in some measure bethink my self and consider my latter End Lord I have reason to conclude that few Sands remain in my Glass to run With what Astonishment Anguish and Trouble may I review my Life past not one Thought Word or Action but needs a Pardon I blush to see how vile I have been and if I cannot bear the Scrutiny of my own Conscience how shall I abide thy severe Trial who hath kept an exact Account of all my Sins and Offences A numberless Number of Sins may be charged upon me which I confess I have been guilty of To whom shall I betake my self for Relief and Mercy but to thee O my gracious God for that I have heard that the God of Israel is a merciful God that he is slow to Anger and plenteous in Mercy that he doth abundantly pardon and forgive the Sins Offences and Provocations of his poor Creatures and therefore as I would not presume so I dare not despair Lord I fly from the Throne of thy Justice to the Throne of thy Mercy and humbly implore Pity Pardon and Compassion for thy Son's sake Magnify thy Grace in pardoning me though my Sins have abounded let thy free Grace superabound Blot out all my Sins out of the Book of thy Remembrance and let my Name be written in the Book of Life Let me be meet for the Inheritance of the Saints in Light when this earthly Cottage shall crumble to Dust. Let me be admitted to that Building an House not made with Hands eternal in the Heavens Let not me though unworthy be excluded from thy Presence Look on me in and through thy well-beloved Son in whom only thou art well pleased and for his sake be reconciled to me a vile Wretch By his Stripes let me be healed I have nothing to plead for my self only the Satisfaction of my Blessed Saviour on whom alone I rely for Pardon and Life Give me some undeniable Evidence that I do belong to the Election of Grace and that within a little while I shall be released from this Body of Sin and Death and shall be made perfectly blessed in a full Injoyment of thee to all Eternity Let me have some comfortable Hopes and Foretaste of a blessed Immortality to sweeten my Passage through and out of this World I am hastning and posting apace into an endless Eternity O that I were ready for my Appearance at thy Bar. Ah Lord if my Judg be not my Advocate with what Dread and Astonishment must I needs think of thy Tribunal where I must appear before a Heart-searching and a Sin-revenging God! There is not one Sin in my whole Life but is seen to thine all-seeing Eye and is all naked and open to thee Lord I would humbly beg that my Sins though many and great may all be pardoned and forgiven Many horrid Sinners have been received to Mercy and though my Sins are of a Crimson and Scarlet Dye yet the Blood of an All-sufficient Saviour can wash them white He is able and willing to save all those that come to God through him and he ever lives to make Intercession for them Help me by Faith to lay hold on this Redeemer who came into the World on this very Errand to save poor Sinners and reconcile them to God If so I dare not I will not despair yet Lord I beg I may not presume Help me humbly to cast my self prostrate at thy Feet and implore thy Heavenly Benediction Bless me even me in turning me away from all my Sins let them never separate between thee and my poor Soul Let them all be remitted and then it will be as if they had never been committed In my last and sorest Agonies let me see thou art reconciled to me Be with me till I die and when I die and when this World can yield me no Help Comfort or Support let me find it all in thee I know thy Presence can sweeten all the Troubles of this Life and Death it self Then let me not be dismayed at that last and great Enemy When I pass thorow the Valley and Shadow of Death I will fear no Evil for thou wilt be with me O Lord I beg thou wouldst not then be a Terror to me Thou art my Hope in the Day of Evil Help me then to hold up my Head with Comfort hoping my Redemption draweth nigh Let not this World have such possession of my Heart and Affections as to make me unwilling to dislodg and go hence when thou callest me off the Stage of this Life Let the last Scene of my Life be the best part of my Days Let me honour thee by doing thy Will and submitting to whatever thou my God shalt think fit to lay on me Help me to bear patiently thy afflicting Hand either Sickness or worldly Crosses or Death it self Let me not dare to murmur grumble or complain when Death looks me in the Face Let me not be too much daunted startled and affrighted at its Approach Thousands and ten thousands have gone through that dark Passage and shot that Gulph and there is no escape for any of the Children of Adam they that have deserved Death Eternal have no cause to grumble at Death Temporal especially if it be unstung nay then there 's Cause of Triumph for it is an Entrance into Life and Messenger to Glory therefore I hope and firmly believe and trust that that God who hath conducted so many safe through those dark Regions will not leave my poor Soul in its last Conflicts PAPER X. I Sensibly find my outward Man perish and decay but how comfortable would it be to me if I could as easily perceive the inward Man to be renewed day by day This Earthly Tabernacle is tottering and e're long will tumble down but in what plight is the poor Soul that now inhabiteth this ruinated Cottage What Provision hath it made against that Day when it must be turned out hath it got an Interest in and a Title to an enduring Substance a House above eternal in the Heavens This Life of mine is but a Vapour it appeareth but for a little while and then vanisheth away Lord teach me to number my Days that I may know how frail I am This outward Man is daily consuming wasting perishing and decaying and shall I be careless negligent remiss and unconcerned about my future State how it will go with me hereafter in the other World Though my bodily Strength abate yet let the inward Man be renewed every Day and wax stronger and stronger When the Comforts of this Life are as Iob saith of the White of an Egg unsavory have no Relish and are no Satisfaction to me let me have Comforts and Cordials that this World knoweth not of even the Light of thy Countenance and that will put Gladness into my Heart more than all the Treasures and Pleasures of this vain World Whatever thou deniest me deny me not thy self to be my God and Portion and let me have an
