or later infallibly come and never finally deceive our Expectations and therefore the fore-thoughts of it are an imployment which may prove we know not how soon of use and will however prove of excellent Advantage The frequent Meditation of the end of our Lives conducing so much to make us lead them well that the expectation of Death brings not less Advantages to those that scape the Grave than to those that descend into it Such like considerations Sophronia having put me upon the thoughts of Death I presume you may have some Curiosity to know what these Thoughts were and therefore though I have neither Fitness nor Inclination to mention to you those that almost every Sober person would have upon a Death-Bed as a Man and as a Christian I will only take notice to you of those few that were suggested to me by the less general Circumstances of my condition And I am the more willing to satisfie you Curiosity now because I have my self been very inquisitive on the like occasion For the approach of Death will if any thing can make Men serious and considerate being for good and all to go off the Stage they make a truer and sincerer Judgment of the World they are ready to leave and then have not the wonted Partiality for the pleasures and profits of a Life they are now abandoning And as the Mind looks with other Eyes upon the World when Death is ready to shut those of the Body so Men are then wont as well to speak their Thoughts more franckly as to have them better grounded Death stripping most Men of their Dissimulation as well as of other things it makes them part with and indeed it is then high time for the Soul to put off her Disguises when she is ready to put off the very Body it self One thing then that I was considering Sophronia was in how wretched a condition I should now be if I had been of the same Mind with the generality of those who are of the same Age with me For these presume That Youth is as well made for Pleasures as capable of them and is not more a Temptation to Vanity than an Excuse for it They imagine themselves to do a great Matter if whilst Youth lasts they do so much as resolve to grow better when it is gone and they think That for a Man to be otherwise than Intentionally Religious before his Hair begin to change Colour were not only to lose the priviledges of Youth but to incroach upon those of old Age. But alas How few are Destroy'd by that incurable Disease in comparison to those that Dye before they attain it And how little comfort is it upon a Death Bed to think that by the course of Nature a Man might have Lived longer when that very Thought might justly prove Dismal to an unprepar'd Man by suggesting to him that this early Death may argue the Measure of his Iniquities exceeding great and that this untimely End is not so much a Debt due to Nature as a Punishment of Sin All the fruition of these deluding Pleasures of Sin cannot countervail the Horrour that a Dying Man's Review of them will create who not only sees himself upon the point of leaving them for ever but of suffering for them as long And on the contrary the Review of Youthfull pleasures declin'd for Virtue 's or Religion's sake will afford a Dying Man far higher Joys than their Fruition would ever have afforded him MEDITATION XII Upon the same Subject ANd one thing more there is Sophronia that I dare not conceal from you how much cause soever I have to blush at the disclosing it And it is That I judge quite otherwise of a competent preparation for Death now I am near it than I did when I was in health And therefore if one that since his Conscience was first thorowly awakened still resolv'd to be a Christian and though he too often broke those good Resolutions never renounc'd them but tripp'd and stumbled in the way to Heaven without quitting his purpose of continuing in it finds a formidableness in the approach of Death How uncomfortable must that approach be to those that have still run on in the ways of Sin without once so much as seriously intending to forsake them A Youth free from Scandal and sometimes productive of Practices that were somewhat more than Negative piety is not so frequent among those that want not opportunities to enjoy the Vanities and Pleasures of the World but that the Charity of other being seconded by that great inward flatterer Self-love made me imagine that I was in a Condition fitter to wish for Death than to fear it But now I come to look on Death near at hand and see beyond the Grave that is just under me that bottomless Gulf of Eternity me-thinks it is a very hard thing to be sufficiently prepar'd for a Change that will transmit us to the Barr of an Omniscient Judge to be there Doom'd to an endless state of infinite Happiness or Misery There is no Art of Memory like a Death-Bed's Review of ones Life Sickness and a nearer Prospect of Death often makes a Man remember those Actions wherein Youth and Jollity made him forget his Duty and those frivolous Arguments which when he was in Health and free from Danger were able to excuse him to his own indulgent Thoughts he himself will scarce now think Valid enough to excuse him unto God before whom if the sinless Angels cover their Faces sinfull Mortals may justly tremble to be brought to appear VVhen the approach of Death makes the Bodily eyes grow Dim those of the Conscience are enabled to discern That as to many of the Pleas we formerly acquiesc'd in it was the prevalence of our Senses that made us think them Reason And none of that Jolly