Co 4.4 I know nothing of my self (e) Psal 39.12 When with this rebuke thou didst correct me for my iniquities thou madest my beautie to consume away like a moth but in such measure did thy grace correct me that I may use the great Apostle's words (f) 1 Co 1.27 When I was weak then was I strong for all the while (g) Psal 73.26 my flesh fail'd my heart never fail'd and whiles my disease chang'd and my sores much destroy'd my skin (h) Isa 1.5 neither was my head sick nor my heart faint (i) Job 7.5.4 When my flesh was â—â—ath'd with scabs and botches my skin broken and become loathsome through thy grace oh my God I was not full of tosssings to and fro I had yet then it self (k) Pro 24.33 34. a little sleep a little slumber a little folding of the hands to sleep till my ease came to me as one that travell'd and my victorie of my Disease as an armed man My bodie did oh may my soul so too (l) Jam. 1.21 quickly lay aside all the filthiness and superfluitie of its naughtiness and by thy blessing receive that temper which saved my soul from leaving it it suddenly laid aside every weight (m) Heb 12.1 and the Disease which did so easily beset it by thy commission all my distempers (n) 2 Sa. 18.7 dealt as gently with me as if thâ—â— oh my God hadst charg'd them of me as David charg'd Joab Abishai and Ittai of Absolon Deal gently with the young man and at thy word of command they departed from doing me evil oh may they now do me good For (o) Psal 119.67 before I was afflicted I went astray and so I am afraid to my heart I shall after it (p) Hos 5.15 If in my affliction I sought thee early what I shall do out of it I am very jealous for thousands call to thee (q) Psal 41.3 to make all their bed in their sickness who commune not with thee on bed or up in their health Thousands cry to Christ Jesus to (r) Mat. 2.17 take their infirmities and bear their sickness who yet sacrifice their strength and health to the Prince of Devils and live not to God But in thee oh my God do I trust for good I will not suspect that thou hast so cur'd my bodie as to have kill'd my soul this were to say to the whole Trinitie as Job to his Friends Job 13.14 Ye are all Physicians of no value There is oh my God (s) Jer. 8.22 aBa Im in Gilead and a Physician there for healthy as well as sick Israelites Oh let me have both for Lord I appeal to him himself who said That (t) Mat 9.12 the whole need not a Physician but the sick if I don't need thee now I am whole as much as when I was sick When I was sick did I say Alas alas Though my scabs be prettie well off and sores competently up agen I am thou knowest oh Lord nothing but spiritual wounds and bruises (u) Isa 1.9 Can. 2.5 and putrifying sores I am still sick of all things save of love to thee nor do I find that this rod of thy late correction hath driven so far from me as I could wish (x) Pro 22.15 Folly the seminary of all Diseases that not only is in but bound up in my my heart pit Blessed God I am not of them on whom thy rod is not but sith thy (y) Job 21.9 rod without thy reproof gives no wisedom that I know of oh lend me the latter or I lose the comfort of the former If thou dost not spare thy (z) Pro. 29.15 rod yet if thou denyest thy counsel I shall conclude my self a hated son or a reprobate (a) Heb â— 8. Pa. 48.10 bastard I read affliction is called a fornace Lord if it be so heat it as hot as (b) Dan 3.19 Nebuchadnezar's seven times hotter and in with me into it rather than let the (c) Jer. 6.29 bellows be burnt the lead consum'd of the fire the founder melt in vain and my wickedness not be pluck'd away Help me oh my God that I despise not or misimprove this or any of thy (d) Job 5.17 chastisements for that is a meer killing (e) Mat 23.37 of thy prophets and stoning them that are sent to me yea 't is a very saying Who is the Lord that I should fear him All the sicknesses and the sorrows that I improve not to (f) Mat 3 2 8. repentance and amendment of life methinks in my reflections they bring me down this thy dismal word of old pronounc'd (g) Gen 3.16 I will greatly multiply thy sorrow But verily oh my God when one of thy chastifements (h) Deu 32.30 chases a thousand of my corruptions and two puts ten thousand to flight There be three that bear record in heaven how unfeignedly I conclude That affliction with (i) Jo. 6.6 contentment is great gain I cannot say of all my