father_n holdekeeper_n so_o as_o it_o be_v a_o mother_n to_o ten_o child_n a_o mistress_n over_o six_o servant_n none_o to_o do_v any_o thing_n without_o my_o command_n or_o consent_n be_v as_o it_o be_v my_o father_n right_a hand_n from_o who_o i_o have_v this_o authority_n it_o do_v not_o only_o stop_v my_o sorrow_n but_o cause_v a_o exceed_a juyful_a pride_n or_o proud_a joy_n to_o seize_v upon_o my_o heart_n see_v myself_o aâ—_n it_o be_v advance_v be_v respect_v among_o the_o chief_a of_o the_o parish_n who_o be_v my_o mother_n a_o companion_n i_o represent_v her_o person_n when_o i_o be_v among_o they_o then_o begin_v the_o care_n of_o the_o worlâ—_n and_o the_o deceivableness_n of_o vanity_n to_o seize_v upon_o my_o heart_n and_o make_v i_o forget_v my_o former_a order_n promise_n and_o intention_n and_o thus_o i_o spend_v almost_o seven_o year_n cumber_v about_o many_o thing_n but_o quite_o neglect_v that_o one_o thing_n which_o iâ—_n needful_a about_o this_o time_n it_o please_v god_n to_o take_v my_o father_n from_o i_o upon_o a_o sudden_a i_o ask_v my_o heart_n what_o be_v the_o cause_n of_o my_o father_n death_n it_o make_v answer_v thus_o because_o thou_o have_v sin_v against_o god_n thou_o have_v not_o only_o omit_v much_o good_a but_o thou_o have_v coâ—…itted_v much_o evil_n thou_o have_v spend_v thy_o time_n idle_o and_o loose_o and_o for_o thy_o sake_n all_o thy_o brother_n and_o sister_n be_v now_o make_v fatherless_a and_o motherless_a thâ—…_n consideration_n make_v such_o a_o deep_a impression_n upon_o thy_o spirit_n that_o i_o refuse_v all_o coâ—…fort_n for_o half_a a_o year_n cry_v out_o continual_o my_o sin_n my_o sin_n woe_n be_v i_o my_o sin_n be_v demand_v by_o divers_a godly_a friend_n and_o reverend_a divine_n what_o those_o sin_n be_v which_o so_o much_o trouble_v i_o i_o tell_v they_o sin_n of_o omission_n sin_n of_o omission_n they_o will_v persuade_v i_o that_o i_o be_v young_a and_o that_o i_o have_v not_o year_n enough_o over_o my_o head_n to_o be_v guilty_a of_o so_o many_o sâ—…s_n by_o omission_n that_o need_v so_o much_o sorrow_n i_o tell_v they_o that_o i_o be_v old_a enough_o to_o offend_v god_n and_o to_o provoke_v he_o to_o anger_n indeed_o i_o can_v not_o give_v so_o ready_a account_n of_o my_o sin_n of_o evil_n commit_v and_o of_o good_a omit_v but_o though_o they_o never_o take_v notice_n of_o my_o sin_n yet_o my_o heart_n be_v witness_v against_o i_o thus_o i_o weary_v all_o my_o friend_n with_o my_o excessive_a sorrow_n who_o know_v not_o what_o to_o do_v for_o i_o more_o than_o they_o have_v do_v with_o one_o consent_n they_o send_v i_o up_o to_o london_n persuade_v i_o that_o the_o word_n of_o god_n be_v more_o plentiful_o preach_v there_o which_o make_v i_o willing_a to_o come_v but_o miss_v of_o my_o brother_n to_o who_o i_o be_v send_v to_o be_v provide_v for_o and_o resolve_v to_o wait_v upon_o some_o gentlewoman_n until_o i_o can_v with_o conveniency_n return_v down_o again_o god_n by_o his_o providence_n bring_v i_o to_o the_o wife_n of_o dr._n page_n minister_n of_o debtford_n from_o who_o i_o receive_v great_a comfort_n but_o in_o a_o short_a time_n god_n take_v he_o from_o we_o all_o who_o death_n be_v great_o lament_v i_o find_v much_o favour_n and_o love_n from_o all_o that_o know_v i_o and_o most_o especial_o from_o mris._n page_n who_o for_o three_o year_n and_o a_o half_a will_v not_o suffer_v i_o to_o be_v away_o from_o she_o one_o day_n at_o the_o end_n of_o which_o time_n i_o be_v marry_v to_o her_o elder_a son_n than_o live_v we_o have_v not_o be_v long_o marry_v and_o my_o husband_n receive_v his_o portion_n but_o we_o take_v a_o house_n in_o westminster_n intend_v to_o take_v some_o honest_a course_n for_o a_o livelihood_n but_o there_o god_n know_v we_o fall_v acquaint_v with_o some_o company_n which_o do_v not_o only_o cause_v much_o time_n to_o be_v spend_v in_o idleness_n but_o almost_o all_o our_o mean_n one_o man_n especial_o who_o give_v his_o mind_n to_o drink_v and_o other_o vice_n more_o than_o any_o good_a he_o i_o say_v be_v never_o well_o content_v without_o my_o husband_n company_n see_v imminent_a danger_n to_o hang_v over_o our_o head_n by_o reason_n of_o this_o course_n of_o life_n i_o great_o desire_v my_o husband_n to_o refrain_v that_o man_n company_n or_o at_o least_o not_o to_o suffer_v he_o to_o come_v so_o often_o home_n to_o our_o house_n this_o i_o beg_v upon_o my_o knee_n with_o tear_n but_o can_v not_o prevail_v then_o do_v the_o devil_n set_v his_o foot_n into_o my_o heart_n and_o persuade_v i_o that_o by_o the_o commit_n of_o one_o sin_n i_o shall_v prevent_v many_o and_o so_o stir_v i_o up_o to_o murder_v he_o to_o which_o suggestion_n i_o cowardly_o yield_v and_o seek_v all_o opportunity_n to_o perform_v this_o wicked_a act_n here_o i_o deny_v my_o master_n christ_n in_o the_o high_a of_o this_o hatred_n in_o my_o sleep_n i_o think_v i_o be_v in_o a_o very_a large_a chamber_n sit_v behind_o a_o table_n cover_v with_o a_o green_a carpet_n upon_o which_o lie_v all_o manner_n of_o instrument_n which_o proclaim_v death_n sudden_o the_o man_n come_v into_o the_o chamber_n who_o so_o soon_o as_o i_o espy_v to_o be_v alone_o catch_v up_o a_o weapon_n in_o my_o hand_n i_o resolve_v there_o to_o commit_v the_o horrid_a act_n of_o murder_n upon_o his_o body_n but_o god_n who_o watch_v over_o he_o whether_o they_o sleep_v or_o walte_n and_o work_v by_o mean_n and_o without_o mean_n which_o way_n he_o please_v at_o that_o time_n put_v a_o end_n to_o all_o my_o revengeful_a thought_n and_o cause_v i_o to_o hear_v a_o voice_n in_o my_o ear_n say_v vengeance_n be_v i_o to_o which_o voice_n i_o answer_v aloud_o and_o thou_o will_v repay_v o_o lord_n then_o wake_v hear_v myself_o speak_v i_o be_v in_o very_o good_a charity_n with_o he_o and_o leave_v my_o wrong_n to_o god_n but_o reflect_v upon_o my_o own_o heart_n there_o i_o find_v not_o only_o these_o but_o a_o whole_a nest_n of_o most_o diabolical_a and_o wicked_a intention_n which_o my_o god_n be_v please_v by_o his_o prevent_a grace_n to_o smother_v in_o their_o birth_n for_o i_o no_o soon_o have_v conclude_v that_o i_o will_v fulfil_v my_o own_o heart_n lust_n although_o i_o suffcred_a all_o the_o punishment_n due_a for_o such_o and_o such_o like_a sin_n wherein_o i_o run_v away_o from_o my_o captain_n yet_o for_o all_o this_o he_o have_v a_o favour_n towards_o i_o and_o send_v a_o herald_n after_o i_o to_o bring_v i_o back_o again_o but_o than_o begin_v a_o fresh_a batteâ—_n for_o my_o god_n come_v as_o it_o wear_v to_o see_v what_o use_n i_o have_v make_v of_o the_o talon_n that_o he_o have_v give_v i_o he_o find_v it_o not_o only_o wrap_v up_o in_o a_o napkin_n but_o exceed_o abuse_v and_o search_v my_o heart_n what_o find_v he_o there_o but_o a_o sink_n of_o sin_n a_o cage_n of_o unclean_a bird_n and_o den_n of_o thief_n a_o place_n for_o dragon_n for_o the_o scritchowl_a and_o for_o the_o satire_n these_o have_v take_v full_a possession_n there_o be_v no_o room_n for_o my_o god_n they_o keep_v he_o out_o and_o what_o do_v they_o there_o but_o make_v it_o like_o a_o trouble_a sea_n first_o tell_v i_o my_o sin_n be_v great_a than_o can_v be_v forgive_v do_v thou_o not_o know_v say_v they_o that_o thy_o thought-sin_n be_v sufficient_a to_o damn_v thou_o although_o thou_o have_v never_o commit_v any_o actual_o do_v not_o the_o scripture_n say_v plain_o if_o a_o man_n lust_n after_o a_o woman_n he_o have_v commit_v adultery_n which_o commandment_n be_v break_v bring_v death_n i_o than_o take_v a_o view_n of_o all_o the_o ten_o commandment_n write_v in_o the_o moral_a law_n to_o see_v which_o of_o they_o i_o have_v break_v and_o which_o i_o have_v keep_v i_o find_v they_o all_o break_a and_o at_o the_o end_n of_o every_o one_o be_v write_v death_n and_o not_o only_o those_o but_o those_o sweet_a command_n of_o my_o saviour_n jesus_n christ_n wherein_o he_o bid_v we_o watch_v and_o pray_v for_o your_o enemy_n seed_n the_o hungry_a clothe_v the_o naked_a love_v one_o another_o all_o which_o i_o have_v likewise_o break_v which_o make_v i_o to_o see_v nothing_o to_o remain_v for_o i_o but_o death_n and_o damnation_n cargue_v then_o with_o myself_o on_o this_o wise_a i_o have_v read_v and_o i_o have_v hear_v that_o almighty_a god_n which_o by_o his_o power_n make_v heaven_n and_o earth_n and_o all_o therein_o have_v send_v his_o son_n to_o die_v for_o sinner_n and_o that_o there_o be_v hope_n through_o his_o death_n that_o i_o shall_v get_v pardon_n i_o have_v no_o soon_o cast_v my_o eye_n upon_o my_o
my_o own_o feather_n liave_v not_o above_o three_o shilling_n in_o my_o pocket_n to_o travel_v up_o and_o down_o with_o in_o strange_a country_n in_o the_o midst_n of_o winter_n so_o that_o i_o be_v often_o up_o to_o the_o knee_n in_o snow_n whilst_o the_o very_a icicle_n hang_v on_o my_o hair_n and_o cheek_n which_o a_o shower_n of_o tear_n will_v sometime_o thaw_v false_v abundant_o from_o i_o in_o the_o open_a field_n and_o highway_n where_o none_o but_o god_n be_v witness_v of_o they_o i_o many_o time_n use_v to_o beg_v at_o poor_a house_n and_o cottage_n that_o i_o may_v come_v in_o to_o warm_v and_o dry_v i_o or_o for_o a_o draught_n of_o small_a beer_n which_o will_v make_v some_o poor_a soul_n fall_v a_o weep_a to_o see_v i_o after_o many_o danger_n and_o trouble_n i_o foot_v it_o as_o far_o as_o cambridge_n where_o i_o seek_v from_o one_o college_n to_o another_o to_o be_v but_o a_o sizer_n or_o poor_a scholar_n my_o little_a stock_n of_o money_n be_v all_o go_v but_o the_o servitor_n of_o kings-colledge_n of_o which_o i_o be_v one_o before_o be_v dismiss_v i_o can_v get_v no_o place_n and_o i_o have_v no_o money_n and_o want_a bread_n insomuch_o that_o i_o be_v force_v for_o life_n to_o try_v all_o thing_n and_o to_o eat_v leather_n old_a quill_n and_o pen_n which_o i_o pick_v up_o out_o of_o the_o dust_n and_o dunghill_n and_o roast_v in_o a_o few_o coal_n which_o be_v leave_v in_o the_o chamber_n where_o i_o be_v yea_o at_o length_n i_o try_v to_o eat_v grass_n and_o do_v it_o and_o my_o drink_n be_v only_o fair_a water_n nay_o i_o grow_v to_o that_o height_n of_o penury_n and_o famine_n that_o i_o try_v to_o eat_v my_o own_o finger_n bite_v they_o till_o i_o can_v endure_v it_o no_o long_o then_o tear_v my_o hair_n and_o cry_v i_o have_v recourse_n to_o prayer_n whereby_o my_o passion_n will_v sometime_o be_v allay_v for_o the_o present_a this_o continue_a so_o long_o that_o i_o meet_v with_o temptation_n in_o this_o wilderness_n to_o try_v to_o turn_v stone_n into_o bread_n the_o devil_n often_o ternpt_v i_o to_o study_v necromancy_n magic_a conjuration_n or_o the_o black_a art_n as_o it_o be_v call_v and_o to_o make_v a_o league_n with_o he_o and_o then_o i_o shall_v never_o want_v but_o have_v bag_n of_o gold_n and_o silver_n and_o be_v own_v by_o my_o friend_n and_o honour_a of_o all_o man_n and_o return_v hoâ—ce_n with_o great_a respect_n and_o riches_n yet_o the_o lord_n will_v not_o suffer_v i_o to_o hearken_v to_o he_o but_o to_o resist_v and_o tell_v he_o thou_o be_v a_o liar_n from_o the_o beginning_n away_o thou_o malicious_a accuser_n of_o the_o brethren_n tempt_v i_o not_o for_o thou_o do_v do_v thus_o to_o my_o bless_a lord_n and_o master_n jesus_n christ_n but_o he_o overcome_v thou_o and_o so_o i_o trust_v shall_v i_o by_o his_o strength_n and_o power_n then_o i_o pray_v and_o read_v the_o scripture_n and_o write_v holy_a meditation_n and_o soul_n soliloquy_n on_o the_o 88_o psalm_n with_o several_a other_o divine_a contemplation_n upon_o dives_n and_o lazarus_n etc._n etc._n all_o in_o verse_n very_o pathetical_a and_o tragical_a suitable_a to_o my_o condition_n under_o several_a temptation_n so_o that_o in_o stead_n of_o astrological_a and_o magical_a study_n