Angells to the latter the un-godly are hurried and tumbled by cursed fiends and staring ghosts Here indeede the wicked spend their dayes in mirth Iob. 21.13 Ps 49.14 but in a moment they goe downe to the grave They are layed like sheepe in the grave death shall feede on them and the upright shall have dominion over them in the morning and their beauty shall consume in the grave from their dwelling From thence there is noe redemption Noe noe there is a greate gulfe Lu 16.26 2. Pet. 3.12 and greater there will be when the earth shall be dissolved and the elements shall melt with fervent heate Then onely heaven and hell shall remaine and from either of these there is noe departure The wicked would be freed out of hell but cannot the godly neither can nor would be deprived of heaven Lu 16.26 Betweene us and you said Abraham to Dives there is a greate gulfe fixed so that they which would passe from hence to you cannot neither can they passe to us which would come from thence Doest thou heare that ô my perplexed soule Doest thou know that thy sentence will be either Come thou blessed or Depart thou cursed Mat. 25 34. vers 41 Doest thou consider that that sentence will be immediately so soone as thou shalt take thy flight from my body O my conscience why hast thou not checked mee for those sinnes of mine which have deserved the sentence of horrour O my soule Ps 89.48 why hast thou forgotten that thou must leave my body Dye I must for what man is hee that liveth and shall not see death Shall hee deliver his soule from the hand of the grave The righteous and the reprobate even both of them shall assuredly dye but the latter shall have a second death the former by death shall enter into life Ps 1.4 The wicked shall be as chaffe which the wind driveth away from the face of the earth and when they dye they shall be cast into un-quenchable fire Mat 3.12 Mat 13 30. Io 12.24 but the righteous shall be like the wheate which shall be gathered into the barne But first they must be sowed before they be reaped Except a corne of wheate fall into the ground and dye it abideth alone but if it dye it bringeth forth much fruit They dye to sinne in their regeneration and they dye by reason of sinne at their change but this all is that they may spring up in glory Lord since I needs must dye let mee dye in thy favour that I may live for ever in thy celestiall Kingdome Pardon all the sinnes I have committed especially my forgetfullnesse of the time of my dissolution So long as I live let mee repent mee of my life and remember my death Give mee as certaine an assurance of a life in glory as I know and am certaine of a temporall death So shall my life here be spent in sorrow for my sinnes and by death I shall passe to those mansions of eternitie I know that I shall dye I begge that I may live Let my sinne here have a death in mee Col. 3.3 and let my soule hereafter have a life for ever with Christ in God 2. A godly preparation against the minuit of death MY soule is bowed downe to the dust Ps 44.25 my belly cleaveth unto the earth and that litle all that is left of my declining body hasteneth apace to the chambers of death Mee think's I heare my greate Creatour speaking unto mee as hee did once to Hezekiah lying on his sick bed Is 38.1 and saying Set thine house in order for thou shalt dye and not live But what house is that which I must set in order Is it my body Alas I have noe power to order that I have referred it to the Physitians and they instead of composing it and regulating it for the recoverie of my health doe but vexe it with draggs and torment it with medicines I feele the hand of death lying hard upon mee and seizing upon every part and member of my body But if it be not the house of my body is it then my house-hold or familie which I must set in order To this indeede I am instructed even by common civility for I have a journie to take a long and a farre journie and never more shall I returne to this place of miserie I must therfore bid my people farewell I must give them a charge and tell them what my pleasure what my desire is they should performe in my absence and that is onely to be obedient to the lawes of my God But yet mee think's this is not all There is yet another house which I must set in order a house of farre more consequence to mee then either of the other The poore rotten house of my body is ready to fall and to come to ruine by the stormes of my sicknesse Yet I strive to mend it and to support it by the various potions and severall dose's prescribed mee by the learned but all I believe will not prevaile downe it must and fall into ashes My familie and house-hold may long continue allthough I depart and leave them behind mee But all this while what have I done for my inner house What course have I taken for my sinfull soule which must shortly appeare at the greate tribunall That ô that is the house which I must order where the King of Kings doeth looke for entertainment If that be not empty Mat 12 44. swept and garnshed it can never content my husband my Lord my Iesus First therfore by an humble confession I will empty it of all pollutions and uncleanesses which have long obscured themselves and lurked in the corners Then will I sweepe it by repentance watering it with my teares and afterwards I will besiech my God to adorne and garnish it with his spirituall graces Ps 4.4 I now beginne I blesse my God to commune with mine owne heart upon my bed and to search out mine iniquities O my God be pleased to give mee a quick apprehension of all mine enormities Sharpen my memorie and rowze up and awake my sleeping conscience that I may muster up all my sinnes in order and examine the wicked and sinfull passages of my life I will beginne with mine infancie and proceede through all the crooked turnings and by-paths of my life even unto this very minuit of my sorrow I will search 1. What sinnes I have committed 2. How long they have dwelt with mee 3. What chidings and contentions I had in my conscience for the committing of them 4. How often I repented for them 5. How true that repentance was 6. What amendment did follow upon that repentance 7. What thankfullnesse I rendered unto God for that repentance 8. What joy I receaved in my new obedience 9. What holy resolutions I made to continue in the way of the commandements And when I have met with a sinne I will
fidelitie nor his religion could preserve him from the sentence of a temporall death O what would I not doe to call him back againe What would I not give to have him restored to life againe But all that I can either doe or give cannot perswade his soule to returne back to its prison Were I the most rich and wealthie in the world yet could not my treasures urchase his returne Noe noe I am well assured of the trueth of the Psalmist who saith that They who trust in their wealth Ps 49.6 and boast themselves in the multitude of their riches vers 7. none of them can by any meanes redeeme his brother nor give to God a ransome for him Well then seing that I cannot fetch him from the grave I will yet send up my sighes towards the place where hee is blessed This I may doe without any check either of reason or religion It was a curse which God did Inflict upon Iehojakim for his sinnes Ier 22.17 even for his coveteousnesse for his oppression and for his violence vers 18 That they should not lament for him saying Ah my brother But on the contrarie when Deborah though she was but Rebeckah's nurse was buried beneath Bethel under an oake Gen 35.8 the name of it was called Allon-Bachuth the oake of weeping When the enemies of David were sisited with sicknesse Ps 35.14 hee behaved himselfe as though they had beene his friends or his brethren yea hee bowed downe heavily as one that mourneth for his mother But hee who now is dead was not mine enemie but my friend yea and noe common friend but a brother yea and not a brother in the flesh so much as in affection even as deare as a mother why then should I not sorrow for the losse of such a brother I will grieve I will lament when I remember the love and the courtesies which hee shewed unto mee and I will speake in the language of the Church to Christ and say O thou that wert my brother Cant 8.1 that sucked the breasts of my mother when I should find thee without I would kisse thee yet I should not be despised I will lament him as David did Saul and Ionathan and say 2. Sam. 1.19 vers 23 vers 26 The beautie of Israël is dead hee was lovely and pleasant in his life I am distressed for thee my brother very pleasant hast thou beene unto mee thy love to mee was wonderfull passing the love of women But what advantage to the dead are the teares of the living Can my sighes inspire life into his bosome Can a draught of my teares fetch him back againe to life O noe 't is this 't is this therfore that doeth heighten and increase my sorrowes even that my teares cannot recover him whom I lament But cease fond woman cease thy sobbs and cryes of discontent By the extreamitie of thy passion thou mayst hasten to his grave yet if thâ—… murderest thy selfe with excessive sorrow thy soule may be deprived of the locietie of his 'T is true indeede 't is most true Litle can I expect to come to heaven if I violently force my selfe from the earth Why then doe I take on as if I either suspected his happinesse or doubted of following him What comfore can it bring to his body of earth to have iâ— cabined in the grave with his dispersing asheâ— The dust of both of us may mixe in the vault and yet noe joy arise to our senselesse asher If his earth was that which drew mine affertion I see my fondnesse in the corruption of that earth but if his gracious soule was the object of my love I must strive to come where that surviveth To heaven hee 's gone and to heaven I 'll hasten and because I will goe the surest way I will walke in those paths which faith and patience shall direct mee in I will noe more disturbe the peace of my mind since that cannot helpe mee to the companie of him Weepe indeede I doe I am enforced unto it 't is the law of nature 't is an act of necessitie I cannot avoide it Yet though I weepe I will labour for content and since my God as I undoubtedly believe hath beene pleased to crowne my brother with glory I will beseech him to comfort mee here with his grace I will not immoderately weepe lest I injure my selfe I will not Weepe without hope lest I offend my Maker but that I may weepe as I should and hope as I ought live as I am required I will humble my selfe at the feete of him to whom my brother is gone and I will pray unto him and say The Prayer ALl mighty God ever-lasting father Is 9.6 thou in whom wee live and move and have pur beeing be pleased to take pittie upon thy distressed servant grieving for the losse of a â—eloved brother Thou knowest Lord how â—eerely our hearts were knitt in affection and â—herfore how justly I lament my losse Beâ—hold how these teares doe witnesse my love and imitate that oyntment on Aaron's head Ps 133.2 which went downe to the skirts of his out ward garments Behold how these dropps like that deaw of Harmon and that deaw which descended upon the mountaines of Zion vers 3. doe arise from that unitie which thou hast commanded O how shall I beare the losse of him whom thou in thy law didst charge mee to love Thou ô God didst tye us together in the bond of love yet thou thy selfe hast seperated him from my sight But since it was thy pleasure to receave him to thy selfe be pleased allso to hasten my journie to him Give mee patience to endure this stroake of thy scourge and thankfully to acknowledge thy goodnesse in his happinesse Him thou hast taken fronâ— the evills to come Rom 7 24. ô deliver mee allso from thiâ— body of death Make mee setle mine affectioâ— onely upon thee that my delight may be wholly in thy righteous lawes Give mee a sight of my sinnes for which I have not grieved so much as for the losse of my deceased brother and turne all my teares into a godly sorrow for offending thy majestie Be thou unto mee a father in thy provident care and a brother in thy love that all my wants may be supplyed by thy sufficience On earth I see there is nothing permanent Lord let my treasure be stored in heaven Mat 6.21 and then where my treasure is let my heart be allso When it shall be thy pleasure to free mee from this tabernacle of flesh ô let mee be receaved into that quire of Saints whereof I doubt not but my brother is a joyfull member Graunt ô my God that when I have passed the waves of this troublesome world I may sing tryumphant Halelujahs to thy praise and glory through the merits of him who is mine elder brother even Iesus Christ my onely Lord and Saviour Amen subject 24 THE TWENTIE-FOURTH
Ier 3.22 And this is hee to whom Israel replyeth and saith vers 23 Behold wee come unto thee for thou art the Lord our God Truely in vaine is salvation hoped for from the hills and from the multitude of mountaines truely the Lord our God is the salvation of Israel This is hee who promiseth unto Zion c 30.17 saying I will restore health unto thee and I will heale thee of thy wounds saith the Lord because they called thee an out-cast saying This is Zion whom no man seeketh after This is the same Lord to whom the people of Israel addressed themselves Hos 6.1 when they said Come let us returne unto the Lord for hee hath torne and hee will heale us hee hath smitten and hee will bind us up Since then my God hath cured both lands and waters and bodies and soules Since hee woundeth and hee healeth none can deliver out of his hand Since hee bringeth downe to the grave and bringeth up Since hee woundeth and his hands make whole Since it is hee onely who forgiveth all our iniquities healeth all our diseases and saveth our lives from destruction Since it is hee that bindeth up the breach of his people and healeth the stroake of their wound Since it was hee that promised to penitent Iudah that hee would restore comforts to him and to his mourners Since it is hee alone who is the salvation of Israël Since it is hee that promised unto Zion to restore health unto her and to heale her of her wounds I will resolve therfore with the people of Israel to returne unto him for hee hath torne mee and hee alone can heale mee hee hath smitten mee and hee alone can bind mee up To him to him will I humbly sue for the cure of my wounded and distressed soule and to him will I willingly submitt my weake and feeble body I will powre out my soule unto him I will send up my supplications unto him and will pray and say The Prayer GReate Creatour full of compassion who both sendest sicknesse and restorest health be thou graciously pleased I most humbly beseech thee to turne thy wrath from thy distressed servant Thy hand ô Lord is heavie upon mee in this languishing consumption and the sting of my transgressions pierceth mee with sharpe and grievous torments Yet I must confesse ô my God that my sufferances doe not any wayes equall mine offences nor can the paines which I endure satisfie thee mine offended Lord for the least of my transgressions O my sinnes are upon mee Eze 33.10 and I pine away in the punishment for them how then shall I live My body languisheth my flesh consumeth Ps 22.15 Ps 39.11 Iob 33 19. vers 20 and now am I very neere drawne unto