moved with the sense of this weakness there is no new thing happened unto me but what is ordinarily incident to my years This and other the like infirmities are in the course of any considerable age but as the accidents of dust or durt or raine in a long journey which every rational man will expect and reckon upon before hand Lord give me a true sense of the frailty of my condition and I shall no more wonder at mine infirmities then I wonder at my life But what do I speak of infirmites I may rather justly bless God for the long continued health which for so many years I have formerly enjoyed then grudge at my present suffering I have been a young man a great while and therefore it is but reason I should be contented to be an old man a little while what shall I receive good at the hands of God and shall I not receive evil But why do I miscall my Gout shall a heathen Philosopher Possidonius be able upon the strength of a natural resolution to protest in the middest of his pain in this infirmity that no extremity should ever make him confess it to be an evil and shall not grace have so much power upon me as to make me acknowledge that it is good for me to be thus chastened shall I fly out into impatience when God corrects me for my profit they that will not lie still when God whips them do but gaine the more stripes and by their impatience make it appear that they were not corrected enough before Nay Lord I bless thee not only for thy staff but for thy rod which although it be one of thy smartest ones and by the continuance whereof I am brought thus low yet I find the end thereof to be dipt in hony tending to mine edification not to my distruction This very infirmity under which I lie hath the reputation to be of a medicinal nature as it contracteth other malignant humours into one channel and spendeth them with it self so let all thy chastisements O Lord operate upon me for the purging of mine iniquity and the taking away of my sin and I shall reckon them in the number of my blessings What though these paines be violent they are the less likely to continue either they will end themselves or end me the difference is not much either way there will be an end and that shortly The life of man is of few dayes and full of trouble And therefore when I think how short my time is I am contented because it is so full of trouble and when I consider how troublesome it is I am comforted with the thought that it is so short But now Lord what waite I for my hope my only hope is in thee Shall I say remove thy stroke away from me let me alone far be that from me deliver me O my God from that penal impunity and vouchsafe rather to continue thy gracious rod upon me so long as thou shalt see it good for so long I am sure it shall be for my good and I shall look upon it as a dear blessed gout to me Shew thy mercy to me as thou didst to thy Children of Israel in punishing mine inventions Chasten me so thou love me scourge on so thou receive me and it shall be my consolation O give me not only strength to bear these paines but thankfulness for them and wisdome to improve by them that I may neither despise thy chastening nor be weary of thy correction So shall thy rod like the rod of Aaron be productive and not only blossome but bring forth fruit unto me even the peaceable fruit of righteousness Make me such when I am well as I would be when I am sick In all conditions let thy grace be sufficient for me perfect thy strength in my weakness and imperfection and then I shall take pleasure in my paines and glory in mine infirmities and be able to say with that great Apostle when I am weak I am strong and when I am sick I am well MEDITATION IX Vpon my recovery out of the Gout IS this a recovery or a resurrection It was but a while ago that I had two feet in the grave and that I was ready to claime my last kindred with wormes and corruption and in what an Eagle condition am I now how renewed or rather resuscitated me thinkes I am as if I had outlived my death mine own surviour the posterity of my self Certainly life doth not consist in living but in well being health is the life of life and without that we have but a name that we live but we are dead There is nothing to be preferred before the health of the body but holiness which is the healâ—h of the Soul O Lord thou art the God of life and death thou killest and thou makest alive thou woundest and thou healest thou even thou art he and there is no God with thee I drew near unto destruction but upon my cry unto thee it pleased thee to send thy Soveraine word to heal me and I was healed O that I could therefore praise thee for thy goodness not only with my lips but with that life which thou hast so often re-given me The living the living he shall praise thee as I do this day and as I desire to do all my remaining dayes But am I so perfectly well I may ask my self how I do without offence and it is not an impertinent inquiry Blessed be God my house of clay is in a comfortable measure repaired and made tenantable again for a while But how is all within how doth the principal one so Job calleth the Soul it is my Soul that is my self my body is but mine old sute new mended the sheath of my Soul as it is stiled by Daniel the health and prosperity of that would signify little to me except according to the tenor of St. Johns wish unto Gains my Soul also prosper a sick Soul in a sound body is the worst constitution that can be It is written in the prophecy of Isaiah touching the restoration of Jerusalem that the inhabitants thereof shall not say I am sick for the people that dwell therein shall be forgiven their iniquity O Lord I am sick till mine iniquity be forgiven Thou hast shewed mercy to my worldly part to my lay part O heal my Spiritual part which needs thy mercy most and will rellish it best Untill that be done I am sick though never so well But admitting with all humble thankfulness my present being in perfect health I have no reason to think it will continue long all things under the Sun are subject to vicissitude and change and whilst that I say so I am changed my self My very health is but a brooding of sickness and every sickness is a pang of death My whole life is no other then a gradual dying I remember the first time I died was when mine infancy expired in my youth the next