company whose examples prevail'd with us to joyn with them in a course of Vanity will stand by us at the Barr to excuse the Actions they tempted us to And if they were there they would be so far from being able to justifie us that they would be condemn'd themselves 'T is true Sophronia if we consider Death only as the conclusion of Life and a Debt all Men sooner or later pay to Nature not only a Christian but a Man may entertain it without Horrour But if one consider it as a change That after having left his Body to rot in the Grave will bring his Soul to the Tribunal of God to answer the miscarriages of his whole past Life and receive there an unalterable Sentence that will Doom him to endless and unconceivable Joys or everlasting and inexpressible Torments I think 't is not inconsistent either with Piety or Courage to look upon so great a change with something of Commotion And many that would not fear to be put out of the VVorld will apprehend to be let into Eternity MEDITATION XIII A further Continuation ANother thing Sophronia which my present state suggested to
that lov'd his Church so well as to give Himself for it who declares that as many as He loves He rebukes and chastens And this is so fitly applicable also to particular Believers that the Divine Son of the great 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 do's not onely give us cause to think that Afflictions do not suppose God's Hate but to hope that they may not always suppose Man's Guilt but sometimes rather aim at his Improvement since they are the memorable words of our Saviour speaking of his Father Every branch in me that beareth not Fruit he taketh away and every Branch that beareth Fruit he purgeth it that it may bring forth more Fruit. And it may somewhat illustrate the Similitude to add that the Husbandman uses onely to prune the Trees of his Garden not those that grow wild in his Woods But though he oftner wound these yet he wounds the other more fatally imploying but the pruning Hook to pare off the superfluous Twiggs or at most Branches of the one whil'st he lays the Ax to the root of the other to fell the Tree it self But these are not the onely Thoughts which the pruning of a Fruit-tree may suggest to our Reflector For if he considers That by cutting off several of the parts of the Tree and by Nailing many of the rest to the Wall the Gardener do's not onely secure the Tree from being blown down or torn by the rudeneness of boisterous Winds but makes it look well shap'd So the Divine Husbandman as we have lately seen God stil'd in the Scripture by the wise and seasonable though seemingly rigorous and usually unwelcome Culture he imploys upon those Children of his whom he afflicts do's not onely protect them from several dangers whereto without those harsh restraints they would be expos'd but as he makes them amends in point of Safety for what he denies them in point of Liberty so he adorns them by VVounding them His kind and skilful stroaks adding as much to the Beauty of a Christian's Mind as they cut away from the Superfluities of his Fortune For the pressures of Affliction do give so much smoothness and gloss to the Soul that bears them patiently and resign'dly that the Heathen Moralist ventur'd to say That if there were any Spectacle here below noble enough and worthy to entertain the Eyes of God it was that of a Good Man generously contending with ill Fortune And the Hyperbole though after this manner somewhat loftily expressed will appear the less strange to him that considers That Job had not onely his Patience when it had been tried to the uttermost crown'd with a Fortune double to that which had been the fairest in the East but before his constancy was tried near so far receiv'd that much higher recompence of an Honour never vouchsaf'd to Mortals until then when God himself did not onely approve but if I may so speak with reverence make his boast of a Man Hast thou consider'd says he to Man 's great Enemy my Servant Job that there is none like him in the Earth a perfect and an upright Man one that feareth God and escheweth Evil and still he holdeth fast his Integrity although thou moved'st me against him to destroy him without cause Sure one may call him more than happy Job since if as David tells us the Man is happy whose sins God is pleas'd to cover what may that Man be accounted whose Graces he vouchsafes to proclaim CHAP. IV. ANd as the consideration of the pruning of Trees under the Notion of that which wounds them may afford our Contemplator the Reflections already pointed at so the considering of the same Action under another Notion may lead him to Reflections of another Nature For if he observes that in certain cases Gardeners oftentimes do not onely prune away all the Suckers and many of the Luxuriant sprigs but cut off some of the Branches themselves provided they spare the Master boughs and yet these Amputations though they take much from the Tree are design'd to add to the Fruit as accordingly they are wont to do If I say our Reflector takes notice of this it may easily supply him with an illustration of what he may have observ'd among some Men who by Afflictions ev'n in point of Fortune are brought to be far more charitable than they would have been if their peace and plenty had continued unimpair'd As besides that Saint Paul speaking of the Macedonian Churches gives them this Character That in a great trial of Affliction the abundance of their Joy and their deep Poverty abounded unto the Riches