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ID Title Author Corrected Date of Publication (TCP Date of Publication) STC Words Pages
A41701 A satyr against wooing with a view of the ill consequences that attend it / written by the author of The satyr against woman. Gould, Robert, d. 1709? 1698 (1698) Wing G1435; ESTC R28043 10,962 30

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Coxcomb entertain the Fair Who at the same time is so pleas'd to hear That she fogets she is to be a Bride And loses all her Leach'ry in her Pride Impossible a Man shou'd keep up to That warm Discourse in which he first did Woo It can't be always Angel Love and Dear Celestial Orient Eyes and Matchless Fair Nor can the first Embrace the warm Delight Find a like Repetition every Night These failing Wedlock grows a thing accurst A VVife expects it still as 't was at first Here sinks our Florid Fop and in his Train To the same Snare comes on the Rhiming Swain The Sot that Writes and is an Ass by Rule The Caelia Silvia Chloris Phillis Fool Song is his Meat his Drink his Mistress too For 't is to shew his Wit that maks him Woo Tho' there are better ways that Gift to prove Than wasting time in Courtship Noise and Love No new Collection can of Verse appear No Farce no Comedy thro'all the year But you 'l be sure to meet our Coxcomb there Proud to his senseless Songs to Print his Name And thinks his Whining Love and Scribling Fame This bad and yet that other Songster's worse Whose Madrigals flow only from his Purse So much for Making he at first bestows For Setting next the second Guinea goes The singing Master sharps another Spill Ah! Sir he gargling cries That Note must kill At Midnight he for Serenade prepares As if alike disturbing sickly Ears He must ring his Chimes when the Bells go theirs In vain this Cost and Toil for still 't is found There 's nearer ways to VVood than going round Some Brawny Groom as thus the Fop hums on Cries Ough and Mounts and the Love-suit is done Thus to the Fool the Filly's ready broke The Clown her Pleasure and the Fop her Cloak But granting that there were a Nymph so choice That lik't her Lover purely for his Voice Ev'n granting that 't will not be very long E'er she 'l like Something better than a Song A Common Singer on the Stage has there VVhere Voice will do th' Advantage of a Peer Or tho' by chance his Lordship led the way VVhat one Fool has possest all others may Next to this Wooer we the Slave may place With the sad watry Eyes and Rusul Face That sighs out all his hours and in the Groves Carves on the Beeches his unprosp'rous Loves Sot only fit to make his Court to Trees That hopes a Cure yet tells not his Disease If she appears he shakes a Deathlike Pale Sits on his Visage but the mournful Tale Some Friend at last to the lov'd Lady bears And with the tender Accents wounds her Ears She Melts and now the Joy he wish't is come VVon without VVords she 's born in Triumph home Happy if he wou'd still continue Dumb And pray the Pow'rs to take his Hearing too And save him from the Clamour to ensue If by his Cowardice this gets Success The Bully you may Judge expects no less Mad to enjoy he ventures Life and Limb As if the Nymph were only made for him And Marriage were not binding just or good Unless he cut his way to it thro' Blood Thus the first hour we loving Fops commence Away goes Christianity and Sense A Father's Precepts lose their pious force For Counsel makes a hardn'd Blockhead worse Still he fights on and the most Common Drab He meets with Courts with Duel and with Stab So that at last from Justice fled for fear His Lot does with this double choice appear To starve abroad or to be truss'd up here Vain Man is this our Boast of being brave Is this the Prudence above Beasts we have They tear and gore and will no Rival bear In Rutting time our Rutt holds all the Year Condemn'd to Drudge in those unfathom'd Mines And fonder grow the swifter Life declines This brings me to the stale gray Fop in Years That daily at the Park and Play appears The Scandal and Disgrace of Silver Hairs The Ladies Hearts with Perfumes t' engage Aping in vain the Youthful Lover's Rage For VVomen know too well the Wants of Sapless Age. 'T is true some Men t' a Vig'rous Age arrive But it is then too late to Woo and Wive who 'd shake the Sands when there 's so few to run And clap on Leeches when the Blood is gone Yet e'en in Impotence they 're still the same And hold the Cards tho' they can't play the Game When Nature does in Opposition strive And the last rak't up Ember's scarce alive With this weak Wretch we may the lean one joyn Who choosing Food that Steels him in the Chine Feeds for a Mistress like a fatting Swine A Starv'ling just before of Meagre Face But he crams on and will be brought in case Wisely he lays his Fund for Pleasure in He need not fear the being drain'd again This Fop of all Fops Ladies most shou'd prize Light of their Steps and Jewel of their Eyes Famous as Spouse that all the Gravy Sips And like Laborious Bees he lades his Hips Tho' he that Eats that way t' encrease his Gust Is but a Limbeck for a Woman's Lust. But what can that Notorious Coxcomb say That for a Wife dissolves his Fat away If he so pank't to strike a heat before The loss of Spirits will unbreath him more The first has some pretence for feeding high The more this wasts the less he 'll satisfie Or with his Strength shou'd he not lose desire Yet weakness will not do what she 'll require Fool at her Lover's Corpulence to frown When she her Self so soon cou'd melt him down And all the Pleasure of the Change her own But to please her tho' he was Horse-man's Weight Full fifteen Stone he brings himself to Eight And thinking this way to get more in Breath Gets a Consumption first and next his Death Happier in that how e'er than longest Life With all his former Garbage and a Wife But the proud Lover now 't is time to name He that beyond his Fortune takes his Aim Scorns with Two Thousand Pound the Country Girl And all less than the Daughter of an Earl There he Addresses Masks and Balls are made But finds 'em all too little to perswade Slighting his Love and Haughty as she 's Fair What can the Coxcomb do but next Despair And where that is the Cause we know th' Effect Is Madness Pride cou'd never bear Neglect Hanging or Poys'ning he does now intend Nor does indeed deserve a better end In Quality what was there ever seen Beside Rich Cloaths and an affected Mein Expensive Living and a Fame decay'd We might not find in any meaner Maid If a rich Consort was so much his Care Why must she be descended from a P r The greatest Fortunes are not met with there Why rak't he not among the City Heirs Whence most of our Nobility have theirs And by the ill got Portions Spend-thrifts made Down to the same Degree their Line degrade