that fellow draw nigh that stands there pointing to my Gentleman for hee is of the occupation At this the Company presently cast their eyes upon him whereat hee was so ashamed that turning his backe and plucking his hat over his eyes hee slunke away leaving the by-standers astonished and me revenged And when the tumult was appeased the Divell continuing said Is my Champion absent I care not greatly if I supply his place Understand then that the Monopolies they would now finde out and the Imposts they would impose and set forward are upon jewels rings plate and precious stones upon lace handkerchers dressings gorgets and the nice attire of women upon coaches that serve for no other purpose but to hurry men to Tavernes Theaters and the assignations of love Upon excesse of apparell feasts and stately moveables Upon Play-houses the schooles of blasphemy and obscenesse And generally upon all other things whatsoever that serve to enhance the pride of the world and encrease our Empire which will become utterly desolate unlesse some good Magistrate and our Friend oppose himselfe against them Not so I persisted by way of interruption In this mee thinkes they are very reasonable seeing that the toleration of such things serve onely to pervert good manners corrupt chastity stirre up riot and prodigality and utterly ruinate modesty and vertue But concerning Magistrates of whom thou beginnest to speake Can it bee possible that there are any Judges in Hell A fine question replied the Divell Friend a wicked Judge is the seed that fructifies most for us 't is a Graine from which we every yeare receive a thousand Doctours ten thousand Proctours Advocates and Lawyers and more than twenty thousand Marshals and Pettifoggers so that many times when the yeares are fruitfull in cheating and deceit wee have not Garners enough to containe the fruit that comes unto us by the meanes of corrupt Judges Wilt thou then inferre that there is no Justice upon Earth Yes said hee if the story of Astrea bee true didst thou ever heare it No Hearken then said the Fiend and I will tell it Truth and Justice on a time came together to inhabite the Earth but found none to entertaine them because one which was Truth was naked and the other severe In the end after they had wandered up and downe like vagabonds without shelter Truth was enforced to dwell with one that was dumbe and Justice seeing her selfe unregarded and that her name was usurped by Tyrants resolved to returne yet that shee might leave no way unessayed shee retired from Courts Palaces and Cities and travelled into the Countrey where in Cottages and Villages shee rested a while under the simplicity and integrity of the poore inhabitants from whence Envy that never left to persecute her remov'd her also Then went she to Gentlemens houses but being never bred up to lie when they demanded who shee was answering I am Iustice they drove her from them too saying we know not what that is So that being generally refused shee fled or rather flew up to Heaven scarce leaving behind so much as the trace of her footsteps Since when men remembring her name attribute that kind of Scepter or Mace unto her which hath a crosse at the top which although it have got the title yet sometimes burnes the Basis because that many times through the abuse of it it helpeth better to steale than the hookes false keyes and ladders of Theeves For humane covetousnesse is growne to that height that all have converted the faculties of their mindes and senses into instruments to commit theft The Lover doth hee not steale a Virgins honour with her owne consent The Lawyer doth he not steale his Clients goods with his knowledge when hee perverts the sense of the Law The Comedian doth he not steal his Spectators heart when hearkning unto the Verses hee hath conn'd hee looses time The Amorous doth hee not steale with his eyes The Eloquent with his tongue The powerfull with his armes The valiant with his hands The Musician with his voyce and fingers The Dancer with his feet The Physician with death The Apothecary with health and sickenesse The Chirurgion with blood The Astrologer with Heaven and there is no man but steales one way or other but most of all the Sergeant who contrary to all these steales away both his Soule and body by wilfull relinquishment for hee forsakes them with his eyes flies from them with his feet and disavowes them with his tongue And they are most of them so wicked that wee say of them as you of the Pestilence Good Lord deliver us I wonder said I to the Intruder that thou hast not reckoned Women among Theeves knowing they are of the same mystery Alas Speake not of Women let them alone I pray you said hee for wee are so pestered weary and troubled with them that wee desire not their remembrance but to speake truth if there were not so many in Hell that would bee none of the worst habitation especially for Winter Oh how much they would give to bee Widowes Since the death of that Witch Mâ—dusa they doe nothing but invent snares labyrinths ambuscadoes and I doubt not but in time will wage warre with us for supremacy of knowledge All the good that is in them is that in our conversations they aske no toyes and new fangles as they doe of you for they know wee deale not in small wares Of what sort have you most of beautifull or deformed Wee have tenne times more of fowle said