or less though with some Abatement to her dying Day by which her Life was many times a very Burden to her Her Doubts as to her Eternal State were sometimes very grievous but yet through the Goodness of God she still kept up this Resolution to venture her Soul in the Hands of her Redeemer Having one time ask'd very earnestly Will not Christ receive me if I come to him receiving some encouragement in this Matter she replied with Chearfulness Then will I come to him She took great Delight in reading her Father's Sermons especially those of the Life of Faith under our Affliction and very comfortable was the insuing Passage of one of them to her under her Doubts and Fears viz. The Question being propounded by poor doubting Souls thus How shall we know whether God be our God Answ. Why do you love him as your chiefest Good Do you seek his Glory as your utmost End Do you obey him as your highest Lord and Law-giver and do you depend on him as your Paymaster and Benefactor But if all this will not help you to judg your Hearts there are but two things will give you Comfort and those are your Choice and your Resignation Do you chuse God for your Portion Though you cannot say God has chosen you and that he is yours yet you will chuse him Do you by an Holy importunate Faith thus fasten your selves upon God and say Lord if thou wilt not honour me love me bless me as thine for I am resolved to be thine and if I perish one must perish that desires to be thine And this she would often repeat The Night before she died her Husband earnestly and humbly besought the Lord that he would graciously be pleased to give her some comfortable Manifestations of his Love to her poor Soul O let it never be forgotten the gracious Condescension of God to his unworthy Creature The next Morning her faithful and loving Servant who attended her in all her Ilness brought him Word that now the Case was altered with her Mistress she was now reconciled to the Thoughts of Death and was refreshed with the Sense of God's Love and desired to have no more Cordials given her she had better Comforts to refresh her Soul This was on the Lord's Day in the Morning She spake not much after but lay in a quiet composed Frame of Spirit softly groaning under the Pains of Death that made his nearer Approach to her every Hour but even then when she heard her Husband speak to her she would answer with a very pleasing and chearful Voice A dear Friend lay on the Bed by her a very little space of time before she expired and heard her utter distinctly though softly full of Comfort Soon after she ended her Life with the Sabbath and went to Rest on the 16th of March 1689. THE Person that succeeded her in this Relation was also the Daughter of that Reverend and worthy Divine Mr. Thomas Burroughs Minister at Cotsbrook in Northampton-shire till the Year 1662 when he with some hundreds more were turn'd out for Non-conformity After a convenient and decent Space of time of her continuing a Widow she chang'd her Condition into a married State though much against her own Inclination and Temper but purely out of her Respect and Kindness to Mr. Terry whom she knew intirely lov'd her But when once the Nuptial Knot was tied her Carriage as a Wife was with all imaginable Respect accompanied with most indearing Tenderness often expressing how much her Love was increased to her Husband much more than she thought it could have been though before as a Friend she equally preferr'd him to all others of that Rank Her Domestick Affairs she managed with great Prudence and in that Station she gain'd Love and Respect from all She had a most tender and compassionate Regard for the Souls of her dear Children She took great Care to instruct them in the Principles of Religion and incouraging them to read and learn the Holy Scriptures This her Care also did extend to her Servants whom she would on all occasions be ready either by her Advice or by reading some good Book to them her self when their Business would permit and endeavour to beget in them a true Sense of their Sin and Misery and the Worth of their precious Souls God who is the God of Nature as well as of Grace was pleased to endow her with a great Proportion both of Natural and Spiritual Excellencies She was a very beautiful and lovely Person in her younger Years few exceeding her and of most excellent Parts and of great Understanding yet of a very humble Spirit and very mean in her own Eyes though deservedly valued by those that knew her Such was the Sweetness of her Temper accompanied with true Godliness that she was an Ornament to her Profession To speak of her as a Christian would exceed the Limits of these Papers God had greatly adorn'd and beautified her Soul with the Graces of his Holy Spirit and agreable thereunto she lived in some Holy Proportion answerable to the Vows of her Consecration and to the Godly Education she received from her pious Relations She intirely devoted her self to God to be wholly his and at his Disposal