relation of symptomes though the Physitian come not where the patient is and of this sort it seemes was the healing of his bones but to deliver his soule is of another nature and requires perhaps a feeling the pulse perhaps an inspection of the patient and therefore no remedie here but the Physition must himselfe bee present But is it enough to make suite to God in generall terms to pray him to deliver my soule and not tell from what it is hee must deliver it Can any man thinke that God will returne upon so uncertaine an occasion Alas O Lord it is not unknown to thee that my soule wants no clothes and therefore it is not to deliver it from nakednesse my soule needs no meat and therefore it is not to deliver it from hunger my soule is never old and therefore it is not to deliver it from the wrackes of time but it is indeed to deliver it from trouble and what it is that can trouble my soule thou knowest for my soule is thy servant depending wholy upon thy favour and having offended thee desires to bee delivered from all feare of thine anger My soule was at first a free spirit but is now become a bondslave to sinne and therfore desires to bee delivered from this bondage My soule is it selfe immortall but is troubled here with a mortall body and therefore desires to bee delivered from this bodie of death and in effect it is all but sinne and the traine that sinne drawes after it from which I desire my soule should bee delivered And therefore returne O Lord and deliver my soule save mee for thy mercies sake But O my soule with what reason canst thou expect that God should ever returne to thee for who would bee willing to come to one in trouble as thou art lest hee pay for his comming with drawing a trouble upon himselfe and if hee should returne and come unto thee wouldst thou bee so satisfied wouldst thou not presently bee importuning him for further favours Hee must helpe thee in thy troubles He must helpe thee out of thy troubles or thou wouldst never bee at quiet And is it a small matter to deliver a soule out of trouble Do soules use to bee troubled for trifles and were he not better then to endure thy importunity for his returning then being returned to bee troubled with importunitie for thy deliverance But O my soule be not frighted with these vaine objections for is God like man that hee should bee afraid of being troubled Is he not the God of mercy and can it bee a trouble to his mercie to doe the workes of mercie Is it not his delight to bee Is it not his title to bee called Is not his glory to bee counted a deliverer and is any deliverance so fit for his mercie so worthy of his mercie as deliverance of soules Alas O Lord it is a small worke for thee to return but thou shalt doe an infinite worke by thy returning for thou shalt deliver my soule out of trouble my grieved soule out of grievous troubles and wilt thou not afford me so much kindnesse to doe so small a matter for effecting of so great a matter Oh returne O God and deliver my soule that as thou art called a deliverer so I may call thee my deliverer and may sing with Moses Thou O God art my strength and my song for thou hast been my deliverance But why should this be made so great a matter For though in saying returne O Lord and deliver my soule I seeme to require of God two severall workes one to return and another to deliver mee yet they are in truth but both as one at least no more differing then the cause and the effect seeing his very returning is it selfe a deliverance The onely turning his face towards mee makes mee to see the light of his countenance and no sooner doth that light shine upon my soule but all the clouds that darkened it are presently dispelled all the troubles that vexed my bones are instantly healed But though deliverance bee an effect of Gods returning yet it must bee when hee returnes in a good moode and not in a rebuking or in a chastening disposition for if his anger continue still were it not better for mee hee should tarry away and why then am I so importunate with him to returne before I know in what termes I stand with him and whether hee bee angry still or no but it is even for this that I importune his returning that I may bee assured his anger is past for as long as hee is angry hee never comes where I am to doe that were a greater favour then his anger can afford but as soone as his anger is a little over hee is apt of himselfe to returne unto mee for his delight is with the children of men and specially with those that call upon him and when he returns his anger being over hee useth to doe as the Dove did that when the waters were a little abated returned into the Arke and brought the Olive branch with her in her mouth so God returning when the waters of his displeasure are a little abated brings the Olive branch of peace and deliverance along with him But say my soule that God should returne and should deliver thee wouldst thou then be quiet and not trouble him with any more suits should this bee the last request thou wouldst make Alas no I have one suit more to make and Thou O God that gavest Abraham leave to importune thee with one suite after another vouchsafe mee this favour to make this suite also and this indeed shall bee the last I will ever make Save mee for thy mercies sake For as thy returning would bee to small purpose if thou didst not deliver