with thee A short Soliloqui for an unregenerate sinner Ah wretched man that I am what a condition have I brought my self into by sin Oh! I see my heart hath but deceived me all this while in flattering me that my condition was good I see I see I am but a lost and undone man for ever undone unless the Lord help me out of this condition My sins My sins Lord what an unclean polluted wretch and I more loathsome and odious to thee than the most hateful Venome or noisome carcass can be to me Oh! what a Hell of sin is in this heart of mine which I have flattered my self to be a good heart Lord how universally am I corrupted in all my parts powers performances All the imaginations of the thoughts of my heart are only evil continually I am under an inability to averseness from and enmity against any thing that is good and am prone to all that is evil My heart is a very sink of all sin and oh the innumerable hosts and swarms of sinful thoughts words and actions that have flown from thence Oh the load of guilt that is on my soul my head is 〈◊〉 and my heart full my mind and my memâ—ers they are all full of sin Oh my sins How do they stare upon me How do they witness against me Wo is me my Creditors are upon me every commandment taketh hold upon me for more than ten thousand Talents yea ten thousand times ten thousand How endless then is the sum of all my debts If this whole world were filled up from earth to Heaven with paper and all this paper written over within and without by Arithmeticians yet when all were cast up together it would come unconceivably short of what I owe to the least of Gods Commandments Wo unto me for my debts are infinite and my sins are increased They are wrongs to an infinite Majesty and if he that committeth Treason against a silken mortal is worthy to be tacked drawn and quartered what have I deserved that have so often lifted up my hand against Heaven and have struck at the Crown and dignity of the Almighty Oh my sins my sins Behold a troop cometh Multitudes multitudes there is no number of their Armies Innumerable evils have compassed me about mine iniquities have taken hold upon me they have set themselves in array against me Oh! it were better to have all the Regiments of Hell come against me than to have my sins to fall upon me to the spoiling of my Soul Lord how am I surrounded How many are they that rise up against me They have beset me behind and before they swarm within me and without me they have possessed all my powers and have â—ortified mine unhappy soul as a Garrison which this brood of Hell doth man and maintain against the God that made me And they are as mighty as they be many The sands are many but then they are not great the mountains great but then they are not many But wo is me my sins are as many as the sands sand as mighty as the Mountains Their weight is greater than their number It were better that the Rocks and the Mountains should fall upon them than the crushing and unsupportable load of my own sins Lord I am heavy loaden let mercy help or I am gone Unload me of this heavy guilt this sinking load or I am crushed without hope and must be pressed down to Hell If my grief were thorowly weighed and my sins laid in the ballances together they would be heavier than the sand of the Sea therefore my words are swallowed up they would weigh down all the rocks and the hills and turn the ballance against all the Isles of the Earth O Lord thou knowest my manifold transgressions and my mighty sins Ah my soul Alas my Glory Whither art thou humdled Once the Glory of the Creation and the Image of God now a lump of filthiness a Coffin of rottenness replenished with stench and loathsomness Oh what worâ— hath sin made with thee Thou shalt be termâ— Forsaken and all the rooms of thy faculties â—â—solate and the name that thou shalt be called 〈◊〉 is Icabod or where is the Glory How 〈◊〉 thou come down mightily My beauty is turned into deformity and my Glory into shame Lord what a loathsom Leper am I The ulcerous bodies of Iob or Lazarus were not more offensive to the eyes and nostrils of men than I must needs be to the most holy â—od whose eyes cannot behold Iniquity And what misery hath my sins brought upon me Lord what a case am I in Sold under sin cast out of Gods favour accursed from the Lord cursed in my body cursed in my soul cursed in my name in my estate my relations and all that I have My sins are unpardoned and my soul within a step of death Alas what shall I do Whither shall I go Which way shall I look God is frowning on me from above Hell gaping for me beneath Conscience imiting me within temptations and dangers surrounding me without Oh whither shall I fly What place can hide me from Omnisciency What power can secure me from Omnipotency What meanest thou O my soul to go on thus Art thou in league