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A54745 The mysteries of love & eloquence, or, The arts of wooing and complementing as they are manag'd in the Spring Garden, Hide Park, the New Exchange, and other eminent places : a work in which is drawn to the life the deportments of the most accomplisht persons, the mode of their courtly entertainments, treatments of their ladies at balls, their accustom'd sports, drolls and fancies, the witchcrafts of their perswasive language in their approaches, or other more secret dispatches ... Phillips, Edward, 1630-1696? 1685 (1685) Wing P2067; ESTC R25584 236,029 441

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laughter and he speaks truth free from slaughter He 's the grace of every feast And sometimes is the chiefest guest Hath his Trencher and his Stool When Wit waits upon the Fool. O! who would not be Hee Hee Hee The Impolitick Beauty CLoris I wish that envy were As just as pity doth appear Unto thy state whereby I might Rob others to give thee more delight But your too free though lovely charms In others glory breeds your harms But since you so admit So many rivals to your wit Unthriftily you throw away The pleasures of your beauties sway Which loosely scatter'd so on many Securely fastens not on any And then your beauty doth discover Many that gaze but ne're a Lover And your so greedy hands destroy What you would your self enjoy So Princes by Ambition thirsty grown In chase of many Kingdoms lose their own YOU must suppose it to be Easter Holy-days for now Sisly and Dol Kate and Peggie Moll and Nan are marching to Westminster with a Lease of Apprentices before them who go rowing themselves along with their 〈…〉 t Arms to make more haste and now and then with a gre 〈…〉 ●uckender wipe away the dripping that bastes their 〈◊〉 At the door they meet a croud of Wappin● Sea 〈…〉 Southwark Broom-men the Inhabitants of the Bank-side and 〈…〉 utcher or two prickt in among them there a while they 〈…〉 nd gaping for the Master of the Shew staring upon the Sub 〈…〉 s of their delight just as they view the painted Cloth before they go in to the Puppet-play by and by they hear the Keys which rejoyces their hearts like the sound of the Pancake-bell for now the Man of comfort peeps over the spikes and beholding such a learned auditory opens the Gates of Paradise and by that time they are half got into the first Chappel for time is then very precious he lifts up his voice among the Tombs and begins his lurry in manner and form following HEre lies Will. de Valence a right good Earl of Pembroke And this is his monument which you see I 'le swear upon a Book He was High Marshal of England when Harry the Third did raign But this you may take upon my word that he 'l ne're be so again Here the Lord Edward Talbot lies the Town of Shrewsbury's Earle Together with his Countess fair that was a delicate Girle The next to him there lieth one Sir Richard Peckshall hight Of whom we always first do say he was a Hampshire Knight And now to tell the more of him there lies under this stone His two Wives and his Daughters four of whom I knew not one Sir Bernard Brockhurst there doth ●le Lord Chamberlain to Queen An● Queen Ann was Richard the Second's Queen and he was King of Englan Sir Francis Hollis the Lady Frances the same was Suffolks Dutchess Two children of Edward the Third lie here in Deaths cold clutches This is King Edward the Third's brother of whom our Records tell Nothing of note nor say they whether he be in Heaven or Hell This same was John of Eldeston he was no Costermonger But Cornwals Earl And here 's one dy'd 'cause she could live no longer The Lady Mohum Dutches of York and Duke of York's Wife also But Death resolving to cuckold the Duke made her lie with him here below The Lady Ann Ross but note thee well that she in child-bed dy'd The Lady Marquess of Winchester lies buried by her side Now think your penny well spent good folks and that ye are not beguil'd Within this Cup doth lie the heart of a French Embassadours Child Nor can I tell how came to pass on purpose or by chance The bowels they lie underneath the body is in France There 's Oxford's Countess and there also the Lady Burley her Mother And there her Daughter a Countess too lie close one by another These once were bonny Dames and though there were no Coaches then Yet could they jog their tails themselves or had them jogg'd by men But wo is me these High-born sinners that strutted once so stoutly Are now laid low and cause they can't Their statues pray devoutly This is the Dutchess of Somerset by name the Lady Ann Edward the Sixth her Lord protected and he carried himself like a man In this fair Monument which you see adorn'd with so many Pillars Doth lie the Countess of Buckingham and her Husband Sir George Villars This old Sir George was Grandfather the Countess she was Granny To the great Duke of Buckingham who often fox'd King Jamny Sir Robert Eatam a Scotch Knight this man was