be_v a_o temptation_n and_o present_o to_o run_v to_o jesus_n christ_n for_o succour_n and_o relief_n and_o to_o apply_v the_o promise_n unto_o my_o soul_n and_o i_o quick_o find_v comfort_n and_o be_v soon_o free_v from_o temptation_n but_o in_o this_o my_o prosperity_n i_o be_v ready_a to_o say_v i_o shall_v never_o be_v remove_v i_o begin_v to_o think_v i_o shall_v never_o be_v in_o adversity_n and_o sometime_o i_o be_v ready_a to_o question_v whether_o i_o be_v one_o of_o god_n child_n because_o i_o have_v no_o affliction_n i_o think_v god_n do_v not_o love_v i_o because_o he_o do_v not_o chasten_v i_o i_o think_v i_o can_v bear_v any_o thing_n he_o shall_v lay_v upon_o i_o as_o i_o value_v not_o life_n so_o i_o fear_v not_o death_n i_o think_v i_o can_v free_o and_o willing_o lay_v down_o my_o life_n for_o christ_n if_o i_o be_v call_v to_o it_o but_o this_o joyful_a lively_a active_a frame_n of_o spirit_n do_v not_o long_o continue_v in_o about_o a_o quarter_n of_o a_o year_n 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16._o because_o thou_o be_v neither_o hot_a nor_o cold_a i_o will_v spew_v thou_o out_o of_o my_o mouth_n i_o be_v much_o sensible_a of_o my_o backslide_n fear_v i_o shall_v turn_v apostate_n have_v not_o that_o sweet_a promise_v interpose_v i_o will_v heal_v their_o backslide_n and_o love_v they_o free_o i_o have_v be_v certain_o swallow_v up_o in_o despair_n satan_n that_o roar_a lion_n come_v upon_o i_o very_o fierce_o but_o that_o scripture_n be_v very_o comfortable_a to_o i_o i_o will_v put_v my_o fear_n into_o their_o heart_n and_o my_o spirit_n into_o their_o inward_a part_n and_o they_o shall_v never_o depart_v from_o i_o and_o who_o he_o love_v he_o love_v to_o the_o end_n and_o he_o that_o have_v begin_v a_o good_a work_n will_v perform_v it_o unto_o the_o day_n of_o jesus_n christ_n and_o faithful_a be_v he_o that_o have_v call_v you_o who_o will_v also_o do_v it_o these_o and_o other_o scripture_n do_v support_v i_o but_o i_o can_v not_o attain_v to_o my_o former_a lively_a 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also_o psal_n 73._o 25._o my_o flesh_n and_o my_o heart_n fail_v but_o god_n be_v the_o strength_n of_o my_o heart_n and_o my_o portion_n for_o ever_o so_o psal_n 43._o 5._o why_o be_v thou_o cast_v down_o o_o my_o soul_n why_o be_v thou_o disquiet_v within_o i_o hope_v thou_o in_o god_n for_o i_o shall_v yet_o praise_v he_o who_o be_v the_o health_n of_o my_o countenance_n and_o my_o god_n these_o and_o many_o other_o promise_v be_v my_o support_n in_o the_o day_n of_o my_o distress_n i_o have_v then_o such_o assurance_n of_o god_n goodness_n and_o love_n to_o i_o and_o of_o the_o pardon_n of_o my_o sin_n and_o of_o my_o interest_n in_o christ_n that_o i_o long_v for_o death_n and_o can_v not_o bear_v the_o thought_n of_o live_v any_o long_o i_o have_v such_o fore-tastes_a of_o heaven_n that_o i_o care_v not_o for_o the_o earth_n i_o earnest_o desire_v to_o be_v dissolve_v and_o to_o be_v with_o christ_n which_o be_v best_a of_o all_o i_o think_v if_o i_o shall_v live_v any_o long_a i_o shall_v but_o sin_n against_o god_n and_o that_o i_o can_v not_o glorify_v he_o in_o my_o life_n as_o i_o desire_v i_o think_v if_o he_o shall_v restore_v i_o i_o shall_v not_o be_v enable_v to_o walk_v answerable_o to_o so_o great_a a_o mercy_n these_o and_o other_o such_o reason_n make_v i_o impatient_a of_o life_n and_o long_o for_o death_n i_o be_v angry_a with_o any_o that_o pray_v for_o my_o life_n i_o now_o fear_v that_o i_o do_v sin_n in_o be_v so_o desirous_a of_o death_n and_o not_o submit_v my_o will_n to_o the_o will_n of_o god_n to_o be_v at_o his_o disposal_n whether_o for_o death_n or_o life_n so_o it_o please_v the_o lord_n after_o a_o long_a and_o tedious_a sickness_n