the Encouragement of an Holy Hope c. and am perfuaded of the Stability of his Word and the Certainty of Eternal Life to all who continue in well-doing shall I after all this ever break with God againe shall I ever cancell this Engagement violate this my Vow and falsifie so many repeated Promises and Resolutions Oh that his Power may rest upon me and his Grace work in me both to will and to Doe that this God may be my God for ever and my Guide unto Death Let me never reassume this Gift and Surrender of my self or defraud God of his Right and Propriety His I am and Him I will serve living wholly to Him using all I have for him being willing he should do what he list with his own and consequently dispose of me and of all that any way belongs to me as shall seem Good in his Eyes I am Thine O Lord save me Command me my work apoint me my Duty direct my Station order my Condition let me be Thine tho imploid in the meanest service and the most aborious selfdenying work Tho I should be but a Doorkeeper in thine House an Hewer of Wood or a Drawer of water Tho I must pinch the flesh and swim against the Tide and renounce what before I valued yet This God shall be my God for ever By this means when I come to Dye if God should add more years to the little number I have past besides this I have now begun I may be able to say with Upright Hezekiah Remember Lord how I have walked before Thee in mine Integrity That in the face of Death and the Grave in the view of another World and the near prospect of Eternity I may be able to Reioyce in Hope and Say Lord Jesus Receive my Spirit Thou art my Saviour and I have waited for thy Salvation I have sought Thee with my whole Heart I have chosen thy Favor rather then Worldly Grandeur and Prosperity I have prized thy Love and endeavor'd to obey Thee as the best Expression of my own tho with many Imperfections which I bewail I have delighted more in thy Service and Presence then in the Pleasures of Sin and vanity thy Testimonies have been the Joy of my Heart I took no delight in the Company of the ungodly after I was devoted to Thee O let me not have my Portion with them in the other World Fortifie me now against the King of Terrors strengthen me in this my last Conflict enable me to triumph over Death by the Crosse of Christ my victorious Redeemer and carry me thro the dark valley at the divorce of Soul and Body and grant me an abundant entrance into thine heavenly Kingdom Let me be numbred among thy Chosen and my Body wait in Hope 'till the general Resurrection that I may then see thy Glory and dwell with Thee for ever By voluntary consent and Choice thou art my God and thy Presence in Heaven my ultimate Felicity I have trusted to thy Gracious Promise to prepare me for it and bring me to it O fullfill thy Word unto thy Servant wherin thou hast caued me to hope and mercifully receive my departing Soul that seeks Thee that loves Thee that breaths after Thee and desires nothing but to know Thee better and love Thee more and be more entirely conform'd to thine Image and live allways in thy B. Presence Amen Holy Father be it unto me according to thy Word thro the Merits and Intercession of my Allsufficient Saviour J. Christ the Faithfull and True Witness in whom all thy Promises are Yea and Amen XXX Thanksgiving to God for his Innumerable Benefits and Mercies particularly in the Year Past with some Direction and Advice concerning it HOw precious and delightfull are the Thoughts of thy Benefits O Lord how great is the sum of them Should I count them they are more in number then the stars Shall I not observe anâ— consider them maintaine a grateful sense of 'em and publickly acknowledg them on all occasions that I may Bless the Lord at all Times and his Prayse be continually in my mouth More especially should I conclude and begin the Year with solemn Praises to my Great Benefactor and Preserver I ought to begin and close every Day with it therby to make the outgoings of the Morning and the Evening to rejoyce in God. Every year every Day every Hour every Moment offers me an occasion to praise Him because he is every minute gracious and hath been so ever since he gave me my Being Allmost one half of my Time hath been spent in Sleep when I remember not God nor my self yet doth He who never slumbers or sleeps remember me in Mercy and watch over me for Good. Yea tho in the other half by Day I have forgotten him in a worse sense by casting off his Fear and not remembring that his Holy Eye is upon me yet hath he not forgotten to be Gracious Therfore I will Praise the name of God with a song and will magnifie him with Thanksgiving and never forget his Benefits With which Sacrifice he is better pleased then with an Oxe or Bullock that hath horns and hoofs He hath prolonged my Life this last Year when so many others of his more usefull servants have been remov'd by Death and given me farther Time and Space to Repent when multitudes have been surpriz'd in their Impenitence Yea it was He who formed me in the womb and brought me safely into the world by whose Providence I have hitherto been supplied in Him I live and move and continually exist To his undeserved Goodness I am beholding for all the Good of any kind which I ever enjo'yd to his Bounty I am indebted for all that I now have and must depend upon it for what ever I can here after exspect Thro Infancy and Childhood he was pleas'd to preserve me Psalm 69. v. 30. favouring me with many advantages in my Birth and Education prividing for me a Competent Livelyhood disposing the Circumstances of my Condition Relations Places of Abode c. more advantagiously then he hath done for Thousands affording me many helps for the Improving of my mind and the increase of Knowledg and preventing my Necessities and even my Desires with numberless Blessings which I never so much as askt for He hath caused Several of my Relations to yeild me Comfort when they might have been sore Afflictions He hath raised up Strangers to befriend me and show me kindness How many favours have I receiv'd from God by the Instrumentality of other Men to whom God gave the Will and the Power the Opportunity and the Inclination How often hath he deliver'd my Soul from Death mine Eyes from Tears and my Feet from falling by seasonable Preservations so that I do yet walk before Him in the Land of the Living He hath rescu'd me from the brink of many a Precipice which thro Ignorance or Inadvertency did not apprehend or Fear When I knew not
yet to come Things past by a remembrance of some remarkable passages when they happened seem to be present with me but not knowing what may happen in the same number of years to come I have nothing wheron to fix my thoughts Or the reason of this difference may rather be that men in this degenerate and necessitous State with unsatisfied desires reaching after Happines and sensible nothing present can afford it and knowing by Experience that nothing past could have done it are eagerly desirous of Felicity and because we know not but what is to come may procure it we hope it will which makes the Time seem long by reason of our Expectation and desire of Good. Wheras the foresight of Evill and the Expectation of that some years hence makes the Time rather seem short and near at hand So many years to come in the Expectation and desire of Good are long and tedious such Hope deferred makes the Heart sick even tho 't is of that sort as must needs fail our Expectations Prepare me Lord for what thine unerring Counsell shall pleas to order as to the remainder of my time on earth and suffer me not to count upon a great number of Years to come since this for ought I know may be my last neither let me expect Rest and Happiness in this world which nothing Temporal can afford This is not the state or season wherein by any promise of God I am encouraged to hope it And if fifty or threescore years to come be thought so great a matter and really is so as to our stay on earth Oh what apprehensions ought I to admit concerning an endless Everlasting State especially being as certaine of the latter after death as I am uncertaine about the former wither so many years be yet to come before my death V. The little Portion of our Time on Earth considered by a Computation of the Life of man from the number of Years and Hours THink o my soul how short is that Life at longest made up of years and moneths and days such little parts and yet in number few Well therefore may it be exprest as I find in holy writt by years of number That is such as may soon be numbred 16. c. 22.12 Ezek. 16.10 Isai 19. When a few years are come saith Job or the years of number as in the original I shall go the way whence I shall not return By the years of on Hireling which were not above three 16. Is 14. We usually compute Threescore and ten years to the Life of man let me suppose four score The Bed with most imploys one half and hardly one in Thirty doth reach the Age of Seventy Years And they who