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A42749 The post-boy rob'd of his mail, or, The pacquet broke open consisting of five hundred letters to persons of several qualities and conditions, with observations upon each letter / publish'd by a gentleman concern'd in the frolick. Gildon, Charles, 1665-1724.; Dunton, John, 1659-1733.; Pallavicino, Ferrante, 1615-1644. 1692 (1692) Wing G735A; ESTC R30411 212,135 446

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or three Books of Physic to furnish thee with Terms and half a dozen old Wives Receipts to ●ell at thy 〈◊〉 price and also some easie Tract of Astrology that may instruct you in the Art of bantering the ordulous and those that are mad for Futurity 〈◊〉 ambiguous words and hard Terms above their C●pacity of Understanding any Scratches will 〈◊〉 for a Scheme and the Names of the Plane●s which you may learn from an Almanac get you 〈◊〉 reputation of a profound Artist Let your 〈◊〉 be worded ●illyer than Saffolds or his Succes●● and all the Fools in Town will come by sympathy to thee and so we shall have thee dye as Alderman This Advice I look upon a hundred times more worth than the Guinea I send you The Event will shew how much I am thy re●● Friend S. Gilman Good wholsome Advice this said Chappel Right assum'd Brook and smil'd for he 's to deal 〈…〉 Health of the People A Quack said Temple may be thought of the same Class with Sin for he has the same wages Death But answer'd Fountain 〈◊〉 Death that 's the wages of Sin a man can't live by as the P●rson observ'd True assum'd Summe● but Death the wages of a Quack brings in a very good Livelihood These Quacks said Grave 〈◊〉 the Pest and Shame of the Common-wealth who 〈◊〉 five pound can purchase a Licence to kill and 〈◊〉 the People They are rather reply'd I the 〈◊〉 of the Common-wealth clear●ng it of 〈◊〉 Distempers for they destroy none but Fools But 〈◊〉 Winter they are but ineffectual Purgations 〈◊〉 for they leave a great deal of the Disease behind 〈◊〉 replied River is because Fools are of such a spreading quality that they have diff●●●d themselves thro●● the whole Body politic and therefore incurable Besides concluded Church if they made a 〈…〉 they must poyson themselves too after they 〈◊〉 lost the Trade of the whole Tribe But I am of 〈◊〉 Physic being of so uncertain and 〈◊〉 nature that the most learned seldom 〈…〉 the Disease 〈…〉 LETTER XCVI From a Gentleman in Town to his Friend in the Country complaining of the Spungers that thrust themselves into his Gompany 'T was directed to Mr. Alford near Futhringham in Kent Dear Sir London June 1692. NOT the Knaveries nor Lewdness of the Town you have so much urg'd against my 〈◊〉 stay here has given me this Resolution of 〈◊〉 into the Country but the intolerable 〈◊〉 of Spungers which like the Locusts of ●●ypt are blown on me by I know not what wind 〈◊〉 Vermin will soon eat up my Estate if grea●● than 't is and whilst I feed them with substan●●● Meat and Drink they feed me with empty 〈◊〉 or nauseous Jests I believe sometimes ●●●y think because I have an Estate I ought to 〈◊〉 them that have none but they are mistaken 〈◊〉 not yet arriv'd to that Christian Perfection of 〈◊〉 all and giving it to the Poor or if I were ●●●●uld never chuse Sots Buffoons and Bullies the partakers of that Distribution In short since 〈◊〉 there is no Remedy to keep free from these 〈◊〉 that stick so close to Quality and men of 〈◊〉 but by being as impudent as them which 〈◊〉 be or leaving the place where they grow 〈◊〉 resolv'd to marry and retire to a good peaceable able quiet Country Life I know you 'l be pleas'd with my Resolution whatever is the cause of 〈◊〉 and that was the reason I gave you this Trouble who am Sir your Servant Wanly Spunging is such a slavish low thing said Temple that a man of any spirit can ne'r be guilty of it Right pursu'd River to sneak to e'ery Fool for a little Meat and Drink to cringe to e'ery menial Servant of those he spunges on rather than endeavour to get a generous and unprecarious Living by his own Industry since Nature is not so veracious as to require more than a man is able to provide I had rather said Chappel dine at a Three-penny Ordinary at my own expence than at a Lord's Table Spungers indeed said Brook are a lazy sl●thful Generati●● and yet like the Devil they are continually rovi●g about to seek whom they may devour Impudence i● their chief Qualification pursu'd Church and 〈◊〉 that is not harden'd to all Affronts in Nature will never live by 't True added Fountain he must be the patient Subject of all the I●sts of the Company Yet said Winter they shall drink as much eat as much and call in as much at a Tavern as any in the Company but for paying they are ●our humble Servant They like Vermin said Gr●ve suck the Venom of S●ciety and live upon the Superst●ities of Conversatio● They must pursu'd I flatter Fools and Knaves and study Iests to tickle the Conceit of this Esq and th●● overgrown Alderman True concluded Summer● but indifferent