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1656._o if_o we_o inquire_v into_o the_o relation_n of_o this_o gentlewoman_n parentage_n either_o by_o affinity_n or_o consanguinity_n or_o both_o side_n the_o family_n be_v ancient_a of_o renown_n and_o good_a reputation_n concern_v the_o family_n from_o whence_o she_o be_v descend_v her_o father_n be_v sir_n nathaniel_n brent_n late_a warden_n of_o merton_n college_n a_o learned_a knight_n who_o great_a pain_n and_o dangerous_a adventure_n to_o procure_v the_o history_n of_o the_o council_n of_o trent_n which_o he_o translate_v into_o english_a be_v to_o be_v remember_v with_o a_o honourable_a mention_n and_o for_o his_o faithful_a discovery_n of_o jesuitical_a juggle_n his_o name_n will_v be_v have_v in_o honour_n when_o the_o name_n of_o the_o popish_a party_n will_v rot_v her_o mother_n the_o lady_n martha_n brent_n be_v a_o lady_n of_o a_o gracious_a spirit_n abound_v in_o love_n meekness_n humility_n love_v to_o god_n ordinance_n and_o god_n child_n her_o delight_n with_o 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be_v exceed_v skilful_a and_o dextrous_a as_o many_o hundred_o in_o the_o city_n have_v find_v from_o time_n to_o time_n be_v seek_v unto_o far_o and_o near_o by_o such_o as_o groan_v under_o affliction_n and_o tentation_n many_o of_o who_o through_o god_n blessing_n upon_o his_o labour_n be_v restore_v to_o joy_n and_o comfort_n out_o of_o unspeakable_a terror_n and_o torment_n of_o conscience_n he_o be_v of_o a_o most_o sweet_a meekness_n and_o meek_a disposition_n yea_o such_o be_v his_o meekness_n of_o spirit_n that_o it_o seem_v not_o to_o be_v parallel_v for_o though_o he_o live_v with_o his_o wife_n above_o twenty_o year_n yet_o neither_o child_n nor_o servant_n can_v ever_o say_v that_o they_o see_v so_o much_o as_o a_o angry_a countenance_n or_o hear_v so_o much_o as_o a_o angry_a word_n proceed_v from_o he_o towards_o her_o all_o her_o life_n long_o some_o have_v observe_v that_o towards_o his_o latter_a end_n in_o his_o visage_n he_o do_v much_o resemble_v the_o picture_n 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be_v in_o she_o in_o short_a she_o have_v such_o a_o eminency_n in_o single_a virtue_n as_o if_o she_o have_v have_v no_o more_o and_o yet_o such_o a_o worthiness_n in_o all_o as_o if_o she_o have_v be_v singular_a in_o none_o since_o the_o trouble_n of_o these_o bleed_a time_n she_o suffer_v many_o affliction_n with_o a_o masculine_a patience_n patience_n though_o much_o embitter_v to_o she_o by_o a_o long_a and_o tedious_a sickness_n and_o the_o necessary_a and_o indispensable_a absence_n of_o her_o dear_a consort_n which_o yet_o she_o profess_v that_o it_o never_o breed_v in_o she_o the_o least_o ill_o think_v of_o he_o say_v often_o that_o she_o do_v but_o desire_v to_o see_v he_o again_o and_o to_o speak_v with_o he_o and_o then_o she_o be_v ready_a if_o god_n so_o please_v the_o next_o day_n to_o sing_v old_a simeon_n nunc_fw-la dimittis_fw-la luke_n 2._o 29._o lord_n now_o let_v thy_o servant_n depart_v in_o peace_n and_o god_n hear_v her_o prayer_n and_o his_o also_o for_o in_o 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of_o her_o grace_n sanctify_v to_o exercise_v she_o very_o much_o in_o the_o school_n of_o affliction_n insomuch_o as_o ten_o year_n before_o her_o death_n she_o be_v one_o time_n reckon_v with_o another_o at_o least_o half_a the_o time_n sick_a but_o god_n order_v this_o sickness_n of_o her_o body_n to_o be_v a_o medicine_n for_o her_o soul._n for_o the_o spirit_n of_o prayer_n be_v much_o set_v on_o work_n hereby_o and_o her_o faith_n love_n and_o patience_n do_v appear_v and_o shine_v the_o more_o eminent_o out_o of_o the_o furnace_n she_o come_v forth_o as_o gold_n purify_v seven_o time_n so_o that_o the_o rod_n and_o staff_n correction_n and_o instruction_n go_v together_o and_o by_o these_o fatherly_a chastisement_n her_o