I thinke for as thou saist if shee be dumbe I am sure shee le say nothing that shal offend her Husband if blind shee le see nothing that shall offend her and where he nor shee 's offended there must needes be a peace but besides this is there no peace thinkest thou in the marriage of a wife Wag. Yes by the mans side like a Gentleman onely by the fathers side but t will nere be any perfit peace Sla. Why why wilt thou marry then Wag. Because I hope to haue some good behauiour of my wife for the peace I neuer looke for but soft ye fellow Slacke mee thinkes your sute is like a hard hearted Landlord it begins to receiue great rents Sla. I I would my Maister had giuen me a suite of Buffe when he gaue me this Wag Phoe buffe is naught man that hath bin out of request quest euer since Souldiers haue bin out of date and they poore men are now vsde like Almanackes of the last yeare either clap-vp behinde the doore or thrust cleane out of doore but if thou wilt haue a suite that shall last indeed lad get thee a suite of lawe Sla. O I doe not like such suites for commonly they that haue many of them goe almost naked for want of cloaths yet I cannot denie but they are verrie lasting but they are subiect to many discommodities so if there bee any goodnesse in one of them your Lawyers like mothes eat shroad holes to it but your Countrie Atturneyes like lice neuer leaue wrighting and wrangling till they haue crep't into it but when it hath bin well worne and growne thrid bare they euen like Lice drop off and leaue it VVag: What saist thou by a suite at court then Slac. I marry sir I like that well for commonly hee that hath but one suite when hee comes there hath two ere he come away for if hee sue by Petition it lies so long in your Courtiers pocket that it is another suite to get his Petition backe againe There is none suddenlie dispatched of his suite there but a Taylor marrie hee staies not at all vnlesse his suite bee to haue moneye for his suite and so hee makes his sute two sutes too ere hee goe But come shall wee goe see what followes after our Maisters new diuorce Wag Why is a diuor'd Sla: I I thinke by this time for hee swore hee would bee presently By my troth I am sorry for it for in my conscience it is without cause it grieues me to see him in these humors for I thanke his VVorshippe he hath euer vsed mee well I am bound to pray for his life VVag. And mee thinkes that 's a strange thing I see no reason for 't that any seruingman should praye for his Maisters life considering all that he haue is in reuertion of him but come le ts followe him for if hee misse vs hee le fret like a grogram I and fume like a stue pot Slac: And let him fume O would his gal would burst with indignation then should his temper procreate my blisse and I inioy that Saint incarnat but what shall I doe since base nor noble shape can win a third I le trie And if that faile knight goe to church and pray For vengeance wings brings on thy lethall day Exeunt Wages Enter the olde Lord alone Lor: Hee that a long waie voyage takes in hand feares dangerous gustes at sea and stormes At land conquering colde that cripels curssed age and doubts least euerie cloud should proue a storme beat his weryed carkasse to the earth But O I wold to God my longest Iourney vnto death were to bee tane for I doe cast no doubts hauing lost all comfort My Sonne I feare is dead The losse of him makes life to me but like a blister on my flesh which grieues mee much and nought can ease vnlesse it breakes O whilst hee liued his presēce was a force vnto my age gaue it such a luster as did inrich my ring of Life for life is but a ring beginning in our weakenesse going round till vnto weaknes we returne again then to the ground The world it selfe is but a skilfull game at chesses which beeing ended Kinges and Queenes Bishops and Knightes into one bags are throwne at last So all of vs both poore and rich shall in the end into the earth as into a Bag be cast-Mans life is like vnto a ship that crost by tempests and by tides some thoughts of his like billowes swell him vp a loft another strikes him downe Thus man as on a sea is toste in fairest weather feares a storme and in