Secretary And scribled Complements for two Queens Queen Ann and eke Queen Mary This was the Countess of Lenox I clep'd the Lady Marget King Jame's Grandmother but yet 'gainst death she had no Target This was Queen Mary Queen of Scots whom Buchanan doth bespatter She lost her head at Fothringham whatever was the matter The Mother of our Seventh Henry this is that lieth hard by She was the Countess wot ye well of Richmond and of Darby Harry the Seventh himself lies here with his fair Queen beside him He was the Founder of this Chappel Oh! may no ill betide him Therefore his Monument's in brass you 'l say that very much is The Duke of Richmond and Lenox there lieth with his Dutchess And here they stand upright in a Press with bodies made of wax With a Globe and a Wand in either hand and their Robes upon their backs Here lies the Duke of Buckingham and the Dutchess his Wife Whom Felton stab'd at Portsmouth Town and so he lost his life Two Children of King James these are which Death keeps very chary Sophia in the Cradle lies and this is the Lady Mary And this is Queen Elizabeth How the Spaniards did infest her Here she lies buried with Queen Mary and now she agrees with her Sister To another Chappel now come we the people follow and chat This is the Lady Cottington and the people cry Who 's that This is the Lady Frances Sidney The Countess of Sussex is she And this the Lord Dudley Carleton is and then they look up and see Sir Thomas Bromley lieth here Death would not him reprieve With his four Sons and Daughters four yet I heard no body grieve The next is Sir John Tullerton and this is his Lady I trow And this is Sir John Duckering with his fine Bed-fellow That 's Earl of Bridgewater in the middle who makes no use of his bladder Although his Countess lies so near him and so we go up a ladder King Edward the First that gallant blade lies underneath this stone And this is the Chair which he did bring a good while ago from Scone In this same Chair till now of late our Kings and Queens were crown'd Under this Chair another stone doth lie upon the ground On that same stone did Jacob sleep instead of a doun Pillow And after that 't was hither brought by some good
men of great reckoning qu. How did a gentleman of late requite him that gave him the horns A. He bit off a convenient piece of his nose as they were together in a coach over against the Half-moon Tayern in the Strand qu. what death would a Dutch man soonest chuse A. To be drown'd in a barrel of English beer qu. what said the gentleman to him that wrangled with him at cards and called him knave A. Sir said he you are a court card that is neither king nor queen qu. What reply made the Lock-Smiths wife to her husband when he would ntver let her be quiet but according to his jealous custom preacht to her a sermon out of his trade of what bars bolts and locks belonged to the chastity of an honest wife A. What a coil is here quoth she with your bars your bolts and your locks you are a little too conceited of your trade when there is never a Tapster nor Ostler that I know but hath as good a key to open it as any Lock-Smith of you all qu. what is good manners in a Chamber-maid A. To exercise her patience behind the hangings whilst her Mistress is busie with a gentleman in the same room qu. what said the French madam to her husband when she went to bed to her Lodger in the next room A. Husband I went only to the Chamber-pot qu. what if dreams and wishes had been all true A. There had not been since Popery one Nun to make a maid of qu. How do you define a Serjeant A. He is for the most part the spawn of a decayed Shop-keeper a hangman and he are twins only a hangman is his eldest brother qu. what is an Almanack maker A. He is a tenant by custom to the Planets of whom he holds the twelve signs by lease parol to which he pays yearly rent qu. which at all times is the best bed-fellow A. Sleep qu. why are women at all seasons more prone to love then other creatures A. Because they are naturally more soft and ticklish qu. whether is the man or woman more constant in love A. The man as he is of a more firm body and spirit qu. Why did Paris see the Goddess naked when he was appointed to give his judgment about the ball A. Because many have handsome faces that if they were stript of their cloaths have such nasty deformity on their bodies that a Beadle of the wand would sooner lose his place then approach them with a clean whip qu. why did the admired Painter Xerxes figure Cupid in a green robe A. Not only to express the youthfulness of love but also to moralize what the colour green signifies which is Hope qu. How may carnal copulation be civilly defined A. It is a mutual action of male and female with convenient instruments ordained and deputed for generation to maintain and multiply the species and kind of every creature qu. why is that saying That the falling out of lovers is the beginning of love A. Because love is like a flame that increaseth with