said I we pursue Happiness before we consider where to find it Mistaking its seat assum'd Temple to be in Dignities and Wealth because added Summer they are dazling and continu'd Fountain under their false Glory conceal their Troubles and Vexations Whereas said Chappel in Study we find present content and concluded Brook same hereafter when the Memory of wealth and Honour is forgot LETTER LXXXIX Of Consolation to one that griev'd very much for the Death of his Wife 'T was directed to Mr. Monson in Bloomsbury-Square London Dear Cousin Newcastle Iune 1692. I Receiv'd your melancholy Letter and confess you have had a great loss in losing a good Wife that being so rare a Jewel in this Age You say you have liv'd with her these nine and thirty Years without any falling out she always paying you that deference and respect due to a Husband and that her you love and indulgence due to a Wife but methinks it ought to be a great comfort to you that you possess'd such a Treasure as this so many Years when so many Accidents and Distempers threatens our Lives e'ry moment Unhappy I confess are the Joys of Love if they could he extinguish'd by the Death of either but the Memory of the deceas'd is a Balm for that Sore and keeps her Image still a live Besides you have Children the more lively Pictures of her he fond of them and be not such a devote to grief for what can't be recover'd as to neglect your Duty to your self and your own Off-spring 'T is to no purpose to use many Arguments Grief being the best cure to it self But I would not have you ever forget her that you may still remember your Children she bore you I only desire you to be moderate in your grief who am Your loving Kinsman Jer. Pool For my part said Church I look upon this to be but a piece of Ceremony for I can't think any Man so fond a Husband as to extend his Love beyond the Grave At least added River to that degree as really to want these auxiliary Consolations I have known some said Chappel to my cost that have appear'd as much concerned for their Wifes who have yet marry'd within a Year or two and forgot them so much added Temple as to turn her Children out of door to make room for new Wifes But there is a great deal said Grave owing to the length of time they have liv'd together True assum'd Summer for we are troubl'd at the loss of a domestick Dog we have had any time much more pursu'd Brook at the Death of one we had so long caress'd in our bosom Besides continu'd I it presents us with a near prospect of Mortality Right continu'd Fountain to have death make so near an Approach to us is cause enough of Melancholy But that 's a Melancholy concluded Winter that they soon forget in the Arms of another young Spouse LETTER XC From a Gentleman justifying his much praising his Friends 'T was directed to Mr. Chappel at his Lodgings at Mr. Best 's in Bow-street near Covent-Garden London To me said Chappel starting Well well read it out 't is from some poor dying loving Creature I â—arrant No no said River 't is from some male Friend I assure you have but a little patience and you 'll be satisfy'd in 〈◊〉 Pâ—int My Friend Worcester Iune 1692. YOU send me word that some in your Company were condemning me for magnifying all the Gentlemen of my a quaintance with whom I have the Happiness of any Intimacy I 'll never deny the Accusation I glory in For what Crime can be more pardonable than that of generous kindness for the Men I profess to value But do these Gentlemen that condemn me pretend to know my Friends better than my self But if they do ler ' â—m not envy me my happy Error if they are not so deserving as I declare themâ— yet I 'm happy in thinking them so Let them therefore bestow their ill natur'd Remarks somewhere else for there are enough who think it a point of Iudgment to carp and ridicule their Friends they shall never perswade me that I can love mine too much who am Thy Friend and Servant Wal. Kalesby He 's eternally praising all his intimates said Chappel and 't is enough to be of his acquaintance to be a Man of Honour Wit and Courage and all the dispers'd Merits of Mankind 'T is the effects of a generous Nature replied I and I wish he never have a cause to alter his Mind He says very true said Temple that Ill-nature is plentiful enough in the World in censuring all it keeps company with True pursu'd Winter he 's look'd upon as an Ass that can't find more Faults than Vertues in his absent Friend He errs said Church of the honest tho most dangerous side I rather attribute it return'd River to his Youth than Vertue True assum'd Summer for most young Men that are ignorant of the Town and the general Rogueries of Mankind are guilty of an over confidence in all that profess a kindness for them Till to their cost conâ—â—nu'd Fountain Age better instructs them Age â—ay instruct them answer'd Grave not to be over confident in any Man but can never justifie their abusing particulars without a particular cause which concluded Brook if it be sufficient for abuse is sufficient to break off Friendship for 't is unaccountâ—â—le that we should affect the Conversation of 〈…〉 â—e contemn or hate LETTER XCI From a young Lady to her Gallant to whom she had yielded and who was still constant 'T was directed to Mr. Polly to be left for him at Sander'â— Coffee-house near the Dog Tavern in Drury-Lane London Dear Sylvio THO' my Mother has oblig'd me to go into the Country with her yet I will avoid hated absence by keeping thy dear Image my lovely Boyâ— always in my sight for I can find no Crime 〈◊〉 what we have done to make me afraid to think oâ—t with all the 〈◊〉 of Joy we met with in our first 〈◊〉 we were both young and both 〈◊〉 with equâ—l 〈◊〉 Where was then the fault if 〈◊〉 follow'd the dear instinct of Passion and satisfy each others Longing It had been a Siâ— against Nature and Reason as well as Love to have kept our selves in pain for the meer Niceties the hypocritical World stands upon in Words tho' not in Deeds 't is enough we are cautious in our Joys and keep them to our selves My happiness in thy Constancy my Sylvio convinces me I have done nothing but my Duty which makes me think my self the happiest of all my Sex as long as I can subscribe my self thy Love and Constant Eptaelia Here 's a pretty constant innocent Tit said Chappel one assum'd Bâ—ook that has not lost her Innocence with her Maidenbead What says our morose Grave said Temple to this pretty Rogue â—y ay pursu'd Summer does she come within the Crimes of the Sex if not within their Crimes Yet answer'd
laughter till the Congregation mistake the Church for a Bartlemew Booth and the Parson for a Iack Pudding therefore if thou hast not a mind to be Endited as the beauâ— feu of the Parish return to good Christian drinking a Bottle and a Balmy Harlot take my word â—or't will never make thee loose the way to Heaven for a Man is never on higher Ropes than when elevated with the juice of the Grape and the Embraces of a pretty smooth Darling obedient Wench I always thought thee hadst too much reason to be bubbl'd out of the certain Sweets of this Life for the uncertain airy visionary whims of the next Nature shou'd be the best guide it was once so I am sure according to these devotes and that directs us to pleasure and self preservation I know not why that shou'd be of less Authority with us than with the Patriarchs of old Noah was not condemned for dâ—inking nor Iuda for Whoring nor can I understand that this improvement of our Nature by obligeing us to â—e what we are not made has at all increased the number of the Pious it has only added to the Kindom of Hypocrisie How canst thee with patience hear the Parson declaim with a thundring Voice on a Sunday morning against Drunkenness when he has scarce recovered the Saturday Nights Deboâ—h of half a dozen Bottles for his share or against Usury and Oppression when he has squabl'd with his poor Parishioner the under Ale-Draper of the Village for the Tithe Pigg nay and tenth Egg too Against Whoring and incontinency when he came seeking from his Amorous Spouse or perchance from his Neighbours Wife that hears all he says against Adultery as if it were an Alegory to me there seems no greater Argument of the Imposture of Religion than to see those that teâ—ch it us use God on the Sundays with so familar a Câ—mpellation when they have acted against all his Precepts the whole Week about for if they believed any thing of him certainly they never durst presume to banter him so in the face of a full Assembly the greatest part of which perhaps knows their Life and Conversation Pox you know I hate such a long Letter but I hate moâ—e to loose the acquaiâ—tance of an honest fellow that knows the relish of Vice as well as any Man alive Iâ—ll tell thee one or two things which I hope will engage thy Curiosity to come to Toâ—n there is latelâ— a Prize of French Wine taken which I know where to carry thee to the drinking of and next Mrs. Britain has got a sâ—t