me so thy deliverance will bee to small purpose if thou doe not also save me To deliver mee and then leave me to bee seized upon againe would make thee but Author imperfecti operis leave thy worke imperfect which cannot agree with the perfection of thy most perfect workmanship And now O God if thou take pleasure in conjunctions be pleased to take pleasure in this conjunction not to joyne thy rebuking and thy anger together not to joyne thy chastening and thy indignation together but to joyne thy deliverance and salvation together for those conjunctions seperate us from thee this conjunction unites us to thee those bring us to shipracke this brings us into the Haven Deliverance avoids the rocks salvation sets safe on shore And is not this that which David meanes when in another place hee saith With thee O God there is plenteous redemption It is redemption indeed if thou but onely deliver my soule but it is not plenteous redemption unlesse besides delivering thou also save mee O then bee pleased in thy plenteous redemption to grant mee this conjunction of deliverance and salvation that I may returne thee the conjunction of praise and thanksgiving and may sing
and say O Lord I will praise thee though thou wast angry with mee yet thine anger is turned away Behold God is my salvation I will crust and not bee afraid But how can God returne to deliver mee and to save mee if hee returne not a deliverer and a saviour and when will this bee O my soule in how much better state art thou then David was for hee onely expected when it should bee but thou art assured when it was For then was God manifested to returne a deliverer and a Saviour when the Angell brought this tidings to the shepherds This day is borne to you a Saviour of whom also a voice from heaven testified This is my welbeloved Sonne in whom I am well pleased Oh then return to me in this Saviour in whom thou art well pleased that so I may bee sure for so I shall bee sure thou wilt not chasten me in thy displeasure As there have beene many particular Deluges and flouds yet but one generall so there have beene many particular deliverers and saviours yet but one generall and from this generall Saviour it is that I desire expect salvation for though his being a generall Saviour may make him bee thought lesse carefull of mee having so many others to care for besides yet have no feare of that my soule seeing hee is as much a Saviour to mee as if he were a Saviour to none but mee and this generall Saviour will save mee generally not only from temporall but from spirituall enemies Not onely from trouble of bones but from trouble of soule Not onely from miseries here on earth but even from miseries when earth it selfe shall bee no more O happy salvation when this Saviour shall come and save mee but how may I doe to get him to come for hee comes not but upon some motive If I had all the gold of Ophir I would willingly give it all to get him to come and save mee but alas I neither have it to give nor doth he care to have it if any thing winne him to doe it it must bee for his mercies sake and for his mercies sake hee will doe it if ever hee will doe it But is not this strange My weaknesse was the motive before to move God to mercy and must his mercie now be it selfe the motive to move him to save mee yet so it is For when Gods mercie findes no motive from us rather then fayle of moving it becomes a motive to it selfe and happy it is from us that so it is for else we might often be without it when most wee need it or rather alwaies bee without it seeing wee alwaies need it Indeed this motive For his mercies sake is the Primum mobile of all motives to God for shewing his favour Hee had never delivered the Israelites out of Egypt but for his mercies sake Hee had never saved Noah in the Arke but for his mercies sake but above all Hee had never sent his Sonne to save the world but for his mercies sake And how then can I doubt and not rather be confident that for his mercies sake hee will also deliver my soule and save mee Never therefore my soule looke after any further motives for upon this motive will I set up my rest His mercie shall be both my Anchor and my harbour it shall bee both my Armour and my Fortresse it shall be both my ransome and my garland it shall bee both my deliverance and my salvation And now O God thou seest the manifold troubles I am in thou seest how weake I am thou seest how my bones are troubled thou seest how my soule is troubled and what now can thy chastening hand have more of me but onely to take away my life and even my life I would willingly make a sacrifice to appease thy displeasure Verse 5 But alas O Lord what good can it bee to thee to have mee die Can I praise thee in the dust but can I praise thee when I am turned to dust Is there remembrance of thee in death or is there hallowing of thy Name in the grave As long as I have breath in my bodie I can praise thy Name unworthily indeed but yet I can praise it As long as I am numbred among the living I can shew my selfe thy servant an unprofitable one indeed but yet a servant but if my soule and bodie bee dissolved once alas then all my service of praysing thee is at an end I cannot then doe it though I would but I cannot then will it though I should my soule will want her instruments with which thy praises should be sounded O vile