i_o bend_v my_o mind_n to_o sacred_a meditation_n soul_n comfort_v angelical_a and_o evangelical_n contemplation_n yet_o i_o continue_v under_o strong_a temptation_n but_o to_o the_o praise_n of_o god_n i_o speak_v it_o i_o think_v i_o be_v never_o a_o more_o grow_a christian_a then_o after_o satan_n have_v these_o repulse_n but_o i_o must_v not_o omit_v to_o declare_v that_o i_o have_v one_o dreadful_a temptation_n first_o which_o be_v almost_o irrecoverable_a have_v i_o not_o be_v prevent_v wonderful_o even_o as_o i_o be_v upon_o the_o execution_n thereof_o for_o find_v myself_o almost_o starve_v to_o death_n my_o strength_n near_o go_v my_o eye_n sink_v deep_a in_o my_o head_n and_o my_o face_n wear_v death_n colour_n i_o be_v almost_o at_o my_o wit_n end_n i_o confess_v when_o i_o feel_v a_o violent_a passion_n or_o fit_a come_n upon_o i_o i_o will_v fall_v to_o prayer_n reading_n or_o the_o like_a whereby_o sometime_o they_o be_v pass_v by_o and_o i_o have_v much_o comâ—ort_n but_o yet_o i_o can_v not_o always_o avoid_v they_o for_o now_o a_o terrible_a temptation_n get_v ground_n of_o i_o come_v on_o audacious_o grow_v so_o strong_a upon_o i_o and_o follow_v i_o so_o close_o that_o i_o can_v not_o escape_v it_o i_o take_v up_o the_o skin_n of_o my_o waste_a hand_n and_o arm_n with_o a_o resolution_n to_o tear_v it_o off_o for_o anger_n satan_n have_v so_o besot_v i_o that_o i_o can_v see_v no_o way_n to_o evade_v death_n i_o have_v be_v behold_v to_o all_o the_o scholar_n that_o i_o find_v courteous_a to_o bring_v i_o scrap_n skin_n of_o salt_n fish_n or_o any_o other_o victual_n in_o their_o handkecher_n or_o pocket_n which_o keep_v i_o alive_a a_o while_n till_o at_o last_o they_o all_o grow_v weary_a and_o i_o be_v almost_o pine_v to_o death_n and_o ashamed_a to_o beg_v public_o and_o utter_o blind_v as_o to_o any_o way_n whereby_o to_o recover_v myself_o out_o of_o this_o condition_n wherefore_o after_o violent_a and_o never_o cease_v temptation_n i_o draw_v my_o knife_n whet_v it_o sharp_a open_v my_o doublet_n and_o shirt_n and_o in_o the_o midst_n of_o the_o room_n where_o i_o be_v alone_o i_o kneel_v down_o to_o prayer_n to_o surrender_v up_o my_o soul_n into_o the_o hand_n of_o god_n my_o knife_n lie_v by_o i_o ready_a and_o i_o be_v prepare_v for_o the_o act_n when_o behold_v a_o door_n which_o i_o think_v bolt_v the_o night_n before_o yet_o be_v only_o shut_v too_o be_v now_o open_v by_o a_o scholar_n which_o with_o the_o screek_n of_o it_o make_v i_o start_v up_o and_o hasty_o throw_v my_o knife_n in_o the_o chimney_n be_v much_o ashamed_a of_o what_o i_o be_v go_v to_o do_v in_o come_v the_o scholar_n and_o tell_v i_o of_o a_o place_n in_o huntington-shiae_a to_o teach_v gentleman_n child_n and_o how_o one_o of_o our_o college_n be_v send_v to_o and_o refuse_v it_o by_o this_o mean_n i_o be_v recover_v out_o of_o this_o imminent_a dauger_n and_o after_o the_o scholar_n be_v go_v do_v exceed_o reprove_v and_o check_v myself_o for_o suffer_v this_o temptation_n to_o grow_v so_o upon_o i_o for_o want_v of_o faith_n and_o be_v much_o afflict_v at_o it_o and_o the_o more_o because_o this_o mercy_n come_v in_o so_o seasonable_o upon_o it_o oh_o that_o i_o can_v not_o wait_v upon_o god_n at_o night_n after_o prayer_n i_o go_v as_o usual_o supperless_a to_o bed_n and_o then_o my_o heart_n melt_v into_o abundance_n of_o tear_n first_o for_o the_o sin_n that_o i_o be_v about_o to_o commic_a and_o that_o i_o can_v not_o believe_v and_o resist_v the_o devil_n as_o i_o have_v do_v in_o god_n strength_n before_o and_o then_o for_o the_o love_n of_o god_n and_o his_o fatherly_a care_n appear_v for_o i_o at_o that_o instant_n when_o i_o take_v no_o care_n at_o all_o but_o have_v devote_v myself_o to_o death_n that_o at_o this_o very_a moment_n he_o shall_v not_o only_o deliver_v i_o but_o send_v i_o news_n full_a of_o hope_n oh_o how_o do_v these_o thing_n break_v my_o heart_n and_o work_v upon_o i_o most_o part_n of_o the_o night_n until_o with_o a_o heart_n full_a and_o head_n full_a and_o eye_n full_a and_o all_o i_o fall_v into_o a_o deep_a sleep_n and_o be_v visit_v with_o a_o extraordinary_a token_n from_o on_o high_a both_o in_o dream_n and_o vision_n which_o i_o imagine_v be_v afterward_o accomplish_v the_o dream_n be_v this_o that_o i_o be_v walk_v home_o to_o my_o father_n house_n with_o a_o staff_n in_o my_o hand_n and_o fear_v i_o shall_v be_v out_o of_o the_o way_n i_o look_v careful_o for_o the_o path_n which_o at_o first_o i_o can_v scarce_o discern_v and_o begin_v to_o look_v about_o and_o question_v it_o till_o at_o length_n i_o perceive_v the_o footstep_n of_o some_o who_o have_v go_v that_o way_n hereupon_o i_o proceed_v and_o the_o far_o i_o go_v the_o plain_a i_o find_v it_o to_o be_v a_o path_n and_o that_o i_o be_v in_o the_o right_a way_n since_o i_o can_v see_v no_o other_o at_o which_o i_o rejoice_v and_o go_v on_o confident_o as_o if_o i_o fear_v no_o evil_a nor_o enemy_n till_o i_o come_v to_o a_o fine_a glorious_a beautiful_a house_n and_o building_n on_o the_o left_a hand_n of_o i_o out_o of_o which_o issue_v forth_o a_o beam_n that_o reach_v cross_v the_o way_n i_o be_v to_o go_v in_o so_o that_o i_o be_v at_o a_o little_a stand_n at_o the_o first_o yet_o will_v not_o stoop_v
god_n and_o saviour_n but_o i_o be_v dash_v from_o all_o my_o enemy_n satan_n possess_v my_o thought_n suggest_v thus_o unto_o i_o fond_a fool_n quoth_v he_o why_o do_v thou_o thus_o trouble_v thyself_o take_v thy_o pleasure_n do_v what_o thou_o like_v thou_o shall_v never_o be_v call_v to_o a_o account_n for_o any_o thing_n for_o as_o thâ—_n wise_a man_n die_v so_o die_v the_o fool_n and_o both_o ristin_a the_o grave_n together_o there_o be_v no_o god_n to_o save_v thou_o or_o to_o punish_v thou_o all_o thing_n be_v make_v by_o nature_n and_o when_o thou_o die_v there_o be_v a_o end_n of_o all_o thy_o good_a and_o bad_a deed_n thou_o talk_v of_o the_o scripture_n and_o of_o a_o god_n and_o of_o a_o jesâ—s_n which_o thou_o have_v hear_v of_o there_o see_v thy_o simplicity_n now_o how_o can_v thou_o prove_v the_o scripture_n to_o be_v true_a alas_o they_o be_v make_v by_o man_n invention_n there_o be_v no_o hold_n for_o thou_o to_o take_v there_o thus_o be_v unquiet_a i_o spend_v my_o day_n and_o night_n in_o tear_n and_o sigh_n and_o groan_n sometime_o think_v with_o myself_o if_o i_o shall_v be_v save_v why_o be_o i_o thus_o then_o again_o conclude_v that_o there_o be_v no_o heaven_n no_o god_n no_o jesus_n no_o good_a angel_n only_o a_o hell_n there_o be_v and_o devil_n to_o carry_v i_o thither_o who_o wait_v in_o every_o corner_n and_o behind_o every_o door_n to_o snatch_v i_o away_o and_o i_o see_v there_o be_v no_o remedy_n but_o the_o more_o i_o strive_v the_o fast_o i_o stuek_v i_o faint_v and_o lay_v down_o my_o arm_n and_o cowardly_o yield_v to_o the_o enemy_n argue_v with_o myself_o if_o i_o be_o a_o firebrand_n of_o hell_n a_o child_n of_o perdition_n a_o limb_n of_o satan_n and_o my_o portion_n be_v to_o be_v with_o the_o devil_n and_o his_o angel_n why_o live_v i_o long_o upon_o the_o earth_n why_o go_v i_o not_o to_o my_o own_o place_n thus_o content_a to_o perish_v i_o wander_v about_o the_o space_n of_o half_a a_o year_n no_o man_n nor_o woman_n be_v privy_a to_o nor_o know_v the_o least_o of_o all_o my_o thought_n at_o length_n conclude_v that_o the_o night_n ensue_v will_v be_v my_o last_o night_n that_o i_o shall_v stay_v here_o on_o earth_n as_o one_o desire_v to_o be_v at_o home_n i_o careless_o leave_v my_o family_n and_o go_v to_o bed_n as_o it_o be_v invite_v the_o devil_n to_o come_v and_o take_v their_o due_n but_o mark_v i_o pray_v you_o the_o goodness_n of_o our_o god_n who_o be_v with_o i_o all_o this_o while_n and_o i_o be_v not_o aware_a of_o it_o for_o even_o that_o same_o night_n the_o little_a dog_n leap_v upon_o the_o bed_n i_o think_v it_o be_v the_o devil_n who_o be_v come_v to_o fetch_v i_o away_o i_o scream_v forth_o aloud_o but_o when_o i_o perceive_v it_o be_v the_o dog_n and_o not_o the_o devil_n i_o begin_v to_o think_v thut_n sure_o there_o be_v a_o god_n that_o have_v preserve_v i_o all_o this_o while_n in_o a_o most_o grievous_a agony_n i_o spend_v that_o night_n weep_v and_o although_o it_o be_v winter_n yet_o i_o sweat_v that_o the_o water_n run_v from_o off_o every_o part_n of_o my_o body_n be_v in_o this_o sad_a condition_n i_o think_v it_o be_v not_o right_a but_o sure_o some_o mean_n may_v be_v use_v to_o get_v out_o of_o it_o and_o rise_v the_o more_o early_o in_o the_o morning_n go_v up_o into_o the_o high_a room_n that_o be_v in_o the_o house_n and_o look_v forth_o at_o the_o window_n to_o see_v if_o i_o can_v see_v god_n there_o i_o behold_v the_o tree_n to_o grow_v the_o bird_n to_o fly_v the_o heaven_n how_o they_o hang_v and_o all_o thing_n that_o be_v before_o i_o than_o i_o think_v they_o can_v not_o make_v themselves_o no_o more_o than_o i_o can_v make_v myself_o and_o that_o we_o must_v needs_o have_v a_o maker_n and_o this_o maker_n must_v be_v strong_a and_o powerful_a then_o i_o fall_v down_o upon_o my_o knee_n cry_v out_o in_o this_o manner_n o_o god_n if_o there_o be_v a_o god_n show_v thyself_o to_o i_o a_o poor_a miserable_a wretch_n that_o i_o be_o at_o the_o point_n to_o perish_v then_o i_o think_v i_o see_v the_o lord_n but_o with_o a_o frown_a countenance_n he_o look_v upon_o i_o as_o if_o he_o have_v say_v thou_o have_v displease_v i_o and_o i_o will_v not_o hear_v thou_o and_o turn_v his_o back_n go_v from_o i_o which_o sight_n be_v as_o a_o dart_n thrust_v through_o my_o soul_n for_o the_o space_n of_o half_a a_o hour_n divers_a thought_n enter_v into_o my_o heart_n but_o before_o i_o rise_v from_o off_o my_o knee_n i_o resolve_v to_o become_v a_o earnest_a suitor_n to_o he_o and_o not_o to_o do_v any_o thing_n more_o that_o shall_v displease_v he_o hope_v that_o he_o will_v be_v entreat_v for_o that_o which_o be_v pass_v but_o now_o i_o beseech_v you_o godly_a christian_n to_o take_v notice_n of_o the_o wonderful_a working_n of_o our_o good_a god_n who_o judgement_n be_v unsearchable_a and_o his_o way_n past_o find_v out_o he_o have_v call_v many_o time_n at_o the_o door_n of_o my_o heart_n and_o have_v but_o small_a and_o slight_a entertainment_n but_o now_o he_o come_v violent_o and_o powerful_o to_o take_v possession_n of_o his_o own_o and_o set_v i_o about_o his_o work_n in_o myself_o then_o i_o begin_v to_o think_v what_o i_o shall_v do_v and_o whether_o i_o shall_v go_v to_o pacify_v the_o wrath_n of_o this_o terrible_a and_o dreadful_a god_n by_o who_o providence_n i_o be_v bring_v to_o a_o church_n in_o westminster_n where_o mr._n dod_n a_o very_a godly_a and_o reverend_a divine_a be_v preach_v a_o funeral_n sermon_n i_o go_v in_o hope_v to_o hear_v some_o comfort_n give_v attentive_a heed_n his_o text_n be_v with_o my_o dead_a body_n they_o shall_v arise_v see_v here_o my_o god_n do_v not_o only_o make_v a_o scourge_n of_o small_a cord_n and_o whip_v out_o the_o buyer_n and_o seller_n but_o he_o do_v over-turn_a and_o overturn_v and_o overturn_v for_o this_o minister_n do_v not_o only_o preach_v to_o the_o people_n but_o show_v i_o as_o it_o be_v in_o a_o looking-glass_n my_o own_o condition_n and_o tell_v i_o that_o by_o the_o gate_n of_o hell_n many_o time_n god_n be_v please_v to_o bring_v his_o servant_n to_o heaven_n be_v hungry_a and_o thirsty_a i_o be_v glad_a of_o a_o little_a food_n and_o present_o catch_v hold_v of_o that_o word_n be_v it_o so_o think_v i_o then_o there_o be_v comfort_n for_o i_o i_o will_v about_o my_o work_n if_o it_o please_v god_n to_o assist_v i_o in_o his_o sermon_n he_o ask_v divers_a question_n to_o which_o my_o heart_n make_v answer_v so_o that_o i_o come_v home_o joyful_a long_v to_o hear_v