of such after whose Copy they desire to write Thanks be to God they are not a few even in this Age of whose Exemplary Lives there are divers Passages fit to be published And tho' it would be endless to write all their Lives yet now and then to set forth a bright Example may be of singular Advantage Such as knew this or the other Person in particular and were themselves Witnesses of the Truth of several things related will be more apt to be influenced by such an Account than by the like or greater things related of others who have been dead many Years ago or their Lives written by such who never personally were acquainted with them And by such Examples we see that strict and serious Religion is possible and that if your Hearts are set to please God it is not to be despaired of If I can by the following Narrative excite any to value and improve their Time better whereof he was so very choice and careful If I can blow up any Coal of that Divine Fervor and Zeal to God that warm'd his Heart if I can but provoke any to mend their Pace by considering how short they come of what he was and did I shall think I did well to publish it However as the Word of God delivered in the Holy Scriptures and dispensed in the Ministry thereof hath divers and contrary Effects upon different Subjects from which God will raise his own Glory so will it be with this Relation But if the Reader gain no Advantage by the perusing of it he must blame himself for not considering and applying it with sutable Reflections For he may here find the Description of a Real Christian a true Nathaniel an Israelite indeed I am not very solicitous to avow my Integrity as to the Truth of every thing related because besides what I have asserted of him from my own Knowledge all that have lived in his Family and many others of his Acquaintance in this City will readily subscribe to the Truth of the rest Tho' the best Discovery of him is what is transcribed from his own Papers For who can know the inward State and Frame of another Man's Soul but by his own Declaration of it some way or other It must be opened some way or other by himself or it cannot be published and made known to others The inmost Secrets of a Man's Heart towards God cannot be so well known by the strictest Observation of other Men. What I have gathered out of his own Manuscripts is published without altering any thing material in the Expressions unless here and there on Word where the Phrase was dark or subject to Ambiguity If in some things there seems not that Exactness which some Readers would desire it ought to be considered that there are other Readers to whom they may be more sutable who are not to be neglected And as to his manner of expressing himself you must remember he was a plain Citizen and one who had no need of a polish'd Stile or any Advantages to gain it Besides what he wrote was only for the Comfort of his own Soul and if he had any farther Eye for the use of those of his own Family whose Love and Regard to him might imprint deeper on their Minds and Hearts what was done by him tho' with less Accuracy than by another Hand After all I here pretend not to lessen the Honour and Commendation of any other holy Persons lately deceased or of any such yet living For in substance the Character of one will sute the Hearts and Lives of all the rest But all upright Christians do not walk with God in their daily Course as did this holy Man I may call him so tho' I do not say he was perfect For a greater than he Elias was subject to like Passions and Infirmities with us The best Saints on Earth are but imperfectly sanctified their Knowledge is imperfect their Love imperfect their Self-denial imperfect they have Remainders of Corruption and according to the different Temperament of their Bodies Circumstances and Conditions of Life they are subject to many Weaknesses and are sensible of them But the Grace they receive by constant Prayer and Dependance and the Care and Watchfulness they are enabled to use over their Hearts and Words and Senses and against the Occasions of Sin preserves them from any great Transgressions and quickly recovers them from lesser ones I therefore hope I shall not be blamed for not mentioning his Infirmities and Failings because I know not how the Reader 's Benefit and Advantage would be thereby promoted It hath been observed to this purpose that the Vertues the Graces the Perfections of our Brethren set before our View may be proper to nourish our Humility suppress our Pride and invite our Imitation But to divulge their Faults would rather further our Security and advance our Self-conceit And as to this Excellent Person his Watchfulness and Temperance his Devotion and Diligence his Mortification and Zeal for doing good argued a very great Purity of Mind and Heart and his careful Improvement of his Time left little Vacancy for Temptation to fill up No very great Faults be sure could dwell with such strict Examination of himself every Day as he continued to use till within four Days of his Death But that being all written in Short-Hand what might have been from thence added to his Character or transcribed for the Imitation or Instruction of others is wholly lost This in the general will be owned by those who were best acquainted with him that human Infirmities and Imperfections excepted his Life was one even Thread of serious Godliness from Morning to Night from the beginning of the Week and Month and Year to the end in all Relations in all Companies and in all Affairs He was born at Leachlad in Glocestershire and baptized there March the 5th An. 1632. His Father Mr. Henry Gearing was a Shop-keeper or Mercer in that Town and for his extraordinary Prudence and Piety respected honoured and loved by Persons of all Perswasions There are not wanting those now living who can say of the Father's House what several know to be true of the Son 's That it was a Nursery of Religion a little Temple of God and they thank God they were ever cast under that Roof It was the Experience of one whose hoary Head in the way of Righteousness is a Crown of Glory with whom our Mr. Gearing served his Apprenticeship He in his younger Years boarded in his Father's House at Leachlad and reckons the Example of his holy Life to have been a singular Blessing to him in his Youth His pious Father died of a Consumption when this Son was about the Age of Thirteen As did his Unkle Mr. Simon Gearing his Father 's elder Brother about six Years after His Mother Mrs. Ann Gearing was likewise an eminent Christian and died at Ramsberry in Wiltshire January the 8th 1669 and was there buried But to
Weekly Christian Sabbath was honourable and esteemed by him he made it his Delight He remembred it before it came by something Preparatory in his Family upon the Saturday Evening He was early in the Morning on that Day in his Closet and likewise in Family Worship with Prayer and Thanksgiving and reading the Holy Scripture whereof Children and Servants were to remember somewhat and so prepared for the Publick Worship He would not willingly suffer any idle or vain Discourse throughout the whole Day admonishing all about him to take heed of their Thoughts and Words in a special manner upon the Lord's Day He retired as soon as he came home at Noon for a little space and enquired of Inferiors what they remembred He express'd his Dislike of those who had been careless herein by encouraging those that did better His Discourse was always serious savoury and sutable at his Table often minding those about him how many had gone into Eternity the last Week and of the Bounty and Kindness of Heaven in the Plenty they enjoyed both for Spirituals and Temporals beyond others After Dinner a Chapter or two was always read and some part of a serious Practical Book till it was time to go to the Publick Worship Therein he was always reverent and serious After he came home he retired to his Closet for near an Hour and charged all the rest of the Family to go alone likewise then he called them together begun with a short Invocation of God sung a Psalm and repeated the Morning-Sermon and prayed with them before Supper Many who lived with him can witness that in Family-Prayer upon the Lord's Day he had more than ordinary Affections and Fervency and it is the Experience of other Christians O that Heads of Families would but make a Trial After Prayer he retired a very little probably to reflect on his Frame in the last Duty and then would ask his Children some pertinent Questions concerning the Principles of Religion After Supper he repeated the Afternoon-Sermon and enquired what they remembred of it He was himself the last in the Family who went to Bed that he might run over the Heads of what he had heard and repeated For these he reviewed on Monday Morning and kept in his Memory all the Week and every Day repeated somewhat thereof to himself that he might have the Subject of those Sermons continually in his Thoughts as the Food of his Soul till another Lord's Day came He recommended this Practice unto others hereby to live the Sermons we hear and to be under an Awe and Influence by them all the Week after On Monday Mornings ever since the Black bartholomew-Bartholomew-Day when about Two thousand Ministers were silenced for want of such a Liberty and Toleration as God is now pleased mercifully to allow us he did from that time until his Death accustom himself to rise at Four a Clock every Monday Morning and oftentimes sooner spending the time in his Closet till Six especially in Prayer for the Nation and the Church of Christ I have heard that several others agreed with him in the like Practice But in his ordinary Course he was went to be early every Morning in his Closet and about Seven a Clock would call his Family together and read a Psalm or two and