the dust of death Thou with thy rebukes doest correct mee for mine iniquities thou makest my beautie to consume away like a moath I am chastened with paine upon my bed and the multitude of my bones with strong paine so that my life abhorreth bread and my soule the daintie meate that is to be desired vers 21 My flesh is consumed away that it cannot be seene and my bones that were not seene vers 22 stick out My soule draweth neere unto the grave and my life to the destroyers But yet I know that with thee ô God is compassion Mat 9.12 and tender mercies The whole have noe neede of the Physitian but such as I who am sick and in miserie O that it might be sayd of mee as it was by Mary concerning her brother Lazarus Io 11.3 even that Shee whom thou lovest is sick O my God make mee thy friend in heart and soule and graunt that I may expresse it in my dutifull obedience to all thy commandements and then be thou my friend in thy succour and reliefe Ps 41.1 vers 2. Deliver mee now in this time of trouble preserve mee and If it may be thy good pleasure keepe mee alive make mee blessed upon the earth and deliver mee not over into the hands of death vers 3. Lord strengthen mee upon this my bed of languishing make thou turne thou all my bed in my sicknesse Thou hast chastened mee sore Ps 118.18 Ps 116.8 vers 9. Ps 143.6 ô give mee not over unto death but deliver my soule from death mine eyes from teares and my feete from falling that I may walke before thee in the land of the living Vnto thee ô my God doe I stretch forth my hands my soule thirsteth for thee as a thirstie land vers 7. Heare mee speedily ô Lord my spirit faileth hide not thy face from mee for I am become like unto them that goe downe into the pit Thou hast promised by thine Apostle Iam 5.15 that the prayer of faith shall save the sick and that thou wilt raise him up Lord I pray unto thee strengthen thou my faith I am sick Lord raise thou mee up and make good unto mee that thy promise by thy holy Apostle Heale mee ô Lord Ier 17.14 and I shall be healed save mee and I shall be saved for thou art my praise O Lord I call upon thee Ps 141.1 hast thee unto mee consider my voyce now I cry unto thee and restore mee to health But howsoever if thou hast otherwise determined of mee ô my Iesus cleanse thou mee by thy blood and cure my soule by the merits of thy passion My sinnes I must confesse are the cause of my sicknesse but doe thou ô God Ps 44.22 blott out as a thick clowde my transgressions as a clowde my sinnes returne unto mee for thou hast redeemed mee O give mee patience in this time of adversitie give mee comfort in the examples of thy mercy and give mee assurance of thy love in the sanctifying of this sicknesse unto mee As my body doeth dayly draw neerer to the earth so make my soule allso dayly draw neerer unto heaven If it may be thy pleasure to restore mee to health againe ô let it be thy mercy allso to renew mine obedience But if thou art resolved by this disease to free mee from the labours of this wearisome world and to bring mee downe to my grave for thy Christs sake o my mercifull and indulgent father bring thou my soule into thy celestiall paradise O graunt that my sinnes may consume farre faster then doeth my flesh and as thou takest away the strength of my body so be pleased to adde unto the strength of my faith I am thine ô Saviour and cost thee deere even the very blood that issued from thy crucified body be thou allso mine ô Iesus both now and for ever Abate the temptations â—… Satan and arme mee with strength to resist his suggestions Ravish my soule with the love of thy selfe that so I may with willingnesse forsake the vanities of this world with readinesse lay downe this tabernacle of flesh and with comfort that my soule may
makest sick in smiting by reason of my sinnes yet in considence and full assurance of thy mercy I commit the keeping of my soule unto thee as unto a faithfull Creatour O let that live and it shall praise thee for in thee doe I trust let mee not be confounded neither let mee despaire of the greatnesse of thy mercies Ps 23.4 And though now I walke in the shadow of death yet I know that it is in thy power to restore mee to health Lord if it may stand with thy secret will be pleased to recover mee that I may glorifie thy goodnesse in thy worke of power Blesse all the lawfull meanes that shall be used for that purpose Give skill to the Physitians vertue to the medicines strength to my spirits and health to my body Let mee recover my strength that I may imploy it in thy service and restore mee to health that I may be more active in mine obedience to all thy commandements But if otherwise thou hast determined and resolvest at this time to make mee as water spilt upon the ground 2. Sam. 14.14 graunt mee a willing and ready submission to thy decree Either abate the torments of mine afflicted body or increase my patience that I may not offend thee in my sufferings Make mee to magnifie thee whether by life or by death and graunt mee so safe a passage and conduct in the armes of thy mercy that I may be conveyed safely into Abraham's bosome Graunt this ô father for the love and merits of thy Sonne Iesus Christ my onely intercessour and redeemer in whose name words I farther call upon thee saying Our Father which art in heaven Hallowed be thy name Thy Kingdome come Thy will be done in earth as it is in heaven Give us this day our dayly bread And forgive us our trespasses as wee forgive them that trespasse against us leade us not into temptation but deliver us from evill for thine is the Kingdome the power and the glory for ever and ever Amen exercise 4 4. The consolation of the godly in the hower of death VVHerfore is light given to him that is in miserie saith holy Iob and life unto the bitter in soule Iob. 3.20 vers 21 Which long for death but it cometh not and digge for it more then for hid treasures vers 22 Which rejoyce exceedingly and are glad when they can find the grave This was the complaint of a faithfull man and may now be the lamentation of a sorrowfull woman I have grieved and I have mourned for my sinnes and my good God I blesse him for it is gratiously pleased in the bowells of his mercy and compassion to give mee an assurance of happinesse by the merits of my Iesus But when comest thou ô my sweete my longed for my desired Saviour Thou knowest my paines which draw from mee many sinsull thoughts and un-fitting cryes Thou takest notice of the cunning suggestions of my greatest adversarie and his busie allurements to rob mee of my hope Thou seest how sometimes hee would leade mee into carnall securitie and sometimes into a beliefe that my verie vicet are vertues or not seene by Thee or not to be punished by thee and sometimes againe hee striveth to hurrie mee into the verie gulfe of despaire But I know and am assured that through the merits of my Redeemer the gates of hell shall not be able to prevaile against mee Mat. 16 18. Io 13.1 Prov. 12.28 for whom thou lovest thou wilt love unto the end I know that in the way of righteousnesse there is life and in the path-way thereof there is noe death Hence away therfore yee fowle fiends and rebellious tempters What doe yee here fawning and grinning hoping to betray a penitent soule These teares which I shed for the wounds that I made in the body of my Saviour by my piercing sinns are too pretious a water for you to hath in too choyce a wine for you to tast of here are noe hopes for the enemies of mine indulgent Iesus Though my groanes alas cannot be free from the pollution of sinne yet they shall not advantage you in what yee desire Ps 119.115 Away from mee yee wicked ones I will keepe the commandements of my God Thinke not to affright mee with my approaching death Phil. 1.23 for I desire to be dissolved and to be with Christ Death I feare thee not come come and trye thy power but know that thy countenance which is so terrible to reprobates is the producer of joy comfort to my wearied heart Thou poore feeble despised nothing what power or strength is left thee to boast of Grave why gapest thou why standest thou so open as if thou didst hope to tryumph Hos 13 14. and conquer mee My Christ did threaten to be thy plagues ô death my Iesus did resolve to be thy destruction ô grave and that repentance should be hid from his eyes Is 25.8 1 Cor 15.54 Hee promised to swallow up death in victorie and to wipe away teares from off all faces This hee did promise and this hee hath performed for by his blessed Apostle I am well assured that death it selfe is swallowed up in victorie Now I dare challenge you ô yee impotent and powerlesse adversaries I dare scorne vers 55 and contemne you O death where is thy sting O grave where is thy victorie Thy sting ô death was pullud out by him who is the Lord of life The strength of thy sting was that law which was fullfilled by my mercifull Iesus Hos 13 14. Ps 49.15 Rom 14.9 Hee hee hath ransomed mee from the power of the grave hath redeemed mee from death Hee hath redeemed my soule from the power of hell for hee shall receave mee To this end hee dyed and rose againe re-vived that hee might be Lord both of the dead and of the living Ps 68.20 Ps 48.14 Rom 14 7. vers 8. Hee that is my God is the God of salvation unto whom belong the issues from death This God is my God for ever and ever hee shall be my guide even unto death I live not to my selfe nor doe I dye unto my selfe for whether I live I live unto the Lord whether I dye I dye unto the Lord whether I live therfore Phil 1.20 or dye I am the Lord 's Christ shall be magnified in my body whether it be by life or by death for to mee to live is Christ vers 21 Heb. 12 18. vers 22 vers 23 vers 24 and to dye is gaine I come not to the mount that might not be touched nor to blacknesse and darknesse and tempest but I come unto mount Sion to the generall assemblie and â—rch of the first-borne which are written in heaven and to God the judg of all and to the spirits of just men made perfect and to Iesus the Mediatour of the new covenant and to the blood of sprinkling that
I am strongly assured that shortly even presently Ps 36.9 in thy light in thy Kingdome whereof thou thy selfe art the light Reu 21 23. Eccl. 7.1 I shall see light Now doe I with heavenly comfort assure my selfe that the day of death is better farre better then the day of my birth for I was borne to sinne Ps 23.4 but I dye to reigne Now though I walke through the valley of the shadow of death I can feare noe evill for thou art with mee thy rod and thy staffe thy comfort mee VVhat though I am counted with them that goe downe to the pit Ps 88.4 andam as a man that hath noe strength Iob. 17 1. VVhat though my breath be corrupt though my spirit be spent though my dayes be extinct and though the graves be ready for mee vers 13 VVhat though the grave be mine house and presently I shall make my bed in the darknesse VVhat though corruption vers 16 and the worme shall goe downe to the barrs of the pit and our rest shall be together in the dust VVhat though death be come up into my windowes into mine eyes Ier. 9.21 Ps 107 18. and be entered into the tabernacle of my body VVhat though my soule abhorreth all manner of meate and I draw necre unto the gates of death VVhat though my heart be sore pained within mee Ps 55.4 Ps 44.17 and the terrours of death be fallen upon mee Yet though all this be come upon mee I will not forget thee o my God neither will I deale falsly in thy covenant vers 18 My heart shall not be turned back neither shall my stepps decline from thy way noe vers 19 though thou hast sore broken mee in the place of dragons and doest cover mee with the shadow of death I am goeing now the way of all the earth Ios 23.14 and doe know in my heart and in my soule that not one thing shall faile mee which the Lord my God hath promised to his elect Now am I joyfully goeing to the gates of the grave Is 38.10 I am deprived of the residue of my yeares vers 11 vers 12 I shall behold man noe more with the inhabitants of the earth Mine age is departed and is removed from mee even as a shep-heard's tent But yet Lord Ps 39.7 what is my hope Truely my hope is even in thee I shall speedily depart then shall I joyfully be freed from sinne Mat 26 38. The soule of my Redeemer was exceeding sorrowfull even unto death and all for my sake as well as for others that I might now be joyfull and rejoyce unto life Mee think 's that voyce from heaven which was heard by the Apostle is now sounding in mine eares and saying Reu. 14 13. Blessed are the dead which dye in the Lord from hence forth yea faith the spirit that they may rest from their labours and their workes doe follow them Mee think's I find the words of the Psalmist full of truth and comfort Ps 116.15 that Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints O now mee think's like that blessed martyr Saint Stephen looking up to the heavens I see thâ—… open Act 7.55 Ps 31.5 and the glory of God and my Iesus staâ— ding on the right hand of his father I come Lord I come Into thy hands I commend my spirit for thou hast redeemed mee ô Lord thâ—… God of truth Take mee into thine armes ô God Act. 7.59 Convey mee to thy Kingdome ô Christ Lord Iesus receave my spirit Amen subject 27 The TWENTIE-SEAVENTH SUBJECT Teares in the distressed time of civill warrs The Soliloquie containing a patheticall and grievous lamentation for the present distractions both in the Church Common-wealth by reason of these cruell most bloody warrs THE EjACULATION Psal 5. vers 1. Give eare to my words ô Lord consider my meditation vers 2. Hearken unto the voyce of my cry my king and my God for unto thee will I pray SHall a trumpet be blowne in the city and the people not be afraid Amos. 3.6 Saith the Lord by the mouth of his holy Prophet A trumpet Why Lev. 25 9. Is that so dreadfull So terribleâ— I find that a trumpet of Iubilee was appointedâ— be sounded in the day of atonement throughout 〈◊〉 the land of promise when the Israelitâ— should come into it and certainly wheâ— that trumpet sounded the people rejoyced 〈◊〉 were not afraid Yea but the Lord called not to rejoycing and Iubilees when he threatned Israel by the mouth of that Prophe who was among the herdmen of Tekoa Amos. 1.1 The first sound of a trumpet that ever was heard as the Scriptures mention was a cause of trembling Ex. 19.14.15 for the third day after Mosâ— went downe from the Mount unto the people vers 16 in the morning there were thunders anâ— lightnings and a thick clowde upon the mount and the voice of the trumpet exceeding lowd so that all the people that were in the campe trembled Yea they so trembled and were so afraid when they saw the thunderings c. 20.18 and the lightâ— nings and the noise of the trumpet and the mountaine smoaking that they removed and stood a farre off vers 19 and said unto Moses Speake thou with us and wee will heare but let not God speake with us lest wee die This was the first sound of a trumpet that ever was heard and I find that this was a cause of trembling Againe I reade that the trumpet was ordained for the sounding an all arme Num. 10.5 and that o that is it which now sound 's in our eares Nothing but a point of warre nothing but newes of firâ— and fword is heard among us The â—…umpets the trumpets oh they sound they â—…nd a shrill and horrid dinne a fearfull â—…se they make in our eares and our newâ—…ced cities and our new-fortified townes â—…e encompassed as once Iericho was when â—…e trumpets of rams-hornes were blowne by â—…e priests and the people showted Ios 6 8. vers 16 Surely that â—…ay is come upon us which the Lord threatâ—…ed Ierusalem with by the mouth of his Proâ—…het for the mighty man cryeth bitterly Zeph. 1 14. vers 15 the â—…y of wrath is come upon us the day of trouble â—…d distresse the day of wastnesse and desolaâ—…on the day of darknesse and gloominesse the â—ay of cloudes and thick darknesse vers 16 the day of the â—rumpet and all-arme against the fenced cities â—nd against the high towers vers 17 Distresse is come â—pon us that we walke like blind men because we have sinned against the Lord and our blood is â—owred out as dust and our flesh is as the dung Oh that is fallen upon us which was threatâ—…ed to Egypt Our land is watered with blood Eze 32 6. wherein wee doe swimme even to the mounâ—aines and