to_o raise_v i_o up_o from_o the_o very_a gate_n of_o death_n this_o be_v look_v upon_o as_o almost_o a_o resurrection_n from_o the_o dead_a for_o which_o great_a deliverance_n i_o can_v never_o be_v sufficient_o thankful_a and_o because_o i_o so_o much_o desire_v to_o die_v i_o do_v not_o prize_v my_o life_n and_o this_o deliverance_n as_o i_o shall_v have_v do_v neither_o do_v i_o render_v to_o the_o lord_n according_a to_o the_o mercy_n i_o receive_v from_o he_o i_o desire_v now_o to_o be_v true_o thankful_a to_o the_o lord_n for_o all_o his_o mercy_n and_o to_o show_v forth_o my_o thankfulness_n by_o walk_v more_o close_o with_o he_o all_o the_o day_n of_o my_o life_n the_o follow_a encourage_v consideration_n among_o other_o be_v collect_v by_o he_o out_o of_o several_a book_n and_o sermon_n and_o be_v print_v from_o his_o own_o paper_n in_o hope_n of_o be_v useful_a for_o the_o support_n of_o other_o i._o thou_o that_o complain_v of_o a_o hard_a heart_n and_o fain_o will_v mourn_v for_o thy_o sin_n to_o thou_o i_o say_v be_v not_o discourage_v thy_o hardness_n fear_v and_o feel_v be_v not_o the_o plague_n of_o hardness_n it_o be_v the_o disease_n indeed_o of_o the_o heart_n but_o it_o be_v not_o the_o curse_n it_o shall_v not_o destroy_v thou_o thou_o may_v be_v comfort_v under_o hardness_n feel_v and_o bewail_v and_o pray_v against_o true_a tenderness_n about_o sin_n be_v always_o accompany_v with_o dislike_n and_o hatred_n against_o sin_n and_o with_o watch_v and_o strive_v against_o it_o if_o thou_o have_v so_o much_o tenderness_n bless_v god_n and_o be_v thankful_a ii_o there_o be_v no_o instance_n can_v be_v give_v of_o a_o soul_n utter_o for_o saken_a of_o god_n that_o can_v mourn_v for_o the_o want_n of_o his_o presence_n if_o god_n love_n be_v precious_a to_o thou_o and_o most_o desirable_a be_v
righteousness_n be_v more_o satisfactory_a and_o please_a unto_o god_n than_o all_o the_o sinner_n wickedness_n be_v injurious_a and_o displease_v to_o he_o o_o this_o be_v a_o very_a sweet_a and_o comfortable_a consideration_n indeed_o there_o be_v no_o such_o evil_a in_o sin_n to_o damn_v thou_o as_o there_o be_v merit_n in_o christ_n blood_n to_o save_v thou_o ix_o to_o despair_v of_o mercy_n be_v a_o great_a sin_n than_o all_o thy_o other_o sin_n this_o make_v thou_o like_o the_o devil_n himself_o it_o be_v the_o glory_n of_o divine_a grace_n to_o triumph_v over_o all_o the_o sinner_n unworthiness_n resolve_v therefore_o i_o will_v yet_o follow_v god_n though_o i_o have_v offend_v he_o come_v on_o i_o what_o will_v i_o know_v he_o be_v god_n and_o not_o man_n who_o can_v help_v nay_o will_v help_v if_o i_o come_v unto_o he_o isa_n 57_o 16._o i_o will_v not_o contend_v for_o ever_o nor_o be_v always_o wroth_a for_o the_o spirit_n will_v fail_v before_o i_o and_o the_o soul_n that_o 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break_v out_o if_o i_o do_v not_o love_n god_n why_o do_v i_o follow_v he_o and_o mourn_v after_o he_o if_o thou_o love_v god_n here_o be_v ground_n of_o comfort_n thou_o can_v not_o love_v god_n if_o he_o do_v not_o first_o love_v thou_o it_o be_v a_o memorable_a answer_n of_o mr._n dod_n to_o a_o godly_a minister_n that_o say_v to_o he_o a_o little_a before_o his_o death_n what_o will_v you_o say_v to_o i_o who_o be_o go_v out_o of_o the_o world_n and_o can_v find_v no_o comfort_n he_o reply_v what_o will_v you_o say_v to_o our_o saviour_n that_o be_v go_v out_o of_o the_o world_n and_o find_v no_o comfort_n but_o he_o cry_v out_o my_o god_n my_o god_n still_o this_o speech_n much_o refresh_v that_o godly_a minister_n other_o of_o god_n child_n have_v want_v sensible_a comfort_n at_o their_o death_n yet_o they_o have_v be_v able_a to_o act_v faith_n and_o to_o say_v my_o god_n my_o god_n