She had a singular Value for the Holy Scriptures which she constantly made conscience of reading and would sometimes write them out with profitable Remarks on them for her own spiritual Use. Other good Books also had their due Esteem and Use but she would often say none of that kind yielded her more Comfort and Satisfaction than Dr. Manton's It was very usual in her own Bible and Books to give some little Mark at those Passages that were of particular Concern to her self under the Variety of the Dispensation that she passed through She had a most high Esteem for the Publick Worship and Service of God which she never or rarely omitted to frequent unless hindred by some unavoidable Occasion The Sabbath was a Day of Delight to her she made conscience as of seeing Religious Duties performed in the Family so also of redeeming Time for her private Converse with God and this was resolved and subscribed to under her own Hand many Years ago that she would spend some Time in Prayer and Meditation and herein followed the Method she received from the Directions of Worthy Mr. Daniel Burgess to help her in that Work viz. to go over the Creed the Lord's Prayer and Commandments all which she did perform with many other Portions of Scripture as appears from the many Papers left under her own Hand She was much pleased with what she heard a worthy Divine relate in pressing his Hearers to Private Prayer of a Holy Man that would never omit this Duty but when like to be hindred by any Company would make this honest Excuse I must take my leave of you for a while there 's a Friend above stays to speak with me meaning God that has commanded this
while Stop Floods in their full Career and they rage and swell When the Death of a near Friend hath opened the Sluces let the Waters play a little in the Channel till it be calmer Passions spend and tire themselves in their Exercise Grief is sometimes eased by the Expression of it There is Reason too for it if that of Cardan be true that an heavy Heart is eased by nothing so much as by Sighs and Tears because Tears empty the Head of some Vapours with which it is surcharged and Sighs lighten the Heart of some fuliginous Damps that oppress it These are Nature's Offers for Ease You see the Reasons 2. What Grief and Sorrow this is that God alloweth and approveth What is sinful Grief I shall shew you in the next Point here what is lawful and required I answer Not every Sorrow For there is 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 as well as 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 a godly Sorrow and a worldly Sorrow 2 Cor. 7. 10. Godly Sorrow worketh Repentance to Salvation not to be repented of but the Sorrow of the World worketh Death In the general it must be a godly Sorrow In these Respects 1. You must see somewhat of God in the Affliction It is a Motive this on both Hands both to Sensibleness and Patience that it is from God Heb. 12. 5. My Son despise not thou the Chastening of the Lord because it is from God A Man slights every ordinary Chance but when it is from God then it worketh more effectual upon the Spirit As we see in the case of the Philistines 1 Sam. 6. 9. If that Stroke that happened upon them were a Chance they would trouble themselves no further about it but if it were from the God of Israel they would advise about sending home the Ark. 2. It must be serviceable Sorrow to set you the nearer to God Sorrow is of the Nature of those things that are required not for themselves but 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 for some farther thing You must not rest in your Sorrow but make use of it that it may work kindly employ it about the Work of the Sanctuary Do not cherish your Affections for their own sakes but so as they may be helpful to the Soul Do not go about to still the Affection to think that 's all that is required let it do the Soul Service and be glad you have your Hearts under such an Advantage You know how Ioshua served the Gibeonites he did not slay them but condemned them to be Hewers of Wood and Drawers of Water for the Sanctuary Grief and Sorrow well managed will make a good Drawer of Water for the Sanctuary Make your Sorrow your Servant now to draw Water for you to make you smart and bleed for a good Use and Purpose There is a gracious Promise to them that sow in Tears Psal. 126. 5. They that sow in Tears shall reap in Ioy. Now we are in Tears but we do not sow Tears Tears are not Seed we have not the Crop But what shall we do to make them Seed spiritualize them make them spiritual Tears let the Water run in a holy Channel and then like the Waters of the Sanctuary they will be healing Waters The Death of a Friend though never so dear to us will never cause any but carnal Tears they minister a good occasion of Mourning but they do not minister a Cause and Ground of Mourning It is good to distinguish between the Cause and the Occasion At such a time God calleth for more than ordinary Sensibleness and Sorrow but not because he hath declared his Pleasure concerning our Friends that is Murmuring not Mourning We should take this occasion indeed but our Sorrow should work upon a spiritual Ground and Object 1st We should take this Occasion to mourn for our own Sins Miseries are but the Effects of Sin You should labour to make Sin bitter by your present Feeling There should be I say a special renewing of our Repentance by such Providences Experience teacheth best Now you see what Sorrow Sin bringeth If Men would but improve their Occasions of Sorrow thus their Hearts would be more keen against Sin It is a great Argument to make Men continue in a Course when it never proveth Evil to them Therefore God challengeth them Ier. 2. 