soul_n do_v thrive_v more_o abundant_o when_o she_o be_v able_a she_o neglect_v not_o the_o frequent_v of_o the_o public_a assembly_n they_o be_v her_o delight_n and_o she_o be_v a_o profess_a adversary_n to_o the_o withdraw_n from_o the_o public_a congregation_n of_o the_o saint_n both_o they_o and_o the_o godly_a and_o reverend_a minister_n of_o the_o gospel_n she_o have_v in_o high_a esteem_n and_o reverence_v they_o all_o her_o day_n and_o when_o she_o be_v not_o able_a to_o go_v to_o the_o public_a congregation_n she_o use_v to_o spend_v her_o time_n in_o read_v prayer_n and_o meditate_v at_o home_n and_o employ_v her_o friend_n to_o read_v to_o she_o and_o pray_v with_o she_o such_o as_o be_v stable_n and_o sincere_a christian_n be_v her_o delight_n those_o she_o account_v more_o excellent_a than_o their_o neighbour_n she_o will_v often_o say_v that_o she_o value_v no_o friend_n like_o to_o those_o who_o be_v friend_n to_o her_o soul._n concern_v her_o deportment_n duty_n and_o carriage_n to_o her_o relation_n for_o such_o as_o be_v real_a saint_n show_v it_o in_o their_o several_a capacity_n never_o be_v a_o wife_n more_o full_a of_o sincere_a love_n and_o respect_n to_o a_o husband_n who_o she_o love_v entire_o and_o be_v as_o entire_o belove_v by_o he_o her_o affection_n to_o her_o child_n be_v very_o tender_a she_o be_v careful_a to_o catechise_v instruct_v and_o to_o train_v they_o up_o in_o the_o fear_n of_o god_n and_o upon_o her_o deathbed_n among_o many_o other_o excellent_a counsel_n and_o instruction_n she_o add_v this_o charge_n as_o from_o a_o die_a mother_n that_o they_o shall_v remember_v that_o they_o have_v a_o mother_n who_o will_v not_o allow_v they_o in_o any_o sin_n she_o be_v careful_a also_o to_o instruct_v her_o servant_n and_o to_o teach_v they_o the_o fear_n of_o the_o lord_n indeed_o she_o be_v ready_a and_o willing_a as_o opportunity_n be_v offer_v to_o do_v good_a unto_o all_o and_o as_o need_v require_v give_v unto_o they_o both_o corporal_a and_o spiritual_a food_n she_o have_v a_o large_a heart_n and_o improve_v it_o to_o do_v a_o great_a deal_n of_o good_a in_o a_o little_a time_n insomuch_o as_o the_o poor_a the_o sick_a the_o afflict_a and_o the_o unexperienced_a to_o who_o she_o be_v very_o merciful_a and_o useful_a while_o she_o live_v have_v a_o very_a great_a miss_n of_o she_o when_o she_o be_v dead_a in_o brief_a she_o be_v one_o of_o those_o worthy_n of_o who_o the_o world_n be_v not_o worthy_a and_o yet_o to_o give_v a_o further_a character_n of_o she_o i_o will_v here_o set_v down_o a_o narrative_a copy_v exact_o out_o of_o her_o own_o hand-writing_n of_o god_n gracious_a deal_n with_o her_o soul_n as_o it_o follow_v word_n for_o word_n it_o please_v the_o lord_n out_o of_o the_o riches_n of_o his_o grace_n conversion_n to_o remove_v i_o from_o a_o ignorant_a place_n where_o i_o be_v bear_v and_o to_o bring_v i_o very_o young_a into_o a_o religious_a family_n and_o when_o i_o be_v about_o twelve_o year_n of_o age_n upon_o the_o read_n in_o the_o practice_n of_o piety_n concern_v the_o happy_a estate_n of_o
the_o godly_a and_o the_o miserable_a condition_n of_o the_o wicked_a in_o their_o death_n and_o so_o for_o ever_o unto_o all_o eternity_n it_o please_v the_o lord_n so_o much_o to_o affect_v my_o heart_n with_o it_o as_o from_o that_o time_n my_o heart_n be_v wrought_v over_o to_o a_o desire_n to_o walk_v in_o the_o way_n of_o god_n but_o at_o that_o time_n i_o fear_v i_o do_v not_o go_v upon_o a_o right_a principle_n for_o i_o then_o do_v not_o eye_n the_o glory_n of_o god_n in_o it_o but_o only_o my_o own_o safety_n that_o it_o may_v be_v well_o with_o i_o for_o ever_o but_o quick_o after_o that_o i_o have_v but_o begin_v to_o set_v my_o face_n towards_o zion_n malice_n i_o be_v set_v upon_o with_o many_o temptation_n and_o perplexity_n in_o my_o thought_n which_o be_v very_o troublesome_a to_o i_o at_o all_o time_n