death I hate thee for nothing so much as for thy hindring mee in this service O cruell grave I abhorre thee so much for nothing as for thy stopping my mouth for this praysing O mercifull God If I could but remember thee in death I would never bee loath to die If I could but praise thee in the grave I would willingly goe to it of my selfe and never bee carried to it by force but alas death is forgetfull the grave is dumbe and therefore deliver my soule O God save mee for thy mercies sake It is not life that is so deare unto mee but that in life I may praise thee that art so deare unto mee It is not death that is so frightfull to mee but this affrights mee in death that being dead I cannot remember thee It is not the grave that is so loathsome to mee but that in the grave I am forced to forget thee If death will spare me but to praise thee let death come and never spare mee If the grave will but let mee bee sensible of thee the grave shall come and bee welcome to me but alas death hath no mercie the grave hath no sense and therfore return O Lord and deliver my soule save mee for thy mercies sake Who knowes not that death is a mortall enemie to all naturall memory and therefore makes all men at last to end in a Lethargie and what hope then of remembring thee in death Who knows not that the grave never opens its mouth to let out any thing but still to take in and what meanes then of praising thee in the grave If I could but get death to learne the Art of memory or if I could but heare the grave to say once it had enough I could then like to have some dealing with death some traffique with the grave but alas deaths Lethargie is incurable the graves mouth is insatiable and therefore returne O Lord and deliver my soule save mee for thy mercies sake But doth Davids prayer tend to this that hee may not see death is this the intent of his request that hee may not descend into the pit doth hee pray to bee as Enoch or Elias taken from the earth without returning into earth Alas hee knowes this to bee either altogether impossible or altogether unlikely and therfore no likely request to bee made
by so wise a man This therefore is certainely the intent of his prayer that God will not so chasten him in his indignation as to leave him in the hands of death but that as death receives him from life and delivers him to the grave so the grave receiving him from death may deliver him againe to life that as Christ commanded his Apostles to shake off the dust from their feet when they came into any unworthy house and to come away so hee comming into this unworthy house of death the dungeon of the grave may bee able to shake off the dust from his feet and by the power of of him that said Lazarus come forth have his soule and bodie reunited againe and so united bee admitted into the quire of Saints and Angels eternally to sing the eternall Allelujah For as the departing of the soule from the bodie is the death of the bodie so the dividing of the bodie from the soule is a kinde of death to the souler that it is not as it would bee nor fully enjoyes it selfe untill it can meete with the bodie and bee united to it againe For though it find the bodie here but a base cottage or rather a loathsome prison yet it shall finde it there a glorious Palace or rather a holy Temple consecrated to God and therefore untill this bee had it will not fully be accomplished that is here prayed for Returne O God and deliver my soule save mee for thy mercies sake The remembrance of this that I cannot rememember thee in death makes mee forgetfull of my selfe in life and because I cannot praise thee nor pray to thee in the grave it makes me to sigh and weepe to thee in my bed and what I want in continuance to supply with violence Verse 6 For I am weary with my sighing all the night make I my bed to swimme I water my cowch with my teares Oh let my remembring thee in life supply the place of my forgetting thee in death and when I lye in my grave senslesse and silent bee pleased to remember how I have lyen in my bed sighing and weeping My sinnes as being disordinate passions make me undergo a passive pennance and this hath beene my weaknesse my trouble of bones and my trouble of soule but being also disordinate actions they make mee liable also to doe active pennance and what is this but my sighing and my weeping and though I cannot act sorrow so well as sinne yet my bed and my couch can be witnesses of my sorrow as well as of my sinne Mine eyes indeed chiefly have done the pennance because mine eyes first began the offence if mine eyes had not set mee first on fire mine eyes had not shed such showers of teares but now how could burning bee quenched but with water how burning rising from mine eyes but with water falling from mine eyes But yet why should my bed suffer for my bed had no hand in the fault of mine eyes but alas how could my bed but prove a Deodand which so apparently I may say did Movere ad mortem Though my bed were not principall in the act yet my bed was accessary to the fact as receiving unlawfull and stollen pleasures But though my sinnes indeed bee my greatest enemies yet there are personall enemies that have their malignity also which though I cannot say they trouble mee as ill yet I may truely say they trouble mee as well as these for mine eye is consumed because of griefe Verse 7 and is