thee ready for him That person is in a sad condition that looks for death and cannot find it but he is in a sadder whom death finds before he looks for it The way to sleep well at night is to exercise well in the day the sleep of a labouring man is sweet saith the Preacher Death is but a long sleep and if we would hereafter rest with happiness from our labours we must so labour here that our works may follow us hereafter if we so sleep we shall do well We are not troubled when we lie down to take our natural rest upon the confidence we have in Gods ordinary providence that he will raise us up again why should Christians that do or should know the Scriptures and the power of God be more anxious and doubtful of their eternal then of their natural rest this is nothing but our infidelity for upon a true account there is more uncertainty of our waking out of our beds then there is of our rising out of our graves None can tell when he lies down whether he shall see any to morrow in this World or rise no more till the Heavens be no more but as to our Resurrection we are already so far raised as Christ our head is risen who is our resurrection and our life Lord increase our faith But what is it troubles us is it the thought that we shall live no longer We may as well lament that we were born no sooner it is but a measuring cast between the time when we were not and the time when we shall â—ot be one is as inconsiderable as the other if it be a matter of sorrow to think that we are mortal it may be a just cause of rejoycing to consider that we are so near being immortal it was as some hold the mercy of God after our first Parents had eaten of the forbidden fruit and thereby made themselves and their posterity miserable to prevent them that they should not eat of the tree of life for then both they and we had been everlastingly miserable Mortality is a mercy But possibly it is not death but dying that which the Philosopher calls the pomp of death that is so much apprehended the pangs and convulsions of death have a horrid Aspect certainly in those things we do many times but fright our selves with our own fancies for when we think those agonies insupportable nature is spent and often sensless But admitting the worst as our desire to sleep makes us bear with some tossings and tumblings and disquietings before we can well settle to rest so should our desire to depart and to sleep in Jesus prevail with us to endure those sufferings which are but for a moment but are followed with a quiet happy rest in the bosome of our Saviour to all eternity But it is a dismal thing to flesh and bloud to think that after death we must lie rotting and corrupting in a dark silent grave and that when we are reduced to dust as we were grass when we lived in regard of our frailty so we may come to be grass again after we are dead in a litteral sense and so pass away into several other substances this I confess might justifie some melancholy thoughts if we had no hope But when we are taught of God that after this Life ended our spirit shall return unto God who gave it and that after this World ended our dust shall be raised again and recompacted into a glorious body cloathed with immortality and honour and reunited to our Soul both to be for ever with the Lord we may bid defiance both to death and the grave O death where is thy sting O grave where is thy victory But what needs all this perswasion is it in our choice whether to die or not if we must die as die we must it is a perfect folly to be unwilling to do that which of necessity we must do whether we will or not take courage then O my Soul and act thy last part handsomely it is a degree toward dying well to be willing to die But I am dead what do I talk of dying or the fear of dying my whole life is but a continued death I have more reason to be apprehensive of my living then of my dying for I can never hope to live till I die that which we call death being in truth but the dying day of our death and the birth day of our everlasting life Nay I am not only dead but in a great part buried how much of my self is already laid in the dust death hath taken three of my ribs from me and so many of my limbs as I have lost children by his stroke My dearest relations are gon to bed before me to what purpose serves this fragment this remainder of me here Lord take all to thee let me not lie half in the bed and half out thy bed is not too little nor thy coverlet too narrow but thou hast room enough for me receive me I humbly beseech thee as thine I am thine O save me Lord now lettest thou thy Servant depart in peace In thy name I lay me down to rest FINIS A DAILY DIRECTORY EVery day is a life in little in the account whereof we may reckon our growth from the womb of the morning our growth from thence to noon