live to such an Age Winter Evening Conference Conf. 1. do yet complaine how soon 't is done Ignorant child hood and Heedless Youth and Infirm old Age may be supposed to take up be a third part of that Time. In either of them very little of the great Ends of Life are answered We ordinarily begin to reckon our lives from our Birth wheras for a good while after we know not wither we are alive or no but are beholding to others to make the account for us When we first come to the steady use of Reason or what we call the years of Discretion how few are there but from the prejudices of Education from the corruption of Humane Nature from the want of Experience from the Infection of bad Company how few I say but spend their younger years in those things which afterwards they are ashamed of when Experience hath taught them the Wisdom of men How great a part of our remaining Time is taken up in the necessites of Nature about food and Rayment and in lawfull cares to support the Body and how much more then needs in pampering dressing and adorning it out of the smal remainder how much is imploied in the concerns of a Family and near Relations in particular Callings in necessary Civil Business and in getting keeping or improving an Estate Besides all the Time that is spent in Recreations visits unprofitable discours impertinent thoughts journeys sickness and innumerable other occasions some allowable and many needless After this how little Time remains wherein to Cultivate and improve our minds by Languages Arts and Sciences or the knowledg of a Trade c. How little then after all may we say is left for the the matters of Religion for Devotion to God and serious preparation for another world Alas how smal a number of years make up the Life of Man and how smal a Portion of that is imployed about the Principal Business for which we were born for which we live We divide Time into Past Present and Future but the Past is not now ours the Future is not yet and the Present now is past ere the sound be pronounced And yet this is all the Time alloted us wherein to secure the Blessedness of Eternity How many Hours more of our little Time might be improved then commonly are by the Best In every year there are eight thousand seven hundred seventy five Hours if we allow the greatest half for sleep and necessary attendance on the Body and take but four thousand Hours for our work and business of consequence how poor an acount can most men give of all thes four thousand Hours in every year not one hour in seven not one in ten is ordinarily devoted to God and the purposes of Religion Should it not affectus seriously to consider this especially if we remember at what an uncertainty we are how smal a number of Days and Hours do yet remaine This year this moneth this week this day or hour may be my last What an unsuspected accident or a sudden diseas may doe I know not but this I know that there is scarce any thing that hath not killed some Body an hair a feather a vapor a breath hath done it and when the Apostle James asks the question What is your Life he answers It is even a vapor that appeareth a little while and then vanisheth away VI. Of the Redemption of Time how precious and valuable a Treasure it is and will be thought to be when 't is too late IS the Life of men so short and fleeting our days on Earth so few and so uncertaine how careful should I be to manage every hour indevoring to match the swiftness of Time by my celerity and diligence to improve it As there is no Covenant to be made with Death so no Agreement for the arrest and stay of Time it keeps its pace wither I redeem and use it well or noe The greatest part of our life is designedly imploied to avoid death we eat and drink and sleep and labor and rest that we may not dye and yet even by thes we hasten to death Every Breath every puls every word leaus one less of the number which God hath apointed me and carries away some sands of
it at a better rate my sins stare me in the face my conscience tells me I am not ready for such a Trial I have lived a stranger to such thoughts as now I cannot refuse and which should have been admitted sooner But if to such a state any hope of mercy may be granted tho it be unspeakably little yet I cannot promise my self any such warning by sickness The sleeping virgins were called at Midnight and so may I. where can I pitch my Tents on Earth to be secure against a sudden remove Lord make thes thoughts effectual to prevent my loss of precious Time which at such a season will be esteemed precious tho now it be not O how swift how short my Time of Trial in order to Eternity how difficult how important a work is it to prepare for an Everlasting state what is all this world how little how meer a nothing to a departing soul and shall I after such reflexions continue to pursue shadows and pleas my self with empty dreams when being so near my final Judgment the common wisdom of a man requires me to mind it in good earnest and be more sollicitous about it then for any Thing Temporal O in what manner will Death open mine eyes by shutting the windows of sens how shall I then see the nothingness of what is but Temporal and the reality of what is Eternal We sometimes laugh to see the vanity of little Children who are greatly pleased with painted toys and busily imployed about trifles It extorts a smile to see them eager and industrious and mightily concerned in their childish sports to see them fight or weep for little things which we despise to observe with what sollicitude and care they l raise a little fabrick which three moments after they themselvs pull down or would otherwise tumble of its own accord We laugh at thes but should weep over our selvs as the greater and Elder Fools who are every whit as Silly yea infinitely more so that considering we know the frailty of our present Life and can look beyond the Grave to another world should yet mispend our precious Time on things which cannot profit and pleas our selvs with what is so unsuitable to our Age and State and suffer our passions to work with violence for a thing of nought and our greatest diligence care and zeal to be exercized on things impertinent and vaine that are perishing in in themselvs and can contribute nothing to our Eternal wellfare And is it not thus with reference to all that men toyl and labor for with the neglect of an immortal State The voluptuous Sadducee will not refuse the present gratification of his sensual appetite because he is uncertaine of another day Let us eat and drink for to morrow we dye Should not the same motive quicken my diligence in a better work and because my Lord may come suddenly as a thief in the night immediately prepare to meet him Let me now therefore o my soul look forward to the end of Life and Time and so let me esteem and seek and choos and do every thing in the first place which then I shall wish I had Let me do nothing now which I verily believe I shall then be ashamed or sorry to reflect on that by thinking what a condition I shall then wish to have my soul in I may now provide my self much better then I have done thitherto That while I am in the greatest probability of living I may suppose my change to be near and so not dare do any thing but what I would or might do if I were in the present expectation of Death To this end let me goe down to the Potters house descend to the consideration of my mortality and dwell among the Tombs remembring the Aegyptians built themselvs better Tombes then Houses because they were to dwell longer in them Let every nights repose serve me as a memorial of my last sleep and let my Bed stand for the model of my Coffin This is the only way to be dead to this world to be able to judge of things now as we shall do after death according to immutable Eternal Truth X. The Brevity of Life considered as the fruit of sin There are but three ways of leaving this world as Abel Adam or Enoch A diligent improvement of Time farther prest and the neglect of it bewailed THe shorting of our Days is the fruit of sin We dye because we have sinned and yet we should not sin as now if this were not forgot that we must dye From the First Transgression of Adam we derive our death and therefore some of his Posterity lived longer then he Which proves that the lengthning of our Days is the peculiar Gift of God and yet 't is such a Gift as was more desired formerly then since the apearance of Christ for we read of none in the New Testament since Life and Immortality is brought to Light by the Gospel who desired a long continuance here on earth Were we delivered from sin the sting of Death by having made our peace with God in the Bloud of Jesus Death would not be frightfull or put on such a ghastly vizor as to most it doth But we are uncertaine of our Justification we waver between hopes and Fears as to our Final Sentence and are conscious to our selvs that we are not ready for our great Acount This makes Death â—o terrible