waxen old because of all mine enemies You may say perhaps that my sighes were feigned and that my teares were counterfeit but the consumption of mine eye is a witnesse of my sorrow without exception that if my passive pennance before were not cause sufficient at least my active pennance now gives mee just cause to say Was ever sorrow like my sorrow was ever griefe like this of mine And all this pennance I suffer and doe because of mine enemies for how could I chuse but sigh and weepe to see the vile the execrable dealing of mine enemies that persecute me in their hearts and yet speake peace with their mouthes that lay shares to entrap mee and yet beare mee in hand it shall be for my good that prejudice my cause as if it would never succeed and prejudicate my prayers as if they would never bee heard But what meanes David by this will not his weeping make his enemies rejoyce the more will not the seeing him thus dejected make them the more insulting over him will they not bee readie to say Is this hee that encountered a Lion and a Beare Hee that entred combate with a Giant the terrour of a whole Armie and now to fall a crying one cannot tell for what But David is a better husband of his teares then to spend them idly hee knowes for what hee spends them because of his enemies indeed but not for feare of his enemies They are neither teares of feare for whom should hee feare that hath God on his side Nor teares of vaine glory for why then should hee shed them in the night when none can see them Nor teares of joy for how then should they make him looke old which is an effect of griefe but they are tears of supplication and teares of compassion First of supplication that God will either convert them or confound them and not converting then teares of compassion to thinke of their confusion For such is the tendernesse of a godly eye that it hath teares to shed even for enemies And when these two waters the teares of supplication and the teares of compassion meet together what mervaile if they make a floud in Davids bed seeing the concourse of like waters made the great Deluge in the whole world for what are his teares of supplication but as the waters that rose from the springs of the earth and what are his teares of compassion but as the waters that fell from the Cataracts of heaven Or is it not perhaps that David makes his enemies here a figure of his sinnes which are indeed his greatest enemies as also that hee makes his owne passion a figure of Christs compassion which was indeed one of his passions for then hee wept over Ierusalem in compassion of their confusion when with teares of supplication hee could not prevaile with them in compassing their conversion when they would not heare him how often hee would have gathered them together as a Hen gathereth her Chickens with teares of supplication Then they heare him say There shall not a stone be left upon another which shall not be cast down with teares of compassion I grieve not so much that mine eye is waxen old though it bee waxen old with griefe as I grieve to see that my enemies have no eyes at all at least no eyes but of malice who rejoyce at my afflictions and make themselves as merry with my weeping eyes as the Philistims made themselves with Sampsons
Was it not importunity which Christ used to Peter when thrice together hee asked him Simon sonne of Ionas lovest thou mee Indeed Peter seemed not well pleas'd with this importunity but God never was never will bee found to bee displeased with it Never therefore feare to bee importunatewith God but feare rather thou canst never bee importunate enough for so highly is God pleased or rather indeed delighted with our importunity in praying that hee oftentimes denies the first suit of his servants because he would bee importun'd by a second oftentimes the second because hee would have a third Indeed that which in suits to men is importunitie in suits to God is fervencie and perseverance and seemes to resemble the nature of the Seraphims where single prayer but of ordinary Angels of whom as some fell so this may faile and often doth the other never But though importunity bee to God most pleasing alwaies yet to us it is then most necessary when the cheerfull face of God is turned into frownes and when there is a justly conceived feare of the continuance of his anger and have not I just cause to feare it having the arrowes of his anger sticking so fast in mee if hee had meant to make me but a Butt at which to shoot his arrows he would quickly I suppose have taken them up againe but now that hee leaves them sticking in mee what can I think but that he meanes to make mee his quiver and then I may looke long enough before hee come to plucke them out They are arrows indeed that are fethered with swiftnesse and headed with sharpnesse and to give them a force in flying they are shot I may say out of his Crosse-bow I am sure his bow of crosses for no arrowes can flie so fast none pierce so deep as the crosses afflictions with which he hath surprized me I may truly say surprized me seeing when I thought my self most safe and said I shall never be moved even then these arrows of his anger lighted upō me and stick so fast in my flesh that no arm but his that shot them is ever able to draw them forth Oh then as thou hast stretched forth thine arme of anger O God to shoot these