of new Faceâ— Plump Beautiful and fresh as a Rose in Iune as soon as the Sun has kiâ—s'd the Dew from it therefore if thou intendest to hâ—ve thy share of either take Post leave thy ill shap'd gravity behind thee and aâ—â—ume thâ— old Jovial Humour and then fly to thy Friend and Humble Servant R. Wilson We all confest there was something glittâ—ring and takeing in this Letter that it was writ with a free air and some Sparkles of a good Genius but said Mr. Grave I am of opinion that Wit consists no more in rediculing the Clergy and laughing at Religion thus Religion does in a starch'd Face a forc'd Gogle at Church a Tone through the Nose and perpetual â—â—â—zing of every Company with the Mysteries of Faith or a Map of the Kindom of the Devil Methinks persued Mr. Winter if he had been a Man of true Reason that had writ it he would not have inclined to the weaker side ev'n according to the stress of his own Argument for all his Letter seems to aim at the establishing the uncertainty of Religious affairs but takes it for granted there is a greater certainty in the course he Follows tho' without Proof therefore for all he has said what he prefers is fully as uncertain as the other and Reason obliges her followers in things equally uncertain to lean to the safer side now 't is agree'd even by them that if this which Religion commands and teaches should be true they â—re in none of the most pleasant conditions if not they can only say ' tâ—s an Error of less fatal consequence and that is the loss of such Pleasures which have generally a pain Repentance and Punishment that attends them An Atheist I mean such as pass for such said Fountain is so far from being a Man of Sense that he is a meer Idiot for either he believes a God or he does not if he do he must be something more than foolish to imagin that God has no Worship and if he have a Worship it may be that which he Ridicules for all that he knows and therefore not to be ridiculed by him without the highest madness in the World for if running against the Mouth of a Cannon when 't is let off merit that Name much more does that of giving fire to the wrath of God which must be pointed against his own Bosom with greater certainty of Death and less probability of Escape than the other But if he believe there is no God he is still more out of his Wits for by what means does he imagine this World he loves and enjoys came to be made If by another Being that must be God if from it self it must be Eternal which is impossible for that which is subject to change will in time decay and that which has Generation must have Corruption If by chance What is this chance Is it a Spirit a body or nothing but an empty Word or Notion If it be a Spirit it must have the Attributes of a Dâ—ity and consequently the Worship If a Body they would do well to shew us the place of its â—bode and its dimensions which 〈◊〉 capable of working such a gâ—â—at Work iâ— nothing out of nothing nothing is made and by nothing nothing can be made but it would be endless to run through all that might be said on this Subject especially since I am convinc'd there is no Man living that does not really believe a Deity Theodorus one of the first that set uâ— for an 〈◊〉 convinc'd us at his death he had only endeavour'd not to believe one and the same may be said of 〈◊〉 others of that Principle they will once betray themselves to have been the most foâ—â—ish of Hypocrites in pretending to be greater Devotes to the Devil than they really were Nay said River he is not a Man of Honour for he turns the Sword that is presented him on the breast of him that gave it and that only for the benefit received we call him a Rascal that speaks ill of his Beneâ—actor behind his Back but he is something more that shall affront him to his face and that without any cause More than that pursued Brook he is a Coward too and the most foolish of Cowards who ' knows he dare not justify his Actions and yet shall when he thinks himself secure abuse the Being he trembles at the thought
of I know not said Summer but I confess I think it more Wit and Reason not to be sawâ—y with Divinity since 't is worse than jesting with edge Tools The Wit indeed pursued Mr. Church is like that of a Lampooner of Kings or the ingenuity of a Clipper and Coiner Pillory and Death are all their Rewards I love not an unprofitable danger nor do I believe in other Matters Courage consists in Picking of Quarrels or being in e'ry â—roil to convince the Town I 'm so great a Coxcomb I care not a fig for my Life tho' I know not the Consequence of my Death that is in plain English that I am an inconsidering thoughtless Animal Nay 't is a greater madness continu'd Mr. Temple for here the best Swords Man will make little advantage of his Art since he fences with an Almighty whose word is death and Life His Fâ—ncing might preserve him said Mr. Chappel in his causeless Rancounters but a Clap of Thunder will drown all his Bullying Oaths and crush him in a moment For my part concluded I I am of opinion if thâ—se sort of Prophanâ—sses are indications of Wit every â—ool may be so at the expence of God Almighty and I think this Letter like the rest of the Discourses of this Nature is beholding to a little pert jingle of Words flashy and positive Assertions with a rambâ—ing kind of Mirth to make the insipidness and sterility of the Reason pass in this Letter he seems to aim at Self Preservation and yet takes the sure Path to destruction in Body Soul and Estate LETTER II. From a surely Misanthrope who speaks ill of all Mankind and of every thing 't was directed thus To Mr. Hawks at Mr. Smith's House near Rye Kent DICK I Writ to thee last Post to get all things in order against my coming down that I might have some ease at home who have met with none here in this damn'd Town which is so thwack'd with Follies that 't is enough to make one out of love with Mankind I can't stir along the Streets but I meet with a hundred things that give me a great deal of disturbance here one recommends this Book to me to read tho' the Sott never read farther then the Title Page praising it upon trust because a Block-head of his own acquaintance is the Author another will needs have me divert my self with that Play tho' he never understood the difference betwixt Ben. Iohnson and Fiecknoe a third to appear a Schollar prefers this System of Phylosophy to my study tho' the Ignorant Booby never read one syllable of â—ogie I meet with one and he pulls his Hat off to me to the ground tho' I never saw â—im but once in a Coffee-house and then he only 〈◊〉 me what it was a Clock another Cries he 's 〈◊〉 humble Servant when I 'm sure the Rogue 〈◊〉 not lend me six pence a third wou'd needs borrow a Guinea of me as if I had been his Friend or he mine One asks me to go to this Tavern and swears there 's incomparable Wine tho' he knows my Palate no more than my Religion another wou'd hawl me to that Farce tho' he knows noâ— whether I have mirth enough to endure a good Comedy a third wou'd drag me into this Bawdy-house tho' one can't lodge out of one in London and vows there 's the prettyest Rogue in the World when she 's a damn'd rotten pockify'd â—hoâ—e with a Tauney face daub'd over thicker with Paint than her skeleton Careâ—â—ss with Flesh with a flat African Nose a Wide Mouth a Piggs Eye and a stinking Breath This old gouty Fellow will needs have me to this Church because such a Doctor holds forth without consulting my Opinion or the preâ—ent state of my Devotion which for all that he knows is not enough to keep me awake till prayer's done and from Sâ—oring in the face and to the Scandal of the whole Congregation Thus I 'm plagu'd if I stir out and at my Lodging I have nothing to do but to Eat Sleep and Read the first I want Stomack to because I want my Country Recreation to divert me and to prepare my Appetite the second the ratling and perpetual hurry of the Town deny me and the third is almost as bad for I 'm oblig'd to read nothing but Latin so that if I were to stay here long I shou'd forget my Mother Tongue in which there is nothing writ now but Farces Mercuries Iournals Observators and Gazets except the Plain dealer and that Play I donâ—t like because Manly's such a Fool to believe any Man his Friend for I trust no man nor believe any one but such as I know will sin against their Interest to lie or betray me I make none my Friends but such as thee who have a dependance on me and who lose their lively-hoods by being Fools and Rascals being thus therefore Fatigu'd abroad and tir'd at home I 'm resolv'd for the Country by the next Week Deliver the inclosed to Mrs. Widall with all the privacy you can Your kind Master J. SMITH The Inclosed Madam I Met your Husband in Town yesterday with whom I drank two Bottles of Wine and made him drunk in his Liquor he was wondrous kind as indeed he is always to me and told me he intended to stay this month here this has made me resolve to hasten