heart so that the wrath of the Lord might not come upon mee O that I could pray with Hezekiah weepe with Hezekiah that the Lord might say unto mee as hee did unto him Is 38.5 I have heard thy prayer I have seene thy teares That curse which David prophetically layed upon the wicked in his time Ps 58.7 mee think's doeth seeme at the first severe but yet it is just Let them melt away as waters which runne continually vers 8. as a snaile which melteth let every one of them passe away like the untimely sruit of a woman that they may not see the Sunne The snaile consumeth wheresoëver it crawleth and yet the providence of God is such that the consuming snaile is often found a remedie for the Consumption Thus what is good for my disease is troubled with the same and that which some have found to be a remedie is to mee a certaine remembrancer of my miserie ô that every thing might put mee in mind as well of the cause of this my disease Lord how my flesh doeth quiver though but litle is left of it How my heart doeth tremble as if noe comfort were left mee I have sinned I have done very wickedly But doeth the cure of my sicknesse as much exceede the power of my God as the skill of my Phisitian Noe noe hee may if hee please restore mee to health againe and hee may when hee pleaseth commit mee to the wormes All is in his hand ô what shall I doe to purchase his favour What shall I doe to have him reconciled Faine I would weepe for my sinnes but I know not how Faine I would shed some penitent teares but hardly will nature afford mee moisture enough But I resolve howsoever that noe excuse shall save a teare or a throb since without these I cannot hope for excuse and pardon Alas my sinnes lye heavie at the doore Gen 4.7 but I will rowle them away with the force of a water course I will grieve for my offending so mercifull a God I will lament for the offences which I have committed against him that visiteth mee I have but a litle time to continue upon earth unlesse it shall please him to restore mee to health Earth I am I must confesse it but I would not be drie I would not be dust untill I am layed to sleepe in the dust Io 9.6 Hee who made clay with his spitle to cure the blind can open mine eyes with the blessing of a teare Mee think's I am like unto the corne that is ground in a mill for so am I torne so am I crumbled worne into meale But since I am so I will make dough of this meale I will leaven it with my sorrowes I will adde unto it the water of my teares I will kneade it by contrition and bake it with the heate of that zeale which I will preserve in my heart and then will I pray that it may be a present accepted by my God Thus will I weepe in my languishing sicknesse thus will I lament for the cause of my sicknesse but I will weepe in faith and I will lament in hope that my Iesus will say unto mee as hee did to the woman that touched his garment Mat 9.22 Daughter be of good comfort thy faith hath made thee whole thy sinnes are forgiven thee part 3 The Third part of the Soliloquie setting forth the Patient's hope of recoverie THe hower of death seemeth neere approaching and putteth mee in remembrance of my last account The weakenesse of my body telleth mee now that the time is comeing wherein I must appeare at the greate tribunall Mee think 's these leane and languishing joynts doe seeme to wonder at mee for so long entertaining the fleeting ayre and doe groane under the burden of this sharpe disease Lord I cannot hope to continue here long since the litle house of my body is so tottering and shaking And yet mee thinks I have not sufficiently compleated the worke of my repentance and cannot therfore account my selfe ready to meete my God I repent indeede of whatsoever formerly I have done amisse and yet I cannot choose but doe amisse againe even as soone as I have repented I tremble when I thinke upon the punishment due to offenders and yet I tremble not when I commit when I act mine offences Readie I am not to dye too desirous I would not be to live and yet dye I must and yet live I may Lord if thou prolongest my life renew mine obedience I would be contented to live but then I would live without sinne I could yeeld to continue a while that I might perfect my repentance but then I am sure I should adde to the number of those sinnes whereof I repent I will resolve therfore neither to hasten my death nor yet too eagerly will I desire life I must needes confesse that I am willing enough to live Lord graunt that if I doe live I may live to thy glory and if I doe recover my health I may expresse my thanks in a religious life Thus I pray with my lipp but doe I pray so with my heart I am apt to promise unto God more then I feare I shall be able to performe and all these promises are made in hope that I may recover my strength Yea and it may please him who is the Physitian both of the soule and body to restore my body to health and strength I know that it is in his power hee may doe it if hee pleaseth Mat 19 26. With men indeede this seemeth impossible but with God all things are possible If I live I will spend my time in his service and upon these conditions I may hope to live Yea and so I will hope why should I not Hee in whom alone I doe hope hath power to graunt the thing that I hope for yea and to give a blessing thereto if hee full-filleth my hopes By him even dead bodies have beene restored to life it is not hard therfore for him to restore a living body to health When Tabitha was dead Act 9.37 vers 39 and washed and layd out Peter went into the upper chamber where all the widowes stood by him weeping and shewing the coates and garments which Dorcâ—s had made whilest yet shee was with them vers 40 Then the Apostle put them all forth and kneeled downe and prayed and turning him to the body hee sayd Tabitha arise and shee opened her eyes when shee saw Peter shee sate up Here was a wonder wrought by a man farre greater then the recoverie of my health would prove but this man receaved his power from God Mat. 9.8 Well might the people marveile when they saw such things and glorifie God who had given such power unto men But Saint Peter is dead and in these latter times those miracles are ceased of restoring the dead What then I am yet alive and my cure is not difficult to
healeth Ex 15.26 Psl 6.2 Have mercy therfore upon mee ô Lord for I am weake ô Lord heale mee for my bones are vexed Ps 41.3 Ier 17.14 Strengthen mee now upon my bed of languishing make thou all my bed in my sicknesse Heale mee o Lord and I shall be healed save mee and I shall be saved for thou art my praise c 30.12 O let not my bruise be incurable though my wound be grievous Let mee have one to pleade my cause vers 13 even that Holy One thine onely begotten Sonne that hee may bind mee up and give mee healing medicines Thou art hee who didst promise Iacob to correct him in measure vers 11 though not to leave him altogether unpunished Thou rebukest mee for my sinne Ps 39.11 and makest my beauty to consume away like as it were a moath fretting a garment These Markes in my flesh doe cause a trembling even in my spirit Rev 13.17 Ps 86.16 Lord graunt that upon my soule be not found the marke of the beast but the marke of thy sonne that hee may owne mee for his O turne thou unto mee and have mercy upon mee give thy strength unto thy servant and save thy distressed hand-mayd Shew now some good token for good vers 17 that it may appeare unto the world that thou Lord doest helpe mee and comfort mee But if in thy secret purpose thou hast decreed at this time to gather mee unto my fathers make mee with joy comfort to render mine account unto thee the Lord of heaven earth Looke not upon the sinnes and offences of my misse-led life but rather looke upon my Redeemer's death Is 53.5 who was wounded for my transgressions bruised for mine iniquites the chastisement of my peace was layed upon him by his stripes therfore let mee be healed In the midst of the streete of thy throne ô God Reu 22.2 of either side of the river of life there is a tree of life bearing twelve manner of fruits and the leaves of the tree are for the healing of the nations O my God let mee but come to tast of those fruits let mee but be shaded under the leaves of that tree of life Ps 41.4 Ps 103 1. Be mercifull unto mee heale my soule for I have sinned against thee Then shall my soule blesse thee O my Lord and all that is within mee shall praise thy holy name who forgivest all mine iniquities vers 3. and canst heale my diseases Into thine hands I commend my spirit Ps 31.5 for thou hast redeemed mee ô Lord thou God of trueth The Spirit and the bride say Come Reu 22.17 therfore let mee who now heare it say Come Let mee heare thy voyce ô God Gen 3.8 in the coole of the day not in the heate of thy displeasure And thou ô my Iesus who for such sinners wert made a sacrifice on the altar of the crosse how downe thine eare as thou didst upon the tree and heare and fullfill the desires of thy wounded supplicant Come ô Iesus and embrace mee in thine armes hide mee in thy wounded side from the wrath of thy father In thee alone doe I trust to thee alone doe I flee succour mee helpe mee save mee O Christ The world I leave to thee I come At the doore of thy mercy doe I knock I call I cry Lord protect mee Iesus comfort mee Strengthen my faith and confirme my hope As my earthly body draweth neerer to the earth so doe thou draw my soule up neerer unto thee who art the father of spirits Heb 12 9. O God make speede to save mee O Lord make hast to helpe mee Finish soone these dayes of sinne and then let mee enter into thy celestiall paradice and that for his sake in whom alone thou art well pleased even Iesus Christ my onely Mediatour and Redeemer Amen subject 16 THE SIXTEENTH SUBjECT Teares of a Mother for the sicknesse of her child The Soliloquie THE EjACULATION Psal 5. vers 1. Give eare to my words ô Lord consider my meditation vers 2. Hearken unto the voyce of my cry my king and my God for unto thee will I pray IT shall come to passe saith Moses to the house of Israel if thou wilt not hearken to the voyce of the Lord thy God Deut 28.15 to observe to doe all his commandements and his statutes which I command thee this day that all these curses shall come upon thee and overtake thee vers 16 Cursed shalt thou be in the citty and cursed shalt thou be in the field Cursed shall be thy basket and thy store vers 17 yea Cursed shall be the fruit of thy body c. vers 18 What all these curses from heaven for the sins of poore distressed mortalls O what a multitude of evills doe our sinnes deserve What punishment doeth not iniquitie cry for It cryeth for the curse of the citty the decay of trading the curse of the field whole rivers of blood in furious battailes the curse of the basket and the store the dearth of provisions Yet all these are but outward punishments and reflect onely upon the baser the worse part of our selves the body but Cursed shall be the fruit of the body oh this biteth like a Serpent stingeth like a Cockatrice Prov 23.32 The fruit of my body Is afflicted with sicknesse but is the sinne of the parent the cause of his affliction Yes yes my conscience acknowledgeth the guilt let my tongue be as ready to confesse it and my heart to repent of it But how standeth this with the justice of the Creatour Gen 18.25 Shall not the judg of all the earth doe right The Prophet Ezekiel telleth mee from God that The sonne shall not beare the iniquity of the father Eze 18 20. Mich 7 6. Ier 9.20 neither shall the father beare the iniquity of the sonne but the soule that sinneth it shall dye Else the daughter might rise up against her mother as saith the Prophet and the women by reason of the vengeance due for their sinnes might teach their daughters wayling c 31.29 Rom 3 4. if the sowre grapes which the parents have eaten should set their childrens teeth on edge But let God be true and every man a lyar that hee may be justified in his sayings and may over-come when hee is judged Hee it is who hath threatned to visit the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate him The sinne is mine Ex 20.5 but the punishment is mine infant's againe the sinne is mine infant's and the punishment is mine And yet farther The sinne is of and from both and the punishment is inflicted upon both His sufferance is my sorrow and his paines my distresse Lord what a due reward of sinne is punishment My child as yet it may be knoweth not sinne and yet is hee punished
my raging out-cryes which have given an evill example of impatience unto others a scandall to â—…y religion It was thy pleasure to free mine â—nfant from the tyrannie of sinne it was thy â—ove it was thy mercy to take him that so hee â—ight sinne noe more Lord unto thy will 〈◊〉 submit my will and for thy love for thy mercy for thy goodnesse I praise thee I blesse â—hee I magnifie thee my Lord and my God Vipe I besiech thee from mine eyes all eares of discontent remove from mine heart he excesse of sorrow and make mee walke in â—…y vocation with cheerefullnesse and in my â—eligion with setlednesse resolution The â—ortalitie of my child hath taught mee the â—…ailty even of my selfe graunt therfore blesâ—ed God that the longer I live the better I may â—…ow both in grace and goodnesse that so when his painfull life shall have an end I may â—eete thee my God with comfort thee my Iesus with joy and rejoycing and my deceased child together with the rest of the quire of Saints with heavenly Halelujahs and sing praise Reu. 5.13 and honour and glory unto thee who sittest upon the throne and to the Lamb for ever mere Amen subject 18 THE EIGHTEENTH SUBjECT Teares of a wife for the sicknesse of her husband The Soliloquie THE EjACULATION Psal 5. vers 1. Give eare to my words ô Lordâ— consider my meditation vers 2. Hearken unto the voyce of my cry my king and my God for unto thee will I pray LOrd how various is the condition of mortalls Sometimes wee are sick and sometimes wee are well Sometimes in sicknesse wee draw neere to the grave and sometimes againe wee are in hope of recoverie T is thus ô 't is thus with my dearest husband Hee who was my comfort and joy in his health is now my griefâ— and sorrow in his sicknesse The extreamitie oâ— his anguish enforceth my teares and those conflicts of his betweene life and death doe pierce mee even to the soule I am mee thinks so divided in my teares that I cannot well determine whether the greatest number of them â—re shed for the torments which hee suffereth â—r for the losse of mine owne content or for the â—aines which love and loyaltie enforce mee to â—ake or for feare of his departure All of them â—ow from the springs of love and are readie â—o convert mee into a gliding streamâ—… When Eve was arraigned for enticing her 〈…〉 â—o the act of disobedience Gen 3.16 it was part of her â—unishment that her desire should be subject â—nto her husband and hee should rule over her Mee think's I could be well contented to under goe this servitude so that my husband might not under-goe this sicknesse Alas his â—isease is growne so violent that it even darkeâ—eth his reason and maketh him desire hee knoweth not what I would gladly obey him â—n whatsoëver hee commandeth but that I must not yeeld unto all his desires in this time of his weakenesse I must now obey the Physitian 's order and follow those directions which hee prescribeth O the miserie of sicknesse which so enfeebleth the braine that it un-man's a husband and pretendeth to free the wife from the yoke of obedience Now my desires must not be subject to my deerest husband if hee requireth that which may hinder his recovery yet howsoever my desires shall be for him when they may not be to him for I will begge of the Lord to ease him of his miserie and to restore him to health O mee think's I am not as I should be because I want the comfort and direction of my head Hee poore man iâ— growne as feeble by sicknesse as I am by sexe and allthough the torment be his yet the sorrow is mine When I remember the unâ—kindnesse of the Amalekite to his sick servant I cannot choose but wonder at the greatnesse of the inhumanitie 1. Sam. 30.13 The master left his sick Egyptian when the enemie pursued as if it hâ—d beene a high offence to want his health Io sicknesse wee have a certaine tryall of a friend Hee that onely affecteth us in health leaveth us in weakenesse is but a pretender to friendship and truely loveth us not O who would leave a languishing man that knoweth not how to helpe himselfe Mee think's I rejoyce though in my greatest perplexitie that God-hath given mee both power and abilitie to comfort my deerest I howerly visit him though not without teares and when I most endeavour to be a comforter unto him even then alas I am enforced to weepe Thus his very potiens are mixed with the drops that distill from mine eyes and at every turne I am so sensible of his miserie that I doe in a manner embalme him alive with mine aboundant teares allthough I yet have hope of his recoverie 2. King 8.7 When Benhadad the King of Assyria was sick hee sent Hazaël to meete Elisha the man of God and enquire of the Lord by him saying Shall I recover of this disease vers 8. Mee think's I could gladly performe that office of Hazaël but where shall I meete with-such a Prophet as Elisha Alas it is not in the power of man to limit our times it is God alone who numbereth our dayes I must therfore leave my curiositie and submit to his pleasure And yet in my submission I cannot leave weeping for even nature alloweth mee a freedome to mourne David grieved when his very enemies were sick for so hee saith As for mee Ps 35.13 when they were sick my cloathing was sackcloth I humbled my soule with fasting How much rather may I be allowed to grieve for my friend for my husband Who knoweth but that my sinne may be the cause of his miserie By my teares of sorrow I will therfore strive to remove the cause It is in the power of my Redeemer both to forgive mee and to recover him But alas so long as hee is sick I cannot be well So long as the head is troubled the body must needs be disturbed Hee is my head and I am his glory 1. Cor. 11.3 vers 7. Alas what comfort can I receave when my head is sick What glory can hee take in the wife of his bosome when the violence of his paine depriveth him of my society But why doe I utter these words of discontent as if it were in the power of man to recover my beloved It is god alone that sendeth sicknesse and that sendeth health on him therfore alone will I depend and in him alone will I hope Saint Paul relateth that Epaphroditus was sick Phil. 2.27 nigh unto death but God saith hee had mercy on him and not on him onely but on mee allso lest I should have sorrow upon sorrow My deare husband is sick as was Epaphroditus yea and for ought that I know hee may be sick unto death too but I will trust in the Lord that hee will have mercy upon him and restore