of their Liberality We have in Zacheus a memorable Instance to our present purpose since after his Repentance had by his own consent cut off from his Estate more than all that Slander Oppression and other unjust ways of Getting which us'd to bring in but too great a part of a Publican's had added to it he gave away more out of the Remainder of his Estate than every liberal Man would have done out of the Whole His Wealth like a skilfully prun'd Tree bore the more Fruit to Piety for having had some parts of it cut away he grew Rich in good works by being despoil'd and his Charity increas'd as much as his Fortune was lessen'd If towards the end of the Spring our Reflector see the Ground under his Tree strowed with the Blossoms that Time and Winds may have cast down thence 't is like it would furnish him with this consideration That as though the Blossoms are in themselves great Ornaments to a Tree and oftentimes both useful and pleasant things yet to be seasonably depriv'd of them is not a mischief to the Tree that loses them since till the Blossoms are gone the Fruit which is a better and more lasting thing and more principally intended by Nature cannot be had So it will not always follow that because certain things are in their kind desirable and therefore may be reckoned among Goods the loss or depravation of them must necessarily be an Evil. And so though a fair and healthy Body may be look'd upon as a Blessing yet it will not follow that a Death as the Scripture speaks either in or for the Lord because it throws this flourishing Body to the Ground and makes it rot there must needs be a deplorable Evil since as the Blossoms falling off is according to the course of Nature necessarily praevious to the formation or at least the perfection of the Fruit So the being depriv'd of this Life is according to God's Ordination a necessary Antecedent to our being inrich'd with those more solid and durable blessings of perfect Virtue and Happiness And if whil'st our Contemplator's Tree is adorn'd with Leaves as well as Blossoms as we often see several of the former come before all the latter are gone he chance to take notice how busie the Bees are in sucking these whil'st they leave the others untouch'd he
surest course to take away the uneasie Symptom by removing that which Foments the cause Thus when the Mind is distemper'd with turbulent Commotions and the disquieted Appetite does too restlessly and eagerly crave Objects which though perhaps in themselves not absolutely Bad are at least made by a Conjunction of Circumstances unfit and dangerous for the Person that longs for them VVe like unskilfull or unruly Patients fondly imagine that the only way to appease our Desires is to grant them the Objects they so Passionately tend to But the wise and soveraign Physitian of Souls who considers not so much what we do wish as what we should wish often discerns that this praeternatural Thirst indicates and calls for a Lancet rather than a Julep and knows it best to attempt the Cure rather by taking away somewhat that we have than by giving us that which only a Spiritual superfluity reduces us to want And in effect we often see that as a few Ounces of Blood taken away in a Feaver does cool the Patient more than the giving him ten times as much Drink would do so a few Afflictions by partly letting out and partly moderating our corrupt Affections do more compose and appease a Mind molested with inordinate Appetites than the Possession of a great many of the Objects we impotently desire VVhilst our Appetites are roving and unreasonable and insatiate the obtaining of this or that particular Object does but amuse the Patient not take away the Disease whereas seasonable and sanctify'd Crosses that teach us to know our selves and make us sensible how little we deserve and how little the things we are so Greedy of could make us happy if obtain'd may reduce us to a Resignation and Tranquility of Mind preferrable to those over-valu'd things which as it keeps us from enjoying so it keeps us from needing Thus Zacheus who whilst a Publican never thought he had enough when he had once entertain'd our Saviour though he offer'd to make a quadruple Restitution of what ever he had fraudulently acquir'd was upon a sudden by being freed from Avarice grown so Rich that he was forward to give no less than half he had to the Poor as if his Divine Guest had wrought upon his Goods such Miracles as he had done upon the five Loaves and two Fishes of which the Remains amounted to more than the whole Provision was at first MEDITATION V. Upon the Taking of Physick THe last bitter Potion that I took Sophronia was I remember sweetned with the hopes were given me with it that it might prove the last I should need to take and would procure me a setled and durable Health But I find by sad Experience That the benefit I deriv'd from it is nothing near so lasting as it was welcome for I am now reduc'd to take Physick agen and I fear must often do so before I shall be able to dislodge this troublesome Ague that haunts me For though the last Physick I took wrought so well that I hop'd it had brought away not only the ill Humours themselves but the very sources of them yet by the effect of what I took this Morning I not only find there is as much to be purged away now as there was then but what is sadder I can scarce hope this Physick will excuse me from the need of taking more again ere long But though 't is a troublesome thing and must be often repeated