my Journy to you that we may all that while enjoy an uninterrupted course of Love and Joys which you can best give and I receive who am Madam your humble Servant I. SMITH I find said Temple tho he be so severe upon the Men he has a Fellow-feeling for the Fair Sex â—y for one of the Country said Winter for you find he abhors a Town-Whore that 's because 't is a simple sin here pursued Chappel and he 's for dealing in Adultery his Neighbours Wife has more Charms in her awkard Garb and her thousand Impertinencâ—es meerly for that cause than a young Well-bred and well dress'd Forâ—icatress here in Town He sets up I find for a hater of the Follies of the World continued Grave like a great many others and discovers himself guilty of the greatest first of ignorance of himself else he might find so much of Fool within not to be so severe on the rest of the World which is fâ—lly as Ridiculous as the Boy in the Fable that laugh'd at the decrepidness of Old Age without considering himself must come to the same if he liv'd to be old 't is but a mark of unaccountable Ill-nature to condemn those Fooleries whose generality gives one reason to imagine that there is something of necessity in them The wisest Men of this World abound with Follies enough he therefore that is learned in himself will have but little reason to laugh at another Besides this Gentleman has the least reason to dislike the rest of the World of any Man because he is so plentifully furnished himself First he ought not to
facimus mittamus Carmina tantum Hic Chorus ante Alios aptus amare sumus In vain the Tyrian Queen resigns her life For the bright Glory of a spotless Wife Here ignorant Ovid uses no threats nor Examples that may intimate that Poets are Lyars a strong Argument that the fair ought to love them he only tells how many have got a name by loving of Poets Nos â—acimus placitae late praeconia formae Nomen habet Nemesis Cynthia nomen â—abet Vesper Eoae novere Lycorida terrae Et multi quae sit nostra Corinna rogant That is in honest Prose we celebrate the fair and spread their fame witness Nemesis Cynthia Lycoris and Corinna Ovid stops not here but â—rges another Argument why the Sex should rather love a Poet than an other Adde quod insidiae sacris à vatibus absunt c. That is Add that the sacred Poets are free from base Designs c. and thence proceeds to prove that they are best qualifyed for Lovers whose desires are not divided like other Mens betwixt Ambition and Covetousness He urges too as a proof of this the Constancy of a Man of Sense or Poet which this Author in one of his Letters condemns Sed facile haeremus Validoque perurimur igne Et nimium certa scimus amare fide That is we are soon wounded with a beauteous Face and our Flames are more violent and lasting than those of other Men and after this he passes to the other forces of Verse but here we have a great many Verses and little to the purpose LETTER V. From a Gentleman of the Vniversity to his Friend in Town to know whether he ought according to the Rules of Honour fight a Man for a certain Affront receiv'd It was directed thus To Mr. River to be left at the Widdows Coffee-house without Temple-Bar deliver with care and speed London HOw to me said River and would have snatch'd away the Letter hold there sweet Sir said Temple putting him by none of us must not be exempt from the Law we have imposed upon the rest of the Nation all that 's here is publick prize and all secrets must out Gad for all that I know I may have two or three here my self so that I oblige you to no other Rule than what I 'll submit to I 'll not be the only exception said River and smil'd to so general a Rule Dear RIVER Chr. Oxon Iune 1692. OUr mutual Friendship makes me trouble thee with the least Accidents of my Life else methinks I shou'd wrong you in robbing you of the share you challenge in all I do or suffer this has made me acquaint you with an Adventure I met with to'ther day at my Uncles where I found a certain Man of the Blade of London with whom falling into dispute about King Charles the First being pretty well vers'd in Rushworth's Collections he presum'd to tell me I was Impertinent I resented the Affront then but the Company appeas'd me and indeed I thought my Uncles House no proper place to quarrel with his Acquaintance in I therefore defer'd it till I met him at Oxford whither I understood he design'd in a few days I desire you therefore who I know are perfectly skill'd in all the points of Honour and in e'ry thing that is the Duty of a Gentleman to send me your Opinion whether I ought to fight him or let it die I know you wou'd not have me engage in a ridiculous Quarrel nor suffer any thing that may injure my Reputation You have the Authority of a Father or what 's more of a Friend over me I therefore desire your immediate Answer who am Your real faithful Friend C. RICHARDSON Had I receiv'd this in private I shou'd have communicated it to you said River for 't is from a pretty ingenuous Youth I value and esteem as he indeed deserves and whom I desire shou'd have as tender a value as he ought for his Reputation without a ridiculous Niceness and as he says I wou'd have him avoid the Extreams of Cowardize and Bullying But I 'll first have your opinions before I write an Answer To me said Temple upon a serious Reflection the whole business seems very ridiculous to put ones self upon an equal nay perhaps a much greater hazard with the man that has injur'd me whereas in reason I ought to punish his Offence with hazard to him alone that was guilty else I only add an Injury to my self to that I have receiv'd from another and in this I think the Spaniard and Italian more rational for a rascally Offence and such is e'ry design'd Affront as much below a man of honour to give as to take ought to be punisht by a Rascal not a Gentleman that pretends to any thing above a Hang man For this Custom and Notion of Honour sets up a private Tribunal of Life and Death in ev'ry man's Bosom who when he 's satisfy'd of anothers Offence as he has been the judge will be the Executioner and that as if fond of Ignominy with the risque of his own Life But how can that said I be the Arbitration of Courage for so is Tilting esteem'd where a Coward that is perfect in his Sword shall ten to one kill the stoutest Hero or an arbitration of the Justice of a Cause where the decision lyes upon the skill of the parties Engag'd and where the Injur'd may fall and the Injurer triumph in a second Offence of a far higher nature than the first and that with the consent of the party wrong'd If your Friend said Winter be not expert at his Weapon a Colledge improving a man in Books not Swords 't is not courage but madness tho' he receiv'd the Affront to venture a Tilt with him whose Trade it has been that being to run upon certain Death without any prospect of Advantage contributing more to his enemies than his own satisfaction In such a case said Chappel I think a man had better imitate a Doctor of Physick of my Acquaintance who meeting one that had a Pique against him on the Back-stairs at White-hall with a great deal of patience let him give him the Lye a Lord that follow'd him ask'd him why he took the Lye No my Lord said he he wou'd indeed have fasten'd it upon me but I wou'd not take it The Doctor said Summer was in the right on 't I think being better skill'd doubtless in Recipes than Ters and Quart for a man in those Circumstances may with as much Honour if Honour be not repugnant to Reason and common Sense refuse the Combate as avoid engaging with half a dozen men at a time the odds in this being greater If I have a right Notion of Honour said Church it consists as much in not offering as not suffering a base Action But drawing upon a naked man is the meanest and basest of Actions and to draw on him that is not skill'd in a Sword which then can be no defence