ones will serve for one of these 〈…〉 for such many of this Class pass for 〈◊〉 to a Lord 's to Dinner having labour'd his Brai● hard ●ll the way for a Iest to pay for his Treat he seem'd s●mething dull How now Tom says the Lord what 's the matter with you I 'm like a Door re●●●ed the Wit Like a Door quoth the Lord pray explain Why I 'm off the Hinges return'd the ●it The Lord laugh'd till his sides crack'd the Wit 〈◊〉 and got a good Dinner and a Flask of good Cl●ret in his Gutts and the damn'd Iest has plagu'd 〈◊〉 Town e'er since And to say truth he 's a Door off the ●inges still and ever will be as well as all of this 〈◊〉 LETTER XCVII From a Country Parson to his Friend in London that desir'd him to write an Elegy for nothing upon the Death of one of his Relations that dy'd and left him a good Estate 'T was directed thus To Monsieur Boleau Bookseller at his House in the Pall-mall London Monsieur WITH all the Humility and Submission imaginable as becomes a poor Country Parson towards a London Gentleman of the newest edition I congratulate the occasion of your Gentility not be●ng at all surpriz'd that the largeness of your Mind bears such proportion to that of your Estate But is it possible you should honour your poor quo●da● Drudge and Author with not only demanding an Elegy from him on your late kind deceased Relation but even to accept it gratis too Well it had been incredible in any but a Soul so surprizingly great as yours Send it Yes with all the Passion the Ferment the Eagerness the Salt the Flame the Fire of my Soul I 'll send it it shall come yea even now unless Dinner abruptly talk before my Pen dare lift it self from the Paper and I shall therein endeavour pedetentim to follow those curious hints you give me in your last for my direction Have-at it then this very minute NO Muse in vain is all Apology 〈◊〉 must you shall produce an Elegy Don't hang an● A I tell the donnet Nor simp'ring cry I can't I wonnot
Madam how happy are we in so pure and undefil'd a Love by which Souls mingle e'ery minute in the highest extafie of Union without the impeding help if I may use that seeming contradiction of our Bodies Immortal must our Flame be since the immortal part of us is only interested in it The cause of Inconstancy in Common Love is the Body which being of so changeable a nature 't is impossible it should retain any thing long which has the least dependance upon it But the Soul that is still the same must still persevere in the affection it has once made choice of Wonder not at the Expression Madam for our Loves are the effects of Choice not Fancy Virtue and Wit engage us but Beauty and Vice them both frail and fading as the Joys they bring But ours Madam is the Love of Angels sacred Sympathy unites our Souls and mutual Virtues cement our holy Vows not only till Death but even to the next Life of Glory for it being a Native of Heav'n it cannot lose its Being by returning thither but rather improve it to a greater degree than it could attain here oppos'd by the cloggs of gross material bodies for like Fruits transplanted from a warm to a colder Climate 't is less perfect here tho it still retain its form tast and other Excellencies of its Heav'●●● Nature tho not in so exalted a degree Uninterrupted Joy is the Product of our Passion if it merit so gross a Name without any mixture of Pa●n 't is like the Vestal Fire burning without material Fuel whereas the other dyes and is soon extinguish'd if depriv'd of its Fuel Beauty and the auxiliary Bellows of Strifes and petty Squabbles so small and so unhappy is their Pleasure that they can't arrive at or relish it unless they first and often tast of Pain Satiety attends their Success and Quarrels serve for Exercise to gain them a fresh Appetite 'T would be endless to run through all the Advantages we have above them and impertinent to you who are so sensible of them Nor need I caution you how to preserve the Empire you have obtain'd over your Body since you know the Body is a true Coward where it has the mastery being a Tyrant but where 't is overpower'd easily kept in serv●le awe I shall therefore only now subscribe my self Madam Your Admirer and zealous Lover A. James My Life on 't said Chappel this is some antiquated Batchelor whose Sins of his Youth have made him abominate Matrimony Or rather interrupted Brook disabled him from Matrimonial Performances and therefore prudently pursu'd Temple hides his bodily defect under the Mask of Platonic Love And she some super animated Matron said River that has been neglected in a carnal way even by her own Coachman Right assum'd Grave a Woman never forgets the Flesh till her Skin 's turn'd into Buckram by Age. Nor then neither added Winter if she can ●ake it subtile and smooth to some younger Brother by her Fortune This Lady therefore said Summer must be poor as well as old she would never else take up with empty Alms of Passion meer words 'T is well said I she can make a Virtue of Necessity and fly to the Spirit