yet 't is a salutary thing too and cannot be more unpleasant than 't is usefull and as Loathsome as it is a Sickness were far worse Thus when a relenting Sinner has endeavour'd to wash away his Sins with his Tears he may possibly think himself so throughly wash'd in that abstersive Brine which yet owes its cleansing Virtue not to its own Nature but to the Blood of Christ that if he be a new Convert and be entertain'd with those Ravishing delights wherewith God is often pleas'd to engage such returning Prodigals as the Kind Father welcom'd his Riotous Son with Feasting and with Musick that he is apt to fancy Repentance to be like Baptism which being receiv'd once for a Man 's whole Life needs never be renewed But though during such transports an unexperienc'd Convert may be apt to cast the Gauntlet to the VVorld saying in his Spiritual prosperity that he shall never be mov'd yet as our Saviour speaks The Spirit indeed is willing but the Flesh is weak and too commonly our Resolutions flagg with our Joys and those that a while before imagin'd they despis'd the World find themselves Worsted if not Captivated by it and find it far more difficult than they thought it to Live in the Company of Sinners without being of their Number and in so defil'd a World without being spotted by it And as the same David who said in his Prosperity he should never be mov'd said in his Distress he should one Day perish by the hand of Saul So many of those that whilst their Tears of Repentance and of Joy are not yet dry'd off their Eyes are apt to defie and contemn all the Ghostly enemies and difficulties that oppose their present zealous Resolutions will perhaps in a while after when they meet with unexpected Impediments and Foyls change their confidence into despair and think those very Enemies whom they lately look'd on as Despicable to be Insuperable But as Physick that does good for a time ought not to be rejected because it does good but for a time nor should we reject the only sure means of our present Recovery for fear of future Relapses so though we sadly find that Repentance must be repeated and that after we have practis'd it often we must have need of it agen yet since 't is the only proper means to recover a Soul out of a state of Sin which is worse than any Disease and leads to the worst of Deaths we must never suffer our selves to be so far Discouraged as to forgo so necessary and so profitable a Duty and must not more frequently Relapse into faults than renew our Sorrow for them and our Resolves against them For Innocence indeed is far more desirable than Repentance as Health is than Physick But as Physick is more Eligible than the continuance of Sickness so is Repentance more Eligible than continuing in the state of Sin And as the Drinking ev'n of a bitter Potion is a less Evil than the heat and thirst and restlesness of an Ague so to lament for Sin here is a far less uneasie thing than to do it in a place where there is nothing but remediless VVailing and Gnashing of Teeth 'T is true that our Souls are in this too like our Bodies that our whole Lives are spent betwixt Purging away of naughty Humours and accumulating them And me-thinks I hear the Flesh still saying unto the Spirit as Ruth did to Naomi The Lord do so to me and more also if ought but Death part thee and me Ruth 1. 14. But
although there are Defilements which though often wash'd off will as often come again to blemish us and though the Deeds of the Body will scarce all of them perfectly be put to Death but with the Body it self yet next to an uninterrupted state of Health frequent and early Recoveries are desirable And though the shamefull necessity of needing to beg many pardons for the same fault may justly make an ingenious Christian cry out with Saint Paul O! Wretched Man that I am who shall deliver me from the Body of this Death yet the same sense of his own frailty that puts this Exclamation into his Mouth may comfort his Heart by its being a pledge that he shall one Day be able Exultingly to say with the same Apostle in another place Thanks be to God which giveth us the Victory through our Lord Jesus Christ 1 Cor. 15. 57. MEDITATION VI. Upon the Sirrups and other sweet things sent him by the Doctor THis complaisant Physitian Sophronia is you see very sollicitous that his Remedies should as well gratifie the Patient as oppose the Disease And besides that this Julip is ting'd with Sirrup of Clove-gilly-flowers that it may at once delight the Palate and the Eye some of these other Remedies are sweetned with as much Sugar as if they came not from an Apothecaries Shop but a Confectioners But my Mouth is too much out of Taste to rellish any thing that passes through it and though my Sickness makes this Flattering of the Palate almost necessary to the rendring these Medicines takable by me yet upon the account of the same Distemper all that the Doctor 's tenderness and skil could do to make them Pleasant can at most but keep them from being Loathsome And therefore you will easily believe Sophronia that I enjoy these sweet things upon a score that if it does Imbitter them does at least as to me deprive them of their Nature So that he that for the sake of these Sirrups and Electuaries should notwithstanding the Malady that needs them envy me might be suspected to be troubled with a worse Disease than an Ague is a Frensie Thus there are many Favourites of Fortune whose seeming Enjoyments may perchance be Envy'd by those that do but Gaze on their