and are not deluded with a shadow instead of a reality like the Antifeasts of the Romans 't is to your money she Sacrifices the enjoyment of her Person which cannot purchase her real Affection But suppose which I can never graâ—t you were possessed of the Love as well as Person of a Whore how can you imagine to secure them When all her acquaintance is with such whose Interests and Employment it is to alienate her Affections and persuade her to prostitution Fair words are no proof of fidelity and she that protests the most to your Face as soon 〈◊〉 your back is turn'd shall laugh at you in the Arms of another for a credâ—lous Coxcomb 'T is true as you are a slave to her so is she to your Money but what Man of sense would buy that satisfaction at the Price of being known to be a Fool. But perhaps you Fancy you may debauch so secretly that you may avoid the Scandal It must be then in a Cabalistical Way with some Aerial Demon for 't is impossible with a Woman her own vanity and antipathy to Secrecy shall soon divulge your Disgrace Forsake therefore the false Hypocritical Sex which if you give your self to hard Study you will not very much require Poets by the usual Hyperboles of their Art have to an extravagance beyond reality magnifi'd the pleasures of Love you must not therefore read them for they will not extinguish but add Fuel to that fire which finds but too much Matter within us Philosophy both Natural and Moral will afford you more substantial satisfaction which if you stick close to will banish all these Chymera's which now disturb your repose and make you laugh with your Friend at the Fool that next falls into your Jilting Sylvii's Snare I am yours to command THEO PHIL. This Leter said Winter shews us That the cunning Jade had some reason to wheedle her Cully since it inform'd her his Love for her was still alive and strugling in his Bosom and in short only wanted her Letter to gain the field for if we once admit a Parley in such a case 't is only to yield upon the first appearance of Recruits on the enemies side Nay pursu'd Chappel her Letter convinces she 's no Novice in her Trade but understands the Art of Wheedling as well as any of them But cou'd one imagine interrupted Temple this man so well read in the Folly and who can so well advise shou'd not be able to save his own stake So much easier 't is to be wise in the Theory than the Practice I know the man pursu'd Summer and he has the reputation of a Cinic and Woman hater which makes me apt to think this some sham upon him That 's not at all likely returned Grave for how should a Whore forge his Hand so well as to deceive him who doubtless is well acquainted with it without a â—amiliarity with him which still gains the point The World may more easily be deceiv'd than this proof continued Fountain For that Judges by appearances and therefore most commonly erroneously But he added Church that builds his Wit Honesty or Courage on the opinion of the World may really be a Fool Knave or Coward True said Brook for 't is not the opinion of the World that can make that Lady a Whore because she has a free Conversation or that Whore an honest Woman because she borrows the face of one to enjoy the pleasure of Sin without the Infamy Nor can the opinion of the World make this man Rich because he makes a splendid Figure at the expence of his Credit and other mens Purses nor that Usurer poor because all the Cloaths on his back are not worth a Guinny Right pursued I nor can the opinion of the World make this man a Coward because he is not for flinging away his life as often as any of his company wants either sense or manners Nor that Bully a man of Courage because he 'll Damn and Tilt on e'ry word that 's misunderstood The first may be brave in the Field in his Countreys Cause in the visible face of Death and Destruction whilst the other skulks behind a hedge for fear of a Cannon Ball or stays at home to gain the Reputation of a Stout Man upon easier terms since his skill in his weapon affords him a greater security than in the proof of his Body against a Bullet To come a little nearer our purpose concluded Rivâ—r the opinion of the World can't make this man a Philosopher or Lover of Wisdom who has only the Language but not the Life of one or at least I can say this that Philosophers are like Physitians Giants for relief of others but Pigmies in their own distress And so much for the Philosopher And now let 's call a New Cause LETTER XI From one that design'd to supplanâ— his Relation to his Friend and Confident 'T was directed thus To Mr. Jawl at his Chambers iâ— Clifford's-Inn London with care and speed Dear DICK Surry Iune 1692. MY Nephew designs for Town very suddenly he seems to stagger in his resolutions as if he suspected my intentions The writings I hope are ready and drawn as I directed unless he seals part with never a a Farthing get what you can of him that you may be the easier to thy faithful Friend OB. SWEEPSTAKES A short and pithy piece of Villany this said Brook nature and honesty made truckle to Interest without much formality 'T is the sum of the general practice answered Chappel Mony being Health Beauty Courage Vertue and every thing else nothing being a Crime that fills the Purse and nothing a Vertue that empâ—ies it Yet ev'n Villany is alleviated reply'd River by circumstances for to break the Laws of just and right for a trivial matter is unpardonable and discovers a love evâ—n of the guilt but a mighty prospect of advantage might be suppos'd to make us only forget it True pursued Temple we hear Caesar with pleasure rather than anger repeating the Verse of Eâ—ripides which was to this sense If Right may be violated it may for Empire But in all things else be a lover of Vertue For at that time the Roman Empire presented a Noble Motive to his Ambition but to see such contendings for it when torn to pieces by the inundations of Barbarians in the time of Valentinian raises our indignation when we read ' em Right added Church for whatever the Antient might deserve I 'm sure those wretched Remains of the Majesty of Rome cou'd not merit so many Treasons and Murders to purchase them Less still said Fountain does such a trifle as a poor Country Estate deserve Damnation both here and hereafter And this Estate pursued Winter perhaps is not above forty or fifty pound a year which costs so many Bribes Lyes Forgeries and Perjuries 'T is not the Quantity but the Quality said I that allures us we naturally covet what is not our due the Fool is pleas'd to
more regular life Too many of the Clergy said I make a Iest of Religion both in their practice and words There is this to be said for the excuse of this man concluded Grave because his Necessity obliges him to take that method in writing which may please the lewd Humor of his Patron LETTER XXVI From a Citizen to one in the Country who had his Bastard to maintain 'T was directed to Mrs. Gosted at her House near Rumfoâ—d in Essex Dear Mrs. Gosted HAve a little patience I protest as soon as I can get a little Mony without my Wifes knowing it I 'll send it you I have sent you Twenty shillings by the Rumford Coachman I would not have it known for the World I hope the Child is well you need not fear your Mony I 'll omit no opportunity of getting it up and that with all the speed I can Come come 't was a delicious slip of Nature and if Grace be wanting and such a tempting Creature opportune come there is none tho more precise than my self but would do the same Therefore good Mistriss Gosted have a care of my little Bantling it may chance to be my Heir if I outlive my Wife for 't is a finer Boy than any she has had by me Dear Mistriss Gosted I have sent you a dozen of Gloves for a present I am Yours to command Dan. Rab. Here 's a Hen-peckt Slave said Temple has ventur'd upon Adultery Tho he can't purlion added Chappel enough from his Lady-wife to pay for the keeping of his Bastard How epidemic and powerful is Lust said Grave against which no station almost can secure us The Divine steals time pursu'd Winter from the Apocalyps to reveal his frailty to a whore The Lawyer continu'd Church that cheats in his Study is bubbl'd in a Bawdy-house The Philosopher added Fountain retires from the disquisition of the Mineral Kingdoms to find out the way of a young man with a maid Which is a difficult search said River if we believe Solomon The very busie trading Citt assum'd I can find his leisure hours from Oppression for this Peccadillo The Poor said Summer and the Rich fall within the Observation And the Tyrants of their Familys concluded Brook as well as the obedient Husbands of this Spark's Kidney LETTER XXVII From a Lawyer to his Knight of the Post about a Cause he was to swear in with Instructions in the case This Letter was wrote in Characters but the company at last decipher'd it thus 'T was directed to Major Bince to be left for him at the Hand Coffeehouse in White-Fryers Dear Major Wilâ—shire Iune 169â— BE sure you be not out of the way by the first day of the next Term for then the Cause comes on I have told you what you are to swear be sure you remember all the Circumstances and Directions I gave you use your self to assert it in the mean time in company and by their Objections you may find how to strengthen your Evidence on the day of Trial. If you and your Creature do the Work effectually I 'll add â—ten Guineas to what we have agreed for if we baffâ—le the Plaintiff this bout I know his Abilities so well that he can never be able to bring it about again and when I have him at my mercy never fear I 'll secure him from ever attempting it I have sent a Token to you by my man Dick who left Croom a fortnight since so I suppose you have received it Let me 〈◊〉 from you if you want my Advice in any thing of the matter who am your faithful Friend W. H. Here 's a pure piece of Knavery cry'd out Rivers the Law that is ordain'd for the security of our Property is manag'd by the Sons of Belial to the ruin of Hundreds 'T is as dangerous said I to venture