5. What Iniquity have you found in me that you depart from me Just as a Martyr said I have served Jesus Christ thus many Years and should I deny him now But if Men would thus observe these Experiences Sin cannot make this Challenge We can say of Sin Thou hast killed my Husband or Wife at such a time my Daughter my Brother at such a time c. Consider and say Have not I provoked God to remove the Comfort of a Parent or near Relation from me It is said of Gideon Iudg. 8. 16. that with Briars and Thorns he taught the Men of Succoth So God many times teaches us 2dly We should take this Occasion to weep for the publick Abominations When Polus the Tragedian was to act a mournful Part he brought in the Urn or the Pot of Ashes of his own dead Son that drew real Tears from him We are all to act a mournful Part now even to mourn for our Abominations before the Lord. It may be your Grief is flat and low awaken it by these private Instances But take heed let it not stay there this is but to give the Occasion some other thing must be the Cause and the Object of it O pour out a little Water upon the publick Sins they are Sparks that we have kindled as the Prophet speaks Isa. 50. 11. Behold all ye that kindle a Fire and compass your selves about with Sparks It is meant of Sins not as it is wrongly expounded of walking in our own Duties Well pour out this Water upon these Sparks When a Town is on Fire every one will bring his Bucket Why when the whole Kingdom is compassed about with these Sparks God giveth you these private Occasions that you may bring your Bucket to quench the common Flame So Luke 23. 28. Weep not for me but weep for your selves and for your Children Alas who could choose but shed Tears to part with such a blessed Companion as our Saviour Yet not for me saith he but for the Survivors Weep for your Sins and Calamities that are coming upon you Let such an Occasion open the Flood-gates but then cut out a Passage for them that they may run this way 3dly For the publick Miseries Private Sorrows should be swallowed up in the publick Look as private Mercies are no Mercies unless it be well with Sion and therefore it is annexed as a special Blessing Psal. 128. 6. that they should see their Childrens Children and Peace upon Israel Descensive Love is strong always but in these times more strong because every one expected the Messiah to come of his Race but that is nothing without Peace upon Israel it is not a consummate Mercy
Cains look with fallen Countenances Gen. 4. 6. Let the Pharisees please themselves in their sowr Looks Mat. 6. 16. A Christian's Countenance should shew him to be above his Misery sprightly and chearful though you take away their Coat as Ioseph's Mistress did you cannot take away their Comfort they are glad they can escape with their Conscience though they should leave their Coat behind them I remember Scaliger playeth the Critick with Homer because Champion Achilles is brought in weeping his beloved Briseis was taken from him So it is a Disgrace to our high Profession when a Christan is brought in 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 weeping it is beneath you It is said in Acts 5. 41. They departed from the Presence of the Council rejoicing that they were counted worthy to suffer for Christ. Philpot's Stocks in the Bishop of London's Coal-house was but a pair of Organs as he saith Nor is it true only in these honourable Sufferings for the Glory of our Religion but in the Strokes of Providence in this very Business of deceased Friends The Apostle makes it the Property of Pagans to mourn excessively 1 Thess. 4. 13. Sorrow not as those that have no Hope i. e. as Pagans they did abound in it as see Gen. 50. 3. compared with v. 10. Ioseph mourned for Iacob but seven Days the Egyptians seventy even ten times as much Nay Pagans err so much this way that if they could not find Grief they would force Grief and therefore at their Funerals if they had no Sympathy they would slash their Faces and cut their Flesh that they might be sorrowful And therefore God saith Deut. 14. 1. Ye shall not cut your selves and make Baldness in your Eyes for the Dead ye are the Children of the Lord your God that is you have higher Principles you know such Sorrow needless And hence was it that the Primitive Christians were wont to sing triumphant Psalms at Funerals as it appeareth out of many Places of Chrysostom to shew they had higher Hopes of their departed Friends 3. It is very prejudicial You have no Benefit but a great deal of Hurt by it 2 Cor. 7. 10. there it is summed up in one word Worldly Sorrow worketh Death that is chiefly Sorrow for worldly things that works Death temporal and eternal in its Desert temporal Death as it exhausteth the Spirits wasteth the Marrow Worldly Sorrow leaveth a very strong Impression upon the Body as Solomon saith Prov. 17. 22. A broken Spirit drieth the Bones it dulleth and deadens the Heart If a Man would not save his Tears yet he should reserve them keep them up for holy Uses God may give you many spiritual Occasions to empty your Bottle do not be over-free of them Affections over-exercised are usually restrained against the next Occasion And as they procure Death in respect of the Vigour of the Body and Soul so an eternal Death too it deserveth it And so the Apostle is to be understood for he opposeth it to Godly Sorrow which hereafter you shall see you have no cause to repent of as you have of Worldly Grief is a most serious Passion and though a Man may forget himself in his Joy he should not forget to think of the Danger Worldly Sorrow worketh Death 4. It is very unreasonable If Men would cite their Affections before the Tribunal of Reason and ask them what 's the matter why they are so violently stirr'd they might discern much of their Folly Psal. 42. 