but_o especial_o when_o i_o be_v alone_o the_o consideration_n whereof_o bring_v such_o a_o horror_n upon_o my_o conscience_n insomuch_o as_o i_o do_v not_o know_v what_o to_o do_v that_o little_a i_o have_v whether_o from_o education_n or_o from_o the_o light_n of_o nature_n cause_v a_o strive_v in_o i_o continual_o against_o those_o thought_n of_o atheism_n which_o be_v most_o terrible_a unto_o i_o i_o be_v sensible_a that_o it_o be_v a_o fearful_a sin_n to_o have_v any_o such_o thought_n to_o lodge_v within_o my_o breast_n but_o i_o desire_v from_o my_o soul_n to_o be_v free_v from_o they_o and_o have_v continual_a reason_n within_o i_o against_o they_o and_o yet_o still_o for_o a_o long_a time_n i_o be_v trouble_v but_o can_v not_o acquaint_v any_o with_o my_o condition_n i_o do_v not_o think_v that_o it_o be_v so_o with_o any_o other_o as_o it_o be_v with_o i_o in_o this_o strait_a mercy_n when_o i_o know_v not_o which_o way_n to_o turn_v i_o even_o there_o do_v the_o lord_n extend_v his_o compassion_n towards_o i_o in_o my_o great_a extremity_n in_o direct_v i_o to_o read_v calvin_n institution_n and_o especial_o that_o part_n that_o treat_v of_o the_o creation_n whereupon_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o give_v in_o such_o satisfaction_n to_o my_o soul_n concern_v those_o thing_n about_o which_o i_o be_v trouble_v as_o that_o from_o that_o time_n forward_o i_o be_v not_o violent_o assault_v in_o that_o kind_n but_o no_o soon_o be_v i_o free_v from_o that_o trouble_n but_o new_a one_o spring_v up_o for_o the_o very_a remembrance_n of_o that_o horrid_a sin_n of_o atheism_n subtlety_n leave_v such_o a_o terror_n upon_o my_o spirit_n as_o make_v i_o fear_v that_o i_o have_v commit_v that_o sin_n against_o the_o holy_a ghost_n and_o so_o my_o condition_n seem_v to_o be_v not_o only_o for_o the_o present_a but_z in_o my_o apprehension_n then_o for_o ever_o most_o miserable_a all_o other_o sin_n though_o never_o so_o great_a i_o know_v upon_o true_a repentance_n be_v pardonable_a but_o this_o sin_n that_o i_o lay_v under_o the_o fear_n of_o i_o know_v out_o of_o the_o word_n of_o god_n shall_v never_o be_v pardon_v which_o cause_v many_o sad_a fear_n upon_o my_o spirit_n know_v to_o god_n alone_o for_o the_o removal_n of_o these_o fear_n mercy_n the_o lord_n in_o mercy_n direct_v i_o to_o the_o read_n of_o mr._n scudder_n work_n where_o be_v lay_v down_o the_o mark_n of_o that_o sin_n upon_o perusal_n whereof_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o satisfy_v my_o misgive_a heart_n by_o a_o clear_a manifestation_n to_o my_o soul_n that_o i_o have_v not_o commit_v that_o sin_n and_o so_o assure_v i_o that_o though_o my_o sin_n be_v great_a yet_o be_v they_o pardonable_a which_o put_v i_o more_o cheerful_o upon_o the_o use_n of_o such_o mean_n as_o the_o lord_n have_v direct_v i_o unto_o and_o have_v satisfaction_n give_v in_o concern_v this_o particular_a there_o be_v a_o great_a burden_n take_v off_o from_o my_o spirit_n although_o i_o find_v no_o grace_n in_o my_o heart_n nor_o discovery_n of_o the_o love_n of_o god_n unto_o my_o soul_n yet_o in_o that_o there_o be_v but_o a_o possibility_n there_o be_v a_o ground_n of_o comfort_n administer_v to_o my_o heart_n which_o i_o former_o fear_v that_o i_o shall_v be_v shut_v out_o from_o but_o still_o my_o fear_n remain_v that_o i_o be_v not_o one_o of_o those_o in_o particular_a for_o who_o christ_n die_v the_o more_o i_o look_v into_o my_o own_o heart_n the_o more_o i_o see_v of_o sin_n and_o satan_n discourage_v i_o from_o have_v any_o hope_n that_o the_o lord_n shall_v accept_v of_o such_o a_o vile_a sinful_a wretch_n as_o i_o be_v who_o have_v entertain_v such_o sinful_a thought_n i_o likewise_o think_v how_o small_a the_o number_n be_v of_o those_o that_o shall_v be_v save_v in_o comparison_n of_o other_o and_o my_o repentance_n i_o fear_v come_v short_a of_o that_o which_o be_v require_v