Considering with all that it is inevitable the way of all the Living For tho the curs be removed and the sting be taken out by our H. Saviour so that the Souls of Believers are safe and shall not be toucht by the second Death yet God hath not taken away the stroke of it from the Body tho a Christian is assured of deliverance from Hell he is not exempted from the Grave as his passage to Heaven Prepare me Lord by the free Remission of all my sins and make me meet for the Blessed Inheritance by sanctifying grace and then thy Time is best Thy Holy will be done No matter then wither my Death be violent or what we call Naturall It will be one of the two for I can't expect to be Translated by a miraculous change as Holy Enoch was and as they shall be who shall be found alive at the world when our Glorious Judge shall come againe There are but those three ways of leaving Earth and the Three First Men of whose departure we read in Scripture are Instances of all Three Abel of a violent Death Adam of a natural one and Enoc of a Translation The variety and order of their Departure as one observes is very admirable and deserves to be considered For all mankind must follow one or other of those three Examples Every man or woman that is born into the world must leave it by one of those three ways Either be cut off by a violent Death as Abel the first man who dyed or dye a Natural Death
devotion to God is therby extinguisht all the restraints of vice removed the floud gates of Impiety opened the encouragements of vertue the rewards of Holiness the foundation of Patience in Tribulation and suffering for Righteousness sake all at once taken away Lord confirm my belief of the invisible future state of Rewards and Punishments and let not Sadduceism and Infidelity damp my zeal in thy service or rob me of the comforts of this Life which if I have any solid ones must suppose the hopes of a Better Let others therefore o my Soul who expect not an Everlasting Heaven beyond the Grave place their affections on Earthly things and mind this world as if there were no better no other Let them who doubt or disbelieve the promised rewards of Eternity take up with what they must shortly leave and labor for the Bread that perisheth But since I profess to believe and seek the Life Everlasting let me dayly intertaine my self with the hopes of it and let all the flattering dreams of what is desireable upon Earth give place to nobler and better Thoughts Let me derive my principal Joy from the promise and expectation of that future felicity and indeavor nothing more then a meetness to pertake of it O my God my God! thou art my Life and Joy and Portion in thee and in thy love all my desires and hopes are answered and all my wants supplied How ever Evill this world is made by sin yet thou art the infinite and supreme Good. How mutable how uncertaine how perishing soever are all sublunary things yet thou art the rock of Ages the fountaine of Everlasting Life and hast apointed another world and another Life when this is ended wherein thou wilt be better known and loved and served and honored and communicate thy self more abundantly then now to those the desire of whose souls is towards thee that believe and love thee that partake of thine image and are devoted to thy fear The assurance of this and nothing els will answer the objection of the present vanity and misery we are subject to XII The consideration of the Death of others especially of Relations Friends and Acquaintance how to be improved What instructions we may learn by the sight of a Dead Carcass or a Deaths-head and the usual Motto on it and what by the Death of Holy Persons to quicken our desires to be as they HAth divine Patience added one year more to the number of my Days when so many others were removed by Death the last year Others whom a few moneths since I knew in vigorous health wiser stronger more likely to live and to answer the ends of Life then me some of them my near Relations and usefull Friends in whose converse I took delight and promised my self advantage by their Company and Exemples But they are taken and I am left Thy Holy will o Lord is done and they who were prepared are infinite Gainers by this my loss Quicken my preparations by following their piety to meet them in thy Heavenly Kingdom Let thy long suffering lead me to Repentance and suffer me not to slight thy warning by the death of others to expect my own Lord cure my Earthly mindedness and practical unbelief and by all such admonitions of thy Providence teach me to possess and use this world as knowing I must shortly leave it and let not the thoughts of my mortality wear off assoon as the funeral of my Friends is over Every year some or other of our Acquaintance drop into the Grave we attend them thither and lament it may be for a few days their departure and removal but consider not that others will ere long do the same for us it may before this year is ended Oh how soon do we forget our deceased Friends and our selvs who are likewise dying and count upon a long life which we cannot reasonably expect and hug the injoyments of this transitory world as if our present state would last for ever Will nothing but our own dissolution effectually convince us of our mistake and folly in this perticular Tho the arrows of Death flye continually round about us sometimes over our heads when Superiors are taken away sometimes fall at our feet when Children and Servants and inferiors dye sometimes on our left hand when an Enemy is cut off and while I am pleased with that in that very hour it may be another arrow on our right hand strikes the Friend of our bosome and delight and can we see all this that great and smal high and low friends and foes are all vanity and drop down dead round about us and shall we not consider that we are as vaine as they and must shortly follow shall we not by a Christian Chymistry extract Spirits out of thes dead Bones and by thes Examples learn the End of all Men and lay it to heart When ever I see the funeral of another let me think thus with my self why might not I have been that man or woman that is now carried to the Grave If we had been compared a few days since 't is probable I should have been thought as likely to have been his monitor by dying first as he mine By such an improvement of thes warnings the request of Dives to Abraham were in great measure granted for 't is a call from the dead that speaks loudly to us to consider our selvs and prepare in time for so great a change and say as the Prophet to Hezekiah Set thine house in order for thou shalt dye Can we look upon a Deaths-head and not remember what we shall shortly be may not much be learnt from its common motto Sum quod Eris Fueramque quod Es. I am that which thou shalt shortly be and have been that which thou art now that is I have been as gay and jocund as brisk and merry as proud and vaine as rich and great as careless and secure as honourable and as much esteemed as beautifull and as well beloved as witty and as learned as thou art or canst be now I valued my self as much upon my estate and trade and health and beauty upon my education profession imployments parts friends family c. as thou hast ever done or canst doe I lived in ease and pleasure in mirth and jollity I minded the world as much and indulged my self as much in sensuality and was as carefull of my body and pampered and pleased my flesh as much as thou and thought as little of a sudden death and prepared as little for such a change as thou dost but now my dry Bones are lookt upon with contempt and scorn but thou shalt shortly return to dust and be as vile as I am It cannot but affect us did we consider it to see Divers snatcht away in their Youth and outward Prosperity and in the midst of their sin and folly without any visible signs of true Repentance or in terrible anguish and horror for their past crimes