Visitations (k) Job 17.12 as Christ of the Elect Those that thou gavest me I have saved and none is lost but yet sure I am some of my afflictions there be which when they have done all cannot say (l) Luk. 17.10 We are unprofitable servants for of one and another oh my God! thou knowest that (m) Mat 1.20 that which has been conceiv'd in them has been of the Holy Ghost My perils by sea that made me cry (n) Mat 8.25 27 1 Cor. 3.21 Lord save or I perish through thy grace made the wind and seas of my own tempestuous affections more obedient to my conscience ever since in my deliberacies But alas of any man alive I cannot glory in my self (o) Gen 47.9 Few and evil like Jacob's dayes have all my improves of thy corrections been and though in this sickness I hear a voice (p) Mat. 19.21 of Christ Come and follow me and in the many singular providentials of it I see a blessed plentie of thy goodnesses too I fear I shall not (q) Joh. 6.12 gather up the fragments so that nothing be lost But oh thou that hast sweetly (r) Phil 3.21 changed and art yet changing my vile bodie Let this sickness be unto the death of many a corruption and let my soul be (s) 2 Co 3.18 changed into the image of thy Son from glorie to glorie Let not my pride and securitie and forgetfulness of my God like Lazarus come out of their (t) Joh. 11.39 graves after they have been in for a few daies and have stunk in my nosthrils If thy Spirit help me not strongly to believe in thee though all my sins were dead Joh. 11.25 Joh. 10.10 yet they would live they would stand up from the dead and unbelief would give them life Unbelief which when it comes it comes that all sins may have life and that they may have it more abundantly How oft oh my God do I methinks hear this unbelief say of all sins as Christ of him whom he loved Our friends sleep but I go that I may awake them out of sleep Through faith (u) Heb 11.33 oh Lord give me to subdue Kingdoms yea the world of oppositions to my dutie in improving this my Recoverie I mean this thy (x) Eze. 37.6 laying sinews upon me bringing flesh upon me covering me again with skin and putting as it were a new life into me Forbid good God that the shew of my (y) Isa 3.9 countenance should cry against me and (z) Job 31.38 Pro. 17.8 Pro. 17.17 the furrows thereof complain of me for unthankfulness to thee Let this thy gift of my new life be to me as Solomon saies all gifts are a precious stone Whither soever it turns let it prosper to my faith hope and charitie He tells me a friend loves atall times I know no such friend but thy self nor any brother born for adversitie but the Saints elder Brother He saies the (a) Pro. 18.14 Spirit will bear infirmities But oh if he mean not by the upholding of thy Spirit my experience contradicts him Wherefore thou oh Triune God art my God and early will I seek thee because thy loving kindness is my life and (b) Psal 63.3 Psal 54 6. better than my life I will bless thee while I live and I will lift up my hands in thy Name I will sacrifice unto thee (c) Psal 4.12 Thy Vows are upon me oh God and I will render praises (d) Psal 119.11 Thy word will I hide in my heart that I may not sin against thee Every day will (e) Psal 145.2 I bless thee and I will praise thy Name for ever and ever (f) Psal 146.2 While I live will I praise the Lord I will sing praises to my God while I have any being and in this Quaery I will live and dye (g) Psal 116.12 What shall I render to the Lord for all his benefits Oh my God the very word of the Devil I will verifie and all that I have will I give thee for my life Nay and I will use his Words also to thee of all that ever I shall have in this world or in the world to come (i) Mat. 4.9 All these things will I give thee Amen my God Amen Amen FINIS