to destroy 〈◊〉 if I but turne it upside downe so my meats â—nd my drinkes are apt to destroy mee with â—loying with surfeits Without this artificiall brightnesse mine eye cannot fixe it selfe upon any object or distinguish of colours and yet what is this to the light of the Sunne or that â—o the brightnesse of my God Lord what an â—ncouth thing it is to be in darknesse Yet thus â—ny God if hee had so decreed might all-ways ways have punished mee have taken from â—nee the sight of mine eyes Thus yea much worse then thus may hee justly be revenged on mee too and for my deedes of darknesse hee may throw mee into utter darknesse where â—hall be weeping and gnashing of teeth Mat 8.12 1. Sam. 28.8 Surely Saul did not know this power of God or hee did not remember it when hee disguised himselfe and put on other raiment and went hee â—nd two men with him and came to the witch of Endor by night and prayed her to divine unto him by the familiar Spirit and bring up Samuel againe to answer his demaunds O that Spirit is the Devill and that Devill is too familiar and yet how apt am I with Saul rather to consult with him and to follow his suggestions then to apply my selfe to the oracles of my God! This present night for ought that I know may be as sad dismall to mee as that was to the Egyptians when Pharach rose up in the night Ex 12.30 hee and all his servants and all the Egyptians and there was a greate cry in Egypt for there was not a house where there was not one dead But to prevent the feare of such a horrid judgment I will sue for compassion and beg of my God that insteed of destroying mee or any of this house with a sudden destruction hee will this night rather not onely slay my first borne mine originall sinne but allso all the abortive issue of mine actuall transgressions And though the cry be greate because my sinfull selfe am unwilling to leave them or they mee yet I will pray that the destroying Angel may come and destroy them that so my selfe my poore soule may be preserved alive Such a destruction as this would be my best preservation and such a slaughter would purchase my rejoycing These sinnes are mine enemies and those enemies whose ruine and subversion I am bound to pray for I will therfore humbly beseech my powerfull preserver to slay them to cutt them off speedily presently without any longer delay And that my prayers may be more effectuall they shall joyne with my teares in my humblest supplication for a freedome from these eneâ—ies I will imitate David Ps 42.3 and my teares shall be my meate day and night It is but â—ustice that these eyes which have wandered â—…fter enticing objects should be punished with the smart of brinish teares With such weeping eyes will I behould mine offences and on them will I looke as now I doe upon â—his burning Light that so like unto this â—hey may appeare glaring and multiplyed even greater by farre through the clowdines of mine eyes then otherwise I should view â—hem The eye is commonly a teacher of merâ—y for when it is fixed on an object full of disâ—resse it presently invite's the heart to compassion The eye of my God is never shutt never weary of pittying allthough both mine eyes and my compassion allso are seldome open Therfore mine eye shall weepe and when I weepe his eye will pittie My heart shall sigh and his heart will commiserate My whole selfe shall wholly offer up it selfe to him in my devotions and then I am assured hee will embrace mee in his armes and watch over mee by his protection I will weepe for my sinnes I will grieve for the offences of the day that is past and weeping grieving I will addresse my selfe to the keeper of Israel Ps 121.4 who neither slumbereth nor sleepeth thus I will say The Evening prayer OMniscient God who hast seene the offences which this day hath produced and for them mightest justly throw mee into the land of darknesse Vouchsafe I besiecâ— thee to behould the teares of a repenting prodigall The sinnes which I have committed I cannot number nor can I vallew thy mercies in forbearing mee so grievous an offendour The day is gone and the evening has teneth mee to my desired sleepe Lord leâ— it be thy pleasure to bury my sinnes in thâ— darknesse of oblivion and make mee afraid and ashamed to commit them any more by the light of the Sunne Let thy Christ shine iâ— my heart and warme my cold and chillâ—wed devotion that with fervency and zeale I may ever addresse my prayers unto thee O let 〈…〉 settforth before thee as incensâ— and the 〈◊〉 â—f my hands be an evening sacrifice Ps 74.16 The 〈◊〉 ô Lord is thine and the night is likewise thine doe thou take mee this night Ps 91.5 vers 6. into thy holy protection Let mâ— not be afraid for the terroâ— by night nor for thâ— pestilence that walketh iâ—…arknesse O thoâ— that hast made the Moonâ—… and the Starres tâ— governe the night Ps 136 9. shine mercifully into mâ— darke and polluted conscience and reveaâ—… unto mee all the errours of my life that aâ— the gate of thy mercy I may begge for remision The Levites did thanke 1. Chr. 23 30. and praise thee â—s well at evening as in the morning Lord â—hough I am weake though I am unworthy â—et so well as I can so well as thou art pleaâ—ed to enable thee thereto I praise and â—lesse thy glorious name for all thy mercies which thou hast shewed unto mee and in â—articular for thy protection this day which â—s past One Lamb by thine appointment Ex 29.39 â—…as to be offered at evening day by day by thy â—hildren of Israel My soule ô Lord should â—e that Lamb and my selfe an Israelite but â—…y soule is blemished I my selfe am rebelâ—…ous To thee therfore doe I offer not my â—olluted soule as it is full of uncleanesse but â—ather that innocent Lamb of thee my God â—…hich taketh away the sinnes of the world most â—umbly besieching thee to hearken unto him â—…terceding for mee and by his death and â—assion to graunt mee pardon for mine offenâ—es First seale unto my soule the remission â—f my sinnes and then let mee sleepe and â—est in thee Refresh my wearied limbs with â— comfortable repose and graunt that I â—…ay neither offend thee by dreames and fanâ—asies nor displease thee with excessive and â—mmoderate sleepe Preserve mee from the â—angers of fire stormes tempests theeves â—nd whatsoëver else may hurt my person or â—state All is thine doe thoâ—… be the keeper â—nd protectour of all Thou hast promised by thy Prophet that the righteous shall enteâ— into peace Is 57.2 and rest in their beds Gratiouâ— father cover mee with the righteousnesse oâ— Christ thy Sonne and graunt mee
purchase my desires by declining his mercy If any thing cometh it is sent by his providence if nothing cometh yet still I have God who is the best of all If it be his pleasure to bring mee to the earth by this consuming want my body indeede shall yeeld the lesse foode to the wormes but my soule shall be filled with un-speakeable comforts Lord what a base lumpe of clay is this which would so tyrannize over my soule as to make it leave it's confidence in thee What art thou that complainest and yawnest and gapest so greedily for satisfaction Thou art but earth at the best and by the earth thou hast beene fed and to the earth thou shalt returne The foode which thou desirest is a thing to be loathed if thou diddest but consider in what manner thou wert furnished The earth produceth grasse for the foode of the beastes they are fatted to furnish the tables of men and when men doe plentifully feede upon them the least part thereof conduceth to their nourishment the most of it goeth out into the draffe and even that which is putrified it returne's to the earth againe to render it fertile Thus wee live by excrements and wee are fed by putrefaction That which wee loath both in the sent and the sight is forgotten when wee feede upon it in our bread Thus I pine then for nothing but dung and filth for want whereof my belly would force mee to repine against my maker Our fowles are fed with the filthie wormes that proceede from our dung hills our fishes are composed of mudde and slime our beastes are nourished by vertue of that which wee loath to remember and from all these is patched up such a body as at the second or third hand is nothing but dung or whatsoever is worse Were it not shame then for mee to suffer this body which being dead in three or foure dayes will be odious to the living to entice my soule to rebell against my maker O I may not I will not This leanenesse doeth but lecture to mee what I am framed of and the soule is comforted in the weakenesse of the prison That better part doeth long to dwell with the father of spirits Each bitt I should eate Heb 12 9. would but delay my time and retard the fruition of a crowne of glory O my God be pleased to send mee thy blessing as well in want as in plenty that so I may decree and resolve with Saint Paul in whatsoëver state I am Phil 4.11 there with to be content Thus I should be and thus I desire to be for hunger with content is better then feasting and feasting without it is worse then famine If God in his wisedome seeth it good for mee that I should be filled I doubt not of his providence in sending what is good I will as I ought sieke the ordinarie meanes for the preservation of life I will industriously labour or earnestly besiech or painfully travaile for that which may nourish mee If it cometh as I desire I will thanke him who sendeth it if it cometh not as I wish howsoëver I will labour to be content with my lott Him will I honour both in plenty and in want and to his disposing will I yeeld up my selfe True it is that hee created meates for the belly 1. Cor 6.13 and the belly for meates but yet hee will destroy both it and them Hee hath sent mee this affliction to physick my soule and to put mee in mind how nicely I have refused in plenty what now I should thankfully receave in my want Those that are full are apt to surfeit and hasten with more disturbance to the gates of the grave then wee who in hunger doe willingly meete and desire our death Yet I am not so unwilling to live as that I would refuse my nourishment though of the meanest sort nor am I so unwilling to dye Prov. 27.7 as by unlawfull meanes to satisfie my appetite The full soule loatheth an hony-comb but to the hungry soule every bitter thing is sweete I dare not imitate the Israelites who murmured and repined against Moses and Aaron Ex 16.3 and said unto them Would to God wee had dyed by the hand of the Lord in the land of Egypt when wee sate by the flesh-pots and when wee did eate bread to the full for yee have brought us forth into this wildernesse to kill this whole assembly with hunger What would it advantage mee if God in his judgment should send mee my desires Is it not better to partake of his mercy in miserie then of his displeasure in plenty Ps 78.27 vers 28 At the desire of the Israëlites hee rained flesh upon them as dust and feathered fowles like as the sand of the sea And hee let it fall in the middest of the campe round about their habitations vers 29 So they did eate and were filled vers 30 hee gave them their owne desire they were not estranged from their lust Those on whom hee rained downe Manna to eate vers 24 and gave them of the corne of heaven even they were likewise stored with the flocks of the Quailes But their sweete meate had sowre sawce vers 30 vers 31 for while their meate was yet in their mouths the wrath of God came upon them and slew the fattest of them Prov. 10.22 and smote downe the chosen men in Israël It is onely the blessing of the Lord that maketh rich even of him who promised to the Israëlites Ex 23.25 if they would serve him to blesse their bread and their water and to take sicknesse away from the midd'est of them Hee it was who moved Shobi and Machir 2. Sam. 17.27 and Barzillai to bring unto David at Mahanaim and to his people that were hungrie and wearie vers 28 and thirstie in the wildernesse both beds and cupps and earthen vessells and wheate and barley and flowre and parched corne and beanes and lentills and parched pulse And honey vers 29 and butter and sheepe and cheese of kine Luc. 1.53 Hee filleth the hungrie with good things and the rich hee sendeth emptie away Iob. 34.28 The cry of the poore cometh unto him and hee heareth the cry of the afflicted Hungrie and thirstie Ps 107 5. the soules of the Israëlites fainted in them Then they cryed unto the Lord in their trouble vers 6. vers 9. and hee delivered them out of their distresses Hee satisfieth the longing soule and filleth the hungrie soule with goodnesse Thus hee may doe for mee as hee did for them but then I must pray and that in faith I must weepe and that in hope I must remember my sinnes which have deserved this punishment yea greater then here can be inflicted upon mee and I must thank my Creatour who visiteth mee in mercy I must submitt to his pleasure and kisse the rod. Though now as was the Prodigall
