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A00423 The stage of popish toyes conteining both tragicall and comicall partes: played by the Romishe roysters of former age: notably describing them by degrees in their colours. Collected out of H. Stephanus in his Apologie vpon Herodot. With a friendlie forewarning to our Catelin Catholikes: and a brief admonition, of the sundrie benefites we receiue by hir Ma: blessed gouernement ouer vs. Compyled by G.N.; Apologia pro Herodoto. English. Selections Estienne, Henri, 1531-1598.; North, George, gentleman. 1581 (1581) STC 10552; ESTC S101744 72,594 99

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which thou hast vsed from the beginning For that babling false tong of thine caused Herode worthyly to cutte off thy head I haue prayed to thée this 25. yeare and haue offered more light before thée thā I am worth But now holding vp his fist towards him offring him the Italian fig I wil sée thée hanged as y e wast headed before I wil come to thée againe A certaine Cooke in Florence accustomed to make his ordinarie prayers Candle offrings to a very yong Image of Christ entertayning himselfe in his grace the space of xx yeares about which time it fortuned a Tilestone to fal frō the house vpon his childs head wounded him to the death which the Father perceyuing came to hys yong S. Christ brought him a fayre waxe light for a presente where hée was wont to offer only a tallow Candle vsing this prayer my most swéete litle Lord Iesus Christ I pray thée restore my son to helth thou knowest it is now more than xx yeres since I first faithfully serued thée during which time I neuer desired any pleasure of thée but now séeing my son is in danger of death I am come to commend vs both vnto thee desiring thée to helpe him as wel for the deuotion he bears thée being yong like thy self as for the continuall seruice I haue done thee After he had ended these prayers he wente home where finding his son deade he returned in a surie to his little Christ to whom without anye knée or curtesie with his cap on his head he said I do vtterly renounce thée with assured promise that thou shalt neuer sée me more I haue with true deuotion serued thée long and neuer requyred any good turne at thy hand til now and thou hast bothe denyed me and deceiued me I confesse I ouer-late finde my own folly for had I done halfe the seruice to the gentleman that good old Roode thy Father that stāds by thée as I haue done to thée I am sure he wold not so childishlie haue refused me And one thing more I will promise thée it shall be a warning for me for euer hereafter to haue to do either w t thée or w t any boy for thy sake adding this prouerbe Chis ' vnpaccia confanciulli confanciulli siritroua He that hath to do with children shal be childishly handeled which may well agrée with this that followeth For where one praying to our Lady with hir little infant Christ in hir armes hadde hys answere made in a childish voyce by one that stoode behinde hir Image whyche lyked hym nothyng and iudgyng by the voyce that it was not the mother that spake but hyr sonne sayde holde thy peace prettie babe hold thy peace let thy mother speake who hath more wit than thy selfe But the Burgonion vsed brauer spéeches to a yong Crucifixe son to an old that had almost killed him for he comming into the Churche and séeing a fayre yong Crucifixe made wyth a smyling countenaunce and set in the place of the olde he sayde to him it is not thy dissembling face nor all the flattering shewes thou canst make shall deceyue mée for I wyll neuer truste thée And I warraunt● if thou liue to the age of a man thou wilt proue as false as thy father that meant to murder me Not muche vnlike the spéeches that a Flēming vsed to a roode in Rochel though in another sense for he comming thyther to sell Herring and finding a badde Market for his purpose he wente into the Church where séeing the Roode wyth his head hanging on the one side and looking very pitifully he sayd ah good Lord didst thou likewise bring hither Herring to sell These Histories do witnes that as the Pope his prelacie brought all the world into damnable Idolatrie touching the worshipping of Saintes so it séemed that some in all ages wold shewe those Idolles their Lessons when they pleased them not As not long since the inhabitauntes of a village called Neutonne by Paris for that theyr vines were frosen on Saint Georges day did not alone speak bold opprobrious words vnto hym but presumed on his person and threw hym into the riuer of Seine to the end he shoulde be as wel frozen as their Vines which act was so much the more hardye for y t they durst attempt it against him who is a Mars among all the Saints And a Fryer in Artoys in Henaulte Preaching of the statue of golde that Nabuchodonozor caused to be set vp wherof Daniel maketh mention in hys thyrd Chapter hée sayde thys Image was as great a villayne as our Sainte Eust●ce is but he was all of Massie gold I woulde to God our Saint Eustace were so to Wherby as we may see that some would