and yet how few do take the warning carefully to prevent the like unhappiness O Lord preserve those strong Convictions those serious thoughts those holy Resolutions those lively apprehensions of the Life to come of the Evill of sin and the Terrors of thy wrath which the Sight of dying persons hath at any time awakened in my soul O the Eloquence of a dying sinner to persuade to Repentance even when he hath lost his speech and lays gasping and trembling on a bed of sickness breathing out his last faint breath and passing into the other world to answer for the crimes and follies of a wicked Life Lord revive thes thoughts upon my soul and let me feel the power and influence of them in the hour of Temptation and in every time of need And let the consideration of the death of Believers the Blessedness they are thereby entred into and the Holiness they are to posses'd of quicken my desires and diligence to prepare to follow When I think where they are and what they are doing what is their work and what their state what their continual imployment and what their Injoyments and how different from ours I cannot but wish to be with them to be as they are and do as they do to know and love and praise God as they They are not hindred by such a clog as this body is to us or tempted by their senses appetite and fancy to sin against him they complaine not of a seducing flesh unruly passions low and disordered thoughts of Temporal afflictions spiritual desertions the snares of the world and the malice and subtility of the Devil we who are Pilgrims and Travellers are exposed to these difficulties and storms which they are freed from They are now rejoycing in the light of God's countenance and shall never question his love more while we are in Tears and sorrows groaning to be delivered But think o my soul that they were lately such as we are now They were members of the militant Church before they entred into joy and Triumph They had their conflicts and difficulties their hour of Temptation and time of trial as we have ours They were slandered and persecuted and sadned and disapointed as their Followers are They went to Heaven the same way and got the victory after the same manner by Repentance and Faith and humble persevering Obedience They were once imperfect as we are now and complained of the Body of Sin and Death and struglings of unmortified lust as we doe and were sometimes in the dark about their intrest in the promise and walkt heavily by the hiding of God's face and indured Temptation even as we And as we have nothing to doe or suffer but what they met with we have the same encouragement that administred to their support the same God and Saviour the same way and rule the same assistance by the aids of his H. Spirit offred us the same promises and the same rewards proposed which they injoyed first in faith and hope and afterwards in fruition Yea they pass'd thro the dark valley and so must we their Earthly Tabernacle was dissolved and so must ours be We must expect to goe the same way to Rest and Glory and wait God's Time for our admission We must finish first the work which God hath for us to doe and suffer and then all Tears shall be wipt from our eyes we shall grieve no more we shall sin no more but be as the Angels in Heaven or as the Spirits of the Just made Perfect XIII What Influence the consideration of Eternity would have upon our Hearts and Lives if soundly believed and considered Especially if the supposition of Dying this year be annexed to it WIth what Humility mortification and self denial what seriousness watchfulness and resolved constancy would every Christian live on Earth did he act allways under the influence and power of a confirmed Faith concerning the Life to come We should not then grudge at a little labor or boggle at a few difficulties in our way What tho I meet with injuries and affronts hardships and inconveniencies being now in a forreign country and every day I live one days journey nearer my Eternal Home Shall I not patiently bear momentany sorrows while I believe I am hastening to Eternal Joys Did I look more to the Everlasting World should I not make the pleasing of God in order to my Eternal welfare the great Business of my Life Should I not serve the Lord with more fervency of Spirit and be better fortified against the Fears of man who can but hurt and kill the Body nor that neither without the permission of God Should I not order all my affaires answer all Temptations mortifie in ward Lusts live in the Exercize of Grace and in circumspect persevering Obedience in order to it Should I not watch more over my Heart and Lips and Ways be more diligent to trim my Lamps more dead to this world more carefull to call my self frequently to an account to renew my Repentance Would not my converse be more usefull and edifying my discourses more savory and full of Religion my Prayers to God more humble and earnest my charity to men more unfeigned and extensive and my preparations every way more suitable to such a Faith and to such apprehensions of an Everlasting State Could we carry the thoughts of Eternity about with us every day and often admit them in our civil and secular affaires did we repeat it frequently to our selvs at least every morning as soon as we are awake that we are near Eternity this graine of Incense would perfume the whole Temple and be an Antidote against inward Lust and impure thoughts against the Infection and defilement of bad Company and the snares of worldly Business and do much to prevent vaine and sensual actions and to cure vaine affections Did we believe it and believe it near should we not take as much pains to secure Eternal life as we see men doe to get Riches Should we not use the same diligence care and circumspection the same prudent foresight watchfulness and perseverance to prevent Everlasting destruction as others doe to provide against Poverty and to live in Plenty a little while on Earth Should we not rejoyce as much in the promise and hopes of it as others do in the prospect and expectation of some Earthly Advantage Lord I confess and bewail the weakness of my faith How often have I concluded and said that Heaven alone is the place of Happiness and yet my carnal Heart is too much affected with Earthly ThÃngs How often have I resolved upon the conviction of the certainty of the Eternal world to mind this less and to affect and seek it no more as I have done and yet my foolish Heart is hankering after it still O crucifie my affections to things below and let the believing Thoughts of the next Life render me victorious over all the Temptations of this Pardon and
who loveth Righteousness will clear my Integrity if it may best subserve his own Great and holy ends at least he will stand by and help me when all forsake me and if he speak Peace and give inward Consolation who can speak Trouble and his final Judgment which is near at hand will distribute rewards and punishments to all according to their works Suppose farther that I should want a sepulcher after Death There is nothing I could better be without If God receive my Soul and will raise my Body at the last day wither it putrifie and consume under ground or above it is no great matter They who are alive will be more concern'd in that then I shall be Graves are for the sake of the Living rather then the Dead The Sun the Raine the Air Birds Beasts Worms will all contribute to give me Burial if men deny it The only difference is that it will be a little longer ere I am buried If my soul rest in the Bosome of my Saviour and by persevering in the love and practise of the Truth I have secured my Reputation with wise and Good men I need not be sollicituos what become of my Body My Almighty Judge will raise me a glorious Body like his own and reunite it to my soul As easily as certainly as for any of those whose Bodies were preserved in Caves and Vaults in Proud Sepulchers and under stately Monuments I may dye this year and shall not then have the satisfaction to see my Children or nearest Kindred educated provided for setled and disposed of But is not the Everliving God the same cannot he as well take care of them when I am gone as now answer all my prayers after my deceas and exercise that Fatherly care wisdom and love which shall dispose of their conditions save them from Temptations and supply all their wants and exceed all my desires in reference to them and fullfill his Covenant promise from generation to generation to the Childrens of them that fear him O how weak is my Faith that cannot trust God in so common and plaine a case Lastly I may dye this year and not live to see the Ruine of the Antichristian Kingdom and Interest and the accomplishment of many Excellent Promises which concern the Rest and Peace and Purity and Glory of the Churches of Christ on earth in the latter days But have I not deserved by my provoking unbelief Ingratitude and Disobedience to dye in the Wilderness and not behold the promised land or see the Peace of Jerusalem and will not the strugglings of Satan to support Babilon infer a dismal night of darkness and distress before the expected morning of deliverance so that it may now if ever be truly said Henceforth Blessed are the Dead who dye in the Lord. And if God will take me to himself in the other world I cannot possibly be a looser tho I should not see the Beginnings of a New Heaven and a New Earth in this However I rejoice in Hope and pray incessantly for the Resurrection of the Witnesses and the rebuilding of Sion and the more plentifull Effusion of see the H. Spirit the great comprehensive promise of the Latter Times to effect a glorious Kingdom for Christ on earth and my Faith assures me I shall hereafter the Son of God revealed from Heaven clothed with Majesty sitting on a cloud leading the Heavenly Host raising the Dead by his powerfull voice summoning all the World to appear to Judgment gathering his Elect and finally destroying death and him that had the power of it the Devil condemning the wicked to Everlasting Destruction but acquitting honouring and rewarding his poor members with infinite and Eternal Blisse XV. Of Dying in a Forreign Country and of Dying Young. Considerations proper to Reconcile the mind to both I May not live to the end of this year God in his Providence having called me abroad I may never see my Native Country more Let me still remember o my Soul that wherever I am I am travelling towards the Grave and passing to another world that I may live in all Places as a Pilgrim and Stranger here on Earth with Affections suited to my condition becoming one who is travelling in a Strange Land. Let me bear the Inconveniencies I may meet with in this world as Strangers in their Travells are wont to doe Let me not repine at the ill accommodations of an Inne where I am to lodge but a night or two but encourage my self with the assurance of better Entertainment at home when my Pilgrimage is ended and my Journey over One of my dearest holy Friends Mr. Thomas Bent who dyed at Geneva May 10. 