when we are as the Sun in his strength after which like a shaddow that declineth we hasten to the evening of our age and so to our Sun set when we come to close our eyes in sleep the Image and representative of death Our whole life is but this tale of a day told over and over I would therefore so spend every day as if it were all the dayes I had to live and in pursuance of this resolution I would by the assistance of divine grace indeavour to observe this following daily practise 1. I Would awake with God as early as I could David hath a high expression for this In the morning shall my Prayer prevent thee as if he meant to be up first But to speak in a stile that may be fit such a worme as I am whensoever I awake I would willingly have my mouth prevent mine eyes and open first to shew forth his praise that so God may awake for me and make the habitation of my righteousness prosperous To this end I would be careful to ly down the night before in the peace of God who hath promised that his commandement shall keep me when I sleep and talk with me when I awake otherwise I may justly fear that those corruptions that bid me last good night may be ready to bid me first good morrow 2. I would arise as early as I could that course being most profitable both for Soul body and estate In Summer time I would be up by five in Psal 88. 13. winter by six or soon after as my health would permit and if nothing intervene of necessity to hinder me
be the worse for Gods being good to us Though this sun-light be so pleasant to behold yet it doth mine eyes no good to gaze upon it If the lustre of a created light be so dazeling how unapproacheable must that divine light be wherein the great Creator dwelleth the resplendency whereof is the light of light Content thy self O my Soul with that prospect thou hast had of God's goodness so far as he hath been pleased to reveal himself unto thee but do not presume to speculate into his glory least thou be oppressed with it It is impossible to see this light but by its own light who ever beheld the sun but by the light of the sun as impossible is it to see the Father of lights but by the radiancy of the Son who is the brightness of his glory or to discern the things of the Spirit of God otherwise then by the revelation of his spirit The commandements of the Lord is pure inlightening the eyes we see it and see by it But what is become of all those heavenly tapers those spangles of light that did so lately adorne the skie How hath the lustre of this predominant light obscured and darkened them It is in one sence a sad exchange between the light of the Sun and the light of the Moon and Starrs that the Sun though it do open and reveal the sight of earthly things yet it closeth and shutteth up the prospect of the celestial Globe so that we cannot discerne the beauty and variety of those heavenly bodies above us as we may do in the night It is the misery of prosperity that as by reason of the brightness of that light wherewith it is environed it giveth us a clear view of the glory of this world and of all the vanities in it so withal it darkeneth and concealeth divine things and thereby indisposeth us to raise our affections unto them And on the other side it is the felicity of adversity that although the aire about it be very obscure yet therein we best discern God and spiritual things so Job in his afflicton could say Now mine eye seeth thee of whom before he had only heard by the hearing of the ear Lord thou knowest what condition is fittest for me and I presume not to appoint thy wisdome but so far as a poor beggar may be a chooser I beseech thee rather to keep me in the dark if thorough that vaile I may be admitted to see the light of thy countenance then to suffer me to be dazeled with the lustre of this vain world wherein there is nothing to be seen but that which is nothing and less then nothing O let me rather enjoy light in darkness then live in darkness when I am in the light In the beginning for the first three dayes of the Creation week there was no sun at all but yet there was light and that light was universally diffused thorough all parts untill it pleased God to contract it into one body O Lord thou alone doest great wonders how great are thy works how great this work wherein thou didst as I may say create the effect before the cause Thou art not limited to the methods of our weak reason but canst do every thing according to the council of thine own will not only by but without and contrary to meanes There is no glorying no trusting but in thee alone unto whom all means and more are alike subservient As in the Creation during those first three dayes God made and continued the light and then upon the fourth day made that light a sun so in his order of proceeding with his Children he giveth them a three dayes light the first of nature when he quickeneth them in their Mothers womb with a reasonable soul the second of Grace when he regenerateth them in the womb of his Church by his Sanctifying spirit the third of beatitude in a state of bliss when he receiveth their departed Souls into his rest and then upon the fourth day that is at the general resurrection when he reuniteth their Souls and bodies in glory he gathereth this light into a Sun from which time they shall to all eternity shine forth as the Sun in the Kingdome of their Father What a World will that be when we shall have no Sun again when we shall need none nay when instead of one Sun there shall be more Suns than there are Stars in the Firmament when every Saint shall be a