cruel imprisonment should abate my constancy so as it would do my countenance and make those who should be spectatours at my Death to think that I was afraid of punishments and that Death was terrible to me I know very well continued he that I cannot hope for pardon and as I would not desire to live after I had acknowledged my self a Criminal I confess all my crimes and even those whereof I was not accused that so the horrour you ought to have to suffer so great a Criminal to live should oblige you to give a sudden determination of my death and as short a day for it Though Sestianes was long before suspected and even before his confession they ceased any longer to doubt of his crime yet his discourse was very surprizing to those Judges as well as it acquainted them with the Authour of our Heroe's Death They caused him to be lockt up again and went to inform the King and Prince Theomedes of all had passed and what Sestianes had told them Their astonishment could not keep them from bestowing some sighs upon the Death of Democrates whose innocence thereby was fully known to them and reflecting upon the generosity of Anaxander whom the trouble and confusion in which they were had till then kept them from esteeming as they ought to have done Prince Theomedes cryed out that he had never seen a person so generous nor so faithfull a friend and that he had reason to boast of his crime in the first Letter he had sent them the misterious fence of which he so perfectly knew and which he had reason to say that as bad a Criminal as he declared himself to be he hoped that posterity should not be able to reproach his honour since that his crime was so glorious and generous that posterity ought to conserve the remembrance of it to cause it to be admired by all those that should hear it The King having understood by the relation that was given him what Sestianes had said and heard of all the crimes he had charged himself with and that Arcas had caused Democrates to be murthered immediately ordered him to be arrested but as he was of too illustrious a birth and likewise had several Relations and Friends that held a very considerable rank at Court he presently learnt all that had past there and by a hasty flight had escaped the prison they had prepared for him and some time after they heard that he was got into France As for Sestianes he had what he desired and was a little while after condemned to lose his head Prince Theomedes would neverthelesse have used his utmost interest to prevent that sentence against his life if he had been only guilty against him but there was so much perfidiousness in his crime which came from a breast so black and wicked that he was judged utterly unworthy to obtain any favour and that such a perfidious and dangerous man ought not to be permitted to live who knew how to dissemble with so much art and who was capable of accomplishing whatsoever he undertook which could be no other then such things as must needs have most cruel and pernicious consequences This crafty and undaunted Criminal satisfied at the expence of his life the sentence that had been given against him and died as almost all of that Country are wont to do that is to say with a constancy worthy to be admired and so it was by a great number of people who spoke very advantagiously of his Criminal and ingenious carriage and said that he had a wit capable of the most difficult and hazardous enterprises That which was the more remarkable in this History was that Democrates without thinking in the least of it had himself laboured to revenge his death before he died and that Heaven had suffered Cleobis to be among the five hundred prisoners whom that generous Heroe had helped to take in the service of his King without knowing that among them there was a person who could remove the doubt they had of his Innocence and discover the real guilty person and who in re-establishing his glory could hinder posterity from making his memory odious and in a word who could revenge his death by the blood of the most perfidious man in the world I think it is not necessary to relate what Sestiana said and did between the condemnation of her Father and his death nor at that time that she heard of his death for it is very well known than the power of grief makes one at first not to resent it that the surprise it causes keeps one silent and that the extream weakness it easts one into takes away the sence The violence of Sestiana's grief produced all these effects and she could not resent and know all the calamities that were befallen her altogether untill the trouble and seizure were a little over which gave her such fatall and sensible intelligences But when she was a little come to her self and in a condition of resenting the cruel assaults of her grief O heavens said she to her self is it possible you should have resolved that I shold indure so many miseries is it possible that you should permit it and can it be believed that a poor harmless maid should be destined to bear all the rage of the most barbarous and pittiless fate Ah! how did Democrates say to me when I spoke to him of the crime which he was unjustly accused of that the guilty person would cost me many tears Both the guilty and the innocent do cost me so at once I knew not the crime of one untill it was impossible for me to prevent his destruction and I did not learn the innocence of the other untill after his Death I did not demand so much nor would I have known of my Fathers crime only have heard of the innocence of Democrates but I would have known it that so I might have recompenced it and not have been obliged only to pour out tears Ah! too sensible loss of a dear and faithfull Lover into what a sad condition do you reduce me Ah! Democrates how will thy Death cost me tears ah too blind Father what have