5. David calleth himself to an account Why art thou so disquieted O my Soul why art thou cast down within me Ask why it is and you will see either no reason or a corrupt one Iniqua lex est quae se examinari non patitur saith Tertullian And so it is an evil Heart that will not be called to an account Suspect those Passions that are loth to be examined Do but ask your selves why do I grieve now you shall see the Answer will be foolish unreasonable unthankful or savouring of Discontent Why it may be you will say Many dear Comforts are taken from me O Brethren that is an ill Expression no outward Comfort can be taken from a Christian We should live in such a continual waiting for God's Pleasure and in such a quiet Submission thereunto as not to look upon our Comforts as taken from us Iob indeed useth the word Iob 1. 23. The Lord hath given the Lord hath taken but he useth it so as if he would be understood as if the Lord had accepted of the Resignation for he blesses God for it Even our highest Comfort our Lives the Lives of the Saints are not taken from them God doth but as it were accept of the Resignation As Stephen Acts 7. 59. Lord Iesus receive my Spirit So Rev. 22. 20. Even so come Lord Iesus come quickly It is said of the Wicked indeed that their Lives are snatched or taken away as Iob 27. 8. What Hope hath the Hypocrite when God taketh away his Soul or snatcheth it away So Luke 12. 20. Thou Fool this Night shall thy Soul be required of thee 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 they shall challenge and get away thy Soul from thee Therefore we should resign up our holy Friends to God as well as they do themselves But let us see how unreasonable this very Particular is of Mourning for the Dead Is it to do them good They are not the better for our Tears they are past Recovery by our Weeping Is it not to envy their Blessedness to wish them alive again 2 Sam. 12. 23. Wherefore should I fast can I bring him back again I shall go to him he shall not come to me Is it because they were so good that we mourn The better for God they are gone to their own home Is it because so bad 2 Sam. 13. 39. David was comforted concerning Anmon because dead though he died in Sin Or is it because they died so soon which heightens your Loss Consider who decreed it are you wiser than God Is it for your own Good you weep that is an holy Weeping Weep as if you wept not Thus if Men would expostulate with themselves they would see the Unreasonableness of their Sorrow it is to no purpose We express things to no purpose by Water spilt on the Ground certainly Tears in such Cases are but spilt Water Use 1. To instruct you to take home this Lesson so to sorrow under the Sense of your Afflictions as if you did not sorrow be it the Loss what it will though I shall chiefly speak to the present Occasion Do not let the Grief oppress your Heart Ay but how shall we do so I shall give you some Motives As 1st Be sure to get an Interest in spiritual Mercies The Doctrine saith Christians ought so to sorrow as if they sorrowed not We cannot speak to others in this Language unless we should perswade Men to slight the Hand of God We throw Bones to Dogs but Bread to Children
to sweeten all and carry me patiently through the remaining part of my Days and Trials Be with me when I pass through the Fire and through the Water for my Eyes are unto thee O Lord my God in thee is my Trust leave not my Soul destitute PAPER III. YE will not come unto me that ye may have Life O the Stupidity of poor careless and secure Sinners What will you not come to Christ who alone can give you Life Natural Life and Spiritual Life and Life Eternal We spare no Pains nor Cost to save the Life of the Body but O what Fools what sensless and sottish Creatures are we not to provide for Eternal Life What is this momentary Life given us for but to provide for our Departure hence to labour to get an Interest in God and Christ Our Time was given us that we might have an Opportunity of working out our Salvation with Fear and Trembling and that we may make our Calling and Election sure that we may get some comfortable Hopes that we do belong to the Election of Grace O get your Title to Heaven cleared that you are born again that your Sins are pardoned that your Person is justified and that you are truly sanctified and cleansed from all wilful Filthiness of the Flesh and Spirit Don't indulge your self in any known Sin not in omitting any known Duty nor in the Commission of any known Sin The least Sin without Repentance is damnable but the greatest Sin upon true Repentance is pardonable for the Blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanseth us from all Sins even those that are of a Crimson Die If our Sins be as Scarlet God can make them as white as Snow if we do but truly repent of them and forsake them Let not that Complaint of the Prophet Hos. 5. 