with Hell Hast thou made a Covenant with death Art thou in love with thy misery Is it good for thee to be here Alas what shall I do Shâ—ll I go on in my sinful ways Why then certain damnation will be mine end and shall I be so besotted and bemadded as to go and sell my soul to the flames for a little Ale and a littlâ— ease for a little pleasure or gain or content to my flesh shall I linger any longer in this wretched estate No If I tarry here I shall die What then is there no help no hope None except I turn Why but is there any remedy for such woful misery any mercy after such provoking iniquity Yes as sure as Gods Oath is true I shall have pardon and mercy yet if I presently unfeignedly and unreservedly turn by Christ to him Why then â—â—hank thee upon the bended knees of my soul O most merciful Iehovah that thy patience hath waited for me hitherto for hadst thou took me away in this estate I had perished for ever And now I adore thy Grace and accept the offers of thy mercy I renounce all my sins and resolve by thy grace to set my self against them and to follow thee in holiness and righteousness all the days of my life Who am I Lord that I should make any claim unto thee or have any part or portion in thee who am not worthy to lick up the dust of thy feet Yet since thou holdest forth the golden Scepter I am bold to come and touch To despair would be to disparage thy mercy and to stand off when thou biddest me come would be at once to undo my self and rebel against thee under pretence of humility Therefore I bow my soul unto
lusts of his chosen Psal. 45. 5. Psal. 110. 3. What King would take the rebels in open hostility into his Court What were this but to betray Life Kingdom Government and all together If Christ be a King he must have homage honour subjection c. Mal. 1. 6. now to save men while in their natural enmity were to obscure his dignity lose his authority bring contempt on his Government and sell his dear-bought rights for nought Again as Christ should not be a Prince so neither a Saviour if he should do this For his Salvation is spiritual he is called Jesus because he saves his people from their sins Mat. 1. 21. So that should he save them in their sins he should be neither Lord nor Jesus To save men from the punishment and not from the power of sin were to do his work by halves and be an imperfect Saviour His office as the Deliverer is to turn away ungodliness from Jacob Rom. 11. 26. He is sent to bless men in turning form them their iniquities Acts 3. 26. to make an end of sin Dan. 9. 24. so that he should destroy his own designs and nullify his offices to save men abiding in their unconverted estate Application Arise then what meanest thou O sleeper Awake O secure sinner left thou be consumed in thine iniquities Say as the Lepers if we sit here we shall die 2 King 7. 3 4. Verily it is not more certain thou art now out of hell than that thou shalt speedily be in it except thou repent and be converted there is but this one door for thee to escape by Arise then O sluggard and shake off thine excuses How long wilt thou slumber and fold thine hands to sleep Prov. 6. 10 11. Wilt thou lie down in the midst of the Sea or sleep on the top of the mast Prov. 23. 24. There is no remedy but thou must either turn or burn There is an unchangeable necessity of the change of thy condition except thou art resolved to bide the worst of it and try it out with the Almighty If thou lovest thy life O man arise and come away Methinks I see the Lord Jesus laying the merciful hands of an holy violence upon thee methinks he carries it like the Angels to Lot Gen. 19. 15. c. Then the Angels hastened Lot saying arise lest thou be consumed And while he lingred the men laid hold upon his hand the Lord being merciful unto him and they brought him without the City and said Escape for thy life stay not in all the plain escape to the mountain lest thou be consumed Oh how wilful will thy destruction be if thou shouldest yet harden thy self in thy sinful state But none of you can say but you have had fair warning Yet methinks I cannot tell how to leave you so It is not enough to me to have delivered my own soul. What shall I go away without my errand Will none of you arise and follow me Have I been all this while speaking in the wind Have I been charming the deaf adder or allaying the tumbling Ocean with arguments Do I speak to the trees or rocks or to men to the tombs and monuments of the dead or to a living auditory If you be men and not senseless stocks stand still and consider whither you be going If you have the reason and understanding of men dare not to run into the flames and fall into hell with your eyes open but bethink your selves and set to the work of repentance What men and yet run into the pit when the very beasts will not be forced in What endowed with reason and yet dally with death and hell and the vengeance of the Almighty Are men herein distinguished from the very bruits that they have no foresight of and a care to provide for the things to come and will you not hasten your escape from eternal torments O shew your selves men and let reason prevail with you is it a reasonable thing for you to contend against the Lord your maker Esay 45. 