yet our sorrowes doe greatly exceede their sufferances Certainly wee suffer more because wee were first in the first offence and for our forwardnesse both to consult with the Serpent and to tempt the man our portion is the greater in pangs and throwes Wee are driven to such extreamities that either wee must be tormented in our issue or else reproached for our barrennesse Surely had Eve but beene sensible of the least smart of a travelling woman shee would have continued in integritie for feare of the punishment Gen 2.17 Our first parents were threatned but with dying the death in the day they did eate of the tree of knowledg but I mee thinks doe find that that curse is increased for death will not come without the societie of paines There is something of that punishment in the paines which prepare us for the entertainment of death something in the very instant of the soul's departure and yet unlesse our mercifull Redeemer take pitty upon us the greatest of all will be in a second death Of the first paines I am now made most accurately sensible in the second I must agree with the children of Eve but from the last I have an assured hope that my God will deliver mee Oh my paines my paines grow stronger and stronger What shall I doe Strengthen mee ô Iesus and enable mee to suffer with constancy and patience what I must endure for a child Elizabeth was not come to the hower of torment when Lu 1.24 vers 25 hiding her selfe for five moneths together shee rejoyced and sayd Thus hath the Lord dealt with mee in the dayes wherein hee looked on mee to take away my reproach among men Yet are these pangs more desireable then the reproach of barrennesse not for themselves but for their happie event Barrennesse produceth shame and discontent but fruitfullnesse produceth sorrow with comfort The barren desire what they partake not of the fruitfull may have content in that which causeth their torments By us the kingdome of heaven is increased by them the world seemeth ready to expire But whence doth this fruitfullnesse accrow unto us If it were onely and meerely from our selves then I suppose that none would be barren If it be a blessing sent from God I wonder at the wicked for the Psalmist saith They are full of children Ps 17.14 and leave the rest of their substance for their babes But I neede not wonder if I either consider the fore-goeing words where the Prophet saith They have their portion in this life or if I remember that it is in the power of God even from them to produce some vessells of honour Israël was threatned by Moses saying Deut 28.15 It shall come to passe if thou wilt not hearken unto the voyce of the Lord thy God that Cursed shall be the fruit of thy body vers 18 O how full of horrour assuredly was this to the women of Israël that those children should be sentenced to eternall weeping for whom their mothers had cryed in the anguish of their births Such ô such there are and allways shall bee even to the end of the world as shall draw teares from the eyes of the weaker parent both in the extreamitie of the throwes and in the feare of their destruction Surely such wieked children as those if any shall have cause to expostulate as did the patient Iob Iob. 3.11 vers 12 and cry Why dyed I not from the wombe Why did I not give up the ghost when I came out of the beliy Why did the knees prevent mee or why the beeasts that I should suck c 10.18 Wherefore hast thou brought mee forth out of the wombe Oh that I had given up the ghost and noe eye had seene mee Or they may say as once did the Prophet Ieremiah Cursed be the day wherein I was borne Ier. 20.14 vers 15 let not the day wherein my mother bare mee be blessed Cursed be the man who brought tidings to my father saying A man-child is borne unto thee making him very glad vers 16 And let that man be as the citties which the Lord overthrew and repented not and let him heare the cry in the morning and the showting at noone-tide vers 17 because hee slew mee not from the wombe or that my mother might have beene my grave and her wombe to be allways greate with mee vers 18 Wherfore came I forth out of the wombe to see labour and sorrow that my dayes should be consumed with shame But I will hope better things of mine and beseech my God that it may be like unto Paul who speaketh of himselfe saying Gal 1.15 vers 16 God did seperate mee from my mother's wombe and called mee by his grace to reveale his sonne in mee c. Oh my paines grow sharper and sharper and are strong remembrancers of the pollution even of conception But there is a conception as well Spirituall as Carnall I must therfore examine Whether the wombe of my heart hath not conceaved sinne Iob. 15 35. Is 33.11 for these pangs arise not without foregoeing wickednesse The hypocrites sayth Iob doe conceave mischiefe The enemies of the church sayth the Prophet Isaiah shall conceave chaffe If therfore with the hypocrites c. 59.4 I have conceaved mischiefe I feare that with them too I have brought forth-vanity and my belly hath prepared deceit If with the sinfull Iewes I have not called for justice nor pleaded for trueth if I have trusted in vanity and have spoken lyes then I feare that with them too I have conceaved mischife and brought forth iniquity If with the enemies of the church I have conceaved chaffe then I feare that with them too I have brought forth stubble and I may justly suspect that my breath as fire shall devoure it Ps 7.14 If which the ungodly I have travelled with iniquity and have conceaved mischiefe then I feare that with them too I have brought forth falsehood Thus if I have joyned with the hypocrites if with the enemies of the church if with the sinfull Iewes if with the ungodly or if I have trusted in vanity what then can I looke for but that having conceaved all kind of abominations I should with the wicked man travell with paine all my dayes Iob. 15.20 Thus I must confesse I have beene forward in the conception of all manner of evill and the production hath beene even as quick as the thought Ex 1.19 I may say of my selfe as the Mid-wives sayd once to angry King Pharaoh concerning the Hebrew women I have beene lively and have beene delivered of my grievous crimes ere any midwife came in unto mee I have beene both father and mother and mid-wife and nurse and every thing else to bring the abortive bratts of impietie into the world What now can I expect therfore but that I should dye in anguish and that my child which I goe with should be at once both mine
my whole life but to be freed from these calamities which beginne to fall on mee Ps 55.4 My heart is sore pained within mee and the terrours of death are fallen upon mee Fearefullnesse and trembling are come upon mee vers 5. and horrour hath allmost over whelmed mee I cannot forget how the wife of Phinehas the sonne of Eli being neere to be delivered 1. Sam 4. 19. when shee heard the sad tidings that the Arke of God was taken and that her husband and her father in law were dead shee bowed herselfe and travelled for her paines came upon her shee travelled was delivered and dyed I cannot forget how Rachel journeying from Bethel Gen 35 16. when there was but a litle way to come to Ephrath travelled and had hard labour And though when shee had hard labour the Mid wife sayd unto her vers 17 Feare not thou shalt have this sonne allso vers 18 and shee had her sonne and called him Ben-oni the soone of her sorrow but his father called him Benjamin the sonne of his right hand yet shee dyed The remembrance of these that dyed in child-birth increaseth my feares and addeth to mine affliction I am so dismayed betweene the pangs which I suffer and the suspition of death which possesseth my soule that I am I know not how divided and forlorne One while I resolve to submit to my God another while I suspect that I shall not possiblie endure the severity of my tortures My teares are many my pangs increase and double and treble themselves upon mee One O is not enough to cry but as if my short life were onely to be inployed in accents of sorrow I leng then my exclamations and I cry oooooo c as if my paine waxe the lesser when I make my complaints either lowder or longer Sometimes my pangs are so thick and so violent that I have not time to feare and sometimes againe my feare is so greate that I have not leasure to mind the pangs I endure The body suffers and the mind labour's and all is in a kind of distruction and confusion Sometimes I feare that I am yeelding up the ghost and then a pull a tugge a throw command's â—nee to forget my feare and sett my selfe to endure Sometimes I feare least my child should not come right or not be rightly shaped or not be perfectly limbed and then a throw againe maketh mee lay aside my feares In the depth of my sufferances I am all most bereft of my senses with the violence of the paine and at times of intermission I am halfe distracted with these doubts and feares Act 3.2 Sometimes I thinke of the man that was lame from his mother's wombe and was faint to be caried whom they layd dayly at the gate of the temple which was called Beautifull to aske almes of them that entered into the temple and then I am jealous that either my child may be a creeple or else a beggar At other times I thinke of the man at Lystra c 14.8 impotent in his feete who was likewise a creeple from his mother's wombe and never had walked and presently I feare that mine may be so too Againe sometimes my anxious thoughts fixe upon the man who was blind from his birth Io 9.1 Mat 12 22. Mar 7.32 sometimes on him who was blind and dumb sometimes on him who was deafe and had an impediment in his speech and then I suspect that mine infant may be so too But why ô why doe I harbour such thoughts or utter such cryes of distrust Why doe I embrace such suspitions and feares of the death of my selfe or of impotency of my child If I despaire of ease I forget my comforter If I submit not to his pleasure I deny him to be my God If I repine at my sufferances I adde unto the cause and so I multiply mine iniquities I cannot deny that my God is omniscient I may not deny that my God is omnipotent I would not deny that my God is compassionate Since then I doe know that hee knoweth my miseries and that hee hath power to release mee whensoëver hee pleaseth it is my duety to hope in his mercy and tender compassion If I feare my death I condemne my life and publish to the world my neglect of preparation If I have not layed up in store against the hower of my departure especially seeing I doe know that many have dyed in the extreamitie of their throwes it will plainly appeare that I either cared not for heaven or dreaded not hell If I fear too much that my child may fayle in a due proportion or too vainely distrust that it may come imperfect I dishonour my God who shaped it in my wombe It is not of mine owne fashioning Ps 139.14 it wa fearefully and wonderfully made by my maker I must therfore content my selfe with what hee hath allotted mee If the shape be perfect the greater must be my thankes if it prove imperfect the greater must be my patience in all I must be sure to give glory unto God My service to him hath beene weake imperfect hee may justly therfore shape my child according to my service If so hee should doe I cannot resist it I must not repine at it I will resolve therfore by the assistance of his grace that allthough my cryes may be lowd yet they shall not be sinfull they may expresse my sufferance but not any impatience I will feare to dye when I thinke onely of my desert but I will desire to dye when I faithfully rely upon the merits of my Redeemer and desire that this mortall may put on immortality 1. Cor. 15.54 I know that some children have beene borne imperfect but what I my selfe doe not fashion I will never repine at Had I made it my selfe it would have beene monstrously deformed for my very best and most accurate actions are full of imperfections If therfore it shall have too much or too litle yet it will be too much for mee to sinne by murmuring Lord arme mee with patience to suffer what thou pleasest with faith and hope to goe when thou callest and with joy and thanks to receave what thou givest part 3 The third part of the Soliloquie administring Consolation and comfort to a woman in the bitternesse of her travell THe blessed Apostle comforting the Corinthians speaketh to the soules of all the elect 1. Cor. 10.13 when hee saith There hath noe temptation taken you but such as is common to man but God is faithfull who will not suffer you to be tempted above that you are able but will with the temptation allsu make a way to escape that yee may be able to beare it O gracious promise O heavenly mercy Bee just ô my God in the performance bee speedie in my deliverance I faint I dye How long Lord how long shall I cry These afflictions seeme to exceede the power of a mortall woman
to whom shall I goe To what physitian or Chyrurgion shall I repaire Lev. 13.2 I reade that if any man of the house of Israël had in the skinne of his flesh a rising or a swelling or a bright spott and if it were in the skinne of the flesh like the plague of Leprosie then hee was to be brought to Aaron the Priest or unto one of his sonnes the Priests vers 3. and the Priest was to looke on the plague in the skinne of the flesh and then to proceede according to order Thus under the Law the Priests were the Physitians both for the body and the soule where upon the Prophet Ieremiah complained and accounted it as a greate judgment upon the people for their sinnes that From the Prophet even to the Priest every one dealt falsely Ier. 6.13 vers 14 they healed allso the hurt of the people sleightly Hence allso another Prophet reproved them Eze. 34.4 because The diseased they had not strengthened neither had they healed that which was sick neither had they bound up that which was broken Under the Gospel allso the Apostles were likewise Physitians for both Mat. 10.1 for when Christ had called unto him his twelve Disciples hee not onely gave them power against un-cleane Spirits to cast them out but allso to heale all manner of sicknesses and all manner of diseases Doubtlesse by this I am likewise taught into whatsoëver sicknesse I fall Psa 110.4 Mal. 4.2 Make use of the prayer which followeth the next Meditation whatsoëver disease I am visited with first of all to goe to the Priest to the Minister of God first to examine my soule before I looke for the cure of my body To the Priest will I therfore goe to the chiefe Priest to the high Priest to the chiefest and highest that ever was even to him who is a Priest for ever after the order of Melchizedek and humbly will I besiech him to teach mee to feare his name and then I know that hee who is the Sunne of righteousnesse will arise with healing in his wings and will make mee goe forth and grow up as calves of the stall 2. Teares of the visited being marked with the Tokens The Soliloquie THE EjACULATION Psal 5. vers 1. Give eare to my words o Lord consider my meditation vers 2. Hearken unto the voice of my cry my king and my God for unto thee will I pray THere is a time to kill saith Solomon and a time to heale Eccl. 3.3 O that time to kill is now come upon mee but I know not how so much as to hope for the time of healing for here I find the tokens of death the markes of my mortalitie This flesh this sinfull flesh of mine which hath beene so washed so unguented so smoothed and coloured according to the choycest witt of art and industrie hath now the staines in it of a contagious sicknesse Where are now those admirers of comelinesse those idolatrous doaters upon the beawtie of women Let them come and learne the vanitie of their opinions chide their simplicitie by these tokens of vengeance O what a fraile thing is woman easily deluded into a beliefe of her beawty and as easily stricken with her owne deformitie But what doe these spotts meane to die my flesh and strike such a deepe tinture in a smoothed sknne Are diseases blind that thus they fasten every where without either choyce or exception Vaine woman as I am why doe I spend these minuits these few and winged minuits alotted unto mee in such impertinent quaeres These blewish staines tell mee that I must provide to answer for my sinnes yea shortly speedily before him who dispatched them hither unto mee Death approacheth mortalitie knocketh at my burdened heart Lord how heavie is my soule Even as if it were allready at the greate tribunall and pleaded guiltie of millions of enormities They have corrupted themselves saith Moses by the Israëlites Deut 32.5 their spot is not the spot of God's children they are a perverse and crooked generation Is there a spot then