pray with them His great Measure of Health was a considerable Help to him to do more than others in this and several Particulars And accordingly he improved it without losing any time in unnecessary Recreations saying he desired no other Recreation but to think and speak of God and mind his Glory He often thankfully acknowledged the Divine Goodness that his Imployment was such that he had more time for serious solitary Religion than others and that he had more time for reading in his Shop and might have it shut sooner in the Evening And he contracted his Business or would not choose to hurry himself by enlarging of it with that very Design The first thing he did there in the Morning was to read some part of the Holy Scripture with the best Annotations he could procure upon them and the like in the Evening And in reading them over again and again regularly and in course he found much Advantage he still perceived such a Majesty such a Mystery such a Depth in them that he was never weary of fathoming tho' he could never reach the bottom He desired to walk by that Rule to be guided by that Light and to derive his Supports Incouragements and Hopes from thence I hardly ever knew one more careful of his Time and all that knew him must say the same He would tarry but a very little while in any Company where he might not do or receive Good He was so punctual in his time of Retirement for Secret Prayer about Six in the Summer and Five in the Winter unless he were hearing a Sermon at that Hour that he would usually make some Excuse or other to break away from Company tho' he returned to them in Half an Hour His Communion with God there was discovered by the Frame of his Spirit when he came from thence It is there we speak our Minds and Hearts more freely to God and there he communicates of his gracious Influence in a special manner to us He found more Satisfaction and Comfort in one such Hour by pouring out his Soul to God alone than in the most witty chearful Conversation of such whose Discourse administers no Grace or Profit to the Hearers When he hath been desired to go to Bed sooner or as soon as others he would often say he would do as others if he were not certain that he must die But our sleeping Time he said was lost as to any spiritual Good any further than it fits us for our Duty by preserving Health The last thing he did every Evening was to go into his Closet and with Prayer and Self-examination to close the Day Once a Week viz. every Friday Night as a little before his Death he said it had been his constant Custom to review the Mercies of his whole Life thereby to promote his Humility and Thankfulness to keep up his Hope in God and quicken his chearful diligent Obedience to him His Care and Concern for the Souls of those under his Charge especially his Children was very extraordinary and attended with good Success as several of his Relations living and dying have owned Of his usefulness to one related to him you have some Account in the Narrative of her Conversion to God which is here annex'd His Counsels and Example made those in his Family begin to love Religion for his sake which afterwards they did for its own God doth often bring us to him by Instruments of Nature and Affection and give the Influence of his Spirit to carry on those good Beginnings He usually ask'd the Assembly's Catechism in his Family twice every Week and encouraged Inferiors by Rewards to learn it and to get some select
tho' a Man had the Guilt of as many Sins lying on his Soul as there be drops of Water in the Ocean and if they were of as long Continuance as from the Creation of the World and aggravated with as hainous Circumstances as any of the vilest Sinners in Hell yet there is Merit enough in the Blood of Christ to take away the Guilt of all those Sins and when that is done Merit enough left to purchase as great a Glory as any Saint in Heaven enjoys But let none thereupon presume to go on in Sin for there is not a Word of Comfort in the whole Bible for such an one He that is affraid of too much Grace hath none at all He who is unwilling to be made better is not yet good In the most afflicted Condition of a Saint he hath more reason to question his own Love to God than God's Love to him God takes as much Care of every one of his Children as if he had but one to care for Our Times are in the Hand of God If they were in our Enemies Hands our Afflictions and Trials would be too long if in our own too short But because in the Hand of God Deliverance shall be seasonable and in due time Had we ten thousand Lives and Estates to lose and lay down for Christ one Hour's Communion with him in Glory will recompence for all our Self-denial whatever we have done or suffered That Man lives unlawfully who doth not sometimes abstain from lawful things Make it thy Business to act Grace and then trust God to bring in Comfort God is yours if you are unfeignedly willing to be his He that can from his Heart say Lord I am thine may on good grounds be assur'd that the Lord is his God That Man whom God cannot satisfie nothing can for God is to his People whatever they can desire or need Sight to the Blind Bread to the Hungry Cloathing to the Naked Strength to the Weak a Physician to the Sick Pardon to the Guilty Comfort to the Mourners Life in Death and Everlasting Life after Death When the Devil suggested to a good Man That it was in vain for him to mind God for he should never get to Heaven He replied I will then follow hard after him and keep close to him that I may enjoy as much as possible of God here on Earth Where Sin lies heavy every Affliction will be light 'T was the Saying of the Noble Marquess of Vico Their Money perish with them who think all the Wealth in the World worth one Hour's Communion with Jesus Christ Since no Man can see thee and live Lord let me die said an holy Man that I may see thee and be with thee If your Condition be never so low if your Hearts be lower it is well enough the Issue will be good And while God the Fountain is left you need not much complain for want of a broken Cistern While others live without God in the World a Christian should endeavour to live as without the World in and upon his God The same Love of God which leads one Christian into the Wine-Cellar and gives him Assurance may lead another into a Prison for the Trial and Exercise of his Grace In Prayer if a Man have not a care of the first Wandrings of his Heart from God he will hardly be able to recover himself afterwards 'T was a memorable Saying of a Great Man He may be deceived who thinks to save any thing by his Religion more than his Soul Before a Man is humbled he complains of God's Unkindness to him but afterwards of his own to God God had one Son without any Sin our Blessed Redeemer but never any Son without some Affliction and Suffering Blessed be God we have any thing to deny or lose or count nothing for Christ A Believer prays with Fervency as if he would not be delay'd and then waits patiently as if he had not prayed If you can say God is your God and all that is in the World is his how can your fear Want If he be not All-sufficient why do you call him so If he be why do you not trust in him If the Lord be good to the Soul that seeks him how good is he to the Soul that finds him If saith Jerom my Father and Mother did with Tears intreat me and my Wife hang about my Neck and my Children fall at my Feet to beseech me to forsake Christ I would cast them all off Father Mother Wife and Children and say Farewel all welcome Christ THE following Account of the Conversion of his Niece will give farther Testimony to his Charity Zeal and Diligence to promote Religion in his Family and how God honoured him by the Lustre of an holy Example to recommend serious Godliness to those who saw his Conversation and by his seasonable Counsels to assist the Recovery of one who under great Convictions and Temptations was in Danger to be lost by too long concealing of the State of her Case from such as could advise and direct her A short Account of the Conversion of Mrs. P. F. as she left it under her Hand before her Death I Am now going about to call to mind the great Mercy and Goodness of the Lord towards me the unworthiest of all his Servants to record his Loving-kindness and to make mention of the many and great Deliverances I have had I know not where to begin nor where to make an end I am even swallowed up in Admiration and ready to cry out with David What shall I render to the Lord for all his Benefits especially when I consider my own Vileness by Nature and how I deserved to be cast into Hell as soon as I was born as having an Heart full of Sin Vanity and Rebellion against God being conceived in Sin and born in Iniquity And as if this had not been enough I have added numberless most hainous Transgressions I have reason to bewail the Sins of my Thoughts I was thinking Thoughts of Pride and Vanity as soon as I could think I was running away from God as soon as I could go with my Back towards Heaven and my Face towards Hell After I came to Years of Discretion the more I knew of God the more I sinned against him The Sins of my Youth have been innumerable and very hainous in their Nature so that I have cause to pray with David Lord remember not against me the Sins of my Youth O the precious Time I have lost and the Golden Opportunities that I have squandred away The Light and Love the Mercies and Means of Grace that I have sinned against I have spent the best of my Years in the Service of Sin and in the Neglect of the great Concerns of my Soul I confess when I was but a Child since I had any Understanding I had always some Love to the Ways and People of God and some Delight in Holy Duties and was fearful of