still_o though_o god_n sensible_a presence_n be_v not_o still_o the_o same_o yet_o his_o word_n and_o promise_n be_v he_o speak_v as_o comfortable_o in_o his_o word_n as_o ever_o he_o can_v deny_v his_o own_o word_n god_n sometime_o withdraw_v comfort_n that_o we_o may_v prize_v his_o word_n more_o and_o depend_v more_o upon_o that_o you_o please_v and_o honour_n god_n most_o when_o you_o can_v venture_v your_o soul_n on_o his_o bare_a word_n and_o promise_n a_o faith_n of_o recumbency_n on_o christ_n in_o the_o want_n of_o comfort_n do_v more_o honour_n god_n than_o the_o high_a faith_n of_o assurance_n why_o shall_v death_n be_v a_o terror_n to_o they_o that_o fear_v god_n none_o need_v to_o fear_v death_n that_o be_v escape_v from_o the_o dominion_n of_o sin_n and_o the_o devil_n can_v you_o say_v you_o do_v not_o love_n christ_n and_o that_o you_o do_v love_n sin_n then_o there_o be_v cause_n enough_o for_o fear_n but_o this_o be_v to_o bely_v the_o bless_a spirit_n the_o godly_a have_v hope_n in_o his_o death_n a_o hope_n of_o life_n even_o at_o the_o point_n of_o death_n 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their_o god_n and_o therefore_o let_v not_o the_o saint_n of_o god_n be_v afraid_a of_o death_n xi_o psal_n 147._o 11._o the_o lord_n take_v pleasure_n in_o they_o that_o fear_v he_o in_o they_o that_o hope_v in_o his_o mercy_n then_o our_o prayer_n please_v god_n when_o they_o be_v put_v up_o to_o he_o in_o faith_n and_o hope_n of_o his_o mercy_n poor_a tremble_a soul_n that_o meditute_v nothing_o but_o terror_n little_o think_v how_o it_o will_v please_v god_n to_o see_v they_o to_o hope_v in_o his_o mercy_n they_o be_v conscious_a to_o themselves_o how_o they_o have_v displease_v god_n but_o hope_v in_o god_n mercy_n and_o he_o will_v take_v pleasure_n in_o thou_o they_o bring_v most_o honour_n to_o god_n that_o be_v most_o admire_a and_o magnify_v of_o his_o mercy_n his_o heart_n be_v most_o set_v on_o mercy_n in_o all_o the_o manifestation_n of_o it_o therefore_o let_v poor_a droop_a soul_n still_o maintain_v hope_n in_o the_o mercy_n of_o god_n through_o christ_n xii_o this_o 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from_o but_o grace_n do_v this_o for_o believer_n the_o curse_n the_o hurt_a the_o venom_n of_o all_o be_v take_v away_o they_o be_v gainer_n by_o all_o 2_o cor._n 4._o 16._o though_o our_o outward_a man_n etc._n etc._n all_o work_n for_o their_o good_a other_o have_v comfort_n with_o a_o curse_n but_o believer_n have_v cross_n with_o a_o blessing_n the_o gild_n of_o sin_n the_o grace_n of_o god_n in_o christ_n do_v quite_o take_v away_o from_o all_o believer_n heb._n 8._o 12._o pardon_v mercy_n clear_v the_o soul_n of_o gild_n what_o comfort_n be_v this_o to_o such_o that_o by_o the_o grace_n of_o justification_n through_o christ_n they_o be_v in_o god_n account_n righteous_a and_o upon_o the_o account_n of_o christ_n their_o righteousness_n they_o may_v come_v into_o god_n presence_n with_o as_o assure_a welcome_n as_o adam_n in_o paradise_n or_o the_o angel_n now_o in_o heaven_n this_o thou_o may_v be_v assure_v of_o that_o christ_n will_v not_o break_v the_o bruise_a reed_n nor_o quench_v the_o smoke_a flax._n though_o thy_o faith_n be_v so_o small_a that_o it_o yield_v not_o light_a to_o other_o nor_o heat_v to_o thy_o own_o heart_n yet_o christ_n discern_v and_o accept_v it_o but_o can_v a_o man_n have_v the_o exercise_n of_o grace_n and_o not_o know_v it_o fear_v god_n and_o not_o discern_v it_o i_o answer_v yes_o some_o grace_n may_v then_o be_v act_v and_o discern_v by_o other_o as_o well_o as_o at_o any_o other_o time_n he_o may_v fear_v god_n as_o true_o and_o as_o much_o as_o ever_o and_o yet_o his_o grace_n may_v not_o have_v light_a to_o discover_v itself_o