4. be verified in you that you will not frame your Doings to turn unto the Lord. What will you not do what in you lies to frame your Doing to please the Lord What will you not avoid some petty Sins that do highly offend your good God and may cause him to hide his Face from you Thus saith the Lord Seek ye me and ye shall live But may not our Conscience condemn us and tell us that that precious Time that our good God hath given us to seek him and to be reconciled to him and to make our Peace with him even that Time hath been spent in Sin and very Vanity in adding Iniquity to Iniquity We are commanded to keep our selves in the Love of God looking for the Mercy of our Lord Iesus Christ unto Eternal Life It is to no purpose to expect Mercy from Christ or to hope for Eternal Life if we do not what we can to keep our selves in the Love of God O then let it be your Study Day and Night to approve your selves to the Lord chearfully obey his Commands patiently submit to Afflictions thankfully receive Mercies and make a holy Improvement of them look to your selves that you lose not those things which ye have wrought but that ye receive a full Reward Allow not your selves in any Sin though never so small in your own Eyes lest God should say as unto the Church of Ephesus Though thou hast made a Profession of my Name and hast made conscience of some gross Sins nevertheless I have somewhat against thee because thou hast left thy first Love Remember therefore from whence thou art fallen and repent or else I will come unto thee quickly and will remove thy Candlestick out of his Place except thou repent If our Love to God and his Ordinances be not as fervent as formerly if our Hatred of Sin or sinful Courses be lessened if our Care to please God and our Fear to offend him be less than heretofore we have just Reason to fear that God will deprive us of our forfeited Gospel or harden our Hearts that we shall not profit by it which dreadful Judgment O Lord in Mercy prevent If our outward Carriage before Men should seem never so well nay if we can approve our selves to our own Consciences in many respects yet the All-searching God may truly say not only that he hath a few things against us but many things against us therefore it is our Wisdom to search and try our selves and turn again to the Lord from whom we have too deeply revolted PAPER IV. GOD hath been pleased to deprive me of my dear Husband so that my Care ought to be doubled in the Education of my poor Children when I must discharge his part and my own Duty too I know not how soon God may call me out of this World I have frequent Warnings of my Mortality by the Death of others and my own often Indisposition My Children are now young and therefore what I say may not make due Impressions on them by reason of their tender Age and when I come to die I know not whether I shall have Time Opportunity or my Senses then to speak to them of the things that belong to their everlasting Peace for ought I know I then may be seized as often I have been with Convulsion-fits which may soon carry my Soul out of this into an endless Life so that I may not have any leisure to counsel instruct or charge them to take care of their dear precious and immortal Souls therefore I shall leave my Charge and Commands in Writing that they may often take a View of them as being the Commands of their dying Mother Dear Children I charge you as you hope to meet me with Comfort at the Day of Judgment that you avoid all Sins as Lying Swearing taking God's Holy Name in vain which I particularly mention as incident to your Age I charge you make Conscience of keeping the Sabbath-Day holy Do not think your own Thoughts nor speak your own Words nor do your own Actions remember it is God's Day and must be spent in his Service Before you go to Church bless God for the Mercies of the Night past for giving you leave to see the Light of another Day especially another Sabbath-Day wherein you may have an Opportunity of waiting upon God and getting good to your poor Souls When you are in the solemn Assemblies of God's People let your Carriage be grave serious and awful as remembring God sees you and let your Minds be attentive to what the Minister saith Hear so that your Souls may live Be not forgetful Hearers but be ye Doers of the Word and so shall ye be blessed in all that you do Do not spend any time in idle Recreation or walking in the Fields upon the Lord's Day for the Profanation of that Day is an Inlet to many other Sins My dear Children spend some time every Day in reading God's Word and in Prayer you know not what a Blessing it is to have the Bible therefore do not slight it but make a good Use of it Do not squander away your Time in reading Plays and
with me as to worldly Matters I was not a little comforted and refreshed also by the last Verse of that Psalm which saith Surely Goodness and Mercy shall follow me all the Days of my Life and I will dwell in the House of the Lord for ever I am sure Goodness and Mercy have followed me to this very Day therefore I will not distrust the merciful Kindness of God to me to my Life's End But if I should be stripp'd of earthly Blessings I beg I may have the Liberty of God's House here and the Happiness of dwelling with him for ever hereafter If I should with Lazarus be clothed with Rags and fed with Crumbs all my Days if my Body should be full of Sores yet if God will own me and approve me and at Death receive me to himself I may with tolerable Patience bear the Inconveniencies of my Pilgrimage-state knowing that they will not last long And that I may with the more Confidence cast my poor fatherless Children upon God I will call to mind those Places that did quiet me under the Loss of my dear and loving and tender Father which were these that God was pleased to promise to be a Father to the Fatherless and that when Father and Mother forsake then the Lord would take them up God hath bidden poor Creatures to cast their Burden upon him assuring them that he takes Care of them and sustains them And the forementioned Place Isa. 41. 