you done ah but what pursued she am I sensible of what I do I more bewail a Lover then a Father yes it is true I do bewail him and that without shocking either reason or duty or virtue and though I ought to bewail them both yet fate will have it that he who should be the dearest to me should be the least bewailed Ah! wherefore too scrupulous Lover did you not discover your secret to me I should have known your innocence and would have marryed you before my Father had forbid it but you imagined that I would not have believed your discourses and you would not put any thing to the hazard You resolved to be prudent but your prudence which was almost fatal to you has not in this occasion been more favourable then formerly It is true it has spared me many displeasures which possibly would not have been so cruel to me and which perhaps I might have now forgot and I acknowledge this service after thy death But replied she immediately ought I to count that a Service which makes me now to weep and which has caused thy death and likewise that of my Fathers yes continued she it was one but time has made it fatal our common unhappiness has poisoned it and prudence which promises and which affords others so much good fortune will give us only causes of afflicting our selves and after it did make thee lose the favour of thy Prince kept thee from making any further declaration of thy flame to me when thou mightest have married me to have made me doubt your Innocence to have betrayed you in all things and to have rendered all your actions fatal to you and at last to have cost you your life that if it had not hindered you from being the death of Arcas that inhuman Rival had not made you be assassinated It is impossible for life to be any longer pleasing to me after the loss of so faithful a Lover and it cannot but be hateful to me after the death of a Father who has lost his head upon a Scaffold wherefore in honour and Love I ought to be so much the more desirous to die since it is only that which can put an end to all my cruel torments with which my Soul will be overwhelmed as long as I have a day to live The sorrow of this fair and generous afflicted Lady could not possibly meet with any diminution time which for the most part wears out other griefs how cruel so ever could doe nothing upon hers till at last she met with what she so much desired which was so violent a Feavour that in a few days it put an end to all her troubles as it did to her life Five or six months after all these bloody and Tragical adventures they were informed that Anaxander had revenged the death of his friend for having met Arcas in France he obliged him to draw in which duell he only received a slight wound from him but came off a conqueror by laying his Enemy dead at his feet FINIS Novels Printed for R. Bentley and M. Magaes Zelinda a Romance 12d Happy Slave in 3. parts compleat 2s 6d Heroine Musquiteer in 4. parts compleat 3s Cheating Gallant 12d Disorders of Love 12d Triumphs of Love over fortune 12d Almanzor and Almanzaid 12d Double Cuckold 12d Obliging Mistriss 12d Colona's Memoirs 1s 6d Fatal Prudence 1s 6d In the Press The Princess of Cleves The Theatre of the World Some French Books
languishing voice and an air the most passionate in the world if there be nothing but my hatred that can draw upon me yours I am sure you will never hate me as long as you live you demand that of me which is not in my power for love and hatred are not voluntary things and if when one has once began either to love or hate it is impossible any longer to be Master of those two great and violent passions it is very difficult to kindle them when one has not as yet began to resent them But yet I will avow to you if that can bring you any satisfaction that my desires were agreable to yours that I have done whatever I could to hate you and that it has not been possible for me to effect it any more then it has been for you which clearly shows that our hearts do not agree with our desires that they have given themselves up absolutely to love and that they have not any place in them to receive hatred Since you will not hate me replied Sestiana to him I will be more generous then you I will begin first to do my duty and by my example inspire into you those sentiments you ought to have What Madam answered Democrates can you then resolve to hate me when you ought to give me the most signal marks of your love Ah! let me beseech you think of the violence I do to my self for your sake and remember that the ardent affection I conserve for you after those treatments I have received from your father ought to make you have in my favour more pleasant and obliging sentiments That ardent affection which you conserve for me after an affront which ought to be so sensible to you replied she to him produces more effects then you imagine for if it makes me to know the greatness and excess of your love it at the same time makes me to understand your baseness and if according to the rule which is that one should return love for love it obliges me to have a kindness for you according then to that other which is that one should look upon the base with contempt it obliges me to hate you Do whatsoever you please replyed this unfortunate Lover to her I will bear all from you without murmuring I will respect your choller I will respect your hatred and in spight of all your contempts I will conserve for you a love so firm and constant that there shall be nothing in the world capable to shake it Well then answered this Generous Heroin Lover since you force me to acknowledg a weakness which shall never be of advantage to you I do love you I own it and though I would yet I cannot oblige my heart to hate you but in spight of all that love that this perfidious heart will conserve I am going to marry Arcas to make you know