not honest friend quoth she Their birth was both at once I dare be sworne But yet betweene them both a man was borne Epigram 7. THe way to make a Welch-man thirst for blisse And say his prayers daily on his knees Is to perswade him that most certaine t is The Moone is made of nothing but greene Cheese And hee le desire of God no greater boone But place in heauen to feede vpon the Moone Epigram 8. A Gallant Lasse from out her window saw A gentleman whose nose in length exceeded Hir boundles will not lymited by law Imagin'd he had what she greatly needed To speake with him she kindly doth entreat Desiring him to cleare her darke suppose Supposing euery thing was made compleate And corespondent equall to his nose But finding short where she exspected long She sigh'd and said O nose thou didst me wrong Epigram 9. YOung Sr. Iohn Puck foyst and his new made madam Forgetts they were the off-spring of old Adam I 'm sure t is not for wit nor man-like fight His worthles worship late was dubd a knight Some are made great for wealth and some for wit And some for vallour doe attaine to it And some for neither vallour witt nor wealth But stolne opinion purchase it by stealth Epigrom 10. ONe tolde me flattry was exilde the state And pride and lust at Court were out of date How vertue did from thence all vice pursue T is newes quoth I too good for to be true Epigrum 12. HE that doth beate his braines and tire his witt In hope thereby to please the multitude As soone may ride a horse without a bitt Aboue the Moone or sunnes high Altitude Then neither flattery nor the hope of pelfe Hath made me write but for to please my selfe Epigram 12. ARustick swaine was cleauing of a block And hum he Cryes at euery pondrous knock His wife saies husband wherfore hum you so Quoth he it makes the wedge in further goe When day was don and drowsie night was come Being both in bed at play she bids him hum Good wife quoth he entreat me hum no more For when I hum I cleaue but now I bore Epigram 13 VVHen Caualero Hot-shott goes with Oares Zoun's Rowe ye Rogs ye lazy knaues make hast A noyse of Fidlers and a brace of whores At Lambeth stayes for me to breake their fast He that 's so hott for 's wench ere he come nie her Being at her once I doubt hee le be a fier Epigram 14. IT was my chaunce once in my furious moode To call my neighbours wife an arrant who re But she most stifly on her credit stood Swearing that sory I should be therefo re Her husband vnderstanding of the case Protested he would sue me for a slander When straight I prou'd it to his forked face He was a knaue a cuckold and a Pander Oho quoth he good neighbor say no mo I know my wife lets out her buggle bo Epigram 15. THe Law hangs Theeues for their vnlawfull stealing The Law carts Bawds for keeping of the dore The Law doth punish Rogues for roguish dealing The Law whips both the Pander and the whore But yet I muse from whence this Law is growne Whores must not steale nor yet must vse their owne Epigram 16. OLd Fabian by extortion and by stealth Hath got a huge masse of ill gotten wealth For which he giues God daily thankes and praise When t was the Deuill that did his fortunes raise Then since the getting of thy goods were euill Th' ast reason to be thankfull to the deuill Who very largely hath increast thy muck And sent them Miser Midaes golden luck Then thanke not God for he hath helpt thee least But thanke the Deuill that hath thy pelfe increast Epigram 17. VVHat matter i st how men their dayes do spend So good report doe on their deaths attend Though in thy former life thou nere didst good But mad'st Religion for thy faults a hood And all blacke sinnes were harbourd in thy breast And tooke thy Conscience for their natiue nest Yet at thy buriall for a noble price Shalt haue a Sermon made shall hide thy vice A threed-bare Parson shall thy prayse out-powre And in the expiration of an howre Will make the world thy honesty applaud And to thy passed life become a Baud. Our Christian brother heere lyes dead quoth he Who was the patterne of true Charity No Drunkard Whoremonger nor no vile swearer No greedy Vsurer nor no Rent-rearer O deare beloued his example take And thus an end at this time doe I make Thus Mr. Parson nobly spends his breath To make a Villaine honest after death And for one noble freely he affoords Much more then twenty shillings-worth of words Epigram 18. LOrd who would take him for a pippin squire That 's so bedawb'd with