9. or to harden your selves against his word Iob 9. 4. as though the strength of Israel would lie 1 Sam. 15. 29. Is it reasonable that an understanding creature should lose yea live quiet against the very end of his being and be as a broken pitcher only fit for the dunghill Is it tolerable that the only thing in this world that God hath made capable of knowing his will and bringing him glory should yet live in ignorance of his maker and be unserviceable to his use yea should be engaged against him and spit his venom in the face of his creator Hear O Heavens and give ear O earth and let the creatures without sense be judge if this be reason that man when God hath nourished and brought him up should rebel agninst him Esay 1. 2. Judge in your own selves Is it a reasonable undertaking for bryars and thorns to set themselves in battel against the devouring fire Esay 27. 4. or for the potsherd of the earth to strive with his maker If you will say this is reason surely the eye of reason is quite put out And If this be not reason then there is no reason that you should continue as you be but 't is all the reason in the world you should forth with repent aâ—d turn What shall I say I could spend my self in this argument Oh that you would but hearken to me that you would presently set upon a new course will you not be made clean When shall it once be What will no body be perswaded Reader shall I prevail with thee for one Wilt thou sit down and consider the forementioned arguments and debate it whether it be not best to turn Come and let us reason together Is it good for thee to be here Wilt thou sit still till the tide come in upon thee Is it good for thee to try whether God will be so good as his word and to harden thy self in a conceit that all is well with thee while thou remainest unsanctified But I know you will not be perswaded but the greatest part will be as they have been and do as they have done I know the drunkard will to his vomit again and the deceiver will to his deceit again and the lustful wanton to his dalliance again Alas that I must leave you where you were in your ignorance or loosness or in your lifeless formality and customary devotions However I will sit down and bemoan my fruitless labours and spend some sighs over my perishing hearers O distracted sinners What will their end be What will they do in the day of visitation Whither will they flee for help Where will they leave their glory Esay 10. 3. How powerfully hath sin bewitched them How effectually hath the God of this world blinded them How strong is their delusion How uncircumcised their ears How obdurate their hearts Satan hath them at his beck but how long may I call and can
rational will against judgment lust against conscience yea worst of all between God and man making the lapsed sinner both hateful to God and a hater of him Zec. 11. 8. O man how canst thou make so light of sin This is the traytor that sucked the blood of the Son of God that sold him that mocked him that scourged him that spat in his face that digged his hands that pierced his side that pressed his soul that mangled his body that never left till it had bound him condemned him nailed him crucified him and put him to open shame Esay 53. 4 5 6. This is that deadly poyson so powerful of operation as that one drop of it shed upon the root of mankind hath corrupted spoiled and poisoned and undone his whole race at once Rom. 5. 18 19. This is the common butcher the bloody executioner that hath killed the Prophets that hath burnt the Martyrs that hath murdered all the Apostles all the Patriarchs all the Kings and Potentates that hath destroyed Cities swallowed Empires butchered and devoured whole Nations What ever was the weapon that 't was done by sin was it that did the execution Rom. 6. 23. dost thou yet think it but a small thing If Adam and all his children could be digged out of their graves and their bodies piled up to Heaven and an inquest were made what matchless murderer were guilty of all this blood it would be all found in the skirts of sin Study the nature of sin till thy heart be brought to fear and loath it And meditate on the aggravations of thy particular sins how thou hast sinned against all Gods warnings against thine own prayers against mercies against corrections against clearest light against freest love against thine own resolutions against promises vows covenants of better obedience c. charge thy heart home with these things till it blush for shame and be brought out of all good opinion of it self Ezra 9. 