Selected quad for the lemma: death_n
Text snippets containing the quad
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A27261
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A loving salutation to all people who have any desires after the living God but especially to the free-will-Anabaptists / from ... I. Beevan.
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Beevan, J. (John)
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1660
(1660)
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Wing B1696; ESTC R10285
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8,133
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8
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the book was opened all that ever I had done was laid before me and my Good and evil was all judged I would have ran any way to have hid my self or to any one but I thought none was like me thus was my condition several weeks together I sought death in that day but I could not find it I would fain have dyed but death fled from me when day appeared I was afraid and also of the night many were the temptations to end my life but there was a secret power kept me from it and as I kept low I heard a voice cry Just and Righteous are the Judgements of the Lord and as I kept in a hope of deliverance was raised contrary to that Serpents voice for he said it would never be otherwise so yet I waited till some prophesies arose that Sorrow should endure for a Night but Joy should come in the Morning and so it was that as mine Enemies fell my Soul rejoyced my hard Heart was broken and the Lamb got the Victory and a precious condition I did enjoy and then were the Scriptures pretious to me as I came to witness to them and Sion was redeemed through judgement as it is at this day Now this is to inform your mindes that no other Way do I own no other Truth no other Life no other Rock no other Refuge no other hiding place in time of need then I owned at that day my Judgement is the same and my Guide my Teacher and my Life is the same now Why is this wonder both with Professor and Prophane at my great change It is nothing else but a woman that hath run after many Lovers returned to her former Husband again Now praises praises to his great Name for ever who did not shut up his Tender Compassion nor Seal me up for the day of Destruction Come let us Reason together of former Experiences though it will not be mentioned but to your sorrow and call to minde the Lords Doings my Soul was never so poured forth with pitty towards you nor laid so naked and bare before you you that were with me in that discovery aforementioned and many Revilings Mocks Scoffs Reproaches did we bear together and esteemed them as great Riches And did you not know a day of Suffering within you and drank deep of the Cup of the Lords fury and indignation which you called trouble And did you not know in some measure the Warfare and a daily Cross in the self-denyal of your own Words Wayes and Wills to yea and nay in your communication and to few words and did you not know a more purer Separation from the World then in Words and Houses Sink down and digg deep in your earthly hearts and read me there Did you not feed on daily bread in your Fathers house and on the Tree of Life whose Leaves healed the Nations And did you not loose that pretious estate by reaching out after the Tree of Knowledge and labouring to know more in the Scriptures then your lives could witnesse Both Teachers and others to that of God do I direct you who shall Witness for me in the day of the Lords Power and he that could speak most and discourse best was most esteemed and had forgotten the Antient Paths and much proving our selves to be Saints when our lives shewed before whose Servants we were as Saul when the Spirit of the Lord was departed from him then honour me before the people when he had lost the Honour that cometh from God then the image of the Beast was set up whose head was of gold and the false prophet and he that would not bow unto them must have no communion with us and they got a cover to cover deceit as Pride they called Decency Coveteousnesse Carefulnesse and Saving and Laughter they called rejoycing in the Lord Foolish-jesting and lying and anger and Malice they called Weaknesse and Failings Jangling about the meanings of Scriptures they called Contending for the Faith But really I could not own these things until I was Married then the Branches that were broken off for many years began to sprout again and then was I shut out of that Scripture there be Gods many and Lords many but to us there is but one God I durst not read it for the witnesse of God in my Conscience told me that I did set up in my heart other things beside the Lord as Husband and other Riches which soon did fall and now I set my Seal to the Apostles Words that Covetousnesse is the Root of all evil the same Light I now own did then shew me that I was in the Worlds Nature and did Condemn me when none else did for when things prospered I could be merry but when my Will was crossed anger and peevishnesse grew up I thought to cover my self saying all others were in that estate but that Covering was too narrow though the Administration of Condemnation is Glorious in its time yet another estate must be witnessed before peace be witnessed When I was by my self sober I saw my estate and that there was a great Gulf or a Cloud drawn between the Lord and I but all this while who could accuse me without and often there was brought to a perfect remembrance my former pretious condition I sat by the Waters of Babylon when I remembred Sion then I broke mine heart pouring out my Soul saying Cursed be the day that ever I tasted of that Fruit that was forbidden yea I wish that my tongue had cloven to the Roof of my Mouth rather then I should have spoke of one Scripture that I could not witnesse yea it is a repentance never to be repented of in this condemned estate I remained Then I questioned my Faith my hope and my Love my Repentance my Meat Drink and Aparrel though it was like to others who were called pretious Saints I knew not what to do nor which way to take sometimes I saw the Gate of Mercy opened but no way to enter but through Judgement I was willing to wait therein but when I felt it terrible with a mighty cross to the will of the flesh then I would mind another thing I heard a cry run through me saying their Servants you are to whom you obey whether in obedience to Righteousness or unrighteousnesse I had no rest at last I replyed Ah Lord do I not keep all thy Commandments he said nay I said do I not serve thee with Truth of heart The answer was whom dost thou serve when thou dost evil a man cannot serve two Masters and then my mouth was stopt then I would shun those thoughts then was brought to remembrance how I had read many years before a of man that when sad thoughts was in his heart he would get some merry thing to drive them away I had no rest I heard of a people called Quakers I enquired as the manner of professors did what was their Judgement let never so much humility