lace and rich attire Can the dambd windefalls of base bawdery Maintaine the slaue in this imbrodery No maruaile Vertue 's at so lowe a price When men knowes better how to thriue by Vice Epigram 19. ALl Bradoes oathes are new-found eloquence As though they sprung from learned sapience He sweares by swift-pac'd Titans fiery Car By Marses Launce the fearefull God of warre By Cupids Bowe Mercuries charming Rod By Baccus Diety that drunken God By grimfacde Pluto and Auernus Caues By Eolus blasts and Nptunes raging waues By his sweet Mistris bright translucent eies All other Oathes his Humour doth despise Epigram 20. Signeor Serano to and fro doth range And at high noone he visits the Exchange With stately gate the peopled Burse he stalkes Prying for some acquaintance in those walkes Which if he spie note but his strange salute Marke how hee le spread to shew his broaking sute When he perhaps that owde this cast apparell Not a fortnight since at Tyburne fought a quarell Epigram 21. OLd Grubsons Sonne a stripling of good age T will make one laugh to see him and his Page Like to a garded Vrchin walkes the streetes Looking for reuerence of each one he meetes Eagles must honour Owles and Lyons Apes And wise men worship fooles for farre fetcht shapes Epigram 22. GReat Captaine Sharke doth wonderfully muse How he shall spend the day that next ensues There 's no Play to be plaid but he hath seene At all the Theaters he oft hath beene And seene the rise of Clownes and fall of Kings Which to his humor no contentment brings And for he scornes to see a Play past twice Hee le spend the time with his sweet Cockatrice Epigram 23. A Compleat Gallant that hath gone as farre That with his hands from Skies hath pluckt a Starre And saw bright Phoebus when he did take Coach And Luna when her Throane she did approach And talkt with Iupiter and Mercury With Vulcan and the Queene of Letchery And saw the net the stumpfoot Blackesmith made Wherein fell Mars and Venus was betraid With thousand other sights he saw in Skies Who dares affirme it that this gallant lyes I
Mankinde and his Countries choaker The helhownd whelpe the shoulder-clapping Serient That cares not to vndoe the world for Argent The postknight that will sweare away his soule Though for the same the law his eares doe powle The smoaky black-lungd puft Tobacconist Whose ioy dothin Tobacco sole consist The chollericke Gull that 's tangled with a Drab And in her quarrell will his father stab The baudy dry boand letcherous Baboone Would faine repent hut thinkes it is too soone The ryming Iygmonger would be a Poet But that the Rascall hath not wit to show it The wrinkled Bawd and dambd Vermillian whore That buyes and sells the pox t' increase their store The greasy cauesdropping dore-keeping Pander That with a Puncke to any man will wander The conycatching shifter 〈◊〉 most briefe And when hee s hangd hee le cease to be a thiefe The 〈◊〉 Drunkard will carrowse and quaffe Till like a Hog he tumble in his draffe Besides there 's diuers other helborne sinnes As some great men are wrapt in Misers skinnes For feare of whose dislike 〈◊〉 hold me still And not bumbast them with my Ganders quill Consider with thy selfe good Reader then That heere thou 〈◊〉 amongst those wicked men Who on this earthly stage together keepe Like mag gots in a putrified sheepe Whose damned dealings blacke confusion brings By the iust iudgement of the King of Kings Pastorall Equinocks or a Shepheards complaint I That haue trac'd the mountaines vp and downe And pipte and chanted Songs and pleasant layes The whilst my flokes haue friskt it on the downe Now blinded loue my sportiue pleasures layes I that on greeny grasse could lay me do wne And sleepe as soundly as on beds of downe I then was free from loues all wounding blowe My Ewes and Lambs then merrily could folde I carde not then which way the winde did blowe Nor had I cause with griefe my armes to folde I feard not Winters frost nor Summers sonne And then was I a happy mothers sonne I then could haunt the Market and the Faire And in a frolicke humor leape and spring Till she whose beauty did surpasse all faire Did with her frosty 〈◊〉 nip my Spring Then I alas alas vnhappy I Was made a captiue to her scornefull eie VVhen loue 's fell shaft within my breast did light Then did my Cock-horse pleasures all a light Loues fiery 〈◊〉 ecclipsed all my light And she vnkinde weyde all my woes to light O then my merry dayes away did