when she can't make use of the Flesh. Platonic Love said Church if we may judge by the Founder's words is not without its secret Heaut●●ust of the Flesh I 'm sure Plato seems to relish the Kiss of Agatho with all the fire of the most amorous Debauchee Right concluded Fountain 't is only a demure Bawd to secret whoring they being the greatest Friends to the Flesh in a Corner who espouse the Spirit so much in the face of the World LETTER LXIV From one beyond Sea expressing his desire of returning to his own native Country 'T was directed to Mr. Gregory at his House in Charles-street Westminster London Honour'd Master Hague June 1692. THE Obligations I have to you engage me to return my Thanks as often as I may without being too chargeable or too troublesome to you I am asham'd to let you know on how ill-deservi●● a Subject you have plac'd all your Favours for must confess I had rather be confin'd to my nati●● low condition in my own Country than have th● Place of Preferment you were so generously plea●● to obtain for me The Splendor of the Court whe● 't is here nor the Civilities of the Natives or m● own Countrymen nay scarce the Advantages ● Interest can make amends for the loss of old E●gland the hopes of seeing which after the Cam●●pagn is over keeps me alive With my Respect● and Duty to my Mistriss and your self I subscrib● my self SIR Your ever oblig'd humble and faithful Servant John Robinson Here 's one said Grave eaten up with the Epidemic Distemper of Mankind The doting adde● Brook on ones own Country Which is better reply'd Temple in my mind than that Contempt 〈◊〉 men shew for the place of their birth The love of one native Country pursu'd River● has such a sw●● ascendant over us that it will not let us forget it 〈◊〉 the greatest plenty nor in the remotest parts of the World True continu'd Fountain and we measure the fulness of our Happiness by the distance or near●ness it sets us in from thence The Pleasures an Grandeur of old Rome were scarce Bribes enough sai●● Church to win the Captives from a desire of the● own barren Country There 's no greater Proof of thi● added Summer than the Inhabitants of some of th● most Northern parts of Norway where one would wo●● 〈◊〉 any of human race should endure to live the inso●●nce of the winds being there so great that it blows way the tops of Houses and Trees up by the Roots at the People chuse rather to live there in Caves like ●easts than to seek some more Hospitable abode Espe●●ally said Chappel since the World is so wide and ● much of the finest Country in the World uninhabited ● some parts of America But pursu'd I this is ●ot so terrible as to live near the Mountains Vesa●ius or Aetna the very reading of the account Pliny 〈◊〉 younger gives of the fiery Inundation in his twen●●eth Letter of his sixth Book to Cornelius Tacitus ●ould make a man have a care of coming within some ●agues of it But this ●ondness of the Country we are ●orn in concluded Winter seems to me a piece of ●igottry since it goes so far beyond what Reasin re●uires and since the whole World is the Country of a ●ise man LETTER LXV From a Coward to his intimate Friend to assist him to gain the Reputation of a man of Courage by parting him in a Duel be must be engag'd in 'T was directed to Mr. at Mr. Herd's near Tunbridge-wells in Kent With care and Speed Dear NED London June 1692. THE confidence I put in you when you read this Letter which is to desire your immediate return to London for I happen'd to be in company last night
generally being to find themselves worthy to be taken notice of Nor ought we said Church to degrade our Reason as oft as e'ry Fool in our Company does his You are under a mistake said Temple if you think they disagree for empty Fame for 't is for its present advantage they hate one another Right concluded Brook for the Authors of Antiquity had a better Correspondence when the Roman Wits were so ready to correct one anothers Performances as is evident from the Advice of Horace in his Art of Poetry And from Pliny's Epistles Book 3d. Ep. 15. Book 4. Ep. 14. Ep. 26. Book 5th Epist. 10. and 11. and 13. and several other places of his Letters in which we find both him submitting his Works to the Correction of others and Tacitus and others requiring the same Office of him 'T were to be wish'd for the good of the Publick that this were still observ'd we should not be pester'd then with so many impertinent Pamphlets LETTER LXXV Giving an Account of a Funeral Direc●●ed to Mr. Dorm near Sennock Kent Loving Cousin Gracechurch-stree● June 169● SR Peter was bury'd last Night in St. Gile's in 〈◊〉 Fields with no less Solemnity than he lay 〈◊〉 State a Fortnight before There were the Heral●● with their Coats of Arms six Men on Horse 〈◊〉 with Flags and all the Hearse adorn'd with Srea●●ers and Escuteons I counted an hundred 〈◊〉 ten Coaches forty with six Horses and ninetee● with four and the rest with two A great Doct●● preach'd his Funeral Sermon but I do not 〈◊〉 know his Name