be sausie with theyr Saints so truely in al worlds there were that would touch their Hipocrisie with termes apt for them For Laurence de Medecis who knew the best honor due to theyr desart being asked by the Turkes Embassadour how it hapned he could not sée so many mad men fooles Idiots passe through the stréetes of Florence as were commonly to be séene in Caire other Cityes of hys Country he answered we hold them all enclosed in strong houses euerye one according to the qualitie of his madnesse or frensie wherevpon the next daye accompanying him out of Florence he shewed him a number of Monasteries which he said were y e places for their fooles and mad men of all sorts and were called Monkes Friers and Nonnes All this is nothing nor that which hath bin published by our predecessors against the pettie sort of the Clergie in respect of y e which hath bin spoken against the Popes their owne persons For Pasquin from the beginning and euen at their dores would touch them so to the quicke descipher euery small artier or vaine of thē so naturally as no Anotomiser could doe better whose skill was the more for that he was acquainted with the best witted gentillest spirited and most of iudgement in al Rome This Pasquin to shewe in one word what the whole Etimologie of the Popes vertue and name did signifie fained to die in dispaire of an vnkindnesse y t one had slaundered him Why quoth his friend haue they called th●● Théefe murtherer or poisoner he answered no but they haue termed me much worse haue they called thée a robber of Churches a killer of thy Parents a Bouggerer or an Atheist Alas no said Pasquin they haue touched my credit with a worse report thā all this His friend grieuing to sée him in that wofull case deuined at all the greatest and most infamous names that could be deuised he still affirming it was worse and so bad that I knowe you can neuer gesse at it Why then said his friend I pray thée shewe me what it is that hath brought thée into this dispaire In the end Pasquin deliuering a déepe sigh answered
did at the first wonderfully amaze his Auditors for they supposed he had vsed them for horrible othes considering the pause or stay he made betwéene euery word Whiche bringeth likewise to memory the knauerie of certaine Chanons in Bloyse who Christened two children of one Iohn Gods the one a son the other a daughter naming the son Death and the daughter Vertue This hath a kynde of blasphemy in it which is hateful to the hearer and damnable to the speaker considering with what grace they deliuer it But a Iesuite named Hoghsteen at Hornburge in Germanie vsed his sermon in playner termes who made it no conscience to sweare by God in despight of the Protestantes affirming that he woulde proue how they were worse than y e Diuel For sayd he if I méete with y e Diuel blesse my selfe but w c the signe of a Crosse he wil straight flye from me But if I make the signe of a Crosse to a Protestāt by God he wil fly vpon me be redy to strangle me Another Iesuite being sore hurt by chāce w t the stroke of a horse a friend of his y t knew his blaspheming humor sayd to him this wil make you leaue your swearing who answered By the bodye of God I wil take héed hereafter howe I sweare Not vnlyke to the Abbot whō Barelet the preacher afore spoken off friendly admonished saying reuerēt father many haue shewed me y t you can not talke wythout an othe or remembring the Diuell who presentlye aunsweared what is he in the Diuels name that sayth so of me By the bodye of Christ it is not true A Monke of Bloise in a greate rage wished the bloudye flixe to the Asse that bare Christ into Ierusalem And another Religious abused by his harlot cursed the Woulfe and one hearing hym asked wherein the Woulfe had offended him for that saide he he deuoured not Christ when he was a lamve Certaine Iewes being in Rome and hearing the Cardinals blaspheme Christ so bitterly saide they maruelled how they could beléeue that he dyed for thē vse such outragious spéeches against him euen as though they would spit in the face of God As what Diuel coulde deliuer more damnable spéeches than was vttered by a Priest there his Concubine putting him in a choller Al dispetto di quel can che pendeua nella Croce In dispight of the dog that hanged on the crosse Oh horrible and hateful words spoken by the Diuel in the shape of a Priest and in that place where commonly no better fruite coulde growe As Paule the thirde going on his solemne Procession in the honor of theyr Corpus Christi daye sayde in a rage for that his company martched very slowe afore him if they did not make more hast he woulde denye Christ and all that come of hym And the same Paule being told in open consistorie that he could not with a safe conscience giue to his kindred Parma and Placentia aunsweared if Paule the Apostle did bear suche affection to those of hys nation whom he called brethren that he desired to be seperated from Christe to the ende they might be saued why shoulde not I with like affection to my sonnes and coosins offer my selfe to