to engage with a Lawyer in a Suit of Law as with a Fencing-master in a Duel Death and Rain's the consequence The Fable of the Dog and the Sheep pursu'd Brook is his parallel the Vultures Kites and Wolves all give in evidence against the defenceless Sheep So that our Estates are upon a â—cklish point said Church for if there can be no Law against a Knavish Lawyer they 'l be our own no longer than till they can get a Finger in them True continu'd Fountain he that has the power and the will to do an Injury will easily find an occasion This Spark is perfect in his Trade said Chappel for he has giveâ— him the Receipt of a Lyar to tell his Story so often over that at last he asserts it as if he really believ'd it himself In short said Grave the whole Affair is a Iuggle and he that pretends to get by the Law must be none but a Lawyer for let the Plaintiff and Defendant have never so good a Cause the Counsels run away with the Bone from both Their numeroâ—s Volumes of Interpretation of Statutes and Precedents c. said Temple have only served to confound the whole and make it as doubtful as the true Religion As the old man that consulted three Lawyers on a point in Law found it pursu'd Summer you have earn'd your Fees said he for you have encreased my Ignorance and I am farther to seek now than I was at first But methinks concluded Winter â— Lawyer that is a Knave and prophanes the Sanctuary of the wrong'd deserves Death and Torments without Mercy and is far more injurious to the Common-wâ—alth than a whole Band of Robbers LETTER XXVIâ—I From a Lady in the Country to another in London giving an account of a Dream she had 'T was directed to Madam Lock at her House in Charle's-street Westminster Dear Madam I Was extreamly surpriz'd to hear the News of your Daughters Marriage to Mr. Softstead for the very night before I had this Dream methought I was walking out into the Meadow just above my Cousin Iohnson's House all alone and of a sudden I heard a great deal of Music but cou'd see no body though methought I heard a great many Men and Women After that methought my dead Husband was alive and brought me home a whole Cargo of Diamonds Rubies and precious Stones I was so o're joy'd at the Treasure that I awak'd and your Son arriv'd here and told me his Sister was to be Marry'd that very day but having Company here I could not come but I hope my Dream may presage her Wealth and Content my Dreaâ—s are always omâ—nous Little Betty is very bad of an Ague this Kentish Air does not agree with her and I begin to be weary of the Country and wish for your good Company whom am Your humble Servant Ruth Fall Now can't I for my Life said Summer find what Analogy this Dream has to the Wedding Full as much answer'd Temple as most Dreams have that pass for Omens Right pursu'd Fountain for what likeness has a Tree to Empire yet the Dream of Astyages was so enterpreted to him
'll be most tractable and besâ— form'd into a gentile Habit and Air. Your Friend Brittaign Subscrib'd said Church like a Bawd of Quality As indeâ—d she is pursu'd Temple for it cost her no less in Intelligence of this nature all over the Nation than Four hundred Pounds a Year At her House continu'd River you need never want fresh Faces as long as you have Money nor fresh Lasses neither said Winter at this rate But e'ry good thing when 't is perverted to a Trade said Brook is soon corrupted and so is this for the same Woman shall be sold to twenty Lords Knights and Squires for a Maid Each paying said Summer the price of her Virginity Ev'n so answer'd Fountain Cheats in all Traffic you know Summer Nay to say truth on 't said Chappel this Lady by the assistance of the Indian Women can help a Man to Beauty and Quality nor is any Man's Wife safe said I that is handsome so many shapes do her Agents take to insinuate â—â—to their Companies and delude 'em into Opportunities and as Almahide says opportunity half of our Sex are undone by thee Bawds I think concluded Grave deserve Death more than any Animal beside they are the Corruption of Families and rob a Man not â—nly of his Wives and Daughters Affections but Vertue Honour and Reputation LETTER XXXIV From a City Wife to her Prentice enviting him to Epsom upon his Master's absence 'T was directed to Mr. Young to be left at the Hand and Pen in Billeter-Lane London My dear Boy YOur Master designs next Week for the West and therefore I expect you once a Week at farthest with me you need not let any know whether you go come out of Town on Saturday Evenings so that you may get to Epsom by night I 'll remove my Lodging to the place I was at last Year do not fail and there we 'll enjoy one another without Interruption A. M. Here is a Lady said I that can be lewd without the expence of a Bawd One of the City-strain pursu'd River that had rather embrace her smooth young Prentice than the Old doting Alderman I know not said Grave but the Women will always have some pretencâ— for their Lewdness Right said Winter if her Husband be old he 's impotent and morose If young continu'd Chappel he 's wild and spends all his Stock abroad and so to the end of the Chapter This way of taking up with the Prentice said Fountain is very frugal I confess True pursu'd Brook and very convenient And therefore added Church very common Which is commonly said Summer the ease and ruine of the Prentice And 〈◊〉 concluded Temple they can't resist the Temptation if the Mistress be handsome as thy Story may 〈◊〉 you There was one of these City Wives catcht iâ— this manner by the Husband who civilly repreâ—â—nding the Prentice charg'd him it should be so is more but finding that Admoniâ—ion of little force 〈◊〉 sent for the Parson of the Parish to preach up 〈◊〉 â—einousness of the Offence to him which made 〈◊〉 young Sinner in his own Vindication say his Mistress envited him to do it But you should imiâ—ate Joseph answer'd the Man of God who ran 〈◊〉 his Mistress and left his Garment in her hands 〈◊〉 was the wonder of that replied the Prentice 〈◊〉 from the Embraces of an ugly Gypsie but he 〈◊〉 have been hang'd before he would have left 〈◊〉 pretty a Mistress as mine Which answer conâ—â—â—'d the Parson that 't was in vain to preach Reâ—â—tance to Youth who peâ—veâ—ted ev'n the Scripture 〈◊〉 â—atter its failings LETTER XXXV From a young Heir newly come to a great Estate to one of his Comrades here iâ— Town 'T was directed to Mr. Snow to be left for him at Richard's Coffee House near Temple-Bar Dear Iack MY old Dad has thought good to quit 〈◊〉 world in search of a better tho' 't were 〈◊〉 long while first 'T is a folly to grieve sor't 〈◊〉 an hypocrisie since he was a morose Gentlemâ—â— while he liv'd and kept his Money as if 't were 〈◊〉 to be touch'd but dying left it all to me near Twâ—â—â—ty thousand Pounds Iack the shining Dirt I 〈◊〉 would not keep him alive that lov'd it so well 〈◊〉 Faith I am resolv'd not to be so fond of that 〈…〉 good Wine an honest Fellow and an obedieâ—â— balmy Girl As soon as the ceremonious Formalâ—ties of the Funeral are over and Affairs settled 〈◊〉 a good Posture I 'm for delicious London where intend to wound the Ladies tender in my Glaâ—â— Chariot and carouse and frolic with my Friendâ—â— whilst Youth lasts Old Age or Death I find wiâ—â— overtake us in time 't is therefore good to makâ— sure of the present Joys the Possession of 〈◊〉 Friendship is not the least of them to thy Friend Du. Charleton Here 's one of the Race of Fools said Grave who thinks Happiness consists in drinking and whoâ—ing And so he will think pursu'd Winter till the Pox and Poverty convince him he 's in an as great an Error as his parcimonious Father was in liâ—ing miserable pursu'd I to leave such a Blockâ—â—ad an Estate We are of such an odd Composure said Temple that we can't perswade our selves to observe a Moderation in either Plenty or Want Right â—nd most Men are Phâ—â—gians added Church never wise till it be too late to reap any benefit of their Wisâ—â—â— 'T is the Fate of Misers I think said Summer â—â—ways to have Sons that hate them and spend that 〈◊〉 profuseness in Vice which they got by Oppression 〈◊〉 and Niggardliness And I 'm out in my 〈◊〉 added Fountain if this â—ovial Spark 〈◊〉 live to do penance for his undutifulness to his 〈◊〉 So goes on the Circle of things said 〈◊〉 Sin begets Sin and Sin produces 〈◊〉 And the son of a Knave pursu'd 〈◊〉 is commonly rainâ—d by Fools and Knaves 〈◊〉 shews Iustice in Providence concluded 〈◊〉 to punish the Offence by the means 't was 〈◊〉 LETTER XXXVI From a Father on the Death of his Son to his Friend 'T was directed to Mr. Moore Woollen-Draper at his House in Wattling-street London Mr. Moore Abington 1692. I Write to you upon a more doleful Subject than the last time for poor Ned dy'd yesterday of a Feaver 'T was the best natur'd and most dutiful Child ever unhappy Father lost but I hope I shall not long survive him he was my delight and my safe-guard he manag'd all my Affairs with 〈◊〉 care and faithfulness that he was the Love and Admiration of all that knew him he was temperate and studious never loving Idleness nor any Vice 'T is true he was too good for this wicked World and for me his unhappy Father I had just built him a pretty Appartment against his Wedding-day which as I sent you word would be soon but alas he is wedded to his Grave but my comfort is a happy Eternity will celebrate his Nuptials Dear Sir send me Fourscore Yards of