hee For though the faire meet easily with Gallants that satisfie their burning desires yet it sometimes happens that by continuance of sin they become sated and repent but the fowle wanting this libidinous felicity unlesse they can purchase it and maligning others enter so lanke and dried up that they affright us for the most part of them are all old and die grunting like Sowes mad that the young ones survive them I became packehorse the other day to one of threescore and ten that I tooke doing a certaine exercise against obstructions whom when I had unloden shee beganne to complaine of the toothach to infuse conjecture there were some yet left that shee might appeare lesse odious All my demands are untwisted but this I pray you tell mee if there bee any poore in Hell What doe you meane by poore said the Devill I call him poore that possesseth nothing How understandest thou that said he How Wouldst thou have him condemned that holds nothing of the World when none are damned but such as covet and enjoy it Those men that thou speakest of are not enrolled in our bookes And wonder not at it for all things are wanting to them yea the Divels themselves You are rather Divels one towards another than Divels are Divels to you For can there bee a more notorious Divell than a Flatterer an envious man a false friend a bad Companion an unmercifull Creditour or a sonne brother or kinsman that wishes
than Life without it At last wee descended into a spacious Cave circled in on all sides with very high Rampiers and filled with much people and here Death bad mee stay for this was the place of her Tribunall The hangings that adorned the walles were words of Woe alas griefe sighes ill tidings and lamentations as certainely beleeved as unregarded Here Womens teares were deceitfull to themselves and unprevalent with others There sorrow was excluded from comfort and cares were only vigilant being converted into Vermin to gnaw Kings and Princes whose usurped honours made them to suspect all men He ere Envy had put on a mourning habit and kept a continued fast it being not in her power to hurt And there Ingratitude was kneading a kinde of Dough mixt of Pride and Ambition of which now shee framed Men now Devils All quivered with curses and imprecations of which demanding the reason one that was by answered O Destiny would you not have curses heere where there are so many match-makers Lawyers and imprecatours Doe you not know that there is nothing more frequently spoken of in your Region than Cursed be hee that married us Cursed the houre I first beheld thee and Ill hâ—p betide him that first brought us together Cursed bee the Lawyer who counselled mee to follow this Cause that hath undone mee And in other matters Curst that I am I would I might never come into Heaven if I said this or that and The Devill take mee if ever hee spake to mee of any such thing But what is all this to the purpose said I and what have these to doe with Deaths Judgement Hall Ignorant man said the other If there were not so many contrivers of weddings would there bee so many dead and desperate men Is there any thing destroyes so quickly as the cavils and circumventions of entangling Lawyers And doth there any dâ— sooner than hee that precipitates himselfe No certainly therefore thou must conclude that these are the principall Pillars of this Dominion and of the imperiall throne thou seest there At this I lift up mine eyes and saw Death sit in a chaire environed with many little Deaths as The Death of Love the Death of Hunger the Death of Feare and the Death of Laughter each bearing a severall Ensigne and device The Death of Love had very little braines and for Attendants had Pyramus and Thisbe Hero and Leander with divers other Lovers ready to expire under her Sickle but by the rare miracles of the interessed rose againe About The Death of Hunger were many Usurers who having accumulated great wealth deprive themselves of necessary meanes letting their bodies famish and their soules die which they had long before converted into Gold and Silver The Death of Feare was richest and most stately hemm'd in with Tyrants and mighty men such as flie from all thought none pursueth and afford the world no good but this that by their sudden selfe destruction through feare suspition and distrust they revenge themselves the innocent whom they had before condemned and slaine The Death of Laughter was the last rounded with people of quicke apprehension but late repentance that live as if there were no Justice to feare and die as if there were no mercy to bee hoped And these are they that when it is said Restore what you have taken answer You make me die of Laughter Consider that you are old that sinne findes not any thing more to consume in you forsake this Woman that you unlawfully embrace Regard how the Devill mockes you who are now no more unto him but an improfitable booty You make mee die of Laughter Aske God forgivenesse and turne unto him for you have already one foot in the grave You make mee die of Laughter I was never more jocond never more lusty And these are they that being sicke when they are exhorted to rely upon God and order their estate by a religious will answer that they have beene many times in the same case but finde themselves in the other World before they can be perswaded they are going thither Heere I could