much (b) Pro. 7.21 fair speech do cause me to yield with the flattering of their lips they force me But when they draw me from thy Book oh my Book I find my going after them is just a meer oxes going to the slaughter and a fools to the correction of the stocks Other books (c) Pro. 25.14 boast in Title pages of false gifts and are meer clouds and wind without rain but thine gives good and (d) Jam 1.17 perfect gifts coming down from the Father of lights (e) Pro. 23.35 They have stricken me with reproofs and 〈◊〉 was not sick they have beaten me with inculked rebukes and my conscience felt it not but in thy word the (f) Mar. 26.75 Cocks crow so loud that they will make one go out of â—â—n (g) Luk 22 62. and weep bitterly that one can go out no further The word (h) Mal. 3.2 is a Refiners fire and suffers some cleansing inside and out Theirs maketh Scribes and Pharisees painted sepulchres but no (i) Joh. 1.49 true Israelites in whom there is no guile (k) Isa 5.12 the harp and the viol are in their feasts the tabret and pipe of the excellency of mans wisedom pleasing words and tinkling cymbals But thy Book gives (l) Can. 15.1 the myrrh with spice the honey with the honey-comb the wine with milk Oh my God thou hast made great (m) Psal 136.8 9. lights in thy word the Sun the Moon the Stars of precepts promises and providences else would this world be (n) Joh 10.21 22 a land of darkness and the shadow of death A land of darkness as hells darkness it self of the shadow of death without any order and where the light would be as darkness Some deal with thy word as (o) Ru. 1.14 16. Orpah with Naomi go some part of the way with her kiss her and then leave her But oh may my soul as Ruth's cleave to it and for ever say Whither thou goest I will go where thou lodgest I will lodge thy wayes shall be my wayes and thy God shall be my God (p) psal 145.10 11 12 14 15. All thy works do praise thee O Lord and thy Saints do bless thee they speak sweetly of the glory of thy Kingdom and talk of thy power but 't is thy word makes known to the sons of men thy mighty Acts of Creation and Redemption and the glorious Majesty of thy Kingdom 'T is thy word upholds all them that fall and raises up those that be bowed down Out of thy word thou givest the best meat to them whose eyes wait upon thee Thy gracious providences often make me cry out (q) psal 136.1 10 15 16 O give thanks to the Lord for he is good But 't is thy Word onely makes me add His mercy endureth for ever For why 'T is by thy Word that thou smitest Aegyptian lusts in their first-born and overthrowest reigning sins and their hosts of snares and temptations in the Sea of thy grace red with the Bloud Royal of thy Son 'T is by thy Word thou leadest thy people through the valley of sin ond sorrow into the heavenly Canaan 'T is thy Word that in the wilderness of this world (r) Psa 105.41 opens very rocks that waters gush out yea (s) Psal 107.35 that turns my part of this wilderness into a standing pool of mercies and my dry ground into water springs 11. A Soliloquy with the Soul about its sloth O My soul my soul (z) Pro. 2.6 16. 'T is in thy own conceit That such a sluggard as thou is wiser than seven men that can render a reason Dost think it enough as (a) Mat. 9.20 the woman with the bloody Flux only to come behind Christ and touch the hem of his garment Hers was a Flux of Blood thine of such sins as made a Flux of Christs Blood Her disease but of Twelve years thine of almost twice twelve for thou wast conceiv'd in it (b) Mat 9.21 As she said of Christ darest thou say of Christian Religion If I may but touch its garment I shall be whole If not why standest thou idle hath not God sent thee to hotter work (c) Mar. 6.8 9 7. Is this like a Disciple of Christ to be projecting for scrip bread money in thy purse and two coats and not be caring for power of thy unclean spirit and being shod with the sandals of the Gospel Art thou my soul the Bethlehem wherein Christ is born or the Sodom wherein pride idleness and fulness of bread reigns (d) Pro 21.25 The desire of the slothful Christian to be saved damns him because his hands refuse to abound in the work of the Lord. (e) Mat. 19.20 All these things have I kept from my youth up was the word of an hypoorite and very likely an Apostate 'T is another diligence (f) 2 Pe 1.10 ensures Election and secures from falling Be not (g) Jam 1.22 Jam. 1.21 deceiv'd oh my soul with vain words It is the doing Christian onely that undoes not himself A mans own words are not as God's able to save his soul Salvation must be (h) Phil 2.12 work'd not talk'd out Examine thy self prove thy self oh my soul for knowest thou not that great industry is in thee (i) 2 Go 13.5 except thou beest a reprobate Not to do well or (k) Gal 6. to be weary of well doing is a manifest token of God's being weary of thee and thy being so of him and every such (l) Heb. 10.38 drawing back finally persisted in is to perdition ' Tell not me there is a lion or singularity