to_o he_o it_o may_v have_v a_o be_v and_o work_v in_o the_o heart_n when_o it_o be_v not_o clear_a in_o thy_o apprehension_n xiii_o harken_v unto_o the_o voice_n of_o god_n o_o poor_a doubt_v disconsolate_a sinner_n why_o do_v thou_o pass_v sentence_n against_o thyself_o thou_o say_v o_o my_o sin_n be_v very_o many_o well_o but_o the_o mercy_n of_o god_n be_v far_o more_o o_o but_o my_o sin_n be_v very_o great_a true_o but_o the_o meroy_n of_o god_n be_v far_o great_a o_o but_o my_o sin_n be_v of_o long_a continuance_n true_o but_o yet_o thy_o sin_n be_v but_o sin_n of_o time_n his_o mercy_n be_v the_o mercy_n of_o eternity_n o_o but_o my_o sin_n be_v great_a than_o you_o be_v aware_a of_o they_o be_v crimson_a scarlet_a sin_n how_o great_a be_v they_o be_v they_o as_o great_a as_o the_o sin_n of_o manasseh_n that_o be_v a_o wizard_n that_o fill_v jerusalem_n with_o blood_n yet_o god_n pardon_v he_o be_v they_o great_a than_o the_o sin_n of_o mary_n magdalen_n out_o of_o who_o be_v cast_v seven_o devil_n and_o yet_o god_n have_v mercy_n for_o she_o o_o but_o i_o fear_v the_o stock_n of_o mercy_n be_v quite_o spend_v no_o his_o mercy_n endure_v for_o ever_o it_o be_v from_o everlasting_a to_o everlasting_a but_o i_o have_v exceed_o abuse_v mercy_n yet_o remember_v that_o though_o thou_o have_v sin_v against_o his_o mercy_n yet_o thou_o have_v not_o sin_v above_o his_o mercy_n isa_n 55._o 8._o my_o thought_n be_v not_o as_o your_o thought_n nor_o my_o way_n as_o your_o way_n as_o the_o heaven_n be_v above_o the_o earth_n so_o be_v my_o thought_n above_o your_o thought_n and_o my_o way_n above_o your_o way_n finis_fw-la finis_fw-la my_o honour_a friend_n mr._n joshua_n gearing_n sen._n
a_o title_n to_o heaven_n or_o that_o we_o have_v not_o but_o pass_v not_o this_o sentence_n with_o self-flattery_n nor_o from_o melancholy_a terror_n and_o fear_n one_a not_o with_o self-flattery_n alas_o what_o will_v it_o profit_v we_o to_o think_v ourselves_o the_o child_n of_o god_n when_o we_o visible_o express_v the_o power_n of_o sin_n and_o satan_n in_o our_o life_n two_o on_o the_o other_o side_n pass_v not_o this_o sentence_n from_o melancholy_a unbelief_n terror_n and_o fear_n as_o the_o carnal_a man_n fail_v the_o former_a way_n so_o the_o tempt_a christian_n sometime_o fail_v this_o way_n in_o this_o case_n run_v we_o over_o our_o evidence_n again_o and_o again_o and_o proceed_v we_o from_o those_o that_o be_v more_o difficult_a to_o those_o that_o be_v more_o easy_a one_o sign_n perhaps_o may_v be_v more_o easy_o perceive_v than_o another_o and_o if_o we_o can_v but_o discover_v some_o yea_o if_o but_o one_o we_o may_v assure_o gather_v all_o the_o rest_n be_v there_o come_v then_o pass_v on_o now_o to_o sentence_n o_o but_o implore_v the_o spirit_n be_v assistance_n now_o if_o ever_o let_v we_o desire_v he_o to_o shine_v on_o our_o grace_n and_o then_o speak_v ground_o and_o deliberate_o and_o true_o as_o we_o find_v according_a to_o our_o very_a conscience_n do_v not_o conclude_v as_o some_o do_v i_o be_o a_o good_a christian_a or_o as_o other_o do_v i_o be_o a_o reprobate_n or_o a_o hypocrite_n and_o shall_v be_v damn_v when_o we_o have_v no_o ground_n for_o what_o we_o say_v but_o our_o own_o fancy_n or_o hope_n or_o fear_n let_v not_o our_o judgement_n be_v any_o way_n biased_a or_o bribe_v from_o sentence_v aright_o then_o he_o further_o advise_v that_o we_o shall_v labour_v to_o get_v our_o heart_n kind_o affect_v with_o its_o discover_a condition_n according_a to_o the_o sentence_n pass_v on_o it_o do_v not_o think_v enough_o to_o know_v but_o labour_v to_o feel_v what_o god_n have_v make_v we_o to_o see_v if_o we_o find_v ourselves_o renew_v and_o sanctify_v indeed_o o_o let_v we_o get_v this_o warm_a and_o close_o to_o our_o