every blast qu what kind of people are those that being as beasts themselves set upon beasts carry beasts in their hands have beasts running about them and all to pursue and kill beasts Sol. Unlearned Hunts-men qu. wherefore is the world round A. To signifie that it nor all in it can fill the heart of man which is triangular qu. what are the benefits of good sents and perfumes A. To purifie the brain refine the wit and awaken the fancy qu. Is lying of any ancient standing A. Yes but not as the atheistical writer antedates and before Adam Q. why is immoderate venery hurtful A. Because it destroyes the sight spends the spirits dries up the radical moisture which is instanced by the naturalists in the Sparrows which by reason of their often coupling live but three years Q. Whence comes it that those that are born deaf are also dumb A. There is a certain tie or conjunction of the nerves which stretch to the ears and from the tongue the which being indisposed from the birth it must of necessity be that those two faculties should be equally affected onely it is confessed that certain sicknesses may make one deaf without being dumb and on the contrary one may be made dumb without being deaf because it may so fall out that one branch of the nerve may be offended without hurting the other Q. Why do lovers sit up with one another whole nights A. Because they cannot go to bed together Q. May a lover die with too much loving A. Yes as 't is in the Song for the space of half an hour but no longer Q. Why is Cupid pictured blinde A. Because he uses in the dark to play at blind-man-buff Q. why do the Dutch eat so much butter A Because they have there fish so cheap Q. what said the Gardiner to his wife when she came to see him hang'd A. Get you to work you whore weed weed for bread for your children is this a time for you to see showes Q. What think you of the wife that said the Taylor her husband was not fit for her A. She had a minde to measure with a yard of her own chusing Q. What said one of a marriage that was made betwixt a widow of a vast fortune and a Gentleman of a great house that had no estate A. That the marriage was like a black pudding one brought blood and the other brought suet and oatmeal Q. What may a porter of the city gates becompared unto A. Cerberus that would not let the wandring ghosts pass without a sop Q. Why should a fair womans neck be awry A. Then it stands as if she lookt for a kiss Q. what is a Mountebank A. He is one that if he can but come by the names of diseases to stuff his Bill with he hath a sufficient stock to set up withall Q. what Officer keeps his Oath most strictly to the City A. A Serjeant for he swears to be a true Varlet to the city and he continues so to his dying day Q. what trick will the Vintners use after walnuts are out of season to keep up their price of sack A. Cunning knaves need no Brokers Q. whether is the water or the earth bigger A. The water is bigger then the earth the air is bigger then the water and the fire bigger then the air Q. How many bones are there in the body of a man A. In the Head 49. in the Breast 67. in the Hands 61. in the Feet 60. the vulgar opinion is that there is in all 284. Q. How may one distinguish of the height of things A. The Sea is higher then the Earth the Air is higher then the Sea the Fire then the Air and the Poles above them Q. why doth a chaste woman love him exceedingly that had her virginity A. Because of her shamefac'tness as also out of an esteem of him to whom she intrusted her credit Q. what
by word of mouth we make our Addresses thus May it please your Honour And write to him thus To the Right Honourable A Marquess formerly was the Governor of a Fronteer Town and inferiour to the Earl of a Province but superiour to the Earl of an Inland Town In speaking we thus address our selves to them May it please your Honour We write to them thus To the Right Honourable A Viscount was formerly the Lievtenant to an Earl so that their Dignity hath continued next to that of an Earl ever since and indeed between a Viscount and a Baron or Lord there is no difference used in making addresses to them We speak to them thus May it please your Honour my Lord. We write thus To the Honourable A Knight is the next Degree of honour being more peoperly a Military Dignity but of late very much confused They bear the Title of Right Worshipful We make our dress thus May it please your Worship We write thus To the Right Worshipful ESquire was formerly but he that bore the Shield and Lance of a Knight before him It is now the next Degree of Honour to the Knight and now so much used by Gentlemen that he who stiles not himself Esquire is hardly a Gentleman He bears the Title of Worshipful And we write to him thus To the Worshipful J. D. Esquire Note here that the same Titles are appliable to the Wives as to the Husbands and though the Daughter of an Earl marry an inferior person yet she doth not lose her Title which is Right Honorable