arrowes at mee So stretch forth thine arme of mercy to draw them forth that I may rather sing Hymns then Dyrges unto thee and that thou maist shew thy power as well in pardoning as thou hast done in condemning I alas am as an Anvile under two hammers one of thine anger another of my sinne both of them beating incessantly upon mee the hammer of thine anger beating upon my flesh and making that unsound the hammer of my sin beating upon my bones and making them unquiet although indeed both beat upon both but thine anger more upon my flesh as being more sensible my sin more upon my bones as being more obdurate Gods anger and sin are the two efficient causes of all misery but the Procatarkticke cause indeed is sin Gods anger like the house that Sampson pulled upon his own head falls not upon us but when we pull it upon our selves by sinne I know by the unsoundnesse of my flesh that God is angry with me for if it were not for his anger my flesh would bee sound but what soundnesse can be in it now when Gods angry hand lies beating upon it continually and never ceaseth I know by the unquietnes of my bones that I have sinne in my bosome for if it were not for sinne my bones would bee quiet But what quietnesse can bee in them now when sin lies gnawing upon them incessantly with the worme of remorse one would thinke my bones were farre enough removed and closely enough hidden from sins doing them any hurt yet see the searching nature the venemous poyson of sinne which pierceth through my flesh and makes unquietnesse in my very bones I know my flesh is guilty of many faults by which it justly deserves unsoundnesse but what have my bones done for they minister no fuell to the flames of my fleshes sensuality and why then should they bee troubled But are not my bones supporters of my flesh and are they not by this at least accessary to my fleshes faults as accessaries then they are subject to the same punishment the flesh it selfe is which is the principall I cannot but wonder at this condition in my selfe there is nothing I more loath then sinne yet nothing I more willingly embrace nothing that I more abhorre yet nothing I more readily entertaine what mervaile then if their bee unsoundnesse in my flesh and unquietnesse in my bones when I will needes bee taking so turbulent a guest so deadly a poyson as sinne is into my bosome and make an idoll of that which I know so well to bee a monster As a man that stands in the water as long as it comes but to his middle or but up to his shoulders endures and beares it safty enough but when it comes once to goe over his head it then overwhelmes and presently strangles him such alas am I my sinne a long time came I may say but up to my shoulders and then I thought my selfe safe enough now God knowes I am over head and eares in sinne and so overwhelmed with it that my breath is taken from mee and I have not so much as any breath of Grace remaining in me No strength is so great but it may be overburdened though Sampson went light away with the gates of Azzah yet when a whole house fell upon him it crushed him to death And such alas am I I have had sin as a burden upon mee ever since I was borne but bore them a long time as light as Sampson did the gates of Azzah but now that I have pulled a whole house of sinne upon mee how can I chuse but be crushed to death with so great a weight And crushed O my Soule thou shouldst be indeed if God for all his anger did not take some pitty on thee and for all his displeasure did not stay his hand from further chastening thee I know O Lord I have done most foolishly to let my sores runne so long without seeking for helpe For now Verse 5 My wounds stinke and are corrupt in as ill a case as Lazarus body was when it had beene foure daies buried enough to make any man despaire that did not know thee as I doe For doe not I know that Nullum tempus occurrit tibi doe not I know thou hast as well wisedome to remedy my foolishnesse as power to cure my wounds Could the grave hold Lazarus when thou didst but open thy mouth to call him forth No more can the corruption of my sores bee any hinderance to their healing when thy pleasure is to have them be cured Although therfore I have done my owne discretion wrong to deferre my care yet I will not doe thy power wrong to despaire of thy cure for how should I despair who know
nothing so much vexed as with thraldome and in thraldome alas in miserable thraldome is my soule detained and therefore O Lord How long How long shall my soule bee restrained of her liberty How long shall I lye groaning in the dungeon of captivity How long shall no date bee set to give a period to my thraldome My soule I may say is all heart and therefore every trouble it feeles must needs go to the heart yet none so deepe as this that I am forced to cry to thee out of the deepe and cannot yet ascend out of this vale of misery And therefore O Lord how long How long shall I live in the death of this feare the feare of death How long shall I desire to bee dissolved that being reunited againe I may never more be dissolved How long shall my immortall soule bee kept from the possession of her immortality from the immortality of her possession If the Saints in heaven who now tread time under their feet doe yet continue this question still to ask How long How long O Lord holy and true wilt thou not