was a Temptation and presently to run to Jesus Christ for Succour and Relief and to apply the Promises unto my Soul and I quickly found Comfort and was soon freed from Temptation But in this my Prosperity I was ready to say I shall never be removed I began to think I should never be in Adversity and sometimes I was ready to question whether I was one of God's Children because I had no Afflictions I thought God did not love me because he did not chasten me I thought I could bear any thing he should lay upon me As I valued not Life so I feared not Death I thought I could freely and willingly lay down my Life for Christ if I was called to it But this joyful lively active Frame of Spirit did not long continue in about a quarter of a Year it began to abate and I began to be more cold and indifferent in spiritual things and not to be so active and lively as before This was a great trouble to me and made me to question all that was past I thought I should still have grown better and better and not worse Then that Scripture was terrible to me 2 Pet. 2. 29. If after they have escaped the pollutions of the World through the knowledge of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ they are again entangled therein and overcome their latter end is worse than their beginning And that Scripture Heb. 6. 4. It is impossible for those that were once enlightned and have tasted the good Word of God c. if they fall away to renew them again to repentance Also that Text Rev. 3. 15 16. Because thou art neither hot nor cold I will spew thee out of my mouth I was much sensible of my Backslidings fear'd I should turn Apostate Had not that sweet Promise interposed I will heal their backslidings and love them freely I had been certainly swallowed up in Despair Satan that roaring Lion came upon me very fiercely but that Scripture was very comfortable to me I will put my fear into their hearts and my spirit into their inward parts and they shall never depart from me And whom he loveth he loveth to the end And he that hath begun a good Work will perform it unto the day of Jesus Christ And faithful is he that hath called you who will also do it These and other Scriptures did support me but I could not attain to my former lively performance of holy Duties nor had I that Communion with God in holy Duties as formerly which was no small trouble to me and kept me from rejoicing in God Yet I cannot say but I had sometimes Assurance of God's Love but not constantly as I had before Then my Grandmother being sick I went to be with her at my Uncle's House He being a very good Man his Company was no small Comfort to me My Grandmother also being a very pious Woman was always speaking of what was good I enjoy'd much of God while I was there but yet was many times in fear about my Spiritual State and much troubled with the Temptations of Satan After I had been there a quarter of a Year it pleased the Lord to visit me with the Small Pox which was a very sore Disease to me I was brought so low as to be given over for dead by most if not all that saw me and once they thought I had been actually dead When I was first sick I began to be in great fear what would become of me if I should die but this Cloud was soon blown over and the Lord was pleased to shine upon me with the Light of his Countenance and speak Peace to my Conscience And when I was as weak as I think any could be and live yet had I then much inward Joy and Comfort the Promises were as Cordials to my fainting Spirits That Promise Isa 41. 10 did often refresh me Fear not for I am with thee be not dismayed for I am thy God I will strengthen thee I will help thee yea I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness That also Psal 73. 25. My flesh and my heart faileth but God is the strength of my heart and my portion for ever So Psal 43. 5. Why art thou cast down O my Soul Why art thou disquieted within me Hope thou in God for I shall yet praise him who is the health of my countenance and my God These and many other Promises were my Support in the Day of my Distress I had then such assurance of God's Goodness and Love to me and of the Pardon of my Sins and of my Interest in Christ that I longed for Death and could not bear the thoughts of living any longer I had such Fore-tastes of Heaven that I cared not for the Earth I earnestly desired to be dissolved and to be with Christ which is best of all I thought if I should live any longer I should but sin against God and that I could not glorifie him in my Life as I desired I thought if he should restore me I should not be enabled to walk answerably to so great a Mercy These and other such Reasons made me impatient of Life and long for Death I was angry with any that prayed for my Life I now fear that I did sin in being so desirous of Death and not submitting my Will to the Will of God to be at his Disposal whether for Death or Life So it pleased the Lord after a long and tedious Sickness to raise me up from the very Gates of Death This was looked upon as almost a Resurrection from the Dead for which great Deliverance I can never be sufficiently thankful And because I so much desired to die I did not prize my Life and this Deliverance as I should have done Neither did I render to the Lord according to the Mercy I received from him I desire now to be truly thankful to the Lord for all his Mercies and to shew forth my Thankfulness by walking more closely with him all the Days of my Life The following encouraging Considerations among others were collected by him out of several Books and Sermons and are printed from his own Papers in hope of being useful for the Support of others I. THOU that complainest of a hard Heart and fain wouldst mourn for thy Sins to thee I say be not discouraged thy Hardness feared and felt is not the Plague of Hardness It is the Disease indeed of the Heart but it is not the Curse it shall not destroy thee Thou may'st be comforted under Hardness felt and bewailed and pray'd against true Tenderness about Sin is always accompanied with dislike and hatred against Sin and with watching and striving against it if thou hast so much Tenderness bless God and be thankful II. There is no Instance can be given of a Soul utterly for saken of God that can mourn for the want of his Presence If God's Love be precious to thee and most desirable be
SOME ACCOUNT OF THE Holy Life and Death OF Mr. HENRY GEARING Late Citizen of London Who departed this Life January the 4th 1693-4 Aged 61. By JOHN SHOWER The Second Edition With the Trial and Character of a Real Christian collected out of his Papers for the Examination of himself From which several other Particulars are added for the Instruction Encouragement and Imitation of Christians LONDON Printed for John Lawrence at the Angel in the Poultrey 1699. To my Respected Friends Mrs. HANNAH GEARING The Widow AND Mrs. Mary Fisher Mrs. Eliz. Billinghurst Mrs. Ann Roberts The Children of Mr. HENRY GEARING WHen God hath taken any of our holy Relations from us who were ready for the Heavenly Mansions made meet for the Rest Peace and Joy of the upper better World we should rejoice in the Grace of God towards them with Thankfulness owning our Mercy that they lived so long to glorifie God here and be useful to us and others It would be very unreasonable to lament their Departure out of any Pretence of our Affection to them and no less unkind to wish that for our sakes they should not have died or should return from Paradise to our sinful troublesome World But we know they shall not come to us the only way therefore to meet them with Comfort is to remember their Instructions follow their Counsels and imitate their Faith and Holiness their Integrity and Self-denial and resolved persevering Obedience to God The Prayers and Pattern of such an Husband and of such a Father as yours is a Blessing for which God expects your Praises Tho' in the former Relation it was enjoyed but a little while long enough however to make you Madam bless God for him and unfeignedly to value and honour his Memory while you live May his Grace supply and help you to improve this Breach To you his Children I most earnestly recommend the following Papers God and Man will expect your profiting by them more than others You know how much you were upon his Heart You know his Example and manner of Life and how you ought to walk and please God You have seen the Beauty of Practical Godliness exemplified you know how fervently he was wont to wrestle with God in Prayer for you You know with what daily Pains and Care Wisdom Faithfulness and Love he endeavoured your Salvation rejoicing in any good Success thereof but hardly able to support under the Burden of the contrary Fears as to Any of those whom God had given him O dread to think that either of You or any of Yours should meet him at the Day of Judgment and be rejected of Christ among the Workers of Iniquity when both your Parents shall be own'd honour'd and rewarded among the Faithful An ordinary Hell will not be Punishment enough for the Children of such Parents if you miscarry and fall short of Heaven But if you seek after God with your whole Heart desiring to please and serve him who was the God of your Fathers for many Generations if you are humble and prayerful and prize the Blessing of the Covenant keep within the Bond of it and mind the Duty of it your Way is prepared your Acceptance is assured there is a Prospect of more Grace and Consolation for you and yours as a double Blessing promised to the Childrens Children of such as fear the Lord. That you may experience this and in order to it resolve that your Father's God shall be your God for ever and ever is the hearty Prayer of Your Affectionate Friend and Servant in the Gospel JOHN SHOWER London Feb. 16. 