few Years public Peace or Success to any Nation We find that the Roman Empire which was of such strength as to subdue the greatest and most formidable Empires of the Earth is now no more but an empty Name less than the Ghost of the departed Power In the time of Galienus when it seem'd to feel the greatest Convulsions Sapores King of â—ersia having taken the Emperor Valerianus Prisoner Bellosuâ— who stil'd himself King of Kings writing to Sapores upon his Victory says that if he thought the Roman Empire could be overcome he should reioice in his Success firmly believing it should be eternal as the rest of this Letter testifies but we have lived to see it no more thought of as a Terror but a Prey to all Nations so fading is the Glory of the World I tell thee Friend thou art a stranger to thought thou couldst not laugh else whilst Death was besieging thy brittle Careass on every side with the irresistible Artillery of a thousand Accidents Oh leave that lewd thoughtless Town and come and join Sorrows with thy Friend figh out the remainder of thy days for the many trifling Merriments thou hast lost thy self in Believe me this is not only a Duty but a Pleasure Sorrow is natural to a Man he has a taste of it when he first springs from his Mother's Womb and is therefore more agrâ—eeble to his Constitution the Soul seems to be at ease when 't is cloth'd in its Native 〈◊〉 of Tears and Sadness and is not weary as 't is when it has been entertain'd with Mirth and Laughter How can you be so much pleas'd in the Tempest of the World where Sickness Poverty Disgrace and Death toss thy little Bark with such impetuous Fury 't is ten to one if one or all of 'em do not prevail retire therefore to me and to this sad Contemplation sorrow 's our Portion and our Satisfaction I wish thee therefore not like the Friends of this World Joy but multiplicity of Sorrow who am thy real Friend Dâ— Holton Here 's a dismal Letter indeed said Chappel enough to make a Man fall asleep to read it He would have us pursu'd Temple all like the Son of the Emperor Philip that succeeded Gordianus who was never seen to smile He 's one of our moderâ— Cinics added Brook who thinks Wisdom and Devotion lies in Ill-nature and Pale-faces 'T is true said Summer 't is visible that all Humane things are subject to change but for that reason must I vex and cry to no purpose But added River he obliges us to a Certainty and Constancy of sorrow whilst every thing else is upon the swift Whirle of Fate and alters every moment Right pursu'd Fountain the Vicissitude of Things methinks should rather perswade us to a vicissitude of Temper and to mix seriousness and mirth in our Lives According to the Advice of Solomon said Church and the Practice of the Italians He is like the rest of the World spight of his Philosophy pursu'd Winter so unreasonable as to censure all that are not of his mind which proceeds added Grave from the defect of his Constitution and Complexion True concluded I because that enclines him to Melancholy he would have Nature inverted that all Contraries might meet in his Humour LETTER LI. From a poor Gentleman to his rich old Friend that is sick Directed to Mr. Loid at his House in Graves-End in Kent Honour'd Sir London Iune 1662. WE have once been very intimate Friends till Fortune was pleas'd to divide us you she mounted up to the topmost spoke of her revolving Wheel and Death I find has a mind to saveâ— you from falling from it me she cast down to the bottom and no wonder therefore that we could not hear and converse with one another at such a distance But now Death is going to lay you a degree lower than Fortune has me I hope since you can no longer use the benefits of Fortune you 'll part with a small pittance to him you once profess'd to Love I shall value that more than your Heir shall all you 'll leave him Therefore since Wealth cannot be convey'd to the next Life but by Bills of Exchange 't is best to take the surest way and send by God I mean his Friends the Poor and not by the Devil leaving more to them who have too much already This Advice will be profitable to both of us to you hereafter and to me at present who am Your Friend and Servant C. G. The Maxim of Periander said I to thy Friends be the same in Prosperity and Adversity is of very little force in our days whatever it was then It had then answer'd Grave the fate of all good Precepts a great many Admirers but few Observors True pursu'd Winter the Example of Timâ—â— may prove that Nay I was always of Opinion said Church that it was only a vulgar Error that Vices were more numerous now than in days of old The loâ—â—er Writers of those Ages assum'd River as Catullus Petronius Arbiter c. Evince the truth of that nay that if there be any difference pursu'd Fountain the advantage is on our side Our Writer of this Letter said Temple would have found Fortune could 〈◊〉 divided him from his Friend in the days of the Philosophers and Prophets as well as now He deserves relief the replied Chappel from him since he was so civil as never to ask it of him till he found his Friend could have no farther use of it himself but it is ten to one answer'd Brook whether 〈◊〉 gains it or no. True concluded Summer for they that misuse their Wealth in their Lives seldom menâ— their Management at their Death custom having perswaded them of the Wisdom Iustice and Generosity of their Actions tho contrary to all thâ—es LETTER LII From a young Lady who resolved ever to continue a Maid with her Reasons for it Directed to Mrs. Dorothy Wood at Mr. Tompsons near Holbourn bars London Dear Madam Cheshire Iune 1692. YOU send me word that you now begin to think of Marriage leâ—t you should be look'd on as an old Maid that is the Reason I 'll never marry because I would be one of those few wiâ—e 〈◊〉 that merit that Name who have never been polluted with the Embraces of Mankind I sean the 〈◊〉 of Virgins will not be very numerous in the next World any more than in this Chastity is so rare a Giâ—t among us that we think it a greater Scandal than Prostitution and the Daughter of Iephtha deplor'd not that state more heartily than the Women of this Age would in the same Circumstances I love the Vertue that is not common and would be one of the Heroines of my Sex which I can never be in the vulgar way of Wife my Temper is too impatient of controul and I had rather be a slave to my own will than to that of another Besides I have a fancy that there is a real Preference of a
Madam how happy are we in so pure and undefil'd a Love by which Souls mingle e'ery minute in the highest extafie of Union without the impeding help if I may use that seeming contradiction of our Bodies Immortal must our Flame be since the immortal part of us is only interested in it The cause of Inconstancy in Common Love is the Body which being of so changeable a nature 't is impossible it should retain any thing long which has the least dependance upon it But the Soul that is still the same must still persevere in the affection it has once made choice of Wonder not at the Expression Madam for our Loves are the effects of Choice not Fancy Virtue and Wit engage us but Beauty and Vice them both frail and fading as the Joys they bring But ours Madam is the Love of Angels sacred Sympathy unites our Souls and mutual Virtues cement our holy Vows not only till Death but even to the next Life of Glory for it being a Native of Heav'n it cannot lose its Being by returning thither but rather improve it to a greater degree than it could attain here oppos'd by the cloggs of gross material bodies for like Fruits transplanted from a warm to a colder Climate 't is less perfect here tho it still retain its form tast and other Excellencies of its Heav'â—â—â— Nature tho not in so exalted a degree Uninterrupted Joy is the Product of our Passion if it merit so gross a Name without any mixture of Paâ—n 't is like the Vestal Fire burning without material Fuel whereas the other dyes and is soon extinguish'd if depriv'd of its Fuel Beauty and the auxiliary Bellows of Strifes and petty Squabbles so small and so unhappy is their Pleasure that they can't arrive at or relish it unless they first and often tast of Pain Satiety attends their Success and Quarrels serve for Exercise to gain them a fresh Appetite 'T would be endless to run through all the Advantages we have above them and impertinent to you who are so sensible of them Nor need I caution you how to preserve the Empire you have obtain'd over your Body since you