commended what others out of ignorance may obiect fat bee it from your Lordship so to iudge Phil. 3.6 Socra scho cap. 18. For it hath beene practised by the best sort of Christians euer since Christs time with such precise and strict seueritie as they did not onlie resist all externall acts of sinne but chastised their bodies with corporall affliction 2 Cor. 6.5 which is manifest in the liues of the Apostles by their much fasting watching and praying Likewise Saint Augustines conuersion and Saint Ieromes approbation of Paul and Antony the Heremites besides the discipline he vsed vpon his owne bodie with manie other ancient Fathers which for feare of being tedious I omit So that if these holie men were fain to vndertake such strait captiuitie for gaining of heauen what punishment should I endure for preuenting of hell 1 Pet. 4.17 whose whole course of life hath beene a race of errours especiallie when the spirit of God dailie knockes at my heart to prosecute the same austeritie which giues mee a more cleare reuelation of Gods fauours where now I finde the theorie so much to be true by practise that I call God to witnes I am no more able to expresse the felicities I enioie then remember the catologue of my past offences let therefore other men thinke as they please of this alteration 1 Cor. 4.3.4 it sufficiently contents me that the Saints in heauen reioyce at my conuersion For God hath spoken peace to my soule my soule preacheth peace to my conscience my conscience sings a comfortable sweet All-haile to my sad heart and should the world the flesh or the Deuill sound all their most powerfull instruments to plucke from this my resolution they may sacrifice my flesh vpon the worlds Altar but my faith shal be so sure found hanging vpon the hornes of this Sanctum Sanctorum as my heart is confident that your Lordships former fauour conferd on me was preordaind to be a meanes of sealing your redemption by the death and passion of our Sauiour were your past transgression red as scarlet for that I am bounde to acknowledge vnder God your Honours affable curtesie established my regeneration 1 Pet 4.8 and what the reward is in gaining a soule Ioh. 5.20 beleeue not mee but the promise of Christ exprest in holy writ Humbly intreating your Lordship so farre to continue your respect as when any shall question my fidelitie aduise them to suspend their censure till the fortunate fatall tribunall day of iudgement which will decide the question without malice The rather for that each of vs were baptized with the signe of the Crosse and both endeuouring to hit the same marke though with seuerall shafts But if it should fall out to be knowne that they themselues continue in any one wilfull sinne your Lordship may boldlie giue no more credence to their language in points of Religion then to a periured man in case of a triall For as the Law will not admit of the one certainlie God will not allow of the other wheâ— the pensill of holy Writ confirms that the Diuell holds them as we by one sinne as by a thousand 1 Ioh. 3. Aâ— which I leaue to your Honour graue iudiciall iudgement anâ— rest Your euerliuing Beadsman Thomas Bushel To the onely sonne and bloud of my owne body BEloued the Lord thy God hath commanded me to instruct thee thee to obey me vpon penaltie of eternall punishment that wilfullie breakes the couenant if my aduertisement agree with the pensill of the holie Ghost otherwise thou art free I only bound which to auoid the danger of my part I haue as God hath enabled my illiterate and humane apprehension bequeathed vnto thee by my wofull experience a briefe diuine and morall way how to prostrate thy louing obedience towards God and man for the surer preuenting Natures frailty the safetie of thy owne soule Gods glorie and the discharge of a fathers dutie that thou mightst not curse thy birth I thy being nor diuine prouidence repent of thy making hoping the president of my late erroneous life will cause thine to be religious otherwise my iniquities will bee added to thy transgressions though no ease to each of our sufferings Let therefore thy internall faculties of body and soule be zealous towards thy Creator in keeping his Commandements with a trembling feare of violating the least and a willing desire to performe them all in so doing thy mortalitie is sure to bee ratified with immortall glorie Let his iust iustice euer go before thee and his infinite mercie will not faile to follow thee Let thy meditations be alwaies vpon our Sauiours sufferings