged to me Jerem. 20.3 that I was Magor-Missabib a Terrour to my self and all my Friends that I was a Hell upon Earth and a Devil incarnate for that which I prayed against in hypocrisie God had brought upon me in reality for I used to have frequently in my Prayers such an expression as this apprehending the vileness of my Nature if God should leave me to my self I should be an Hell upon Earth a Terrour to my self and all my Friends and because this was in Hypocrisy therefore God had brought it on me in reality Sometimes when they had told me I had been Prayed for I would say they did not pray for me for I was not to be prayed for for the Scripture said That they who had sin'd the sin unto death were not to be Prayed for And when a good Friend of mine Mr. Blake came daily and unweariedly to see me I would Ask him Why he yet came seeing I rejected his Counsel And Christ bid his Messengers shake the dust of their Feet off against such I would say Because I have built my Fabrick upon the Sand so high therefore my fall is so dreadful When I was told of some that were possest with the Devil and were by Prayer dispossest I would reply What tell