hie VVhen I so lowe did dote on one so hie Her beauty which did make Loues Queene a Crowe VVhofe white did shame the Lilly red the Rose VVhen Phoebus messenger the Cocke did crowe Each morne when from hia Antipods he rose Despight of gates and barres and bolts and lockes Heed kisse her face and guild her golden lockes VVhich makes my rest like those that restles be Like one that 's hard pursude and cannot flye Or like the busie buzzing humming Bee Or like the fruitles nought respected Flye That cuts the subtill ayre so swift and fast Till in the Spiders web hee 's tangled fast As blustring Boreas rends the losty Pyne So her vnkindenes rends and reaues my heart I weepe I waile I sigh I grone I pine I in ward bleed as doth the wounded Hart. She that alone should onely wish me well Hath drownd my ioyes in sorrowes ioyles well The 〈◊〉 Tyger and the sauage Beare All Beasts and Birds of prey that haunt the wood In my laments doe seeme some part to beare But onely She whose feature makes me wood As barbing Autumne robs the trees of leaues Her 〈◊〉 scorne me voyd of comfort leaues No Castle Fort no Rampier or strong Hold But Loue will enter without Law or Leaue For where affections force hath taken hold There lawles loue will such impression 〈◊〉 That Gods nor men nor fier earth water winde 〈◊〉 Loues straight lawes can neither turne nor wind Then since 〈◊〉 haples haps falls out so hard Since all the fates on me their anger powre Since my laments and moanes cannot be heard And she on me shewes her commaunding power What then remaines but I dissolue in teares Since her disdaines my heart in pieces teares Dye then sad heart in sorrowes prison pend Dye face that 's 〈◊〉 with a deadly dye 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 that in her praise hath Poems pend 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 and Hand haples and helples dye 〈◊〉 Serieant Death that rests and tak'st no bale 〈◊〉 onely thou must ease my bitter bale This said he sighd and fell into a sownd That 〈◊〉 the Hills and Groues and neigbouring Plaines The Ecchoes of his groanings seemd to sound With repercussion of his dying plaines And where in life he scorned counsell graue Now in his death he rests him in his graue Epitaph HEere lies ingrau'd whose life fell death did sacke Who to his graue was brought vpon a Beere For whome let all men euer mourne in Sacke Or else remember him in Ale or 〈◊〉 He who in life Loues blinded God did lead Now in his death lies heere as cold as Lead Sonnet In trust lies treason THe fowlest friends assumes the fairest formes The fairest Fields doth feed the fowlest Toad The Sea at calm'st most 〈◊〉 is to stormes In choysest fruit the canker makes aboad So in the shape of all belieuing trust Lyes toad inuenomd treason cooched close Till like a storme his trothles thoughts out burst Who canker-like had laine in trusts repose For as the fire within the flint confinde In deepest Ocean still vnquencht remaines Euen so the false though truest seeming minde Despight of truth the treason still retaines Yet maugre treason trust deserueth trust And trust suruiues when treason dies accurst Death with the foure Elements TWo Infant-twinnes a Sister and a Brother When out of dores was gone their carefull Sire And left his babes in keeping with their mother Who merrily sate singing by the fire Who hauing fild a 〈◊〉 with water warme She bathd hen girle O ruthles tale to tell The whilst she thought the other safe from harme Vnluckily into the fire he 〈◊〉 VVhich she 〈◊〉 lets her daughter drowne And rashly ran to saue her burning sonne Which finding dead she hastily casts downe And all agast doth to the water runne Where seeing tother was depriud of breath She gainst the earth falls downe and dasnt her braines Her Husband comes and sees this worke of death And desperate hangs himselfe to ease his paines Thus death with all the elements conspire To reaue mans life Earth Water Aire and Fire Epilogue GOod Reader if my harshe vnlearned rimes Where with my Muse hath whipt these heedles times Hath pleasd thy pallat with their true endeauor She then will thinke her selfe most fortunate And shall heere after be importunate Her selfe in better labors to perseuer I speake not to those ignorant Iacke = 〈◊〉 That with their Canker-biting enuious iawes Will seeme to staine my Muses innocence But in all humblenes I yeeld to those