not containe my selfe from this use Lord thou hast given but one life and are there so many Deaths Grant I beseech thee that if I returne againe I may change my condition and beginne to live well that I may die lamented I had scarce uttered these words but I heard the voyce crying The Dead the Dead the Dead and instantly saw the Earth beginne to open and the bodies of men and women halfe buried in their winding-sheets to arise who ranked themselves in order observing a silent taciturnity Take each his turne said Death when behold one of them came near me with such fury that I began to feare the bastinado Hellish worldlings said he What would you with mee Why let you mee not alone dead and at rest What have I done unto you I that without offending in part am defamed in all and made guilty of those things I am altogether ignorant of And what are you said I whom I neither know nor understand I am said he the unhappy Abraham Ninny that have bin here many years and yet you doe nothing but mocke and deride mee When any folly or extravagancy is committed Oh! 't is an Abraham say you presently Did you ever heare the like What a Ninny-hammer hee is growne Why a very foole would not have done it But know that in acting and speaking follies you your selves are all Abrahams worse than you suppose mee to have beene And for proofe Tell me Have I made any ridiculous wils as you men by which you command others to doe those things which you would never doe your selves Have I rebelled against the potent or hoped to renew my youth Have I strived to reforme Nature and contested with her in colouring and poudering my haire Have I sworne untruths Am I faithlesse in those things which I have promised as you are dayly Have I beene a slave to my money or played away my estate Have I consumed it in banquets or given it to Curtezans Did I suffer my selfe to bee masterd by my Wife or beleeve that I might rely on that man who at my perswasion betraied his friend that trusted in him Did I marry my selfe to bee reveng'd of an inconstant Mistresse or credit that there might bee built any sure foundation on the slippery Wheele of Fortune Have I esteemed them happy that consume their dayes in Princes Courts for the vanity of a momentary looke or taken delight in Hereticall Controversies to bee accounted witty Have I boasted unto people that are below mee or beleeved in Witches and framers of Nativities If Abraham have done no such foppery of what folly can you accuse him Poore Ninny rash and insolent that you are wherefore doe you impute your disorders unto mee that never learnt any thing but patience and was of so innocent and naturall a life that it added an impossibility to wrong any man As wee were
bee said I that mercy should condemne since that condemnation is an action of Justice You talke like a Divell And you said the Divell like a Foole since you know not that halfe of those that are here are adjudged by Gods mercy But to make you understand the Riddle Consider how many Sinners there are who when they are admonished of their evill doings leave not for all that to continue and increase them more and more in answering to their Reprovers God is mercifull hee regards not so small a thing his mercy is so great and thus whilest they hope in God persevering in their wicked wayes wee never distrust them After your reckoning said I none may rely on the Mercy of God You are dull said hee you must trust in it 't is that that helpes forward good desires and rewards good actions but it is denied to those that are obstinate in their wicked wayes for it is to play with Grace to beleeve that it serves to cover guilt and to thinke that a man may receive it just when hee hath need of it without ever endeavoring to get it Gods mercy is infinite for his Saints and repentant Sinners who struggle to become worthy and those that have the greatest share are such as are most fearfull but hee that knowes how great it is makes himselfe unworthy the effects when he turnes it into the liberty of evill doing and not into spirituall profit Can it be said I overwhelmed with marvell that so good a lesson should proceed from the mouth of so mischievous a Doctour Which spoken the Divell shewed mee a flaming partition wherein as one of the Tortured told me were those that were afflicted with suddaine deaths You lye in reverence bee it spoken to the Gentleman that heares mee said the Fiend no man dies suddainly Death uses no surprize There wants never warning How is it that you complaine of dying suddenly when since your very birth since you beganne the course of your life Death was alwayes with you What is more ordinarily seene in the World than dying and buriall What is spoken of more in the Pulpit or read of more in good Bookes than the frailty of life and certainty of Death First of all the body growes it not every day nearer and nearer to its Tombe Cloathes weare they not Houses decay they not Your owne Diseases and those of others knocke they not at all houres at the Gates of your Soules remembring them that they must dislodge Sleepe represents it not to the life the death of living man and life is it not maintain'd by the death of beasts And for all this you are so impudent as to say that you dyed suddenly No no change language say hereafter that you are unbeleevers dead without ever thinking that you should dye and learne