pronounced against them who take away the right from the poore of the people of the Lord that widowes may be their prey and that they may robbe the fatherlesse Yea and from God himselfe by the mouth of King Solomon the advice is given Remove not the ould land-marke Prov. 23.10 and enter not into the fields of the fatherlesse By the Allmighty to the fatherlesse friends are raised thus was Iob Iob. 29.12 I delivered the poore saith hee that cryed and the fatherlesse and him that had none to helpe him c 31.17 And againe hee saith If I have eaten my morsell alone and the fatherlesse hath not eaten thereof vers 22 then let mine arme fall from the showlder-blade and mine arme be broken from the bone Thus if I am God's then God will be mine If in my wants I misse my father my God will relieve mee if in my troubles I want my father my God will deliver mee What could my earthly parent have added to my content which my heavenly parent cannot much more supply If therfore I grieve too much for the death of him I forget my God who liveth for ever If too much I complaine of his absence who delighted in mee I manifest my rebellion against him who should be my delight Mat. 6.9 Hee taught mee to pray and when I pray hee taught mee to say Our father which art in heaven On him therfore will I depend who is the father of all that believe in him Rom. 4.11 To him in my wants will I addresse my selfe who is the giver of all Iam. 1.17 Upon him will I call and to him will I cry and say The Prayer ALl-mighty God heavenly father who art a Lord of comfort Rom. 15.5 and a God of consolation looke downe upon a sinfull and distressed orphane bereft of the joy and helpe of an earthly parent Thou ô Lord didst send mee unto him that thy Kingdome might be increased and thou hast taken him from mee that my faith and patience might be fully tryed I was apt to forget thee while hee was living looking upon him as the donour of blessings and neglecting thee from whom they proceeded I relyed too much on the arme of flesh 2 Chr. 32.8 and trusted too fondly in the power of man but now thou hast humbled mee by his mortalitie and taught mee wholly to rely and depend upon thee Mine owne unworthinesse of so loving a father made thee to take him away from mine eyes My dis-obedience to his commands and my neglect of honouring him according to thy lawes have provoked thee to anger and to deprive mee of his comfort Lord forgive my manifold offences since I find that all flesh is but as grasse 1. Pet. 1 24. Iam. 4.14 and that the life of man is but as a vapour which van sheth away make mee allways to apply my service wholly unto thee who livest forever Remember thy promises which thou hast made unto the fatherlesse and that I may be capable of those thy promises give mee grace to become thy child by obedience Thou ô Lord art my father to whom belongeth honour Mal. 1.6 thou art my master and requirest mee to feare thee Lord make mee feare to offend thee who art a righteous judge and make mee love and honour thee who art a gracious father Be with mee in all the wayes wherein I shall walke in this mortall life Lu 1.79 guiding my feete into the way of peace Comfort mee in my sorrowes support mee in my miseries provide for mee in my wants and in all places and at all times be thou my father Ps 62.6 Ps 82.3 my rock and my strong salvation Doe thou defend the poore and fatherlesse doe justice to the afflicted and needie Supply all my wants and conferre upon mee all necessarie blessings O be reconciled unto mee in the blood of thy sonne that I may here depend upon thy fatherly protection hereafter be receaved into thy celestiall Kingdome there to reigne with thee world without end through Iesus Christ my onely Lord and Saviour Amen subject 23 THE TWENTIE-THIRD SUBJECT Teares for the death of a beloved brother And may likewise serve at the decease of any other faithfull friend The Soliloquie THE EjACULATION Psal 5. vers 1. Give eare to my words ô Lord consider my meditation vers 2. Hearken unto the voyce of my cry my king and my God for unto thee will I pray A Friend saith King Solomon loveth at all times Prov. 17.17 and a brother is borne for adversitie Friendship which is begotten by the outward forme or any other sinister and by respect liveth noe longer then that ground of affection but nature is stronger then our election can bee and religion obligeth farre more then both O how greate then is my losse of my dearest brother in whom both excellency of feature neerenesse of blood and a gracious conversation conspired together to render him matchlesse To mee hee was a friend but now to the grave what losse can be greater then the losse of a friend To mee hee was a brother but now to the wormes and what losse can be more deplorable then the losse of a brother But to mee hee was yet more hee was a friend in his love and courtesies a brother by his blood yea and an instructer a teacher of religion and goodnesse and yet nor love nor blood nor religion could preserve him mine O what sorrowes doe accompanie all thing transitorie His love could not dye but his body could and so I am deprived of the societie of my brother because my brother was subject to corruption But is this the adversitie for which hee was borne according to King Solomon Did the wise man intend that a brother is borne to bring adversitie Or rather to comfort us in the time of adversitie Had hee beene a cause of my least disturbance while hee was living hee would have eased my griefe by grieving himselfe Hee would have comforted mee in the time of trouble had hee lived to see my grievous mourning But now alas I am left to lament alone and so much the more for the want of his comfort I now must grieve for him who was my joy and my laments and my griefes increase the higher because for his sake they arise who cannot allay them Had wee lived in hatred his death peradventure might have beene my comfort Had wee loved but sleightly a teare or two I might have thought enough to pay at his funerall But our love was firme it was strong yea strong as death Cant. 8.6 and who then can blame mee if my sorrowes in some measure keepe pace with my love O what tye can be so greate as that of affection What love so greate as of a brother and sister And yet so vaine is man so fraile are mortalls that either our affection or our persons must have a divorce Had my deceased brother
SUBJECT Teares of a woman in a deepe Consumption or in any other languishing disease The Soliloquie Consisting of three parts viz 1 A complaint and description of the nature of the disease 2 The cause of the maladie 3 The hope of recoverie part 1 The First part of the Soliloquie expressing A complaint and description of the nature of the disease THE EjACULATION Psal 5. vers 1. Give eare to my words o Lord consider my meditation vers 2. Hearken unto the voice of my cry my king and my God for unto thee will I pray ALl flesh is as grasse saith the Apostle 1. Pet 1 24. and all the glory of man as the flower of the grasse The grasse withereth and the flowâ— thereof falleth away Blessed Apostle hoâ— truely hast thou discribed the condition oâ— humanitie O how sensible am I of thâ— piercing trueth of that sacred text Those whom age enforceth to decline doe easily feele their approaching autumne Io 4.35 and when they lift up their eyes and looke on the fieldâ— on the drooping yeeres of their parched selves they easily conclude themselves to be white allready unto the horvest But must death be confined to the leasure of antiquitie and allways be locked out untill it hath complyed with age to destroy the prison O noe I find it otherwise Death may as easily enteâ— at the gates of diseases as at the stooping salie-port of numerous yeeres Mee think'sâ— see it staring and gaping upon mee with aâ— eager appetite and when I pleade the minoritie of my time it telleth mee that the flowes may be cropped in their spring True it is that every one in the prime of yeeres is like unto grasse priding himselfe in the verdure of youth if yet hee be permitted to enjoy iâ— with delight Wee grow up with the strength of a juycie stemme and beare the flowers oâ— beawtie and glory But when our pompe hath jollied it selfe in the pleasure of earth and our strength hath wantonned among the painted flowers of the springing fields at length the sappe shall returne the Sunne shall withdraw it selfe the plant shall wither and the sith shall cut it downe But is this true in those alone whose hearie heads incline to the earth and whose stooping bodies are bowed by antiquitie Alas noe Diseases have a power as greate as hath age and can worke the carkeise in the selfe same mould as doeth length of dayes I am sure it is so I find it so I see it so I feele it so in the continuance of mine infirmitie The naturall heate moisture of my body decline like the juyce of the flowers In the time of their autumne and what a number of yeares could not easily have effected the sharpnesse of a maladie can quickly conclude Man dyeth saith Iob Iob 14.10 and wasteth away yea man giveth up the ghost and where is hee Too true too true it is that I dye while I live and I wast away when I hope to increase My life is but a lingering death for my meates nourish mee not my drinkes comfort mee not my physick restore's mee not my clothes content mee not and my bed easeth mee not When I hope that my meate will nourish mee then the weakenesse of my stomack chides mee for my hope and tell 's mee that it is wearie of the labour of the teeth When I desire that my drinke should comfort mee then the in-disposition of my concoction frustrateth my desires and causeth my stomack to render back the present in contempt of the briberie When I too seriously rely upon the skill of the Physitian and have a kind of confidence that his physick shall restore mee then either his ignorance of my disease or the debilitie of my deaded body or the in-disposition of the druggs flowte's mee for my confidence and tell 's mee I must dye When my clothes are presented to the heate of the fire and requested to convey the warmth to my chillowed body then either the ayer lyeth in wayte and robbeth them of the heate or else the stricktnesse of the poares of my shrivelled skinne deny it accesse by those contracted doores Iob. 7.13 vers 14 vers 15 vers 16 When I say My bed shal comfort mee my couch shall ease my complaint them am I skared with dreames and terrified through visions so that my soule chooseth death rather then life I loath it I would not live allway let mee alone for my dayes are vanitie Ps 22.15 My strength is dryed up like a pot-sheard my tongue cleaveth to my jawes and I am brought into the dust of death I am chastened with paine upon my bed Iob 33 19. Ps 22.17 and the multitude of my bones with strong paine I may tell all my bones they looke and stareâ— upon mee Lord what a walking ghost am I become even able to affright the world with amazement and wonder at the power of a Consumption Eyes fare yee well yee shall noe more be admird by spectatours nor convey enticements of wickednesse to my deluded heart Eares fare yee well yee shall noe more enjoy the fond delights of earthly musick nor shall the Ecchoeing Choristars of the yealding ajer any more bewitch you with the melodie of their voyces And yee the rest of my senses take your leaves labour noe more the service of my body for bitternesse hath seized upon my tast roughnesse my touch and dullnesse my smelling Mine eyes have now none other object then the bare perusing of â—he craggie mountaines of my rising bones and â—he pale dull lead-colloured skinne is so brivelled and deformed just like the parchment which is contracted and puckered by the â—eate of the fire Mine Eares are entertained with noe other sound 's then a hollow cough which borroweth from my lungs as much of their froath as they can spare at a time and make's mee see how I howerly consume by mammocks All that I have is paine and all that I am is a burden to my selfe When I thinke to walke my knees complaine my Feete are unwilling if the charitable hand of a friend supporteth mee I am to beginne againe to learne to goe When I thinke to discourse the first word biddeth mee be silent and speake noe more lest my spirits should slinke from mee in the ajer of my speech I am growne as much a trouble to society as they doe appeare a burden unto mee I am not so weake in my digestion as I am various in mine appetite and if speedily I am not furnished with what I long for I am presently passionate if it cometh as I desire I am cloyed with the sight I puzzle mine invention to become my Caterer and if I obtaine what I thinke upon I am surfieted with looking upon it Full I am of paine but distinctly and most predominantly I know not where Every part hath a share in the anguish and yet I cannot say which part is most afflicted I cry when I am pained
learne to depend upon God Some things wee thinke wee can certainly foresee consulting with reason about those causes and effects which are meerely naturall but yet wee often faile in our expectations either through the defect of reason or the indisposition and weakenesse of the second causes or else yea and most chiefely by the order of the Most High Yet some are so fond as to magnifie their reason and thereupon ground a necessitie of events not well considering that Allthough this reason obligeth men yet it tyeth not him who is farre above both reason and nature Some againe in their curiositie prying too neerely into things to come borrow their assistance from the Prince of the ayer accounting their knowledg an excellency not tyed to the lawes of religion Thus did that wicked King Ahazia but contrarie to his expectation hee receaved an answer from a Prophet of the Lord vers 6. for Elijah said unto him Thus saith the Lord Therfore thou shalt not come downe from that bed on which thou art gone up but shalt surely dye O what a dreadfull sentence was this Especially to him who sought to the Devill that lyer for his knowledg but receaved such an answer from God who could not deceave Thus am I gone up to my bed too as was that bruised King I am tormented with sicknesse and I languish in a disease O what shall I doe Faine mee thinks I would be certified how long I have to live faine I would live Ps 39.4 and yet I am not certaine of life I am not readie for death and yet I am heartily afraid that I shall find this death too readie for mee But why should I not dye Am I not disturbed with heates and colds with weakenesse and feeblenesse Am I not in a world that giveth noe content That can neither bound my desires nor yet afford what I seeke While I am here I am subject to miseries every moment When I shall be gone this faintnesse and weakenesse these troubles and perturbations shall forsake my weake and infirme body But what then When my body shall sleepe in the silent grave shall it continue there for ever Or shall the soule have a decay and yeald to corruption together with my body of clay and earth Noe noe nothing lesse The body shall indeede lye downe in the dust but yet it shall one day be summoned to rise againe but the soule is eternall it shall continue for ever For ever it shall rest in continuall peace or for ever it shall be tormented in ever-lasting flames Noe merveile then ô my sorrowfull soule that thou art unwilling to leave this tabernacle of flesh since thou knowest not whither thou shalt flye at thy departure But why should not I as well hope for felicitie as dread those torments when my life shall end Doe I aske Why The reason is too plaine What good can I expect from the hands of him whom I have never loved whom I have never obeyed Those whom hee crowneth with heavenly blisse are they who sought for it in a miserable life But I have so lived upon earth as if earth should continue and I have made choyce of this world for the seate of my happinesse But now alas to my woe I find that earth can neither afford any true content nor yet a continuance of that which I accounted good What now shall I doe O whither shall I betake my selfe that I may be partaker of those joyes which are the inheritance of the godly Num. 23.10 Faine I would dye the death of the righteous and I wish that my last end might be like unto his But is this a desire easie to be graunted Alas had I lived the life of the righteous I might then have beene sure I should have dyed the death of them But that ô that is it which pricketh mee at the heart I have lived in sensualitie and this evill day hath beene out of my remembrance so that I cannot comfort my selfe with the smallest hope of what I so eagerly covet But what then Is there noe remedie at all but that I must have the bitter portion with the damned in hell God forbid Hee who hath forborne mee so long when I went on in my wickednesse may yet if hee please afford mee his mercy It is not above his power nor will it eclipse his glory It was once his free promise to a thiefe even dying upon the crosse Lu 23.43 2. Cor. 1.20 This day shalt thou be with mee in paradise His promises allso are sure they are in him yea and in him Amen I doubt not therfore but his mercy was as greate as his word was sure Thus hee saved one which forbiddeth mee despairing yet it was but one which forbiddeth mee presuming But surely it can be noe presumption to build upon his goodnesse Hee delighteth not in the death of a sinner What good can the condemning of mee doe either to him or his creatures True it is that his justice maybe magnified by it but yet it will adde noe glory to his mercy Againe there are but a few in heaven to sing forth his praises but infinite millions in hell and destruction dishonour him in their blasphemies In heaven mee think's there is one too few untill I shall come thither to adde to the number In hell mee think's there would be one too many if I should be throwne into that gulfe of perdition O my God since thou hast vouchsafed mee the knowledg of a heaven yea and of thee the Lord of heaven and earth allthough my knowledg be imperfect thou art offended yet for the merits of thy Sonne be pleased to make mee a cittizen of heaven Rev 21 27. It is most true that there shall in noe wise enter into that place any thing that defileth neither whatsoëver worketh abomination or maketh a lye but they onely which are written in the Lamb's booke of life Upon these termes my hopes indeede doe languish and grow more faint then my feeble body But who is that which condemneth the wicked Is it not hee who likewise calleth the wicked and inviteth them to mercy Is it not hee who telleth mee by his Prophet and saith it himselfe Eze 18 21. If the wicked will turne from all his sinnes that hee hath committed and keepe all my statutes Vers 22 doe that which is lawfull and right hee shall surely live hee shall not dye All his transgressions that hee hath committed they shall not be mentioned unto him vers 23 Have I any pleasure at all that the wicked should dye Saith the Lord God and not that hee should returne from his wayes and live O who is more wicked then I Who more sinfull then I My life hath beene nothing but a continued rebellion and my time hath beene wasted in nothing but disobedience Yet while I have life I have hope If I can but know mine iniquities and get a sorrowfull spirit for them