more_o of_o his_o doctrine_n which_o fall_v out_o as_o if_o it_o have_v be_v on_o purpose_n for_o my_o sake_n so_o that_o for_o a_o month_n or_o five_o week_n i_o hear_v two_o three_o four_o or_o five_o sermon_n from_o he_o constant_o every_o week_n wherein_o he_o bid_v i_o try_v and_o prove_v whether_o i_o have_v faith_n or_o no_o whether_o i_o do_v hate_v my_o sin_n or_o no_o and_o what_o have_v be_v the_o sign_n and_o fruit_n thereof_o he_o likewise_o bid_v i_o search_v the_o scripture_n for_o they_o be_v true_a and_o compare_v my_o condition_n with_o the_o child_n of_o god_n there_o but_o after_o he_o be_v sensible_a of_o my_o condition_n which_o i_o make_v know_v to_o he_o private_o he_o be_v very_o laborious_a to_o bring_v my_o soul_n out_o of_o the_o jaw_n of_o death_n and_o to_o raise_v it_o up_o to_o jesus_n christ_n for_o which_o pain_n i_o hope_v my_o god_n will_v reward_v he_o to_o his_o everlasting_a comfort_n but_o one_o thing_n i_o have_v almost_o forget_v when_o i_o be_v in_o the_o depth_n of_o my_o spiritual_a dejection_n i_o be_v utter_o deny_v all_o outward_a comfort_n my_o god_n hide_v his_o face_n i_o be_v trouble_v the_o sun_n the_o moon_n and_o the_o star_n seem_v in_o their_o course_n to_o fight_v against_o i_o my_o neighbour_n fall_v out_o with_o i_o and_o mock_v i_o my_o kindred_n desert_v i_o my_o captain_n christ_n offend_v make_v i_o run_v the_o gauntlet_n and_o every_o soldier_n have_v a_o lash_n at_o i_o whatsoever_o happen_v unto_o i_o bring_v sorrow_n to_o my_o heart_n but_o when_o i_o be_v persuade_v that_o the_o scripture_n be_v true_a i_o set_v myself_o to_o search_v they_o to_o see_v what_o comfort_n i_o can_v find_v there_o beginning_n at_o the_o alpha_n of_o genesis_n i_o find_v in_o the_o beginning_n god_n create_v the_o heaven_n and_o the_o earth_n and_o all_o therein_o well_o then_o though_o i_o there_o be_v a_o god_n but_o view_v a_o little_a further_o i_o find_v this_o god_n
not_o and_o what_o i_o do_v think_v he_o to_o be_v i_o tell_v he_o that_o i_o have_v read_v in_o the_o scripture_n and_o they_o hold_v he_o out_o to_o be_v the_o son_n of_o god_n and_o that_o he_o come_v to_o seek_v and_o to_o save_v that_o which_o be_v lose_v then_o say_v mr._n young_a unto_o i_o why_o do_v you_o draw_v back_o in_o not_o come_v to_o hear_v the_o word_n i_o tell_v he_o it_o be_v because_o of_o the_o deriding_n of_o the_o people_n i_o but_o say_v mr._n young_a you_o must_v persevere_v and_o hold_v on_o in_o a_o continuance_n open_v some_o scripture_n as_o that_o of_o the_o hebrew_n that_o be_v once_o enlighten_v and_o have_v taste_v the_o good_a word_n and_o of_o the_o power_n of_o the_o world_n to_o come_v if_o that_o soul_n shall_v fall_v away_o then_o there_o will_v be_v nothing_o but_o a_o fearful_a look_v for_o the_o fiery_a indignation_n of_o god_n this_o do_v much_o trouble_v i_o so_o that_o i_o be_v very_o fearful_a to_o be_v damn_v then_o mr._n young_a do_v open_v that_o scripture_n in_o 1_o thess_n 1.4,5_o you_o say_v that_o you_o know_v jesus_n christ_n to_o be_v your_o saviour_n therefore_o take_v heed_n for_o jesus_n shall_v appear_v in_o flame_a fire_n against_o all_o those_o that_o know_v he_o not_o nor_o obey_v not_o his_o gospel_n this_o put_v i_o in_o great_a fear_n and_o horror_n worse_o than_o before_o then_o i_o do_v entreat_v mr._n young_a to_o tell_v i_o what_o the_o gospel_n be_v and_o he_o bid_v i_o read_v in_o the_o first_o of_o matth._n and_o there_o it_o be_v this_o that_o the_o gospel_n be_v the_o glad_a tiding_n to_o the_o shepherd_n that_o it_o be_v the_o good_a will_n of_o god_n to_o send_v jesus_n christ_n to_o save_v sinner_n whereof_o i_o do_v confess_v with_o the_o apostle_n paul_n that_o i_o be_v chief_a mr._n young_a at_o part_v give_v i_o these_o instruction_n that_o i_o shall_v be_v very_o careful_a what_o company_n i_o do_v go_v into_o and_o that_o i_o shall_v always_o remember_v my_o creator_n in_o the_o day_n of_o my_o youth_n and_o this_o be_v very_o fresh_a in_o my_o memory_n and_o do_v strengthen_v i_o very_o much_o against_o the_o temptation_n of_o satan_n and_o keep_v i_o from_o frequent_v those_o companion_n that_o i_o do_v former_o use_v and_o if_o at_o any_o time_n i_o meet_v they_o and_o hear_v their_o idle_a word_n than_o this_o scripture_n do_v often_o come_v into_o my_o mind_n remember_v thy_o creator_n in_o the_o day_n of_o thy_o youth_n and_o do_v very_o much_o cheer_v my_o spirit_n and_o carry_v i_o along_o for_o many_o year_n until_o it_o please_v god_n to_o bring_v i_o to_o london_n and_o come_v to_o black_a friar_n under_o the_o ministry_n of_o dr._n gouge_n i_o be_v very_o much_o edify_v for_o two_o year_n together_o but_o come_v to_o live_v at_o westminster_n i_o do_v profit_n but_o little_a again_o until_o it_o please_v god_n to_o send_v mr._n marshal_n and_o hear_v of_o he_o speak_v out_o of_o jeremiah_n 14._o of_o the_o famine_n be_v in_o the_o outward_a man_n but_o there_o be_v the_o famine_n of_o the_o word_n of_o god_n at_o westminster_n it_o make_v i_o very_o attentive_a to_o his_o doctrine_n he_o complain_v what_o a_o barbarous_a place_n westminster_n have_v be_v but_o now_o he_o do_v hope_n that_o the_o word_n of_o god_n will_v take_v effect_n in_o the_o heart_n of_o some_o of_o his_o hearer_n and_o true_o so_o it_o do_v on_o my_o heart_n for_o i_o be_v a_o constant_a hearer_n of_o he_o and_o then_o go_v to_o a_o friend_n family_n i_o hear_v they_o repeat_v the_o note_n that_o they_o have_v take_v from_o master_n marshal_n and_o since_o i_o continue_v with_o that_o company_n of_o godly_a people_n and_o now_o it_o be_v the_o desire_n of_o my_o soul_n to_o have_v fellowship_n with_o the_o father_n and_o the_o son_n that_o my_o soul_n may_v thrive_v in_o grace_n and_o in_o the_o knowledge_n and_o great_a love_n of_o that_o god_n that_o so_o love_v the_o world_n that_o he_o give_v his_o son_n to_o die_v to_o save_v such_o as_o i_o be_o and_o that_o whosoever_o come_v to_o he_o shall_v not_o perish_v but_o have_v eternal_a life_n with_o who_o i_o beseech_v the_o lord_n i_o may_v walk_v in_o a_o more_o close_a way_n to_o the_o end_n of_o my_o life_n than_o ever_o i_o have_v yet_o do_v j._n h._n fourteen_o experience_n of_o t._n p._n i_o have_v have_v thought_n concern_v my_o spiritual_a condition_n and_o make_v search_n into_o my_o soul_n touch_v my_o estate_n in_o relation_n to_o god_n and_o what_o testimony_n i_o can_v find_v of_o my_o interest_n in_o and_o conversion_n to_o god_n and_o i_o have_v find_v this_o to_o be_v the_o way_n of_o god_n work_v to_o bring_v i_o to_o himself_o through_o his_o great_a mercy_n in_o the_o lord_n jesus_n it_o have_v please_v god_n ever_o since_o i_o be_v bear_v to_o place_v i_o under_o the_o mean_n of_o the_o gospel_n the_o neglect_n whereof_o have_v be_v a_o great_a trouble_n and_o grief_n unto_o my_o soul_n this_o with_o many_o sin_n more_o lay_v heavy_a upon_o my_o conscience_n especial_o some_o offence_n and_o wrong_n offer_v against_o the_o people_n of_o god_n insomuch_o that_o the_o terror_n of_o hell_n lay_v hold_v upon_o i_o and_o i_o begin_v with_o cain_n to_o cry_v out_o that_o my_o burden_n be_v more_o than_o i_o be_v able_a to_o bear_v i_o be_v a_o damn_a creature_n i_o be_v ouâ—_n of_o the_o presence_n and_o favour_n of_o god_n and_o never_o like_a to_o see_v his_o face_n with_o comfort_n ready_a with_o judas_n to_o destroy_v myself_o i_o continue_v in_o thiis_fw-la condition_n many_o year_n but_o god_n of_o his_o exceed_a mercy_n keep_v i_o from_o that_o great_a sin_n and_o at_o last_o i_o receive_v some_o comfort_n in_o that_o the_o lord_n proclaim_v himself_o to_o be_v the_o lord_n god_n gracious_a merciful_a long-suffering_a in_o forgive_a sin_n and_o that_o he_o desire_v not_o the_o death_n of_o a_o sinner_n but_o rather_o that_o he_o shall_v live_v and_o again_o he_o say_v if_o our_o sin_n be_v as_o scarlet_a he_o will_v make_v they_o as_o white_a as_o snow_n or_o wool_n again_o i_o be_o the_o lord_n and_o change_v not_o therefore_o you_o son_n of_o jacob_n be_v not_o consume_v these_o with_o many_o other_o promise_n of_o free_a grace_n and_o mercy_n yield_v some_o comfort_n to_o my_o soul_n yet_o for_o a_o long_a time_n i_o be_v trouble_v if_o i_o pray_v i_o fear_v my_o prayer_n be_v a_o abomination_n unto_o the_o lord_n at_o last_o know_v the_o lord_n hear_v the_o ninivites_n that_o be_v heathen_n i_o think_v he_o be_v as_o able_a to_o save_v my_o soul_n and_o it_o have_v be_v my_o care_n to_o wait_v upon_o god_n in_o the_o mean_n know_v that_o faith_n come_v by_o hear_v the_o word_n and_o upon_o all_o occasion_n to_o search_v my_o own_o heart_n what_o part_n of_o the_o word_n belong_v unto_o i_o and_o what_o do_v not_o i_o receive_v some_o comfort_n from_o these_o promise_n i_o will_v not_o break_v the_o bruise_a reed_n nor_o quench_v the_o smoke_a flax_n come_v unto_o i_o all_o you_o that_o and_o weary_a and_o heavy_a lade_v and_o i_o will_v give_v you_o rest_n and_o he_o that_o come_v unto_o i_o i_o will_v in_o no_o wise_a cast_v off_o these_o gracious_a promise_n cause_v i_o to_o desire_v to_o draw_v near_o to_o god_n in_o union_n and_o in_o communion_n with_o who_o i_o hope_v for_o fellowship_n to_o all_o eternity_n t._n p._n xv._o experience_n of_o m._n w._n when_o i_o live_v in_o ireland_n and_o be_v in_o fullness_n of_o outward_a enjoyment_n i_o have_v my_o thought_n much_o take_v up_o about_o the_o thing_n of_o the_o world_n but_o little_o serious_o touch_v the_o salvation_n of_o my_o soul_n but_o some_o year_n since_o be_v at_o liverpoole_n in_o lancashire_n i_o hear_v a_o sermon_n preach_v by_o mr._n tompson_n his_o text_n be_v redeem_v the_o time_n because_o the_o day_n be_v evil_a many_o thing_n he_o speak_v so_o home_o to_o my_o soul_n that_o i_o be_v very_o much_o trouble_v i_o have_v spend_v so_o many_o day_n in_o evil_a that_o i_o have_v be_v covetous_a and_o proud_a and_o impatient_a in_o the_o former_a day_n of_o my_o life_n yet_o it_o please_v the_o lord_n i_o have_v a_o husband_n that_o be_v a_o honest_a man_n and_o one_o that_o fear_v god_n who_o have_v often_o give_v i_o good_a counsel_n and_o persuade_v i_o to_o make_v some_o promise_n of_o amendment_n but_o i_o have_v child_n and_o servant_n and_o cattle_n and_o live_v plentiful_o in_o ireland_n from_o whence_o i_o have_v late_o come_v with_o my_o husband_n and_o family_n and_o indeed_o there_o have_v be_v no_o real_a conversion_n though_o i_o have_v often_o thought_n towards_o god_n and_o