heart_n bethink_v ourselves_o what_o a_o bless_a estate_n have_v the_o lord_n bring_v we_o into_o to_o be_v his_o child_n his_o friend_n to_o be_v pardon_v justify_v and_o entitle_v to_o life_n why_o what_o be_v it_o we_o now_o need_v to_o fear_v but_o sin_v against_o he_o come_v war_n or_o plague_n or_o sickness_n or_o death_n we_o be_v sure_o they_o can_v but_o thrust_v we_o into_o heaven_n thus_o let_v we_o follow_v these_o meditation_n till_o they_o have_v leave_v their_o impression_n on_o our_o heart_n then_o he_o advise_v to_o record_v this_o sentence_n so_o pass_v to_o write_v it_o down_o which_o now_o i_o desire_v to_o do_v this_o 18_o of_o august_n 1676._o have_v search_v and_o try_v my_o heart_n yesterday_o and_o at_o this_o time_n also_o after_o i_o hope_v earneft_v and_o hearty_a prayer_n to_o god_n for_o the_o help_n of_o his_o spirit_n to_o try_v my_o state_n and_o condition_n i_o do_v fall_v again_o to_o the_o work_n of_o self-trial_n by_o the_o forementioned_a particular_n and_o though_o i_o can_v full_o declare_v a_o positive_a answer_n to_o every_o question_n yet_o if_o my_o heart_n do_v not_o very_o much_o deceive_v i_o i_o can_v to_o most_o of_o they_o i_o hope_v i_o can_v i_o beg_v of_o god_n i_o may_v not_o be_v deceive_v it_o be_v some_o comfort_n to_o i_o where_o i_o can_v so_o full_o answer_v some_o of_o they_o i_o hope_v i_o can_v true_o say_v i_o most_o hearty_o desire_v it_o may_v be_v so_o with_o i_o and_o though_o grace_n be_v very_o weak_a in_o i_o which_o i_o hope_v i_o desire_v to_o be_v humble_v and_o mourn_v for_o yet_o i_o dare_v not_o deny_v god_n work_n in_o i_o i_o must_v not_o deny_v the_o day_n of_o small-thing_n but_o to_o the_o glory_n of_o god_n must_v own_v sure_o there_o be_v something_o of_o good_a wrought_v in_o i_o by_o his_o holy_a spirit_n and_o my_o comfort_n be_v christ_n will_v not_o quench_v the_o smoke_a flax_n nor_o break_v the_o bruise_a reed_n mat._n 12._o 20._o i_o be_o not_o now_o affect_v with_o the_o discovery_n of_o my_o condition_n as_o i_o shall_v and_o do_v not_o find_v at_o present_a inward_a comfort_n in_o my_o soul_n i_o be_o and_o have_v be_v much_o under_o the_o withdrawing_n of_o god_n for_o a_o time_n by_o reason_n of_o my_o apostasy_n and_o backslide_n from_o he_o and_o not_o walk_v close_o with_o he_o yet_o i_o desire_v i_o hope_v to_o lament_v after_o the_o lord_n and_o not_o content_v myself_o till_o i_o again_o meet_v with_o he_o the_o lord_n give_v i_o grace_n to_o wait_v on_o he_o in_o a_o way_n of_o duty_n and_o to_o act_v grace_n though_o i_o want_v comfort_n o_o if_o i_o be_o but_o sincere_a and_o wait_v still_o upon_o god_n who_o can_v tell_v but_o he_o may_v return_v with_o comfort_n to_o my_o poor_a soul_n the_o lord_n help_v i_o to_o maintain_v faith_n and_o hop_v through_o christ_n though_o i_o sit_v in_o darkness_n and_o see_v no_o light_n yet_o to_o trust_v in_o the_o lord_n and_o stay_v myself_o on_o my_o god_n isa_n 50._o 10._o the_o lord_n help_v i_o now_o to_o walk_v answerable_a to_o the_o great_a thing_n he_o have_v do_v for_o my_o poor_a soul_n i_o desire_v and_o hope_v i_o may_v have_v recourse_n to_o this_o hereafter_o as_o i_o shall_v have_v need_n and_o that_o it_o may_v be_v of_o comfort_n to_o i_o for_o the_o time_n to_o come_v as_o mr._n ambrose_n advise_v his_o word_n be_v this_o record_n will_v be_v very_o useful_a to_o we_o hereafter_o if_o we_o find_v we_o have_v a_o work_n of_o grace_n in_o we_o what_o a_o help_n will_v it_o be_v against_o the_o next_o temptation_n to_o doubt_v and_o fear_n to_o go_v and_o read_v under_o our_o hand_n this_o record_n may_v we_o not_o think_v if_o at_o such_o a_o time_n i_o find_v the_o truth_n of_o grace_n be_v it_o not_o likely_a to_o be_v now_o the_o same_o and_o these_o doubt_n to_o