besides that Death takes as soone the youngest stripling as the agedst decrepite and according to what they have done be it good or ill she proves either a Mother or a Stepdame He shewed me also a vast Cauldron savouring of many oily sents wherein were preserved Apothecaries Comfit-makers Chirurgions Distillers Barbers and Mountebankes with many more for feare of rottennesse saying these are the true Alchimists and not Geber Ruspicella with the rest because they onely writ of what metals Gold might bee made but made it not or if they did none ever since could penetrate into the depth of their secrets But these out of puddle water stickes Flies dung Vipers Toads simples sugar and excrements can make Gold of better substance than all those could that ever medled in the art because that theirs is ready coined for use In which respect wee are carefull to preserve them least our treasure should decrease Hereupon another Divell made signes that I should come unto him without noise which having done hee set mee against an open casement saying looke in there and see the ordinary exercise of fowle Women I did as I was commanded and beheld a very great number some whereof were putting blacke patches on their faces others pluckt up the haire on their eyebrowes and others that had none made use of blacke Lead some put on fore-tops of counterfeit haire some placed Ivory teeth in their gummes in stead of those of Ebony which were fallen out This eate Ambergreece Comfits to purifie her breath and those held boxes of painting with which they daubed their faces and by this meanes became infinitely shining without being either Starres or Sunnes Well said the Divell would you have beleeved that Women had been so inventive and ingenious to perdition I knew not what to answer but turned away and saw a man sitting on a Chaire all alone without either fire ice Divell or racke about him who neverthelesse cried out with the fearfullest cries that ever I yet heard his heart tâ—ickled drop by drop from his eyes and he tore his breâ—st and gnawed his armes in so furious a manner that I thought he had been mad O Lord said I with what despaire is this poore man transported no body to my thinking doth him any harme Friend my Friend What Fury bewitches you For what doe you complaine being here alone free from all manner of Torture Alas said hee with a terrible voice I feele in my selfe all the pangs of Hell together You see not the Hangmen that are linkt to my Soule you see them not said hee reiterating his cry and turning about as distracted but hee sees them whose severe and implacable Justice can measure offences with torments without measure O Memory thou art to mee a cruell Divell memory of the good I might have done memory of those wholesome counsels I have despised and the evils I have committed Ah! that thou dost afflict me And to heape up my misfortunes when thou leavest me my Reason beginnes her course and the imagination of that glory I might have had and that others possesse without having bought it so deare as I have done the paines I suffer O understanding What cruelty dost thoâ— use towards mee in setting before me Heaven and Paradise so full of beauty joy content and delight and yet drownest mee more and more in despaire Some release I pray thee And thou my Will Is it possible that thou refusest to make a truce for one poore moment You that are a Pilgrim of the other World who aske what torments mee Know they are the three powers of my Soule converted into invisible flames and into three Executioners who without hand or Element burne and teare my Entrals And if by chance they cease to wracke mee the Worme of Conscience gnawes my Soule as the perpetuall food of insatiable hunger Ending this word he cast forth a deepe groane and turning from me Mortail said he Consider that those of the World who were illuminated with the Gospell and endowed with celestiall Graces and have not employed them to their owne Salvation carry their Hell in themselves and are tormented with the like misery as I am
mee yet when I discover the abuse of it some despaire others curse and all despise mee Now Childe if thou wilt see the World come with me I will carry thee into the chiefe Street where all things are beheld in open view and shew thee how it is in its Interior parts for thou seest nothing here but the shell and appearance What is that principall Streets name said I whither you will carry me It is called said hee Hypocrisie 't is the Street where the World both beginnes and ends and very great for there is not any one whatsoever but hath either an house or chamber at least in it Some being constant dwellers and others termers there being divers kindes of Hypocrites See you that Fellow that stands there he was a ploughmans Sonne now a Gentleman Would you take that man for a Tailour yet hee is one though cloathed like a Knight and Hypocrisie is so generall an infirmity that it is found amongst all trades The Cobler will be a Translator the Cooper cals himselfe Bacchus Tailour because hee makes cloathing for Wine and the Horse-coursers stile is Squire of the Field the Alehouse is called an Academy the Hangman a member of Justice a Mountebancke an able man the Dicernimble a Taverne a Banke the Vintner a Banker or Master of Accounts Stewes houses of Commerce Whores Curtezans Bawdes devout Women Cuckolds patient