and rent my heart and amend my life Ioël 2.13 and faithfully rely upon the passion of my Redeemer I may then assure my selfe that hee will correct mee with judgment Ier 10 24. and not in his anger I know that dye I must but in him I earnestly desire to dye When I was in health I thought not of mortalitie and therfore now I am in sicknesse I can skarce so much as hope for immortalitie But I will beseech him to spare mee a litle that I may repent Ps 39.13 before I goe hence and be noe more seene I faine would live not that I might adde to my sinnes but that I might be sorrie for my sinnes I would faine continue here a litle longer that so I might make my peace the surer Long I have continued in wickednesse ô my God spare mee a litle time to spend in contrition If I may enjoy my life but for a litle longer space I will resolve by the grace of my God to dedicate it wholly to the service of him and that I may in some measure make up my repentance before my departure I will beseech him if it may stand with his immutable decree to lend mee a litle more time wherein by his grace I may labour my reconciliation with him My time of death indeede seemeth to draw nigh and yet I doe not consider or at least I have not considered that all this time which I have lived I have beene truely dead Surely thus I have beene for so saith King Solomon Prov. 21.16 The man that wandereth out of the way of understanding shall remaine in the congregation of the dead Thus have I beene dead even in trespasses and sinnes justly therfore now my life doeth hasten away Eph 2.1 and my death approacheth I am now layed upon my bed of sorrow Not as the un-chast Amnon was 2. Sam. 13.5 who lingered after an un-cleane enjoying of his sister Tamar onely counterfeiting a sicknesse Nor like the coveteous Ahab 1. King 21.4 who vexed himselfe because Naboth had denyed to sell him his vine-yard 2. Sam. 4.7 Nor like Ishbosheth ready to be slaine by a Rechab and a Baanah unlesse my sinnes and my sicknesse the effect of my sinnes be that Rechab and that Baanah But languishing I lye allmost despairing of recoverie by reason of the weakenesse of my neere consumed body and spirits through the sharpnesse of my disease Is 14.11 My pompe is even brought downe to the grave and the noise of my violls the worme is spread under mee and the wormes are ready to cover mee But let mee say with holy Iob Iob 10 20. Are not my dayes few Cease then ô my God and let mee alone that I may take comfort a litle vers 21 Before I goe whence I shall not returne even to the land of darknesse and the shadow of death A land of darknesse vers 22 as darknesse it selfe and the shadow of death without any order and where the light is as darknesse There is noe worke nor device Eccl. 9.10 Ps 6.5 knowledg nor wisedome in the grave whither I am goeing In death there is noe remembrance of thee ô my God in the grave who shall give thee thank 's Ps 115.17 Is 38.18 The dead praise not thee ô Lord neither any that goe downeinto silence The grave cannot praise thee death cannot celebrate thee they that goe downe into the pit cannot hope for thy trueth vers 19 The living onely the living hee shall praise thee the father to the children shall make knowne thy trueth Thou thy selfe hast professed that thou art not a God of the dead Matt 22.32 Ps 88.10 vers 11 but of the living wilt thou then shew wonders to the dead Shall the dead arise and praife thee Shall thy loving kindnesse be declared in the grave Or thy faithfullnesse in destruction vers 12 Shall thy wonders be knowne in the darke And thy righteousnesse in the land of forgetfullnesse Consider then Ps 13.3 Ps 69.15 and heare mee ô Lord my God lighten mine eyes that I sleepe not in death Let not the water-flood over-flow mee neither let the deepe swallow mee up and let not the pit shut her mouth upon mee Heare mee ô Lord vers 16 for thy loving kindnesse is good turne unto mee according to the multitude of thy tender mercies 1. Sam 2.6 Thou art hee who doest both kill and make alive who bringest downe to the grave 2. King 4.20 bringest up againe When the Shunamite's child had sate on his mother's knees untill noone vers 21 it then departed but shee went up and layed him on the bed of the man of God vers 32 and shut the doore upon him and went out And when Elisha was come into the house behold the child was dead and laid upon his bed vers 33 hee went in therfore and shut the doore upon them twaine and prayed unto thee my greate and powerfull God vers 35 And the child neezed seaven times and the child opened his eyes Mat 9.18 When the ruler of the Synagogue worshipped my Saviour and sayd My daughter is even now dead but come and lay thine hand upon her and shee shall live vers 25 Then hee went in and tooke her by the hand and the mayd arose O my God to thee I submit my selfe doe with mee as thou pleasest In thy power it is to spare mee for a while It will not be harder for thee to restore mee to health then it was to restore the dead unto life Faine I would live longer that I may repent more Lord if it be thy pleasure adde yet some more dayes unto my life restore mee to health and make mee praise thee for thy mercies Longer I would not live unlesse thou shalt be pleased with my life to renew mine obedience and yet dye I would not unlesse thou shalt first be pleased to give mee a sense of my sinnes and a sorrow upon that sense and a comfortable and contenting joy upon that sorrow Thou art the potter and I am the clay allready thou hast made mee and it is now in thy power either to breake mee into sheards or to preserve mee whole I who have cryed so much in the extreamitie of mine anguish doe now beseech thee with my teares to spare mee Mat. 8.8 O speake the word onely and thy servant shall be healed But yet howsoëver I submit to thine owne good pleasure Lord if it may be thy will let the skill of my Phisitians and the power of my medicines and whatsoëver shall be administred unto mee take a blessing from thee if thou shalt restore mee againe to thee and to thy service will I devote my life My time shall be thine my dayes thine my thoughts my words and mine actions thine So shall thy mercy be magnified and thy praise I will be for ever singing and will
Angells to the latter the un-godly are hurried and tumbled by cursed fiends and staring ghosts Here indeede the wicked spend their dayes in mirth Iob. 21.13 Ps 49.14 but in a moment they goe downe to the grave They are layed like sheepe in the grave death shall feede on them and the upright shall have dominion over them in the morning and their beauty shall consume in the grave from their dwelling From thence there is noe redemption Noe noe there is a greate gulfe Lu 16.26 2. Pet. 3.12 and greater there will be when the earth shall be dissolved and the elements shall melt with fervent heate Then onely heaven and hell shall remaine and from either of these there is noe departure The wicked would be freed out of hell but cannot the godly neither can nor would be deprived of heaven Lu 16.26 Betweene us and you said Abraham to Dives there is a greate gulfe fixed so that they which would passe from hence to you cannot neither can they passe to us which would come from thence Doest thou heare that ô my perplexed soule Doest thou know that thy sentence will be either Come thou blessed or Depart thou cursed Mat. 25 34. vers 41 Doest thou consider that that sentence will be immediately so soone as thou shalt take thy flight from my body O my conscience why hast thou not checked mee for those sinnes of mine which have deserved the sentence of horrour O my soule Ps 89.48 why hast thou forgotten that thou must leave my body Dye I must for what man is hee that liveth and shall not see death Shall hee deliver his soule from the hand of the grave The righteous and the reprobate even both of them shall assuredly dye but the latter shall have a second death the former by death shall enter into life Ps 1.4 The wicked shall be as chaffe which the wind driveth away from the face of the earth and when they dye they shall be cast into un-quenchable fire Mat 3.12 Mat 13 30. Io 12.24 but the righteous shall be like the wheate which shall be gathered into the barne But first they must be sowed before they be reaped Except a corne of wheate fall into the ground and dye it abideth alone but if it dye it bringeth forth much fruit They dye to sinne in their regeneration and they dye by reason of sinne at their change but this all is that they may spring up in glory Lord since I needs must dye let mee dye in thy favour that I may live for ever in thy celestiall Kingdome Pardon all the sinnes I have committed especially my forgetfullnesse of the time of my dissolution So long as I live let mee repent mee of my life and remember my death Give mee as certaine an assurance of a life in glory as I know and am certaine of a temporall death So shall my life here be spent in sorrow for my sinnes and by death I shall passe to those mansions of eternitie I know that I shall dye I begge that I may live Let my sinne here have a death in mee Col. 3.3 and let my soule hereafter have a life for ever with Christ in God 2. A godly preparation against the minuit of death MY soule is bowed downe to the dust Ps 44.25 my belly cleaveth unto the earth and that litle all that is left of my declining body hasteneth apace to the chambers of death Mee think's I heare my greate Creatour speaking unto mee as hee did once to Hezekiah lying on his sick bed Is 38.1 and saying Set thine house in order for thou shalt dye and not live But what house is that which I must set in order Is it my body Alas I have noe power to order that I have referred it to the Physitians and they instead of composing it and regulating it for the recoverie of my health doe but vexe it with draggs and torment it with medicines I feele the hand of death lying hard upon mee and seizing upon every part and member of my body But if it be not the house of my body is it then my house-hold or familie which I must set in order To this indeede I am instructed even by common civility for I have a journie to take a long and a farre journie and never more shall I returne to this place of miserie I must therfore bid my people farewell I must give them a charge and tell them what my pleasure what my desire is they should performe in my absence and that is onely to be obedient to the lawes of my God But yet mee think's this is not all There is yet another house which I must set in order a house of farre more consequence to mee then either of the other The poore rotten house of my body is ready to fall and to come to ruine by the stormes of my sicknesse Yet I strive to mend it and to support it by the various potions and severall dose's prescribed mee by the learned but all I believe will not prevaile downe it must and fall into ashes My familie and house-hold may long continue allthough I depart and leave them behind mee But all this while what have I done for my inner house What course have I taken for my sinfull soule which must shortly appeare at the greate tribunall That ô that is the house which I must order where the King of Kings doeth looke for entertainment If that be not empty Mat 12 44. swept and garnshed it can never content my husband my Lord my Iesus First therfore by an humble confession I will empty it of all pollutions and uncleanesses which have long obscured themselves and lurked in the corners Then will I sweepe it by repentance watering it with my teares and afterwards I will besiech my God to adorne and garnish it with his spirituall graces Ps 4.4 I now beginne I blesse my God to commune with mine owne heart upon my bed and to search out mine iniquities O my God be pleased to give mee a quick apprehension of all mine enormities Sharpen my memorie and rowze up and awake my sleeping conscience that I may muster up all my sinnes in order and examine the wicked and sinfull passages of my life I will beginne with mine infancie and proceede through all the crooked turnings and by-paths of my life even unto this very minuit of my sorrow I will search 1. What sinnes I have committed 2. How long they have dwelt with mee 3. What chidings and contentions I had in my conscience for the committing of them 4. How often I repented for them 5. How true that repentance was 6. What amendment did follow upon that repentance 7. What thankfullnesse I rendered unto God for that repentance 8. What joy I receaved in my new obedience 9. What holy resolutions I made to continue in the way of the commandements And when I have met with a sinne I will
speaketh better things then that of Abel Rev. 2.10 1. Cor 3.21 vers 22 vers 23 I know that if I am faithfull unto death hee will give unto mee a crowne of life I know that all things are ours so long as wee are his whether the world or life or death or things present or things to come all are ours and wee are Christ's Christ is God's Why the doe I crie out upon my paines Is any paine which I can suffer either so much as I deserve by offending my Iesus or comparable to his torments which hee suffered for mee Flesh thou hast disturbed mee all my life with thy sweete and sugered baites hast allured mee to sinne but I will drowne thee therfore in my teares Thou art allready drawen low by my sicknesse and yet because this punishment is not enough thou who wert kept from staines with curious though simple art shalt now be tumbled into the dirt from whence thou camest For the beds of downe on which thou hast stretched thy selfe thou shalt lye downe in the hard and stonie earth for the greate and spatious chamber◠which thou didst pride thy selfe in thou shalt be confined to the skantnesse narrownesse of a coffin for the curious hangings which adorned thy roomes were the costly adventures and labours of forreiners thou shalt be closely wrapped bound in thy grave-clothes and for the gallant societie which thou so cheerefully delightedst in thou shalt have the companie of nothing but wormes yea and such wormes too as thou didst loath in thy seeming prosperitie shall be at once both thine associates thy greedie devourers World thou art an imposter hast treacherously deluded mee with hopes of vanitie but now I find that thy braverie is but follie thy riches but fumes smoakes that vanish thy friendship but hatred thy pride but madnesse thy beautie but uglinesse and all thy temtations are but leaders to destruction I hate thee therfore thou vaine world and leave thee behind mee as contemning the societie of trifles so un worthy and though for a time thou mayst foole the un wise and bewitch them with the false glasses of thy seeming glory yet know thou that the time shall come when thou shalt consume in thy flames and shalt burne in a heape at the day of revenge And as for you ô yee black and uglie slaves of perdition yee hellish-criew of infernall fiends goe seeke some other to delude with your suggestions in mee yee have neither share nor hope for neither should your torments be lessened if yee could seduce mee nor shall nor can your madnesse prevaile against thy redeemed soule to increase the number of your schreeches and howlings And now ô my Iesus come come away for I am thine and thou art mine Why stayest thou so long Why delayest thou the time The longer I live I doe but the more offend thee and the more I offend thee the more doe my sorrowes burden mee for these mine offences O would it not be more for thy glory to free mee from corruption that I might sing praises to thy name without any feare of displeasing thee How long Lord how long wilt thou keepe mee from thy tryumphant quire Ps 42.2 My soule is a thirst for thee my heart panteth after thee ô when shall I come and appeare in thy presence ô my God O how truely and eagerly doe I long for death that I may live with thee who art the truth and the life Io 14.6 I know that one day dye I must but my death shall be nothing but a passage unto life for though in Adam all dye yet in thee ô Christ 1. Cor. 15.22 shall all be made a live I cry Lord I cry to thee I cry because thee I have offended to thee onely I cry because thou onely doest heare and wilt helpe to thee onely I cry because thou onely hast redeemed mee to thee ô to thee I cry to hasten to come with speede O God make speede to save mee O Lord make hast to helpe mee Dan. 9.19 Rom 7 24. Ps 22.17 O Lord heare ô Lord forgive ô Lord deliver mee from the body of this death These pale cheekes and these hollow eyes and these staring bones and this sbrivell'd skinne are now mee think's adorned with beautie because they bring mee the glad tidings of the approaches of my Redeemer This bed is hard to what I shall find in the grave these sheetes are course and un-easie to that which I shall be wound in Come ô Christ ô stay noe longer I feare thou art angrie with mee or else ere now I should have seene thy face but if thou art angry Ps 30.5 I am well assured that thy wrath endureth but the twinkling of an eye and in thy presence is life My spirit cryes come and my wearied soule cryes come and my weake limbs cry come Come therfore ô my Redeemer Come Lord Iesus Come quickly exercise 5 5. The resignation of the Soule into the hands of God THe Prophet Ieremiah admonished the house of Israel saying Give glory to the Lord your God before hee cause darknesse and before your feete stumble upon the darke mountaines and while yee looke for light and hee turne it into the shadow of death and make it grosse darknesse That glory I have given and now I doe render to the Lord my God so farre as hee in his goodnesse is pleased to enable mee And now that time is come that happy moment O Well-come blessed hower so long expected so long desired How rebellious hath beene my flesh that it held put so long and now hides it selfe under my dryed skinne and shrink's it selfe up as unwilling to yeeld Away proud dust thou canst have noe hope of a freedome from putrefaction allthough the time shall come when the Lord will glorifie thee That time I know will come indeede yea I know it assuredly Ps 56.9 Iob. 19.25 vers 26 for the Lord is on my side I know that my Redeemer liveth and that hee shall stand at the latter day upon the earth and though after my skinne wormes destroy this body vers 27 yet in my flesh I shall see God whom I shall see for my selfe and mine eyes shall behold and not other though my reines be consumed within mee I have though weakely and imperfectly endeavoured to glorifie my God before this hower approached both in the confesion to him of my grievous sinnes ah those uglie sinnes which I still grieve for am sorry for them and yet not without a certaine confidence and assurance of his mercy Lord I thanke thee for this happy hower Now I find that though the wicked is driven away in his wickednesse Pro 14 32. yet I am filled with hope in my death Wicked alas I was and woe is mee wicked I am if considered in my felfe but in thee ô Iesus I am holy in thy righteousnesse I am righteous therfore