that Ah! Madam interrupted the miserable Domocrates whom those words had almost rendered immoveable what crime have committed that can oblige you to punish me with so much rigour hate me rather for heav'ns sake then love me in this manner So long as you shall hate me I shall hope always that my love and my respects may be able one day to o'recome your hatred and render me possessor of one of the fairest persons in the world but when I shall see you in the arms of Arcas I shall only hope from death to derive the end of all my pains and sufferings Yet if you knew pursued he fetching a deep sigh what I do for your repose and if you knew the tears and the cruel afflictions I keep from you I am sure you would treat me with less rigour but whatsoever the evils that my silence causes me your repose is too dear to me not to preferr it to mine I should be afraid I might see you die with regret and grief and that fear forces me to conceal from you a secret which would cost you too dear All that I demand of you continued he for the reward of a service which possibly you will never know the greatness of and which proceeds only from an excess of love and generosity is that you would not marry Arcas You would then interrupted Sestiana oblige me to pay a service without knowing it and even without knowing whether it be true that you have rendered me any or no. Ah! Madam cryed Democrates interrupting he rin his turn this service has somewhat so particuler in it that I cannot render it to you and discover it to you both together the one is incompatible with the other and if I told it you I should not then render it to you Since that this secret is of so great importance replied this charming person to him I will not oblige you to reveal it and show my self curious as the generality of my sex do for fear my curiosity should be punished and I should repent my earnestness in pressing you to discover it This discourse replied Democrates to to her does not surprise me I knew long since how much above other women you were and that you do nothing wherein there is not an extraordinary height of prudence to be observed but in short Madam as this vertue is not repugnant to that which I demand of you and and that it does not oblige you to betray me let me beseech you to tell me what it is you would have me to hope for and if you are resolved to marry Ah! let us not discourse any longer said the fair Lady interrupting him either of love or of marriage do not force me if you love me to discover my weakness to you and do not constrain me to betray my virtue When you were without a Rival I did not finde it so difficult to testify my choller to you but now I must complain of you in spite of all my resistance my heart will not let me resolve to hate you but speaks to me in your favour and tells me you will cost me not a few tears I do not know whence this melancholy foreknowledge proceeds but I perceive very well that pity does interess it self as much for you as Love and indeavours to stifle all those sentiments I ought to have to your disadvantage Do not enquire any further answered-our Heroe from whence those sentiments of love and pity proceed that speak to you so much in my favour my Love and my innocence without doubt are the cause of them and thereby do advertise you not to betray in marrying Arcas the most faithfull and most passionate of all Lovers because that when you come to be convinced of his innocence the death you will have brought upon him by your cruel carriage will oblige you to bestow upon him some tears The Lady staid till then without pouring out any but at those very words she could not forbear shedding a few which she mingled with those sighs that at the same time broke from her and immediately took her
the world and with as great an assurance in his voice to render my self a prisoner to justifie me of what Democrates has said of me dying had I been criminal I should not with so much confidence dare now to appear before you I should have been by this time far enough off of this place and have had time enough to make my escape from the just chastisement that would have been due to me but I desire to prove it a meer imposture and so show my innocence for it is only virtue that is the cause of my crime Yes my virtue is all that has rendered me guilty since that continued he addressing himself to Prince Theomedes what I lately did for you in discovering the Letter that Democrates was sending to his friend was the occasion of his resolving to do what he could to make my innocence be suspected and to be revenged for my making his to be called in question It is well known how sweet revenge is and what it will prompt a man to do what effects it produces daily that there are some persons who find it impossible to stifle the sentiments it inspires them withal that there are some with whom it never dies and indeed who keep it up even after death in leaving it as an Inheritance to their Children or friends or elce in saying such words when they are dying as make 'em persecute after their death those whom they were resolved to be revenged of while they were alive This revenge is oft times too deeply rooted in the hearts of men and which of all the passions dies last with them which has made Democrates to say that he had very powerful manifestations of my crime it is clearly demonstrable by those last words that he was cruelly troubled with this outragious passion that it compleated his desires and took up all his thoughts since that then when he should have been only thinking on that great account he was going to make to the Gods of all his actions it was only the power of revenge that was able to open his mouth Yet he had not that audaciousness positively to affirm that I was a Criminal for fear least his Imposture might have been too apparent