counsell all that either hate or loue him Rather beleeue him then to goe disproue him Epigram 24. DRusus his portion gallantly hath spent What though he did it to a good entent Vnto a wise man it seemes neuer strange That men should put their mony to exchange Nay then I see he was a subtill Fox What had he for 't I pray sweet Sir the Pox. I doe not like his bargaine why wherefore His mony still wan'd lesse his pox wax more He need not now feare wasting of his stocks Spend what he can he nere shall want the pox Epigram 25. NEat Master Scapethrift railes against all riet Commending much a temperate sparing diet What though he hath bene prodigall and wilde Those idle fancies now he hath exilde What though he hath bene frequent with excesse Of Dice of Drabs and drowsie Drunkennes Yet now hee 's changd sir he is not the man The case is alterd now from what t was than The Prologue of his wealth did teach him spend And t is the Epilogue that makes him mend Epigram 26. A Greedy Chuffe once being warnd in poste To make appearance at the Court of Hell Where grisly Pluto hotly rules the roste And being summond by the passing Bell With heapes of Golde he would haue bribed Death But he disayning bribes depriu'd his breath Epigram 27. DOctor Donzago one of wondrous learning And in Astronomy exceeding cunning Of things thats past and comming hee s discerning His minde on Prophesies is euer running Of Commets Meteors Apparitions Of Prodigies and exhalations Of Planets natures and conditions And of the spheares great calculations Yet want of one skill all his cunning smothers Who lies most with his wife himselfe or others Epigram 28. BRaue Bragadocio whome the world would threaten Was lately with a fagot sticke sore beaten Wherefore in kindenes now my Muse must weepe Because his resolution was a sleepe Epigram 29. WAlking along the streetes the other day A ragged Soldier crost me on the way And though my Purses lyning was but scant Yet somewhat I bestowd to ease his want For which he kindely thankt me with his hart And tooke his leaue and friendiy we did part When straight mine eyes a Horse and Footcloth spide Vpon whose backe in pompous state did ride One whome I thought was Deputy to Ioue Yet not this Soldiers wants could pitty moue But with disdainefull lookes and tearmes of scorne Commaunds him trauell whether he was borne T will almost make a puritane to sweare To see an Asses Horse a Cloake to weare When Christians must goe naked bare and thinne Wanting apparrell t'hide their mangled skinne Vaine world vnto thy Chaos turne agen 〈◊〉 bruitish beasts are more esteemd then men Epigram 30. LIefetenant Puffe from Cleaueland is returnd Where entring of a Breach was sorely burnd And from Reuenge hee le neuer be perswaded Till the lowe Countries he hath quite inuaded When his hot wrath makes Netherlands to smoake Hee s bound for Deepe in Fraunce with irefull stroake But haue a care in these hot warres of Fraunce Least in a pocky heat you spoyle your Launce Epigram 31. A Loue-sicke Woer would a Sonnet write In praise of her that was his hearts delight Hoping thereby his wished loue to winne And to attaine it thus he did begin Starre of the Earth and Empresse of my Soule My Loue and Life that doth my thoughts controule Sole Queene of my affections and desire That like to Aetna sets my heart on fire Thy golden Lockes resembling brightest Amber Most fit to grace some mighty Monarkes Chamber Thine eyes ecclipsing Titan in his rysing Thy Face surpassing Natures best deuising Thy Lips Euaporates most sweete perfumes Thy Voyce the Musicke of the Spheares assumes Perfection wounds more then Loues Shaft and Bowe Thy red the Rose doth shame thy white the snowe Thou Worlds wonder Natures dearest Iewell Staine not thy Vertues with thy being cruell O thou that art my Soules adored Saint Be penetrable to my woes complaint Thus the poore Bull-finch spends the day in moanes The night he wasts in deepe heart-gnawing groanes For a most silthy vgly odious Whore On whome he spends his substance and his store Deuising millions of egregious lyes To raise his Punckes foule feature to the skyes Epigram 32. LOoke how yon I etchers Legs are worne away With haunting of the Whore-house euery day He knowes more greasy Panders Bauds Drabs And eats more Lobsters Artichockes and Crabs Blew roasted Egges Potatoes Muskadine Oysters and pith that growes i' th Oxes Chine With many Drugs Compounds and Simples store Which makes him haue a stomacke to a Whore But one day hee le giue ore when