a storme the euent but in the ende hee sinckes when life is spent griefe hath no boundes in teares it ebbes and flowes Till it haue drowned life and ended woes Exit Enter Lady Nan and Wages Lady But Wages is there no meanes thinkest thou to turne by it nor to force backe his streame of wrath Wag. Yes I le warrant ye Madam if you le be ruld by me you shall see I le make him seeke to be friendes with you intreat me to speak for him too but then I would haue you seeme a little strange but you shall directly raile on him Therfore I wold haue ye hide your selues here behinde the hangings for t will not be long ere hee come this way and then you shall come foorth and frame your behauiour according as our discourse shall require Nan Masse heere he comes le ts stand close La. Wee will and heauen assist thy proiects Enter Knight Kni. Now Wages what newes with you VVag: That which I thinke will helpe you from beeing diuorc'd Kni. What 's that Wag Why your Lady is not with childe Kni. I' st possible Wag. VVhy how should she vnlesse some Hobgoblin some Incubus or spirit of the butterie should beget it why shee since you were gelded neuer saw a man but through a windowe shee hath neuer trod her foote awry for feare some ill construction should attend her steps which like a boundlesse Ocean deepe inrag'd would drowne her reputation Kni. Not with childe saist thou Wag. Not of my word sir Kni. Wages I would thou wouldst but doe some charitable offices Wag. What make ye friendes againe Kni. True Wag. But you le prooue false and breake that friendshippe Kni. Neuer as I hope to be reconcil'd therefore tell me wilt thou doo 't Wag. Hum truely I would doe my good will but I feare t will be but labour lost Kni. I pray thee doe but trie I faith thou shalt not loose thy paines VVag. O lasse sir you know I must feede on Quailes Kni. That was in my furie man but wilt thou not doe it Wag. Pray sir if you can get some other friend to speake in 't do Kni. Well thou wilt leaue me now then Wag. Alas Sir what would you haue me doe by my troth sir I am asham'd to speake in 't haue yee not gelded and cut off al the content of
perchances as good a man as your selfe swoundes Roguel Nue. Nay be not angrie good friend for yfaith I loue a Souldier with all my heart for indeede I haue a Coussen is one would giue thee something but yfaith I haue no siller yet I giue thee eighteene pence in conceite and so farwell Exit Nuecome Lor Well sir in conceite I thanke ye then Enter Knight and VVages Ye Wages come ye after like a Clog to the heeles of the olde Ape your Maister Kni. Wages how many pounds goe to a stone of beefe Wag. Eight sir Kni: Then I am lighter by sixeteene pound now then I was I may now lie with any Ladie in Europe for any hurt I can doe her Wag. True sir or good either Kni: I can cuckold no man VVag. Yet any man may cuckolde you Kni: What 's he VVages Wag Some poore Souldier sir lately come out of the low countries Lor. I must not now beg lame for feare I loose his seruice by it I beseech yee good black Captaine bestowe something of a poore Souldier that hath serued his Prince both by Sea and land if you bestowe but one poor penny of your liberalitie whē the wheele of fate turnes if the bitter frostes of pouertie doe not in the meane time nip my fortunes in the blossoms I doubt not but to reciprocrate your curtesie VVag Hyda what an excellent fellow this would make to dwell in the exchange how the Rogue prates Kni. VVhat art a Soldier Lor I haue bin one some few yeres Kni: Why then thou art a Gentleman by profession and t is a shame Gentleman to beg Lor So I thinke for I haue Gentleman like qualities enough for I had rather drinke drunke to purge then take Phisicke but will you giue me any thing sir Wag No sir my maister doth not vse to giue Gentlemen money for feare of disgracing them Lor. O I crye you mercie good Maister Mustard-Pot Wag. Mustard pot Gods light mustard Pot and why Mustard pot Lo. Because thou art a sawce-box VVag: Sawce box Kni:. Goe to be quiet Wages Lor. But will ye giue me any thing sir Kni. No not a penny Lor. Come then sir will ye walke a turne or too Kni. Walke with thee why art not lousie Lor. I neede not I