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death_n body_n pain_n soul_n 8,495 5 5.3269 4 true
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ID Title Author Corrected Date of Publication (TCP Date of Publication) STC Words Pages
A44298 The honour of the gout: or, A rational discourse, demonstrating that the gout is one of the greatest blessings which can befal mortal man that all gentlemen who are weary of it, are their own enemies; that those pratitioners who offer at the cure, are the vainest and most mischievous cheats in nature. By way of letter to an eminent citizen, wrote in the heat of a violent paroxysm, and now published for the common good. By Philander Misiatus. Philander Misaurus. 1699 (1699) Wing H2598; ESTC R215301 20,867 73

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was the thing to be demonstrated Having thus Sir utterly confounded your Errour my next labour shall be to instruct you in a sounder persuasion The Gout was sent in Mercy down from Heaven to lengthen wasting Life The Seat of this Friendly Daemon by whom every afflicted Man receives a thousand times more benefit than ever Socrates by his his Seat I say is in the Nervous parts he commonly visits the Internodia of the Bones of the Feet sometimes the Hip the Knee the Elbow Shoulder Wrist and Ancle But to prove its Divine Original I will proceed methodically and from his lowest Commendations ascend by six just Steps or Degrees till I have rais'd him above the Stars and enter'd him among the Celestial Spirits to whom Sir you will then be tempted to offer up your Oraisons in the prescribed Form at the end of an Old Manuscript-Missal communicated to me by a learned Antiquary a great Collector of those Rarities The Form this Blessed Gout most desirable Gout Soveraign Antidote of Murdering Maladies powerful Corrector of Intemperance deign to visit me with thy purging fires and throw off the tophous injury which I may have suffered by Wine and Wit too hard for the Vertue of a Devote upon a Holy Festival but fail not thy Humble Supplicant who needs thy Friendly Help to keep his tottering Tenement in order fail him not every Vernal and Autumnal Aequinox I know some precise Doctors are against all Invocation of Saints at present I shall not dispute with them but they must grant me That there 's more to be said in justification of such a Prayer to the Gout than can be said for the Offices directed to any other Saints not excepting the Virgin For I defier their Worshippers to prove that there has been the Tythe of so much good done by them all as I shall prove has been done by the beneficial Gout I begin at the lowest step and Note First The Gout gives a Man Pain without Danger It is possible I confess that a Sick Man if he were directly ask'd to declare his Sense of the matter might refuse to acknowledge the benefit of Pain without Danger for Sickness and Peevishness commonly go together but mind his Discourse at another time when he talks from the heart and is not upon his Guard Then O then Pain without Danger is a Blessed thing For Instance Suffering under a painful threatning Distemper What 's his first question to the Physician but this Doctor pray be plain with me and let me truly know what I am to expect don't flatter a Sick-man but tell me am I like to Recover or no That Pain you see which he suffers does not at all trouble him he 's only afraid he shall Die secure him against that Danger and all is well with him Cut Slash Burn no pain is grievous if it promise to set us out of the danger of Death When the other Doctor comes the Physician of the Soul I mean whose coming bodes no good to the Body He tells the Decumbent a long Story of the Pains and Misery of Life in order to make his nunc dimittis go down the easier but that method seldom takes for not one of a hundred is so bad but he 's content to live and put the rest to the venture The fear of Death is generally more grievous than all the cruel Pains of a wretched Life But since we must have pain while we live give me the Pain of the Gout which has no danger attending Here some malevolent Adversary may importunely object Did never any Man Die of the Gout To this I answer 1st I have not yet affirmed That the Gout can make a Man immortal though I will boldly say thus much it very often keeps a Man alive till all his Friends are weary of him But 2. Should I venture to say that the Gout has in it self the power to make a Man immortal it ought not to seem so very strange all things being considered If that be true which some Authors Write of the Noble Paracelsus He had the Secret to make a Man immortal and I would not say he lyed though himself Died about Forty for perhaps he did not like his Company but it must have been by way of his Discovery to give any Man the Gout when he pleased in that I am positive Here the Objector will scornfully put me in Mind that Gouty persons scape Death no more than other Men which is very true but that 's because Men are Fools and don 't know when they are safe they must be curing the Gout forsooth and to that end they deal with the Doctor i. e. with the Factor of Death the Emissary of Hell the Purveyor of the Grave Damn'd Alchymist good at calcining nothing but Living Bodies into Dust and Ashes Let every one bear his own burthen the Gout has nothing to do with the Carnage of the Doctor All that can be rationally said against the Gout is that it does not actually preserve Man in spight of their own Folly and the Dr's ignorance And yet there is the Right Honourable Sir R. H. the Gout is so Salutary to him that two Swiss Doctors can't dispatch him what would a certain Lord give that those two coagulating Spirits could remove his Honours Gout but say I Gout hold thy own for Earth has more need of the Cripple than Heaven of the Saint And now Sir let me tell you a Story the famous Willis shall be my Voucher who dissected the the Body of the Reverend Learned and Pious Doctor Hammond kill'd purely by his Friend who unhappily taught him a Medicine to cure the Gout upon the Success of that Medicine the Doctor 's old Nephritic Pains return'd and in a Fortnight dispatch'd him Therefore for your own for your Lady's and for your Childrens sake Sir welcome the Gout to your House and shut all your Doors against the Physician I 'll warrant you for upwards a Hundred Lord how glad shall I be to see 'em pick Chalk-stones out of your Worship's Feet some forty or fifty Years hence by that time you 'll have learn'd so much Patience as never to rear for the Matter But if you do roar for that may be then as you use your self now they that look on if they love Life will envy not pity You Indeed you are already a fit Object for the Envy of Thinking Men for I have heard you confess that yours is an Hereditary Gout and that 's for the better an Hereditary Gout is a far greater Happiness than an acquir'd one what a deal of Intemperance and amorous Excesses might it have cost Your Worship to have got the Gout before Forty whereas now you have the mighty Blessing for nothing sorte nascendi it is your Birth-right Sir never think of parting with it Perhaps you may be now tempted to ask me how I acquir'd my Gout I shall not be shy to satisfy your Curiosity for I came by it honestly We