10. is a sufficient Cordial to keep any Soul from fainting and sinking under any Distress whatsoever therefore I hope and trust and believe that the good God who hath been so bountiful so merciful and so kind to me to extend so many Favours to me will also take pity of my fatherless Babes With him the Fatherless find Mercy Lord I therefore commit them into thy Hands as unto a faithful Creator and Redeemer and beg that thou wouldst here guide them with thy Counsel and afterwards receive them to Glory Sometimes when my Children have been taken very ill so that there was no room for hope of Life to outward Appearance yet even then hath my good God supported me by some comfortable Portion of his Holy Word Once one of my Children being given over I was in great Perplexity of Mind that Place came to my Thoughts Call on me in the day of Trouble and I will deliver thee and thou shalt glorify me I was extremely revived at the Consideration of that Place for that was then a Time of Trouble to me And then being incouraged that if I called upon God he would deliver me I did then with firm Hopes and Confidence rely upon my merciful God and Father whom I have found ready to help and deliver me out of many Distresses Blessed and for ever blessed be his Name who was pleased to hear the Cries and Groans of his poor unworthy undeserving ill-deserving and Hell-deserving Creature And seeing God was pleased to deliver me from my great Fears my next Inquiry should be how I may glorify this good God Lord help me to make it the Care and Business and Study of my Life how I may please thee and honour thee and serve thy Blessed Majesty the remaining part of my Days Amen Amen PAPER VII WHat a Cordial to the Godly is the first of Peter the first Chapter the second Verse and so on Where we find that God intends Heaven for them and is graciously pleased to reserve and preserve them for it it being a reviving Consideration to me sometimes to see how God deals with his poor Children and what Steps he takes to bring them to Glory I will for the Benefit of my too often desponding Soul ruminate on this Place of Scripture where I find these Words of Peter an Apostle of Iesus Christ who writes to the Strangers scattered throughout Pontus Galatia Cappadocia Asia and Bithynia Elect according to the Fore-knowledg of God the Father through Sanctification of the Spirit unto Obedience and sprinkling of the Blood of Iesus Christ Grace unto you and Peace be multiplied In this Verse I observe how the whole Trinity are imployed in the Salvation of Sinners God the Father he elects he fore-knoweth whom he will bring to himself then the Spirit sanctifieth those whom God hath elected and makes them obedient to their Heavenly Father and they are sprinkled with the Blood of Jesus Christ their Sins for his sake are all done away therefore the Apostle may well say Grace unto you and Peace be multiplied for who can want Grace or Peace whom God the Father Son and Spirit are contriving how to bring them to Glory We may well go on with the Apostle blessing God for his unspeakable Mercies saying Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Iesus Christ which according to his abundant Mercy hath begotten us again unto a lively Hope by the Resurrection of Iesus Christ from the Dead to an Inheritance incorruptible and undefiled and that fadeth not away reserved in Heaven for you who are kept by the Power of God through Faith unto Salvation O Blessed Blessed Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. Here in this Life we want Time and Hearts to bless the Lord for his abundant Mercy towards us Eternity will be little enough to sing forth the Praises of the King of Kings for giving us a lively Hope that one Day we shall be so happy to be admitted into the Heavenly Society that are continually viewing the Face of the Lamb and contemplating his Glory This inestimable Privilege is only procured and purchased by the Sufferings Death and Resurrection of our alone Saviour the Lord Jesus Christ who hath provided an Inheritance incorruptible and undefiled and that fadeth not away O the Emphasis of these Words an Inheritance What a poor Mortal to be an Heir of Heaven And this Inheritance is incorruptible not subject to Corruption Alteration or Change and it is undefiled The Things of this World are defiled with Sin they are vile contemptible and vain nay Vanity it self but this Heavenly Inheritance we see is incorruptible and undefiled And to compleat our Fruition it fadeth not away but continueth throughout all Successions of Ages There is no Probability nor Possibility of Decay or End for the Immutable and Eternal God hath assured us that they fade not away but are reserved in Heaven a secure Place beyond the reach of Men or Devils It is not in the power of Friend or Foe to dispossess the Children of God of this Heavenly Inheritance When I consider the Happiness the inconceivable Felicity of the Saints above that are now Possessors of this Inheritance that is incorruptible undefiled and that will never fade away I am apt to say with Austin's Mother when she had heard a Discourse of the Glory above What do I here then So am I reflecting What do I here in this defiling World sinning against and offending God when many are got safe beyond