w._n xvi_o experience_n of_o i._o i._n when_o i_o be_v in_o the_o midst_n of_o my_o wealth_n and_o worldly_a enjoyment_n i_o be_v vain_a covetous_a and_o whole_o have_v my_o heart_n take_v up_o with_o the_o thing_n of_o the_o world_n little_a or_o nothing_o mind_v the_o thing_n of_o god_n or_o think_v of_o a_o change_n but_o go_v on_o in_o presumption_n put_v the_o evil_a day_n far_o off_o minidng_v only_o for_o the_o present_a what_o please_v the_o flesh_n until_o about_o eight_o year_n since_o i_o have_v many_o outward_a cross_n befall_v i_o and_o be_v in_o some_o want_n and_o then_o be_v under_o that_o dispensation_n i_o be_v much_o trouble_v and_o full_a of_o grief_n i_o seek_v to_o the_o lord_n and_o beg_v deliverance_n from_o my_o affliction_n and_o distress_n as_o to_o outward_a want_n but_o have_v not_o a_o heart_n to_o consider_v what_o be_v the_o cause_n or_o to_o seek_v out_o the_o mind_n of_o god_n in_o it_o until_o i_o hear_v dr._n holmes_n show_v sin_n to_o be_v the_o cause_n of_o all_o our_o cross_n the_o consideration_n hereof_o do_v come_v close_o unto_o my_o spirit_n and_o i_o have_v a_o clear_a conviction_n of_o my_o vanity_n and_o foolish_a dote_a on_o worldly_a thing_n which_o have_v just_o provoke_v the_o lord_n i_o hope_v for_o my_o good_a to_o lay_v those_o cross_n upon_o i_o which_o though_o they_o be_v for_o a_o time_n bitter_a yet_o god_n have_v since_o sweeten_v but_o my_o sorrow_n be_v then_o double_v and_o i_o be_v deject_v not_o only_o for_o my_o outward_a cross_n but_o more_o especial_o for_o my_o carnal_a heart_n and_o vain_a conversation_n whereby_o i_o have_v stir_v up_o the_o anger_n of_o the_o lord_n against_o i_o i_o go_v to_o the_o ordinance_n hope_v to_o find_v comfort_n from_o the_o word_n but_o the_o weight_n of_o my_o sin_n and_o my_o suffering_n so_o press_v i_o down_o that_o i_o find_v much_o heaviness_n my_o sin_n especial_o lay_v heavy_a upon_o i_o and_o i_o see_v little_a hope_n of_o comfort_n yet_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o work_v in_o my_o heart_n a_o loathe_n of_o sin_n as_o well_o as_o trouble_v for_o the_o affliction_n it_o have_v bring_v upon_o i_o but_o about_o a_o year_n since_o i_o hear_v master_n w._n prove_v by_o scripture_n in_o a_o sermon_n very_o effectual_a to_o my_o comfort_n that_o those_o who_o have_v be_v the_o great_a of_o sinner_n if_o they_o do_v hearty_o and_o real_o repent_v and_o turn_v to_o god_n by_o faith_n in_o christ_n and_o lead_v a_o new_a life_n the_o lord_n will_v receive_v they_o to_o mercy_n hereupon_o i_o argue_v with_o my_o soul_n that_o though_o i_o have_v be_v a_o great_a sinner_n yet_o the_o lord_n have_v bring_v my_o heart_n to_o a_o loathe_n of_o those_o sin_n i_o love_v and_o of_o all_o sin_n and_o to_o turn_v to_o the_o lord_n and_o sincere_o to_o desire_v to_o serve_v he_o that_o therefore_o there_o be_v hope_n of_o mercy_n for_o i_o i_o hear_v mr._n w._n mr._n m._n and_o other_o and_o frequent_v divers_a meeting_n where_o i_o find_v much_o comfort_n those_o several_a place_n of_o scripture_n in_o which_o i_o chief_o find_v comfort_n from_o the_o promise_v of_o god_n be_v matth._n 11.28,29,30_o where_o christ_n say_v come_v unto_o i_o all_o you_o that_o labour_n and_o be_v heavy_a lade_v and_o i_o will_v give_v you_o rest_n take_v my_o yoke_n upon_o you_o and_o learn_v of_o i_o for_o i_o be_o meek_a and_o lowly_a in_o heart_n and_o you_o shall_v find_v rest_n unto_o your_o soul_n for_o my_o yoke_n be_v easy_a and_o my_o burden_n light_n this_o make_v i_o to_o hope_n that_o as_o the_o lord_n have_v give_v i_o a_o heavy_a heart_n lade_v with_o the_o sense_n of_o sin_n so_o christ_n jesus_n will_v give_v i_o comfort_n for_o in_o the_o 12_o verse_n of_o the_o same_o chapter_n it_o be_v say_v a_o bruise_a reed_n shall_v he_o not_o break_v and_o and_o smoke_a flax_n shall_v he_o not_o quench_v and_o though_o i_o have_v dishonour_v christ_n yet_o i_o have_v not_o blaspheme_v the_o holyghost_n and_o therefore_o have_v encouragement_n to_o believe_v from_o the_o word_n of_o christ_n luke_n 12.10_o whosoever_o shall_v speak_v a_o word_n against_o the_o son_n of_o man_n it_o shall_v be_v forgive_v he_o but_o unto_o he_o that_o blaspheme_v against_o the_o holy_a ghost_n it_o shall_v not_o be_v forgive_v i_o be_v comfort_v to_o wait_v upon_o the_o lord_n in_o hope_n because_o he_o have_v humble_v my_o soul_n and_o open_v my_o eye_n to_o see_v mercy_n offer_v to_o i_o and_o this_o be_v strengthen_v from_o that_o example_n lament_v 30.20_o to_o verse_n 26._o my_o soul_n have_v they_o still_o in_o remembrance_n and_o be_v humble_v in_o i_o this_o i_o recall_v to_o mind_n therefore_o have_v i_o hope_v it_o be_v the_o lord_n mercy_n that_o we_o be_v not_o consume_v because_o his_o compassion_n fail_v not_o they_o be_v new_a every_o morning_n great_a be_v thy_o faithfulness_n the_o lord_n be_v my_o portion_n say_v my_o soul_n therefore_o will_v i_o hope_v in_o he_o the_o lord_n be_v good_a unto_o they_o that_o wait_v for_o he_o to_o the_o soul_n that_o seek_v he_o i_o be_v much_o encourage_v from_o hence_o to_o seek_v the_o lord_n and_o hope_v in_o his_o mercy_n my_o conscience_n tell_v i_o i_o be_v a_o great_a sinner_n and_o deserve_a death_n and_o hell_n but_o my_o hope_n be_v in_o god_n and_o strengthen_v from_o that_o promise_n ezek._n 18.21,22,23_o if_o the_o wicked_a will_v turn_v from_o his_o sin_n that_o he_o have_v commit_v and_o keep_v all_o my_o statute_n and_o do_v that_o which_o be_v lawful_a and_o right_a he_o shall_v sure_o live_v he_o shall_v not_o die_v all_o his_o transgression_n that_o he_o have_v commit_v they_o shall_v not_o be_v mention_v unto_o he_o in_o the_o righteousness_n that_o he_o have_v do_v he_o shall_v live_v have_v i_o any_o pleasure_n at_o all_o that_o the_o wicked_a shall_v die_v say_v the_o lord_n god_n and_o not_o that_o he_o shall_v turn_v from_o his_o way_n and_o live_v and_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o put_v into_o my_o spirit_n a_o very_a great_a resolution_n to_o serve_v he_o for_o the_o time_n to_o come_v and_o i_o praise_v my_o god_n i_o have_v have_v since_o much_o joy_n in_o duty_n of_o piety_n and_o much_o sweetness_n from_o the_o word_n of_o god_n and_o gold_o minister_n i_o have_v no_o desire_n to_o enjoy_v the_o pleasure_n and_o vanity_n of_o the_o world_n as_o i_o have_v do_v but_o my_o heart_n now_o take_v delight_n in_o god_n and_o communion_n with_o his_o people_n and_o the_o lord_n have_v give_v i_o a_o heart_n in_o discern_v a_o beauty_n and_o desirableness_n in_o the_o way_n of_o god_n which_o be_v more_o joyful_a to_o i_o now_o than_o ever_o sin_n be_v former_o and_o when_o i_o come_v at_o the_o ordinance_n i_o often_o find_v and_o feel_v such_o heavenly_a refreshment_n from_o the_o lord_n upon_o my_o heart_n that_o it_o make_v i_o exceed_o full_a of_o joy_n there_o be_v such_o a_o love_n upon_o my_o heart_n to_o god_n that_o i_o dare_v not_o willing_o offend_v he_o in_o any_o thing_n i_o rejoice_v to_o hear_v his_o name_n speak_v of_o and_o his_o glory_n exalt_v and_o i_o find_v a_o very_a great_a affection_n draw_v by_o the_o power_n of_o god_n from_o my_o heart_n to_o such_o as_o seem_v to_o be_v his_o people_n j._n j._n xvii_o experience_n of_o e._n c._n about_o nine_o year_n ago_o at_o the_o birth_n of_o a_o child_n i_o have_v very_o great_a temptation_n of_o destroy_a ing_z myself_o and_o have_v have_v oftentimes_o a_o knife_n put_v into_o my_o hand_n to_o do_v it_o so_o that_o i_o dare_v not_o be_v leave_v by_o myself_o alone_o and_o when_o i_o have_v consider_v what_o the_o cause_n may_v be_v my_o conscience_n do_v hint_n most_o my_o neglect_v of_o duty_n which_o i_o have_v many_o opportunity_n to_o have_v perform_v they_o be_v the_o ordinance_n of_o god_n thus_o i_o continue_v till_o two_o year_n ago_o i_o bury_v a_o child_n which_o be_v a_o very_a great_a trouble_n to_o i_o to_o part_v with_o and_o then_o be_v i_o more_o full_o convince_v of_o sin_n which_o cause_v my_o burden_n to_o be_v the_o great_a so_o that_o i_o can_v seldom_o have_v any_o other_o thought_n but_o of_o desperation_n but_o the_o lord_n keep_v i_o by_o his_o great_a mercy_n so_o that_o sometime_o i_o can_v pray_v with_o devotion_n and_o discern_v the_o lord_n to_o remove_v this_o great_a trouble_n from_o i_o i_o do_v plain_o find_v that_o those_o great_a temptation_n be_v very_o much_o lessen_v which_o be_v a_o very_a great_a comfort_n unto_o my_o spirit_n but_o yet_o this_o still_o be_v upon_o i_o that_o i_o can_v read_v the_o promise_n but_o i_o find_v none_o of_o they_o to_o belong_v to_o i_o
joshua_n that_o i_o and_o my_o house_n will_v serve_v the_o lord_n and_o although_o it_o be_v a_o bitter_a pill_n to_o i_o to_o bear_v the_o cross_n before_o yet_o now_o my_o god_n have_v make_v it_o easy_a and_o i_o praise_v the_o lord_n through_o his_o grace_n i_o can_v go_v under_o it_o with_o a_o great_a deal_n of_o comfort_n and_o he_o have_v now_o discover_v to_o i_o the_o way_n of_o his_o work_n in_o those_o thing_n which_o before_o be_v wonderful_a strange_a to_o i_o many_o special_a promise_n i_o find_v great_a comfort_n in_o some_o that_o i_o remember_v be_v these_o that_o follow_v viz._n 1_o pet._n 5.6,7_o humble_a yourselves_o therefore_o under_o the_o mighty_a hand_n of_o god_n that_o he_o may_v exalt_v you_o in_o due_a time_n cast_v all_o your_o care_n on_o he_o for_o he_o care_v for_o you_o this_o promise_n i_o have_v find_v of_o a_o truth_n make_v good_a to_o i_o in_o some_o measure_n i_o have_v apply_v it_o often_o and_o have_v find_v the_o comfort_n of_o it_o 2_o con._n 1.29_o my_o grace_n be_v sufficient_a for_o thou_o from_o this_o place_n i_o find_v much_o comfort_n know_v the_o fullness_n of_o so_o glorious_a a_o portion_n jam._n 1.2,3,4_o count_v it_o all_o joy_n when_o you_o fall_v into_o divers_a temptation_n know_v this_o that_o the_o trial_n of_o your_o faith_n work_v patience_n but_o let_v patience_n have_v her_o perfect_a work_n that_o you_o may_v be_v perfect_a and_o entire_a want_v nothing_o this_o administer_v great_a joy_n to_o i_o against_o all_o temptation_n isa_n 55.1_o ho_o every_o one_o that_o thirst_v come_v you_o to_o the_o water_n of_o life_n and_o he_o that_o have_v no_o money_n come_v you_o tâ—…uy_v and_o eat_v this_o give_v great_a comfort_n to_o my_o soul_n at_o several_a time_n though_o it_o be_v so_o much_o cast_v down_o and_o that_o which_o give_v i_o great_a content_n and_o comfort_n be_v the_o seal_n of_o god_n spirit_n in_o my_o heart_n give_v evidence_n of_o peace_n in_o the_o blood_n of_o christ_n between_o god_n and_o my_o soul_n by_o these_o testimony_n 1._o my_o love_n to_o god_n be_v so_o that_o i_o be_o confident_a if_o the_o lord_n keep_v i_o with_o his_o spirit_n which_o at_o this_o time_n he_o have_v bestow_v upon_o i_o i_o can_v be_v content_a to_o part_v with_o any_o thing_n or_o lay_v down_o my_o lise_fw-fr for_o his_o glory_n if_o he_o will_v call_v i_o to_o it_o 2._o the_o lord_n have_v be_v please_v so_o toâ—inrich_v my_o soul_n with_o his_o spirit_n that_o i_o loathe_v the_o thing_n of_o the_o world_n when_o they_o will_v draw_v i_o in_o any_o thing_n from_o submit_v to_o the_o motion_n of_o god_n spirit_n in_o my_o heart_n i_o once_o think_v nothing_o can_v have_v draw_v i_o from_o the_o love_n of_o the_o vain_a thing_n of_o the_o world_n but_o now_o i_o do_v as_o much_o disdain_v they_o for_o god_n and_o more_o than_o then_o i_o love_v they_o 3._o i_o desire_v to_o follow_v god_n ordinance_n and_o find_v great_a enlargment_n of_o my_o heart_n to_o god_n both_o to_o and_o in_o the_o ordinance_n and_o particular_o from_o mr._n s._n mr._n w._n and_o other_o from_o who_o many_o thing_n have_v fall_v that_o have_v much_o refresh_v my_o soul_n and_o i_o find_v my_o heart_n in_o duty_n to_o god_n more_o refresh_v than_o in_o any_o thing_n 4._o i_o find_v much_o peace_n in_o my_o conscience_n because_o of_o a_o free_a submission_n which_o his_o spirit_n have_v wrought_v in_o my_o soul_n to_o all_o the_o command_n of_o jesus_n christ_n and_o i_o find_v comfort_n in_o that_o true_a circumcision_n which_o be_v in_o my_o heart_n wrought_v by_o his_o spirit_n 5._o i_o find_v every_o every_o day_n so_o great_a a_o peace_n in_o my_o soul_n and_o such_o comfort_n in_o god_n that_o i_o can_v be_v willing_a and_o i_o bless_v god_n find_v in_o myself_o a_o readiness_n to_o die_v every_o moment_n xxii_o experience_n of_o a._n a._n about_o two_o year_n since_o my_o husband_n be_v sore_o wound_v which_o i_o take_v as_o a_o great_a trial_n not_o have_v above_o a_o month_n to_o go_v with_o child_n and_o i_o be_v trouble_v at_o it_o and_o about_o a_o quarter_n of_o a_o year_n after_o i_o be_v up_o all_o my_o child_n be_v sick_a together_o of_o the_o small_a pox._n yet_o all_o this_o do_v not_o work_v upon_o i_o inward_o so_o sensible_o as_o about_o a_o month_n afterward_o that_o one_o of_o my_o child_n die_v sudden_o when_o i_o think_v he_o have_v be_v near_o well_o than_o i_o say_v the_o wage_n of_o sin_n be_v death_n think_v that_o the_o lord_n have_v warn_v i_o by_o fatherly_a threaten_n before_o but_o i_o do_v not_o