There is to be they say a 〈◊〉 famous Tomb erected over him out of hand 〈◊〉 much for the dead and now for the living if tho●● may be call'd so that are dead to you Two 〈◊〉 your Tenants in Spittle-fields went off yesterd●● into the Mint and got off most of their Good● but my Son coming by prevented the rest whic● is something tho' of small value My Sister B●●r●ughs is very ill nor am I very well who am ● SIR Your Loving Kinsman Lemuel Kidder Of all the Vanities of Mankind said Winter ●●rtainly there is none more vain than this affectation 〈◊〉 Pomp and Splendor ev'n after death Right ad●●ed Grave when we are no longer sensible of the 〈◊〉 the admiration of the Vulgar brings us There 〈◊〉 some excuse said Church for our Ambition whilst 〈◊〉 live True added Summer for we may be 〈◊〉 of a pleasure to see our self serv'd lov'd and 〈◊〉 by our Brother-Mortals But pursu'd Tem●●e after the cold hand of Death has damp'd all those 〈◊〉 Enjoyments to serve up our Carcass with such a ●●●remony to the Worms is unaccountable For my 〈◊〉 said I I shall never be sollicitous what becomes 〈◊〉 my Body when my Soul has left it Nor I pur●●●d Brook the Survivers will for their own sakes 〈◊〉 ●are to bury me Methinks said Chappel 't is 〈◊〉 ●illy to go with all that Formality to our Goal 〈◊〉 we are added Fountain only to rott This 〈◊〉 concluded River as 't is the last so 't is of a 〈◊〉 with the rest of the Glories of Mankind a 〈◊〉 amusement LETTER LXXVI ●●om a young Student about an Apparition Directed to Mr. Molins to be left for him at Jonathan's Coffee-house near the Royal Exchange London Honour'd Sir Cambridg June 1692. Here was a strange thing happen'd last night in our College which was this A very sober 〈◊〉 man sitting late up to study about One a Clock saw his Candle burn blew and in a minute went out At the same time he heard a Noise at his Door like the snarling of three or four Doggs presently after the Door burst open of its own accord and there came in with Flambeaux in their Hands three or four Boys in a green Livery after them follow'd a Huntsman with his Horn and his Pack of Hounds and after them a Gentleman on Horseback who seem'd to pass over his Study out of the Window as he supposes for he sunk qui●e down out of his Chair for fear but he was not come to himself again above two minutes when thinking to run into the next Chamber he was stopt at the Door by a lusty Fellow that had Horns and Hair much like the Description we have of the Furies struggling to get from him he beat hard against the Door which rouz'd two of his next Neighbors who calling to him and he answering but very faintly they both came out to him and found him in a Swoon but saw nothing being brought to himself he gave ●em this account and afterward I had the same from his own Mouth What to think of it I know not whether it be the effect of his own melancholy Imagination or a real Apparition but there are four of us are resolv'd to sit up with him to night and then you may expect a better account of the matter from him who is SIR Your humble Servant and obliged Nephew R. Molins These Apparitions said Chappel are wholly unaccountable things to me And to me too added Fountain That the Dead or the Devil said Temple should have nothing to do but to play Jac Pudding Tricks is something strange And that added Brook only to fright Fools and old Women without any advantage to either the Living or the Dead Right pursu'd Summer for the state of the Dead being either eternally happy or eternally miserable what Ease or advance of Glory can it be to them to ●●form some Slip of theirs in Mortality But if Oppression continu'd Church Cheats and the like were suffici●nt to make the Dead walk to make Restitution why does not all the Knaves that dye so return and put an end to their Villanies That indeed said River would save many a Law-suit And ●ake many an honest Family happy said Winter which else are fain to save themselves from starving by the Charity of others or their own Industry tho' not b●rn nor bred to labour I must confess said I that the Proofs Mr. Glanvil brings being from the confession of old doting Women and ignorant Laplanders seem not very convincing yet when I hear a learned Roman assuring us of Matter of Fact it al●ost perswades me to believe it tho like him I am to seek the Cause and Reason of it I mean Pliny the younger who in his Epistle to Sura gives an account of 2 or 3 Apparitions Tho ev'n so learned a man as the Philosopher he mentions might be deceiv'd since I was acq●ainted with a Doctor of Divinity who tho in his ●●turnal Studies he had seen something in the shape of a Woman come and draw open his Curtains and stare upon him and shutting them again retire yet would 〈◊〉 believe but that it was the effect of Fancy only But the account that Pliny gives of the Apparitions he mentions concluded Grave is so very circumstantial that it could not be the effect of melancholy Thoughts form'd out of our Fear To omit therefore the business of Curtius