then thou canst not be so ingrate as to forget his blessings nor neglect thy duties Giue thankes to thy maker for thy nights sleeping and morne waking with humble desire of his continuall prouidence for the day following and at night call thy selfe to a strict account of what good deedes thou hast omitted and what offences thou hast committed who were the occasions of the one and neglect of the other from such refraine vnlesse thou canst command thy selfe not they thee but if they proceed from thine owne stiffenecked nature condole thy infirmity chastize thy iniquitie with continuall abstinency vntill thou findst reason and religion to master thy passion and affection by this means thou wilt euer after sleepe in peace continue obedient and remaine in safetie but on the contrarie as thy conception was wretched so thy life will bee lamentable thy death miserable and thy torments ineuitable Let therefore thy beleeuing faith bee grounded vpon the rocke Christ Iesus for that is the true Religion the others are tost vpon the waues of time proceeding rather from mens frailtie then any setled veritie Yet lest thy conscience should be eclipsed and thy continuance reuerted into the dreadfull danger of a lukewarme Christian by beholding so many graue Senatours of seuerall Religious opinions I haue held it expedient vpon my death bed and according to my engagement as the soule of mee must answer the same at the tribunall day of iudgement to present vnto thy internall spirits these recited precepts Let thy heart and conscience bee incorporate to the bodie of Christs vniuersal Catholike Church performing so farre as in thee lieth all these prescriptions which he hath enioined thee to obserue obey and keepe in holy writ and when thy conscience together with thy ghostly Father approoues of thy inabilitie to bee capable of the Sacramentall mercie make a true confession of thy life past with an inward repentant contrition that euer thou didst offend and a constant resolution by Gods permission neuer more willing to offend but suffer death rather then violate thy condition as afterwards to commit a hainous sinne or wilfully continue in any other This being zealoushe kept God warrants thee saluation who then will accuse thee thy conscience cannot and Christ hath protested he will not if thou doest thy vtmost endeauor
restore me soone after to my former traâ—quility and hauing recouered a seâ—sible feeling my oppressed heart dâ—sired to know whether his iudgements were so seuere as my apprehension led mee I suddenly maâ—â— to my poore caue God knowes â—th troubled thoughts for my coâ—â—tions were eyther drowning or â—â—cuting my selfe yet those assalts â—asily repulsed by Gods assisting â—â—mission with the president of Iuâ—â—â— and the like but then opening 〈◊〉 booke of the old and new Testaâ—ent there I found our first parent â—â—am whom God gaue dominion the whole world Gen. 3.17 yet for eating â—â—e apple forbidden though it was the intisement of another hee and â—â—s posteritie were extinguished for â—â—er Num. 20.27.33 Likewise Moses and Aaron notwithstanding they could obtaine â—â—y thing at Gods hands yet for that â—â—ey somewhat doubted of the miraâ—e promised by God they were deâ—tred for euer going into the land of promise 1. Sam. 15.17.18.23 Againe Saul whom 〈◊〉 chose to be the first King of his pâ—ple was degraded of his dignitie 〈◊〉 giuen ouer to the hands of an eâ—spirit for that he did but reserue so certaine spoiles of warre being comanded to the contrary Leuit. 10.2 Besides suddaine killing of Nadah and Abâ—â— sonnes of Aaron for once offering ther fire then was appointed thâ—â— The striking deade of Ananias 〈◊〉 Sapphira for onely retaining soâ—â— part of their owne goods by deceâ— from the Apostles Acts. 5.10 Likewise the iection of Cain and his linage foâ—â—uer straight vpon his murther Gen. 7.10 â—â—sides Beniamin the onely sonne of â—â—cob whom God loued so dearely Gen. 4.2 Iudg. 20. 