damnation to the end to make them greate and honorable personages Which kinde of blasphemie is not alone to be attributed to his holynesse but to the whole genealogie of those triple crowned tyraunts and to all others of theyr marke if we may iudge their hartes by theyr actes The same Pope Paule to ratifie the ruine of his Soule sent worde to Charles the fift who was not onely a fauourer but also a protector of their superstitiō that if he would not render Plesantia he woulde excommunicate him To whom the Emperour answeared that he would thunder and lighten as loude and as fast with his Cannons as the Pope should thunder and lighten with his terrible excommunications and then said he let those two trie who shall carrie the cause away By these threatning meanes they wonderfully terrified the world for the very breath of those Romishe ●eastes did so Eclipse the bright beames of the truth as it became as dimme and darke as their dreames And if any at any time in singlenesse of he art did arme himselfe with Gods worde to defend his honour and glory they would encounter them with cursing excommunication fire famine and sworde and with all the tormentes of Phalaris Bucyris and Nero being stil in the combat both iudge partie And truly they had great reason to kéepe this mightie stull for they foared as furious as they were that if this little lyght of y e Gospell shoulde haue any way in the world it woulde in small time after quench the grosse fire of their greasie k●tchen And now séeing I haue presumed so farre on the eurious follie or foolish curiositio of bad Preachers I will in pardon followe the traine and deliuer you as an any as I can remember One to whom God by the witnesse of himselfe had shewed sundry speciall graces deliuered these spéeches in hys Sermon of his owne commendations I can not tell howe it happeneth said he that others of great countenance and fame are not so wel learned nor can not preach so profoūdly or gallantly as I doe some say they lacke the knowledge I haue and that they are nothing so wise which I beléeue to be true For al you can witnesse that it is not yet a yéere since I had neither iudgement nor vnderstanding and now you sée me preach to the pleasing of you all In which Sermōn he proued his chastitie by y e witnesse of his sister For said be it is reported that I abuse my continence with some in my house beholde my sister pointing to hir with his finger who must nédes knowe it if it were so for I passe euerie nyght throughe hir Chamber to myne and therefore let hir speake hir woorst and openly if this be not true This same Doctor that in one yeere was become so wyse receyued a certayne scedule or little scroll from the Byshoppe of Paris and the Officiall wherein was written the names of sundry y t he shoulde excommunicate which by chance he let fall into a little hole of hys Pulpit for remedie whereof he helped himselfe with this pestilent practize as one y e with the losse of the Paper had lykewise lost the remembrance of their names whom he shoulde excommunicate And therefore sayde I excommunicate all those that are within that hole and yet in the ende remembryng himselfe better of the matter he excepted the Byshoppe and the Officiall who had subscribed to the same This gallant who gloried not a little in his rotten lerning before it was ripe being but of one yeres growth approued in his Sermon Purgatorie by the example of of his Male horse confoundyng all those that woulde saye the contrarie although sundrie others
noted howe euidentlye and impudentlye they didde mocke the pore Idiots in that age For when they did opē the shop of their shamelesse relikes how boldly would they brag of their rotten merchandize As behold here in this viole the bloud of our sauiour Christ gathered togither vnder the Crosse by the virgin Mary And in thys other viole is the teares of our Redéemer that hée dydde shedde on the Crosse when he behelde his pitifull mother Here is the milke of our Ladies breastes the haire of hir head and the sooadling bandes wherewith she firste rolled Christe at his byrth And in this bottle whyche may not in any wise be opened is the very breath of Iesus Chryste curiously kepte by his mother euer since hée was a lyttle one As a Priest at Gene returning from Iewrie affyrmed he brought wyth him of the same breath and from Mount Synay the hornes of Moses These shamelesse shewes of theyr trumperie if anye did finde faulte or speake against them be was condemned for an heretike For it was they wold say allowed and confirmed by the Popes Holinesse to be most true and therefore damnable to thinke the contrary I leaue to recite their infinite store of trash which by their runnagate Pardoners were made as vendible as these As one that carried about the relikes of Saint Hubart to iustifie the vertue of them bashed not with moste blasphemie to affyrme that if the holy Ghost were bitten with a mad dog he would come to Saint Hubart to be healed Among this rabblement of Relickes I must néedes intrude one myracle performed in the person of a