in_o the_o gospel_n as_o for_o faith_n i_o can_v not_o find_v the_o least_o measure_n of_o it_o in_o my_o soul_n with_o many_o other_o sad_a discourage_a thought_n but_o when_o i_o be_v most_o perplex_v with_o fear_n and_o doubt_n even_o than_o do_v the_o lord_n gracious_o dart_v in_o some_o beam_n of_o his_o reconcile_a countenance_n as_o i_o be_v read_v something_o in_o mr._n scudder_n christian_n daily_o walk_v etc._n etc._n which_o the_o lord_n set_v home_o upon_o my_o soul_n joy_n and_o bring_v into_o my_o soul_n so_o much_o joy_n and_o comfort_n at_o the_o present_a as_o neither_o my_o tongue_n nor_o pen_n can_v express_v but_o this_o joy_n remain_v not_o long_o for_o i_o quick_o lose_v the_o sense_n of_o it_o yet_o the_o remembrance_n of_o it_o be_v sweet_a unto_o i_o at_o all_o time_n but_o after_o this_o all_o my_o former_a fear_n return_v afresh_o again_o upon_o my_o heart_n only_o i_o have_v a_o door_n of_o hope_n open_v that_o when_o god_n see_v it_o best_o for_o i_o he_o will_v return_v and_o renew_v his_o reconcile_a countenance_n unto_o my_o soul_n in_o the_o clear_a light_n and_o apprehension_n thereof_o and_o this_o be_v when_o i_o be_v about_o sixteen_o year_n of_o age_n after_o which_o time_n the_o lord_n do_v exercise_v i_o with_o various_a dispensation_n for_o for_o two_o year_n space_n i_o be_v by_o providence_n cast_v upon_o a_o place_n where_o i_o hear_v very_o little_a powerful_a preach_v small_a help_n for_o the_o good_a of_o my_o soul_n but_o what_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o give_v in_o by_o the_o use_n of_o private_a mean_n but_o his_o power_n and_o abundant_a mercy_n be_v much_o see_v in_o that_o time_n that_o though_o i_o have_v not_o much_o comfort_n meanâ—_n yet_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o keep_v up_o my_o spirit_n in_o a_o way_n of_o depend_v upon_o he_o and_o my_o fear_n be_v less_o at_o that_o time_n than_o former_o when_o i_o have_v more_o help_n so_o gracious_a be_v tâ—â—_n lord_n unto_o i_o in_o keep_v i_o alive_a in_o a_o time_n of_o famine_n after_o this_o through_o god_n goodness_n i_o be_v sometime_o under_o the_o preach_n of_o a_o powerful_a minister_n mr._n bateman_n of_o ockingam_n who_o be_v crown_v with_o the_o conversion_n providence_n strengthen_v and_o build_v up_o of_o many_o soul_n unto_o who_o preach_v the_o lord_n give_v i_o such_o a_o blessing_n as_o i_o seldom_o if_o ever_o go_v away_o from_o hear_v he_o without_o comfort_n though_o i_o come_v to_o hear_v he_o with_o many_o doubt_n upon_o my_o spirit_n yet_o the_o lord_n so_o rule_v and_o direct_v he_o as_o if_o his_o sermon_n have_v be_v only_o concern_v my_o particular_a and_o he_o full_o acquaint_v with_o the_o whole_a condition_n of_o my_o soul._n sometime_o the_o lord_n direct_v i_o to_o some_o support_a promise_n upon_o which_o i_o rely_v but_o those_o promise_n which_o be_v make_v to_o believer_n though_o i_o high_o prize_v they_o yet_o i_o dare_v not_o apply_v they_o to_o myself_o fear_v that_o i_o have_v no_o interest_n in_o they_o but_o that_o promise_n prov._n 28._o 13._o he_o that_o confess_v promise_n and_o forsake_v his_o sin_n shall_v find_v mercy_n and_o that_o 1_o joh._n 1._o 9_o if_o we_o confess_v our_o sin_n he_o be_v faithful_a and_o just_a to_o forgive_v we_o our_o sin_n and_o to_o cleanse_v we_o from_o all_o unrighteousness_n and_o the_o promise_n be_v 1_o joh._n 2._o 1_o 2._o if_o any_o man_n sin_n we_o have_v a_o advocate_n with_o the_o father_n jesus_n christ_n the_o righteous_a and_o he_o be_v the_o propitiation_n for_o our_o sin_n and_o not_o for_o we_o only_o but_o for_o the_o sin_n of_o the_o whole_a world_n and_o the_o invitation_n isa._n 55._o 1._o ho_o every_o one_o that_o thirst_v come_v you_o to_o the_o water_n and_o he_o that_o have_v no_o money_n come_v you_o buy_v and_o eat_v yea_o come_v buy_v wine_n and_o milk_n without_o money_n and_o without_o price_n together_o with_o