in the way a lion of censoriousness in the streets I shall be bit Thou must be so but who can help it If Christ (m) Mal 10 16 25. will send forth his Disciples in the midst of lions and wolves 't is so much the better for you if you are bit soundly you will be the more like your Master (n) Heb 10. The sacrifice of thy fame the offering the burnt-offering of it on this account is such as God will not despise but has pleasure in Men indeed and of repute for piety too many won't endure (o) 2 Ti 4.3 sound doctrine much less convincing conversation But God will have us do more (p) Mat 5.47 than others either do or allow us to do Oh my soul look right before thee Were it not better that men should say to thee and thy graces Why do ye more than others by way of accusation than that Christ when he comes should say What do ye more than others by way of condemnation Christ (q) Mat 7.29 Read the four Evangelists thy Doctor teaches not as the Scribes but as one having authority Don't thou live as the Scribes but as one having activity Christ thy Saviour did and suffered nothing but miracles for thee double miracles to wit because he did
Law ought not to depart out of a man's mouth so neither ought it to enter in save (k) Mat. 12.34 out of the hearts abundance Eliphaz advises (l) Job 22.22 Job to lay up God's word in his heart not his mouth (m) Pro 3.1 Prov. 4.23 and Solomon thought no cabinet so proper to keep divine Commands in as it Nay God himself chuses the Tables of the heart (n) Jer. 31.33 for to write his Laws in which makes me conclude A man may keep his mouth and tongue richly and yet never keep (o) Pro. 21.23 his soul from troubles and this because I know whatever entreth in at the mouth if it find no place in the heart it goes into (p) Mat 15.18 the belly of hidden lusts and is cast out into their draught The things of God which proceed out of the mouth when they proceed not forth out of the heart they defile the man So little a praise is it to be a man of pure lips if no more and especially if that of the (q) Isa 29. wise man be true to wit that though (r) Pro. 14.23 in all labour there be profit yet lip labour has a direct tendency to povertie Oh my soul (s) Pro. 11.9 Solomon tells thee That the Hypocrite with his mouth destroyeth his neighbour I tell thee more even that he destroys himself for though he has (t) Pro. 7.14 9 15 16 17 18 19 20. Peace offerings with him and every day payes his vows yet he goes forth in the black and dark angels of his soul to meet the Devil diligently to find him though he decks his bed with covering of religious Tapestry with carved works and fine linen of profession though he perfumes his bed with myrrh aloes and cinamon yet he takes his fill of spiritual whoredom and solaces himself with atheistical loves while the good conscience is not at home but is turn'd out of doors with a bag of money not to come home till the day appointed even that of Death and Judgement If of any soul alive this oh my soul is true of the hypocritical one He feedeth on ashes a deceiv'd heart hath turn'd him aside that he cannot deliver his soul nor say (u) Isa 44.20 Is there not a lye in my right hand (x) Pro 12.15 For the way of such a fool is right in his own eyes And Christ himself does not deny but he has his reward (y) Mat. 6.2 Mat. 6.4 Mat. 6.7 Mat. 6.6 Mar. 6.31 32 He does his alms to the devil in secret and that father of his who seeth him in secret himself rewards him openly Though when he prayes to God he uses as vain repetitions as the Heathens do yet when he prayes to the devil and wishes for devilish things he keeps in the closet of privacy and shuts all the doors at which men may see in He takes no thought saving What shall I do to eat Christ's flesh or drink his blood or cloath me with the garment of his Righteousness For after all these things do true Israelites seek but he seeks first the titular Kingdom of God and the professional Righteousness thereof and thinks all these things shall be added He takes no care for to morrow but lets that care for it self Sufficient he thinks unto the Day of Judgement if to any day is the evil thereof His love I can't say is without dissimulation but sure (z) Mat 5.44 love he does his enemies God's Lawes bless he does them though they curse him and pray for God's promises though they despightfully use him and give him no one