1683. and Fellow Travellers whose memory will be ever precious with those who knew him quickly arrived to his Journeys end and is entred into Rest betimes Which of his Companions shall next follow we know not or how soon Lord make me apprehend the nearness of my change in every place and if I am prepared for dying no matter where it be There is no one Country farther from the Presence of God then another The whole world may be considered as one Great House and the several Kingdoms and Countries of it but as different Apartments in the same house and they who tarry at home are no more exempt from Death then they who Travell abroad The Presence of my Gracious Father is every where the same in some measure Blessed be my God I have hitherto found it so And may I not rejoyce in God in a desart in a Wilderness tho all the World should forsake me tho all the world should be against me Should I have no other Friend or Helper is not God an infinite God Enough and without his favor and Presence what can all this world do for me If I am sick and in danger of Death among my Relations and Friends if the comforts of the Allmighty do not refresh and delight my soul they cannot and if I want not these in my last agonies no matter in what part or corner of the Earth I breath my last If the word and promise of God be my Foundation an holy Hope my anchor Christ my Pilot and Heaven my Country I shall not fail of being landed there at last Suffer me not to forsake thee o Heavenly Father while I live and do not thou forsake me in my last Hour and let it come when and where thou wilt If my Blessed Saviour will receive my departing soul at death I am not sollicitous in what Country or part of the Earth it be And that I may not be unwilling in the flower of my Age and Time in Youth and Strength to leave this world let me think often that no one age or part of Life is more privileged against the stroke of Death then another If I have done my work betimes as my deceased Fellow Traveller had is it not better to receive the Blessed Recompence then to tarry longer
in a world of sin and suffering absent from the Lord Shall I not thereby escape a multitude of Temptations sins and sorrows which others by living longer are exposed to If my Peace be made with God what should make me willing to live at this distance from him what shoul render this world so desireable where God is so dishonored where I am so often tempted to displeas him and so often yeild to such Temptations and may I not fear least I should fall into such scandalous and greivous sins that may bring a publick reproach on the Gospell of Christ and sadden the Hearts of all my Aquaintance who love the Lord Jesus in sincerity And tho I should maintaine my Integrity yet in this world my highest love and obedience to God and my sweetest communion with him is but imperfect How many Impediments and Diversions do I dayly meet with that deaden my Heart to Heavenly contemplations and affections what disapointments and sorrow full disasters to convince me this is not the place of Rest and Happiness what smart Afflictions may some of my Relations prove what dangerous snares may attend me in the remaining Portion of my Time what opposition and hatred from men may the stedfast professing of the Truth and fidelity to God expose me to what publick national calamities may I have my share in c. But if I consider old Age it self which we doe desire to reach what and how many are the Infirmities and Griefs and troublesome Circumstances which attend that state which dying young will prevent are not most men who reach a very great old Age helpless objects of Pitty a Burden to themselvs and to all about them And which commonly happens may I not then be as unwilling to dye as at present as loath then to leave the world as now tho in a manner it will have left me for how many old men past the relish of sensual Pleasures are yet inordinately fond of a longer Life Have I not been told by Heathens as well as Christians that 't is not the length of Time but its improvement that doth really make a Long Life If I have anfwered the ends for which I were born 't is not too soon to dye No man ever miscarried as to his Everlasting Intrest because his Life was short but Evill He that is prepared for Death hath lived long enough and should thank God for a speedy call to the possession of that Felicity which the Holiest Saints on Earth desire and breath after Gideon lost nothing by returning from victory while the Sun was yet high If I have wrought but a few hours in the vineyard and done but a little service for my Lord and Master and yet am dismist and rewarded before the Rest of my Fellow Laborers shall I repine and think my Lord doth not be friend me If he hath any farther Service for me he will prolong my days and make me diligent I hope and contended Otherwise I pray he would make me ready to dye and make me willing and desirous to depart this Life For to be only content to dye that I may be perfectly Holy and fully Blessed is me thinks too low for a Christian who acts like himself believing the Certainty of his anowed Principles and Hopes and knowing that while we are present in the Body we are absent from the Lord. XVI The contemplation of our approaching change may assist us to mortifie the Lusts of the Flesh the Lust of the Eyes and the Pride of Life to cure Ambition and promote Contentment AL that is in the World saith the Apostle is the Lust of the Flesh the Lust of the Eyes and the Pride of Life The dust and ashes of our own mortality duely considered and applied will help to dead and extinguish each of thes By Pride of Life we lift up our selvs against Heaven and despise our Maker by the lust of the Flesh we overlove and indulge the body and study to gratifie the sensual Appetite by the lust of the Eyes our Desires are immoderate after Temporal and External Goods The thought of our approaching End hath a tendency to oppose and mortifie these Lusts to humble us before God to take us off from the inordinate love of the Body and to moderate our passions to Earthly Things It may help us against Pride by showing us the infinite distance between the Eternal self-sufficient God and such poor Dust as we who are but of yesterday and if he uphold us not and maintaine our souls in life shall be laid in the dust to morrow It will mind us of his Justice against Sin the Parent of Death and of all the miseries of our mortal state and convince us of our weakness to resist his will or avoid his wrath As to our fond affection to the Body it may instruct us that it deserves not to be so much accounted of it will open our eyes to discern the preference of our Immortall souls and what concerns them to the interest of a perishing Body It may convince us that we are cruel and unkind to our very bodies by overloving them because we thereby contribute to their Eternal sufferings and so teach us to love and use our bodies as Servants to our Souls in this world and as expecting to share in Glory with them after the Resurrection It may also help to moderate our desires after Earthly Good and so cure the Lust of the Eyes by letting us see the vanity uncertainty and short duration of these things and their insufficiency to make us Happy and give us true Content The Thoughts of an approaching change may if any thing will do it damp the mirth of the Luxurious Epicure and strike him into a fit of trembling as did Belshazzar's handwriting on the wall It may discover the distraction of living in pleasure and of care to please the senses and the fleshly appetite when the End is so near If may likewise check the folly of Ambitious Designs that men should make so much a doe to get into slippery places from whence they may so easily fall Where being puft up with vaine applause they forget themselvs and their latter end till their Life and Glory expire together Where are now the Great and Mighty and Honorable who have made such a noise in the world what is now the difference between the dust of an Alexander or Caesar and that of their meanest slaves or Captives Could their dignities and earthly Glory preserve any of them from the stroke of Death or the Judgment of God or without Repentance from his condemning Sentence Think o my Soul how little it will shortly signifie wither I have been known and honoured among men or no any farther then God may be glorified by it How should it suppress vaine Glory to think of being one day esteemed and worshipt reverenced and applauded by dying men and laid in the Grave the next Let me rather seek that Glory and Honour