in the land of darknesse and yet 't is possible for mee to avoide that fire and brimstone and live eternally in the heavens Surely if the choyce be in my power I am a thousand times worse then the maddest woman that ever was bereft of her senses if I choose not heaven much rather then hell for in heaven is an eternall life but in hell an eternall death In the one shall be noe end of living in the other shall be noe end of dying T is concluded then if my choyce be free I lay hands upon heaven that shall be mine And who can blame mee The choyce I am sure is good but yet there remaine's more then the bare saying I choose heaven for my lott Yes surely there 's more then this or else it had beene impossible that ever any should have beene damned if the fruition of happinesse should immediately have ensued upon the election by word or speech alone What then is next required to my choyce My Saviour tell 's mee Mat 7.21 Not every one that saith unto mee Lord Lord shall enter into the Kingdome of heaven but hee that doeth the will of my father which is in heaven Doe his will What 's that What is his will Surely the Prophet tell 's mee when hee say's and advise's Is 55.6 Seeke the Lord while hee may be found call upon him while hee is neere Seeke him Why Hee 's in heaven While hee may be found Why When cannot hee be found who is every where and for ever and ever True it is that hee is allways to be found but onely of them that seeke him and those that seeke must seeke as they ought or else they shall not find him whom they would Hee is allways to be found but is hee allways to be found of mee This question is to the purpose indeede for what is it to mee if all the world besides should find him What content could I receive in that ioy which others would have in the fruition of him if I find him not Certainly noe pleasure could redound to mee if I should have though the whole land of darkuesse to my selfe and noe body else alotted to share with mee Alasse alasse God is not all ways to be found because hee is not allways sought The defect is in our selves and not in him for those that will find him must seeke him hee 's very well worth the looking for Where now have I beene all this while or where hath Hee beene ever since I was borne that I have triseled out so much time and yet have not found him Oh though I sought him not yet hee found mee though I knew him not yet hee knew mee though I minded him not ye hee watched over mee Hee sought mee hee call'd mee hee wooed mee to come to him and when I still denyed hee offered mee pretious things pretious indeede if I would but come to him and yet I would not but back againe like a child I still ranne to my nurse I hid my selfe from him and with my nurse I sported and played But why would not Nature my fond nurse suffer mee to goe to him Oh because shee knew that if once I should goe home to my heavenly father hee would weane mee presently and never suffer my nurse to foole mee any more Moreover shee thought that hee would use mee hardly and chide mee and scourge mee and that shee could not endure it went against her disposition Lord now thou hast opened mine eyes that I might seeke thee now I doe seeke thee doe thou reveale thy selfe unto mee be ever with mee be thou ever mine Make mee to see what I was with shame and horrour and now to be what I should be even a sighing sobbing sorrowfull convert Make mee see what I was say I Indeede what was I not that was not good that was wicked and corrupt I cannot remember that in all my life I ever did any one thing which might truely and justly be called good Ay mee All my time past was given for nothing I have quite lost it How sayd I For nothing It were well indeede for mee if it were so well I pray God it may be so But there is an old score a great one too for which I must call my selfe to an account or else I am sure that the All mighty will Better it will be for mee that I doe it then hee and yet I cannot doe it without him Lord graunt that I may now spend my time well even in the recounting how ill I formerly consumed it and in repenting of that ill At my birth I surely began well for I was ignorant of evill I was innocent and yet now I better bethinke my selfe of it I did not I was not so ignorant or not so innocent for I was both conceaved in sin and borne in sin too Ps 51.5 I was shapen in iniquity and in sinne did my mother conceave mee Yet I was a kind of prophetesse at my birth for I came werping into the world so doe all questionlesse the first cry was caused by sinne foreseeing as it were the sinne I should committ and grieving in a sort for the sinne which I inherited But did I beginne so well and proceede so ill Was I a young saint and am I an ould sinner Was I borne a prophetesse and have I lived a transgressour Yes I have oh I have I grew in wickednesse as I grew in yeeres When I was a child I lived in ignorance 1. Cor 13.11 I spake as a child I understood as a child I thought as a child yet when I grew past that child-hood I did not put away childâ—sh things Act 17 30. I lived indeede in ignorance and yet the time of that ignorance God winked at but now hee command's mee to repent Foolish I was Ps 73.22 ignorant even as a beast before him for I looked onely after things temporall and never thought upon those that are eternall and yet if I consider wel of it there neither is nor can be any due comparison betweene them for there hould's noe proportion there is noe analogie or resemblance held betweene things finite and things infinite I may observe some difference betweene them if I doe but consider how Eagerly I long for things temporall and how I love them before I obtaine them but when for a moment I have enioyed them their vallew is forgotten for I am surfeited I am cloyed with them and all this because they have nor power nor goodnesse enough to bound and limit my desires But things eternall though here they are more coldly desired yet they shall be beloved and enioyed with true content and continuall reioycing hereafter Peraduenture those things which I seeke for here I obtaine not or if I gaine them and should possesse them all my life time yet they would not continue they would remaine but a short space with mee because I shall not continue my life
the Soliloquie A resolution for the time to come VVHile the earth remaineth sayth the Lord to Noah seede time and harvest cold and heate summer and winter Gen 8.22 day and night shall not cease This is a faithfull promise of the true God and therfore cannot be questioned or doubted by Christians But how long shall these seasons last Onely as long as the earth remaineth And how long shall the earth remaine God onely knoweth that it is not in the power or reach of the wisest upon earth to limit the time thereof A time will come Mat 24 35. when heaven and earth shall passe away when the Sunne shall be darkened and the Moone shall not give her light vers 29 and the Starres shall fall from heaven and the powers of the heavens shall be shaken but of that day vers 36 and hower knoweth noe man noe not the Angells in heaven but the Father onely The earth I know shall have a time of dissolution and her funerall piles shall be kindled and fired by him Is 30.33 whose breath like a streame of brimstone doth kindle Tophet Yet though I know not how soone this time shall be expired I hope it may be deferred for many ages and so peradventure it may be But what if it be What can the delaying thereof advantage mee How many ages have passed since the creation of the world How many millions of people have had their successions since the death of Abel I neither was created with the first nor for any thing I know shall I remaine with the last If therfore the earth and the seasons of the earth shall continue a thousand yeares if yet I live not out that thousand yeares what can the age of the world advantage mee Why then doe I fasten my hopes upon future times Why doe I confidently reckon upon yeeres to come or moneths or weekes or dayes Nay why upon to morrow Why upon an hower Why upon a minuit There is nothing more sure then that my former dayes are past and gone and may not be re-called Nothing is more certaine then that the present instant is short and cannot continue And nothing againe is more uncertaine to mee then the future time whereon I depend Moreover If I were sure to live a certaine proportion and number of dayes or weekes or moneths 2. King 20.6 if I were sure that the Lord would adde unto my dayes fifteene yeares as hee did to Hezekiahs yet how doe I know that hee would give mee grace to repent in those fifteene yeeres An impenitent life is but a living death and which is worst of all after that cometh judgment Heb 9.27 If then I vainely flatter my selfe with a hope that my life shall be prolonged and relying upon the broken reede of that deceaving hope if I deferre my repentance I doe but hope that God will lengthen my dayes that I may increase my sinnes so by consequence that my punishment may be increased There is indeede a sort of coveteous people in the world which promise to themselves a continuance of their lives that they may increase their riches These are they which say Iam 4 13. To day or to morrow wee will goe into such a citty and continue there a yeare and buy and sell and gett gaine vers 14 whereas as the Apostle saith they know not what shall be to morrow For what is our life It is even a vapour that appeareth for a litle time and then vanisheth away And there is a sort of luxurious Atheists and Epicures which say Come yee Is 56.12 I will fetch wine and wee will fill our selves with strong drinke and to morrow shall be as this day and much more aboundant Wised 2.5 These are they which say Our time is a very shadow that passeth away and after our end there is noe returning for it is fast sealed that noe man cometh againe vers 6. Come on therfore let us enjoy the good things that are present and let us speedily use the creatures vers 7. like as in youth Let us fill our selves with costly wine and ointments and let noe flower of the spring passe us vers 8. Let us crowne our selves with rose-buds before they be withered vers 9. Let none of us goe without his part of voluptuousnesse let us leave tokens of our joyfullnes in every place for this is our portion and our lott is this And these are they which like the rich Epicure in the Gospel say unto their Soules Lu 12.19 Soule thou hast much goods layed up for many yeares take thine ease eate drinke and be merry All these suppose that man was created onely for meates and not meates for man They conceave that every one shall have a time of pleasure and wickedly they seeke it in the vanitie of the creatures But oh that both they and I might ever have those words of the All mighty sounding in our eares vers 20 Thou foole this night thy soule shall be required of thee and then whose shall those things be which thou hast provided This night Lord Yes this very hower this very instant thou mayst strike mee dead then as death leaves mec judgment shall find mee O it will be a time of horrour and amazement to those that prepare not for to those that expect not his comeing 1. Pet. 4.17 Saint Perer sayd long agoe that The time is come that judgment must beginne at the house of God and if it first beginne at us Lord put mee into that number what shall the end be of them that obey not the Gospel of God And if the righteous scarcely be saved vers 18 where shall the ungodly and sinners appeare Hearke Doest thou heare that ô my soule The righteous shall scarcely be saved This is true for it is the word of trueth It was inspired by his Spirit who sayd Straite is the gate Mat 7.14 and narrow is the way that leadeth to life and few there be that find it O how I tremble when I reade that scarcely and that few What shall I doe to be one of those few allthough I obtaine it never so hardly allthough I know that I shall scarcely attaine to it Lord I will repent but doe thou assist mee Lord I will be faithfull but doe thou increase my faith Lu 17.5 I will doe I say When How Am I sure of any time but the present moment Or can I stay the present instant and hinder it from flying Noe noe I cannot By thy grace therfore blessed God even now this very instant I doe repent and am unfeignedly sorrowfull for all mine offences this very moment I doe believe all that thou hast spoken in thy holy word I doe believe thee I doe believe in thee ô Lord helpe thou my un-beliefe Mar 9.24 If I shall have any more minuits allotted mee I wil number them with my teares
purchase my desires by declining his mercy If any thing cometh it is sent by his providence if nothing cometh yet still I have God who is the best of all If it be his pleasure to bring mee to the earth by this consuming want my body indeede shall yeeld the lesse foode to the wormes but my soule shall be filled with un-speakeable comforts Lord what a base lumpe of clay is this which would so tyrannize over my soule as to make it leave it's confidence in thee What art thou that complainest and yawnest and gapest so greedily for satisfaction Thou art but earth at the best and by the earth thou hast beene fed and to the earth thou shalt returne The foode which thou desirest is a thing to be loathed if thou diddest but consider in what manner thou wert furnished The earth produceth grasse for the foode of the beastes they are fatted to furnish the tables of men and when men doe plentifully feede upon them the least part thereof conduceth to their nourishment the most of it goeth out into the draffe and even that which is putrified it returne's to the earth againe to render it fertile Thus wee live by excrements and wee are fed by putrefaction That which wee loath both in the sent and the sight is forgotten when wee feede upon it in our bread Thus I pine then for nothing but dung and filth for want whereof my belly would force mee to repine against my maker Our fowles are fed with the filthie wormes that proceede from our dung hills our fishes are composed of mudde and slime our beastes are nourished by vertue of that which wee loath to remember and from all these is patched up such a body as at the second or third hand is nothing but dung or whatsoever is worse Were it not shame then for mee to suffer this body which being dead in three or foure dayes will be odious to the living to entice my soule to rebell against my maker O I may not I will not This leanenesse doeth but lecture to mee what I am framed of and the soule is comforted in the weakenesse of the prison That better part doeth long to dwell with the father of spirits Each bitt I should eate Heb 12 9. would but delay my time and retard the fruition of a crowne of glory O my God be pleased to send mee thy blessing as well in want as in plenty that so I may decree and resolve with Saint Paul in whatsoëver state I am Phil 4.11 there with to be content Thus I should be and thus I desire to be for hunger with content is better then feasting and feasting without it is worse then famine If God in his wisedome seeth it good for mee that I should be filled I doubt not of his providence in sending what is good I will as I ought sieke the ordinarie meanes for the preservation of life I will industriously labour or earnestly besiech or painfully travaile for that which may nourish mee If it cometh as I desire I will thanke him who sendeth it if it cometh not as I wish howsoëver I will labour to be content with my lott Him will I honour both in plenty and in want and to his disposing will I yeeld up my selfe True it is that hee created meates for the belly 1. Cor 6.13 and the belly for meates but yet hee will destroy both it and them Hee hath sent mee this affliction to physick my soule and to put mee in mind how nicely I have refused in plenty what now I should thankfully receave in my want Those that are