1693-4 A SHORT ACCOUNT Of the Holy LIFE of Mr. Henry Gearing c. IF there be Joy in Heaven among the Angels and the blessed Inhabitants Above upon the Conversion of a Sinner we may reckon there is so from time to time upon the Addition to their Number of any such who by the Grace of God are made meet for the Heavenly State and Life Among many others of late deceased Mr. H. G. was doubtless a very welcome Person The too frequent Flattery of Funeral Orations I know is a common Objection against speaking or writing any thing of the Dead because many are commended whose Names are written in the Dust and deserve to perish with their own Dung But the Memory of the Just shall however be blessed their Death is precious and their Examples useful to all who knew them and may be so to many others It is not I confess of every good Man or Woman that dieth that we can speak such things as we may to the just Commendation of some Neither is it fit to publish all the Good we can of every Body because it may be they had some Blemishes that will make the other incredible or lessen its Use But Persons of eminent Grace and Holiness are the choicest Works of God the richest Ornaments the most precious Jewels that can be shown For the meanest Saint is incomparably more noble and honourable than the greatest Personages in the World that are Slaves of Sin and Enemies to God But as one Star differs from another in Glory there are some more lively Images of God and who better imitate the Pattern of Christ some Vessels of Mercy filled with Grace above their Fellows Of such as these we ought to speak to the Glory of Divine Grace There is an attractive Influence in their Pattern some good Savour and Impression may be left by the serious Perusal of their Lives and Character Divers have dated their first Conversion from reading or hearing such Relations But as many an upright Christian whose Funeral Sermon I may be call'd to preach will come far short of the Spirit and Practice of Mr. G. so I resolve to speak more sparingly of the Dead in such Discourses lest I raise the Expectation of the like where I cannot conscionably perform it And on the same Account I forbear the mention of some things which He desired of me and I complied with because I would not encourage others to desire the like I hope the publishing of such Examples may be one means to confute or silence the Atheism of the present Age as if there were no Reality in Religion that it is meer Notion and Talk or a Cover for Hypocrisie An exemplary visible Piety is proper to confute such Cavils baffle such Prejudices and convince the Minds of Men and bring them secretly to wish that they themselves were such It is certain the unsutable Lives of those who profess Religion hath greatly stumbled and hardened many in their Profaneness Some of no ordinary Parts or Education under Convictions of Sin and Fears of Hell upon a Death-bed have told me that the wicked Lives of such as pretended to Religion had more hindered their Seriousness than all the Quirks and Subtilties or bold Attempts of such as would overthrow the Principles of Christianity Besides serious well-disposed Christians will be encouraged by the Example and Commendation
return to him of whom I am now further to speak It pleased God to begin very early with him before he came to London when he was about Twelve or Thirteen Years old God doth often so bless a good Education of Children and would oftner do it if Parents would be careful to do their Duty in this Particular with Wisdom and Faithfulness There were such Discoveries as I am informed of his serious Godliness in his Youth as were observed by many to the Admiration of the Grace of God He began betimes to seek after God and Christ These were his best Days and he comfortably found him whom his Soul loved The Pleasure the Advantage the Success and Comfort of Devotedness to God in our Youth is beyond all Expression When he came to London God directed and settled him as an Apprentice with his Cousin Mr. Joshua Gearing already mentioned where he had the Advantages of a Religious Family and constantly attended the serious affectionate Ministry of Mr. James Nalton whose Name and Memory is still precious with many in this City God was pleased to bless his Preaching to his effectual Conversion or rather to nourish and increase the Seeds of Grace planted before He always thought he could never speak with Honour and Affection enough of Mr. Nalton whom God had made so useful to his Soul He would frequently to his dying Day mention with what powerful Impressions on his Consciences his Sermons were accompanied how he thought himself in a Corner of Heaven under his Ministry that he could many times have wished to have gone directly to Heaven from the Place of Publick Worship such a Presence and Power of the Divine Spirit did attend the Gospel-Ministrations May the Residue of this Spirit be more plentifully poured out on the Ministers of Christ in this City and Nation for the like Effects on the Souls of Men He hath often Spoken and writ how sweet and advantagious a Season for Religion the Time of his Apprenticeship was What Heavenly Thoughts and Meditations be frequently had in the Shop and behind the Counter He hath often professed that by reason of his Freedom at that time from Worldly Cares and Business it was the best Time he ever enjoyed for God and his Soul in his whole Life He had then nothing else to do but to serve God and please his Master who was the more pleased with him for loving and pleasing and serving God The Conversation he had in Heaven by Ejaculatory Prayer while he followed his Master's Business he hath often since reflected on with Joy and Thanks saying He would not for all the World but be able to remember what he then enjoyed for he never had such lively comfortable uninterrupted Communion with God afterwards Tho' in his After-course he continued in this Evidence of a Heavenly Mind and Heart frequently to lift up his Soul to God whatever Business he was about and whatever Company he was in He hath sometimes owned that he enjoyed as much of God in his Thoughts while walking in the Streets as when he was upon his Knees When his Time was out he chose to tarry a whole Year or more with his Master being afraid lest the World should engross too much of his Heart and Time and had almost resolved to retire into the Country to be out of the Danger of many Temptations and to have more Opportunities for Meditation and Prayer But judging truly enough that that was not the way to be useful in the World nor could he bring so much Glory to God in a private retired Life as by settling in a Family and Calling he accordingly did both And chose a sutable Companion out of a Religious Family who desired with him to make Religion her Business and God was afterwards very kind to him in the like Choice It was his Custom every Night to write down in Short-hand some of the most material Things of every Day relating to his Soul as his Mercies his Sins the Frame of his Heart in Duty gracious Returns of Prayer special Providences to himself and others c. He desired every Night to lie down in Expectation of Death and Preparation for it tho' he were in perfect Health And through the Goodness of God he enjoyed an extraordinary Measure of it for many Years So that till a little before his Death I have heard him say that he had not been above twice kept by Sickness from hearing a Sermon on the Lord's Day for the space of Forty Years To those Christians who have full leisure for this excellent daily Work of Self-examination and recording the Result of it this Course would be of unspeakable Advantage But I urge it not upon all It is sufficient to many to renew their Repentance for daily Failings and record only the extraordinary and more remarkable Passages of their Lives not having time to record the ordinary Occurrences of every Day But besides what he did every Day he frequently set apart whole Days with Fasting and Prayer to examine and try the State of his Soul Part whereof he transcribed afterwards tho' but a very little part which is here added as containing the Character and Trial of a Real Christian with the Reason of his transcribing it And I am perswaded he did it with great Sincerity and Humility the rather because when about a Month or six Weeks before his Death he was under some Darkness and Clouds as to his Evidences for Heaven and apprehended his Time on Earth would be but short he desired to discourse with me more than once about the State of his Soul which I shall always remember with Thankfulness to God in order to my making the better Judgment of his Case he let me see some of those Papers written many Years before but sends me a Letter the next Morning to recal them mentioning his great Trouble after I was gone lest what he had done savoured of Pride and ought rather to have been concealed Such was the Tenderness of his Conscience in this and in every thing I shall say the less concerning his Examination of himself because you have here annexed a short Account of the manner of it The lawfulness of trying our selves by Marks and Signs of the Truth of Grace I hope will not be questioned when it is but to evidence the Sincerity of our Faith and Repentance and holy Obedience while we ascribe unto our Lord Jesus Christ what belangs to him as our great High-Priest All that is done by Christ without us in order to our Salvation may and ought to be distinguished from what is done by the Spirit of Christ and his Grace within us because there is a manifest difference between what causeth our Acceptance with God and that which is evidential of it in order to our own Comfort His Example in the strict Observation of the Lord's Day and conscientious Faithfulness in his Family-Relations hath been taken notice of to the Edification of many The