Sun and yet all those Saints as if they were but so many stars shall receive their light from another Sun of infinite glory from the glory of God the Fountain of all light that light is sown here for the Righteous O when will the harvest time come Awake awake O my Soul and contemplate that happy time whensoever it shall come It is some anticipation of it to think upon it before it comes Watch for that morning more than they that watch for the morning But Lord it is not of him that watcheth no more than of him that willeth but of thee who shewest mercy O do thou by the irradiation of thy grace make such a clear day in my Soul as that I may not only see thy light here and receive in it and walk by it but be it so shall I be light in thee and according to that expression in thine own word thou shalt then walk in me my path shall then be as the shining light and I shall shine out more and more unto that full clear and everlastingly perfect day of thy Glory MEDITAT III. Vpon my rising out of Bed and putting on my Cloaths SLuggish Soul how long wilt thou lie lazing what yet a little slumber yet a little folding of the hands Awake they that sleep sleep in the night do not fancy thy self to be among the Antipodes as if it were night with thee when it is day with us If thou wilt but open thy window thou mayest with shame behold the Sun already mounted above our horizon and in his silent language seeming to reproach thee that he hath travelled round about the world but Yesterday and yet is up before thee this morning let no sleep like an unjust Publican exact more of thy time then is his due and make thy dayes shorter then God hath made them There is so much life gained as is saved out of sleep Be not too secure in this condition whilst thou art drouzing the devil is hunting and he hath a way to hunt Souls with Pillowes and night-caps Remember he is no sluggard but will surely roste what he takes in hunting How strangely do those people live that begin their morning at noone and their noone at night that turn day into night and live backward But it is no wonder to see Owls fly abroad at late hours O my Soul God never created thee to live in a feather-bed life consists in action idleness is but a living death And what doth the Lord require of
and those that are touched with it will endeavour to work upon others and to make them like themselves so Philip will draw Nathaniel Andrew will draw Peter and Peter when converted wil strengthen his Brethen And of this the worst times are the best Witnesses when thorough the common opposition of wicked men the affections of those that are good are the more inflamed each to other for as Roses and Garlick set near together do by extraction of contrary juices out of the Earth become both in their several kinds the stronger sented and the Roses are the more sweet and oderate by the fetide and stinking neighbourhood of the Garlick so by the contrary workings of opposite parties the Good are made very Good and the Bad very Bad and those that are good are meliorated and imbettered even by the illness of those that are bad O my Soul be wary with whom thou dost associate it may be discretion to carry a fair civility to those that are without but let thy delight be fixed upon the Saints that are in the Earth the touch of their conversion will derive vertue to thee Be not conformed to the Men of the world but let their contrary qualities serve as by a spiritual Antiperistasis to strengthen thy vertue and to make it the more compact in it self so if thou canst not amend others thou shalt be sure however to be amended thy self But alas what are all worldly comforts this good fellowship will not hold We cannot sit by it like those long lived Fathers before the flood who might meet and be merry together two or three hundred years and part with a promise to see one another againe so many hundred yeares after We are but of Yesterday and know not what to morrow may bring forth a few yeares or months or possibly a less time may determine all our jollity This were sad indeed if we had no hope but having that anchor hold we may comfort one another with this that wherever we are separated we can enjoy the Communion of one anothers praiers and meet together at the Throne of Grace And tho death may part us here for a while it will be but with a good night one to another as when we go to bed and to morrow we shall meet never to part In the mean time O my Soul think what a blessing it is to have the eternal God to be thy friend who in the defailliance of all these transitory comforts will not faile to make up all losses with himself But will God indeed dwell with men on the earth will the high and lofty one that inhabiteth eternity vouchsafe to humble and abase himself so low as not only to take notice of but in an infinite condescention to enter into covenant into friendship with poor mortal sinful creatures with such a despicable worme as I am to call me friend as he doth those that obey his commands what friend worme friend dust O the depth Lord what is man what am I poor no man a nothing that thou so regardest me O my God I am unworthy to be called thine in any relation unworthy to be reckoned in the number of thine hired Servants much more to be accounted in the rank of thy friends but it is thy pleasure to call things that are not as if they were and such is the influence of thy power that by vertue of that call thou canst make things to be what they were not O let the power of thy gracious vocation have a perfect work upon me to change me and I shall