6. Meditate upon the desert of sin It cryeth up to Heaven It calls for vengeance Gen. 18. 24. It s due wages is death damnation It pulls the curse of God upon the soul and body Gal. 3. 10. Deut. 28. The least sinful word or thought â—aies thee under the infinite wrath of God Almighty Rom. 2. 8 9. Mat. 12. 36. Oh what a load of wrath what a weight of curses what treasure of vengeance have all the millions of thy sins then deserved Rom. 2. 5. Iohn 3. 36. Oh judge thy self that the Lord may not judge thee 1 Cor. 11. 31. Meditate upon the deformity and defilement of sin 'T is as black as hell the very image and likeness of the Devil drawn upon thy soul 1 Iohn 3. 8 10. It would more affright thee to see thy self the hateful deformity of thy nature than to see the devil There is no mire so unclean no vomit so loathsom no carcase or carrion so offensive no plague or leprosie so noisom as sin in which thou art all inrolled and covered with its odious filth whereby thou art rendred more displeasing to the pure and holy nature of the glorious God than the most filthy object composed of whatever is hateful to all thy senses can be to thee Iob 15. 15 16. Couldst thou take up a toad into thy bosom Couldst thou cherish it and take delight in it Why thou art as contrary to the pure and perfect holiness of the divine nature and as loathsome as that is to thee Mat. 23. 33. till thou art purified by the blood of Jesus and the power of renewing grace Above all other sins fix the eye of Consideration on these two 1. The sin of thy nature 'T is to little purpose to lop the branches while the root of original corruption remains untouched In vain do men lave out the streams when the fountain is running that fills up all again Let the axe of thy repentance with David's go to the root of sin Psal. 51. 5. Study how deep how close how permanent it is thy natural pollution how universal it is till thou dost cry out with Paul's feeling upon thy body of death Rom. 7. 24. Look into all thy parts and powers and see what uâ—clean vessels what styes what dunghills what sinks they are become Heu miser quid sum vas sterquilinii concha putredinis plenus faetore horrore August Solil c. 2. The heart is never soundly broken till throughly convinced of the heynousness of original sin Here fix thy thoughts This is that that makes thee backward to all good prone to all evil Rom. 7. 15. that sheds blindness pride prejudices unbelief into thy mind enmity unconstancy obstinacy into thy will inordinate heats and colds into thy affectious insensibleness benummedness unfaithfulness into thy conscience slipperiness into thy memory and in a word hath put every wheel of thy soul out of order and made it of an habitation of holiness to become a very hell of iniquity Iames 3. 6. This is that that hath defiled corrupted perverted all thy members and turned them into weapons of unrighteousness and servants of sin Rom. 6. 19. that hath filled the head with carnal and corrupt designs Mic. 2. 1. the hands with sinful practices Esay 1. 15. the eyes with wandring and wantonness 2 Pet. 2. 14. the tongue with deadly poison Iam. 3. 8. that hath opened the ears to tales flattery and filthy communication and shut them against the instruction of life Zech. 7. 11 12. and hath rendred thy heart a very mint and forge of sin and the cursed womb of all deadly conceptions Mat. 15. 16. So that it poureth forth its wickedness without ceasing 2 Pet. 2. 14. even as naturally freely unweariedly as a fountain doth pour forth its waters Ier. 6. 7. or the raging Sea doth cast forth mire and dirt Esay 57. 20. And wilt thou yet be in love with thy self and tell us any longer of thy good heart O never leave meditating on this desperate contagion of original corruption till with Ephraim thou bemoan thy self Ier. 31. 8. with deepest shame and sorrow smite on thy breast as the Publican Luke 18. 13. and with Iob abhor thy self and repent in dust and ashes Iob 42. 6 2. The particular evil that thou art most addicted to Find out all its aggravations Set home upon thy heart all Gods threatnings against it Repentance drives before it the whole herd but especially sticks the arrow in the beloved sin and singles this out above the rest to run it down Psal. 18. 23. O labour 〈◊〉 make this sin odious to thy soul and double thy guards and thy resolutions against it because this hath and doth most dishonour God and endanger thee Dir. III. Strive to affect thy heart with deep sense of thy present misery Read over the foregoing Chapter again and again and get it out of the book into thine heart Remember when thou liest down that for ought thou knowest thou maist awake in flames and when thou risest up