abounding of all Sin and Wickedness more and more The Lord enable me to do and suffer his Will and let me have his Presence and his Promise made good not to suffer me to be tempted above what he will inable me to bear 1 Cor. 10. 13. and that I may readily let all go for Christ if I am called to it The Lord grant I may be made meet to be Partaker of the Inheritance of the Saints in Light and get my Evidences for Heaven ready which through the Assistance and Help of God I desire to go about The Lord grant I may not be deceived but may gather such Evidences as will hold out and bear me up in the midst of Troubles and Trials yea in the Hour of Death and the Day of Judgment The Lord in infinite Mercy sanctifie to me the Death of others God hath of late taken away many of my Neighbours Acquaintance Friends and Relations Ministers as well as others a little while since Mr. Pledger and Mr. Wells in one Day O that all may be sanctified and especially the Death of my Wife that I may yet make such use of that Providence as the Lord would expect and be ready and prepared for my own Departure hence whensoever it shall please my dear God and Father to call me home Being now about to enter here what I have to shew for a Work of Grace in my Heart and a Right and Title to Heaven I desire of the Lord to help me in this great Affair that I may not be deceived but that what I here enter may be the true State of my Soul and that which will hold out and yield me Comfort in an Hour of Distress It hath been in my Thoughts several times to enquire what I had to shew for my Hope of Heaven that which ran most in my Mind was Faith and Repentance which upon diligent Search of my Heart I hope I have First For Faith If I have true Faith I shall certainly be saved so saith the holy Scriptures He that believes shall be saved Joh. 3. 16. For God so loved the World that he gave his only begotten Son that whosoeever believeth in him should not perish but have Everlasting Life Now Faith in Christ is described in the Assemblies Catechism to be a saving Grace whereby we receive and rest upon Christ alone for Salvation as he is offered to us in the Gospel which I hope I desire to do I hope I do most heartily desire to take Christ on his own Terms as King Priest and Prophet in all his Offices and am willing to be ruled by him as well as saved by him I hope I desire to rest upon Jesus Christ alone for Salvation and own no other Saviour but him I hope I have the Faith of Reliance to rest and center in Christ I hope I can with all my Soul throw my self upon the Mercy of God in Christ and if I perish to perish there trusting in him that I shall not perish Blessed be God! I am often lifting up my Heart to Christ O my dear Jesus Blessed Jesus on thee on thee alone I rest when I am in Fears and Doubts and Troubles I hope I desire to say with the Church In the Lord have I Righteousness and Strength Righteousness for Justification and Strength for Sanctification and the subduing of Sin I hope I desire to renounce any Trust in my own Righteousness and Duties and wholly to rely and rest upon Jesus Christ When I have performed any Duty I desire to own that I deserve Hell for the sinful Imperfections of it yea for the best Duty I can perform And to have my Trust only in the Death and Merits Satisfaction and Intercession of Christ Tho' Spiritual Pride is very apt to rise in me yet I hope I do not allow it the Lord set my Heart more against it I hope I desire with the Apostle Phil. 3. 9. to be found in him not having my own Righteousness which is of the Law but that which is through the Faith of Christ the Righteousness which is of God by Faith I hope Christ is precious to me now that is an Evidence of Faith 1 Pet. 2. 7. To you that believe he is precious I hope I desire to prize Christ above all the World and if I know my Heart I would not part with the Hopes I have by Christ of Heaven for ten thousand Worlds I hope I desire to prize Jesus Christ as the Chiefest of ten thousand altogether lovely The Lord make me upright in this Matter that I may see the Worth and Excellency that is in him so as to be in love with him Secondly For Repentance If I have that Grace I am sure to be saved Acts 3. 19. Repent ye therefore and be converted that your Sins may be blotted out when the Times of refreshing shall come from the Presence of the Lord. Luke 13. 3. Except ye repent ye shall all likewise perish therefore if we do repent we shall not perish Now Repentance is described to be a saving Grace whereby a Sinner out of the true sense of his Sin and apprehension of the Mercy of God in Christ doth with grief and hatred of his Sin turn from it unto God with full purpose of and endeavours after new Obedience I hope the Lord hath wrought this Repentance in me I hope he hath given me a true Sight and Sense of Sin and that I am convinced of the Evil and Danger of it I hope I have an apprehension also of the Mercy of God in Christ I do not at all doubt but there is Mercy enough in God through Christ to forgive and pardon the greatest Sins if they are repented of The Lord hath declared himself to be the Lord God gracious and merciful pardoning Iniquity Transgression and Sin Exod 34. 6. I hope I desire to be truly sorry for all my Sins to grieve and mourn for them tho' my Heart be hard yet I hope I could be glad if it were broken that I could mourn more for my Sins Surely it hath been a Trouble to me many times in Confession of Sin that I could not mourn and weep and was not affected as I desired I hope I desire to hate Sin also the Lord work a true Hatred of all Sin more and more in me I hope I desire to turn from all Sin unto God with full purpose of Heart to cleave to him I hope the Bent of my Soul is right for God tho' I have many Failings and Miscarriages I hope the full Purpose and Resolution of my Heart is for God and his Ways It being upon my Mind what I had further to note that might be an Evidence of Grace I hope these things following which it pleased God to bring to my Thoughts may be some ground to believe God hath wrought savingly upon me Surely I do confess my Sins often to the Lord in secret and desire to have my Heart penitently affected with them and
this thou findest thou hast more Desires after Grace that is more Grace Art thou not only thankful for a little Grace but art reaching after more Dost thou grow more weary of thy Sin and more earnest after Christ I hope in the Lord it is thus with me that I am more weary of Sin and desire more Grace Now Growth is a Sign of Life Again Put this Question to thy self Do I hunger and thirst after Christ This is an Evidence of Spiritual Life Dead Men do not hunger and thirst after Christ Now I hope in the Lord I do hunger and thirst after Christ and nothing but himself will content me Again Ask thy Soul Do I love God and Christ or do I not These Marks he gives of Love to Christ Lord I love thee for I am grieved at thy Absence and am rejoiced at thy Presence Lord I love thee for I love those that are like Thee O my Lord I love thee for I love the Place and Duties where thou art wont to meet thy People and warm their Hearts but if thou art not there I cannot take up contentedly with them Lord I humbly say I love thee for I dare not deny but I am grieved when thou art dishonoured by my self or others tho' I grieve for this less than I should because I love thee less than I ought Lord I love thee for I desire to have an Heart that should be willing to part with all for thee things sinful in themselves at all times and things lawful when thou callest me to it Once more I humbly say I love thee for I would have an Heart to love and long and look for thy Coming and Appearance in Glory Mr. Ambrose directing to try our Title to Heaven adviseth First To write down the Scripture-Marks or Grace or Glory and mentions these several Scriptures following 1 Joh. 2. 3. Hereby we know that we know him if we keep his Commandments 2 Cor. 1. 12. For our rejoicing is this the Testimony of our Conscience that in Godly Simplicity and Sincerity we have had our Conversation in the World 1 Joh. 3. 9 10. Whosoever is born of God sinneth not because his Seed abideth in him neither can he sin because he is born of God In this the Children of God are manifest c. 1 Joh. 4. 13. Hereby we know that we dwell in him and he in us because he hath given us of his Spirit 1 Joh. 3. 14. We know that we have passed from Death to Life because we love the Brethren James 1. 12. There is a Crown of Life the Lord hath promised to them that love him But above all observe these Texts following as containing the special Gospel-Conditions to which we find so often annexed the Promise of Justification and Glorification Joh. 3. 16. God so loved the World that he gave his only begotten Son that whosoever believeth in him should not perish but have Everlasting Life Joh. 5. 24. He that believeth hath Everlasting Life and shall not come into Condemnation but is passed from Death unto Life Joh. 6. 40. And this is the Will of him that sent me that every one that seeth the Son and believeth in him may have Everlasting Life Joh. 20. 31. These things are written that ye might believe that Jesus is the Christ the Son of God and that believing ye might have Life through his Name Acts 16. 31. Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ and thou shalt be saved Rom. 10. 9 10. If thou shalt confess with thy Mouth the Lord Jesus and shalt believe in thy Heart that God hath raised him from the dead thou shalt be saved Heb. 10. 39. We are not of them who draw back unto Perdition but of them that believe to the saving of the Soul 1 Joh. 5. 