be changed to convert me and I shall be converted so though by nature I am enmity against thee by grace I shall be reconciled to thee I shall then fear thee and thy goodness shall fear and love thee and I shall love those that are conformable to thy goodness because I fear thee I shall not only have fellowship with thine excellent ones here upon earth but together with them enjoy society with thee O Father Son and holy spirit to all eternity in heaven MEDITAT VII Vpon the sight of a full Table LOrd do not hold it a presumption in thy poor dust and ashes that I humbly desire as thy Prophet Jeremy did to talk with thee what is man that thou takest knowledge of him thy word is mine answer that tells me it is a pittiful thing compounded and made up of sin and corruption its Father was earth and its Grand-father was nothing it walketh in a vain shew and is in its greatest estate a Lye and at its best altogether vanity which is so much less then nothing before thee But behold I have taken upon me to speak unto thee O let not my Lord be angry if I ask thee now what man is not that thou makest such account of him and so providest for him thine other creatures even those that are the cheif of thy wayes are contented with their single portions thy Behemoth is satisfied with that ordinary which the mountaines bring him forth and he lookes no further so is the Leviathan pleased with his recreation in the great and wide sea and that element is enough for him But man as if all were too little for his grandeur hath no bounds thou hast put all things under his feet Earth Sea Aire Fire pay contribution to his subsistance and comfort what couldst thou have done unto him that thou hast not done O Lord our Lord how excellent is thy name all thy workes praise thee how should man praise thee for whose service thou hast made all thy workes what a deal of labour is here for the mouth what a concurrence of art with nature to please the gluttony not only of the mouth but of the eye people affect an ingenuity in luxury as if their wits lay in their bellies and not in their braines It is not enough to have good meat if it have not a rellish of the East-Indies it must be so spiced that an Aegyptian would think it were rather imbalmed to be buried and kept for Mummy then seasoned to be eaten it must be so diversisied and so disguised in the dressing that every dish must be a riddle as if it were a special point of reputation for a man to eat he knowes not what If our Forefathers could see our hachees and olliaes and hodgpodges and such like commixtures as we make of several meats together they would take them to be no better then the discharges of full stomacks and think that like doggs we affected to eat our meat twice But to what purpose is this waste how many empty stomacks might this superfluity have filled possibly less at the table and more at the door might have done better Certainly we are not the better for it this high feeding doth but cloud the understanding with fumes and vapours and pampers lust and breeds ill humours and makes provision for wormes and ends in excrement and who would place any felicity in that
was when my youth ended in middle age which was followed by the determination of that in mine old age and yet I have no less then two deaths more to look for the departure of mine old age in death it self and the death of death in the death of Christ Who would covet such a pittiful life which the longer it lasteth the oftener it dieth nay which in truth is so far from a true lasting that it taketh up no time at all there is a time to be born and a time to die saith the Preacher but there is no time assigned to live because our whole life is but a time of dying If I had a lease of health for tearm of life I could not but look upon it at my years as near worne out When I was at my best I was but grass now that the flower of that grass is faded in this dried withered condition what am I better then meer hay and stubble O my Soul be not secure upon this recovery there is nothing that doth sooner draw on sickness then a fond presumption of health many had never been sick so soon if they had not been well too soon Health requires a good husbandry But in a special manner consider how it is possible for that body to be well long that hath but a short time to be Wouldst thou redeem this time and so extend it labour to be good Vertue is not subject to time but will out-live death it self What is the health of my body but the strength of my prison who would glory in that I read of some pious men that have lamented their recovery out of sickness as finding themselves to be worse when they were better and best when they were ill Lord look upon thy poor Prisoner of hope and in thy good time deliver me well out of my self and in the mean time make me truly thankful for any comfort or accommodation that I enjoy in my present condition Without thy Sanctifying grace thy mercies are judgements and this health will be but a killing prosperity to me Health is one of God's Talents which they unto whom it is committed are to account for and if they do not improve it to his service they might be sick better cheap That health is pestilential that makes the possessor thereof luxurious and disorderly O my God let it be my care to devote my life and particularly my health the best of my life unto thee from whom alone I derive both health and life Bed-rid oblations are but the offerings of the refuse I confess mine are little better than such at this time of mine age but my trust is in the goodness