full are apt to surfeit and hasten with more disturbance to the gates of the grave then wee who in hunger doe willingly meete and desire our death Yet I am not so unwilling to live as that I would refuse my nourishment though of the meanest sort nor am I so unwilling to dye Prov. 27.7 as by unlawfull meanes to satisfie my appetite The full soule loatheth an hony-comb but to the hungry soule every bitter thing is sweete I dare not imitate the Israelites who murmured and repined against Moses and Aaron Ex 16.3 and said unto them Would to God wee had dyed by the hand of the Lord in the land of Egypt when wee sate by the flesh-pots and when wee did eate bread to the full for yee have brought us forth into this wildernesse to kill this whole assembly with hunger What would it advantage mee if God in his judgment should send mee my desires Is it not better to partake of his mercy in miserie then of his displeasure in plenty Ps 78.27 vers 28 At the desire of the Israëlites hee rained flesh upon them as dust and feathered fowles like as the sand of the sea And hee let it fall in the middest of the campe round about their habitations vers 29 So they did eate and were filled vers 30 hee gave them their owne desire they were not estranged from their lust Those on whom hee rained downe Manna to eate vers 24 and gave them of the corne of heaven even they were likewise stored with the flocks of the Quailes But their sweete meate had sowre sawce vers 30 vers 31 for while their meate was yet in their mouths the wrath of God came upon them and slew the fattest of them Prov. 10.22 and smote downe the chosen men in Israël It is onely the blessing of the Lord that maketh rich even of him who promised to the Israëlites Ex 23.25 if they would serve him to blesse their bread and their water and to take sicknesse away from the midd'est of them Hee it was who moved Shobi and Machir 2. Sam. 17.27 and Barzillai to bring unto David at Mahanaim and to his people that were hungrie and wearie vers 28 and thirstie in the wildernesse both beds and cupps and earthen vessells and wheate and barley and flowre and parched corne and beanes and lentills and parched pulse And honey vers 29 and butter and sheepe and cheese of kine Luc. 1.53 Hee filleth the hungrie with good things and the rich hee sendeth emptie away Iob. 34.28 The cry of the poore cometh unto him and hee heareth the cry of the afflicted Hungrie and thirstie Ps 107 5. the soules of the Israëlites fainted in them Then they cryed unto the Lord in their trouble vers 6. vers 9. and hee delivered them out of their distresses Hee satisfieth the longing soule and filleth the hungrie soule with goodnesse Thus hee may doe for mee as hee did for them but then I must pray and that in faith I must weepe and that in hope I must remember my sinnes which have deserved this punishment yea greater then here can be inflicted upon mee and I must thank my Creatour who visiteth mee in mercy I must submitt to his pleasure and kisse the rod. Though now as was the Prodigall
ghost c 25.8 and dyed in a good old age Iud 8.32 1. Chr 29.28 Gen 23 1. vers 2. an old man full of yeeres and was gathered to his people Gideon the sonne of Ioash dyed in a good old age David dyed in a good old age full of dayes riches and honour Sarah was an hundred twentie and seaven yeeres old when shee dyed in Kiriath arba These and thousands of others who lived greate and good ages lay downe in the dust and their spirits were caried by Angells into the kingdome of happinesse the citty of my God why then should not I endeavour to follow them to blisse Dye I must but when or where or how I can not determine Yet sure I am that if I live the life of the righteous I shall dye their death Num 23.10 and receave their reward As neere as I am to my longest home I am not assured what death I shall dye neither by what disease nor with what torments or ease Gen 42.38 Iacob was afraid that his gray haires should be brought downe with sorrow to the grave When David gave Solomon a charge concerning Ioab hee commanded him 1. King 2.6 saying Let not his hoary head goe downe to the grave in peace Concerning Shimei hee likewise charged him vers 9. saying His hoary head bring thou downe to the grave with blood The rebellious Israëlites were threatned for their disobedience Deut 28.49 vers 50 that the Lord should bring a nation against them which should not regard the person of the oldâ— nor shew favour to the young I have noe more priviledg nor prerogative then they unlesse I can prove that I am better then they Nay more the manner or the kind of death though never so tormenting is farre from satisfying for the smallest offence My death may be troublsome and sull of miserie and yet my doome may be full of horrour O what shall I doe What shall I doe to escape that sentence of wrath which can never be recalled The more yeeres I have lived the more sinnes I have committed The words of the ould Patriarch doe more properly belong unto mes then they did unto him Few Gen 47.9 and evill have the dayes of the yeeres of my life beene O what a world of crimes is my soule oppressed with What shall I doe to pacifie my God against whom my sinnes and offences have beene committed Nothing but blood can satisfie for my skarlet crimes and noe blood can appease him but the blood of his Sonne and noe share can I have in that most precious blood unlesse I seriously and faithfully repent mee of my sinnes Lord Is 56.3 though I may say with the Eunuch Behold I am a drie tree yet it is in thy power as well to draw water out of the dryest tree as the obdurate rockes O my God I desire to offer thee both mine eyes full of teares and a heart full of groanes If all that litle moisture which is left in my body could possibly be converted into one teare of timely and acceptable repentance even that teare ô God would I readily offer thee Lord I grieve in my very soule for the pollutions of my soule and am seriously and heartily offended at my selfe for offending thee Accept ô God the throbs of my fainting heart and be reconciled unto mee in the blood of thy sonne O Lord I sigh ô Lord I grieve My heart panteth my bowells yerne and my very soule languisheth and pineth to receave the assurance of thy favour I will lye at the poole of Bethesda as hee did who was diseased neere fortie yeeres Io. 5.5 I will lye at the gate of thy mercy ô Iesus and there will I weepe and grieve and lament and call and cry for mercy at thy hands ô blessed Redeemer and my petitions I will tender in all humilitie and devotion praying and saying The Prayer MErcifull Lord God Is 46.3 who didst promise to carrie the house of Iacob from the belly and the wombe vers 4. even to old age and hoary haires despise not the humble suite of thine aged and feeble servant My many yeeres I must confesse I have spent in vanitie and scarce one minuit of them have I devoted to thy service as I ought to have done Every day have I offended thee and every hower have I beene disobedient to thy lawes My child-hood hath beene full of folly my youth of stubbornesse my riper yeeres have beene apt to wantonnesse and mine old and aged dayes to coveteousnesse and impenitencie Thou mightest long since in thy justice have destroyed mee in my sinnes and have given mee a portion in the land of darknesse But now ô father since thou hast spared mee so long doe not condemne mee at the last Let the heavie heart and the trembling tongue and the shaking hands and the most sorrowfull soule of an humble convert find favour in thine eyes With thy mercy Iob. 4.4 Ps 35.3 Ps 39.4 ô Lord strengthen my weake hands support my feeble knees comfort my drooping heart and say unto my soule I am thy salvation Lord make mee to know mine end and the measure of my dayes that I may know how fraile I am vers 5. Ps 93.2 Ps 102.27 Ps 90.9 Mine age is nothing before thee for thou art from everlasting and thy yeeres shall not faile O be thou reconciled unto mee through the passion of my Redeemer for when thou art angry all our dayes are gone wee bring our yeeres to an end as a tale that is told Ps 71.9 O cast mee not off in this time of old age forsake mee not now my strength faileth mee Though the heavens Is 51.6 and the â—earth shall waxe old as doeth a garment and they that dwell therein shall dye yet thy salvation shall be for ever and thy righteousnesse shall not be abolished Ps 43.3 Ps 71.18 Ps 23.4 Ps 62.7 Prov. 23.22 O send out thy light and thy trueth to leade mee now I am old and gray headed ô my staffe and thou who art the onely rock of strength forsake mee not Thou hast commanded our children to hearken to their fathers that begat them and not to despise their mothers when they are old O my heavenly father doe thou make mee thy child by grace and adoption that I may hearken unto thee and never despise or forsake thy commandements Make mee allways remember thy workes ô Lord Ps 77.11 and call to mind thy wonders of old time Give mee grace to be in behaviour as becometh holinsse Tit 2.3 not given to the vices which commonly delude the ancient and decrepid but that I may be a teacher of the things that are good Peaceably ô my father Iob. 5.26 let mee come to my grave in a full age like as a shock of corne cometh in in his season By the course of nature I am ready to goe the way of all the earth
the sinnes of us thy people cause thee to stoppe thine eares at our prayers 2. Chr 30.18 O heare thou our Hezekiah's praying for us who have not cleansed our selves Stay the plague from us thine Israel as thou didst from thy people Ps 106 30. Num. 16.46 when thy servant Phinehas executed judgment Cause our Aarons to take their Censers and to put fire in them from off the altar and to put on incense O let them come quickly to our congregations and make an attonement for us vers 48 Let them stand betweene the dead and the living and let the plague be stayed 2. Sam. 24.16 Thine Angel stretcheth forth his hand upon our Ierusalem to destroy it O doe thou as in the time of King David Repent thee of the evill and say unto the destroying Angell It is enough stay now thine hand Heare mee ô Lord for the distressed people and heare them for mee and heare thy Christ for us all that to him and thee and thy blessed Spirit wee may render as is most due all praise and glory and thanks-giving and obedience from this time forth for ever-more Amen THE FOURTEENTH SUBjECT Teares of her whose house is shut up for the Pestilence The Soliloquie THE EjACULATION Psal 5. vers 1. Give eare to my words ô Lord consider my meditation vers 2. Hearken unto the voice of my cry my king and my God for unto thee will I pray WHat Shut up Why so Must mine house be a prison and my selfe both the jayler and the prisoner too This is a punishment added unto God's to be thus shut up from the societie of men Is this a visitation thus to forbid our visitants Was I wont to be such a gadder abroade that I must now be kept at home under lock and key Lord how suddenly am I transported with passion even beyond the bounds of reason and religion O here is the messenger of death come into mine house and now I must be thankfull to authoritie for commanding mee to retire my selfe to my private and pensive accounts who knoweth yet but that both my selfe and my familie may live for all our inclosing It may so please my God that by my being secluded from the multitude I may shunne the infection of the multitude and so what I conceaved an iniurie may end in a blessing I may perhaps say and say truely when I am awaked fully out of my passion Gen 28.16 as Iacob did when hee awoke out of his sleepe Surely the Lord is in this place and I knew it not My God is come indeede Lu 7.6 allthough I am not worthy that hee should enter under my roofe O hee is come but hee is come in wrath and sheweth mee the tokens of his anger but I will submit to his pleasure and say unto him in the language of the blessed Virgin Lu 1.38 Behould the hand-mayd of the Lord be it unto mee according to thy will Who knoweth but that insteed of killing hee may come to raise mee a Lazarus Io 11.43.44 if occasion serveth as once hee did for Martha and Marie Peradventure hee may come in judgment to others and yet to mee in mercy Howsoever I will hope that I am one of those who are spoken unto from the Lord by the mouth of his Prophet Come my people Is 26.20 enter thou into thy chambers shut thy doores about thee hide thyselfe as it were for a litle moment untill the indignation be over past Since then my Lord is come to be my guest my house shall be emptie swept and garnished that noe thing may offend him nothing may displease him and thus will I emptie it thus will I sweepe it thus will I garnish it Fare-well vaine world thou that hast deluded mee with thy follies and cozened mee with thy false and braided wares Come not neere mee my doores are shut and none such as thou shall enter here Fare-well false friends who onely gaze upon the rising Sunne Yee who were my companions in folly and enticers to fond and idle sports fare-well fare-well noe more shall yee enter with your bewitching charmes Sports passe-times games merrie meetings gossipings fare yee all well come noe more to my doores for if yee doe come yee shall knock and knock and knock againe all in vaine for even to this purpose allso are they now made fast And now mine Eyes the lustre of my countenance yee windowes of folly take yee your leave of your vaine objects for I have a taske to set you that yee never yet were acquainted with First I will preferre you to attend upon my heart and whatever sighes sobbes my poore heart shall send forth it shall be your duety to entertaine them by the way and enforce them to accept of the companie of your teares Yee shall weepe 'till yee are wearie and then shall yee reade when indeede yee are wearie of poring upon divine pages for your re-creation yee shall weepe againe that by that meanes yee may be fitted to reade againe Next If at any time I give you leave to consult with the sister of mortalitie as some times I fhall be necessitated to afford you a time of intermission by the persuasions of nature be sure that yee stay not too long from your imployments for my hast is greate my businesse is of consequence wee have onely a litle work to doe for the King of eternitie and then wee shall be at ease And yee mine Eares that have so often hearkened to the Syren songs of the vaine world now bid yee adieu to your musicall harmonies and ravishing concords for I must lock yee up for a season and hereafter yee shall heare a melodie beyond the tuning of the spheares for the Quire of heaven shall ravish you with their Halelujah's These Hands that so proudly hid themselves under the skinne of the kidde and blushed when they were beheld by any lesse then an idolater shall now entwine each other in a mutuall concord and then revenging the quarrell of their sinnes upon my trecherous heart they shall smite it and thumpe it and beate it untill they have mollified it untill they have beaten that stone into flesh and that flesh into water and forced that water into teares for the sinnes of my whole selfe Next my Tongue mine un-toward un-ruely wanton tongue my false pick-thanke tell-tale tongue that couldest never find the way to tell the trueth or not willingly or not with delight thou for thy idle thy prophane thy wicked speeches shalt send out nothing but cryes and yells and hideous dinus and horrid screeches for thine offences and if at any time I fhall by thine obsequious service be contented to trust thee with an articulate prayer be sure that thou first take direction from my heart Chanter in french signifieth to sing Ps 141 3. and then chant it out so lowde but forget not discretion that it may be heard up as high as