Iesuite who to obserue the straight lawes of their religion had his Concubine close in his bed to help him say his Mattins at midnight And his boy or Nouice comming vp in the morning by chance they both asléepe he saw foure naked féete hang out of the bed whereat he was so amazed as he sodainely put his head out at the windowe and mainely cryed ho come sée a myracle for my Mayster hathe foure legges And further to shewe their aucthoritie for the proofe of their Images which they honored with reuerēce due only to God it will euery way appéere to be as bad as absurde as y e rest For a Legate of the Popes to the orientall Churches didde alleadge for Saintes the texte of Moses God created Man to his owne Image and therefore hée affirmed we ought to haue Images An other to proue that Images muste be vppon the Aultare brought in the 5. of Mathewe for a witnesse where Christe sayeth that none lighteth a Candle and couereth it with a bushell but setteth it vppon a candle sticke to light al the house with An other alleadging that the sight of Images was profitable bringeth the 4. Psalme for proofe The light of thy countenaunce O Lorde is marked vpon vs. And Theodorus brought in this suttletie It is written that God is maruellous in his Saintes And therfore he would haue vs to contemplate his glory in Images And one affirmed this similitude that as the Patriarkes vsed the sacrifice of the Infidels so Christians ought to haue Images in lieu of their Idols Here you may sée their faire allegations approued by some of their generall counsels and preched in their common sermons by which places of Scripture they abused sundrie of good capacitie and iudgement And yet the simplest might sée how farre they erred from the true meaning of the Text. A Sorbonist Doctor named Demochares of late yeares at the Conuention of Poissi in Fraunce pleading in the defence of Images agaynste a minister of Gods worde when he was sette agrounde and sawe hys owne ouerthrowe he shamed not to take holde on this allegation gation That the Church of Saint Benets in Poissi was builded in the time of Saint Denise and there was images in the glasse Windowes Ergo there were Images in Sainte Denise time you haue wel aunsweared sayd the Minister with a good grace like a Doctour and with matter sufficiēt pertinent to the purpose but that the best substaunce of your brittle authority is altogither of glasse With what sorts of superstition dyd they leade the world when they made so deare sale of these fantastike sightes or rather infernall vanities compelling the simple people sometime to honor the presence of hys image here whose soule was with the Diuell elsewhere As an auntiente Doctour writeth Multorum corpora adorantur in terris quorum animae cruciantur in infernis How were they blinded with the filthy and most stinking sinne of Idolatry when in time of most peril and at the instant of their deathes euery one had some peculiar Saint to call vpon and such they were commonly as in theyr liues they did most deuotion and honor vnto cleane forgetting God in the merite of hys sonne Iesus Christ As Erasmus making mention of a shipwracke sheweth that when the maister of the shippe saw no remedy but the losse of all and willyng euerye man passengers with him to prepare to dye declaring the assured peril they were in some called vppon one Saint some vpon another euery one according to y e hope he had in theyr priuate help and one among the rest desired hys S. Christopher to remēber hym promysing that he would present him with a Taper light as long and as great as the Maste of the ship another stāding by hearing his offer who knew his termes and state very wel said how canst thou performe thy vow when al y e welth thou hast is not worth so much waxe as y e Mast is big to whom he replyed speaking it softly that S. Christopher shoulde not heare hym saying hold thy peace friend I wil promise much to haue his helpe now but if I get once to shore I will scant giue him a Candle as big as my finger Not much vnlike vnto this was y e pleasaunt parte of a Tayler of Florence who had a long time with great deuotion honored the Image of Saint Baptist and one daye on both his knées he hūbly desired to know whether his wife at any time had wantonly abused him and what fortune should folow his only son A yong Nouice trayned vp to al knauishe toyes happened to ouer-heare his petition who stepped behinde the Aultar and fayning the voyce of Saint Iohn aunswered him My deare friend and faithfull folower for thy long reuerent worshipping deuotion thou haste done vnto me I will truely tell thée thy wife hath ofte horned thy head and thy son shal be shortly hanged wherefore departe in peace since thy Prayers be hearde whereat our Florentine entring into a great rage did rise toke his leaue wythout a farewel but when he was a little past from him vsing no reuerence of Cappe or knée he turned and saide what art thou for a Saint the Nouice aunswered I am thy Saint Baptist My Saint quoth he thou art the diuel a lier foule mouthed and a slaunderer