but was forced in-spite of his good inclination to ruin me to be contented with only making my innocence doubted of possibly thinking that in case his wounds should not be mortal he might be obliged to prove what he had said And thus you see continued he both what is my crime and wherefore I am criminal yet notwithstanding my Innocence if you suspect me to be guilty said he throwing himself upon his knees before the King and Prince Theomedes I have deserved to die and will seek it with a passionate earnestness since I 've merited your anger and whosoever has had the unhappiness to displease Kings and Princes and has procur'd himself their anger is unworthy to live or at least deserves to have but a languishing life accompanied with a thousand miseries and full of melancholy fears and torments and inquietudes If the King and Prince Theomedes could not keep their surprise from being taken notice of in seeing Sestianes coming up to them his words made it much more visible in their looks they stood a good while silent not knowing what they had best to doe nor indeed what they had best to say to him but at last being overcome by his artifices they took the most deceitful and perfidious of all men breathing for the most generous and thought it would be an injustice to question his innocence and that they ought to send him away with a perfect absolution that which perswaded Theomedes to it was that if he had conspired against him which he could not believe for the reasons I have acquainted you with this civil treatment would oblige him possibly to change his design of killing him into that of doing him service This crafty perfidious wretch after he had kist the Kings hand and the Princes withdrew very much satisfied at the favourable success of so uncommon a temerity and as before ever he went about this devise he had acquainted his assosiates with it and bid them not to be allarmed at it nor fear any thing he went strait from the presence to give them an account of what had past and to let them know the good fortune that his address and artifices bad met with and the esteem that the King and Prince Theomedes had of him This intelligence did exceedingly rejoyce the confederates they thought they had no cause of apprehending any thing but that they were as safe as could be and that no mischief could be fall them it being out of the power of fortune to betray them and ever to make them be discovered having got a person so witty so fortunate and so couragious as Sestianes who was able to turn those things to his advantage which in all probability would have wrought his absolute ruin When Sestiana was informed with how much honour her Father was come off of the imputation he lay under her fear began by degrees to abate in thinking that her Father was not looked upon as criminal and that he was not taken prisoner but the more this fear grew off the greater was her regret for the death of so faithfull a Lover all her virtue though it was most severely strict could not keep her from bestowing some tears on a person who had like to take away her Fathers life I perceive very well said she to her self if Democrates were still living my virtue would not suffer me either to see him or to love him or so much as permit him to have any Love for me but pity obliges me do what I can to bewail the unhappy fate of him to whom I had given my heart none ought to wonder at it nor ought I to wonder at it my self pity produces many other effects and if it force us to bewail our enemies when they are no longer in a capacity of doing us any hurt none need to be amazed if it makes us to regret those whom we have loved I wish said she to her self discoursing still with her thoughts that Democrates had not spoke against my Father but has not my Father spoke against him and after he had promised he should marry me did not he deprive him of all hopes that he would ever give me his hand I wish that Democrates had had those sentiments a generous person ought to have but he was a Man that is to say sensible of injuries and besides an abused Lover and those two things do often oblige persons to do both more then they ought and more then they would To conclude I wish that Democrates had not done what an Heroick but what a severe and scrupulous virtue inspires in those who possess it in the supremest degree but revenge that cruel imperious passion which always governs with an absolute Empire the hearts of those it has got
came to sound him and to endeavour to know cunningly of him if it were true or not that he was acquainted with all the conspiracy thereby the better to order his affairs Sestianes answered that nothing of all this was true and that if he had been to wait upon Democrates to hold such a discourse with him he should not have dared to act against him as he had done for fear he should have recriminated upon him and that since he had said nothing of it all the time he lived whilst it was supposed that he had said those things to him which very likely would have ruined him and that he had not so much as spoke of them when he was dying it was very easie to see that it was a meer falsity that was imputed to him He added that it was no wonder if Anaxander did seek to take away his life for having put into the hands of the King the letter that Democrates writ to him that he had done things much more considerable to secure the reputation of his friend and that since he had rendered himself guilty for his sake though he was Innocent he might very easily be induced to tell a lye to be revenged of a person who had acted against him who was not able to bear his crime without horror and who likewise could not refrain showing the proofs he had of it Never were persons seen in a greater perplexity and confusion then were the King and Prince Theomedes after they had