let the sicknesse of our bodies put us in mind of the diseases of our soules Good God either preserve us from sicknesse or protect us in sicknesse Be thou our God and make us thy servants and then come either with health or with sicknesse thy will be done Ps 91.7 Thou canst cause a thousand to fall at our side and ten thousand at our right hand and yet preserve us Thou canst if thou pleasest vers 10 so protect us that noe evill may befall us nor any plague come nigh our dwelling O graunt therfore that wee may make thee our refuge vers 9. Ps 38.6 yea thee who art the most high our habitation Wee are troubled o Lord wee are bowed downe greately wee goe mourning all the day long Ps 102 9. vers 10 Wee eate ashes as it were bread and mingle our drinke with weeping because of thine indignation and thy wrath for thou hast lifted us up and cast us downe But o thou who art my onely rock Ps 42.9 why hast thou forgotten us O why goe wee thus mourning by reason of this affliction Ps 43.2 Thou art the God of our strength Why doest thou cast us off O give mee leave with Queene Esther to speake yet againe before thee the King of Kings Est 8.3 and to fall downe at thy feete as shee did at the feete of King Ahasuerus and to besiech thee with teares to with-draw thy visitation Iob. 14 22. O Lord our verie soules within us doe mourne for thou doest cause our Sunne to goe downe at noone and doest darken our earth in the cleere day Amos. 8.9 vers 10 Thou hast turned our fasts into mourning and all our songs into lamentation thou hast brought sack-cloth upon our loynes Lam. 5.15 vers 16 and made our mourning as the mourning of an onely sonne The joy of our hearts is ceased and the crowne is fallen from our head Woe unto us that wee have sinned But ô thou who wert annointed to preach good tidings unto the meeke Is 61.1 who wert sent to bind up the broken-hearted vers 2. to proclame liberty to the captives and the opening of the prison to them that are bound to proclaime the acceptable yeere of the Lord yea and the day of vengeance of our God to comfort all that mourne vers 3. to appoint unto them that mourne in Zion to give unto them beawtie for ashes the oyle of joy for mourning the garment of praise for the spirit of heavinesse Thou who settest up on high those that be low Iob. 5.11 Ps 102 17. that those which mourne may be exalted to safety Reguard thou I most humbly and earnestly besiech thee the prayers of us the poore destitute despise not our desires Thou hast seene our wayes Is 57.18 O doe thou heale us leade us allso and restore comforts unto us that wee may be called Trees of righteousnesse the planting of thee our Lord that thou mayst be glorified Wound us not Ier. 30.14 O father with the wound of an enemie with the chastisement of a cruel one for the multitude of our iniquities vers 15 Let not our sorrow be incurable because our sinnes be increased Though for a small moment thou hast seemed to forsake us Is 54.7 yet with thy greate mercies gather us againe vers 8. In aditle wrath thou doest hide thy face from us for a moment but with ever-lasting kindnesse have mercy upon us ô Lord our Redeemer O thou who art our Redeemer vers 5. Ps 34.15 Is 37.17 the Holy one of Israel the God of the whole earth Let thine eares be open unto our cryes open thine eyes and see our afflictions how wee are shut up from the comforts of the godly and from the societie of our indeared friends Ps 13.3 Consider and heare mee ô Lord my God lighten our eyes lest wee sleepe the sleepe of death Ps 123.2 Behould as the eyes of servants looke unto the hand of their masters and as the eyes of a mayden unto the hand of her mistresse so our eyes wayt upon thee ô Lord our God untill thou have mercy upon us O doe thou graunt unto us remisston of our sinnes patience in our miseries comfort in our distresse physick for our health and recoverie and in thy blessed time bring our soules out of prison Ps 142.7 that wee may give thanks unto thy name which thing if thou wilt graunt unto us then shall the righteous resort againe unto our companie Ps 79.13 So shall wee that be thy people and sheepe of thy pasture give thee thanks for ever and shew forth thy praise from generation to generation world with-out end Amen subject 15 THE FIFTEENTH SUBJECT Teares of her who is visited with the Pestilence being 1 Either wounded with a Sore 2 Or marked with the Tokens soliloquy 1 1. Teares of the visited being wounded with a Sore The Soliloquie THE EjACULATION Psal 5. vers 1. Give eare to my words ô Lord consider my meditation vers 2. Hearken unto the voyce of my cry my king and my God for unto thee will I pray OH 't is come 't is come Ps 55.4 My heart is sore pained within mee and the terrours of death are fallen upon mee See See What swelling's this What rising's this Oh it is the messenger of death and biddeth mee to enquire into my sinfull life I am struck oh I am struck to the heart This is the impression of anger and the blott of him who in his wrath may justly blott mee out of his wonted compassion Yet let mee not despaire let mee not be too much dismayd While there is life there is hope The woman in the law who had gone aside to another man in-steed of her husband whereof her husband was jealous Num. 5.20 and brought her to her purgation was to be charged by the Priest with an oath of cursing vers 21 vers 22 upon whose drinking of water her belly did swell and her thigh did rott Surely I have drunke none of that water or if I have it cannot hurt mee for by that very law vers 28 the innocent escaped free from the punishment I have never disbonoured my nuptiall bed nor defiled my selfe with any other man that this swelling should light upon mee Yet now I better consider of it let mee not deceave my selfe There is as well a spirituall as a carnall adulterie Even a virgin may be styled an adulteresse Have I never turned from my God Hath my soule never forsaken her deerest husband my blessed Redeemer to commit a spirituall whoredome O guiltie guiltie woe is mee I cannot choose but pleade guiltie to this my indictment My conscience telleth mee that I have followed the temptations of the enemies of Christ I cannot tell how often and justly therfore I must confesse may this swelling be my punishment for greater then this hath beene my due
1. King 14.18 Had not my husband beene King yet how should I forbeare the expence of a teare when death depriveth mee of the name of a wife Had hee not beene godly then the words of the Psalmist might peradventure have beene verified even of him Ps 27.15 His widow shall not weepe But ô hee was full of love and hee was truely religious for mine owne losse therfore must I freely weepe because my loving my religious husband is taken from mee Naomi requited the love of her daughters in law expressed to their dead husbands with a fervent prayer saying Ruth 1.8 The Lord deale kindly with you as yee have dealt with the dead and with mee vers 9. The Lord graunt that yee may find rest each of you in the house of her husband When the wife of Ezekiel was taken from him I doubt not but hee loved her so well that hee would have bemoaned her departure had not the Lord expressely charged him the contrarie Eze 24 16. But the Lord said unto him Sonne of man behold I take away from thee the desire of thine eyes with a stroake yet neither shalt thou mourne nor weepe neither shall thy teares runne downe Forbeare to cry vers 17 make noe mourning for the dead bind the tire of thine head upon thee and put on thy shooes upon thy feete and cover not thy lipps Surely his teares were not forbidden as if it were un-lawfull to lament the dead Noe it was onely because the Lord by that figne would shew that the calamitie of the Iewes should be beyond that sorrow which enforceth a weeping But what was Ezekiel's losse in comparison of mine Hee was a man and a Prophet set over his wife to be her instructer so was mine set over mee allso but there the scholler onely departed the wife here the very Oracle is ceased my husband is gone While hee was alive my knowledg was increased for if I would have learned any thing 1. Cor 14.15 1. Pet 3 7. I could aske him at home Hee dwelt with mee according to knowledg giving honour unto mee as to the weaker vessell and as being heires together of the grace of life Eph. 5.28 1. Tim. 5.8 so that our prayers were not hindered Hee loved mee even as his owne body hee provided both for mee and mine But now alas I may live in ignorance dis-respected and un provided for none will comfort mee none will helpe mee as did my husband that 's gone Act. 5.4 Though wicked Saphira had joyned with Ananias her husband in lying unto God concerning the sale of their possession vers 5. and her husband at the words of Saint Peter fell downe and gave up the ghost and was caried out by the young men vers 6. and buried yet shee lived not long enough either to bewayle his death or to consider of her losse Shee continued a widow but about three howers space vers 7. vers 10 and then fell downe at the Apostles feete and yeelded up the ghost Shee quickly followed her husband in death who joyned in the wickednesse with him in his life Shee hastened to the grave of her departed consort as if love had forbad her to survive her husband Yet it was not love but justice which made them lye together in the silent grave since they joyned together in a lye in their lives This alas was not a testimonie of her love so quickly to follow her husband to the land of darknesse Mee think's that I could be well contented to have dyed with my husband and to be layed in the grave by his frozen body but neither would I have sinne to be the cause nor judgment the effect Why then doe I so much lament his departure whose death was full of an assurance of life and whose hope was full of immortalitie Had Saphira survived her deceased husband but so long as to have beene sensible of the manner of his death it may be imagined that shee would have sighed her selfe to the grave and even griefe alone would have joyned them in the vault of darknesse and silence But God delayed not the punishment of her who obstinately persisted in the crime of her husband Here is yet some comfort for mee in my deepe calamitie that neither my husband was guilty of the sinne of Ananias nor yet did his death come so unexpected Why then should I grieve so much for the departure of him who is gone from hence to eternall rest Hee dyed in the Lord Reu 14 13. and I cannot therfore doubt but hee is assuredly blessed Hee resteth from his labours and his workes doe follow him Why then doe I shed such an aboundance of teares as if I either distrusted his happinesse or envyed his felicity My cause is not so greate if I rightly weigh it as to cause these floods to arise in mine eyes When I thinke upon him I have reason to rejoyce both because hee is freed as well from the tyrannie of sinne as from the miserie it produceth and allso because hee is at rest in my God If I consider my selfe allso mine affliction is not so greate nor my teares so just as I doe imagine for they will prove rather an argument of my distrust in God then of my love to my husband if I give them the freedome to flow beyond moderation Hee who lent mee him can send mee another yea such a one as may deserve as well and to whom my love may be as fervent If I have lost mine estate yet I have not lost my protectour unlesse I forsake him in my distrust If I complaine for want of the joy of societie even my very thoughts so they be religions will delight mee with their companie If I want an instructer my God will be my guide If I want a comforter my God will wipe these teares from mine eyes If I want either foode or sustenance for my body Prov 15.15 yet a good conscience will prove a continuall feast My losse is not so greate as ever was sustained if I compare it with those which others have soffered Naömie's affliction was greater then mine Ruth 1 3. when not onely her husband Elimelech but allso her two sonnes Mahlon and Chilion dyed and the woman was left of her two sonnes her husband at once 1. Sam. 4.11 It was worse by farre with the wife of Phinehar then it is with mee for her husband and his brother were both slaine in one day by the Amalekites yea and that in judgment too c 3.13 even because they made themselves vile and their father restrained them not When the newes came to her that the Arke of God was taken by the un-circumcised c 4.13 that ould Eli her father in law hearing the newes that the Arke was taken and that his sonnes were slaine vers 18 fell from the seate back-ward by the side of the gate and brake his neck and
dyed shee vers 19 poore soule being greate with child when the storie of these sad accidents was related unto her bowed her selfe and fell in travaile for her paines came upon her yea at length when shee was delivered of her Ichabod vers 21 she gave up the ghost Thus the Priests fell by the sword Ps 78.64 and noe widow was left to make lamentation True it is that my affliction is greate in the death of my husband yea so greate that herewith the slanderous enemie of the Psalmist was severely cursed Ps 109.9 Let his children be fatherlesse and his wife a widow yet is it farre better to see him goe downe to the grave in peace then that hee should have lingered in continuall miserie Ier 22.12 Shallum the sonne of Iosiah King of Iudah was caried captive by an enemie into another land and dyed there which the Prophet confidering speaketh and saith vers 10 Weepe not for the dead neither bemoane him but weepe for him that goëth away for hee shall returne noe more nor see his native countrie This might have beene the portion allso of my beloved but since it was not though my losse be greate yet must not my sorrow be too greate Immoderate griefe for those that are dead was the practise of heathens it becometh not the children of God The Israelites were forbidden it even by God himselfe who saith unto them Lev 19 28. Deut 14.1 Yee shall not make any cutting in your flesh for the dead nor print any markes upon you I am the Lord. And againe Yee are the children of the Lord your God yee shall not cut your selves nor make any baldnesse betweene your eyes for the dead The Gentiles indeede at the death of friends were so trans-ported with sorrow that they cut themselves Ier 16.6 made themselves bald in the greatnesse of their lamentations They carved their flesh and marked themselves for idolatrie yea they allso cut their skinnes when a friend deceased and the wounds they filled up with either Stibium or inke or what colour they pleased which remained in the flesh when the skinne was growne over In all their sorrowes such kinds of inscisions were ordinarie testimonies of the griefe of their hearts Ier 41.5 Thus the fowre score men that came from Shechem from Shiloh and from Samariah had their beards shaven and their clothes rent and they had cut themselves and had offerings and incense in their hands to bring to the house of the Lord. Thus when the Priests of Baall did call on the name of their Idoll 1. King 18.28 they cryed alowd and cut themselves after their manner with knives and lancers 'till the blood gushed out upon them Yet though it was the practise of the Gentiles it may not be of Christians nor might it be of the Israëlites they therfore punished it with many stripes And just it was that when their violent hands had un-naturally beene stained with the blood of their owne bodies the hand of justice should draw blood in the punishment of such a cruell offence The Iewes might not cut themselves at the death of a friend noe though of a father because they were not fatherlesse while the Lord was their God The infidells indeede had noe share in the most high and therfore were fatherlesse when their sires deceased but it was not so with Israel nor is it so with mee I have a father which is in heaven Mat 6.9 to whom my husband is gone before mee I have a husband too which is in heaven even the same who was a husband to Iudah and Israël I have a head too which is in heaven Ier 31.32 even my Saviour Christ Eph 5.23 who is the head of the Church I have a brother too which is in heaven even my elder brother Iesus Christ Why then should I grieve that my husband is dead since hee is but gone to the place where my treasure is layed up Mat. 6.20 and where my immortall father and head and brother have crowned him with immortalitie My God hath taken him that I may know where to find him Whilest hee continued upon earth his imployments did often deprive mee of his societie but now is hee seated in a place of rest to which when I come wee shall never be seperated Whilest hee was here my affection unto him indeede was greate and that was my duety but yet I feare that I offended in the excesse Had I not loved him too much I should not be immoderate in my sorrow but even by these teares I am taught the sinfullnesse of my passion For this sinne therfore will I strive to weepe even for the trespasse of my weeping I should never have beene so offensively sensible of this my losse nor so vaine in my laments if I had allways remembred that hee was created mortall and had therfore trusted in him who is immortall If I doe love my God more then I did my husband I shall find both comfort and content in his mercy Lord how fraile and weake am I that I cannot discharge the debt of nature but I must bring in question the power of grace I cannot grieve for the death of my departed husband without discovering some diffidence some distrust in my God But I will pray unto the Lord to for give the excesse of my love to my deceased husband the excesse of my teares for the death of my husband and to convert these teares into dropps of sorrow for my hainous offences To him will I hasten to him will I speedily addresse my selfe and mournfully will I cry and begge and pray and say The Prayer FAther of mercies and God of all consolation Ioa 11.25 vers 26 thou who art the resurrection and the life in whom whosoëver believeth shall live though hee were dead and in whom whosoëver liveth and believeth shall not die eternally send downe thy grace into my sinfull soule that I may magnifie thy name for delivering thy servant from the miseries of this life and for inthroning him in the celestiall â—erusalem where I doubt not but hee reigneth Thou knewest his sufferances and the sharpenesse of his sicknesse in mercy didst release him of his miserie to crowne him with glory Thy favours were infinite in his spirituall comforts when his body languished through the extreamitie of his disease By thy scourge thou taughtest him how thou abhorrest sinne yet I doubt not but thou hast freed him from the torments of hell through the sufferances of thy Sonne For thy goodnesse to him thy name be glorified and I humbly besiech thee to extend thy mercy likewise unto her who honoureth thee for it Thou knowest Lord the distresse of my soule for want of him whom thou hast taken from mee Thou seest mine affliction and thou numberest my teares O be gratious unto mee thine unworthy servant and send mee comfort in the midst of these sorrows Give mee grace