13. These things have I written unto you that believe in the Name of the Son of God that ye may know that ye have Eternal Life From the first Text we gather the Scripture mark of universal Obedience from the second Sincerity from the third Opposition against and Abstinence from Sin from the fourth Spiritual Performance of holy Duties from the fifth a Love of the Brethren from the sixth a Love of Christ from all the rest Faith in Christ the Root and Spring of all other Graces and necessary Conditions of Pardon and Eternal Life Proceed we now to put the Question to our selves but be sure to state it aright Let it not be Whether there be any Good in us at all For so we shall err on the one hand nor yet Whether we have such and such a degree and measure of Grace For so we shall err on the other hand But Whether according to the fore-mentioned Scriptures such and such a saving Grace be in us or not Now I having begged of God his Help to try the State of my Soul by what follows this 17th of August 1676. and I do hope I find the true Marks of saving Grace in my Soul and desire here to enter them down that I may have recourse to it in time of need and the Lord grant I be sincere 1. O my Soul hast thou respect to and dost observe all God's Commandments Dost thou keep the Law in Truth and Sincerity tho' not in gradual Perfection Dost thou know God in part and love God truly by a sincere Obedience Dost thou keep the Commandments in an Evangelical Sense And wherein thou failest dost thou acknowledge thy Failings and rely upon Christ for Pardon Is thy universal Obedience internal and spiritual as well as external Is thy Delight in the Law of God after the Inward Man Is thy Obedience to the Duties of both Tables Dost thou make Conscience of particular Duties in every Relation 2. O my Soul hast thou Sincerity and Uprightness of Heart Is there a powerful Change of the whole Man by the Grace of God Dost thou do what is good upon this account because God commands it not because it will agree with thy Ends and Advantage but because God hath required it Art thou diligent and conscientious in secret Duties to perform them and in Spiritual or Heart Sins and secret Lusts to avoid them Dost thou serve God in Spirit Dost thou eye God whether in private or publick Dost thou set thy self zealously against those Sins thou art most inclined unto Dost thou hate Sin most in thy self and in those that are nearest unto thee Hast thou respect to all God's Commandments but yet to the Duties of the first Table before the second to the Commands of greater Duties before those of lesser Duties Or if in all these Particulars thou findest not such an Uprightness as hath no Deceit or Falshood or carnal Respects at all joined with it for as all other Graces are but in part so are we sincere and upright but in part art thou humbled under thy Hypocrisie and spiritual Guile And dost thou trust only to Christ And dost thou cry as David did for Truth in the
by Faith 6. True Faith works Patience not only Patience in waiting but Patience in suffering There is a Patience in waiting for the Accomplishment of the Promises Faith saith to a Believer The Things thou waitest for are worth thy waiting for them the Comforts thou desirest the Crown of Glory thou expectest is worth waiting for Again Faith works Patience in Suffering Heb. 10. 34. They took joyfully the spoiling of their Goods knowing they had in Heaven a more enduring Substance Heb. 11. 36. 37. They endured the Trial of cruel Mockings of Scourgings of Bonds and Imprisonments They were stoned sawn asunder tempted slain with the Sword they wandered about in Sheep-skins and Goat-skins being destitute forsaken tormented and yet their Faith in Jesus Christ carried them through all these Sufferings Faith tells the Soul The Sufferings of this present Life are not worthy to be compared with the Glory that shall be revealed 7. True Faith will work an undaunted Profession of Christ's Name He will profess Christ openly when called to it The Disciples professed Christ when it was Death to do so I am not asham'd of the Gospel of Christ saith the Apostle I esteem the Reproach of Christ better than the Glory of the World and the Cross of Christ better than the Crowns of the World I esteem his Crown of Thorns better than all others in this World I bear about me the Marks of the Lord Jesus Gal. 6. 17. he calls his Sorrows and Sufferings the Marks of Christ I esteem them my greatest Honour God forbid saith he I should glory in any thing but in the Cross of Jesus Christ Thus you see what Fruits Faith works in reference to Jesus Christ Now there are Fruits of Faith in reference to our selves as these following 1. True Faith works abundance of inward Peace and Joy Rom. 5. 1. Being justified by Faith we have Peace with God And it must needs be so because that Faith tells the Soul the Bond is cancelled that Sin is pardoned the Burden is taken off Wounds of Conscience are healed with the Wounds of Christ A Believer can say In Peace will I lay down my Head in the Bosom of Christ When Storms and Waves arise a Believer can sit in his Ark Christ and a good Conscience is an Ark for a poor Soul where he is safe A true Believer hath always the Ground of Joy tho' not always the Exercise of it 2. Another Fruit of Faith in reference to our selves is Boldness in coming to the Throne of Grace We have Boldness and Access by Faith in Christ Ephes 3. 12. A true Believer can pour out his Soul to God make his Moan to his Father It is his comfort he can go to his Father with a Child-like Boldness and Confidence 3. Another Fruit of Faith is Contempt of the World Acts 4. They sold their Possessions and brought the Money and laid it down at the Apostles Feet They regarded it no more than the Dirt under their Feet Faith hath an Eagle's Eye it sees things a far off and an Eagle's Wing to carry a Man above the Flatteries and the Frowns of the World By Faith Moses feared not the Frowns of the King Heb. 11. 27. Faith lets a Man see there is better to be found in Christ than in the whole World He that can find a World in Christ will be willing to part with all the World for Him 4. True Faith will produce a strong Desire of strengthening and encreasing it and that both in Truth and Growth It will make a Man still be searching his Heart that he may be sure he hath the Truth of Faith It makes a Man prize a Soul-searching Ministry that may plough up the Fallow Ground of his Heart And it works a Desire of Growth also it makes a Believer pray Lord encrease my Faith whether thou encrease my Trade and Wealth or no however Lord encrease my Faith After I had wrote these Things I went into my Closet and there begged of God his Help and Assistance to try my self by these Characters and then spent a little time going over them and trying my State by them and I bless the Lord I now cannot but say to his Glory that I find them in some measure in me I hope that those I could not so positively answer to yet I could in the Desire of my Soul I hope in the Lord I am not deceived If I am I beseech him for Christ's sake to undeceive me and let me know how it is with me But methinks God hath begun some good Work in me and wrought Faith in my poor Soul tho' it is very weak The Lord humble me and the Lord help me to bless his holy Name for the least Grace and earnestly to endeavour and beg of him the Encrease of it I hope in the Lord I may have recourse to what I have done this Day and what is entred before in a Time of Doubts and Fears in an Hour of Trouble under God's Withdrawings yea that I may have Comfort from it in an Hour of Death The Lord grant I may not now be secure and careless but that I may walk very closely and exactly before him to his Praise and Glory here till at last I come to live with him in his Heavenly Kingdom May the 9th 1678. I spent the Day in a Secret Fast One End among others I proposed to my self in it was to search into the State of my Soul again also that I may be inabled to suffer for Christ if I am called to it c. I hope I desired to be sincere and hearty I tried my self by the Marks and Characters before set down I hope I can say upon Search that the Lord hath wrought saving Grace in me it was I hope my hearty Prayer that if it was not so I might not so enter it here but I turst the Lord hath turned me from Darkness to Light and that I am not dead in Sins and Trespasses but there is a Principle of Life in me the Lord grant I may not be deceived Towards the close of the Day I read over my Covenant and hope I did from my very Heart desire to bewail the Breach of it and renew it with the Lord which I did I hope in the Strength of his Grace desiring Christ may be my Surety being much affraid of my being deceived lest it should be with me as heretofore I hope I did heartily take the Lord for my God and give up my self unto him and bind my self to forsake all Sin and to live more to his Glory according to the Covenant I entred into with the Lord about eleven Years since taken out of Mr. Allen 's Book I bless God I was assisted to Day in the Work I undertook the Lord accept of me thro' Christ and let not this Day be lost O that I may not prove false and hypocritical with him but go away enabled to live more to his Praise here till I come