of thine eye that thou wilt not in any wise reject those that come unto thee though at the eleventh hour O my God and most gracious Father sanctifie all thy dispensations unto me and then they shall co-operate together for my good My reins shall instruct me in the night season my Gout shall make me run unto thee and my recovery shall inable me to minister unto thee as Peters wives Mother did so soon as her fever had left her Blessed be thy name that I have been ill and thy name be praised that I am well Let me never live longer than I praise and bless and glorifie thee MEDITATION X. Vpon my imprisonment WHat is there in an imprisonment that should make that condition so formidable it is not the uncouthness of it we cannot say this is new for it is common to all we are all Prisoners by Nature during life even before we were born we suffered a confinement in the womb that bear us lying for so many months as we lived there inclosed in the lowest parts of the earth in a polluted dark narrow Rome where we could not so much as be turned without hazard of our lives and when we came into the world we were but removed as by a writ to another prison or rather we were born like Snails with our prisons upon our backs Our Souls which are the man in us being captivated in our bodies and so cooped up that they are disabled thereby to act or operate further then as through a grate according to the narrow latitude of our corporeal organs What is the whole World but as it were a common Jail wherein we are all imprisoned and however some may have a larger and better accomodation therein than others yet all are within the rule I read of Nicolo Donato Duke of Venice that he was foretold by an Astrologer who had calculated his Nativity that he should die in a noble Prison which was afterwards applied to the restrained limited honour of that Dukedom wherein he ended his dayes to let the Prediction pass I may truely affirm that the greatest and most resplendent fortunes in the world are no better than commodious captivities and honourable Prisons and they that enjoy them may account themselves in the condition of that Greek Emperour Michael Balbus who took possession of his Chair of State with a pair of Shackles about his heels But what are the inconveniencies of a Prison I deny not but that there may be a just resentment of the loss of liberty He that doth not feel it wanteth sense but he that cannot bear it wanteth reason if not grace whatever the suffering be impatience doth but aggravate it When we lie like wilde Bulls in a net fretting and strugling against the providence of God we do but impester and intangle our selves the more and like those sottish Thracian Captives that Florus l. â— 1. 1â— brake their teath with biting and gnawing their chaines by our impatience we do both punish our own ferity and thereby make sport to our enemies Is the bare confinement a matter so to be startled at We may as well think the fixed Stars unhappy because they cannot wander Things are best kept when they are lockt up many men have been preserved by this meanes from greater dangers which they might have incurred if they had been at liberty and their imprisonment hath been really a safe custody unto them How ever it is for Children to cry when they may not go abroad True liberty is to be found within doores What tho my body be confined my Soul is not I may possibly be disabled by this restraint from performing good actions but that cannot hinder me from enjoying good thoughts from communing with mine own heart from having my conversation with God in Heaven Thoughts are free Let the imprisonment be never so close and straight if I be not straightend in my self I am at liberty it is not the narrowness of the roome but of the mind that makes the prison incommodious no man suffers by it but he that is unwilling to suffer for he that will do what he must do is a free man because he does what he will a free imprisonment is better then a servile liberty They are the prisoners in truth that are captivated to
may have his memory bemisted as it were and clouded by the stinking vapours of malice and envy Our Saviour himself that Sun of righteousness was no sooner set tho with so much glory that the beholders even his enemies acknowledged him to be the Son of God but the chief Priest and Pharisees endeavoured to cover his sacred name with darkness aspersing him as a deceiver and bribing the Guards to belie his Resurrection if they have done these things in the green tree what can the drie expect the disciple is not above his Master and the charities of the World are still the same It is a sad thing to have a guilty soul this Sunset which otherwise I might behold with comfort as putting me in mind of the approaching time of my rest is to me an exprobration at once remembring me of the command not to suffer the Sun to go down upon my wrath and condemning me for suffering so many Suns to go down in my passion O my God if thou shouldst deal with me according to my deserts in what a Cloud should I set But thy goodness shines in my wickedness O let the brightness thereof dispel and scatter those Clouds that are in my perverse nature and then although the days of my life have been frequently overcast by my exorbitant passions I shall hope in this evening of it to go down in the serenity of thy mercy and to set in thy love But what do I speak of rising and going down as if the Sun went higher or lower at one time then another and were subject to excentrick motions that glorious luminary however it appears unto us