which even the children of God may be subject unto Why then may not these be some of those spotts and my selfe be one of those children of God Lord how willingly how greedily doeth every one strive to dye the death of the righteous How easilie are wee apt through ignorance to dwell in the letter of the text when wee should rather prie into a farther intent of the blessed Spirit That spot of the children of God is not seated in the body but in the soule and that spot in the soules of the Israelites was chiefely Idolatrie True it is that even the righteous have their stainei too vers 15 16.17 but not such bloaches not such greate and fowle spots or howsoever not of such a deepe tincture not dyed so in graine as are those of the wicked for they are washed out with the teares of sorrow through the blood of the Lamb. O that my spotts were onely in my skinne and not in my soule and that I could truely justifie my selfe in the language of Iob. Iob. 31.6 vers 7. Let mee be weighed in an even ballance that God may know mine integritie If any blott hath cleaved to my hands But alas I cannot I dare not Yet if I could but come to a sight of my sinnes and be truely humbled for them then am I sure that hee who taught Iacob how to increase his flock of the speckled and the spotted Gen. 30.39 Is 1.18 would easily make mee white as wooll But how or upon what grounds can I expect his mercy feeing all that I can suffer is not punishment enough for all that I have trespassed Heb. 9.22 Without shedding of blood is noe remission sayth the blessed Apostle What comfort then can I expect or what mercy can I hope for seeing that my blood my life is not of vallew enough to suffer what my sinnes have merited much lesse to purchase remission of my sinnes What now shall I doe What hope can I have that my body should be freed from these spots of my disease when I know not how to be freed from the pollutions of my soule By the Mosaicall law If any one of the common people sinned against any of the commandements of God concerning things which ought not to be done Lev 4.27 vers 32 A Lamb without blemish was to be his offering and so the atonement was made for the sinne vers 35 and it was forgiven Here yet was some ease for a distressed soule the sinne was forgiven through the blood of the Lamb. But what hope have I of remission That Law doeth noe longer stand in force nor will the blood of a common Lamb be accepted for the least the smallest offence Yet Cheere up O my drooping soule Let my fainting spirits and my sorrowfull heart take comfort in the middest of my deepe distresse for there is
hee knoweth not for what I know sinne yet I stand not affrighted not amazed at the punishment thereof Mat. 5.44 I am commanded to love mine enemies but doubtlesse sinne is excepted for such an enemie I am bound to hate Ps 139 22. Ps 97.10 O that I could hate it right sore even as mine enemie It is the Psalmist's charge O yee that love the Lord see that yee hate the thing that is evill Could I thus doe it would bring peace to my selfe and likewise might bring health to my babe Oh I now feele the sting of my sinne piercing his body and the malignitie of my corruption breaking out in his disease Adam in innocency knew noe paine but by reason of his fall diseases are become the fruit of the fruit 2. King 5.27 vers 23 Gehazy for sinne was visited with the disease of Naaman the Syrian and his two talents of silver and two changes of raiment burdening his conscience more then the bodies of his servants 2. Chr 21.18 vers 4. bought him the Leprousie The fire that Iehoram felt in his bowells made him sensible of the punishment for his want of compassion to his brethren whom hee slew with the sword Ex 9.10 The hardnesse of Pharaoh's heart made the ashes to turne into boyles and blaines in his body 1. Cor â—1 30 The Corinthians not discerning the Lord's body were therfore stricken with sicknesse weakenesse and death Hee that was encompassed by the bulls of Basan Ps 22.12 Ps 38.8 vers 3. complained that hee roared for the disquietnesse of his heart but with all hee saith There is noe health in my flesh because of thy displeasure neither is there any rest in my bones by reason of my sinne Lord how thou doest use mee and my child as Gideon did once the Elders of the citty Iud 8.16 thou doest scourge mee with briers and thornes of the wildernesse Gen 3.18 The earth for the sinne of man was cursed with the production of them and wee for sinne are scourged with that curse Yet the briers and the thornes scratch but the body of my languishing infant but they even teare the soule of mee his sad sorrowfull mother Yet I fast with David 2. Sam. 12.22 and I weepe with David and I cry with David Who can tell whether God will be gratious to mee that the child may live This litle lumpe of sinfull clay lyeth at the mercy of him that is the potter It is framed it is shaped into a body into a vessell but diseases would crack it sicknesse would breake it At the taking of a besieged towne that would not yeeld though the men were to be smitten with the edg of the sword Deut 20.14 yet the women and the litle ones were appointed to be spared Lord I am one of those women my child is one of the litle ones Conquer thou but spare take us but preserve us Thy mercy to heathen could not be greater then it can be to Christians Lord what shall I doe The infant still cryeth and still the parent weepeth Sicknesse enforceth the cryes of the child and the cryes of the child enforce the parents teares O how my bowells yerne and burne and frie with in mee and yet noe ease doeth come to my sweetest babe noe comfort to my languishing child I reade that Christ did chide his disciples for rebuking those who brought the litle ones unto him and hee sayd Suffer litle children Mat 19 13. vers 14 and forbid them not to come unto mee for of such is the Kingdome of heaven To him to him therfore will I goe and tender this youngling But alas how can a begging present be acceptable unto him With what confidence can I give him this child when the offering is onely a guiftlesse guift Mine intent is not to loose but to gaine to give but not to leave my child to offer him to God but in hope that hee will spare him a litle while with mee And his indeede hee is hee hath beene his ever since hee was offered unto him in the temple Rom 6 4. ever since hee was buried with him by baptisme But perhaps hee hath since that time beene lost and strayed from him I will therfore take him in mine armes and cary him home againe I will carie him by water for now it is highflood 't is a spring-tide mine eyes are full Wee will swimme together to my Iesus of him I will begge I will cry for I will prevaile for his pardon I know that my Saviour will heare and hee will be ready allso to forgive Hee will forgive my child that ranne away from him and hee will forgive mee my running with my child and when hee hath forgiven hee will certainely remitt the eternall punishment it may be the temporall likewise But how dare I who am the greatest delinquent to goe with my child the lesser sinner How dare I to shew my face to him or appeare in his presence His child it is true I am as well as my babe but I have allso offended him as much as my babe yea more a thousand thousand thousand million of millions of myriads of times more then hee This child as yet doeth know noe malice noe guile noe hypochrisie noe enuie noe evill speaking but I alas not onely know all but allso I harbour all I foster all I embosome all and yet my God saith unto mee by the mouth of his Apostle as well as unto others 1 Pet 2 1. Laying aside all malice and all guile and hypochrisies and envies and evill-speakings vers 2. As new-borne babes desire yee the syncere milke of the word that yee may grow thereby His child I am but woe is mee I have not this long while sucked of the breasts the two testaments or not eagerly or not so understandingly as hee commandeth mee to doe when hee sayth Be not children in understanding 1. Cor. 14.20 howbeit in malice be yee children O how infinitely worse am I then this my child Hee is humble but I am prowde and haughty and high-minded Mat. 18 2. yea though I know that Christ called once a litle child peradventure just such a litle child as mine is and set it in the midst of his disciples and sayd verely I say unto you vers 3. Except yee be converted and become as litle children yee shall not enter into the Kingdome of heaven vers 4. Whosoever therfore shall humble himselfe as this litle child the same is greatest in the Kingdome of heaven The least mee think's I faine would be I would faine be greatest the greatest in the Kingdome yea the greatest in the Kingdome of heaven but the first I like not so well it suites not so well with wy disposition I would not be humble Though I am as litle as was Zacheus Lu 19.4 yet I would be as high as was Zacheus too yea though
I climb up into a tree for it Yea I doe climb and into a tree too O it is the tree of mine owne pride and vanitie which beareth leaves goodly broade shadowing leaves but it beareth noe fruit at all nothing but keyes and those keyes are fitted onely for the wide gate that leadeth to destruction Mat. 7.13 they will never un-lock the gates of heaven This child is young hee is a babe a babe in age a babe in growth I am a babe not in age not in growth but such a one as the Corinthians were to whom the Apostle wrote 1. Cor. 3.1 and sayd that hee could not speake unto them as unto spirituall but as unto carnall even as unto babes in Christ My child is young and tender and simple apt to be led with trifles to stragle abroad with children to be caried any whither at the pleasure of her to whose charge hee is left I am a child too a verier child then mine owne apt to be tossed to and fro Eph. 4.14 and caried about with every wind of doctrine by the sleight of men and cunning craftinesse whereby they lye in wayt to deceave And now what shall I doe I am the verier child of the two the most sinfull of the two and yet my child is afflicted with sicknesse and to mee noe other punishment is at present alotted but the griefe which I have for the sicknesse of my child Hee still cryeth still must I therfore cry Hee groaneth and I must allso groane Yea I doe groane I groane in spirit that my Iesus may cure the diseases of my soule I groane too for my child my prettie sweete babe that my Iesus may howsoever cure the infirmities of his soule and if hee so pleaseth recover allso the health of his body This must be the way to him I must thus goe Io. 14.6 Ps 30.8 for hee himselfe hath styled himselfe the way I will therfore cry unto the Lord and get mee unto my Lord right humbly I will goe to the gate of the physitian the gate of mercy and there I will knock and call and cry for entrance I will fall upon my knees and wring my hands and smite my breast Is 38.14 and weepe and mourne like a Crane and chatter like a Swallow even untill mine eyes faile with looking upward and thus will I say unto him The Prayer GReate God whose power is irresistable and whose pleasure is the rule of thy servant's obedience bow downe thine eare to my sad intreaties Thou hast stricken mee with sorrow who have not mourned for the cause and by the sicknesse of mine infant thou hast taught mee the frailtie of our mortall bodyes I see that all flesh is as grasse 1. Pet. 1.24 and the glory thereof but as the flowre of the field Mine impenitent heart I must confesse deserveth thy justice and my sinfull life this punishment of my tender infant But thou ô Lord art mercifull though I am sinfull and art apt to forgive those that truely repent O my God I desire to be sorrowfull for mine offences and earnestly I besiech thee to give mee true contrition for all my sinnes Iob. 7.20 O thou preserver of men remitt both my sinnes and the punishment which is justly due unto mee for them that I may rejoyce in thy mercy and magnifie thee for thy goodnesse Looke gratiously upon this child who feeleth the scourge though gently of thy justice due both for his and for my transgressions O let not thy wrathfull displeasure continue upon him nor my greater crimes cause an addition unto his torments Thy servant David confessed his sinnes and submitted to thy rod but yet hee cryed concerning his people 2. Sam. 24.19 and sayd These sheepe what have they done I dare not justifie this thy patient but I must needes acknowledg that for mine iniquities as well as for his thou thus doest wound him But ô thou who didst once command Mat. 19 14. that litle children should be brought unto thee didst prefer them for patternes both of innocency and humilitie shew now thy power in the weakenesse of this child Enable him with patience to endure thy visitation and direct mee to the meanes which may conduce to his recoverie if thou in thy secret decree hast so determined it Ps 6.2 Have mercy upon him ô Lord for hee is weake ô Lord heale him and free him from his sufferings Thou art hee that tookest him out of my wombe Ps 22.9 Ps 9.13 Ps 41.2 and canst as easily if thou pleasest lift him up now from the gates of death Preserve him ô God if it may be thy heavenly pleasure and keepe him alive that hee may be blessed upon earth ô heale his soule and raise him up againe Give a blessing to the meanes which shall be used for his recovery Ps 119 91. Ps 56.8 that all things in their order may be knowne to serve thee O let the teares of mee thine afflicted supplicant be put into thy botle and let the cryes of mee thy mournefull hand-mayd who beg for this infant be heard in the eares of thee the Lord of hosts Thou thy selfe didst weepe ô Christ Io. 11.35 for the death of Lazarus take compassion therfore on the weeping mother of this diseased child O let not my teares be shed in vaine but mercifully free this infant from his anguish and sufferings Yet howsoëver thou hast decreed righteous father not my will Mat 26.39 Ier 10.24 but thy will be done Onely let mee besiech thee to visit him in mercy and not in thy fury lest he be consumed and brought to nought Make him able to beare what thou determinest to send and in thy good time raise him out of this miserie Lord give mee allso a willing submission to thy holy pleasure that so I may neither discover too much fondnesse of affection to this my beloved issue when I see him subject to frailtie and mortalitie nor too immoderately grieve if thou receavest him to thy selfe Forgive whatsoëver is amisse in him and let his soule de deare and pretious in thy sight O Let thy mercy pleade against thy severitie let thy gratious promises be had in thy remembrance and let thy Christ be heard in his intercession both for mee and mine To thy will ô Lord make mee readily submitt to thy holy pleasure make mee willingly yeeld Thine is this infant Ps 39.13 and thou lentest him mee ô spare him a litle that hee may recover his strength before hee goe hence and be noe more seene To thy pleasure ô heavenly father I willingly refer him besieching thee to send him thy grace while hee shall remaine upon earth and after that receave him into glory for the worthinesse of thine onely begotten Sonne Iesus Christ our onely Lord and Saviour Amen subject 17 THE SEAVENTEENTH SUBjECT Teares of a Mother for the death of her child The Soliloquie THE EjACULATION Psal 5.