In the writing of familiar Epistles there are sundry varieties which ingenuity will easily apply to his occasion For example at the beginning of a Letter these Expressions do very often offer themselves Honour'd Sir Dear Sir Dear Friend Learned Sir Madam Dear Lady Dearest Joy of my Life My Heart Fairest Delight of my Heart These Subscriptions also are usual To great Persons Your Graces most faithfull and most obedient Servant Your Honors most faithfull and most obedient Servant Your Excellencies most humbly devoted Servant Your Worships most faithful Servant In familiar Letters thus The admirer of your Vertues Madam The Honorer Of your Perfection Madam The Honorer Of your Vertues Madam Adorer Of your Perfection Madam Adorer Of your Vertues Madam Worshipper Of your Perfection Madam Worshipper Of your Vertues Your most affectionate Friend and Servant Your assured Friend Your most obedient Servant Your most obliged Friend and Servant Your eternally engaged Servant Your Creature Your faithful Servant Yours for ever Yours to command eternally Yours while I have life Yours while I have a being Your faithful though contemned Servant For Superscription these Forms may be used To my much respected Friend To my much Honored Friend For my much Valued Friend For my much esteemed Friend Friend For my approved To the truly Noble To the truly Vertuous To the most incomparable Lady To the fair Hands of To the most accomplisht To the mirror of Perfection To the most lovely ornament of Nature There is something more to be observed concerning the Dignity of places For a Knight being made General of an Army obtains the title of Your Excellency though but a Lord Knight or meaner man by birth A Lieutenant-General is Right Honorable A Major-General Right Honorable A Collonel is Honorable and we give him the title of Your Honor. A Captain is Right worshipful From a Son to Father Your most dutiful and obedient Son From a Daughter Your loving and obedient Daughter From a Husband Your most affectionate Husband till death From a Wife Your faithful and loving Wife till death From a Servant Your most obedient and faithful Servant Forms for the concluding of Letters BUt whatsoever happen I shall be no other then c. I shall endeavour with the best of my care and industry whenever you desire the proofs of the obedience of c. If it could be perswaded that my absence gave you any disquiet or that my presence could afford you any service you should soon perceive by my speedy return how much I am c. If I am able to do you service there wants nothing but that you should command me the imployment there being nothing which I more desire than to witness my self continually c. There being no man who hath a firmer resolution to render you all the testimonies of a willing service in the quality of c. Let this for the present satisfie you till I shall meet with some better opportunity to shew how much I am c. The only happiness that I expect is that I may be able to change my words into effects that I might shew you how much I am really c. I shall now free your patience from reading any more give me leave only to make this conclusion that I am and shall be c. For every time I reflect upon your great obligations I am impatient of an opportunity to shew my self I cannot pass away the unquiet of my mind by any other way than by seeking occasions to testifie how much I am c. Be pleased to take this for a real truth from him who hath made an Oath to live and die c. This is the advice and friendly Counsel of c. And I hope there is nothing shall debar me from continuing for the time to come what hitherto I have been c. Neither is there any thing that I would omit whereby I might give you an assurance of fidelity to your Commands as protesting to live and die c. But I desire to testifie to you rather by words than by discourse how much I am c. Sir I beg you to accept this testimony of my gratitude and my earnest desires to be c. I never reckon up the Catalogue of my friends but I presently call to mind how much I am obliged to give you this Subscription c. My gratitude is as necessary as my being and I can sooner not be then not be most truly c. For I never think of your favours but it renews the remembrance of my engagements to be c. Though I have a very great press and urgency of business at present upon me yet shall my occasions never be so violent but that I will have leisure both to be and to tell you that I am c. I shall be contented to be counted ungrateful when I am less c. Sir if you doubt the truth of my service I beseech you to make use of that absolute power which you have acquired over me to oblige my endeavours to all manner of proofs that I am c. He pleased as yet to take my bare word till I can give you further testimonies how much I am c. Though I am debarr'd your sight yet I hope I am not envied the happiness of giving you notice how passionately I am c. I will lose my life rather than my resolution to die c. If