men lust friendship Usury Oeconomy Deceit Gallantery lying dexterity and malice gentlenesse of spirit cowardise peace rashnesse valour a Page a Childe of Honour a Lacky a Gentleman on foot a Pickethanke a Courtier blacke browne and an Asse is calld a Doctour But there is nothing here that appeares in its owne forme or that hath the proper name but all the World is full of lyes in what part soever you examine it And if you note it well you shall see that wrath gluttony pride covetousnesse luxury sloath murder and a thousand others sinnes proceed onely out of simulation and that of all sinners there is none so presumptuous as the Hypocrite in as much as other bad livers sinne onely against God but hee sinnes against God and with God also since hee makes him an instrument of his sinne and for this cause our Saviour willing to shew how amongst all others they were hatefull to him after hee had given many affirmative precepts to his Disciples he gave them one negative saying Bee not sad like Hypocrites and as he taught them by many Parables and Comparisons what they should bee now lights now salt sometimes like Guests sometimes as the talent so also he instructs them what they should not bee Bee not like unto Hypocrites to certifie unto them that not being Hypocrites they should not bee wicked for the Hypocrite is wicked in all things Upon this discourse wee came into the great Street where wee tooke an eminent place to register all that passed The first remarkable thing was a funerall Convoy composed of a large retinue of Kindred and Friends that followed the grief and heavines of a Widower in close mourning whose head hung downe and gate was of that slownesse as if he had not had strength sufficient to carry him to Church without a supporter which compassionating O happy Woman said I that hast found a husband whose love and faithfulnesse went hand in hand with thee in thy life time and now followes thee to thy Grave And happy man who hast found so many Friends that accompany not onely thy sadnesse but seeme to exceed it Good Sir consider a little their anguish O that there is nothing but vanity answered hee all that thou seest is not done but by constraint though those exterior outsides seeme to gainsay it Seest thou those waxe lights torches and the rest of the hearse who would not say but that they light and accompany something and that it is for something that all this funerall pompe is made but know that that which is within the coffin is nothing for the body was nothing in its life time Death hath lessened that nothing and all the honours that are given unto it serve for nothing but this is done because the dead have their vanities and State as well as the living There is nothing within but Earth not able so much as to produce fruit and more filthy to looke on than the dirt on which thou treadest that deserves no honour and on which the share and plough have no predominance and that dolefulnesse which thou thinkest to have noted in these Friends is nothing but anger and madnesse that they are not ranked according to their degree and ambition The Widower also is not so afflicted for his Wives death as thou imaginest but 't is the expence that vexes him seeing hee might have performed the ceremony with more ease and lesse cost He mutters within himselfe that she hath wrong'd him in that seeing shee was to die shee did not die suddenly without putting him to such charge in Physicians Chirurgians and Apothecaries who by their bils dispose his goods into parts hee hath buried two with this and takes such delight in being a Widower that hee is upon a treaty already with one whom hee was a wel-willer unto during his old Wives sicknesse Thou shalt see him shortly risen from those deadly habiliments which interre him I was wonder-strooke at these speeches Ah! that the things of this World said I are farre different from what wee see them hereafter I will bee more reserved in spending my judgement and those things I shall clearest behold will most doubt of This buriall vanished so soone from our eyes as if wee had not seene it or beene likely to have made the same journey and as if the deceased had not shewed us the way speaking in a silent language I goe before to stay for you whilest you keepe the rest company as I have heretofore done with as much neglect and lesse devotion Wee were hindred from thinking on this by a noise which we heard in an house behinde us where wee were no sooner entred but the assembled beganne a lowd cry accompanying the sobs and grones of a woman newly become a Widow Their sorrowes were very lively yet availed not the dead every minute they wrung their hands and sent forth sighes that seemed to proceed from the center of their hearts The chambers of the house were disrobed of their ordinary furniture and the poore afflicted was laid on a bed in a roome hung with blacke One of heâ— Comforters said Alas all your teares are to no end and I am unable to comfort you being more grieved at your sorrow than if it were mine owne another you ought not so much to macerate your selfe because your husbands good life assures you that hee is in blisse and another that shee must bee patient and conforme her selfe to the will of Heaven which words made her double her complaints and with greater vehemency to afflict her selfe saying O God! Why doe I live after the