my raging out-cryes which have given an evill example of impatience unto others a scandall to â—…y religion It was thy pleasure to free mine â—nfant from the tyrannie of sinne it was thy â—ove it was thy mercy to take him that so hee â—ight sinne noe more Lord unto thy will 〈◊〉 submit my will and for thy love for thy mercy for thy goodnesse I praise thee I blesse â—hee I magnifie thee my Lord and my God Vipe I besiech thee from mine eyes all eares of discontent remove from mine heart he excesse of sorrow and make mee walke in â—…y vocation with cheerefullnesse and in my â—eligion with setlednesse resolution The â—ortalitie of my child hath taught mee the â—…ailty even of my selfe graunt therfore blesâ—ed God that the longer I live the better I may â—…ow both in grace and goodnesse that so when his painfull life shall have an end I may â—eete thee my God with comfort thee my Iesus with joy and rejoycing and my deceased child together with the rest of the quire of Saints with heavenly Halelujahs and sing praise Reu. 5.13 and honour and glory unto thee who sittest upon the throne and to the Lamb for ever mere Amen subject 18 THE EIGHTEENTH SUBjECT Teares of a wife for the sicknesse of her husband The Soliloquie THE EjACULATION Psal 5. vers 1. Give eare to my words ô Lordâ— consider my meditation vers 2. Hearken unto the voyce of my cry my king and my God for unto thee will I pray LOrd how various is the condition of mortalls Sometimes wee are sick and sometimes wee are well Sometimes in sicknesse wee draw neere to the grave and sometimes againe wee are in hope of recoverie T is thus ô 't is thus with my dearest husband Hee who was my comfort and joy in his health is now my griefâ— and sorrow in his sicknesse The extreamitie oâ— his anguish enforceth my teares and those conflicts of his betweene life and death doe pierce mee even to the soule I am mee thinks so divided in my teares that I cannot well determine whether the greatest number of them â—re shed for the torments which hee suffereth â—r for the losse of mine owne content or for the â—aines which love and loyaltie enforce mee to â—ake or for feare of his departure All of them â—ow from the springs of love and are readie â—o convert mee into a gliding streamâ—… When Eve was arraigned for enticing her 〈…〉 â—o the act of disobedience Gen 3.16 it was part of her â—unishment that her desire should be subject â—nto her husband and hee should rule over her Mee think's I could be well contented to under goe this servitude so that my husband might not under-goe this sicknesse Alas his â—isease is growne so violent that it even darkeâ—eth his reason and maketh him desire hee knoweth not what I would gladly obey him â—n whatsoëver hee commandeth but that I must not yeeld unto all his desires in this time of his weakenesse I must now obey the Physitian 's order and follow those directions which hee prescribeth O the miserie of sicknesse which so enfeebleth the braine that it un-man's a husband and pretendeth to free the wife from the yoke of obedience Now my desires must not be subject to my deerest husband if hee requireth that which may hinder his recovery yet howsoever my desires shall be for him when they may not be to him for I will begge of the Lord to ease him of his miserie and to restore him to health O mee think's I am not as I should be because I want the comfort and direction of my head Hee poore man iâ— growne as feeble by sicknesse as I am by sexe and allthough the torment be his yet the sorrow is mine When I remember the unâ—kindnesse of the Amalekite to his sick servant I cannot choose but wonder at the greatnesse of the inhumanitie 1. Sam. 30.13 The master left his sick Egyptian when the enemie pursued as if it hâ—d beene a high offence to want his health Io sicknesse wee have a certaine tryall of a friend Hee that onely affecteth us in health leaveth us in weakenesse is but a pretender to friendship and truely loveth us not O who would leave a languishing man that knoweth not how to helpe himselfe Mee think's I rejoyce though in my greatest perplexitie that God-hath given mee both power and abilitie to comfort my deerest I howerly visit him though not without teares and when I most endeavour to be a comforter unto him even then alas I am enforced to weepe Thus his very potiens are mixed with the drops that distill from mine eyes and at every turne I am so sensible of his miserie that I doe in a manner embalme him alive with mine aboundant teares allthough I yet have hope of his recoverie 2. King 8.7 When Benhadad the King of Assyria was sick hee sent Hazaël to meete Elisha the man of God and enquire of the Lord by him saying Shall I recover of this disease vers 8. Mee think's I could gladly performe that office of Hazaël but where shall I meete with-such a Prophet as Elisha Alas it is not in the power of man to limit our times it is God alone who numbereth our dayes I must therfore leave my curiositie and submit to his pleasure And yet in my submission I cannot leave weeping for even nature alloweth mee a freedome to mourne David grieved when his very enemies were sick for so hee saith As for mee Ps 35.13 when they were sick my cloathing was sackcloth I humbled my soule with fasting How much rather may I be allowed to grieve for my friend for my husband Who knoweth but that my sinne may be the cause of his miserie By my teares of sorrow I will therfore strive to remove the cause It is in the power of my Redeemer both to forgive mee and to recover him But alas so long as hee is sick I cannot be well So long as the head is troubled the body must needs be disturbed Hee is my head and I am his glory 1. Cor. 11.3 vers 7. Alas what comfort can I receave when my head is sick What glory can hee take in the wife of his bosome when the violence of his paine depriveth him of my society But why doe I utter these words of discontent as if it were in the power of man to recover my beloved It is god alone that sendeth sicknesse and that sendeth health on him therfore alone will I depend and in him alone will I hope Saint Paul relateth that Epaphroditus was sick Phil. 2.27 nigh unto death but God saith hee had mercy on him and not on him onely but on mee allso lest I should have sorrow upon sorrow My deare husband is sick as was Epaphroditus yea and for ought that I know hee may be sick unto death too but I will trust in the Lord that hee will have mercy upon him and restore
1. King 14.18 Had not my husband beene King yet how should I forbeare the expence of a teare when death depriveth mee of the name of a wife Had hee not beene godly then the words of the Psalmist might peradventure have beene verified even of him Ps 27.15 His widow shall not weepe But ô hee was full of love and hee was truely religious for mine owne losse therfore must I freely weepe because my loving my religious husband is taken from mee Naomi requited the love of her daughters in law expressed to their dead husbands with a fervent prayer saying Ruth 1.8 The Lord deale kindly with you as yee have dealt with the dead and with mee vers 9. The Lord graunt that yee may find rest each of you in the house of her husband When the wife of Ezekiel was taken from him I doubt not but hee loved her so well that hee would have bemoaned her departure had not the Lord expressely charged him the contrarie Eze 24 16. But the Lord said unto him Sonne of man behold I take away from thee the desire of thine eyes with a stroake yet neither shalt thou mourne nor weepe neither shall thy teares runne downe Forbeare to cry vers 17 make noe mourning for the dead bind the tire of thine head upon thee and put on thy shooes upon thy feete and cover not thy lipps Surely his teares were not forbidden as if it were un-lawfull to lament the dead Noe it was onely because the Lord by that figne would shew that the calamitie of the Iewes should be beyond that sorrow which enforceth a weeping But what was Ezekiel's losse in comparison of mine Hee was a man and a Prophet set over his wife to be her instructer so was mine set over mee allso but there the scholler onely departed the wife here the very Oracle is ceased my husband is gone While hee was alive my knowledg was increased for if I would have learned any thing 1. Cor 14.15 1. Pet 3 7. I could aske him at home Hee dwelt with mee according to knowledg giving honour unto mee as to the weaker vessell and as being heires together of the grace of life Eph. 5.28 1. Tim. 5.8 so that our prayers were not hindered Hee loved mee even as his owne body hee provided both for mee and mine But now alas I may live in ignorance dis-respected and un provided for none will comfort mee none will helpe mee as did my husband that 's gone Act. 5.4 Though wicked Saphira had joyned with Ananias her husband in lying unto God concerning the sale of their possession vers 5. and her husband at the words of Saint Peter fell downe and gave up the ghost and was caried out by the young men vers 6. and buried yet shee lived not long enough either to bewayle his death or to consider of her losse Shee continued a widow but about three howers space vers 7. vers 10 and then fell downe at the Apostles feete and yeelded up the ghost Shee quickly followed her husband in death who joyned in the wickednesse with him in his life Shee hastened to the grave of her departed consort as if love had forbad her to survive her husband Yet it was not love but justice which made them lye together in the silent grave since they joyned together in a lye in their lives This alas was not a testimonie of her love so quickly to follow her husband to the land of darknesse Mee think's that I could be well contented to have dyed with my husband and to be layed in the grave by his frozen body but neither would I have sinne to be the cause nor judgment the effect Why then doe I so much lament his departure whose death was full of an assurance of life and whose hope was full of immortalitie Had Saphira survived her deceased husband but so long as to have beene sensible of the manner of his death it may be imagined that shee would have sighed her selfe to the grave and even griefe alone would have joyned them in the vault of darknesse and silence But God delayed not the punishment of her who obstinately persisted in the crime of her husband Here is yet some comfort for mee in my deepe calamitie that neither my husband was guilty of the sinne of Ananias nor yet did his death come so unexpected Why then should I grieve so much for the departure of him who is gone from hence to eternall rest Hee dyed in the Lord Reu 14 13. and I cannot therfore doubt but hee is assuredly blessed Hee resteth from his labours and his workes doe follow him Why then doe I shed such an aboundance of teares as if I either distrusted his happinesse or envyed his felicity My cause is not so greate if I rightly weigh it as to cause these floods to arise in mine eyes When I thinke upon him I have reason to rejoyce both because hee is freed as well from the tyrannie of sinne as from the miserie it produceth and allso because hee is at rest in my God If I consider my selfe allso mine affliction is not so greate nor my teares so just as I doe imagine for they will prove rather an argument of my distrust in God then of my love to my husband if I give them the freedome to flow beyond moderation Hee who lent mee him can send mee another yea such a one as may deserve as well and to whom my love may be as fervent If I have lost mine estate yet I have not lost my protectour unlesse I forsake him in my distrust If I complaine for want of the joy of societie even my very thoughts so they be religions will delight mee with their companie If I want an instructer my God will be my guide If I want a comforter my God will wipe these teares from mine eyes If I want either foode or sustenance for my body Prov 15.15 yet a good conscience will prove a continuall feast My losse is not so greate as ever was sustained if I compare it with those which others have soffered Naömie's affliction was greater then mine Ruth 1 3. when not onely her husband Elimelech but allso her two sonnes Mahlon and Chilion dyed and the woman was left of her two sonnes her husband at once 1. Sam. 4.11 It was worse by farre with the wife of Phinehar then it is with mee for her husband and his brother were both slaine in one day by the Amalekites yea and that in judgment too c 3.13 even because they made themselves vile and their father restrained them not When the newes came to her that the Arke of God was taken by the un-circumcised c 4.13 that ould Eli her father in law hearing the newes that the Arke was taken and that his sonnes were slaine vers 18 fell from the seate back-ward by the side of the gate and brake his neck and
dyed shee vers 19 poore soule being greate with child when the storie of these sad accidents was related unto her bowed her selfe and fell in travaile for her paines came upon her yea at length when shee was delivered of her Ichabod vers 21 she gave up the ghost Thus the Priests fell by the sword Ps 78.64 and noe widow was left to make lamentation True it is that my affliction is greate in the death of my husband yea so greate that herewith the slanderous enemie of the Psalmist was severely cursed Ps 109.9 Let his children be fatherlesse and his wife a widow yet is it farre better to see him goe downe to the grave in peace then that hee should have lingered in continuall miserie Ier 22.12 Shallum the sonne of Iosiah King of Iudah was caried captive by an enemie into another land and dyed there which the Prophet confidering speaketh and saith vers 10 Weepe not for the dead neither bemoane him but weepe for him that goëth away for hee shall returne noe more nor see his native countrie This might have beene the portion allso of my beloved but since it was not though my losse be greate yet must not my sorrow be too greate Immoderate griefe for those that are dead was the practise of heathens it becometh not the children of God The Israelites were forbidden it even by God himselfe who saith unto them Lev 19 28. Deut 14.1 Yee shall not make any cutting in your flesh for the dead nor print any markes upon you I am the Lord. And againe Yee are the children of the Lord your God yee shall not cut your selves nor make any baldnesse betweene your eyes for the dead The Gentiles indeede at the death of friends were so trans-ported with sorrow that they cut themselves Ier 16.6 made themselves bald in the greatnesse of their lamentations They carved their flesh and marked themselves for idolatrie yea they allso cut their skinnes when a friend deceased and the wounds they filled up with either Stibium or inke or what colour they pleased which remained in the flesh when the skinne was growne over In all their sorrowes such kinds of inscisions were ordinarie testimonies of the griefe of their hearts Ier 41.5 Thus the fowre score men that came from Shechem from Shiloh and from Samariah had their beards shaven and their clothes rent and they had cut themselves and had offerings and incense in their hands to bring to the house of the Lord. Thus when the Priests of Baall did call on the name of their Idoll 1. King 18.28 they cryed alowd and cut themselves after their manner with knives and lancers 'till the blood gushed out upon them Yet though it was the practise of the Gentiles it may not be of Christians nor might it be of the Israëlites they therfore punished it with many stripes And just it was that when their violent hands had un-naturally beene stained with the blood of their owne bodies the hand of justice should draw blood in the punishment of such a cruell offence The Iewes might not cut themselves at the death of a friend noe though of a father because they were not fatherlesse while the Lord was their God The infidells indeede had noe share in the most high and therfore were fatherlesse when their sires deceased but it was not so with Israel nor is it so with mee I have a father which is in heaven Mat 6.9 to whom my husband is gone before mee I have a husband too which is in heaven even the same who was a husband to Iudah and Israël I have a head too which is in heaven Ier 31.32 even my Saviour Christ Eph 5.23 who is the head of the Church I have a brother too which is in heaven even my elder brother Iesus Christ Why then should I grieve that my husband is dead since hee is but gone to the place where my treasure is layed up Mat. 6.20 and where my immortall father and head and brother have crowned him with immortalitie My God hath taken him that I may know where to find him Whilest hee continued upon earth his imployments did often deprive mee of his societie but now is hee seated in a place of rest to which when I come wee shall never be seperated Whilest hee was here my affection unto him indeede was greate and that was my duety but yet I feare that I offended in the excesse Had I not loved him too much I should not be immoderate in my sorrow but even by these teares I am taught the sinfullnesse of my passion For this sinne therfore will I strive to weepe even for the trespasse of my weeping I should never have beene so offensively sensible of this my losse nor so vaine in my laments if I had allways remembred that hee was created mortall and had therfore trusted in him who is immortall If I doe love my God more then I did my husband I shall find both comfort and content in his mercy Lord how fraile and weake am I that I cannot discharge the debt of nature but I must bring in question the power of grace I cannot grieve for the death of my departed husband without discovering some diffidence some distrust in my God But I will pray unto the Lord to for give the excesse of my love to my deceased husband the excesse of my teares for the death of my husband and to convert these teares into dropps of sorrow for my hainous offences To him will I hasten to him will I speedily addresse my selfe and mournfully will I cry and begge and pray and say The Prayer FAther of mercies and God of all consolation Ioa 11.25 vers 26 thou who art the resurrection and the life in whom whosoëver believeth shall live though hee were dead and in whom whosoëver liveth and believeth shall not die eternally send downe thy grace into my sinfull soule that I may magnifie thy name for delivering thy servant from the miseries of this life and for inthroning him in the celestiall â—erusalem where I doubt not but hee reigneth Thou knewest his sufferances and the sharpenesse of his sicknesse in mercy didst release him of his miserie to crowne him with glory Thy favours were infinite in his spirituall comforts when his body languished through the extreamitie of his disease By thy scourge thou taughtest him how thou abhorrest sinne yet I doubt not but thou hast freed him from the torments of hell through the sufferances of thy Sonne For thy goodnesse to him thy name be glorified and I humbly besiech thee to extend thy mercy likewise unto her who honoureth thee for it Thou knowest Lord the distresse of my soule for want of him whom thou hast taken from mee Thou seest mine affliction and thou numberest my teares O be gratious unto mee thine unworthy servant and send mee comfort in the midst of these sorrows Give mee grace