hearken_v to_o he_o and_o therefore_o i_o think_v he_o smite_v i_o now_o by_o the_o death_n of_o my_o child_n but_o yet_o i_o can_v not_o enter_v into_o any_o particular_a sin_n that_o god_n shall_v strike_v at_o only_o in_o general_n i_o seek_v the_o lord_n to_o lay_v open_a my_o sin_n to_o i_o i_o be_v very_o much_o trouble_v that_o the_o lord_n take_v my_o child_n so_o sudden_o from_o i_o but_o be_v comfort_v by_o mr._n strong_a in_o some_o sermon_n preach_v from_o the_o word_n the_o church_n to_o paul_n go_v to_o suffer_v at_o jerusalem_n act_v 21.14_o when_o he_o will_v not_o be_v persuade_v we_o cease_v say_v the_o will_n of_o the_o lord_n be_v do_v so_o i_o be_v settle_v pretty_a well_o in_o my_o thought_n till_o sudden_o the_o lord_n strike_v the_o elder_a of_o my_o two_o child_n then_o live_v which_o be_v a_o boy_n my_o other_o which_o be_v a_o girl_n i_o do_v not_o so_o much_o value_n but_o now_o i_o do_v and_o know_v god_n mercy_n in_o spare_v she_o but_o my_o child_n that_o then_o dye_v be_v the_o chief_a comfort_n that_o my_o heart_n be_v fix_v upon_o in_o this_o world_n which_o be_v so_o great_a a_o grief_n to_o i_o that_o i_o have_v sleep_v few_o night_n quiet_a i_o desire_v to_o know_v the_o mind_n of_o god_n what_o he_o will_v do_v with_o i_o sometime_o i_o shall_v have_v difpair_v through_o great_a busfeting_n inward_o but_o that_o the_o lord_n sustain_v i_o sometime_o i_o think_v that_o the_o wrath_n of_o god_n be_v hindle_v against_o i_o think_v never_o to_o have_v comfort_n in_o this_o world_n again_o but_o bless_v be_v the_o lord_n for_o it_o he_o have_v often_o comfort_v i_o in_o this_o that_o i_o have_v think_v he_o do_v it_o in_o love_n to_o i_o yet_o sometime_o i_o have_v fear_v that_o i_o shall_v despair_v and_o that_o the_o hand_n of_o god_n be_v against_o i_o in_o it_o have_v be_v trouble_v with_o thought_n that_o i_o be_v the_o death_n of_o my_o child_n thus_o i_o have_v be_v between_o hope_n and_o despair_v and_o can_v not_o find_v what_o the_o will_n of_o god_n be_v in_o it_o towards_o i_o and_o i_o have_v fear_n that_o the_o hand_n of_o god_n be_v still_o against_o i_o for_o further_a punishment_n because_o i_o have_v have_v many_o temptation_n upon_o i_o in_o low_a thought_n of_o god_n but_o i_o have_v go_v to_o prayer_n and_o desire_v the_o lord_n to_o deliver_v i_o and_o discover_v his_o mind_n to_o i_o in_o every_o thing_n that_o i_o do_v and_o have_v find_v a_o willingness_n to_o part_v with_o any_o thing_n even_o to_o cut_v off_o a_o limb_n or_o any_o thing_n if_o i_o can_v find_v out_o what_o it_o be_v and_o i_o bless_v god_n i_o have_v find_v a_o good_a spirit_n resist_v the_o bad_a yet_o i_o have_v be_v under_o much_o fear_n that_o i_o be_v not_o a_o child_n of_o god_n but_o it_o have_v please_v god_n to_o comfort_v i_o in_o this_o that_o paul_n life_n be_v subject_a to_o temptation_n therefore_o i_o have_v hope_n and_o cast_v myself_o upon_o the_o mercy_n of_o god_n resolve_v that_o if_o i_o perish_v i_o perish_v never_o dare_v to_o offend_v willing_o in_o any_o thing_n that_o i_o know_v to_o be_v a_o sin_n yet_o i_o know_v i_o be_o a_o wretched_a sinner_n but_o i_o humble_o desire_v to_o do_v the_o will_n of_o god_n so_o far_o as_o i_o be_o able_a and_o in_o that_o i_o can_v say_v with_o david_n psal_n 42.1_o as_o the_o heart_n pant_v after_o the_o water-brook_n so_o pant_v my_o soul_n after_o thou_o o_o god_n i_o find_v comfort_n with_o he_o to_o say_v why_o be_v thou_o cast_v down_o o_o my_o soul_n and_o why_o be_v thou_o disquiet_v within_o i_o hope_v thou_o in_o god_n for_o i_o shall_v yet_o praise_v he_o for_o the_o help_n of_o his_o countenance_n verse_n 5._o and_o i_o will_v look_v unto_o the_o lord_n with_o the_o prophet_n micha_n i_o will_v wait_v for_o the_o god_n of_o my_o salvation_n my_o god_n will_v hear_v i_o mich._n 7.7_o and_o i_o have_v find_v much_o comfort_n in_o apply_v several_a promise_n to_o my_o
midst_n of_o my_o dishress_n to_o bring_v to_o my_o mind_n these_o word_n the_o spirit_n say_v come_v and_o the_o bride_n say_v come_v and_o every_o one_o that_o will_v come_v drink_v of_o the_o water_n of_o life_n free_o i_o say_v of_o myself_o i_o can_v come_v but_o i_o pray_v lord_n draw_v i_o and_o i_o shall_v run_v after_o thou_o and_o this_o word_n be_v cast_v into_o my_o soul_n by_o the_o lord_n my_o grace_n be_v sufficient_a for_o thou_o only_o do_v thou_o believe_v and_o god_n have_v now_o wrought_v faith_n in_o i_o and_o by_o the_o testimony_n of_o his_o spirit_n have_v seal_v his_o love_n in_o christ_n to_o i_o work_v in_o my_o heart_n so_o to_o love_v he_o that_o i_o have_v cast_v myself_o whole_o upon_o he_o h._n c._n xxxi_o experience_n of_o t._n r._n mariner_n at_o the_o age_n of_o two_o and_o twenty_o be_v in_o the_o strait_n i_o be_v take_v by_o the_o merciless_a turk_n but_o the_o power_n of_o the_o lord_n deliver_v i_o out_o of_o captivity_n by_o a_o miraculous_a way_n unexpected_a the_o lord_n give_v i_o grace_n to_o call_v on_o he_o give_v i_o a_o gracious_a answer_n that_o he_o will_v never_o leave_v i_o nor_o forsake_v i_o in_o the_o war_n with_o france_n on_o the_o coast_n of_o guinea_n i_o be_v take_v by_o a_o french_a man_n of_o war_n and_o be_v great_o afflict_v for_o want_v of_o food_n and_o raiment_n and_o other_o hardship_n which_o they_o lay_v on_o i_o to_o have_v turn_v to_o their_o catholic_n religion_n yet_o the_o lord_n still_o promise_v i_o that_o he_o will_v give_v i_o a_o deliverance_n out_o of_o their_o merciless_a hand_n who_o make_v good_a his_o promise_n to_o i_o in_o a_o short_a time_n bless_a be_v his_o holy_a name_n after_o this_o i_o go_v a_o voyage_n to_o brasile_n and_o our_o ship_n be_v lade_v we_o do_v intend_v for_o portugal_n but_o they_o detain_v we_o a_o whole_a year_n so_o that_o our_o ship_n be_v all_o eat_v with_o worm_n and_o we_o be_v fain_o to_o keep_v pump_v for_o nine_o month_n but_o the_o long_o the_o worse_o for_o in_o our_o passage_n homeward_o we_o can_v not_o tell_v which_o death_n to_o choose_v either_o to_o starve_v or_o to_o be_v drown_v for_o our_o victual_n be_v so_o small_a that_o for_o one_o year_n and_o more_o we_o have_v no_o bread_n in_o our_o ship_n but_o eat_v the_o root_n of_o tree_n make_v into_o a_o substance_n like_o oatmeal_n and_o for_o beef_n one_o ounce_n for_o a_o man_n a_o day_n which_o stink_v so_o that_o none_o can_v have_v eat_v it_o but_o man_n in_o our_o case_n for_o drink_v we_o be_v glad_a of_o a_o pint_n of_o water_n a_o day_n during_o the_o time_n of_o our_o passage_n which_o be_v seventeen_o week_n but_o in_o this_o passage_n we_o see_v the_o wonderful_a work_n of_o god_n for_o he_o send_v we_o for_o three_o week_n in_o seasonable_a time_n fish_n call_v dolphin_n sometime_o two_o or_o three_o in_o a_o day_n and_o as_o we_o grow_v within_o three_o hundred_o league_n of_o the_o coast_n of_o portugal_n and_o our_o provision_n near_o spend_v only_o three_o or_o four_o day_n leave_v and_o all_o our_o man_n sick_a and_o weak_a and_o almost_o starve_v it_o please_v god_n of_o his_o great_a mercy_n to_o send_v we_o a_o ship_n of_o flushing_n a_o man_n of_o war_n who_o prove_v to_o we_o as_o joseph_n to_o the_o child_n of_o israel_n for_o they_o bring_v we_o victual_n which_o save_v our_o life_n and_o after_o they_o have_v take_v our_o ship_n they_o be_v fain_o to_o put_v on_o board_n forty_o man_n to_o keep_v she_o from_o sink_v for_o it_o please_v god_n that_o the_o next_o day_n after_o we_o have_v a_o violent_a storm_n and_o a_o great_a sea_n break_v upon_o she_o so_o that_o we_o think_v she_o will_v never_o have_v recover_v herself_o again_o for_o our_o good_n do_v shut_v all_o to_o one_o side_n and_o so_o she_o be_v say_v to_o go_v until_o she_o come_v to_o flushing_n but_o we_o poor_a creature_n be_v in_o great_a peril_n and_o danger_n of_o our_o life_n and_o yet_o the_o lord_n comfort_v i_o by_o his_o promise_n that_o he_o will_v bring_v i_o to_o shore_n and_o will_v deliver_v my_o life_n from_o death_n and_o my_o eye_n from_o tear_n and_o he_o have_v do_v gracious_o with_o i_o above_o my_o desert_n and_o enable_v i_o above_o my_o strength_n and_o deliver_v i_o above_o my_o hope_n therefore_o will_v i_o praise_v he_o without_o measure_n and_o magnify_v his_o name_n without_o end_n three_o year_n after_o this_o be_v on_o the_o coast_n of_o ireland_n it_o please_v the_o lord_n to_o raise_v a_o violent_a storm_n and_o in_o the_o morning_n by_o the_o dawn_n of_o the_o day_n we_o be_v so_o near_o the_o shore_n that_o to_o man_n judgement_n there_o be_v nothing_o but_o death_n approach_v for_o we_o know_v no_o place_n of_o that_o land_n by_o reason_n of_o the_o fog_n and_o rain_n that_o we_o have_v all_o the_o day_n and_o know_v not_o where_o to_o go_v but_o as_o the_o lord_n who_o be_v the_o pilot_n of_o pilot_n do_v carry_v we_o until_o four_o a_o clock_n at_o night_n which_o in_o december_n be_v dark_a and_o then_o we_o come_v to_o a_o great_a high_a head-land_n and_o a_o little_a without_o that_o lay_v a_o great_a sand_n so_o that_o we_o can_v not_o go_v any_o other_o way_n but_o betwixt_o they_o be_v then_o past_o all_o hope_n of_o life_n we_o force_v she_o through_o the_o sea_n so_o that_o it_o break_v over_o our_o head_n insomuch_o that_o we_o can_v not_o tell_v whether_o we_o be_v in_o the_o sea_n or_o the_o bark_n but_o by_o our_o foot_n and_o hand_n for_o we_o can_v not_o see_v for_o the_o violence_n of_o the_o water_n only_o he_o that_o be_v at_o the_o helm_n and_o yet_o in_o the_o space_n of_o a_o quarter_n of_o a_o hour_n we_o be_v in_o a_o safe_a place_n new_o take_v out_o of_o the_o jaw_n of_o death_n so_o that_o i_o of_o all_o man_n have_v great_a cause_n to_o be_v always_o render_v thanks_o to_o my_o god_n for_o his_o continual_a and_o most_o sweet_a favour_n unto_o i_o sinful_a wretched_a and_o empty_a man_n void_a of_o all_o spiritual_a goodness_n furthermore_o i_o be_v after_o this_o in_o a_o ship_n of_o 300_o tun_n lie_v on_o the_o coast_n of_o virginia_n wind-bound_a the_o space_n of_o seven_o week_n it_o please_v god_n to_o visit_v our_o people_n with_o the_o pestilential_a fever_n and_o the_o calenture_n which_o be_v a_o violent_a fever_n or_o madness_n at_o first_o and_o we_o have_v in_o our_o ship_n two_o hundred_o thirty_o sieve_n soul_n at_o that_o time_n and_o it_o be_v the_o will_n and_o pleasure_n of_o god_n that_o we_o have_v a_o hundred_o of_o they_o sink_v at_o one_o time_n so_o that_o we_o have_v but_o few_o to_o look_v to_o the_o sick_a and_o be_v in_o great_a want_n of_o provision_n yet_o we_o know_v not_o whither_o to_o go_v but_o it_o please_v god_n to_o raise_v a_o great_a storm_n so_o that_o a_o great_a sea_n break_v into_o our_o main_a sail_n and_o we_o have_v two_o foot_n water_n between_o deck_n and_o our_o poor_a sick_a people_n cry_v out_o they_o be_v drown_v but_o within_o a_o hour_n after_o by_o the_o mercy_n of_o god_n we_o have_v fair_a weather_n and_o fair_a wind_n and_o within_o three_o or_o four_o day_n god_n set_v we_o safe_a on_o land_n to_o our_o great_a joy_n and_o comfort_n that_o before_o be_v almost_o past_a hope_n so_o that_o he_o cause_v we_o to_o say_v with_o the_o prophet_n david_n it_o be_v good_a for_o i_o that_o i_o be_v afflict_v and_o yet_o have_v another_o choice_a mercy_n to_o make_v know_v of_o what_o god_n have_v do_v for_o i_o for_o he_o have_v now_o call_v i_o out_o of_o the_o world_n but_o not_o out_o of_o the_o land_n of_o the_o live_n he_o have_v also_o open_v my_o eye_n and_o make_v clear_a my_o understanding_n with_o mary_n to_o choose_v the_o better_a part_n and_o whatsoever_o the_o world_n or_o satan_n can_v cast_v upon_o i_o it_o shall_v all_o turn_v to_o my_o good_a for_o i_o know_v that_o my_o redeemer_n live_v and_o he_o my_o soul_n desire_v to_o bless_v and_o praise_v which_o i_o trust_v i_o shall_v do_v till_o my_o change_n come_v as_o god_n shall_v enable_v i_o and_o the_o lord_n strengthen_v my_o faith_n xxxii_o experience_n of_o t._n g._n it_o have_v please_v the_o lord_n god_n of_o his_o own_o free_a mercy_n and_o love_n in_o jesus_n christ_n to_o prevent_v and_o keep_v i_o ever_o since_o i_o be_v bear_v from_o many_o thousand_o danger_n and_o yet_o i_o like_v a_o unruly_a creature_n have_v kick_v at_o his_o fatherly_a protection_n and_o run_v into_o many_o gross_a and_o vile_a sin_n the_o first_o gross_a one_o be_v many_o kind_n of_o unlawful_a game_n