to which Immortality is annext and labor to be accepted with God at whose Bar I must be judged endeavoring to keep the testimony of a good conscience and then it is not much wither I pass thro good Report or Evill Report no contempt or frowns or threatnings of men need then discourage me Tho I should be trampled on by the foot of Pride while others are happy in a dream for a little while and it may be have a prossperous passage to damnation I 'le rather thank God for delivering me from their Temptations and giving me the opportunity and call to hasten my Preparations for a Better World. Let God dispose of my Condition here and Reputation too as best shall please his Sovereign will only be pleased to keep me upright and to preserve me from Everlasting shame and confusion of Face after the general Resurrection and final Judgment vouchsafe me a portion now in thine approving love and own me for Thine at last in the Great and Terrible Day of Reckoning that then I may hear the Blessed Euge and enter into my Lords Joy XVII The same Argument considered farther as dissuasive from Worldliness and Earthly mindedness and as proper to confute the vanity of long Projects and great Designs for this World. ARe the years of my Life but few and they hastening to a Period and may this be my last Let me not then greedily covet riches and abundance and wast my little time to scrape together large Provisions for many years to come when I have no assurance to see the end of this Is it becoming such a belief to toyl from day to day that I may lay up that which I must so soon leave as if I were to spend and Eternity here on earth and in the mean while neglect the one thing Necessary Am I not upon the shore of Eternity may not the next tide carry me off and shall I spend my whole Life in Diversions from the maine Busines of it have I nothing els to doe but to gather shells if they were Pearls the absurdity were still the same and pile them upon heaps till I am snatcht away past all Recovery Shall I be regardless of an Eternal State and run the hazard of being undone for ever by sollicitous care about pretended Necessaries for a long abode on Earth Much less for superfluities when I am not certaine of the possession this one year Shall I magnifie and admire what is so soon to be parted with value my self upon thes things so as to despise those that have less and envy such as have more and suffer my mind to be distempered and my passions immoderate on every change of these things Tho I know besides my own mortality that to inforce the argument there is a principle of Corruption in all these things that our very Manna here in a little while will stink and Bread which is the staff of Life moulder our richest garments wax old and rot silver and gold rust and the greatest Beauty wither and every thing that is Earthly decay and perish And shall not this teach me to sit loose from all such Things Can I imagine that in my last hour it will be easier to part with much then little or better in the day of Judgment to have a great Estate to answer for then a lesser one We read concerning the Patriarch Abraham who rightly understood the transitory nature of riches and his own mutable Condition that the only purchase he made with his riches was a Grave choosing to take possession of the land promised him rather by a mark of his parting with it then of his Possessing it Did I think oftner and more seriously o my Soul of tarrying here but a littte while I should more easily be persuaded that a little of this world were sufficient to carry me thro it I should consider more that my Heavenborn soul is made and designed for another an endless World and therefore should not so far forget his own People and Fathers house as eagerly to pursue and seek what is suited only to the Body for a little while and whereof a little with Contentment will be sufficient The same Reflexion may be usefull to contract our Thoughts to present duty that we may not perplex our minds with long designs and projects which if we dye this year will come to nothing Our great Business in this world is adapted to the little portion of Time which is allowed us Not that good Designs for the publick Benefit may not be begun by one and finisht by others or that we are not obliged prudently to provide for those who shall come after us by attempting many Things of probable Advantage to Posterity But considering the shortness and uncertainty of Life not only should the most necessary Things be first minded and not put off by prosecuting such designs as may signifie some what to others when we are dead but we should not now omit that which we may hope to compass ourselvs to begin such things whose accomplishment must depend on the Pleasure of our successors Consideration and faithfull Counsell would in this case have prevented the fruitless expence of many mens Time and Money which if otherwise imployed might have turned to good account to themselves and others And this heightens our folly that while we pursue great projects in reference to this world and dye without effecting them our preparations for Eternity are neglected and so we are suddenly cut off in the midst of our Folly and all our Thoughts perish how easily how soon may they do so the difference and distance between Death and Life being no more then that of a Candle lighted from its being blown out and if it is exposed to all winds how quickly may that Happen XVIII The consideration of the certaine near Approach of an Everlasting State amplifi'd and prest to in force an Holy Life IN this world we begin a Year and quickly come to the end of it and ere long the little number of our years and days will be expired But when death conveys us into the World of Spirits the day of Eternity shall never be closed with an Evening Of how fearfull consequence is that Death by which an Eternity must be decided What attention what seriousness what diligence what care doth the decision of so important a matter call for ETERNAL what will be the next word o my soul how much am I concerned to know it will it be Blessedness or Misery will it be Life or Death This one word is the Joy of Angels and the Horror of Devils the unspeakable Delight of blessed Saints and the confusion and Despair of condemned Sinners At the Creation of the World Time got the start of us and was five days elder then we but our Immortal Souls shall indure beyond the utmost limits of Time and last as long as the Everlasting Father of Spirits of whose duration there is no end Shall I then
Thank fullness shall Believers then contemplate the unskearchable Riches of his Grace in all the parts and instances of his Humiliation from his conception to his Crucifixion and Burial in all the Evidences and discoveries made of it from the first Promise to it's completion yea from before the foundation of the World in the Covenant of Peace between the Father and the son untill his second Coming to Judge the World and deliver up the Kingdom to his Father How shall we then admire and adore his Powerfull Grace which snatcht us as fire brands out of Everlasting Burnings that effectually shin'd into our minds by Heavenly Light conquer'd the opposition of our Stubborn Wills Sanctified our Carnal Hearts rescued us from the tyranny of Satan and the dominion of lust giving cherishing and preserving the holy Seed of Grace and making it Spring up to Eternal Life defeating the malicious and subtle endeavors of the Devil to destroy it inabling us to indure Tribulation and persevere to the End giving us victory over Death conducting us thro the dark valley raiising our Bodies reviving and reuniting them to our Souls and rendring them glorious like his own Body and at length raising our imperfect Services with Eternal Life yea tho our best services were mixt with sin our holyest duties spotted our most couragious sufferings mixt with unbelief yet rewarded with a Blessedness that hath no alloy of Evil but all the ingredients of a perfect Felicity and nothing to lessen and interrupt it How shall we then admire the Bounty of our Gracious Lord the freeness tenderness riches and the exceeding Greatness and Glory of his Infinite Goodness and Grace to poor Believers With what extasies of Joy and Gratitude may we imagine that our Lord will be then admired by all his Redecmed ones