charitable to deceased strangers had not the price of him who dyed for all beene the unhallowed summe to purchase the field When they met with that coyne which was not for their use with that they purchased an Akeldama for foreiners But is it not all one in what part of the ground I burie my husband so I lay his body in a place that is set apart for that purpose Surely noe allthough it is equall to him yet is it not to mee Allthough at the resurrection wee shall meete againe at what distance soëver our graves shall be made yet there is some reason wee should be buried so neere as wee may that as our bodies were injoyned a mutuall society in the time of life so they might allso sleepe together in the silent dust It is but just that one grave should receave the bodies of us for whom one bed was designed upon earth that as in our lives wee were made one flesh so after our deaths wee should make one lumpe When Barzillay was offered a favour from King David and wooed to spend his time at the Court hee besought the King saying Let thy servant I pray thee turne back againe that I may dye in mine owne citty 2. Sam. 19.37 and be buried by the grave of my father and of my mother Friends have ever desired to lye by friends that those especially who were knitt together in blood affection might be joyned together in their earth and ashes In the cave of Machpelah which Abraham bought of Ephron for fowre hundred shekells of silver Gen 23.16 was buried both himselfe c 49.31 c. 50.13 Act. 5.10 and Sarah his wife There lay Isaak and Rebekah his wife and there lay Leah and Iacob her husband Though Saphira dyed by the judgment of God for the lye shee had tould yet when shee fell dead at Peter's feete and yeelded up the ghost the young men came in and caried her forth and buried her by her husband It is therfore convenient that I choose a place for the buriall of my husband where if so it may be I my selfe may be layed Convenient it is but not absolutely necessarie for the soules shall not enjoy the lesse felicitie for the remoter distance and seperation of the bodies neither shall the bodies either be sensible of the disjunction or shall it retard their meeting at the generall day Allthough the bones of Iacob were caried into the land of Canaan Gen 50.13 vers 5. and buried in the caye of the field of Machpelah which Abraham bought according as hee had made his sonne Ioseph sweare to him before his death yet hee had formerly buried his beloved Rachel in the way to Ephrah c 35.19 which is Bethlehem and there Iacob set a pillar upon her grave which was called the pillar of Rachel's grave vers 20. When the children of Israel journied from Beeroth of the children of Iaakan to Mosera Deut 10.6 Num 20.1 there Aaron dyed and there hee was buried where as Miriam his wife dyed in Kadesh and was buried there yea and Moses his brother the servant of the Lord dyed in the land of Moab Deut 34.5 vers 6. and it is fayd that God himselfe buried him in a valley in the land of Moab over against Beth-Peor but noe man knoweth of his sepulcher peradventure lest the Israelites should have committed idolatrie and worsâ—ipped him for a God Thus doe I sit and muse about the buriall of him whom so deerely I loved Yet mee think's I could most readily preserve him from the dust if either it were in my power or might bring mee content But goe hee must and I must follow him This narrow roome of his coffin must be put in trust with his mouldering earth and hee who in his life time was entertained with varietie of spacious chambers must now securely sleepe in the chamber of a grave O how it grieveth mee to see this effect of sin Had not Adam fallen my husband had not dyed But oh hee 's dead and since nor teares nor sigh's nor groanes nor cryes have power to recall him it is therfore my duety and it shall be my care to expresse my love to him in the rites of his funerall Friends shall carie him neighbours shall attend on him and my teares shall embalme him The Preacher shall be instructed in the vertue which adorned him that so hee may commend them to others for their due imitation The hearers shall greedily attend to the praises of the dead and not onely acknowledg their trueth but contentedly wish like him to live and like him to dye Now ô now another storme approacheth in mine eyes for the companie beginneth to approach my dores and my neighbours and my friends are hastening to my house But when they come let them not thinke to comfort mee lest they adde to my griefe while they vainely strive to conquer my passion I cannot allow an intermission or forbearance of teares lest I should appeare un-naturall If I doe not weepe I did not love O mee think's I could willingly weepe my selfe into a statue that I might become his monument It is the height of injustice to forbid my teares since the delight of mine eyes is now to be caried to the place of oblivion Mee think 's every thing seemeth to call for a teare which is the object of a sense Those bells which so mournfully accord in their tunes invite my neighbours to come to the funerall yet not to appeare with emptie eyes unlesse they come to learne how to weepe These herbes these strewings which lately were fresh and at ease in their beds are willing to lye even under the feete of those that will mourne and because they have noe eyes themselves to weepe us a teare they lye to receave what shall droppe from the mourners These spriggs of Rosemarie doe call to my remembrance with what joy and delight they pleased mee at my nuptialls but lest I should forget the greater happinesse of the mariage with the Lamb even this herbe which served at our wedding doe's attend at the funerall O mee think's these sprigs have sad Rhetorick sitting on their leaves for those dropps of water which hang upon them were once the blood of the fragrant flowers and now are the teares of the drooping plants Sâ— ready were these spriggs to come when I desired them that they slipped from their stemmes to attend these obsequies These exotick perfumes which delight the sense are willing to be burned rather then the living shall be offended with the dead These sable garments strike terrour into the eye and command the spectatour to lend us a sigh And what other lecture is read here or taught but God's decree of man's mortalitie The chiefe speaker and Oratour is hee who hath now forgotten to speake for the locking up of his senses the silence of his tongue and the coldnesse of his pale frozen body have more force to prove the
seldome is love forgotten in the mother of children Cant. 3 6. in whom it is commonly as strong as death vers 7. for many waters cannot quench it neither can the floods drowne it Much therfore I cannot blame the wife of Zebedeus for the fervency of her affection to her beloved Sonnes All that shee erred in was both in the thing shee requested and in the person to whom shee tendered her petition Surely without offence I may likewise besiech my mercifull Saviour that hee will be pleased to undertake the protection of my young ones It is a petition more proper for mee then her's was for her for shee was living and might have beene a comfort unto them but I am dying I am leaving the world I lye drawingon and wayting for that blessed hower of my Saviours comeing All that is left mee now to doe is onely to blesse them before my departure and this is the best legacie that I can bequeath unto them I must I will blesse them by the leave and favour of my God yet not as from my selfe but onely from God not as thinking that my power can purchase their happinesse but praying to him that his blessing may prosper them Thus by faith did dying Iacob blesse both the Sonnes of Ioseph Heb. 11 21. and worshipped leaning upon the top of his staffe Thus old Isaak said unto Esau his Sonne Gen. 27 2. vers 3. Behold now I am old I know not the day of my death now therfore take I pray thee thy we opons thy quiver and thy bowe and goe out to the field and take mee some venison vers 4. and make mee savourie meate such as I love and bring it to mee that I may eate that my soule may blesse thee before I dye Thus Isaak blessed Iacob and said c 28.3 God All-mighty blesse thee and make thee fruitfull and multiplie thee that thou mayest be a multitude of people c. 49.28 Thus Iacob blessed the twelve tribes when hee spake unto them and blessed them every one according to his blessing hee blessed them c 31.55 Thus Laban even in the time of his health rose up early in the morning and kissed his Sonnes and his daughters and blessed them and then departed and returned to his place Yea thus even Moses who was but a leader of the people and not so neerely linked unto them by the bonds of nature blessed them and sayd Deut. 1 11. The Lord God of your fathers make you a thousand times so many more as yee are and blessed you as hee hath promised you Thus the same Moses againe drawing neere to the time of his leaving the world c. 33.1 with his blessing did blesse the children of Israel before his death Thus when the dayes of David drew neere that hee should dye 1. King 2.1 hee gave a charge and a blessing to his beloved Sonne Solomon And noe marveile since it is most true that hee whom God blesseth is blessed Num 22.6 and hee whom hee curseth is cursed The blessing of a parent is nothing but a prayer to the giver of good things Iam. 1.17 that hee may be pleased to send his blessing on their issue Mee thinks therfore the words of Samuel which hee sayd unto the people doe take a deepe impression in my breast 1. Sam. 12.23 for hee sayd God forbid that I should sinne against the Lord in ceasing to pray for you With leave then of my God I will see my children and I will kisse them as Laban did his and I will likewise blesse them The Lord direct mee in my prayers for them and the Lord accept my prayers grant my requests which I shall make unto him for them part 2 The Second part being the benediction or blessing it selfe ending in a prayer MY deerest children yee whom I love in the tender yerning bowells of affection draw neere and attend to the words of your dying mother A weake woman yee see I am but yet sinfull I am which peradventure yee see not O weepe not my prettie ones doe not pierce and breake my troubled heart with your sad laments I must dye my litle ones and goe to a better place whither yee I hope shall one day follow mee Wee came not together into the world nor shall wee goe together out of it In vaine doe yee shed those teares of sorrow for allthough nature teacheth you to bewayle my departure yet grace will teach you to moderate your mourning My heart even bleede's to leave you behind mee fearing lest yee will forget the commandements of your God I should be sorrie to have just cause to say unto you as Moses did to the Levites yet I will put you in mind of his words Deut. 31.27 Behold sayd hee while I am yet alive with you this day yee have beene rebellious against the Lord vers 29 how much more after my death I know that after my death yee will utterly corrupt your selves and turne aside from the way which I commanded you and evill will befall you in the latter dayes because yee will doe evill in the sight of the Lord Heb. 6.9 to provoke him to anger through the worke of your hands But I am perswaded better things of you and things that accompanie salvation though I thus speake O my deare ones hearken unto the words which I shall say They must be my legacie unto you heare mee with patience and treasure up in your memories the last speech of your fainting your dying mother How deare yee cost mee before yee had life and what pangs and torments I suffered for you before yee were heard or seene in the world yee cannot imagine nor I expresse Yet all was forgotten for joy that yee were borne Ioa 16.21 and hoping that yee would adde unto the quire of Saints To this purpose I have laboured and taken care for the nourishment both of your soules bodies and for your sustentation so much as in mee lay from the breast to this instant O what sad and perplexed thoughts have I had for you in the day times and how many howers have I borrowed from my sleepe in the nights to thinke what would become of you if yee should not be obedient to the commandements of my God! To the same God they are best knowne O how often upon my knees have I prayed for your happinesse and wept and mourned when yee have done what yee ought not To him is it best knowne to whom I now am goeing Sometimes when yee have offended I was enforced to correct you but each stripe which yee receaved did cut mee into the heart In many things yee failed because yee were young and in many things I failed too because I am a weake and a sinfull woman If at any time yee thought that I did not my duety take heede that hereafter yee remember it not to my dishonour Ponder in your