is constant to one and the same rode and is as high at night as it is at noon or morning It is so with a mind well trained and exercised in vertue and piety which although as to outward things it may appear subject to variations now and then abused now and then abounding yet in it self it is above all sublunary changes neither elated nor dejected and keepeth an even course in a constant equi-distance from earth and all earthly things Lord give me that mind that whatever my state and condition be I may keep still at one and the same height and in a regular motion that in all mutations I may be one and the same man So shall I be happy in my conformity to thee who art ever the same without shadow of change But the Sun is set and how soon are all things benighted with it what are all the comforts of this World when the light of Gods countenance is withdrawn when thou O Lord hidest thy face it is no marvel if we be troubled As thy light is a rejoycing to us so the privation of it is at once both uncomfortable and dangerous thou makest darkness and it is night wherein all the beasts of the forrest do creep forth in a spiritual sense when it is night within us all our lusts and corruptions are in motion and that roaring Lion that seeks to devour us is most stirring and active darkness and cruel habitations go together O thou who art the true light of the World and whom no darkness can comprehend enlighten my darkness be my Sun and I shall have no need of this Sun be my shield and I shall fear no danger I shall be at once safe and happy If the Sun when it sets should bid us goodnight for all what a sad world would there be at his departure now we are not troubled at it because we know it will rise again it should be no otherwise with us upon the departure of godly friends and relations why should we grieve so immoderately many times for them as if we had no hope when we know that they shall as surely rise again at the last day as the Sun shall arise the next morning we have the assurance of Gods own word for it that if we believe that Jesus died and rose again even so those also which sleep in Jesus he will bring with him and that with this further advantage to them that they shall then appear in glory and shine like the Sun in the Kingdome of their father never to set more what would we have more Lord teach us to comfort one another with athewwords It is observed that a clear evening is for the most part a forerunner of a fair morning especially if as our Saviour himself hath told us the Skie be red O my God grant that at my last end I may leave a clear memory behind me and discern a red skie over me tinctured with his most precious blood and it shall be a prognostick to me of an everlastingly happy good morrow MEDITAT XXII Vpon my lying down to rest MEthinks I have had a long daies journey in the world and a wedrisome accompanied with blustering weather and rugged ill waies and now a bed would do well there is a time to every purpose under heaven a time to travel and a time to rest a time to wake and a time to sleep a time to be born and a time to die the longest day hath a night and the longest life a death the one is the emblem of the other those fathers before the floud Adam Jared Methusalem that made nothing of a journey of nine hundred years and upwards had their bed time as well as their rising and after their reckoning of so many Ages what do we read of them but that they died and they died and they died this is the end of all men and the living will lay it to heart It is late and I cannot but confess I am tired and my bones would gladly be at rest yet such is my infirmity that when death is ready to come in to help me to bed I am startled and more willing to sit up and keep him out of doors like Jehorams Messenger then to be troubled with such an attendance O my soul what is the matter it is for children to apprehend bull-beggers and to be afraid to lie to sleep in the dark be not frighted with a name death is no more the thing he was the King of fear is departed death is dead as to any hurt it can do thee and yet I may say so far alive as to serve thee he is thine without any more tergiversations therefore O my Soul prepare thy self for thy last rest and in order thereunto acquaint thy self with this pale complexioned Servant before hand that his face may not be strange unto thee we do not affect to have strangers about us to help us off with our cloths but such as we know well accustom thy self to entertain communion with him go down to the Potters house as God commanded the Prophet that is as some Expositors say descend to the consideration of mortality and so live to day as if thou wert to be taken from me to night so shall death never be a surprise to thee but whensoever he comes he shall find