not_o at_o that_o time_n take_v comfort_n in_o any_o thing_n and_o have_v i_o not_o be_v with_o child_n &_o affect_v with_o natural_a inclination_n to_o the_o babe_n in_o my_o womb_n i_o have_v be_v in_o danger_n have_v not_o god_n prevent_v i_o to_o have_v destroy_v myself_o for_o i_o have_v some_o temptation_n that_o way_n but_o my_o god_n strengthen_v i_o yet_o before_o i_o be_v bring_v to_o bed_n i_o find_v peace_n and_o comfort_n and_o through_o grace_n have_v such_o settlement_n in_o my_o spirit_n that_o i_o can_v with_o joy_n night_n and_o day_n call_v upon_o my_o god_n believe_o but_o before_o i_o attain_v to_o this_o i_o have_v many_o sore_a conflict_n until_o after_o some_o consideration_n that_o the_o lord_n have_v put_v into_o my_o mind_n as_o first_o touch_v the_o child_n that_o i_o go_v with_o because_o god_n have_v say_v the_o just_a and_o innocent_a slay_n thou_o not_o and_o then_o consider_v the_o innocency_n of_o the_o child_n it_o become_v a_o mean_n to_o stay_v my_o hand_n from_o lay_v violence_n upon_o myself_o yet_o for_o a_o time_n i_o be_v much_o trouble_v in_o spirit_n till_o god_n give_v i_o peace_n from_o these_o and_o other_o scriptureâ—_n promise_n where_o the_o lord_n say_v call_v upon_o i_o in_o the_o day_n of_o trouble_n and_o i_o will_v deliver_v thou_o &_o thou_o shall_v glorify_v i_o psal_n 50.15_o sin_n shall_v not_o have_v dominion_n over_o you_o for_o you_o be_v noâ—_n under_o the_o law_n but_o under_o grace_n rom._n 6.14_o now_o the_o testimony_n of_o my_o conversion_n and_o true_a believe_v in_o which_o i_o hope_v i_o have_v a_o seal_n of_o my_o interest_n in_o the_o lord_n jesus_n be_v these_o 1._o my_o love_n to_o god_n which_o be_v real_a sincere_a and_o hearty_a desire_v he_o above_o any_o thing_n else_o whatsoever_o 2._o my_o rely_v upon_o jesus_n christ_n have_v nothing_o of_o my_o own_o to_o rest_v upon_o i_o fly_v to_o he_o and_z rest_z oâ—_n he_o for_o all_o as_o my_o alone_a saviour_n and_o redeemer_n 3_o i_o delight_v to_o read_v the_o holy_a word_n of_o god_n and_o to_o hear_v or_o other_o wise_a to_o partake_v thereof_o in_o which_o i_o find_v much_o comfort_n 4._o the_o comfort_n which_o i_o find_v by_o enlargement_n of_o my_o soul_n when_o god_n come_v in_o under_o the_o mean_n in_o duty_n and_o the_o loathnesse_n i_o have_v to_o be_v deprive_v of_o the_o ordinance_n 5._o the_o peace_n i_o find_v with_o my_o god_n in_o my_o soul_n which_o be_v sweet_a though_o not_o without_o much_o heaviness_n of_o spirit_n for_o my_o fail_n i_o do_v not_o live_v without_o wane_v and_o change_v in_o my_o spiritual_a life_n and_o faith_n towards_o the_o lord_n for_o sometime_o i_o trust_v god_n with_o all_o and_o at_o other_o time_n i_o meet_v with_o some_o donbting_n yet_o bless_v be_v god_n i_o find_v they_o more_o and_o more_o assuage_v and_o my_o communion_n with_o christ_n every_o day_n more_o sweet_a and_o full_a 6._o i_o doubt_v not_o but_o the_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n my_o redeemer_n will_v so_o support_v i_o through_o his_o grace_n that_o what_o ever_o my_o condition_n have_v be_v or_o shall_v be_v here_o i_o shall_v not_o fail_v of_o salvation_n through_o christ_n in_o heaven_n for_o ever_o l._n p._n xxxv_o experience_n of_o f._n p._n i_o have_v be_v trouble_v at_o the_o thought_n of_o my_o corruption_n and_o wretched_a condition_n i_o have_v former_o have_v some_o doubt_n touching_n the_o scripture_n whether_o they_o be_v truth_n or_o not_o but_o have_v be_v since_o trouble_v that_o i_o make_v those_o foolish_a doubt_n to_o question_n god_n word_n and_o be_v so_o wound_v in_o my_o conscience_n for_o my_o sin_n therein_o that_o i_o fear_v i_o shall_v be_v damn_v for_o it_o because_o i_o think_v it_o be_v a_o sin_n that_o god_n will_v not_o pardon_v i_o have_v also_o strange_a thought_n about_o the_o sinful_a way_n of_o ungodly_a people_n and_o consider_v how_o loose_o people_n live_v i_o and_o temptation_n to_o persuade_v i_o that_o sure_o there_o be_v some_o easy_a way_n to_o heaven_n then_o the_o scripture_n have_v lay_v down_o or_o then_o i_o have_v learn_v but_o for_o these_o evil_a thought_n of_o i_o i_o have_v be_v so_o afflict_v in_o my_o spirit_n that_o i_o think_v i_o be_v a_o damn_a wretch_n i_o have_v be_v tempt_v by_o these_o blasphemous_a thought_n against_o the_o lord_n which_o have_v so_o afflict_v i_o that_o sometime_o i_o fear_v the_o devil_n will_v fetch_v i_o away_o and_o carry_v i_o to_o hell_n and_o i_o have_v think_v sometime_o that_o sure_o god_n can_v not_o in_o justice_n pardon_v such_o sin_n as_o i_o have_v commit_v i_o have_v also_o be_v tempt_v to_o make_v away_o myself_o but_o the_o lord_n god_n put_v i_o in_o mind_n to_o consider_v that_o it_o will_v not_o give_v i_o ease_v or_o comfort_n but_o be_v the_o way_n to_o enter_v into_o endless_a misery_n and_o thus_o i_o lay_v afflict_v with_o a_o most_o sad_a &_o trouble_v some_o spirit_n for_o about_o a_o year_n yet_o though_o with_o little_a hope_n from_o my_o present_a sense_n i_o have_v desire_n that_o god_n will_v save_v i_o and_o some_o groan_n i_o have_v after_o he_o and_o in_o his_o time_n which_o be_v best_a i_o begin_v to_o find_v enlargement_n of_o heart_n from_o god_n and_o a_o great_a longing_n for_o christ_n which_o increase_v through_o the_o work_n of_o his_o glorious_a power_n so_o that_o i_o think_v i_o can_v have_v be_v content_a to_o have_v go_v through_o all_o the_o misery_n in_o the_o world_n to_o have_v enjoy_v he_o and_o in_o my_o sleep_n i_o dream_v that_o i_o see_v my_o saviour_n lie_v in_o a_o grave_a and_o after_o again_o i_o see_v he_o rise_v from_o death_n when_o i_o awake_v and_o have_v some_o thought_n about_o my_o dream_n i_o find_v comfort_n in_o my_o soul_n and_o begin_v more_o sweet_o to_o hope_n that_o christ_n jesus_n die_v for_o my_o sin_n and_o be_v rise_v again_o for_o my_o justification_n but_o the_o devil_n who_o go_v about_o like_o a_o roar_a lion_n do_v still_o tempt_v i_o so_o that_o i_o be_v again_o ready_a to_o despair_v for_o my_o former_a evil_a thought_n and_o i_o be_v afraid_a that_o satan_n will_v have_v i_o and_o i_o doubt_v that_o god_n have_v no_o part_n in_o i_o which_o cause_v i_o to_o weep_v much_o and_o i_o be_v exceed_o trouble_v and_o sometime_o think_v that_o very_o i_o hear_v the_o devil_n come_v in_o a_o whirlwind_n for_o i_o and_o so_o terrify_v be_v my_o conscience_n that_o from_o the_o thought_n of_o the_o wrath_n which_o i_o fear_v i_o can_v have_v wish_v myself_o a_o beast_n a_o dog_n or_o any_o thing_n because_o their_o misery_n will_v have_v a_o end_n but_o aftermany_a comfortable_a discourse_n with_o friend_n and_o read_v some_o godly_a book_n that_o come_v to_o my_o hand_n the_o lord_n god_n in_o time_n deliver_v i_o from_o those_o temptation_n and_o have_v since_o comfort_v i_o with_o these_o promise_n to_o the_o great_a joy_n of_o my_o heart_n though_o some_o time_n i_o have_v not_o be_v without_o some_o doubt_n the_o lord_n have_v say_v be_v content_a with_o such_o thing_n as_o you_o have_v for_o he_o have_v say_v i_o will_v never_o leave_v thou_o nor_o forsake_v thou_o so_o that_o i_o may_v bold_o say_v the_o lord_n be_v my_o helper_n heb._n 13.5,6_o the_o lord_n say_v sin_n shall_v not_o have_v dominion_n over_o you_o rom._n 6.14_o this_o have_v often_o give_v i_o much_o comfort_n and_o keep_v up_o my_o soul_n when_o i_o have_v be_v ready_a to_o despair_v and_o christ_n say_v i_o will_v pray_v the_o father_n and_o he_o shall_v give_v you_o another_o comforter_n that_o he_o may_v abide_v with_o you_o for_o ever_o even_o the_o spirit_n of_o truth_n john_n 14.16,17_o and_o i_o have_v this_o testimony_n of_o my_o interest_n in_o christ_n by_o faith_n wrought_v by_o his_o bless_a spirit_n in_o i_o 1_o i_o see_v such_o a_o frailty_n in_o my_o flesh_n that_o except_o the_o lord_n send_v his_o holy_a spirit_n to_o enable_v i_o i_o can_v do_v any_o thing_n of_o my_o duty_n to_o god_n of_o myself_o it_o be_v the_o spirit_n of_o the_o lord_n and_o not_o any_o thing_n in_o i_o that_o be_v the_o foundation_n of_o my_o comfort_n 2._o i_o have_v have_v many_o time_n if_o my_o heart_n deceive_v i_o not_o clear_a testimony_n and_o evidence_n that_o i_o love_v god_n more_o than_o any_o thing_n else_o and_o desire_v he_o above_o all_o 3._o i_o desire_v much_o to_o hear_v the_o word_n and_o be_o trouble_v that_o sometime_o it_o do_v not_o so_o pierce_v into_o my_o heart_n as_o i_o desire_v 4._o i_o have_v sometime_o such_o sweet_a comfort_n and_o enlargement_n in_o my_o soul_n that_o i_o find_v much_o peace_n with_o god_n thereby_o which_o i_o
but_o this_o i_o find_v by_o experlence_n to_o the_o praise_n of_o my_o god_n free_a grace_n that_o as_o trouble_n have_v abound_v my_o consolation_n have_v abound_v much_o more_o for_o god_n bring_v seasonable_o into_o my_o mind_n many_o precious_a promise_n which_o be_v as_o so_o many_o sweet_a cordial_n which_o much_o support_v and_o comfort_v my_o heart_n and_o uphold_v my_o spirit_n when_o new_a storm_n have_v arisen_a and_o unexpected_a deliverance_n have_v follow_v and_o i_o have_v and_o do_v resolve_v by_o god_n grace_n not_o to_o distrust_v he_o any_o more_o yer_z though_o more_o and_o great_a danger_n shall_v arise_v yet_o i_o will_v trust_v in_o he_o and_o stay_v myself_o upon_o he_o though_o as_o job_n say_v he_o shall_v slay_v i_o the_o good_a lord_n establish_v my_o heart_n in_o this_o good_a and_o holy_a resolution_n who_o be_v able_a to_o keep_v we_o to_o the_o end_n and_o have_v promise_v that_o he_o will_v preserve_v we_o by_o his_o power_n through_o faith_n to_o the_o salvation_n of_o our_o soul_n in_o regard_n of_o satan_n temptation_n especial_o concern_v my_o come_n to_o the_o sacrament_n of_o the_o lord_n supper_n my_o experience_n have_v be_v these_o find_v often_o that_o i_o be_v very_o unable_a to_o fit_v and_o prepare_v myself_o for_o a_o comfortable_a approach_n to_o that_o sacred_a ordinance_n i_o use_v to_o desire_v the_o prayer_n of_o the_o congregation_n unto_o god_n in_o my_o behalf_n and_o use_v the_o best_a endeavour_n i_o can_v in_o private_a as_o god_n enable_v i_o though_o i_o come_v far_o short_a of_o what_o be_v require_v and_o of_o what_o i_o desire_v so_o that_o i_o do_v trust_v and_o hope_n through_o god_n mercy_n to_o find_v a_o comfortable_a day_n of_o it_o and_o to_o have_v it_o a_o seal_a ordinance_n to_o my_o soul_n but_o on_o the_o contrary_a i_o find_v much_o deadness_n and_o little_a spiritual_a taste_n relish_n and_o comfort_n in_o the_o use_n of_o it_o so_o that_o my_o spirit_n be_v oft_o much_o trouble_v and_o cast_v down_o in_o i_o fear_v lest_o i_o have_v some_o secret_a sin_n undiscovered_a and_o unrepented_a of_o which_o cause_v the_o lord_n thus_o to_o hide_v his_o face_n from_o i_o but_o then_o my_o gracious_a god_n bring_v this_o into_o my_o mind_n that_o the_o lord_n do_v sometime_o afflict_v we_o for_o the_o exercise_n and_o improvement_n of_o our_o grace_n as_o well_o as_o to_o humble_v we_o for_o our_o sin_n i_o also_o consider_v that_o as_o the_o lord_n do_v tender_a great_a mercy_n to_o we_o in_o this_o sacrament_n renew_v his_o covenant_n of_o grace_n and_o seal_v to_o we_o the_o pardon_n of_o our_o sin_n in_o the_o blood_n of_o christ_n