blesse you if yee be righteous vers 28 Ps 5.12 Ps 115.13 2. Tim 4.6 and â—ith favour hee will compasse you as with a shield Hee will blesse them that feare him both small and greate And now my children I have not much more to say to you for the time of my departure is at hand If yee doe heartily love your God I know that yee will affectionately love each other yee will be observant to your guardians and instructours yee will be courteous unto all Be not dismayed at any crosse or affliction at any losse or povertie which may fall upon you Mat 6.33 Deut 28.8 Ex 23.25 but seeke yee first the Kingdome of God and his righteousnesse and then all other things shall be added unto you Then the Lord shall command the blessing upon you both in your store-houses in all that yee set your hands unto Hee shall blesse your bread and your water Deutâ— 28.3 and take away sicknesse from the midst of you Blessed shall yee be in the citty and blessed shall yee be in the field vers 4. Blessed shaâ— be the fruits of your bodies and the fruit of your grounds and the fruits of your cattell and the increase of your kine and the flocks of your sheepe vers 5. Blessed shall be your basket vers 6. and your store Blessed shall yee be when yee come in and blessed shall yee beâ— when yee goe forth c. 7.13 The Lord will love youâ— and will blesse you and multiplie you buâ— will allso blesse the fruit of the wombe unto you and the fruit of your land and your corne and your wine and your oyle and the increase of your kine and the flocks of your sheepe in the places where yee shall live c. 28.12 Hee will open unto you his good treasure the heaven to give the raine unto your land in his season and to blesse all the worke of your hands Gen. 49.25 and yee shall lend unto many and yee shall not borrow Hee shall helpe you and blesse you with the blessings of heaven above blessings of the deepe that lyeth under and blessings of the breasts of the wombe And that hee may thus blesse you the same Lord direct your hearts preserve you in his blessing All that I can doe now is to pray for you and my weakenesse will hardly permit mee to doe that yet so long as I can speake I trust I shall pray and in my petitions remember both my selfe and you While I am yet alive it is my duety to pray for you and it is your duety allso to pray for mee The Lord graunt that wee may all doe what hee requireth at 〈◊〉 hands Doe not yee grieve too much that I am so neere my rest for it is the decree of â—…y God and the longing expectation of my â—earied selfe The Lord give you patience to â—ndure this affliction and the Lord give mee â—atience and perseverance unto the end Now I goe the way of all the earth 1. King 2.2 Keepe yee the Charge of the Lord your God to walke in his wayes to keepe his statutes vers 3. and his commandements and his judgments and his â—estimonies as it is written in the Scriptures that yee may prosper in all that yee doe and whithersoëver yee turne your hands The Lord give you the blessing of Iudah Deut. 33.7 and â—eare your voyces and let your hands be sufficient for you and let him be an helper to you from your enemies and the Lord give you the blessing of Benjamin vers 12 The Lord cover you all the day long and dwell betweene your shoulders And the Lord give you the blessing of Ioseph vers 13 Blessed of the Lord be your land for the pretious things of heaven for the deaw and for the deepe that coucheth beneath vers 14 and for the pretious fruits brought forth by the Sunne vers 16 and for the pretious things put forth by the Moone and for the pretious things of the earth and fullnesse thereof and for the good will of him that dwelt in the hush The eternall God be your resuge vers 27 and underneath you the everlasting armes 2. Sam. 7.26 And now ô Lord God let it please thee to blesse the house of thy servant Vers 29 and with thy blessing letâ— familie of thy servant be blessed for ever Deut. 26.15 ps 67.1 Lâ—… downe from thine holy habitation from heare and blesse them O my God he mercifull uâ— them and blesse them and cause thy face to 〈◊〉 upon them And now with Iacob I have made an 〈◊〉 of commanding you Gen. 49.33 and ready I am to gathâ—… up my feete into the bed and to yeeld up the 〈◊〉 and to be gathered unto my fathers Onâ—… come yee neere my deere ones that I 〈◊〉 kisse you and that my cold and clammy haâ—… may be layed upon your heads that I may once more blesse you and dye Fare-well my prettie ones farewell the children of my deare affection 2. Cor. 13.11 I must leave you and I hope I shall leave my God with you who will be unto you a father of mercies and 〈◊〉 God of all consolation Once more fare-well 1. Pet. 3 8. 2. Tim. 4.23 Love as brethren and the God of love and peace be with you The Lord Iesus Christ be with your spirits Grace be with you all Amen subject 26 THE TWENTIE-SIXTH SUBjECT Teares of a dying woman wherein is set downe her religious exercises 1 A Soliloquie in which is set forth 1 A desire of life 2 The certaintie of death 2 A godly preparation against the minuit of death 3 A prayer of the sick 4 The consolation of the godly in the hower of death 5 The resignation of the soule into the hands of God exercise 1 â—he Soliloquie wherein is set forth part 1 1. A desire of life THE EjACULATION â—sal 5. vers 1. Give eare to my words o Lord consider my meditation vers 2. Hearken unto the voice of my cry my king and my God for unto thee will I pray VVHen Ahazia had fallen downe through a lattesse in his upper chamber 2. King 1.2 that was in Samaria and was sick of 〈◊〉 fall hee sent messengers to enquire of Baal-zebub the God of Ekron whether hee should recover of that dangerous sicknesse Every one desireth a fore-knowledg of events that they might prevent those dangers which otherwise might ensue Herein mee thinks wee endeavour a kind of imitation of our maker labouring unjustly for his attribute of prae-science But if wee desire what hee forbiddeth wee seeke but our destruction in the pursuit of our desires Of some things hee often permitteth us a fore-knowledg and somethings againe hee hideth from us that so both by ouâ— knowledg wee may conjecture at what a blessing wee should have enjoyed had not Adam transgressed and allso that by our ignorance wee may
set it forth from day to day Ps 96.2 part 2 The Second part of the Soliloquie wherein is set forth the certaintie of Death A Braham is dead the Prophets are dead and my Saviour Christ sayd Io 8.52 If a man keepe my sayings hee shall never tast of death At this the Iewes were very much stumbled and mee think 's they had some collour for their contention about it For if Abraham were dead Rom. 4 11. Iam 2.23 Gen 22 18. Lu 1.70 who was the father of the faithfull who was the friend of God hee in whose seede all the nations of the earth were promised a blessing because hee obeyed the voyce of the Lord And if the Prophets were allso dead those holy Prophets which have beene since the world began and by whom the Lord did reveale his pleasure unto the people If all these were dead well might the Iewes wonder when our Saviour said If a man keepe my saying hee shall never tast of death Well indeede they might wonder for ignorance is the cause of all our merveiles Did wee but know a certaine reason for every event wee should never wonder at that which happeneth but wee should magnifie the first greatest cause which is God The Iewes wondered because they were ignorant and supposed that our Saviour had spoken of a temporall death whereas hee meant that which is eternall True it is that the temporall death is an effect and fruit of the first sinne but eternall death is the punishment of impenitencie and infidelitie for those who both can and truely doe repent neither can nor shall be lyable to an eternall death Nay dye they cannot in any kind for this which wee call a death shall be to them but a deliverance and that death which is a perpetuall living death in the land of darknesse they shall be certainly freed from by the blood of the Sonne of God Yet this passage this sweete change in the godly and allso this gate which openeth to the ungodly the way to eternall woe the Scripture doeth commonly tearme a death this death cannot possibly be avoyded by the children of Adam Heb. 9.27 for it is appointed unto men once to dye 'T is true 't is true indeede I am ready to find it verefied in my selfe for the harbingers of this death have taken up my body where it intendeth to lodg The weakenesse of my limbs and the faintnesse of my spirits and the shortnesse of my breath and the lownesse of my voyce and the palenesse of my cheekes and the hollownesse of mine eyes all these doe but assure mee of the approaches of this death But is there noe resistance Is there noe reversing of the decree Noe repealing of the statute Alas noe none at all This body which hath beene pampered with the delicacie of meates must now be slaughtered and make a feast for the wormes These bones which have layen upon the beds of ease must become as tables for the loathsome vermine And this skinne this prowde skinne which hath stollen so much time to imploy in the suppling and colouring and smoothing and covering of it must serve like a cloath spread on these tables whereon must be presented this collation for the wormes Short is my life fleeting are my dayes and my winged minuits fly with such speede that I caâ— hardly count them so fast as they consume Wheâ— I enjoyed the most sound and beloved health even then the shortnesse of my life was discovered in my breath for I was intrusted onely with a litle ayer which neither was in my power long to keepe nor long without it could I possiblie continue I was so false in my promises which I made unto my God that hee would not trust mee long with the keepng but of a litle of that element I have allways lâ—ved at the brinke of death and yet never seriously enough thought of that which now is ready to approach I never thought indeede of the hower of my death by a due preparation to entertaine it when it should come Nay I fondly imagined that it must of necessitie keepe the roade of diseases sicknesse whereas it might have hastened by wayes un-expected When I was healthfull I grew so proude that I imagined certainly it either could not or durst not assayle my body and yet when I was afflicted with the smallest paine then againe I was so cowardly dejected that I was afraid it hastened by each part and member When I smarted I was taken off from my pride but the cure of that sinne was an immoderate and a slavish feare But now I am well assured that neither strength nor youth nor beauty nor physick nor any thing else can secure our bodies from returning to the earth True it is that the dead know not any thing Eccl 6.5 neither have they any more a reward for the memorie of them is forgotten but the living know that they shall dye c 8.8 There is noe man that hath power over the spirit to reteine the spirit neither hath hee power in the day of death Wherfore then have 〈◊〉 so long lived in ignorance or forgetfullnesse of mine end If I had remembred it I would have fitted and prepared mine accounts against the time it should come If I had knowne it I would have laboured to have made the judge my friend But ô I forgot it for I increased my sinnes and thought not of the debt I was ignorant too and knew not the terribloesse of the Iudg. Now mee think's these cold and clammie sweats doe chiefely arise from my chiding conscience and from the convulsions which there I suffer through the guilt of my sinnes I never was so carelesse or ignorant of death as I now am certaine of it yet afraid to dye Eccl 12.7 Iob. 30.23 Now I am sensible that my dust shall returne to the earth as it was I know that the Lord will bring mee to death to the house appointed for all the living Die say I Yes But must I dye Yes But when That I know not many dayes or howers I cannot expect to live who am allready pined into the leanenesse of an Anatomie But where must I dye That I know not neither even in this bed it is most likely where I now lye languishing in the torments of my disease But how or by what meanes must I dye Nor can I tell that allthough this sicknesse seemeth to be dispatched hither for this very purpose But if it be so sure that dye I must is it likewise as sure to what place I shall goe O this question is the common troubler of the dying There are but two havens where soules can arrive the one is the holy land the new Ierusalem the haven of eternall happinesse the other is a land too but it is a land of darknesse a land of smoakes and stinkes a place of eternall horrour To the former the godly are wafted by a convoy of
speaketh better things then that of Abel Rev. 2.10 1. Cor 3.21 vers 22 vers 23 I know that if I am faithfull unto death hee will give unto mee a crowne of life I know that all things are ours so long as wee are his whether the world or life or death or things present or things to come all are ours and wee are Christ's Christ is God's Why the doe I crie out upon my paines Is any paine which I can suffer either so much as I deserve by offending my Iesus or comparable to his torments which hee suffered for mee Flesh thou hast disturbed mee all my life with thy sweete and sugered baites hast allured mee to sinne but I will drowne thee therfore in my teares Thou art allready drawen low by my sicknesse and yet because this punishment is not enough thou who wert kept from staines with curious though simple art shalt now be tumbled into the dirt from whence thou camest For the beds of downe on which thou hast stretched thy selfe thou shalt lye downe in the hard and stonie earth for the greate and spatious chamber◠which thou didst pride thy selfe in thou shalt be confined to the skantnesse narrownesse of a coffin for the curious hangings which adorned thy roomes were the costly adventures and labours of forreiners thou shalt be closely wrapped bound in thy grave-clothes and for the gallant societie which thou so cheerefully delightedst in thou shalt have the companie of nothing but wormes yea and such wormes too as thou didst loath in thy seeming prosperitie shall be at once both thine associates thy greedie devourers World thou art an imposter hast treacherously deluded mee with hopes of vanitie but now I find that thy braverie is but follie thy riches but fumes smoakes that vanish thy friendship but hatred thy pride but madnesse thy beautie but uglinesse and all thy temtations are but leaders to destruction I hate thee therfore thou vaine world and leave thee behind mee as contemning the societie of trifles so un worthy and though for a time thou mayst foole the un wise and bewitch them with the false glasses of thy seeming glory yet know thou that the time shall come when thou shalt consume in thy flames and shalt burne in a heape at the day of revenge And as for you ô yee black and uglie slaves of perdition yee hellish-criew of infernall fiends goe seeke some other to delude with your suggestions in mee yee have neither share nor hope for neither should your torments be lessened if yee could seduce mee nor shall nor can your madnesse prevaile against thy redeemed soule to increase the number of your schreeches and howlings And now ô my Iesus come come away for I am thine and thou art mine Why stayest thou so long Why delayest thou the time The longer I live I doe but the more offend thee and the more I offend thee the more doe my sorrowes burden mee for these mine offences O would it not be more for thy glory to free mee from corruption that I might sing praises to thy name without any feare of displeasing thee How long Lord how long wilt thou keepe mee from thy tryumphant quire Ps 42.2 My soule is a thirst for thee my heart panteth after thee ô when shall I come and appeare in thy presence ô my God O how truely and eagerly doe I long for death that I may live with thee who art the truth and the life Io 14.6 I know that one day dye I must but my death shall be nothing but a passage unto life for though in Adam all dye yet in thee ô Christ 1. Cor. 15.22 shall all be made a live I cry Lord I cry to thee I cry because thee I have offended to thee onely I cry because thou onely doest heare and wilt helpe to thee onely I cry because thou onely hast redeemed mee to thee ô to thee I cry to hasten to come with speede O God make speede to save mee O Lord make hast to helpe mee Dan. 9.19 Rom 7 24. Ps 22.17 O Lord heare ô Lord forgive ô Lord deliver mee from the body of this death These pale cheekes and these hollow eyes and these staring bones and this sbrivell'd skinne are now mee think's adorned with beautie because they bring mee the glad tidings of the approaches of my Redeemer This bed is hard to what I shall find in the grave these sheetes are course and un-easie to that which I shall be wound in Come ô Christ ô stay noe longer I feare thou art angrie with mee or else ere now I should have seene thy face but if thou art angry Ps 30.5 I am well assured that thy wrath endureth but the twinkling of an eye and in thy presence is life My spirit cryes come and my wearied soule cryes come and my weake limbs cry come Come therfore ô my Redeemer Come Lord Iesus Come quickly exercise 5 5. The resignation of the Soule into the hands of God THe Prophet Ieremiah admonished the house of Israel saying Give glory to the Lord your God before hee cause darknesse and before your feete stumble upon the darke mountaines and while yee looke for light and hee turne it into the shadow of death and make it grosse darknesse That glory I have given and now I doe render to the Lord my God so farre as hee in his goodnesse is pleased to enable mee And now that time is come that happy moment O Well-come blessed hower so long expected so long desired How rebellious hath beene my flesh that it held put so long and now hides it selfe under my dryed skinne and shrink's it selfe up as unwilling to yeeld Away proud dust thou canst have noe hope of a freedome from putrefaction allthough the time shall come when the Lord will glorifie thee That time I know will come indeede yea I know it assuredly Ps 56.9 Iob. 19.25 vers 26 for the Lord is on my side I know that my Redeemer liveth and that hee shall stand at the latter day upon the earth and though after my skinne wormes destroy this body vers 27 yet in my flesh I shall see God whom I shall see for my selfe and mine eyes shall behold and not other though my reines be consumed within mee I have though weakely and imperfectly endeavoured to glorifie my God before this hower approached both in the confesion to him of my grievous sinnes ah those uglie sinnes which I still grieve for am sorry for them and yet not without a certaine confidence and assurance of his mercy Lord I thanke thee for this happy hower Now I find that though the wicked is driven away in his wickednesse Pro 14 32. yet I am filled with hope in my death Wicked alas I was and woe is mee wicked I am if considered in my felfe but in thee ô Iesus I am holy in thy righteousnesse I am righteous therfore