avenge our blood on them that live in the earth Is it mervaile that I who live under the tyrannie of time should beginne this question to aske how long How long O Lord mercifull and just wilt thou not avenge me on the world and sathan for the wrongs they have done mee How long shall I bee kept from saying O Death where is thy sting O grave where is thy victorie How long shall the Angell with the flaming sword keepe mee from entring againe into Paradise Where is the morning of joy I promised to my selfe when I said sorrow may bee in the evening but joy commeth in the morning For how many evenings how many tedious nights of sorrow have I endured and yet can see no morning of joy no dawning of morning toward Where is the truth of that Aphorisme Dolor si gravis Brevis for what dolour so grievous as this of my soule and yet O Lord how long How long shall I stand complaining and say my soule is troubled Is it not that I shall never cease to say my soule is troubled till he return again who once said for me that his soule was troubled For alas his soule should never have beene troubled but to take away amongst others the trouble of mine seeing hee is the sacrifice for all our sinnes and with his stripes we are healed And now therefore O Lord how long How long wilt thou turne away thy face and not shew me again the light of thy countenance How long wilt thou absent thy self from me and not afford me the joy of thy presence How long wilt thou bee going still farther from mee and not so much as once offer to returne Verse 4 Oh returne at last and deliver my soule save mee for thy mercies sake for alas O Lord all my troubles are come upon mee because thou wentst from mee all my grievance is long of thine absence for as long as thou wert with mee and that I had thy presence my soule was at quiet my bones were at rest and I enjoyed then a sweete and pleasing calme over all my parts but as soone as thou departedst from mee and didst but turn away thy face my calme was presently turned into a tempest a violent tempest of thunder and lightening Thunder of thy rebuking and lightening of thine anger that if thou stay not thy hand from chastening and return the sooner I shall never bee able to hold out living to taste of thy mercie Saint Peter was never so neere drowning when hee cried out to Christ Lord save mee or else I perish as David is now neere sinking in the pit of perdition if God returne not speedily and deliver his soule But what speake I of David as though it were not my owne case and if my danger bee as great shall not my prayer be as earnest or can I finde a better way of saving then thy returning No O Lord for if thou returne I am sure thou wilt not I know thou canst not leave thy mercy behind and mercie when it comes I know it cannot I am sure it will not ever suffer it to bee perdition For though my soul were at the pits brink and readie to fall in yet even then would mercie put forth her hand and save mee Thou requirest mee to returne to thee and alas O Lord how can I if thou returne not to mee first can I come to thee unlesse thou draw mee and canst thou draw mee to thee if thou withdraw thy selfe from mee I know thou returnest continually to dispose and order the Oeconomie of thy creatures but this returning is in thy providence and is not that which I desire I know thou returnest often to visit and judge the sinnes of the world as thou didst at Sodome but this returning is in thy justice and therefore neither is this returning for my turn but thou hast a returning in Grace and favour when thou returnest to mee to make mee returne to thee a returning from thine anger to thy patience from thine indignation to thy loving kindnesse and this is the returning which I so earnestly desire and sue for But O my soule before God returne in this manner to thee thou must looke to heare him expostulate with thee in this manner Alas my Creature what hast thou done to bring these troubles upon thy selfe Did I not make thee at first a sound bodie and did I not give it a strong constitution and how happens it now that thy bones should bee troubled Did I not breathe into it a perfect soule and gave it endowments after mine owne image and how comes it now to bee so quite out of order and so cleane bereft of all my graces Thou wilt perhaps answer It is true O Lord my bones are troubled and how can they chuse seeing thou tookest one of them away from mee which thou gavest mee at first My soule also is troubled and how can it chuse seeing thou didst suffer the Serpent in Paradise to disturb and trouble it But may not God then justly reply I took one of thy bones from thee indeed but it was to make thee an helper I let in the Serpent into Paradise indeed but it was to try thee for thy better perfecting and when I saw thee so foolishly hurt thy selfe with thy helper and so easily wonne from mee by a Tempter had I not just cause to leave thee to them for whom thou leftest me and now forlorne wretch what hast thou to say unlesse thou have leave to say Return O Lord and deliver my soule save mee for thy mercies sake But what more necessity is there of Gods returning to deliver his soule then there was before to heale his bones and in that case he spake not a word of returning and why should hee more importune it now Is it not that many diseases may be well enough cured onely by