Condition whilst 't is rather pitty'd by those that know it To be brought by Greatness of Power or Riches and Effeminacy of Mind to that pass that they seldome hear any thing but their own Praises ev'n when their Actions merit Reprehension and that they can rellish nothing that is not sweetned with so much of Flattery as quite to disguise and perhaps pervert its Nature These as I was going to say and such other unhappy Priviledges are things which whatever Fools may think will not recommend Greatness to a considering Man and are far more fit to procure the Possessour's ruine than wise Men's envy And besides that a vain and impotent Soul is by those disquieting Qualities molested with greater Distempers than those Gratifications can make amends for and which often hinder the full Rellishing of these or any other Pleasure The delight these treacherous Delicacies afford is so much less considerable than the Weakness they suppose that 't is far more Eligible to be without them than to need them MEDITATION VII Upon the want of Sleep AH Dear Sophronia in spight of all the care and officiousness of those diligent Attendants that you were pleas'd to send to watch with me I have Slept all Night as little as I do now or as I shall desire to do whilst you stay here This unwelcome leisure brought me as much a Necessity as an Opportunity to spend the time in entertaining my Thoughts which on this occasion were almost as Various and seem'd too as Wild as if I had Slept my Dreams themselves would have been And therefore I presume you will not wonder if I can now recall but few of them and if the rest be as easily Vanish'd out of my Memory as they came abruptly into my Mind The first Thought that I remember entertain'd me was that which was the most naturally suggested by the condition I was in For when I found how tedious and wearisome each hour was and observ'd how long a time seem'd to intervene betwixt the several Divisions that the striking of the Clock made of a Night that must at this time of the Year be much shorter than the Day I could not but consider how insupportable their condition must be to be cast into outer Darkness where tormented Wretches lye not as I do upon a soft Bed but upon Fire and Brimstone where no attendance of Servants or kindness of Friends is allow'd them that need it as much as they deserve it little and which is worst of all where no Beam of hope is permitted to Consolate them as if the Day should Dawn after so Dismal a Night though protracted to Millions of Ages each of whose miserable hours appears an Age. The next thing I was considering was How defective we are in point of Gratitude to God I now Blush that I cannot call to Mind the time when I ever thought that his having vouchsaf'd me the power of Sleeping deserv'd a particular Acknowledgment But now I begin to see that 't is our Heedlesness not their Uselesness that keeps us from daily being thankfull for a multitude of Mercies that we take no notice of Though it be injurious That that only commonness that heightens the Benefit should keep us from being sensible of the Greatness of it I confess I was very lately one of them who look'd upon Sleep as one of those inconveniencies of humane Nature that merit a Consolation and I very little apprehended that I should ever complain of the want of Sleep as of a Grievance the necessity of it being what I always look'd upon under that Notion But I now perceive he was a Wise man who said That God made every thing Beautifull in its Season And yet when I consider the Affinity betwixt Sleep and Death whose Image it is I cannot but think it very unlikely that this Life should be design'd for our Happiness since not to lose almost half of it were an Infelicity Another thing I remember I was considering was this That though want of Sleep be one of the uneasiest accidents that attend on Sickness yet in many cases it proves as usefull as it can be unwelcome For there is a sort of Jolly people far more Numerous than I could wish them who are at utter defiance with Thinking and do as much fear to be alone as they should to do any course that is naturally productive of so unmanly a fear And the same Sinfull employments or Vain pastimes that make them afraid of being alone do so much keep them from the necessity of being so that they keep them almost from the very Possibility of it For in the time of Health Visits Businesses Cards and I know not how many other Avocations
a Horse-back but not to have perform'd a long Journey whereas he that by thriftily Husbanding his time and industriously Improving it has early dispatch'd the business for which he was sent into the VVorld needs not Gray-hairs to be reputed to have Liv'd long enough and consequently longer than those that wear Gray-hairs only because they were Born many Years before him In a word to one of these sorts of Men we may attribute a longer Time but to the other a longer Life for ev'n the Heathen could say Non est vivere sed valere Vita and within how narrow a compass soever a Man's Life be confin'd if he have Liv'd so long as before he comes to the end of Life he have reach'd the ends of Living The attainment of that Measure of Knowledge and the practice of those Graces and Virtues that fit a Man to glorifie God in this short Life and to be Glorified by him in that which shall have no End MEDITATION X. Upon a Thief in a Candle THe silence of the Night and my being unable to Sleep disposing me to have my attention very easily excited I