heard the answer that Sestianes made they were clearly of opinion that he might justly be suspected but they did not see which way he could be convicted and as all probabilities signifie nothing without positive proofs and that it is a most unjust thing to condemn a person upon a bare suspicion they could not tell how in the world to get out of this trouble that Sestianes put them into by his confidence and undaunted resolution What said Prince Theomedes must I confound the Innocent with the guilty believe the most generous of all men are the most base and the most perfidious and that the most perfidious base are the most generous must I think Anaxander to be an Imposter and must I think Sestianes a wicked and perfidious wretch that has determined my death he who to serve me declared against his designed Son in Law and must I in a word by a cruel necessity do an injury to the memory of Democrates and doubt his Innocence who all his life was never known to be guilty of an action unworthy an honourable person But what said he again presently must I be always in fear daily exposed to danger and wait till he whose life I dare not yet take away come and run me through Yes I ought always to be exposed to danger and not fear the fury of those who aim at my life fear is unworthy of a Prince and much more of a generous man Princes ought not to be too careful to secure themselves from the danger that threatens them their courage and their virtue ought to be their guard and to answer for what befals them and that which is looked upon as foresight in others will in them be counted baseness and Cowardice Prince Theomedes after he had a pretty while abandoned himself to his inquietude began to hearken to those sentiments which generosity usually inspires into persons of his Rank and Quallity and went to demand of the King that the most Criminal of all men might be set at liberty when word was brought that one of the five hundred prisoners who had been taken in the late conspiracy where there were ten thousand that rose up against all the Royall house accused Sestianes of the Crime which Democrates had charged him with as he was dying This undaunted Criminal who was ignorant who he should be said as soon as ever he heard of it that this fellow was some cheat and impostor that he did unjustly accuse him and that he would make him to confess the contrary and deny all he had said Whereupon Cleobis for so was that prisoner called was brought before him but he was greatly surprized when he saw that it was one of those who had been of the conspiracy with him and that it was the same person who we were mentioning before was missing and for whom he was so much concerned since that he knew not what was become of him and also that it was him of all the Number whom he most suspected The sight of him had even almost made him change his countenance and his emotion went very near to discover what he had always concealed with so favourable a success Yet notwithstanding his confidence having immediately banished the fear that had begun to seize upon his heart he looked upon Cleobis with an air full of fierceness and a contemning scorn mixt together and said with a disdainfull smile though in the condition I am in at present I might fear all things from my Enemies and that the imposture which may justly be tearmed the innocents executioner makes use of all the most cruel and artificious ways of malice to take away my life yet it is sufficient to scarter my fear that it is only Cleobis who presents himself and is the man that accuses me I do not believe the King nor the Prince Theomedes will easily give any credit to him for any one may very well think that if I had conspired I should not have discovered the secret to a man so much to be mistrusted and it is very apparent that he does not now accuse me but only to prolong his life and by this artifice to hope that Prince Theomedes thinking himself greatly obliged to him will demand his pardon of the King I have been assured by some persons of my acquaintance that my Enemies and the Relations of Domocrates has promised to get his crime pardoned provided he would say that which he had been so hardy to utter against me and which he still neither durst nor can maintain But though all this should not be true pursued he it is very well known that he has formerly been my greatest Enemy and that he was forced to seek my friendship All these circumstances do discover that his former hatred had not now been awakened but that he saw he had a most convenient opportunity for it nor that he had accused me but either from the prospect he had thereby to obtain his pardon or from the satisfaction he should have to see me perish with him and that there ought not to be any credit given to such a person whom so many several reasons do induce to accuse an innocent If before that Cleobis had accused Sestianes the King and Prince Theomedes's perplexity was great this discourse of that subtil and ingenious Politician gave a greater accession to it and he had still so much good fortune that he made use of those things which were most likely to ruin him to