drop of comfort He 's even almostas perfect as his father which is inHell is perfect This indeed oh my soul (a) Mat 7.11 9 10 9 10. I observe that being evil the hypocrite knows how to give good gifts and though when his friend asks of him for bread what he gives him in respect of himself be no more than a stone and he takes no more in it yet to his friend 't is good bread Though the Truths he delivers be to himself serpents that sometimes sting his soul yet as he delivers them they are fish What is (b) 2 Co 4.2 handling the Word of God deceitfully if this be not to wit Taking it (c) Deu 30.14 very nigh one even into ones mouth and yet not so much as know it any otherwise than God knows the proud to wit (d) Psal 138.6 afar off to be not a hearer onely but a talker too and yet not a (e) Jam 1.22 doer of the Word to do with it many wonderful works by it to (f) Mat 7.22 cast out devils and nevertheless as the Pharisees and Scribes (g) Mar 7.13 making that of none effect to ones self Oh my soul for the love of God let not the Word of God (h) Psa 119.103 be sweet to thy mouth and not to thy tast (i) 1 Th 5 26. Kiss it with no Judas-like but with a holy kiss (k) Mat 13.57 As 't is said of a prophet he is not without honour save in his own countrey so may it be said of the Word it is not without honour save in its own proper Region that of the heart (l) Deu 4.9 Oh keep thy heart and it more dear than thy hearts blood with all diligence (m) Psa 45.1 Let thy heart endite good matters of it (n) Pro 15.13 Pro. 15.15 A merry heart makes a chearful countenance Let thy hearts mirth in it be that which sets thy chearful countenance on it 'T is a heart a heart a heart I tell thee a merry heart with it which hath a continual Feast for the Lord and from the Lord. In the Word God opens his heart to the Word open thy heart even the hidden man of thy heart Oh my soul (o) 1 pe 3.4 I charge thee before God who has quickned thee and before Jesus Christ who never made or will endure rotten professions that thou take not the oyl (q) Psa 104.15 of the Word to make thy face to shine without the wine of the Word to make thy very heart glad in the Lord. (r) Jam 3.5 The tongue is a little member don't think that God intended it for the Seat and Dwelling house of his great Law (s) Pro. 16.1 The answer of the tongue is indeed from the Lord but when When the preparations of the heart in man be so to (t) pro. 15.7 the tongue is the dispenser and should be the disperser of holy knowledge But the heart my soul the heart 't is that has the good (u) Mat 6.21 treasure and as 't is true where the treasure is there the heart will be so really where the heart is there the (x) Mat 12.35 treasure will be good or bad O my soul better is a little in the heart (y) Pro. 15.16 with the fear
caused thee (b) Deu 34.14 to see it with thine eyes but thou shalt not go over thither But nor yet do I hear thee say so plainly as I would Fear not it is my good pleasure to give thee (c) Luk 12.33 the Kingdom Many seek to enter in and are not able Thousands not onely say and read but cry Lord Lord Open and yet are shut out Some get so far that they be not far from (d) Mat 7.22 thy Kingdom and yet never reach it Nay the children of the Kingdom themselves Christ tells me (e) Mat 8.12 are cast into outer darkness the most part of them and if so Lord what cause have I to say to my soul as (f) Rut 3.1 Naomi to Ruth Shall I not seek rest for thee that it may be well with thee Of that soul oh my God so forgetful am I that oft it checks me as (g) Jud 16.13 15. Dalilah her Sampson Hitherto hast thou mocked me and told me lyes How canst thou say I love thee and thy heart is not with me When it reflects on the madnesses of my heart and life it fears thou wilt one day say of me as Achish (h) 1 Sa. 29.15 of David Have I need of mad men Shall this fellow come into my house (i) Heb. 4.1 It doth not infrequently alarum me in the being left us of entring into God's rest we should come short of it For (k) 1 Pe 4.12 if the righteous scarcely be saved Where shall we appear Solomon sayes Blessed is the man that fears alwayes Oh my God Let me not serve thee therefore without fear of my self (l) Psal 118.6 David said He would not fear what man could do unto him but sure he meant of other men he fear'd his own heart when he cry'd Keep yea (m) Psa 119.13 Pro. 29 25. keep