haue change enough for I haue two paire of shooes Kni. Wert neuer in better fashion Lor Yes I haue borne the badge of honour in my daies Wag I a hath bin some Noblemans Footeman sure Kni. Was thy Father an Alcumist that thou art so poore Lor. Why doe you not knowe pouertie hath a Gentleman Vshers place it goes bere before death Kni. Thy name Lor. Slacke Kni. Of what Religion art Slac. Faith I am yet cleane paper yee may write on mee what ye will either Puritane or Protestant Kni, Wilt thou serue me Slac. So you will giue me wages Kni. Yes that I will and thou shalt weare my liuery too I le giue it thee thou shalt not buy 't thy selfe Slac. I thanke ye sir Enter a Bawde Wag. O Mistris Correction how doe you Mist Cor. I thanke ye good Maister Wages and how doth that goodly Gelding your Maister Wag Why Gelding Mist Cor. Because he hath both abus'd and accus'de one of the moste vertuous Ladies that euer frisseld her haire Wag. Peace speake soft that 's he Mi. Co Is that he Wag The verry same Mi. Co. Now by my troth I am glad to see your worshippe in good health and how doth your good Worship Lord you looke ill a bodie may see what griefe will doe O had you had a good wife your worship would looke twentie yeares younger then you doe t is euen pittie of her life that would wrong such a sweete man what an excellent complexion your beard 's off and by my troth a keepes his coulour verry well Slacke pinches behinde What now you sawsie Companion you what ayle you trowe Slac: You had an ill Midwife Mistresse she hath not clos'd your mould well behinde Mist. Cor. Marry come vp Iacke an Apes father-in law what can you tell Sla. I felt it by giuing my hand to bid it farwell Mist. Cor. O sir that 's signe ye are a clowne if ye had bin a Gentleman ye would a kist it and a taken your leaue on 't I pray maister Wages what 's this fellowe Wag. A new man of my maisters and I can assure you a tall Souldier too Mist. Cor. A tall Souldier say you so me thinkes his cloathes haue beene in shrode seruices for they are verye dangerously wounded Sir and like your worship this that you haue entertain'd is no man t is some Scar-crowe and you haue done verry ill to take him away the Crowes wil eate vp the Corne now out of all measure pray God wee haue not a deare yeare after it Sla. I know your husband wel Mistris Correction and Mistris Punckit too I heare she keepes her bed much what is she not in health Kni. Haue you such a Gentlewoman lies at your house Mi. Cor. Yes indeede sir a younger Brothers Daughter a kins-woman of my Husbands Kni. It seemes he hath bene acquainted with her Mi. Cor. Who hee no sir she scornes to speake with him vnlesse t weare by an Atturney VVag. Pra'y how doth your Husband good Mistris Correction Mist Cor. The better your asking good Maister Wages Wag. Indeede her Husband is a verry honest painefull man sir Mist. Cor. O maister Wages no no maister Wages you are deceiu'd in him there 's neuer a morning but I am ready and abroad an houre before hee 's vp and when he is vp as I am a liuing woman I can make him doe nothing for my life Kni. No doth he not studdie Mi. Cor. Yes like the Clarke of a great mans kitchin what meate he shall haue for dinner Wag. Beleeue it but he is a good Scholler though O hee hath a passing head of his owne M. C. Hath he I he hath indeed if he knew al I can tel ye he may thank me for 't too for he went to schoole to tme in my first husbāds time Kn. Pra'y what was your first husbād Mi Cor. M. Seldome the preacher an 't like your worship he preach'd in two of his benefices in one day sure t' was the death of him he neuer ioyed himselfe after hee so ouerstrained his voice Kni. And then you married this man Mi. C. Yes forsooth truly afterwards bought him a benefice but he hath sold it again I may tell you though I am no Lady yet he 's cald sir Iohn euery word for all this now he makes no more account of me then your man Mai Wages doth of an old shoe-clout which a neuer thinks off but when a needs and if he cannot finde it why any other thing serues his turne and so he deales by me truely M. Wages I may tell you I meane to put him away Wag. Away I why ye cannot put him away for this M C.