t is too late When he stands begging through an iron grate Epigram 33. LIght fingerd Francis begging in the Iayle Did chance to see a friend of his passe by Thinking his lamentations would pre uaile And that some coyne would from his bounty fly Those antient friends one thrall and tother free One hungry lowsy ragged and forlorne The tother fat with prodigallity Makes him this answere mixt with pride and scorne What Franck quoth he art there for Ale and Cake Why how the Deuill comes this luckles crosse Faith Sir quoth Franck your Mastership mistakes For I am heere for stealing of a Horse Troth I mistooke indeed and so didst thou For at this time I haue no mony now Epigram 34. MOunsieur Luxurio hath bene with a Puncke Whereby his Worships purse is shrowdly shrunke And now for pennance of his former ryet With good Duke Humfry he must take his dyet Thus with a crosseles purse and meatles maw 〈◊〉 his case quite past the helpe of Law Epigram 35. THere chanst to meet together in an Inne Foure men that thought that lying was no sinne The 〈◊〉 an old man was in age well enter'd The next a traueller that farre had venter'd The third a Poet in prose and verse attir'd The fourth a Painter for his art admir'd These foure striued each other to excell Who should in lying beare away the Bell The old man said that when he was a boy To lift nine hundred waight was but a toy To iump in plaine ground thirty foote at least Then was accounted but an idle iest The 〈◊〉 replide that he had seene The King of Pigmies and the Fairy Queene And bene where triple-headed Cerberus Did guard the sulphrus gate of Erebus The Poet he had bene at Hellicon And rakte from embers of obliuion Olde Saturnes downefall and Ioues royall rysing With thousaud fictions of his wits deuising And for the Painter scornes to come behinde He paints a flying Horse a golden Hinde A Sagitary and a grim wilde man A two-neckt Eagle and a cole-blacke swan Now Reader tell me which of those fower Lyers Doth best deserue the whetstone of their hyers Epigram 36. THough Death do Vsurers of life depriue Yet their extorcions euer shall suruiue Epigram 37. MIraculos wonders in the Brittish clime Monsters of Nature sprung from putred slime
Sampson that puld the Gates of Gaza downe Nor Libian Hercules whose furious frowne Would mase strong Giants tame the Lyons rage Were not so strong as Gallants of this age Why you shall see an vpstart Corkebraind Iacke Will beare fiue hundred Akers at his backe And walke as stoutly as it were no load And beare it to each place of his aboad Men of such strength I iudge it necessary That none but such should Porters burdens carry Epigram 38. FOr Gods loue tell what gallant Gull is that With the great Feather and the Beauer Hat O now I know his name is Mounsieur Shift Great Cosin german to Sir Cutbert Theft All his reuenues still he beares ab out him Whorehouse nor Ordinaries neuer are without him False Dice sharp Knife and nimble nimming fingers Are his sworne Subiects and his tribute bringers Thus doth he swagger sharke steale filtch and quarrell Vntill the hangmans wardrop keepes his parreli Epigram 39. A Famous house in poasting hast is built A gallant Porch with Pillars all beguilt Braue lofty Chimnies pitty to defile them Pray make no fire for the smoake will soyle them Epigram 40. A Worthy Knight there is of antient fame And sweet Sir reuerence men doe call his name By whose industrious pollicie and wit There 's many things well tane were else vnfit If to a fowle discourse thou hast pretence Before thy foule words name Sir reuerence Thy beastly tale most pleasantly will slip And gaine the praise when thou deserust the Whip There 's nothing vile that can be done or spoake But must be couerd with Sir reuerence Cloake His antient pedegree who euer seekes Shall finde hee s sprung from mongst the gallant Greekes Was Aiax Squire great Champion to God Mars Pray God Sir Reuerence blesse your Worships Epigram 41. HVnting is all this Gentlemans delight Yet out of Towne his Worship neuer rides He hunts inuisible and out of sight For in the Citty still his game abides He hunts no Lyon Tygre nor the Bore Nor Bucke nor Stagge nor Hart nor Hinde nor Hare But all his sport 's in hunting of a whore And in the Chase no trauell he will spare He hath one Dog for hunting of the Cunny Worth a whole kennell of your flapmouthd Hounds He will not part with him for any mony But yet the Curre will course beyond his bounds