will go mourning in this World while I have a Day to live till Christ shall please to cast an Eye of Grace and Mercy on me Nay let it come to this I cannot live if God be not reconciled If Christ be not mine my Spirit fails If the Lord do not relieve me there is nothing No abiding for me unless he speak a Word of Peace When the Soul is brought to this I must have an Interest in Christ or nothing will satisfie me such an one shall find Acceptance Therefore be in good earnest and let the Desires of the Soul rise up to an holy Restlesness O wretched Negligence that we can let the greatest Concerns of our Souls lie at Hazard all our Days Ten Questions to ask our Hearts Thus Mr. Steel advis'd we should often commune with our Hearts I. What have I been if now I am changed I was a wretched Sinner II. What Good have I done that God may have the Glory and I the Comfort III. How have I done it IV. What have I neglected The slothful Servant is condemn'd who had Talents but did no good with them What Duties have I neglected and how many Opportunities of doing good omitted V. What State am I in Am I in a gracious or sinful State in Christ or in my Sins If I am in Christ he rules if in Sin that reigns VI. What Frame am I in Am I in a gracious or worldly Frame of Heart VII What do I Am I in my Calling and in the way of my Duty Am I now doing the Will of God VIII Whither am I going Towards Heaven or Hell Every Moment I take a Step to one of them IX How far am I on my Way to Heaven X. What shall I do to be saved Salvation is to be had how shall I attain it His Covenant with God O Most Dreadful God! for the Passion of thy Son I beseech Thee accept of thy poor Prodigal now prostrating himself at thy Door I have fallen from Thee by mine Iniquiry and am by Nature a Son of Death 〈◊〉 a thousand-fold more the Child of Hell by 〈◊〉 wicked Practice but of thine Infinite Grace Thou hast promised Mercy to me in Christ if I will but turn to thee with all my Heart Therefore upon the Call of thy Gospel I am now come in and throwing down my Weapons submit my self to thy Mercy And because thou requirest as the Condition of my Peace with thee that I should put away mine Idols and be at Defiance with all thine Enemies which I acknowledge I have wickedly sided with against thee I here from the bottom of my Heart renounce them all firmly Covenanting with thee Not to allow my self in any known Sin but to use conscientiously all the Means that I know thou hast prescribed for the Death and utter Destruction of all my Corruptions And whereas I have formerly inordinately and idolatrously let out my Affections upon the World I do here resign my Heart to thee that mad'st it humbly protesting before thy Glorious Majesty That it is the firm Resolution of my Heart and that I do unfeignedly desire Grace from thee that when thou shalt call me hereunto I may practise this my Resolution through thy Assistance to forsake all that is dear unto me in this World rather than to turn from thee to the Ways of Sin and that I will watch against all its Temptations whether of Prosperity or Adversity lest they should withdraw my Heart from thee beseeching thee also to help me against the Temptations of Satan to whose wicked Suggestions I resolve by thy Grace never to yield my self a Servant And because my own Righteousness is but menstruous Rags I renounce all Confidence therein and acknowlege that I am of my self a hopeless helpless undone Creature without Righteousness or Strength And for as much as thou hast of thy bottomless Mercy offered most graciously to me wretched Sinner to be again my God through Christ if I would accept of thee I call Heaven and Earth to record this Day that I do here solemnly avouch thee for the Lord my God and with all possible Veneration bowing the Neck of my Soul under the Feet of thy most Sacred Majesty I do here take Thee the Lord Jehovah Father Son and Holy Ghost for my Portion and Chief Good and do give up my self Body and Soul for thy Servant promising and vowing to serve thee in Holiness and Righteousness all the Days of my Life And since thou hast appointed the Lord Jesus Christ the only Means of coming unto thee I do here upon the bended Knees of my Soul accept of him as the only new and living Way by which Sinners may have Access to thee and do here solemnly join my self in a Marriage-Covenant to him O blessed Jesus I come to thee hungry and hardly bestead poor and wretched and miserable and blind and naked a most loathsome polluted Wretch a guilty condemned Malefactor unworthy for ever to wash the Feet of the Servants of my Lord much more to be solemnly married to the King of Glory But sith such is thine unparallel'd Love I do here with all my Power accept thee and do take thee for my Head and Husband for better for worse for richer for poorer for all Times and Conditions to love and honour and obey thee before all others and this to the Death I embrace thee in all thine Offices I renounce my own Worthiness and do here avow thee for the Lord my Righteousness I renounce mine own Wisdom and do here take thee for my only Guide I renounce my own Will and take thy Will for my Law And since thou hast told me that I must suffer if I will reign I do here Covenant with thee to take my Lot as it falls with thee and by thy Grace assisting to run all Hazards with thee verily purposing that neither Life nor Death shall part between thee and me And because thou hast been pleased to give me thy holy Laws as the Rule of my Life and the Way in which I should walk to thy Kingdom I do here willingly put my Neck under thy Yoke and set my Shoulder to thy Burden and subscribing to all thy Laws as holy just and good I solemnly take them as the Rule of my Words Thoughts and Actions promising that tho' my Flesh contradict and rebel yet I will endeavour to order and govern my whole Life according to thy Direction and will not allow my self in the Neglect of any thing that I know to be my Duty Only because through the Frailty of my Flesh I am subject to many Failings I am bold humbly to protest that unallowed Miscarriages contrary to the settled Bent and Resolution of my Heart shall not make void this Covenant for so thou hast said Now Almighty God Searcher of all Hearts thou knowest that I make this Covenant with thee this Day without any known Guile or Reservation beseeching thee That if thou espiest any Flaw
but a weak Faith if he meet with no Temptation shall scarce know what doubting means and a Man of a strong Faith under strong Temptations may not be able to overcome Fears and Doubts If Assurance did exclude all Doubts and Fears then it should be perfect but as our Faith and all other Graces are imperfect so is Assurance also None have Assurance at all times it is like the Weather sometimes fair sometimes foul yea in the same Day fair in the Morning and cloudy before Night David had such strong Faith at one time that he would not fear tho' ten thousand set themselves against him he would not fear tho' he should pass through the Valley of the shadow of Death At another time he was so full of Fear that he saith he shall one Day perish by the Hands of Saul V. We can never have too high too vast Thoughts of the Goodness of God we do not think aright of God if we do not think him more ready to give than we are to ask There is nothing thou canst go to God for that is according to his Will but he is ten thousand times more ready to bestow than thou art to ask A Child of God may go to him with as full Confidence of his Love as a Child to the most tender Parent in the World nay much more abundantly The blessed Majesty of Heaven is inclined to succour and relieve those that are in Distress and Misery He that puts Bowels of Compassion and Pity into Man shall not he himself be much more pitiful and compassionate Exod. 34. 6. He is merciful and gracious he delights in nothing more than in shewing Mercy You can do nothing more grateful to God nor please him better than to plead for Mercy Mich. 7. 18. When thou pleadest for Mercy thou hast God's Nature pleading the same thing for thee All the yearning Bowels of the most compassionate Parents in the World are but a meer Shadow to the Bowels of God We may go to God in Confidence of being heard for Christ's sake only as if we had never sinned 't is wonderful what the Scripture saith of Faith and Prayer VI. This also may help to sustain and comfort a poor doubting tender Heart that fears and suspects himself of Hypocrisie that those very Fears of thine are some shew of the contrary Men naturally love and flatter themselves but thou loathest thy self for thy Corruptions Be of good cheer 't is Grace and nothing but Grace that complains of Sin 'T is Sincerity and nothing else that discovers and bewails Hypocrisie Especially when thou bewailest Heart-Hypocrisie and such secret and hidden Sins that only God and thy own Heart do know If thou livest not in any known Sin nor in neglect of any known Duty if thou wouldest find out thy Sin if there is no Sin thou wouldest have hid from God's Eye and no Duty thou wouldst have hid from thy own Eye if there is no Sin but thy Heart is against it and no Duty but thy Heart is for it this proves thy Uprightness VII If God never makes his Face to shine on thee in this World yet 't is thy Duty to trust and cleave to him through Christ Would you know why God when he hath wrought Grace doth not enable the Soul presently to perceive it It may be 't is that Sin may be more bitter If we could have Comfort when we would we should have very slight thoughts of Sin Upon sight of thy Graces possibly thou wouldst be proud to hide this Pride God hides our Graces from us It may be God doth it to prove thy Obedience to him for to rely on God's Grace and live by Faith without sensible Tokens of it is the purest Act of Obedience that can be By Assurance we get more Comfort to our selves but by believing we give more Glory to God Therefore saith Christ to Thomas Blessed are they that have not seen and yet have believed When you have any Evidence of Grace you must be sure to rest only on Christ and trust to him The great Work of a Christian in this World is out of a sense of his Sins and Weaknesses daily to depend on Christ looking to Christ seeing our need of Christ for Pardon and Sanctification and Reconciliation every day This is our great Work How many search for Grace and neglect to put forth Acts of Faith on Christ Alas Graces are but Tokens from Christ Let us not forget depending and relying on the blessed Jesus tho' we have no fight at all of any Grace in our selves Where a Person hath any one sign of Grace he may warrantably conclude all the rest to be there tho' at present he perceive them not 'T is the truth and not the measure and degree of your Grace you are to conclude your State by The prizing and loving and seeking and delighting in the Love and Favour of God above all is a certain Evidence of Grace VIII The greatest sense of Sin and Guilt should discourage none from coming to God for Mercy through Christ because the Mercies of God are infinitely more than a Sinner's Provocations are or can be O 't is boundless Mercy bottomless Mercy There are many like Sinners as thou art but there is none like God for pardoning and forgiving mercy Mic. 6. 