the wine and the other accustomed entertainments are given at each wee goe to the church for the consummation of each onely here is the difference that at the one wee rejoyce but at the other wee mourne Every guest that is willing to comply with the preâ—ent occasion must as well be sad at this as â—e merrie at the other Weepe wee may and weepe wee must especially my selfe who have â—ost my selfe But yet let mee take heede that I offend not in my teares lest that which is my duety be turned into a crime I must especially take heede that I erre not in the cause of these laments for if I griere at the happinesse of him that is departed I discover an envie rather then affection If I grieve for the losse which my selfe sustaineth I must take heede that I wrong not my confidence in God I may not offend in the number of my teares for if I weepe too much I may forfeit my hope or at least I may occasion those that behould mee to thinke that I doubt of the salvation of the dead Weepe I may and weepe I must but for feare lest I offend in these my teares in my earnest prayers I will begge that they may be sanctified To my God will I goe for his direction and assistance and in this storme of my teares I will shelter my selfe under his protection and humbly will I tender my petitions and say The Prayer O All-mighty and ever-living Lord God thou who knowest whereof wee are made Ps 103.14 and who remembrest that wee are but dust give mee grace I besiech thee to be thankfull unto thee for all thy mercies more particularly both for thy deliverance of my husband from the miseries of this life and for affording mee the meanes in peace to bring him to his longest home Lord so arme mee with patience in this time of affliction that I may not offend thee in my want or excesse of mourning Gen 3.19 Dust wee are and to dust wee shall returne From the earth wee came and to the earth wee must goe This way which thy servant must now be disposed of is the way wherein thou wilt one day leade mee allso to my rest O prepare mee for the time of my greate account Eccl 12 7. that so when my dust shall returne to the earth as it was my spirit may returne unto thee who didst give it Let his spectacle of mortality live in my memorie that so when I consider that the time will come that as naked as I came out of my mother's wombe Iob 1.21 so naked shall I thither returne againe I may wholly endeavour and seeke to be clothed with the righteousnesse of thy Sonne Rom 6 4. With him thou hast beene gratiously pleased that by baptisme I should be buried into death graunt allso good God that like as hee was raised up from the dead by the glory of thee the eternall Father even so I allso may walke in newnesse of life Make mee ever thinke upon death which will seize on mee judgment which will examine mee and hell which would devoure mee that heaven may receave mee Let this lifelesse carkeise put mee in mind of the malice of sinne which is the cause of death and of that sentence which immediatly followeth this death Thou seest ô Lord how unwilling I am to part from this frozen and earthie lumpe Thou knowest how deepe the departure of my joy doeth pierce and wound mine afflicted heart O be thou my comforter in this greatest sorrow Ps 119.96 that seeing now I see that all things doe certainly come to an end I may wholly endeavour to please thee alone who shalt never have end Is 50.3 O thou who cloathest the heavens with blacknesse and hast cloathed mee at this time who am but earth ashes with these mourning weedes graunt that by these I may be instructed to shunne the fraile and fading vanities of the earth and strive for that Kingdome which shall endure for ever Be pleased to speake peace to my troubled mind that so though nature hath power to enforce mee to weepe yet grace may prevaile to moderate my mourning Ps 106 9. Ps 104.9 O thou who diddest once rebuke the red sea that thy servants might passe through them as on drie land thou who hast set a bound to the seas that they may not passe over nor turne againe to cover the earth be pleased so to rebuke the waters of mine affliction and put such a bound to these my teares that they may not drowne this earth of my feeble body but may give place to confidence and comfort in thy mercy Ps 114.3 Iordane did yeeld to thy command was driven back so drive thou back the flood of my teares that they swell not above the bankes of moderation and hope Let the grave of the deceased put mee in mind of the tombe of my blessed Redeemer that so when I am bowed downe with sorrow at the buriall of this earth I may be raised with joy for the benefits of the resurrection of my Saviour Christ Hee hath plucked out the sting which sinne had formerly given unto death 1. Cor. 15.56 vers 57 ô let mee ever be thankfull unto thee my God who givest us victorie through Iesus Christ. Give mee an assured beliefe of the generall resurrection that when I grieve at the placing of this flesh in the grave I may rejoyce in the certaintie of his rising againe Ps 25.17 Though the troubles of my heart be now enlarged yet bring thou mee out of all my feares Ps 94.19 In the midst of the sorrowes which I have in my heart let thy comforts ô God refresh my soule Lord make mee dye to sinne and live by grace that when I shall put off this tabernacle of flesh I may dwell with thee in those eternall mansions of perfect happinesse through Iesus Christ my Lord and onely Saviour Amen subject 21 THE TWENTIE-FIRST SUBjECT Teares of a woman in the state of widow-hood The Soliloquie THE EjACULATION Psal 5. vers 1. Give eare to my words ô Lord consider my meditation vers 2. Hearken unto the voyce of my cry my king and my God for unto thee will I pray BEcause Ierusalem had forsaken the Lord was was gone backward Ier 15.6 vers 8. Therfore sayd my God their widowes are increased to mee above the sand of the seas vers 6. Hee who was wearie of repenting was not wearie of destroying and yet the judgments which fell upon the Iewes were easier to the stronger then to the weaker sexe The males had a period set to their earthly troubles when the sword devoured them but the poore females were left alive destitute both of the comfort and societie of their husbands Death is a judgment mixed often with mercy because it finisheth our earthly sufferances whereas a life that is lead in continued sorrowes is so much the more burdensome
mind Though I have lost my husband yet still I have my God Hee is and will be mine so long as I remaine and continue his What though I misse my head my deceased Lord my dead husband in every place What though hee sitteth not with mee at the table and therfore I sigh What though I find a misse of him in my sole and single life and therfore I grieve What though I want him to instruct mee in the wayes of goodnesse and to provide for the affaires allso concerning this life and therfore mourne I may be pensive in the remembrance of him whom I loved and I may lament the losse of my instructer and my comforter but if I grieve too much I shall but discover that there was folly in my love and that there is dispaire in my teares Hee was not mine but God's and with him hee liveth It must be my comfort that hee lived so well while hee was upon earth that I may hope assuredly that hee 's a saint in heaven and it must be my confidence that hee is onely gone a litle before to that place of happinesse whither I shall follow him Hee who lent mee him can furnish mee with another or else give mee content with this single life Hee was not my choyce but God's If I ponder upon my losse with sorrow and griefe I must yet thinke upon his advantage with joy and content I will therfore reverence his memorie without too many sobbs and I will be thankfull to my God because hee once did lend mee so good a directour I will by his blessing live a widow with content and quietnesse untill hee shall be pleased either to call mee againe to the state of wedlock or else free mee from this sinfull and troublsome world If I marrie noe more the greater command shall I reteine of my selfe I am now at libertie to employ my time in religious dueties whereas if I were wedded to an un-godly man even my religion it selfe without the mercy of my God might receave some prejudice But if the Lord shall be pleased to bring mee againe into obedience to another I will besiech him so to direct mee in my choyce that I may marry in the Lord. I will not rashly attempt so weighty a matter but with my prayers and teares I will begge of the Lord to guide and direct mee Thus that I may live in the love of my God and that hee may allways overshadow mee with his blessings Ier. 31.32 and be a husband unto mee as hee promised to be unto Iudah and Israël I will humble my selfe at his foote-stoole and pray unto him and say The Prayer BLessed God thou who once didst promise to the barren church of the Gentiles that thou wouldest be unto her both a Redeemer and a husband Is 54.5 be pleased to looke upon the low estate of a pensive widow Thou knowest how irksome and full of forrowes this solitarie life is thou viewest my sad and dis-consolate condition O be thou unto mee both a husband and a comforter that in the multitude of my sorrowes which I have in my heart thy comforts ô Lord Ps 94.19 may refresh my soule It is thy promise that Prov. 15.25 though thou wilt destroy the house of the proude yet thou wilt establish the border of the widow Though the wicked doe noe good to the widow Iob. 24.21 yea though they stay the widow and murder the fatherlesse Ps 94.6 Ps 68.5 yet thou thy selfe hast promised that thou wilt be a father to the fatherlesse and defend the cause of the widow even thou ô God who dwellest in thine holy habitations Iob. 22.9 O send not then a poore and distressed widow away emptie but be pleased to be my Gâ—… my guide and my counsellour Make mee 〈◊〉 honour thee in all my wayes to rely upon thee iâ— all my sorrowes to sue unto thee in all mâ— wants Eph. 4.24 Ps 89.22 and firmely to be wedded unto thee 〈◊〉 righteousnesse and true holinesse Let not thâ— oppressour exact upon mee nor the Sonne 〈◊〉 wickednesse doe mee harme but doe thoâ— allways preserve mee under the shadow of thy wings Be thou my directour in all my wayes that whether I shall continue in this stated of widow-hood or be ordered by thee to change my condition and be joyned againe in holy wedlock I may sue for thy counsell and be seconded with thy blessing But so long as I shall leade this single life let mee remaine contented Lu. 2.37 and make mee like Anna the Prophetesse not departing from thy temple but serving thee my God with fasting and prayer night and day Be thou unto mee in a more excellent manner then was Iob unto the widowes causing my heart to sing for joy Iob. 29.13 that so though mine afflictions are many and my desolate condition be full of perturbations and anxious thoughts yet I may so cleave unto thee that I may have comfort in thee whilest I live upon earth and be hereafter admitted into the societie of thy saints and Angells there to reigne with thee world without end through Iesus Christ my onely Lord and Saviour Amen subject 22 THE TWENTIE-SECOND SUBjECT Teares of an Orphane at the death of her father The Soliloquie THE EjACULATION Psal 5. vers 1. Give eare to my words o Lord consider my meditation vers 2. Hearken unto the voice of my cry my king and my God for unto thee will I pray AMong other abominations which Ierusalem was guiltie of it was not the least that In her had they set light by father and mother Eze. 22 7. But could there live such people as neglect their parents Could nature become so silent in children that they should forget the honour due to progeâ—itours Surely if even affection inhabited the breast of a Christian it needes must dwell in the heart of a child and point to the fathers that did beget him Alas I feele a desire of expressing such an affection which I would be as readie to manifest in reall expression but ay mee the object of 〈◊〉 love and my duety is snatched from mee Oâ— hee that begat mee is dead hee that tooke caâ— to breede mee hee that supplyed my wants bâ— that instructed mee in religion hee that defenâ—… mee from injuries hee whose labour indstrie was chiefely imployed for the good of mee his boloved child Prov. 4 3. I was oh I may say I was my father's child tender and onely beloved of my mother But now where ô where is that man of affection Where is that father who so earnestly loved mee who so deerely affectâ— mee Sick hee was dead hee is But was my duety to him correspondent any way to his care of mee Did I endeavour to requite his love by my service Gen 48 1. obedience Did I visit him in his sicknesse as Ioseph did his dying father When one could him saying Behold thy father iâ— sick hee
forgotten the tye and bond of nature and in his life had hee turned his love into hatred yet his fault ought not to have lessened my love to which both nature and religion did strongly oblige mee Had hee loved mee but coldly and faintly as diverse doe yet I ought to have warmed his affection with the fervency of mine But oh hee deerely loved hee cordâ—ally affected mee and yet his love and his affection could not prolong his life There was a time when Moses was in the Mount and while hee was receaving the written lawes of our glorious Maker the Israëlites in his absence worshipped a Calfe insteed of the law-giver But when Moses returned hee was so wrath with the people that for so greate an offence against the law of God hee decreed a revenge against the law of nature yet was not that revenge provoked by a private and â—n-warranted fury but commanded by God for so hee speaketh to the sonnes of Levi and telleth them Ex 32.27 Thus saith the Lord God of Israël Put every man hissword by his side goe in and out from gate to gate through out the campe and slay every man his brother every man his companion and every man his neighbour Neighbours might be neere in habitation yet not in affection theÌ„ the sword would devoure greedily Companions might love in a superficiall manner yet not in the heart and then the sword might wound with freedome though perhaps not with desire yea and such contentions might arise in companie that the sword might execute at the selfe same time as well a private as the publike revenge But that a brother should slay a brother a brother more strongly allyed by spirit then flesh a brother whose veines did swell with the selse-same blood as his that executed him ô this mee think's did seeme very cruell But let mee not erre in my forward censure there can be noe true affection where there is not religion If a brother offend if a brother transgresse the lawes of God religion will pleade to silence nature when hee who is to be beloved above before all shall require our justice even against our brethreÌ„ Alas what a sad time was it with those idolaters when the punishment did appeare as full of terrour in the actors as the sufferers Yea it seemed easier to dye by the hand of a brother then to live to remember the brethren they had slaine Had my brother and I beene idolaters together I might have believed that that sinne had slaine my brother But as our love was constant so our religion was undefiled yea the strength of our love was founded on the puritie of our religion and yet hee hath payed his debt to nature Is 19.2 The Lord did threaten to set the Egyptians against the Egyptians and that they should sight every one against his brother Those Egyptians were heathens and enemies to the church but mybrother and I were united both in the profession and the love of Christianitie and yet through our finnes I feare that even wee destroy each other My sinnes are partly punished in his death and his death hath given mee so deepe a wound that peradventure I shall not long survive him Our love was so entire that mee think's I could willingly sleepe with him in his grave for while I live my breast is but his walking monument Such love as ours did not allwayes possesse the hearts of some as neerely allyed which maketh mee sigh to thinke that ever there were any which had layen successively in the selfe same wombe and yet did not joyne in the unitie of affection Such there have beene I must believe it because I find it in the sacred text Yet when I reade it mee think's I have a thriling in my blood and a kind of holy revengâ— burning in my heart against those who dishonoured the name of a brother There was a time when the Iewes were so wicked that the Prophet was faine to advise them saying Take yee heede every one of his neighbour Ier. 9.4 and trust yee not in any brother for every brother will supplant and every neighbour will walke with slanders And there was a time when the Church complaining of her small increase cryed out in bitternesse and sayd The good man is perished out of the earth Mich 7 2. there is none upright among men They all lye in wayte for blood they hunt every man his brother with a nett Mee think 's the advice of the Prophet may in some measure concerne my selfe for I am taught not to trust in any brother since hee whom I loved hath now forsaken mee Mee think 's the complaint of the Church may be part of an Elegie upon my deceased brother for with her I may cry out and that justly too The good man is perished out of the earth But neither can I say that hee was a Iew in supplanting or an enemie to the Church lying in wayte for blood What secret devill did guide both the tongue and the hand of Ioab when under the collour of friendship hee asked Amasa 2. Sam. 20.9 Art thou in health my brother And tooke him by the beard with the right hand to kisse him yet even at that time some him with his sword in the fifth ribb and shed out his bowells to the ground that hee dyed vers 10 What cursed fiend did guide the tongue of that wicked miscreant whom the Psalmist chargeth thus and saith Ps 50.20 Thou sittest and speakest against thy brother thou slanderest thine owne mothers sonne Had my brother either supplanted mee or hunted mee with a nett or sought to slay mee or slandered mee with his tongue then I might peradventure have saved this greate expence of my teares But hee was allways so good a brother that I could never justly charge him with the least discourtesie O noe Ps 55.14 wee tooke sweete counsell together and walked unto the house of God in companie I may say of him as Nehemiah spake of Hanani the ruler of the pallace Neh 7.2 Hee was a faithfull man and feared God above many His blood was neere to mee but his soule was neerer His person I loved as I was prompted to it by nature but his inner man I more zealously affected to which I was allured by his gracious endowments Such a one in some measure hee was as my Redeemer himselfe did style his brother Mat 12 49. vers 50. when hee stretched forth his hand towards his disciples and sayd Behold my mother and my brethren for whosoëver shall doe the will of my father which is in heaven the same is my brother and sister and mother And yet though thus hee was my counseller though thus hee was my companion in the wayes of godlinesse though thus faithfull hee was and feared God above many labouring to doe the will of him that sent my Redcemer yet neither his counsell nor his society nor his