Saying This is He who made our peace with God and reverst the Sentence of Damnation which we were under who bought us with the price of his most precious Bloud bore the Wrath of his Father and submitted to an infamous and cursed Death for us he assumed our nature that we might pertake of his became the Son of Men that we might be made the Children of God for our sakes he became poor that we thro his Poverty might beeome Rieh stoopt to bear the greatest Ignominy and reproach to conferr honour on us was for a time forsaken of his Father that we might not be so Eternally felt the stroke of his Anger against sin that we might not perish under it Was a man of sorrows and acquainted with griefs that we might rejoyce his agonies and bloudy sweat were for our Refreshment and by his stripes we are healed he bowed his head on the Crosse that we might lift up ours in Triumph and because we had eaten of the forbidden fruit he hung on the accursed Tree 'T was for us that he suffered the frowns of Heaven the enmity of Hell the rage of Devils the hatred and persecution of the world He was judged that we might not come into Condemnation he was crucifyed that we might be glorified and he is now Come againe finally and fully to effect it O the height and depth and length and breath of the Love of Christ which passeth knowledg but calls for admiration and Everlasting Gratitude This is the Blessed Day we long'd and waited and prayed for This is our Gracious our Glorious Lord whose love melted our Hearts whose Promise was our Support whose Word was our Rule whose Spirit was our Comforter whose Crosse was our Crown and the hope of his Appearance our chief Consolation Lord what am I what was I that the ever Blessed Son of God should do and suffer and purchase all this for me I can remember when I was ignorant of God a Stranger to him at Enmity with him under the power of Darkness and the Devil serving divers lusts and Pleasures hastening to Hell and liable to his Wrath. But he chose me out of the world stampt his Image upon me pardoned my Sin and imbrac't me in the arms of his unchangeaâ—â—â— Love. O Happy Change aâ—â— yet how little did I prize his Grace admire his love and express my own or pomote his glory and honour him in the Eyes of others how did I dishonor my profession and holy Calling as his Disciple by agravated Apostacy but he recovered me by Repentance and healed my Backslidings and received me graciously because he loved me freely O admirable Grace to pardon and save and bring to Glory such an unthankfull Wretch as I have been to make such a difference between me and others whom I knew on earth that the same Power which makes them Miserable now makes me Blessed that when they are banisht from his Presence into Everlasting Destruction I am admitted to behold his Glory and shall dwell with him for ever O how much â—â—â—e do I now see and find then ever I believed of the Love of Christ and his promised Salvation how much more glorious is the Person of my Redeemer how much more Excellent is the Heavenly State then ever I thought or expected I could not have imagined the thousandth thousandth part of that which I now see and feel I cannot but admire and spend an Eternity in admiring and praising the Incomparable Grace and Glory of my Blessed Redeemer Such holy admiration will certainly produce the most thankfull Adorations of our Lord Jesus Saying one to another I Bless the Lord of Love and Glory who humbled himself so low as our Mediator and hath exalted us so high as the blessed fruit of it how can we ever enough adore and praise him who condescended so far and hath done and sufferd so much for us See how the Holy Angels worship this King of Glory and have not every one of us more reason to do so O let all the Quire of Heaven celebrate his glorious Love and let us his Redeemed his Glorified ones say continually Let the Lord be magnified who hath loved us and washed us from our sins in his own Bloud and made us Kings and Priests unto God his Father and thro him ours O Mercifull Saviour O glorious Change O Happy Society with whom we shall Eternally adore our Common Lord. We can some of us remember when we lived together on Earth how we wept and praid and fasted and mourned together when we suffered and complain'd and sin'd together O the Marvellous change our Redeemer hath now wrought for us and in us These Bodies these Souls this Life this Place this Company these Injoyments are not like those in yonder World. But alas who can describe what Believers shall then think and say to extol their Saviour how smal a portion is it we understand of that World How little can I conceive and much less express Blessed be God we know so much as the matter of our joyfull Hopes and forever Blessed be God who hath promised and provided such a Glory for us as cannot now be fully known
Falls and become stronger by the discovery of your weakness and better establisht for the future But take heed that you pervert not the Grace of God and encourage your self to sin againe by the supposition that if you should Fall 't is but to Repent and renew your Resolutions and all will be well This is a subtle Artifice of Satan but such methinks as should take with none who have ever known by Experience what it is to Repent Luke 23. c. 30 17. â—â— 2. Who have felt the burden of Sin to be heavier then a Millstone then the weight of a Mountaine Who have tasted how evill and bitter a thing it is to depart from God. Who have loathed and abhorr'd themselves with deep Remorse and sorrow and Anguish of Spirit wishing with all their Hearts that they had not sinn'd and if it were in their power would give all the world to retrieve it and would rather dye then commit that Folly again they then repented of Let those who have not their own Experience to confirm this read over and consider the case of David when he wrote the Penitential Psalms How many like him have roar'd and cryed out under the sence of sin of stings and furies in their Conscience of the poison'd Arrows surrounding them wherever they went from the weight of sins Malignity the apprehensions of God's Anger and the consequent Fears of his Wrath. Serious Repentance after great Transgressions is another Thing then most imagine it When their aggravated Sins shall besett them behind and before be placed in order before their eyes and set in array against them 'T is allways a work of Difficulty as well as Importance to crucifie corrupt affections to tear a beloved Lust from the Heart with self-indignation to abhorr and cast away what before you lou'd and delighted in How did David's sin stare him in the Face it is continually with me it is ever before me saith He. It haunted him like a Spectre or like Belshazar's handwriting on the wall it still appear'd before him in some horrid shape How ever Sin may smile in its first address and bespeak us in flattering language and promise Pleasure and Profit and great Advantages and Satisfaction These are but fair Appearances This is but the outside of the Cup and the colour of the Liquor it will prove Gall and Wormwood and a mixture of deadly Poison if ever God set it home upon the Conscience and awaken us to a true sence of it And the Continuance of dayly Repentance for Sin Which all Christians are called to is no such easy matter neither Constant self-abasement and Humiliation before God from a sence of his Majesty and Holiness and of our many Sins and pollution therby the imperfection of our best duties continually to be bewailed inordinate affections to be still mortified always resisting and opposing Sin in its Root and branches conflicting against the whole Intrest of the Flesh the world and the Devil seeking after more Holiness to be deriv'd unto us by the Grace of Christ to be wrought in us by his Spirit and maintain'd by his power and making dayly applications to the Fountaine of all Grace for spiritual strength to continue our warfare against Sin in all Instances of outward duty and inward Actings of Grace even as long as we live all this is included in it Due Apprehensions concerning Repentance would teach us to beware of Sin. XXVII The necessity of Christian Resolution to Vpright Persevering Obedience how Full and extensive it ought to be and yet Humble By what means we may be assisted to perform that which we Resolve HAving acknowledg'd my Transgressions unto God and beg'd forgiveness and experimentally learnt the Evil of Sin by the bitterness of Repentance I resolve for the future to watch against it more narowly and against every thing that leads to it endeavoring to please and honour my God and Saviour by an upright obedient Heart and Life And for the Remission of my former contracted Guilt I trust to J. Christ according to the Revelation made in the Gospell of what he is hath done and suffer'd and continues to do in Heaven for the salvation of Repenting Sinners who desire to come unto God by Him. But how often o my Soul have I mockt God and