so_o he_o give_v we_o leave_v to_o engage_v ourselves_o by_o renew_v our_o covenant_n with_o he_o to_o believe_v in_o he_o and_o to_o trust_v upon_o christ_n for_o life_n and_o salvation_n and_o it_o please_v god_n to_o give_v i_o faith_n to_o apply_v this_o to_o my_o own_o particular_a soul_n and_o a_o while_n after_o to_o show_v i_o and_o to_o make_v good_a to_o my_o soul_n that_o precious_a and_o comfortable_a promise_n that_o though_o he_o hide_v his_o face_n from_o we_o for_o a_o little_a moment_n yet_o with_o mercy_n and_o lâ—ving_a kindness_n he_o will_v return_v to_o we_o again_o this_o be_v a_o wonderful_a comfort_n and_o support_v to_o my_o deject_a heart_n bless_a be_v the_o lord_n for_o ever_o i_o desire_v to_o treasure_n up_o these_o experience_n that_o for_o the_o future_a i_o may_v in_o the_o like_a case_n resolve_v to_o put_v my_o whole_a trust_n and_o conâ—idence_n in_o he_o that_o so_o satan_n may_v not_o entrap_v i_o in_o his_o snare_n through_o unbelief_n but_o that_o i_o may_v resist_v he_o steadfast_a in_o the_o faith_n for_o i_o be_o not_o altogether_o ignorant_a of_o his_o device_n god_n promise_n be_v that_o in_o all_o these_o thing_n we_o shall_v be_v more_o than_o conqueror_n through_o he_o that_o have_v love_v we_o and_o have_v say_v that_o this_o be_v the_o victory_n whereby_o we_o overcome_v the_o world_n even_o our_o faith_n 1_o john_n 5.4_o in_o the_o year_n 1664_o there_o come_v to_o we_o the_o sad_a news_n of_o the_o death_n of_o my_o second_o son_n mr._n john_n clark_n a_o godly_a faithful_a and_o powerful_a minister_n thus_o as_o the_o wave_n of_o the_o sea_n follow_v one_o another_o so_o god_n be_v please_v to_o exercise_v his_o child_n with_o one_o affliction_n after_o another_o he_o see_v whilst_o we_o carry_v about_o we_o this_o body_n of_o sin_n we_o have_v need_n of_o manifold_a trial_n and_o temptation_n as_o say_v the_o apostle_n 1_o pet_n 1.6_o now_o for_o a_o season_n you_o be_v in_o heaviness_n if_o need_v be_v through_o manifold_a temptation_n to_o keep_v we_o under_o and_o to_o make_v we_o the_o better_a to_o remember_v ourselves_o indeed_o it_o have_v be_v the_o lord_n course_n and_o deal_n with_o i_o ever_o since_o he_o stop_v i_o in_o the_o way_n as_o i_o be_v post_v to_o hell_n to_o raise_v up_o one_o affliction_n or_o other_o either_o inward_a or_o outward_a either_o from_o satan_n the_o world_n or_o my_o own_o corrupt_a heart_n and_o nature_n not_o have_v wisdom_n and_o grace_n to_o behave_v and_o carry_v myself_o as_o i_o ought_v under_o his_o various_a dispensation_n and_o providence_n as_o appear_v at_o this_o time_n by_o his_o lay_v so_o great_a and_o grievous_a a_o affliction_n upon_o i_o in_o take_v away_o so_o dear_a a_o son_n from_o who_o i_o have_v much_o soul-comfort_n and_o ardent_a affection_n which_o he_o manifest_v by_o his_o fervent_a prayer_n for_o i_o and_o by_o his_o spiritual_a letter_n and_o write_n to_o i_o wherein_o he_o apply_v himself_o suitable_o to_o my_o comfort_n in_o those_o inward_a trouble_n of_o heart_n and_o spirit_n that_o lay_v upon_o i_o this_o cause_v my_o grief_n and_o sorrow_n to_o take_v the_o great_a hold_n on_o i_o upon_o the_o loss_n of_o one_o who_o be_v so_o useful_a to_o i_o yet_o hereby_o i_o do_v not_o derogate_v from_o my_o elder_a son_n from_o who_o i_o have_v the_o like_a help_n and_o comfort_n upon_o this_o sad_a occasion_n my_o grief_n grow_v so_o great_a that_o i_o take_v no_o pleasure_n of_o any_o thing_n in_o the_o world_n but_o be_v so_o overwhelm_v with_o melancholy_a and_o my_o natural_a strength_n be_v so_o abate_v that_o little_a food_n serve_v my_o turn_n and_o i_o judge_v that_o i_o can_v not_o live_v long_o in_o such_o a_o condition_n hereupon_o i_o begin_v to_o examine_v my_o heart_n why_o it_o shall_v be_v so_o with_o i_o and_o whether_o carnal_a and_o inordinate_a affection_n be_v not_o the_o great_a cause_n of_o my_o trouble_n which_o i_o much_o fear_v and_o have_v use_v many_o argument_n and_o lay_v down_o many_o reason_n to_o myself_o to_o quiet_a and_o moderate_v my_o passion_n yet_o nothing_o prevail_v to_o quiet_a and_o calm_a my_o heart_n and_o to_o bow_v i_o to_o the_o obedience_n of_o god_n reveal_v will_n and_o withal_o consider_v that_o it_o be_v god_n only_o that_o can_v quiet_v the_o heart_n and_o set_v our_o unruly_a and_o carnal_a affection_n into_o a_o holy_a frame_n and_o order_n and_o that_o he_o be_v a_o present_a help_n in_o time_n of_o trouble_n i_o often_o and_o earnest_o seek_v the_o lord_n with_o many_o prayer_n and_o tear_n beseech_v he_o to_o quiet_v my_o heart_n and_o to_o overpower_v and_o tame_v my_o unruly_a affection_n so_o as_o to_o be_v willing_a to_o submit_v unto_o he_o and_o to_o bear_v his_o afflict_a hand_n patient_o and_o fruitful_o and_o to_o be_v ready_a and_o willing_a to_o submit_v either_o in_o do_v or_o suffer_v whatsoever_o he_o please_v to_o impose_v upon_o i_o and_o to_o be_v ready_a to_o part_v with_o the_o best_a outward_a comfort_n i_o enjoy_v whensoever_o he_o shall_v please_v to_o call_v for_o the_o same_o and_o it_o please_v god_n seasonable_o to_o hear_v my_o prayer_n to_o regard_v my_o tear_n and_o to_o grant_v my_o request_n by_o calm_v and_o quiet_v my_o heart_n and_o spirit_n and_o to_o give_v i_o much_o more_o contentedness_n to_o submit_v to_o his_o holy_a will_n and_o good_a pleasure_n who_o be_v a_o god_n of_o judgement_n and_o know_v the_o fit_a time_n and_o season_n to_o come_v in_o with_o refresh_a comfort_n and_o who_o wait_v to_o be_v gracious_a unto_o those_o that_o trust_v in_o he_o yet_o sure_o i_o be_v not_o without_o many_o temptation_n in_o this_o hour_n of_o darkness_n from_o that_o subtle_a adversary_n who_o always_o stand_v at_o watch_n to_o insinuate_v and_o frame_v his_o temptation_n answerable_a to_o our_o condition_n and_o like_o a_o roar_a lion_n walk_v about_o continual_o seek_v to_o devour_v poor_a yet_o grecious_a soul_n then_o i_o call_v upon_o the_o lord_n in_o my_o distress_n and_o he_o answer_v i_o and_o deliver_v i_o bless_v
hearty_o concern_v for_o the_o pious_a education_n of_o his_o child_n wish_v that_o his_o son_n may_v never_o be_v a_o wit_n that_o be_v say_v he_o that_o he_o may_v never_o be_v one_o of_o those_o wretched_a creature_n who_o pride_n themselves_o in_o abuse_v god_n and_o religion_n deny_v his_o be_v or_o his_o providence_n but_o that_o he_o may_v become_v a_o honest_a and_o a_o religious_a man_n which_o can_v only_o be_v the_o support_n and_o blessing_n of_o his_o family_n complain_v what_o a_o vicious_a and_o naughty_a world_n his_o child_n be_v bring_v into_o and_o that_o no_o fortune_n or_o honour_n be_v comparable_a to_o the_o love_n and_o favour_n of_o god_n to_o they_o in_o who_o name_n he_o bless_v they_o pray_v for_o they_o and_o commit_v they_o to_o his_o protection_n he_o have_v one_o son_n and_o three_o daughter_n and_o once_o call_v they_o all_o before_o he_o he_o say_v to_o a_o gentleman_n then_o present_a that_o he_o may_v there_o observe_v how_o good_a the_o almighty_a have_v be_v to_o he_o in_o bestow_v so_o many_o blessing_n upon_o he_o but_o that_o he_o have_v carry_v himself_o to_o god_n like_o a_o ungracious_a and_o unthankful_a dog_n he_o give_v strict_a charge_n to_o those_o person_n in_o who_o custody_n his_o paper_n be_v to_o burn_v all_o his_o prophaneand_a lewd_a writing_n as_o be_v only_o fit_a to_o promate_v vice_n and_o immorality_n by_o which_o he_o have_v so_o high_o offend_v god_n and_o shame_v and_o blaspheme_v that_o holy_a religion_n into_o which_o he_o have_v be_v baptize_v and_o all_o hisobscene_a and_o filthy_a picture_n which_o be_v so_o notorious_o scandalous_a he_o show_v much_o readiness_n to_o make_v restitution_n to_o the_o utmost_a of_o his_o power_n to_o all_o person_n who_o he_o have_v injure_v and_o for_o those_o who_o he_o can_v not_o make_v compensation_n to_o he_o pray_v for_o god_n and_o there_o pardon_n and_o he_o be_v remarkable_o just_a in_o take_v all_o possible_a care_n for_o the_o payment_n of_o his_o debt_n which_o before_o he_o confess_v he_o have_v not_o so_o fair_o and_o effectua_o do_v he_o be_v exceed_v ready_a to_o forgive_v all_o injury_n do_v against_o he_o some_o of_o which_o he_o particular_o mention_v which_o be_v great_a and_o provoke_a yet_o he_o be_v willing_a not_o only_o to_o pardon_v they_o but_o likewise_o to_o give_v they_o assurance_n of_o his_o future_a friendship_n and_o hope_v that_o he_o shall_v be_v as_o free_o forgive_v at_o the_o hand_n of_o god_n he_o be_v very_o tender_a and_o concern_v for_o his_o servant_n who_o be_v about_o he_o in_o his_o extremity_n to_o who_o he_o be_v very_o kind_a by_o his_o last_o will_n pity_v there_o trouble_v in_o watch_v with_o he_o and_o attend_v he_o treat_v they_o with_o candour_n and_o gentleness_n as_o if_o they_o have_v be_v his_o equal_n he_o hearty_o endeavour_v to_o be_v serviceble_a to_o those_o about_o he_o exhort_v they_o to_o the_o fear_n and_o love_n of_o goâ—_n and_o to_o make_v good_a use_n of_o he_o for_o bearance_n and_o long_o suffer_v to_o sinner_n which_o shall_v lead_v thom_n to_o repentance_n and_o particular_o a_o person_n of_o quality_n come_v to_o visit_v he_o on_o his_o death_n bed_n he_o address_v he_o with_o this_o most_o pious_a and_o most_o passionate_a exclumation_n o_o remember_v that_o you_o contemn_v god_n no_o more_o he_o be_v a_o avenge_a god_n and_o will_v visit_v you_o for_o your_o sin_n and_o will_v in_o mercy_n i_o hope_v touch_v your_o conscience_n soon_o or_o late_a as_o he_o have_v do_v i_o you_o and_o i_o have_v be_v friend_n and_o sinner_n together_o a_o great_a while_n therefore_o i_o be_o the_o more_o free_a with_o you_o we_o have_v be_v all_o mistake_v in_o our_o conceit_n and_o opinion_n our_o persuasion_n have_v be_v false_a and_o groundless_a therefore_o god_n grant_v you_o repentance_n and_o see_v the_o same_o gentleman_n the_o next_o day_n again_o he_o say_v to_o he_o perhaps_o you_o be_v disoblige_v by_o my_o plainess_n to_o you_o yesterday_o i_o speak_v the_o word_n of_o truth_n and_o soberness_n to_o you_o and_o strike_v his_o hand_n upon_o his_o breast_n he_o add_v i_o hope_v god_n will_v turn_v your_o heart_n and_o he_o command_v his_o chaplain_n to_o preach_v abroad_o and_o to_o let_v all_o man_n know_v if_o they_o know_v it_o not_o already_o how_o severe_o god_n have_v discipline_v he_o for_o his_o sin_n by_o his_o afflict_a hand_n that_o his_o suffering_n be_v most_o just_a though_o he_o have_v lay_v ten_o thousand_o time_n more_o upon_o he_o how_o he_o have_v lay_v one_o stripe_n upon_o another_o because_o of_o his_o grievous_a provocation_n till_o he_o have_v bring_v he_o home_o to_o himself_o that_o his_o former_a visitation_n have_v not_o that_o bless_a effect_n which_o he_o be_v now_o sensible_a of_o he_o have_v former_o some_o loose_a thought_n and_o &_o slight_a resolution_n of_o reform_v and_o designed-to_a be_v better_a because_o even_o the_o present_a consequen_n ces_fw-fr of_o sin_n be_v still_o pester_v he_o and_o be_v so_o troublesome_a and_o inconvenient_a to_o he_o but_o that_o he_o hadnow_v other_o sentiment_n of_o thing_n and_o act_v upon_o other_o principle_n he_o give_v it_o another_o learned_a divine_a in_o charge_n not_o to_o spare_v he_o if_o he_o shall_v die_v in_o publish_v any_o thing_n which_o may_v be_v of_o use_n to_o the_o live_n be_v willing_a that_o the_o worst_a as_o well_o as_o the_o best_a part_n of_o his_o life_n shall_v be_v expose_v so_o sincere_a be_v he_o in_o his_o repentance_n as_o to_o be_v willing_a to_o take_v shame_n to_o himself_o by_o suffer_v his_o fault_n to_o be_v expose_v for_o the_o benefit_n of_o other_o pray_v god_n that_o as_o his_o life_n have_v do_v much_o hurt_n so_o his_o death_n may_v do_v some_o good_a last_o he_o discover_v a_o great_a willingness_n