But I aduise him to respect his lot Least too much heating make him pocky hot Epigram 42. FAlling a sleepe and sleeping in a dreame Downe by the Dale that flowes with Milke Creame I saw a Rat vpon an Essex Cheese Dismounted by a Cambrian clad in Freese To bid his Worship eat I had no need For like a Serieant he began to feed Epigram 43. A French and English man at dinner sate And neither vnderstanding others prate The Frenchman sayes mange proface Mounsieure The Englishman begins to storme and sweare By all the Deuills and the Deuills dams He was not mangie but i th wrists and 〈◊〉 Epigram 44. A Dead dead bargaine is a quicke quicke wife A quicke wife lyes ore long vpon ones hands But for a dead wife that hath lost her life A man may sooner vtter then his lands This Riddle greatly doth amaze my head That dead thinges should be quick and quick things dead Loe then I le make an outcry wondrous strange If death doe any wife of life depriue I le giue her husband coyne to boot and change And for his dead wife one that is aliue Besides I le pay the 〈◊〉 and the feast And take my wife againe when shee s dtceast Epigram 45. Omus sits mumming like an 〈◊〉 Elfe Hates others good nor doth no good himselfe Epigram 46. REader if any thing this Booke did cost Thou needst not deeme thy coyne and labor lost T will serue thee well Tobacco for to dry Or when thou talkst with mother Anthony T will serue for Muckenders for want of 〈◊〉 So farwell Reader I remaine thy detter Satire THou that hast euer bene a rouing Theese A diuing Cutpurse or a periurd Slaue And in all villany hast bene the Chiefe And with a brasen brow canst iustice braue That stealst thy pedegree from antient houses And 〈◊〉 in broaking Sattin euery day That takst delight in stabbing and Carowses Not caring how thou letst thy loose life stray Thou that hast bene a Traytor to thy Prince A great Arch-villaine to thy natiue soyle And wouldst by treachery exile from thence The blessed peace hath bene procurd with toyle Thou that hast bene a Machiuilian For damned slights conceits and pollicy Thou that hast bene an Antichristian Or 〈◊〉 with blinded heresy If any of these vile iniquities Haue bene the Axioms of thy passed life Then view the Roles of old antiquities And see goods got with falshood lost with strife There shalt thou see how Iustice euermore Hath poyz'd the Ballance and vpheld the Sword How Grauitie inspirde with Wisdomes lore Hath Vertue honord and foule Vice abhord How Treason hath bene seuerd lim from lim How Theft and Murder there haue paid their hire How those that erst in worldly pompe did swim Haue soyld their fortunes in disgraces mire How 〈◊〉 hath forfeited his eares How 〈◊〉 mounted on the Pillory How graceles 〈◊〉 that nothing feares Doe end their dayes in loathed misery How Vsury is plagued with the Gowt How Auarice complayneth of the Stone How guilty Consciences are still in dout How Enuy gnawes on Honor to the bone How Letchery is laden with the pox How Prodigallity doth end with woe How Panderisme is headed like an Ox Because the destinies apoynt it so How drunkennes is with the dropsie fraught And made his visage like a fiery Commet Who being full must leaue the tother draught Till like a Swine he wallow in his vommet How dambd hipocrisie with faigned zeale And outward shew of painted holynes Doth like a Canker eat the publike weale All scornefull pride yet seemes all lowlynes To thee that readst this therefore be it knowne If any of those vices are immurde Within thy heart not to the World yet showne If by this reading thou maist be allurde To turne thy tide of life another way And to amendment all thy thoughts incline And to thy rebell will no more obay But seeke by vertuous actions to combine Fame to thy friends and terror to thy foe And say t was friendly counsell told thee so Satire THis childish Anticke doating pie-bald world Through which the Deuill all blacke sins hath hurld Hath hene so long by wickednes prest downe From the freese Plow-swaine to th' Imperiall Crowne We haue so long in vice accustomd bin That nothing that is wicked lookes like sin The glistring Courtier in his gaudy tire Scornes with his heeles to know his russet Sire The pettifogging Lawyer crammes vp Crownes From hobnayld Boores and sheepeskin country Clownes The gaping greedy gryping Vsurer The sonne of Hell and Sathans treasurer The base 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 sould bribing Broaker The 〈◊〉 of