know the Body is a true Coward where it has the mastery being a Tyrant but where 't is overpower'd easily kept in servâ—le awe I shall therefore only now subscribe my self Madam Your Admirer and zealous Lover A. James My Life on 't said Chappel this is some antiquated Batchelor whose Sins of his Youth have made him abominate Matrimony Or rather interrupted Brook disabled him from Matrimonial Performances and therefore prudently pursu'd Temple hides his bodily defect under the Mask of Platonic Love And she some super animated Matron said River that has been neglected in a carnal way even by her own Coachman Right assum'd Grave a Woman never forgets the Flesh till her Skin 's turn'd into Buckram by Age. Nor then neither added Winter if she can â—ake it subtile and smooth to some younger Brother by her Fortune This Lady therefore said Summer must be poor as well as old she would never else take up with empty Alms of Passion meer words 'T is well said I she can make a Virtue of Necessity and fly to the Spirit when she can't make use of the Flesh. Platonic Love said Church if we may judge by the Founder's words is not without its secret Heautâ—â—ust of the Flesh I 'm sure Plato seems to relish the Kiss of Agatho with all the fire of the most amorous Debauchee Right concluded Fountain 't is only a demure Bawd to secret whoring they being the greatest Friends to the Flesh in a Corner who espouse the Spirit so much in the face of the World LETTER LXIV From one beyond Sea expressing his desire of returning to his own native Country 'T was directed to Mr. Gregory at his House in Charles-street Westminster London Honour'd Master Hague June 1692. THE Obligations I have to you engage me to return my Thanks as often as I may without being too chargeable or too troublesome to you I am asham'd to let you know on how ill-deserviâ—â— a Subject you have plac'd all your Favours for must confess I had rather be confin'd to my natiâ—â— low condition in my own Country than have thâ— Place of Preferment you were so generously pleaâ—â— to obtain for me The Splendor of the Court wheâ— 't is here nor the Civilities of the Natives or mâ— own Countrymen nay scarce the Advantages â— Interest can make amends for the loss of old Eâ—gland the hopes of seeing which after the Camâ—â—pagn is over keeps me alive With my Respectâ— and Duty to my Mistriss and your self I subscribâ— my self SIR Your ever oblig'd humble and faithful Servant John Robinson Here 's one said Grave eaten up with the Epidemic Distemper of Mankind The doting addeâ— Brook on ones own Country Which is better reply'd Temple in my mind than that Contempt 〈◊〉 men shew for the place of their birth The love of one native Country pursu'd Riverâ— has such a swâ—â— ascendant over us that it will not let us forget it 〈◊〉 the greatest plenty nor in the remotest parts of the World True continu'd Fountain and we measure the fulness of our Happiness by the distance or nearâ—ness it sets us in from thence The Pleasures an Grandeur of old Rome were scarce Bribes enough saiâ—â— Church to win the Captives from a desire of theâ— own barren Country There 's no greater Proof of thiâ— added Summer than the Inhabitants of some of thâ— most Northern parts of Norway where one would woâ—◠〈◊〉 any of human race should endure to live the insoâ—â—nce of the winds being there so great that it blows way the tops of Houses and Trees up by the Roots at the People chuse rather to live there in Caves like â—easts than to seek some more Hospitable abode Espeâ—â—ally said Chappel since the World is so wide and â— much of the finest Country in the World uninhabited â— some parts of America But pursu'd I this is â—ot so terrible as to live near the Mountains Vesaâ—ius or Aetna the very reading of the account Pliny 〈◊〉 younger gives of the fiery Inundation in his twenâ—â—eth Letter of his sixth Book to Cornelius Tacitus â—ould make a man have a care of coming within some â—agues of it But this â—ondness of the Country we are â—orn in concluded Winter seems to me a piece of â—igottry since it goes so far beyond what Reasin reâ—uires and since the whole World is the Country of a â—ise man LETTER LXV From a Coward to his intimate Friend to assist him to gain the Reputation of a man of Courage by parting him in a Duel be must be engag'd in 'T was directed to Mr. at Mr. Herd's near Tunbridge-wells in Kent With care and Speed Dear NED London June 1692. THE confidence I put in you when you read this Letter which is to desire your immediate return to London for I happen'd to be in company last night
did not deserve to be blamed yet his constancy in abiding insensible would merit great applause while he is afflicted in so many parts Nevertheless this Truth is necessarlly made out in him who from his Birth has been design'd the Trophy of so cruel a Destiny or else from his first entrance into the Net discovers the Penalty ordain'd of an impossibility that the Fault of his Inadverâ—â—ncy should escape He that withdraws from this Court gives us occasion to believe some fault committed the fear of which quite crushes him or a diffidence in some great Parsonage by whom he does not think his Services sufficiently rewarded conceiâ—s the one abhorr'd by a noble and generous Soul the other prejudicial by reason of the Rigor of him who will not have his fraudulent dealings condemn'd This is the Chain with which the wisest men being fettered make the practise of Living contradict the Theory of Instruction So that they remain hanging by the Threads of hopes in such a condition till those Threads are twisted at length by the various turns of Chance into a Rope with which being strangled at last they perish miserably Such an end of my Service do I also expect despairing of a better Destiny since many years of care and â—arking in this French Court have acquired me no more than the opportunity of admonishing others to beware of those Mischiefs which I my self could not avoid May Heaven deliver all men from such a condition which the Pains and Torments that attend it render such as only could be outdone by the exchange of a perpetual Hell Compassionate my condition dear Friend and forgive the tediousness of these my over-long Complaints of this my last Misfortune but greater perhaps than the rest which is proper to Courts not to have any person in whom a man may entrust the Secrets of his Breast nor with whom to exhale the Grief that gnaws his Bowels when it cannot be sent to be exposed by the Tongue Be mindful of our Friendship though you are not in a condition to tast the fruits of it while I am so miserable to be an Enemy to my self This is Music for us quoth Chappel according to which every one may make his own descant upon the Book of his Life 'T will be a Cromatic piece replied I composed of mournful Notes such as are us'd for Elegies and Funerals I think quoth River the Similitude of Music so proper to express our Condition that we cannot make use of a better comparison for as Music makes a man wast his Breath to please others so Courtiers consume and wast their Lives and Spirits to please the Grandees that are their Superiors Add to this replied Chappel the necessary imitation of Music in rising Note by Note for as a man is forc'd to feign with his Voice when he comes to the shrill Treble so Fawning and Dissimulation are the highest strains with which a Courtier can advance his Fortunes But you must have a care of leaving out the Flatts and Sharps quoth River which make but bad Music in a Prince's Ears You â—ay as well quoth Grave leave out the Ascents of Fourths Fifths and Sixths seeing many men are advanc'd in France without Merit or any observance of Order meerly according to the pleasure of the reigning Prince who is often aptest to favour the least deserving More remarkable quoth Chappel are the descents of the Octave that with a deep resoundiâ—g tone may seem to resemble the Terrors of the miserable thrown headlong of a sudden from a tow'ring Sublimity without any fault by them committed All 〈◊〉 well quoth River with the comparison hitherto since there are no Rests nor sighing Pauses wanting in this Music to him that sings within Book and â—â—eps bâ—fore his Eyes the eviâ— Entreatments of the French Grandees and those common Miseries that take up a spacious Field in the Courts of the French King LETTER CVII Giving an account of an amorous Intrigue at Luca. 