18. My thoughts are not your thoughts nor my ways your ways As the heaven is higher than the earth so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts Isa 55. 8. When Conscience is awakened we are ready to doubt whether God will pardon us therefore he fetches Arguments from his gracious and merciful Nature My ways are not your ways If you repent your Sins shall infinitely be out-done We are apt to think God like our selves but the blessed God is of tender Bowels slow to Wrath loth to take Vengeance ready to forgive the greatest Wrong and receive the Sinner into his Favour upon true Repentance There is saith God as vast a difference between my Disposition and Dealing and yours as between Heaven and Earth Thou that art an awakened convinced Sinner the Promises of the Gospel belong unto thee Isa 61. 1. The Lord hath anointed me to preach good tidings to the meek to bind up the broken-hearted and to comfort all that mourn Canst thou desire to be in a better Case than those whom Christ hath Commission to take care of The Poor in Spirit the Mourners for their Sins those that hunger after Righteousness not having a drop of Comfort from themselves Christ blesseth and pronounces happy Blessed are the poor in Spirit Not one of them would the Lord have kept from coming to him Mat. 11. 28. Come to me All Ye that labour and are heavy laden and I will give you rest Trust to me you that are troubled in Conscience for Sin I will bring you to rest in God's Love and Favour Be not discouraged there is a Mediator for thee whose Worthiness and
Righteousness is more satisfactory and pleasing unto God than all the Sinners Wickedness is injurious and displeasing to him O this is a very sweet and comfortable Consideration indeed There is no such Evil in Sin to damn thee as there is Merit in Christ's Blood to save thee IX To despair of Mercy is a greater Sin than all thy other Sins This makes thee like the Devil himself It is the Glory of Divine Grace to triumph over all the Sinner's Unworthiness Resolve therefore I will yet follow God tho' I have offended him come on me what will I know he is God and not Man who can help nay will help if I come unto him Isa 57. 16. I will not contend for ever nor be always wroth for the Spirit would fail before me and the Souls that I have made Isa 41. 17. When the poor and needy seek water and there is none and their tongue faileth for thirst I the Lord will hear them I the God of Israel will not forsake them When it comes to failing fainting sinking dying then comes help Be much in Prayer and hold on waiting God may make you seek and wait a long time aye but he will certainly come and that will make amends for all X. How shall one be willing to die that hath not a sense of God's Love I answer when we can see our Love to God tho' we cannot see God's Love to us What are the Actings of our Soul towards God when we can see no Love in his Dispensations towards us As that good Man under great Afflictions and Dissatisfaction about the Love of God at last breaks out If I did not love God why do I follow him and mourn after him If thou lovest God here is ground of Comfort thou couldst not love God if he did not first love thee It was a memorable Answer of Mr. Dod to a godly Minister that said to him a little before his Death What will you say to me who am going out of the World and can find no Comfort He replied What will you say to our Saviour that was going out of the World and found no Comfort but he cried out My God my God still This Speech much refreshed that godly Minister Others of God's Children have wanted sensible Comfort at their Death yet they have been able to act Faith and to say My God my God still Tho' God's sensible Presence is not still the same yet his Word and Promise is he speaks as comfortably in his Word as ever he cannot deny his own Word God sometimes withdraws Comfort that we may prize his Word more and depend more upon that You please and honour God most when you can venture your Souls on his bare Word and Promise A Faith of Recumbency on Christ in the want of Comfort doth more honour God than the highest Faith of Assurance Why should Death be a Terror to them that fear God none need to fear Death that are escaped from the Dominion of Sin and the Devil Can you say you do not love Christ and that you do love Sin then there is cause enough for fear but this were to bely the blessed Spirit The godly hath hope in his Death A hope of Life even at the Point of Death A godly Man's hope can never fail him he may want sensible Comfort but he doth hope still Death 't is a going to God and shall a godly Man be afraid of going to his God Again it is a Sleep a Rest are weary Men afraid of rheir Rest and of going to sleep If Death be an Enemy 't is a slain Enemy Christ hath been the Death of Death And why should that have Terror in it that hath no Life in it A godly Man is a real Gainer by Death He gains more by his Death than ever he got all his Life long viz. Happiness and Joy that shall never end Again tho' Death separates Relations here yet Death can never separate the godly Man's Soul and Body from Christ Both still continue united unto Christ They sleep in Jesus God is still their God and therefore let not the Saints of God be afraid of Death XI Psal 147. 11. The Lord taketh pleasure in them that fear him in them that hope in his mercy Then our Prayers please God when they are put up to him in Faith and hope of his Mercy Poor trembling Souls that meditute nothing but Terror little think how it would please God to see them to hope in his Mercy They are conscious to themselves how they have displeased God but hope in God's Mercy and he will take pleasure in thee They bring most Honour to God that are most admiring and magnifying of his Mercy His Heart is most set on Mercy in all the Manifestations of it Therefore let poor drooping Souls still maintain hope in the Mercy of God through Christ XII This is certain in every afflictive Providence to Believers there is more Mercy than Wrath nay 't is all Mercy in the Issue and not in revengeful Wrath but paternal Anger They have Supports under all sometimes they may be under desertion and no comforts of God come into their Souls they are ready to say Lord why casteth thou off my Soul But then they have this to support them they can love God and mourn after his Favour tho' he seems to be gone from them they can look after him and long for his Return and this is such an effect of Grace that is more worth than the whole World Sustentation saith Mr. Baines I thank God I have tho' Suavities I have none Sickness and Sorrow and Death that are the Fruits of Sin none can be exempted from but Grace doth this for Believers The Curse the Hurt the Venom of all is taken away they are Gainers by all 2 Cor. 4. 16. Tho' our outward man c. All works for their good Others have Comforts with a Curse but Believers have Crosses with a Blessing The Guilt of Sin the Grace of God in Christ doth quite take away from all Believers Heb. 8. 12. Pardoning Mercy clears the Soul of Guilt What Comfort is this to such that by the Grace of Justification through Christ they are in God's account righteous And upon the account of Christ their Righteousness they may come into God's Presence with as assured Welcome as Adam in Paradise or the Angels now in Heaven This thou may'st be assured of that Christ will not break the bruised Reed nor quench the smoaking Flax. Tho' thy Faith be so small that it yields not Light to others nor Heat to thy own Heart yet Christ discerns and accepts it But can a Man have the Exercise of Grace and not know it fear God and not discern it I answer Yes some Graces may then be acted and discerned by others as well as at any other time He may fear God as truly and as much as ever and yet his Grace may not have Light to discover it self to him It may have a Being and working in the Heart when it 's not clear in thy Apprehension XIII Hearken unto the Voice of God O poor doubting disconsolate Sinner Why dost thou pass Sentence against thy self Thou say'st O my Sins are very many Well but the Mercies of God are far more O but my Sins are very great True but the Meroies of God are far greater O but my Sins are of long continuance True but yet thy Sins are but Sins of Time his Mercies are the Mercies of Eternity O but my Sins are greater than you are aware of they are Crimson Scarlet Sins How great are they Are they as great as the Sins of Manasseh that was a Wizard that filled Jerusalem with Blood yet God pardoned him Are they greater than the Sins of Mary Magdalen out of whom were cast seven Devils and yet God had Mercy for her O but I fear the Stock of Mercy is quite spent No his Mercy endures for ever it is from everlasting to everlasting But I have exceedingly abused Mercy yet remember that tho thou hast sinn'd against his Mercy yet thou hast not sinned above his Mercy Isa 55. 8. My thoughts are not as your thoughts nor my ways as your ways as the heavens are above the earth so are my thoughts above your thoughts and my ways above your ways FINIS * My Honoured Friend Mr. Joshua Gearing Sen.