come_v from_o the_o enemy_n of_o my_o peace_n yet_o trust_v not_o so_o to_o one_o discovery_n as_o to_o try_v no_o more_o especial_o if_o we_o have_v make_v any_o soul_n defection_n from_o christ_n and_o play_v the_o backslider_n see_v then_o that_o we_o renew_v the_o search_n again_o neither_o let_v this_o hinder_v we_o in_o the_o daily_a search_n of_o our_o way_n or_o of_o our_o increase_n in_o grace_n and_o fellowship_n with_o christ_n it_o be_v a_o ill_a sign_n and_o a_o desperate_a vile_a sin_n for_o a_o man_n when_o he_o think_v he_o have_v find_v himself_o gracious_a and_o in_o a_o happy_a state_n to_o let_v down_o his_o watch_n and_o grow_v negligent_a of_o his_o heart_n and_o way_n and_o scarce_o look_v after_o they_o any_o more_o neither_o shall_v we_o give_v over_o in_o discouragement_n if_o we_o can_v at_o once_o or_o twice_o or_o ten_o time_n try_v discover_v our_o case_n but_o follow_v it_o on_o till_o we_o have_v discover_v it_o if_o one_o hour_n or_o day_n will_v not_o do_v take_v another_o if_o one_o minister_n can_v direct_v we_o sufficient_o go_v to_o another_o the_o issue_n will_v answer_v all_o our_o pain_n there_o be_v no_o sit_v down_o discourage_v in_o a_o work_n that_o must_v be_v do_v if_o we_o have_v be_v hypocrite_n or_o ungodly_a person_n all_o our_o life_n yet_o be_v the_o promise_v offer_v to_o we_o by_o christ_n and_o he_o tender_v himself_o to_o we_o to_o be_v our_o lord_n and_o saviour_n neither_o can_v we_o possible_o be_v so_o willing_a to_o accept_v he_o as_o he_o be_v to_o accept_v we_o nothing_o but_o our_o own_o unwillingness_n can_v keep_v our_o soul_n from_o christ_n though_o we_o have_v hitherto_o abuse_v he_o and_o dissemble_v with_o he_o o_o that_o the_o lord_n will_v persuade_v we_o to_o the_o close_a performance_n of_o this_o self-trying_a task_n that_o we_o may_v not_o tremble_v with_o horror_n of_o soul_n when_o the_o judge_n of_o all_o the_o world_n shall_v try_v we_o but_o have_v our_o evidence_n so_o ready_a at_o hand_n and_o be_v so_o able_a to_o prove_v our_o title_n to_o heaven_n that_o the_o thought_n and_o approach_v of_o death_n and_o judgement_n may_v revive_v our_o spirit_n and_o fill_v we_o with_o joy_n and_o not_o apale_fw-la we_o and_o fill_v we_o with_o amazement_n september_n the_o 19_o 1676._o find_v my_o heart_n very_o hard_a and_o dead_a of_o late_a and_o be_v still_o under_o the_o withdrawing_n of_o god_n but_o i_o bless_v god_n i_o hope_v sensible_a of_o it_o and_o desirous_a to_o wait_v upon_o he_o for_o discovery_n of_o his_o love_n and_o favour_n and_o to_o lament_v after_o he_o and_o seek_v he_o in_o his_o ordinance_n for_o i_o hope_v i_o can_v take_v up_o with_o duty_n without_o something_o
this_o thou_o find_v thou_o have_v more_o desire_n after_o grace_n that_o be_v more_o grace_n be_v thou_o not_o only_o thankful_a for_o a_o little_a grace_n but_o art_n reach_v after_o more_o do_v thou_o grow_v more_o weary_a of_o thy_o sin_n and_o more_o earnest_a after_o christ_n i_o hope_v in_o the_o lord_n it_o be_v thus_o with_o i_o that_o i_o be_o more_o weary_a of_o sin_n and_o desire_v more_o grace_n now_o growth_n be_v a_o sign_n of_o life_n again_o put_v this_o question_n to_o thyself_o do_v i_o hunger_n and_o thirst_n after_o christ_n this_o be_v a_o evidence_n of_o spiritual_a life_n dead_a man_n do_v not_o hunger_n and_o thirst_n after_o christ_n now_o i_o hope_v in_o the_o lord_n i_o do_v hunger_n and_o thirst_n after_o christ_n and_o nothing_o but_o himself_o will_v content_v i_o again_o ask_v thy_o soul_n do_v i_o love_v god_n and_o christ_n or_o do_v i_o not_o these_o mark_v he_o give_v of_o love_n to_o christ_n lord_n i_o love_v thou_o for_o i_o be_o grieve_v at_o thy_o absence_n and_o be_o rejoice_v at_o thy_o presence_n lord_n i_o love_v thou_o for_o