set it forth from day to day Ps 96.2 part 2 The Second part of the Soliloquie wherein is set forth the certaintie of Death A Braham is dead the Prophets are dead and my Saviour Christ sayd Io 8.52 If a man keepe my sayings hee shall never tast of death At this the Iewes were very much stumbled and mee think 's they had some collour for their contention about it For if Abraham were dead Rom. 4 11. Iam 2.23 Gen 22 18. Lu 1.70 who was the father of the faithfull who was the friend of God hee in whose seede all the nations of the earth were promised a blessing because hee obeyed the voyce of the Lord And if the Prophets were allso dead those holy Prophets which have beene since the world began and by whom the Lord did reveale his pleasure unto the people If all these were dead well might the Iewes wonder when our Saviour said If a man keepe my saying hee shall never tast of death Well indeede they might wonder for ignorance is the cause of all our merveiles Did wee but know a certaine reason for every event wee should never wonder at that which happeneth but wee should magnifie the first greatest cause which is God The Iewes wondered because they were ignorant and supposed that our Saviour had spoken of a temporall death whereas hee meant that which is eternall True it is that the temporall death is an effect and fruit of the first sinne but eternall death is the punishment of impenitencie and infidelitie for those who both can and truely doe repent neither can nor shall be lyable to an eternall death Nay dye they cannot in any kind for this which wee call a death shall be to them but a deliverance and that death which is a perpetuall living death in the land of darknesse they shall be certainly freed from by the blood of the Sonne of God Yet this passage this sweete change in the godly and allso this gate which openeth to the ungodly the way to eternall woe the Scripture doeth commonly tearme a death this death cannot possibly be avoyded by the children of Adam Heb. 9.27 for it is appointed unto men once to dye 'T is true 't is true indeede I am ready to find it verefied in my selfe for the harbingers of this death have taken up my body where it intendeth to lodg The weakenesse of my limbs and the faintnesse of my spirits and the shortnesse of my breath and the lownesse of my voyce and the palenesse of my cheekes and the hollownesse of mine eyes all these doe but assure mee of the approaches of this death But is there noe resistance Is there noe reversing of the decree Noe repealing of the statute Alas noe none at all This body which hath beene pampered with the delicacie of meates must now be slaughtered and make a feast for the wormes These bones which have layen upon the beds of ease must become as tables for the loathsome vermine And this skinne this prowde skinne which hath stollen so much time to imploy in the suppling and colouring and smoothing and covering of it must serve like a cloath spread on these tables whereon must be presented this collation for the wormes Short is my life fleeting are my dayes and my winged minuits fly with such speede that I caâ— hardly count them so fast as they consume Wheâ— I enjoyed the most sound and beloved health even then the shortnesse of my life was discovered in my breath for I was intrusted onely with a litle ayer which neither was in my power long to keepe nor long without it could I possiblie continue I was so false in my promises which I made unto my God that hee would not trust mee long with the keepng but of a litle of that element I have allways lâ—ved at the brinke of death and yet never seriously enough thought of that which now is ready to approach I never thought indeede of the hower of my death by a due preparation to entertaine it when it should come Nay I fondly imagined that it must of necessitie keepe the roade of diseases sicknesse whereas it might have hastened by wayes un-expected When I was healthfull I grew so proude that I imagined certainly it either could not or durst not assayle my body and yet when I was afflicted with the smallest paine then againe I was so cowardly dejected that I was afraid it hastened by each part and member When I smarted I was taken off from my pride but the cure of that sinne was an immoderate and a slavish feare But now I am well assured that neither strength nor youth nor beauty nor physick nor any thing else can secure our bodies from returning to the earth True it is that the dead know not any thing Eccl 6.5 neither have they any more a reward for the memorie of them is forgotten but the living know that they shall dye c 8.8 There is noe man that hath power over the spirit to reteine the spirit neither hath hee power in the day of death Wherfore then have 〈◊〉 so long lived in ignorance or forgetfullnesse of mine end If I had remembred it I would have fitted and prepared mine accounts against the time it should come If I had knowne it I would have laboured to have made the judge my friend But ô I forgot it for I increased my sinnes and thought not of the debt I was ignorant too and knew not the terribloesse of the Iudg. Now mee think's these cold and clammie sweats doe chiefely arise from my chiding conscience and from the convulsions which there I suffer through the guilt of my sinnes I never was so carelesse or ignorant of death as I now am certaine of it yet afraid to dye Eccl 12.7 Iob. 30.23 Now I am sensible that my dust shall returne to the earth as it was I know that the Lord will bring mee to death to the house appointed for all the living Die say I Yes But must I dye Yes But when That I know not many dayes or howers I cannot expect to live who am allready pined into the leanenesse of an Anatomie But where must I dye That I know not neither even in this bed it is most likely where I now lye languishing in the torments of my disease But how or by what meanes must I dye Nor can I tell that allthough this sicknesse seemeth to be dispatched hither for this very purpose But if it be so sure that dye I must is it likewise as sure to what place I shall goe O this question is the common troubler of the dying There are but two havens where soules can arrive the one is the holy land the new Ierusalem the haven of eternall happinesse the other is a land too but it is a land of darknesse a land of smoakes and stinkes a place of eternall horrour To the former the godly are wafted by a convoy of
makest sick in smiting by reason of my sinnes yet in considence and full assurance of thy mercy I commit the keeping of my soule unto thee as unto a faithfull Creatour O let that live and it shall praise thee for in thee doe I trust let mee not be confounded neither let mee despaire of the greatnesse of thy mercies Ps 23.4 And though now I walke in the shadow of death yet I know that it is in thy power to restore mee to health Lord if it may stand with thy secret will be pleased to recover mee that I may glorifie thy goodnesse in thy worke of power Blesse all the lawfull meanes that shall be used for that purpose Give skill to the Physitians vertue to the medicines strength to my spirits and health to my body Let mee recover my strength that I may imploy it in thy service and restore mee to health that I may be more active in mine obedience to all thy commandements But if otherwise thou hast determined and resolvest at this time to make mee as water spilt upon the ground 2. Sam. 14.14 graunt mee a willing and ready submission to thy decree Either abate the torments of mine afflicted body or increase my patience that I may not offend thee in my sufferings Make mee to magnifie thee whether by life or by death and graunt mee so safe a passage and conduct in the armes of thy mercy that I may be conveyed safely into Abraham's bosome Graunt this ô father for the love and merits of thy Sonne Iesus Christ my onely intercessour and redeemer in whose name words I farther call upon thee saying Our Father which art in heaven Hallowed be thy name Thy Kingdome come Thy will be done in earth as it is in heaven Give us this day our dayly bread And forgive us our trespasses as wee forgive them that trespasse against us leade us not into temptation but deliver us from evill for thine is the Kingdome the power and the glory for ever and ever Amen exercise 4 4. The consolation of the godly in the hower of death VVHerfore is light given to him that is in miserie saith holy Iob and life unto the bitter in soule Iob. 3.20 vers 21 Which long for death but it cometh not and digge for it more then for hid treasures vers 22 Which rejoyce exceedingly and are glad when they can find the grave This was the complaint of a faithfull man and may now be the lamentation of a sorrowfull woman I have grieved and I have mourned for my sinnes and my good God I blesse him for it is gratiously pleased in the bowells of his mercy and compassion to give mee an assurance of happinesse by the merits of my Iesus But when comest thou ô my sweete my longed for my desired Saviour Thou knowest my paines which draw from mee many sinsull thoughts and un-fitting cryes Thou takest notice of the cunning suggestions of my greatest adversarie and his busie allurements to rob mee of my hope Thou seest how sometimes hee would leade mee into carnall securitie and sometimes into a beliefe that my verie vicet are vertues or not seene by Thee or not to be punished by thee and sometimes againe hee striveth to hurrie mee into the verie gulfe of despaire But I know and am assured that through the merits of my Redeemer the gates of hell shall not be able to prevaile against mee Mat. 16 18. Io 13.1 Prov. 12.28 for whom thou lovest thou wilt love unto the end I know that in the way of righteousnesse there is life and in the path-way thereof there is noe death Hence away therfore yee fowle fiends and rebellious tempters What doe yee here fawning and grinning hoping to betray a penitent soule These teares which I shed for the wounds that I made in the body of my Saviour by my piercing sinns are too pretious a water for you to hath in too choyce a wine for you to tast of here are noe hopes for the enemies of mine indulgent Iesus Though my groanes alas cannot be free from the pollution of sinne yet they shall not advantage you in what yee desire Ps 119.115 Away from mee yee wicked ones I will keepe the commandements of my God Thinke not to affright mee with my approaching death Phil. 1.23 for I desire to be dissolved and to be with Christ Death I feare thee not come come and trye thy power but know that thy countenance which is so terrible to reprobates is the producer of joy comfort to my wearied heart Thou poore feeble despised nothing what power or strength is left thee to boast of Grave why gapest thou why standest thou so open as if thou didst hope to tryumph Hos 13 14. and conquer mee My Christ did threaten to be thy plagues ô death my Iesus did resolve to be thy destruction ô grave and that repentance should be hid from his eyes Is 25.8 1 Cor 15.54 Hee promised to swallow up death in victorie and to wipe away teares from off all faces This hee did promise and this hee hath performed for by his blessed Apostle I am well assured that death it selfe is swallowed up in victorie Now I dare challenge you ô yee impotent and powerlesse adversaries I dare scorne vers 55 and contemne you O death where is thy sting O grave where is thy victorie Thy sting ô death was pullud out by him who is the Lord of life The strength of thy sting was that law which was fullfilled by my mercifull Iesus Hos 13 14. Ps 49.15 Rom 14.9 Hee hee hath ransomed mee from the power of the grave hath redeemed mee from death Hee hath redeemed my soule from the power of hell for hee shall receave mee To this end hee dyed and rose againe re-vived that hee might be Lord both of the dead and of the living Ps 68.20 Ps 48.14 Rom 14 7. vers 8. Hee that is my God is the God of salvation unto whom belong the issues from death This God is my God for ever and ever hee shall be my guide even unto death I live not to my selfe nor doe I dye unto my selfe for whether I live I live unto the Lord whether I dye I dye unto the Lord whether I live therfore Phil 1.20 or dye I am the Lord 's Christ shall be magnified in my body whether it be by life or by death for to mee to live is Christ vers 21 Heb. 12 18. vers 22 vers 23 vers 24 and to dye is gaine I come not to the mount that might not be touched nor to blacknesse and darknesse and tempest but I come unto mount Sion to the generall assemblie and â—rch of the first-borne which are written in heaven and to God the judg of all and to the spirits of just men made perfect and to Iesus the Mediatour of the new covenant and to the blood of sprinkling that
I am strongly assured that shortly even presently Ps 36.9 in thy light in thy Kingdome whereof thou thy selfe art the light Reu 21 23. Eccl. 7.1 I shall see light Now doe I with heavenly comfort assure my selfe that the day of death is better farre better then the day of my birth for I was borne to sinne Ps 23.4 but I dye to reigne Now though I walke through the valley of the shadow of death I can feare noe evill for thou art with mee thy rod and thy staffe thy comfort mee VVhat though I am counted with them that goe downe to the pit Ps 88.4 andam as a man that hath noe strength Iob. 17 1. VVhat though my breath be corrupt though my spirit be spent though my dayes be extinct and though the graves be ready for mee vers 13 VVhat though the grave be mine house and presently I shall make my bed in the darknesse VVhat though corruption vers 16 and the worme shall goe downe to the barrs of the pit and our rest shall be together in the dust VVhat though death be come up into my windowes into mine eyes Ier. 9.21 Ps 107 18. and be entered into the tabernacle of my body VVhat though my soule abhorreth all manner of meate and I draw necre unto the gates of death VVhat though my heart be sore pained within mee Ps 55.4 Ps 44.17 and the terrours of death be fallen upon mee Yet though all this be come upon mee I will not forget thee o my God neither will I deale falsly in thy covenant vers 18 My heart shall not be turned back neither shall my stepps decline from thy way noe vers 19 though thou hast sore broken mee in the place of dragons and doest cover mee with the shadow of death I am goeing now the way of all the earth Ios 23.14 and doe know in my heart and in my soule that not one thing shall faile mee which the Lord my God hath promised to his elect Now am I joyfully goeing to the gates of the grave Is 38.10 I am deprived of the residue of my yeares vers 11 vers 12 I shall behold man noe more with the inhabitants of the earth Mine age is departed and is removed from mee even as a shep-heard's tent But yet Lord Ps 39.7 what is my hope Truely my hope is even in thee I shall speedily depart then shall I joyfully be freed from sinne Mat 26 38. The soule of my Redeemer was exceeding sorrowfull even unto death and all for my sake as well as for others that I might now be joyfull and rejoyce unto life Mee think 's that voyce from heaven which was heard by the Apostle is now sounding in mine eares and saying Reu. 14 13. Blessed are the dead which dye in the Lord from hence forth yea faith the spirit that they may rest from their labours and their workes doe follow them Mee think's I find the words of the Psalmist full of truth and comfort Ps 116.15 that Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints O now mee think's like that blessed martyr Saint Stephen looking up to the heavens I see thâ—… open Act 7.55 Ps 31.5 and the glory of God and my Iesus staâ— ding on the right hand of his father I come Lord I come Into thy hands I commend my spirit for thou hast redeemed mee ô Lord thâ—… God of truth Take mee into thine armes ô God Act. 7.59 Convey mee to thy Kingdome ô Christ Lord Iesus receave my spirit Amen subject 27 The TWENTIE-SEAVENTH SUBJECT Teares in the distressed time of civill warrs The Soliloquie containing a patheticall and grievous lamentation for the present distractions both in the Church Common-wealth by reason of these cruell most bloody warrs THE EjACULATION Psal 5. vers 1. Give eare to my words ô Lord consider my meditation vers 2. Hearken unto the voyce of my cry my king and my God for unto thee will I pray SHall a trumpet be blowne in the city and the people not be afraid Amos. 3.6 Saith the Lord by the mouth of his holy Prophet A trumpet Why Lev. 25 9. Is that so dreadfull So terribleâ— I find that a trumpet of Iubilee was appointedâ— be sounded in the day of atonement throughout 〈◊〉 the land of promise when the Israelitâ— should come into it and certainly wheâ— that trumpet sounded the people rejoyced 〈◊〉 were not afraid Yea but the Lord called not to rejoycing and Iubilees when he threatned Israel by the mouth of that Prophe who was among the herdmen of Tekoa Amos. 1.1 The first sound of a trumpet that ever was heard as the Scriptures mention was a cause of trembling Ex. 19.14.15 for the third day after Mosâ— went downe from the Mount unto the people vers 16 in the morning there were thunders anâ— lightnings and a thick clowde upon the mount and the voice of the trumpet exceeding lowd so that all the people that were in the campe trembled Yea they so trembled and were so afraid when they saw the thunderings c. 20.18 and the lightâ— nings and the noise of the trumpet and the mountaine smoaking that they removed and stood a farre off vers 19 and said unto Moses Speake thou with us and wee will heare but let not God speake with us lest wee die This was the first sound of a trumpet that ever was heard and I find that this was a cause of trembling Againe I reade that the trumpet was ordained for the sounding an all arme Num. 10.5 and that o that is it which now sound 's in our eares Nothing but a point of warre nothing but newes of firâ— and fword is heard among us The â—…umpets the trumpets oh they sound they â—…nd a shrill and horrid dinne a fearfull â—…se they make in our eares and our newâ—…ced cities and our new-fortified townes â—…e encompassed as once Iericho was when â—…e trumpets of rams-hornes were blowne by â—…e priests and the people showted Ios 6 8. vers 16 Surely that â—…ay is come upon us which the Lord threatâ—…ed Ierusalem with by the mouth of his Proâ—…het for the mighty man cryeth bitterly Zeph. 1 14. vers 15 the â—…y of wrath is come upon us the day of trouble â—…d distresse the day of wastnesse and desolaâ—…on the day of darknesse and gloominesse the â—ay of cloudes and thick darknesse vers 16 the day of the â—rumpet and all-arme against the fenced cities â—nd against the high towers vers 17 Distresse is come â—pon us that we walke like blind men because we have sinned against the Lord and our blood is â—owred out as dust and our flesh is as the dung Oh that is fallen upon us which was threatâ—…ed to Egypt Our land is watered with blood Eze 32 6. wherein wee doe swimme even to the mounâ—aines and