deceiv'd my self with formal and faint Purposes of amendment my good Resolutions have been all of them as the morning cloud and the Early dew which quickly passed away One fresh assault of Temptation hath swept away all my good Purposes as a spiders web I have falsified so many and broke my word so often that I dare not trust to any thing I now resolve or rely on any promise I should farther make Succor me therfore o Lord by thy Powerfull Grace that what was defective in my former fruitless Resolutions may be now rectified Let me be more Humble in the sense of my weakness more dependant on thy Grace and more heartily seek it from time to time Strengthen me with Strength in my Soul with might and power in my inward man that I may so resolve and purpose as to perform that I may not be one day hot and the next cold zealous in the Beginning but faint and lukewarm in the Progress fervent and serious only in Resolving but weak and impotent in the Execution Having chang ' my Master my End and my Hopes by returning unto God from whom I had gone astray I firmly resolve thro the assistance of his Grace to change my course of Life That old things being done away all things may become new that being made free from Sin by pardoning Mercy Rom. 6. c. 22. and become the servant of Christ I may have my fruit unto Holiness that my End may be Eternal Life In the interim wither I live or dye let it be unto the Lord resolving both in Life and Death to be absolutely His. And to that purpose O my Soul let me seek for continual supplies of Grace from Christ my Head to inable me to yeild ready obedience in the most difficult hazardous painfull and humbling duties In vaine do I resolue it without the assistance of his mighty Power to strengthen my Heart and hands when ever I am called to such a Trial of my sincerity Without it I shall never recover my Liberty or break a sunder those bonds and cords wherwith I have formerly been held Captive as the Servant of Sin and Satan such is the weakness and treachery of of my own Heart the influence of ill Examples and the subtlety and cunning of the Tempter that otherwise I shall quickly change my mind and return to Folly as the Dog to his vomit The Spirit is so weak and the Flesh so frail the snares of the World so many the power of remaining Corruption so strong and of my self I am so unsetled and wavering fickle and unsteady and prone to Backsliding that all my strongest Purposes will not be sufficient without dayly
persuade to be of my mind will serve the Lord. I intend desire and hope never willfully to violate the Faith I have now plighted in the presence of God but to continue stedfast unmoveable all was abounding in the work of the Lord c. Should I undertake any new Imployment or enter into any new Condition or change the place of my Abode where I might see more of God's dishonour and meet with more and stronger Temptations to Sin and be called to the performance of more difficult duties greater Watchfullness and self denial c. I would hope hereby to ingage the presence of God with me and his Blessing on all my Affaires on which depends the success of all that I undertake and would hope the better to preserve my Integrity not only This Year but in all the remaining portion of my Time by the abiding sense of my Covenant with God thus seriously renewed This is the method I have been often advis'd to for Peace of Conscience under doubts and scruples concerning my spiritual State to put the matter out of doubt by againe accepting the offered mercy and Grace of the Gospell and heartily consenting to the new Covenant giving up my self to God in Christ to be ruled and saved by him Blessed be God I have now done so Lord say Amen to thy part of the Covenant that Thou art and wilt be my God as I desire unfeignedly to do to mine that I will be thy Servant But because Articles are sooner consented to then made Good tho I seriously intend never to disown this my solemn Act and Deed but firmly to adhere to it as long as I live that having sworn I will endeavor to perform it that this shall be my Everlasting Choice never to be recanted or alter'd yet considering the sad Instances of my former weakness and the vigilance and subtle malice of my Great Adversary I againe implore the succor of divine Grace to keep it for ever in the purpose of my Heart that it may be as the Laws of the Medes and Persians never to be reverst I have given up my name to be Thine O put thy Fear into my Heart that I may never depart from Thee Imprint thy Laws upon my Heart that my obedience may be uniform and universal unwavering and perpetual suitable 〈◊〉 so honourable and near a Relation to Thee I am sensible I want Wisdom and Strength to that purpose but thou hast bid me ask it of Thee who givest liberally to All without desert and upbraâ—â—est not with present unworthiness or former faults O lead me not into Temptatien but deliver me from Evill Stand by and strengthen me in the Hour of Trial least I forget my vows and deny Thee O that my Soul may never draw back least Thine have no Pleasure in me I can serve no better Master O let mine Ears be bored to the door of thine house as the Token and Assurance of my being thy Servant unto Death I know 't is my Duty I am sensible 't is my Priviliedge and Honour I am convin'd that 't is my Interest and Felicity my Soul my Life my present and everlasting Well-fare and All depends upon it that thou shouldst be my God for ever O conduct me by thy H. Spirit of Grace that I may walk and Act as having heartily consented he should be so and direct my Heart into thy Love and the faithfull keeping of thy Commandments That when so many Professors make shipwrack of Faith and a Good Conscience and discredit the Religion of my Lord by their shamefull Falls thou mayst make me to stand and improve the warning of their Examples to walk humbly and while I stand to take heed least I fall Having thus surrendred my self to God what is there o my Soul that is ever like to prevail with me to goe back and revolt from him Is the gratification of a Lust the securing of an Estate compliance with a Friend the pleasing of a Superior living in Ease and Honour and outward Prosperity for a little while the saving my Body from suffering or my Life from violence or what ever els be the Motive of my ufaithfullness to God and Apostacy from Him Is Any is All of these any way considerable compared with the Blessedness of having God to be my God. For therby I have the forgiveness of all my Sins and the Assurance of his Favor the certainty of present Protection and Provision all Creatures reconciled to me and to be imployed for my Good as the Friend of God All things to work together for my Advantage and by the evidence of my Adoption a well grounded hope of Eternal Life God as my Sun and Shield will give Grace and Glory and with hold no Good Thing So unspeakably Comprehensive are the Priviliedges of so near a Relation to God in Christ O happy are the People who are in such a case Blessed are the Persons whose God is the Lord. Doe I resolve to abide by my Choice and to trust in Christ for persevering Grace and shall I not ought I not to take Comfort in it Shall I not give God the Glory of his infinite Goodness by adhering to him and rejoycing in him notwithstanding all Temptations to the Contrary Casting all my care upon him and quieting my self in the All-sufficiency of my Heavenly Father having a God in Covenant who will supply all my wants and take care of me as his Own. Shall I not give him the glory of his Truth and Power by trusting him in every Condition by confidence in his Promise Dependance on his Word Faithfullness to his Interest and Constancy in his Service to the end Is it not a most encouraging Thought that God doth never Abandon any who do not first forsake him And after such strict Engagements as I have laid upon my self shall I ever strike the fatal stroke with my own Hand shall I be off and on say and unsay promise and retract and after I have proceeded thus far shall I forsake the Fountaine of Living Waters and turn againe to broken Cisterns After I have examin'd my self considerd my ways confest my Sins and upon serious Deliberation am come to a Resolve and in pursuance of it have devoted my self with such solemnity to be the Lords shall I ever after this forsake Him my own Mercies and lightly esteem the Rock of my Salvation Now I have learn'd in some mensure what Sin is by the sorrows and anguish of an Hearty Repentance now I have discoverd so much of the Snares and Devices of Satan wherby I have formerly been betraid now I am sensible of the dangerous and powerfull influence and Infection of bad Company the Treachery of fleshly Lusts the bewitching Temptations of the World and have tasted a little by my own Experience of the Pleasantness of Wisdoms Paths the Peace and satisfaction of Devotedness to God by the present Rewards of a calm Conscience the communications of divine Grace and