chanc'd to take notice that the Dim light of the Candle which the Curtains were not drawn so close as to exclude every where out of the Bed was on a suddain considerably increas'd and continued so long in that condition that for fear of some mischance I put my Head out of the Bed to see whence it was that this new and unexpected increase of Light proceeded but I quickly found that 't was from a Thief as they call it in the Candle which by its irregular way of making the Flame blaze had melted down a good part of the Tallow and would have spoil'd the rest if I had not call'd to one of those that Watch'd with me to rescue the remains by the removal of the Thief But I had scarce done this when I confess to you Sophronia I found my self invited to make some Reflections upon what I had done and to read my self a new Lesson by the Beams of this new Light For though this Thief made the Candle shine more strongly and diffuse a much greater Light than it did before yet because it made a great and irregular waste of the Candle I order'd it to be taken away and on this occasion me-thought I might justly make use of that saying of Pharaoh's forgetfull Butler I do remember my Faults this Day Gen. 41. 9. For though I find no great difficulty in abstaining from other kinds of Intemperance yet to that of Studying my Friends and especially my Physitians have often accus'd me of being too Indulgent Nor can I altogether deny but that in mental Exercises there can be Exorbitancies and Excesses I may have sometimes been Guilty of them and that the things for which I think Life valuable being the satisfaction that accrues from the improvement of Knowledge and the exercise of Piety I thought it allowable if not commendable to consume or hazard it for the attainment of those Ends and esteem'd Sickness more formidable for its unfitting me to learn and to teach than for its being attended with pain and danger and look'd upon what it made me forbear as far more troublesome than what ever else it made me endure But I find my Body is a Jade and tyres under my Mind and a few hours fix'd Contemplation does sensibly so spend my Spirits as to make me feel my self more weary that the Riding post for twice as many hours has ever done Wherefore since though the proper use of a Candle be to consume it self that it may give others Light I yet thought fit to have the Thief taken away because though it made the Candle give more Light it would have wasted it too fast and consequently made it expire too soon I see not how I can resist their perswasions that would have me husband better the little stock of strength Nature has given me and the rather by a moderate expence of it endeavour to make it shine longe though but Dimly then consume it to fast though for a while to keep up a Blaze I will therefore endeavour to learn of this Sickness and of this Accident what the Doctors hitherto could never teach me and injoyn my self an Abstinence which to me is more uneasie than if Wine or VVomen or other sensual Pleasures were to be the Objects of it but if in so difficult an Exercise of Self-denial I do not always perform what I am now perswaded to 't is like I shall easily forgive my self for but a little hastning the end of my Life to attain the ends of it MEDITATION XI Upon the being in danger of Death I Know that Physitians are wont after their Master Hypocrates to tell us That Feavers which intermit are devoid of Danger But though an Ague whilst it continues such could not be a mortal Disease yet why may it not degenerate into such a one And for my part who take the Prognosticks of Physitians to be but Guesses not Prophesies and know how backward they are to bid us fear till our Condition leave them little hopes of us I cannot but think that Patient very ill advis'd who thinks it not time to entertain thoughts of Death as long as his Doctor allows him any hopes of Life for in case they should both be deceiv'd 't would be much easier for the mistaken Physitian to save his Credit than for the unprepar'd Sinner to save his Soul Wherefore Sophronia finding my Disease attended with unusual threatning Symptoms not knowing where they would end I last Night thought it fit to suppose they might end in Death And two things especially made me the more ready for such an entertainment of my Thoughts One That we can scarce be too carefull and diligent in fitting our selves for the Acting of a part well that we can never Act but once For where the Scripture tells us It is appointed for all Men once to Dye it is immediately subjoyn'd That after that comes Judgment and if we Dye ill once we shall never be allow'd to Dye again to see if we would Dye better the second time than we did the first But as the Wise man Allegorically speaks Where the Tree falls there shall it lye So that the faults committed in this last and importantest of humane Actions being irreparable I think the only safe way is to imitate him who having said If a Man Dye shall he Live again presently annex'd by way of Inference and Resolution All the Days of my appointed Time will I wait till my Change come The other consideration that recommended to me the Thoughts of the Grave was this That we may be often sollicitous to provide against many Evils and Dangers that possibly may never reach us and many endure from the Anxious fears of contingent Mischiefs that never will befall them more Torment than the apprehended Mischiefs themselves though really suffer'd would inflict But Death will sooner