'T was directed to Mr. Filsted at his House in Drury-lane SIR Luca June 1692. I Have chang'd my station but not my condition of Servitude which remains constant in the desire I have to obey your Commands I fell in love at Luca where I resided for some time as you well know with a married Woman who corresponded with my Amours and gratified the Applications of my Affection with the Reward of Enjoyment Her Husband was a poor-spirited Fellow which gave us the more leisure to make him a Cuckold One day he observ'd his Wife walking at her Country House in my Cloaths which sometimes in a fantastic humor she would put on he conjectur'd that I had let her know where I laid my Cloaths and that I had given admission to the person that wore my Habit and thence he began to conceive in his mind the Spoils that I had won by triumphing over his Honour Horn-mad therefore to be thought what he could not be denied to be he departed for Rome though with a Câ—uâ—tenance not yet free from those Blushes due to so much Infamy nor yet having the Courage to race out his Infamy with his Sword This gave me the liberty to pursue my Pleasures with a full career and like a River in its Channel I met with no Banks that oppos'd my rapid course into the deep Ocean of my Delights But Fortune betray'd me in the sight of my Felicities while a Brother of my Mistriss began to take upon him to uphold the Reputation of his Family However being a Native of the same Country with the Husband he had not a Resolution sufficient for an honourable Revenge He accused me therefore to the Secretaries with a Protestation never to forsake his own Interests and therefore desired 'em to take some course to repair his Brothers Honour for fear he should be necessitated to commit some extravagant Act. To please him therefore I had orders to unkennel and depart Luca. Upon which I went to the Ladies Country House where in pursuance of my public chastisement I many times made choice of a voluntary Death but as frequently rose again according to the custom of Lovers and confin'd my self a Prisoner to her Bosom that I might the more patiently pay my subjection to the cruel Sentence And now I enjoy my self in this place where the Honour of your Injunctions is the greatest Felicity I can wish my self The Lucchesi Gentlemen said Chappel are prudent and couragious but their Prudence makes them take the safest way to facilitate their Revenge An Accident of the same nature quoth River happen'd to my self while I enjoy'd a Widow that was my Neighbour once at Luca at what time the Catchpoles of the City were sent by her Parents to remove me out of the City but I forc'd 'em to keep a looff off and made Horns at 'em with my Fingers Alas a-day replied I such a place as that has but few Heads and consequently few Hearts and therefore for their own preservation it
me approach'd at what time the â—ady being become the Prey of Sheep the good Man came down without his Doublet but laden with Arms to counterpoize the Weight of his Fear He obey'd my Orders by repairing to the place appointed with a promise not to budge till I came to relieve him No sooner was he gone to his â—'ost buâ— away went I with a dark Lanthorn in my hand enter'd the Chamber and so pass'd into the Bed where his Lady was and robb'd him of all that could enrich me with content not caring whither Fidelity were injur'd or Frieâ—dship violated In the height of Enjoyments transported beyond my self I let slip an Ay me an expressive Note of extraordinary pleasure that discover'd my Thievery The Lady was soon sensible of the difference of my Voice which I conceal'd before either by my silence or falsifying the Tone of it in short Accents Which now being let loose to their natural Tone discover'd that I was not her Husband at first she began to cry out as if she had been betray'd making a heavy Stir according to the Custom of her Sex not able to satisfy their Anger or Revenge by force I leapt out of the Bed and putting my self full in the Light I offer'd my Life to attone her fury I held the Lanthorn in one hand and my Dagger in the other with the point turn'd upon my breast showing my resolution to strike if she refus'd me her Compassion For certain said I this Dagger shall pierce my Heart if my Death will be a greater satisfaction to ye than my Love Then Lady make use of your Prudence and make it noâ— your glory to publish your Failings in your Revenge of my Affection The House is full of my own Souldiers from whose fury you must expect the Slaughter of all that oppose my escape which I value not however as being content to fall a Victim to your Divinity if you think your self injur'd by him that adores you So saying I made as if I would give my self the fatal Stab when she stretching forth her hand Hold said she dear Friend since it behoves me not to carry it to height of Cruelty the Dissimulation of that Anger which we Women pretend against those that enjoy us by steaâ—â—h The Lady by means of these so kind and winning Tendernesses being become more dear to me then before I embrac'd her with an excess of Kindness and to satisfie her Curiosity I related to her the whole manner of my contrivance and gave her an accompt of the Stratagem that I had practic'd at my Country-house Our further Discourses were interrupted by a Noise occasion'd by the Motion of armed Men. For that certain Persons coming to the little Door in the Garden suppos'd to be Thieves put the Guard in an uproar And this gave credit to all my Fictims while the Husband thought them to have been the Thieves that were come to rob him of his Perian Wealth And I forsook my Beatitude to hasten to his assistance of which there was no need for that the Thieves being frighted at the noise of People stirring ran away of themselves Thus ended the Comedy with this Advantage for me that being become the Good Man's Confident my Conversation was free from all suspicion On the other side the prudent Wife found out a thousand Excuses for opportunities to make me happy in her Company This was the Issue of my Amours of which I willing to give your Worship an Account to gratifie that common Itch of Lovers who are never so well pleas'd with their Thieveries as when they are publickly known Ascribe to my Passion the Tediousness of the Letter and in exchange of Kindness honour me with a proportionable share of your Commands which you will find obey'd with all imaginable Compliance Behold said Fountain the end of Friendship in our Age wherein our most familiar Acquaintance are they alone that chiefly betray our Reputation I oâ—serve said Chappel that the Heart is the Symbol of true Friendship in regard those Creatures mutually assist each other in their swimming over the River whereby is express'd the necessary Condition of true Friends which obligâ—s 'em to reciprocal Assistance of each other in the greatest Dangers But as Coâ—ly well observes There 's fewer Friends on Earth than Kings and so saâ—ing he read the following Letter LETTER CXXIV Upon the Custom of paying Harlots 'T was directed to Mr. Ralf Banford at his House in Uxbridge With Care and Speed Honour'd Sir I Cannot but enlarge upon a Custom which is chiefly observ'd among the great Men of this World This is the Custom I know not by whom Introduc'd of paying Harlots so much to the prejudice of Man and the Superiority of the Masculine Sex constrain'd to pay for that which Woman as his Inferior is oblig'd to give him freely as a Debt due to his Contentments For to what end was Woman made if not to be subservient to our Pleasures Shall he then suffer a Monster to live in the World under his own shape that shall render Manhood contemptible and his chiefest Glories despicable by acting contrary to Reason and Judgment Shall he endure the Insolencies of his Slave to the forming of whom while he gave a Rib he bound her with a Chain of Bondage as being bought with his own Flesh Shall he bend under so great a Misfortune as to have enliven'd Inâ—elicity a living Tyranny and Hell in Epitom all combin'd together in a walking Frame And when he thinks to enjoy those Pleasures in the use of her for which alone she was born must he be forc'd to pay through the Nose for ' em Must a Man be forc'd to humble himself with a paltry Servâ—lâ—ty even to Adoration to be subject to Multâ—plicity of Cares to weary his Mind in the Government of his Passions and turmoil his Body with amorous Fatigues and instead of a Reward for all this shall he forc'd to purchase his Refreshments Good God! how blind is this World and how bewitch'd are unhappy Mortals who are faiâ— to buy their own Misâ—ries and the worst of Curses which they incur in common by conversing with Harlots wasting the choicest of their Substance and consuming their Wealth This was certainly an Aâ—â—ifice of the Devil the deadly Enemy of the Contentments of our Sex among which those of our Lasciviousness being the most desirable he would embitter 'em with the Expence of that which is to us more necessary and grateful Can Men in reason envy the Condition of Brutes and desire that Authority which advances the Masculine Sex above the Female in every individual Creature that whenever his Appetite excites him has the Gratification of it without bargaining to pay for his Pleasures A poor Lover shall be worst us'd than a Dog and if he have no Money shall be depriv'd of those Pleasures that are not refus'd to a Beast Acâ—uâ—sâ—d Custom in Conformity to which the amorous Dance is regulated and govern'd by the