hunger no more neither thirst any more neither shall the Sun light on them nor the Heat for the Lamb which is in the midst of the Throne shall feed them and shall lead them unto living Fountains of Water and God shall wipe away all Tears from their Eyes O what blessed Imployment are the Saints ingaged in in serving God Day and Night in his Temple where the everlasting JEHOVAH that sitteth on the Throne shall eternally dwell among them The Bliss of these Heavenly Inhabitants is inconceivable Well may the Apostle say Eye hath not seen nor Ear heard what God hath laid up for them that love him It is exceedingly above what we can think or imagine or conceive Who can tell what it is continually to injoy the comfortable Presence of the great God and the Lamb When God's People have had but some Glimpse of his Favour and Friendship and some Hopes of dwelling with him they have impatiently longed for a Dissolution They count this World as a Prison in which they are separated from their God their Christ and the Holy Angels which will be their everlasting Companions Those that God will admit into his everlasting Glory he hath told us they shall be exempted for all hurtful Evils never shall they hunger more nor thirst any more Lord too too many Thoughts do I spend about these outward Supplies of Meat and Drink and Raiment O when when wilt thou bring me to Heaven where these things will be of no Use nor Value to me Happy and only happy are they whom the Lamb which is in the midst of the Throne will feed and lead to the Fountain of Living Water from whose Eyes all Tears shall be wip'd they shall know no more what Death meaneth In Heaven there is no Sorrow nor Crying nor shall there be any more Pain for all old things shall be done away the former things are passed away past and gone nothing remains but Joy and Gladness and praising of our Great Creator sounding out continual Halleluja's to the King of Kings Lord is it my Duty to be fitting and preparing my self for this blessed State and for my Approach before thy awful Tribunal and dare I still neglect it Help me to remember that I must work while it is Day the Night of Sickness Sorrow and Death are approaching and then I cannot work Lord Jesus make me meet make me fit for thy blessed self that when I come to leave this base World I may be admitted to the Heavenly Society of Saints and Angels Cherubims and Seraphims where are ten thousand times ten thousand saying with a loud Voice Worthy is the Lamb that was slain to receive Power and Riches and Wisdom and Strength and Honour and Glory and Blessing Every Creature in Heaven and Earth shall then say Blessing Honour and Glory and Power be unto him that sitteth upon the Throne and unto the Lamb for ever and ever Amen and Amen PAPER XII I Am frequently assaulted with this sore Temptation that I shall never persevere and hold out to the end but shall tire and saint and grow weary so that every Trial shall master and overcome me so that I sometimes fear there is no Hopes for me of entring into Rest I fear I shall fail short of eternal Life which is a cutting Consideration to me and sometimes sinks me into the Depth of Misery But that I may not wholly despond I will here recite some Places of Scripture which consist of Precepts and Promises and which I hope may be of use to me and may make me stir up my self to do what in me lieth to lay hold on the Hope set before me and may cause me to look to thee O blessed Father for Grace and Strength to hold out to the End of my Days Let me not grow weary in Well-doing for in due time I shall reap if I faint not In Rev. 2. 10. it is said Fear none of those things which thou shalt suffer Behold the Devil shall cast some of you into Prison that ye may be tried and ye shall have Tribulation ten Days Be thou faithful unto Death and I will give thee a Crown of Life Doth God say Fear none of those things which ye shall suffer and yet shall I be overwhelmed and dejected and distracted for fear of Troubles and Calamities Here is mentioned the worst of Enemies the Devil he shall afflict some and cast them into Prison but at this we ought not to be terrified for sometimes God doth it to try his poor People and he doth permit them to be in Tribulation but God limits the time it is expressed here ten Days that is a certain for an uncertain time it implies but a short time were it at our Adversary's the Devil's Disposal we might be as many Years as here are mentioned Days yea all our Life-time in continual Sorrow but we are in the Hands of a merciful God and though he see meet sometimes to scourge and try us yet he will not let us be tempted beyond what he will enable us to bear and for our Incouragement he hath said If we be faithful to Death he will graciously reward us He that saith Be thou faithful make me faithful and then I need not doubt but he will give me this Crown of Life It is not nor cannot be merited by us it is the free Gift of God Here are several Promises he hath graciously made to those that hold out to the end as in ver 7. To him that overcometh will I give to eat of the Tree of Life which is in the midst of the Paradise of God Who would not strive to overcome that at last he may be admitted into the Paradise of God where he shall eat of the Tree of Life and then shall hunger and thirst no more but shall be happy in the Injoyment of God and the Lamb to all Eternity Ver. 11. He that overcometh shall not be hurt of the Second Death What a comfortable Promise is this The First Death is nothing in comparison of the Second What 's Death Temporal if compared to Death Eternal When we die we are deprived of earthly Friends and earthly Comforts but if the Second Death hath Dominion over us then there is an eternal Banishment from the comfortable Presence of God and an eternal Separation between God and the poor Soul which is Hell it self O Lord give me Grace that I may so fight strive run and conquer and at last overcome that I may not be hurt of the Second Death Ver. 17. To him that overcometh will I give to eat of the hidden Manna and will give him a white Stone and in the Stone a new Name written which no Man knoweth saving he that receiveth it This is an unspeakable Privilege indeed to have the Bread of Life This hidden Manna it is hidden from the World and given only to those who through Faith and Patience lay hold on eternal Life How happy are those that