i_o love_v those_o that_o be_v like_o thou_o o_o my_o lord_n i_o love_v thou_o for_o i_o love_v the_o place_n and_o duty_n where_o thou_o be_v wont_a to_o meet_v thy_o people_n and_o warm_v their_o heart_n but_o if_o thou_o be_v not_o there_o i_o can_v take_v up_o content_o with_o they_o lord_n i_o humble_o say_v i_o love_v thou_o for_o i_o dare_v not_o deny_v but_o i_o be_o grieve_v when_o thou_o be_v dishonour_v by_o myself_o or_o other_o though_o i_o grieve_v for_o this_o less_o than_o i_o shall_v because_o i_o love_v thou_o less_o than_o i_o ought_v lord_n i_o love_v thou_o for_o i_o desire_v to_o have_v a_o heart_n that_o shall_v be_v willing_a to_o part_v with_o all_o for_o thou_o thing_n sinful_a in_o themselves_o at_o all_o time_n and_o thing_n lawful_a when_o thou_o call_v i_o to_o it_o once_o more_o i_o humble_o say_v i_o love_v thou_o for_o i_o will_v have_v a_o heart_n to_o love_n and_o long_o and_o look_v for_o thy_o come_v and_o appearance_n in_o glory_n mr._n ambrose_n direct_v to_o try_v our_o title_n to_o heaven_n advise_v first_o to_o write_v down_o the_o scripture-marks_a or_o grace_n or_o glory_n and_o mention_n these_o several_a scripture_n follow_v 1_o joh._n 2._o 3._o hereby_o we_o know_v that_o we_o know_v he_o if_o we_o keep_v his_o commandment_n 2_o cor._n 1._o 12._o for_o our_o rejoice_n be_v this_o the_o testimony_n of_o our_o conscience_n that_o in_o godly_a simplicity_n and_o sincerity_n we_o have_v have_v our_o conversation_n in_o the_o world_n 1_o joh._n 3._o 9_o 10._o whosoever_o be_v bear_v of_o god_n sin_v not_o because_o his_o seed_n abide_v in_o he_o neither_o can_v he_o sin_v because_o he_o be_v bear_v of_o god_n in_o this_o the_o child_n of_o god_n be_v manifest_a etc._n etc._n 1_o joh._n 4._o 13._o hereby_o we_o know_v that_o we_o dwell_v in_o he_o and_o he_o in_o we_o because_o he_o have_v give_v we_o of_o his_o spirit_n 1_o joh._n 3._o 14._o we_o know_v that_o we_o have_v pass_v from_o death_n to_o life_n because_o we_o love_v the_o brethren_n james_n 1._o 12._o there_o be_v a_o crown_n of_o life_n the_o lord_n have_v promise_v to_o they_o that_o love_v he_o but_o above_o all_o observe_v these_o text_n follow_v as_o contain_v the_o special_a gospel-condition_n to_o which_o we_o find_v so_o often_o annex_v the_o promise_n of_o justification_n and_o glorification_n joh._n 3._o 16._o god_n so_o love_v the_o world_n that_o he_o give_v his_o only_a beget_v son_n that_o whosoever_o believe_v in_o he_o shall_v not_o perish_v but_o have_v everlasting_a life_n joh._n 5._o 24._o he_o that_o believe_v have_v everlasting_a life_n and_o shall_v not_o come_v into_o condemnation_n but_o be_v pass_v from_o death_n unto_o life_n joh._n 6._o 40._o and_o this_o be_v the_o will_n of_o he_o that_o send_v i_o that_o every_o one_o that_o see_v the_o son_n and_o believe_v in_o he_o may_v have_v everlasting_a life_n joh._n 20._o 31._o these_o thing_n be_v write_v that_o you_o may_v believe_v that_o jesus_n be_v the_o christ_n the_o son_n of_o god_n and_o that_o believe_v you_o may_v have_v life_n through_o his_o name_n act_n 16._o 31._o believe_v on_o the_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n and_o thou_o shall_v be_v save_v rom._n 10._o 9_o 10._o if_o thou_o shall_v confess_v with_o thy_o mouth_n the_o lord_n jesus_n and_o shall_v believe_v in_o thy_o heart_n that_o god_n have_v raise_v he_o from_o the_o dead_a thou_o shall_v be_v save_v heb._n 10._o 39_o we_o be_v not_o of_o they_o who_o draw_v back_o unto_o perdition_n but_o of_o they_o that_o believe_v to_o the_o save_n of_o the_o soul_n 1_o joh._n 5._o 13._o these_o thing_n have_v i_o write_v unto_o you_o that_o believe_v in_o the_o name_n of_o the_o son_n of_o god_n that_o you_o may_v know_v that_o you_o have_v eternal_a life_n from_o