to_o die_v if_o it_o please_v god_n resign_v himself_o always_o to_o the_o divine_a disposal_n but_o if_o god_n shall_v spare_v he_o yet_o a_o long_a time_n here_o he_o hope_v to_o bring_v glory_n to_o the_o name_n of_o god_n in_o the_o whole_a course_n of_o his_o life_n and_o particular_o by_o his_o endeavour_n to_o convince_v other_o and_o to_o assure_v they_o of_o the_o danger_n of_o their_o condition_n if_o they_o continue_v impenitent_a and_o how_o gracious_o god_n have_v deal_v with_o he_o be_v desirous_a to_o live_v upon_o no_o other_o account_n but_o that_o by_o the_o change_n of_o his_o manner_n and_o his_o former_a company_n and_o course_n of_o life_n he_o may_v in_o some_o measure_n take_v off_o the_o high_a scandal_n that_o his_o former_a behaviour_n have_v give_v he_o have_v a_o great_a sense_n of_o his_o obligation_n to_o those_o worthy_a divine_n who_o charitable_o and_o frequent_o visit_v he_o and_o pray_v with_o he_o and_o be_v thereby_o all_o very_a serviceable_a to_o his_o repentance_n i_o shall_v conclude_v these_o remark_n with_o his_o die_a remonstrance_n sign_v by_o his_o own_o hand_n as_o his_o true_a sense_n which_o be_v as_o follow_v for_o the_o benefit_n of_o all_o those_o who_o i_o have_v draw_v into_o sin_n by_o my_o example_n and_o encouragement_n i_o leave_v to_o the_o world_n this_o my_o last_o declaration_n which_o i_o deliver_v in_o the_o presence_n of_o the_o great_a god_n who_o know_v the_o secret_n of_o all_o heart_n and_o before_o who_o i_o be_o now_o appear_v to_o be_v judge_v that_o from_o the_o bottom_n of_o my_o soul_n i_o detest_v and_o abhor_v the_o whole_a course_n of_o my_o former_a wicked_a life_n that_o i_o think_v i_o can_v never_o sufficient_o admire_v the_o goodness_n of_o god_n who_o have_v give_v i_o a_o true_a sense_n of_o my_o pernicious_a opinion_n and_o vile_a practice_n by_o which_o i_o have_v hitherto_o live_v without_o hope_n and_o without_o god_n in_o the_o world_n have_v be_v a_o open_a enemy_n to_o jesus_n christ_n do_v the_o utmost_a despite_n to_o the_o holy_a spirit_n of_o grace_n and_o that_o the_o great_a testimony_n of_o my_o charity_n to_o such_o be_v to_o warn_v they_o in_o the_o name_n of_o god_n and_o as_o they_o regard_v the_o welfare_n of_o their_o immortal_a soul_n no_o more_o to_o deny_v his_o be_v or_o his_o providence_n or_o despise_v his_o goodness_n no_o more_o to_o make_v a_o mock_n of_o sin_n or_o contemn_v the_o pure_a and_o excellent_a religion_n of_o my_o ever_o bless_a redeemer_n through_o who_o merit_n alone_o i_o one_o of_o the_o great_a of_o sinner_n do_v yet_o hope_v for_o mercy_n and_o forgiveness_n amen_n j._n rochester_n declare_v and_o sign_v june_n 19_o 1680._o in_o the_o presence_n of_o ann_n rochester_n robert_n parson_n he_o enjoy_v a_o steady_a temper_n of_o mind_n through_o the_o whole_a course_n of_o his_o sickness_n and_o repentance_n which_o must_v needs_o proceed_v not_o from_o a_o
hurry_n or_o perturbation_n of_o mind_n or_o body_n arise_v from_o the_o fear_n of_o death_n or_o dread_a of_o hell_n only_o but_o from_o a_o ingenious_a love_n to_o god_n and_o a_o uniform_a regard_n to_o virtue_n suitable_a to_o that_o solemn_a declaration_n of_o he_o i_o will_v not_o commit_v the_o least_o sin_n to_o gain_v a_o kingdom_n and_o he_o have_v all_o possible_a symptom_n of_o a_o last_a perseverance_n in_o this_o admirable_a christian_a resolution_n if_o god_n have_v restore_v he_o to_o health_n to_o which_o may_v be_v add_v his_o comfortable_a persuasion_n of_o god_n accept_v he_o to_o his_o mercy_n say_v three_o or_o four_o day_n before_o his_o death_n i_o shall_v die_v but_o oh_o what_o unspeakable_a glory_n do_v i_o see_v what_o joy_n beyond_o thought_n or_o expression_n be_o i_o sensible_a of_o i_o be_o assure_v of_o god_n mercy_n to_o i_o through_o jesus_n christ_n oh_o how_o i_o long_o to_o die_v and_o to_o be_v with_o my_o saviour_n the_o time_n of_o his_o sickness_n and_o repentance_n be_v just_a nine_o week_n in_o all_o which_o space_n he_o be_v so_o much_o master_n of_o his_o reason_n and_o have_v so_o clear_a a_o understanding_n except_o about_o thirty_o hour_n in_o which_o he_o be_v delirious_a that_o he_o never_o dictate_v or_o speak_v more_o compose_v in_o his_o life_n and_o therefore_o if_o any_o shall_v continue_v to_o say_v his_o piety_n be_v the_o effect_n of_o madness_n or_o vapour_n the_o assertion_n be_v as_o silly_a as_o it_o be_v wicked_a and_o that_o the_o force_n of_o this_o great_a penitence_n may_v not_o be_v evade_v by_o evil_a man_n who_o be_v resolve_v to_o harden_v their_o heart_n against_o all_o conviction_n by_o say_v it_o be_v do_v in_o a_o corner_n the_o truth_n hereof_o be_v very_o well_o know_v to_o all_o sort_n of_o person_n who_o in_o considerable_a number_n visit_v and_o attend_v he_o and_o particular_o by_o those_o eminent_a physician_n who_o be_v conversant_a with_o he_o in_o the_o whole_a course_n of_o his_o tedious_a sickness_n and_o who_o if_o any_o be_v competent_a judge_n whether_o he_o be_v 〈◊〉_d a_o frenzy_n or_o distract_a who_o all_o declare_v that_o he_o have_v not_o the_o least_o symptom_n of_o it_o but_o be_v as_o seasâ—…ble_a as_o at_o any_o time_n in_o his_o life_n and_o health_n and_o if_o any_o shall_v be_v still_o unsatisfied_a herein_o in_o this_o hard_a heart_a generation_n it_o matter_n not_o let_v they_o at_o their_o cost_n be_v unbeliever_n still_o so_o long_o as_o this_o excellent_a penitent_a en_fw-fr joy_v the_o comfort_n of_o his_o repentance_n fince_n from_o all_o these_o admirable_a sign_n we_o have_v great_a reason_n to_o believe_v comfortable_o that_o his_o repentance_n be_v real_a and_o his_o end_n happy_a and_o we_o may_v according_o imitaâ—…_n he_o neighbour_n and_o cousin_n of_o elizabeth_n luke_n 1.52_o 〈…〉_o when_o they_o hear_v how_o the_o lord_n have_v sheweâ—…_n great_a mercy_n upon_o she_o come_v and_o rejoice_v with_o hen_n 〈…〉_o in_o we_o shall_v join_v with_o the_o whole_a court_n of_o heauâ—…y_n since_o our_o bless_a saviour_n have_v tell_v we_o luke_n 15.7_o 〈◊〉_d say_v unto_o you_o that_o joy_n shall_v he_o in_o heaven_n 〈…〉_o that_o repent_v more_o than_o over_o ninety_o and_o 〈…〉_o that_o need_v no_o repentance_n he_o die_v without_o 〈…〉_o or_o groan_v at_o woodstock_n park_n in_o oxfordshire_n july_n 26._o 1680._o postscript_n a_o account_n of_o the_o duty_n and_o usefulness_n of_o communicate_v experience_n be_v already_o give_v i_o shall_v only_o add_v that_o if_o any_o shall_v take_v offence_n at_o the_o publish_n of_o these_o experience_n and_o judge_v it_o unmeet_a especial_o because_o ill_a man_n may_v make_v a_o bad_a use_n of_o they_o i_o desire_v such_o to_o consider_v that_o wicked_a person_n will_v take_v all_o opportunity_n to_o scandalize_v religion_n though_o no_o occasion_n be_v give_v and_o they_o will_v likewise_o abuse_v the_o best_a of_o thing_n to_o evil_a purpose_n yet_o the_o prophet_n david_n say_v come_v and_o hear_v all_o you_o that_o fear_v the_o lord_n and_o i_o will_v declare_v what_o he_o have_v do_v for_o my_o soul_n restore_v unto_o i_o the_o joy_n of_o my_o salvaton_n then_o will_v i_o teach_v transgressor_n thy_o way_n and_o sinner_n shall_v be_v convert_v unto_o thou_o ps_n 51._o so_o that_o this_o declare_v of_o experience_n be_v one_o mean_n which_o we_o may_v expect_v the_o lord_n will_v make_v successful_a to_o the_o conversion_n of_o sinner_n and_o indeed_o the_o book_n of_o psalm_n be_v present_v to_o the_o eye_n of_o all_o man_n both_o good_a and_o bad_a and_o do_v consist_v for_o the_o most_o part_n of_o experience_n and_o paul_n declare_v the_o manner_n of_o his_o conversion_n to_o those_o that_o persecute_v he_o and_o the_o apostle_n peter_n bid_v we_o be_v ready_a always_o to_o give_v a_o answer_n to_o every_o man_n that_o ask_v a_o reason_n of_o the_o hope_n that_o be_v in_o we_o with_o meekness_n and_o fear_n there_o be_v several_a other_o use_n and_o advantage_n from_o declare_v experience_n which_o be_v mention_v in_o the_o beginning_n to_o which_o the_o reader_n be_v refer_v i_o shall_v conclude_v all_o with_o repeat_v my_o earnest_a desire_n that_o this_o small_a tract_n may_v be_v of_o some_o profit_n to_o the_o soul_n of_o man_n and_o then_o my_o design_n in_o publish_v it_o will_v be_v answer_v w._n d._n a_o catalogue_n of_o book_n print_v for_o nath._n crouch_v at_o the_o bell_n in_o the_o poultry_n near_o cheapside_n history_n 1._o england_n monarch_n or_o a_o relation_n of_o the_o most_o remarkable_a traosaction_n from_o julius_n caesar_n adorn_v with_o poem_n and_o the_o picture_n of_o every_o monarch_n from_o k._n will_v the_o conqueror_n to_o this_o time_n with_o a_o list_n of_o the_o nobility_n and_o the_o number_n of_o the_o lord_n and_o commons_o in_o both_o house_n of_o parliament_n and_o other_o usesul_n particular_n price_n one_o shilling_n 2._o the_o history_n of_o the_o house_n of_o orange_n or_o a_o relation_n of_o the_o magnanimon_n achievement_n of_o his_o majesty_n renown_a predecessor_n &_o like_o wise_a of_o his_o own_o heroic_a action_n till_o the_o late_a wonderful_a revolution_n together_o with_o the_o history_n of_o k._n william_n and_o q._n marry_o be_v a_o account_n of_o the_o most_o remarkable_a passage_n to_o this_o time_n price_n one_o shilling_n 3._o the_o history_n of_o the_o two_o late_a king_n charles_n ii_o and_o james_n ii_o and_o of_o the_o most_o observable_a passage_n during_o their_o reign_n and_o the_o secret_a french_a and_o popish_a intrigue_n in_o those_o time_n pr._n 1s_o 4._o the_o history_n of_o oliver_n cromwell_n be_v a_o impartial_a account_n of_o all_o the_o battle_n seiges_n &_o military_a achievement_n wherein_o he_o be_v engage_v in_o england_n scotland_n and_o ireland_n and_o likewise_o of_o his_o civil_a administration_n till_o his_o death_n relate_v matter_n of_o fact_n without_o reflection_n or_o observation_n pr._n 1s_o 5._o the_o war_n in_o england_n scotland_n and_o ireland_n contain_v a_o account_n of_o all_o the_o battle_n sieges_n and_o other_o remarkable_a transaction_n from_o the_o begin_n of_o the_o reign_n of_o k._n charles_n the_o firil_n 1625._o to_o 1660._o the_o trial_n of_o k._n charles_n i_o at_o large_a and_o his_o last_o speech_n with_o picture_n of_o several_a accident_n pr._n 1._o shilling_n 6._o historical_a remark_n and_o observation_n of_o the_o ancient_n and_o present_a state_n of_o london_n &_o westminster_n show_v the_o foundation_n wall_n gate_n bridges_n church_n rivers_n ward_n hall_n hospital_n school_n inn_n of_o court_n charter_n and_o privilege_n thereof_o with_o the_o most_o remarkable_a accident_n as_o to_o war_n fire_n plague_n etc._n etc._n for_o above_o 900_o year_n past_a pr._n 1s_o 7._o admirable_a curiosity_n rarity_n and_o wonder_n in_o england_n scotland_n and_o ireland_n or_o a_o account_n of_o many_o remarkable_a person_n and_o place_n and_o of_o the_o battle_n sieges_n earthquake_n tempest_n thunder_n fire_n murder_n &_o other_o occurence_n for_o many_o hundred_o year_n past_a with_o the_o natural_a and_o artificial_a rarity_n in_o every_o county_n and_o several_a sculpture_n pr._n 1s_o 8._o the_o history_n of_o the_o kingdom_n of_o scotland_n contain_v a_o account_n of_o all_o the_o war_n battle_n &_o other_o remarkable_a transaction_n revolution_n and_o state_n intrigue_n in_o that_o nation_n during_o the_o reign_n of_o 72._o king_n and_o queen_n to_o the_o seven_o year_n of_o king_n william_n iii_o intermix_v with_o variety_n of_o strange_a accident_n prodigious_a appearance_n and_o other_o considerable_a event_n and_o a_o list_n of_o the_o present_a nobility_n of_o that_o kingdom_n illustrate_v with_o picture_n pr._n 1s_o 9_o the_o history_n of_o the_o kingdom_n of_o ireland_n be_v a_o account_n of_o all_o the_o battle_n seiges_n &_o other_o memorable_a passage_n during_o the_o