thee not to lie still but to arise and be doing to walke whilst thou hast light humbly with thy God and honestly with thy neighbour as a child of the day Up then my Soul and cast off the workes of darkness night clothes are not a fit weare for the day He whom thou lovest calleth thee do not say I have put off my coat how shall I put it on but without delay eccho that call with a lo I come to do thy will But where are my clothes O my God what a beggerly creature am I that have nothing to put on but what I am faine to borrow if it were not for the supply which I receive from a poor worme from a silly sheep I could neither be fine nor warme By right the borrower should be servant to the lender but Lord thou hast given me dominion over these serviceable creditors How should I at once be humbled under the sense of mine own indigence and thankfully exalted in the apprehension of thy goodness to me But what is man nay which is worse what am I surely I am more brutish then any man more sottish then those brute creatures unto whom I am so much indebted They are not proud of those habiliments which they impart to me I live upon their collections and yet am apt to pride my self in this beggery O my soul this glorying is not good what is it but a glorying in shame nakedness was the original bravery of our first parents in Paradise and shall be our last bravery in heaven when we shall be in the Angels mode Lord correct this depraved nature in me by thy grace that I may no longer fashion my self according to my former lusts and vanities but be conformed to that inward dress which in thy sight is of greatest price so though mine outside may be plain and bare I shall be sure to be all Glorious within But yet O my God thou knowest I have need of raiment as well as of food and other outward accommodations and thou art pleased to allow me a providential though not a sollicitous care for what I shall put on I beseech thee so to order my thoughts that in the pursuit of these things I may follow thy prescribed method of husbandry first to seek thy Kingdom and thy righteousness and then in the use of good means to trust thee for the rest But in what a new case am I when I am apparelled how warmed and comforted blessed be God that I have not that curse upon me mentioned in the Prophecy of Haggai to be cloathed and not warm those cloaths cannot but do me good that are lined with thy blessing It is the common opinion that our cloaths warm us but the truth is we warm our cloaths and they do but keep us warm with our own heat As it is in this so it is in all earthly comforts which have nothing of satisfaction in themselves but that placency which we take to be in them is but a resultance from our own minds a warmth which we give them Lord sanctifie these outward things unto me that in the fruition of them I may so use them as not to abuse them by looking for that in them which is only to be found in thee Thou art the blessing of all blessings from thee I have all in thee I enjoy all and without thee all is nothing O my God it is the desire of my Soul to be dressed and fitted to wait upon thee in the way wherein thou wouldest have me to go but I dare not think of coming into thy presence in an unseemly Garment in the nasty rags of the old man and I have no other sute of mine own but that O do thou give that happy word of command to have that filthy Garment taken away from me and say unto my Soul behold I have caused thine iniquity to pass away and I will cloath thee with change of rayment I beseech thee furnish thy poor Creature out of thy divine wardrobe with those graces that may most adorn my profession above all vouchsafe to cloath me with the Garment of mine elder Brother that is the best Robe and under that covert grant me thy blessing so what ever may befal me here I shall be sure to rise in a happy hour at the last day when being clothed with his righteousness I shall be clothed upon with his Glory MEDITATION IV. Vpon my retirement into my Closet HOw little doth the world know the happiness of a Closet But it is no wonder for this happiness is not of the world and therefore by those that can discern nothing spiritually it is esteemed as no other then a delight in a sedentary sluggish life or as no better then a melancholy discontented humour But my Soul thou art above these misapprehensions Go in shall I say into this room or rather into this other world into thy world for when thou art abroad thou art abroad thou art in a common world wherein every person hath an inter-right with thee but here within the inclosure of these Walls thou art in a particular world of thine own and all is thine own In this little Monarchy methinks I may say without offence Soul take thine ease and with quiet senses enjoy thine own company it is something for a man to be his own inmate to dwell with himself and no small happiness in that cohabitation to live quietly and without a dropping house There is a physical vertue in quietness some diseases in the body and most distempers in the mind are cured by it I may add further that there is a heavenliness in it those Regions that are highest are quietest and God himself who is higher then the highest is in the fruition of himself the most quiescent O my God whilst others affect the wings of an Eagle to fly high let it be my prayer to have the wings of a Dove to fly away and be at rest that being sequestred from the vexatious vanities of the world I may enjoy a free conversation with thee in heaven so shall my quietness be my strength and this rest a prelibution of my eternal rest But yet my Soul take heed unto thy self in this solitude it is possible for thee to be in ill company when thou art alone Be not rash but think what thou wouldst think do not affect a free will in thinking evil thoughts have an evil communication in them and may corrupt good manners slight not vain thoughts the thought of foolishness is sin and every foolish thought as well as every idle word must be accounted for bar them out as much as thou canst and though they may clamour at it and challeng a prescription for a thorough fare in thee and thou art not able altogether to hinder their way but that they will break thorough yet never let it be with thy consent and sufferance and so long the trespass will be on their side Above all be sure to