back thy servant from presumptuous fins Indeed the fear of other men bringeth a snare as Solomon sayes but the fearlesness of ones self brings a million The counsel is divine not to fear other men who (n) Mat 10.28 can kill our body and no more But 't is also as divine that a man should fear himself who is not onely able but prone by sin and by disobedience to destroy both soul and body in hell Oh my God Help me to attend Moses's advice (o) Deu 4.9 Joh. 13.13 to take heed to my self and keep my soul diligently I find That in every Prayer and Conference wherein I do not so do I must cry out to my Lord and Master as Josiah to his servants when shot by the Archers (p) 2 Ch 35.23 Have me away for I am sore wounded and that in my grace and peace too As Martha of Lazarus to Christ I oft say of my faith and hope to my care of my evidences for Heaven Oh divine eares hadst (q) Joh 11.21 thou been here my faith and hope had not dyed and indeed when that is absent whatever my labour is in Duties in the end I must say as Simon to Jesus Master (r) Luk 5.5 We have toiled all night and have taken nothing Wherefore oh my Blessed God and Bounteous Grant thou that when thy holy Spirit (s) Mat 5.41 compells me to go one mile with him in securing my title to glory I may go with him twain Oh let my conscience be ever telling me like to what Michol told David If thou save not (t) 1 Sa 19.11 thy life to night by ensuring thy evidences to morrow thou wilt be slain With sins sorrows and temptations If at any time I call the proud Mal. 3.15 happy as Malachi sayes and say in a but seeming prosperity of grace that I shall never be moved Oh my God let thy good Spirit take me off as the King (u) 2 Ki. 18.19 20. of Assyria did Hezekiah What confidence is this wherein thou trustest Thou sayest but they are but vain words I have counsel and I have strength O my God say to me of the host of my corruptions my pride follie c. as once thou didst to Gideon Arise (x) Jud 7.5 Get thee down to the host for I have delivered it into thy hand Help me oh Lord incorruptly to say to Jesus of his Redemption-work (y) Rut 2.12 as Boaz to Ruth The Lord recompense thy work and a full reward be given thee of the Lord God of Israel under whose wings thou hast caused me trust and to vow unto him as Ittai to David As the Lord liveth and as my Lord Jesus liveth as the living Father liveth and Jesus liveth by the Father surely in what place my Lord the King of Saints shall be (z) 2 Sa. 15.21 Whether in death or life even there will thy servant be Help me oh my God to set my Jesus (a) Can. 8.6 as a seal on my heart and arm with a love strong as death with jealousie of all rivals cruel as the grave Give me to write on this World and the glory of it (b) Dan 5.27 TEKEL Thou are weigh'd in the balances and are found wanting of any good for my soul (c) Col. 3.1 Job 23.2 Let my affections be on things above my comforts in heaven and my hopes on high Let me know oh my God where I may find thee in all distresses and let me come even to thy seat When my heart is overwhelm'd lead me to the Rock that is higher than I (d) Psa 61.2 Ps 119.139 Job 32.12 Order my steps in thy Word let not any iniquitie have Dominion over me in health or distrust in sickness in both let me esteem thy Word above my necessary food or physick And so oh my God of my evidences for heaven (e) Mat 10.20 it shall not be I my self that speak but thy Spirit in me Amen my God Amen and Amen Whiles this Piece lay at the Press it pleased GOD to visit the Authour with the Small Pox and gave him a Recovery full of Extraordinary Providences of which upon his Friends request he hath annexed his Meditations 24. A Soliloquy with God after Recovery from a Sore Disease OH my God I am sure I can say (a) Mat 25.36 I was sick and thou visitest me Oh that in the Day of Judgement thou maist say likewise to me I was sick and thou visitedst me I read of thy own people that once (b) Isa 42.25 they had a fire about them yet they knew it not nay and it burn'd them yet they laid it not to heart Sure I am I had my Disease about me and I knew it not nay and it brake out on me and never entred into my heart what it was till by thy providence 't was made known to me So unable was I to do thy work (c) Psal 103.3 to heal all my diseases my self that in St. Paul's sense and another too I might and still must say (d) 1