the_o first_o text_n we_o gather_v the_o scripture_n mark_v of_o universal_a obedience_n from_o the_o second_o sincerity_n from_o the_o three_o opposition_n against_o and_o abstinence_n from_o sin_n from_o the_o four_o spiritual_a performance_n of_o holy_a duty_n from_o the_o five_o a_o love_n of_o the_o brethren_n from_o the_o six_o a_o love_n of_o christ_n from_o all_o the_o rest_n faith_n in_o christ_n the_o root_n and_o spring_n of_o all_o other_o grace_n and_o necessary_a condition_n of_o pardon_n and_o eternal_a life_n proceed_v we_o now_o to_o put_v the_o question_n to_o ourselves_o but_o be_v sure_o to_o state_n it_o aright_o let_v it_o not_o be_v whether_o there_o be_v any_o good_a in_o we_o at_o all_o for_o so_o we_o shall_v err_v on_o the_o one_o hand_n nor_o yet_o whether_o we_o have_v such_o and_o such_o a_o degree_n and_o measure_n of_o grace_n for_o so_o we_o shall_v err_v on_o the_o other_o hand_n but_o whether_o according_a to_o the_o forementioned_a scripture_n such_o and_o such_o a_o save_a grace_n be_v in_o we_o or_o not_o now_o i_o have_v beg_v of_o god_n his_o help_n to_o try_v the_o state_n of_o my_o soul_n by_o what_o follow_v this_o 17_o of_o august_n 1676._o and_o i_o do_v hope_n i_o find_v the_o true_a mark_n of_o save_a grace_n in_o my_o soul_n and_o desire_v here_o to_o enter_v they_o down_o that_o i_o may_v have_v recourse_n to_o it_o in_o time_n of_o need_n and_o the_o lord_n grant_v i_o be_v sincere_a 1._o o_o my_o soul_n have_v thou_o respect_v to_o and_o do_v observe_v all_o god_n commandment_n do_v thou_o keep_v the_o law_n in_o truth_n and_o sincerity_n though_o not_o in_o gradual_a perfection_n do_v thou_o know_v god_n in_o part_n and_o love_n god_n true_o by_o a_o sincere_a obedience_n do_v thou_o keep_v the_o commandment_n in_o a_o evangelical_n sense_n and_o wherein_o thou_o fail_v do_v thou_o acknowledge_v thy_o fail_n and_o rely_v upon_o christ_n for_o pardon_n be_v thy_o universal_a obedience_n internal_a and_o spiritual_a as_o well_o as_o external_a be_v thy_o delight_n in_o the_o law_n of_o god_n after_o the_o inward_a man_n be_v thy_o obedience_n to_o the_o duty_n of_o both_o table_n do_v thou_o make_v conscience_n of_o particular_a duty_n in_o every_o relation_n 2._o o_o my_o soul_n have_v thou_o sincerity_n and_o uprightness_n of_o heart_n be_v there_o a_o powerful_a change_n of_o the_o whole_a man_n by_o the_o grace_n of_o god_n do_v thou_o do_v what_o be_v good_a upon_o this_o account_n because_o god_n command_v it_o not_o because_o it_o will_v agree_v with_o thy_o end_n and_o advantage_n but_o because_o god_n have_v require_v it_o be_v thou_o diligent_a and_o conscientious_a in_o secret_a duty_n to_o perform_v they_o and_o in_o spiritual_a or_o heart_n sin_n and_o secret_a lust_n to_o avoid_v they_o do_v thou_o serve_v god_n in_o spirit_n do_v thou_o eye_n god_n whether_o in_o private_a or_o public_a do_v thou_o set_v thyself_o zealous_o against_o those_o sin_n thou_o be_v most_o incline_v unto_o do_v thou_o hate_v sin_n most_o in_o thyself_o and_o in_o those_o that_o be_v near_a unto_o thou_o have_v thou_o respect_v to_o all_o god_n commandment_n but_o yet_o to_o the_o duty_n of_o the_o first_o table_n before_o the_o second_o to_o the_o command_v of_o great_a duty_n before_o those_o of_o lesser_a duty_n or_o if_o in_o all_o these_o particular_n thou_o find_v not_o such_o a_o uprightness_n as_o have_v no_o deceit_n or_o falsehood_n or_o carnal_a respect_n at_o all_o join_v with_o it_o for_o as_o all_o other_o grace_n be_v but_o in_o part_n so_o be_v we_o sincere_a and_o upright_o but_o in_o part_n be_v thou_o humble_v under_o thy_o hypocrisy_n and_o spiritual_a guile_n and_o do_v thou_o trust_v only_o to_o christ_n and_o do_v thou_o cry_v as_o david_n do_v for_o truth_n in_o the_o