confound others and cast them into a far greater trouble then that with which his breast was agitated but at last that good fortune grew weary of accompanying so perfidious a wretch and Heaven which was resolved to leave him no longer unpunished now made a truth to be known which had so long been kept secret which had given confusion to so many persons and which untill then could never be discovered what ever ways they had made use of and notwithstanding all they had done to finde it out But yet this wicked man had the happiness not to betray himself and still stood it out with a great deal of wit and bravery as long as it was possible for him He did not put fortune to the blush for the good services she had done him but he showed that his boldness his constancy and his wit did equal his crimes and possibly he might yet have defended himself longer if that some of the conspirators whom Cleobis nam'd had not fled for it and if the others had not been taken prisoners discovered all the particularities maintained to Sestianes's face that he was guilty and had not by convincing proofs and such as were impossible to be doubted of deprived him of all the means of defending himself any longer They asked Cleobis to be more clearly satisfied in all things why he who had told Poligesnes that he would discover all things to him and who was dead before he saw him had said that he believed Demotrates was of the conspiracy Cleobis answered that they had all thought so for he being so near marrying the daughter of Sestianes they were fully perswaded that he had communicated his design to him but it seems that time had discovered to them the contrary The perfidious Sestianes seeing himself convicted yet was not at all the more allarmed at it nor did he show any actions that betray'd the constancy he had always testifyed he confest all without changing his countenance and spoke with as much assurance as if his judges had been the Criminals and he their Judge Yes said he to them since I cannot tell how any longer to defend my self I acknowledge I did conspire against Prince Theomedes and the ill Offices he did me at Court together with the displeasure I received in that he had given to one of his creatures a place which the King intended to bestow on me and which he had even promised me did make me hatch the design of taking away his life and for that purpose I elected such persons as had as indifferent a kindness for him as my self and who had as great reason to complain of him and if you examine well all those of the confederacy added he you will finde that the greatest number of them are those that live near his lands and dominions and whom he has by his unjust tyranny obliged to have an invincible hatred for him and to study all ways imaginable how to compasse his death After this confession you may imagine that Democrates was innocent and that I would not have destroy'd him but for fear lest he should accuse me in the thoughts I had that one of the Conspirators had discovered all to him and that it was only for that he had been suspected of the crime that I was the Authour of If Democrates said I to my self knows all nothing but the love he bears my daughter will keep him from speaking revealing my crime but as there are several things that may stifle this love that may make him repent of his silence and at last hearken to his duty when it shall counsel him to discover and betray me it is my best way to make him undergo the same fate as I have designed for the Prince Theomedes and to be only thinking now how I should effect it with the greatest safety I was in this resolution when a meer chance presented me with the means to bring it about more secret and less perillous then those were I had proposed to my self and gave me an opportunity to execute part of what I had projected and without any blood shed to divert the blow that teemed to threaten me The letter that Democrates writ to Anaxander fell into my hands and I thought it my prudentest course to put it into those of the Kings and that this ill office I should do to the unfortunate Innocent person would prevent all manner of belief of whatsoever he should say against me You have known the success of it but you are ignorant yet that the fear of being discovered having taken a new possession of my heart and that the desire which Ambition had kindled in me to see my Daughter married to Arcas who is as you know both by his Estate and birth much more considerable then Democrates obliged me to seek out fresh occasions of destroying this latter Fortune which continued still favourable to me presented me with one less hazardous then the former I knew that Arcas was cruelly persecuted by his jealousie and that he could not indure my Daughter should conserve any tenderness for Democrates I made use of this occasion to bring my design about and told him that he ought not to suffer a Rival to have half shares of a heart which ought to belong wholly to him As there is need of but a little thing to stir up a jealous man who does not doubt but that his Rival has too great an Interest in the favours of his Mistriss and whom Arcas his jealousie had councell'd before to call him to an account for it he strait fought with Democrates and in that duel met with the shameful success you have heard of which being so fatal to his honour he came to give me a relation of his unhappiness and of the sensible disgrace that Fortune had made him receive I knowing him then to be in a humour fit to undertake any thing I told him it was such a shame to suffer his Rival to live any longer and to have an object that should daily represent to him the affront his honour had received that without any more a doe he was resolved to put a period to his days A short time after he caused Democrates to be assassinated by three persons whom he had hired for that purpose or rather by three of those mercenary Assassines who are daily employed in such murders Now continued he after this particular information you ought not to ask any thing further of me and I have told you more then you would have known had you only learnt that I was the Author of Democrates his death since that without my Conncel Arcas possibly would never have assassinated him This is pursued he a faithful account of all my crimes and all the favour I demand of you if you can grant any to so great a Criminal as I am is to hasten the day of my death lost I should repent that I had committed them and that the tormenting rigour of a long