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A30143 Grace abounding to the chief of sinners, or, A brief and faithful relation of the exceeding mercy of God in Christ, to his poor servant John Bvnyan wherein is particularly shewed, the manner of his conversion, his fight and trouble for sin, his dreadful temptations, also how he despaired of Gods mercy, and how the Lord at length thorow [sic] Christ did deliver him from all the guilt and terrour that lay upon him : whereunto is added, a brief relation of his call to the work of the ministry, of his temptations therein, as also what he hath met with in prison : all which was written by his own hand there, and now published for the support of the the weak and tempted people of God. Bunyan, John, 1628-1688. 1666 (1666) Wing B5523; ESTC R3994 67,228 108

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with such conceits as these I should think that God did mock at these my prayers saying and that in the audience of the holy Angels This poor simple Wretch doth hanker after me as if I had nothing to do with my mercy but to bestow it on such as he alas poor fool how art thou deceived it is not for such as thee to have favour with the Highest 90. Then hath the Tempter come upon me also with such discouragements as these You are very hot for mercy but I will cool you this frame shall not last alwayes many have been as hot as you for a spirt but I have quench'd their Zeal and with this such and such who were fallen off would be set before mine eyes then I should be afraid that I should do so too but thought I I am glad this comes into my minde well I will watch and take what heed I can Though you do said Satan I shall be too hard for you I will cool you insensibly by degrees by little and little what care I saith he though I be seven years in chilling your heart if I can do it at last continual rocking will lull a crying Child asleep I will ply it close but I will have my end accomplished though you be burning hot at present yet if I can pull you from this fire I shall have you cold before it be long These things brought me into great straights for as I at present could not find my self fit for present death so I thought to live long would make me yet more unfit for time would make me forget all and wear even the remembrance of the evil of sin the worth of Heaven and the need I had of the Blood of Ch●ist to wash me both out of mind and thought But I thank Christ Jesus these things did not at present make me slack my crying but rather did put me more upon it like her who met with the Adulterer Deut. 22.25 in which dayes that was a good word to me after I had suffered these things a while I am perswaded that neither death nor life c. shall separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus Rom. 8.38 And now I hoped long life should not destroy me nor make me miss of Heaven 91. Yet I had some supports in this temptation though they were then all questioned by me That in the third of Jeremiah at the fi●st was something to me and so was the consideration of the fifth verse of that Chapter that though we have spoken and done evil things as we could yet we should cry unto God My Father thou art the Guide of my youth and should return unto him 92. I had also once a sweet glance from that in ● Cor. 5.21 For he hath made him to be sin for us who knew no sin that we might be made the righteousness of God in him I remember also that one day as I was sitting in a Neighbours House and there very sad at the consideration of my many blasphemies and as I was saying in my mind What ground have I to think that I who have been so vile and abominable should ever inherit eternal life that word came suddenly upon me What shall we say to these things If God be for us who can be against us Rom. 8.31 that also was an help unto me Because I live you shall live also Joh. 14.19 But these were but hints touches and short visits though very sweet when present onely they lasted not but like to Peters Sheet of a sudden were caught up from me to Heaven again Act. 10.16 93. But afterwards the Lord did more fully and graciously discover himself unto me and indeed did quite not onely deliver me from the guilt that by these things was laid upon my Conscience but also from the very filth thereof for the temptation was removed and I was put into my right mind again as other Christians were 94. I remember that one day as I was traveling into the Countrey and musing on the wickedness and blasphemy of my heart and considering of the enmity that was in me to God that Scripture came in my mind He hath made peace by the blood of his Cross Col. 1.20 by which I was made to see both again and again and again that day that God and my Soul were friends by this blood yea I saw that the justice of God and my sinful Soul could imbrace and kiss each other through this blood thi● was a good day to me I hope I shall not forget it 95. At another time as I was set by the fi●e in my house and musing on my wretchedness the Lord made that also a precious word unto me For as much then as the children are partakers of flesh and blood he also himself likewise took part of th● same that through death he might destroy him that had the power of death that is the Devil and deliver those who through the fear of death were all their life time subject to bondage Heb. 2.14 15. I thought that the glory of these words was then so weighty on me that I was both once and twice ready to swoon as I sat yet not with grief and trouble but with sollid joy and peace 96. At this time also I sat under the Ministry of holy Mr. Gifford whose Doctrine by Gods grace was much for my stability This man made it much his business to deliver the People of God from all those false and unsound rests that by Nature we are prone to take and make to our Souls he pressed us to take special heed that we took not up any truth upon trust as from this or that or another man or men but to cry mightily to God that he would convince us of the reality thereof and set us down therein by his own Spirit in the holy Word for said he if you do otherwise when temptations come if strongly you not having received them with evidence from Heaven will find you want that help and strength now to resist as once you thought you had 97. This was as seasonable to my Soul as the former and latter rain in their season for I had found and that by sad experience the truth of these his words For I had felt no man can say especially when tempted of the Devil that Jesus Christ is Lord but by the holy Ghost Wherefore I found my Soul thorow Grace very apt to drink in this Doctrine and to incline to pray to God that in nothing that pertained to Gods glory and my own eternal happiness he would suffer me to be without the confirmation thereof from Heaven for now I saw clearly there was an exceeding difference betwix the notions of flesh and blood and the Revelations of God in Heaven also a great difference between that faith that is fained and according to mans wisdom and of that which comes by a man being born thereto of God Mat. 16.15 16. 1 John 5.1 98.