〈◊〉 for one sinne that was committed Gibeah vpon the wife of a Leuâ— â—od destroyed almost the whole â—â—be of men women and children â—ith many other examples which â—aring to claime any alliance of Iues I surceased with repentance that I â—ad them O my deare brother that 〈◊〉 presumptuous sinners had felt the â—â—ck of my torture at the same instant â—â—ey would haue confessed in their earts that God is seuere and iust as â—e is infinitly mercifull yet my conâ—ience alwaies assured me hee neuer â—ft a sinner that desired truly to reâ—ent without a sinner forsooke him â—hich was some ease to my surcharâ—ed sufferings But the arch-enemy â—f man continued his Rhetorickes â—nd applications of despaire reueaâ—ng alwaies to my memory these â—nd the like herse-like sounding presidents of holy writ if the righteoâ— shall scarcely be saued where shall â— vngodly and sinner appeare 1. Pet. 4.17.18 and iudgement begin at the house of Goâ— what shall the expectation or end wicked men be howsoeuer I douted not in the mercy of my Sauioâ— but in my owne base and vnworthâ— demerits for that hee is certaineâ— faithfull Heb. 10.23 if I hold fast the professioâ— of my faith according to the measuâ— which he hath giuen me yet whâ— with Satans assaulting my sinnâ— afflicting and feare of not obtaâ—ning Gods fauour it transformed 〈◊〉 from what I was to the portraiâ—uâ— of an Anatomy as the Inhabâ—tants neere adioyning to the sayâ— Isle can witnesse For those thaâ— came to visit me out of charity pittied me and I in Christianity grieâ—ed as much for their ignorance which being by his sacred pleasure brought to deaths doore and readie to yeeld vp the ghost in a â—amentable spectacle betweene hope and despaire at last there appeared spirituall-wise an apparition of my own picture the prodigall sonne Luk. 15. without intermission to my soule and sences which did reflect so much internall comfort as a woman in the agonie of her paines ioies to see a manchilde borne into the world Iohn 16.21 and forgets her past sufferings euen so the dailie contemplation of this cordiall parable restored mee to that height of happinesse as it did more auert the dolour of griefe sorrow and despaire then all the felicity I receiued by presidents in the olâ— and new Testament but when my conscience assured me the first part of his life I had acted to my eternall destruction and that of necessity I must follow the second to obtaine my redemption otherwise it would prooue infortunate and fatall which hauing pondered vpon the imbecillitie of my owne nature the allurements of the world and continuall assaults of Sathan I feard it would prooue too strict a captiuitie for mee to passe thorow whereupon I pleaded our Sauiour died for all sinners yet my conscience answered it was for none but those which truelie beleeued him in their liues and vnfainedlie repented in their hearts which made mee rememâ—er the dreadfull saying of Christ himselfe Rom. 9.27 Few are the number that should be saued O affectionated Brother that all my prodigall expences had beene transformed into pious charities my former pleasures into penitent praiers and my vaine discourses into true confessions then had I not liued a diligent slaue to Sathan Iam. 5.16 but a dutifull seruant to my Sauiour which God knowes now the neglect of either so much sounds reprobate as makes me descend with a dolefull heart and alleadge my birthright by baptisme But like a soft aire it answered not elected by adoption reiterating to my perplexed thoughts the president â— infortunate Esau who found nâ— place of repentance Heb. 12.17 though he sought it carefullie with teares But when at last I read the feare full saying of our Sauiour Maniâ— were called Mat. 20.10 but few were chosen O what an immortall wound â— gaue me for my decrepit hopâ— enforced me to curse conception birth life wishing the plague of Egypt had beene my copartners rather than those deceitfulâ— pleasures my companions which made mee so incapable of creation redemption and election I thus continued in this wofull spectacle for the space of two daies not caring to minister either rest or nourishment to my wearisome body but did wholly contemplate on my forlornd estate sayâ—ng to my selfe How should I know whether I bee elected or not The spirit answered either by a good life or true repentance which vpon examination was small comfort to me hauing neither performed the one nor endeuoured the other Whereupon finding my selfe by the allurements of Sathan vanities of the world and frailties of nature brought into so desperate wretched and dangerous case that if I did not forsake my selfe there was no saluation but damnation notwithstanding his death and passion which coniured mee by Gods permission faithfullie to resolue to discard all pleasures doubts scruples or feares and wholly depend vpon the sweet saying of our Sauiour Esay 1.18 Though my sinnes were as red as scarlet yet hee would make them as white as snow if so be my repentance proceed from contrition of heart during life otherwise I might feare mistrust despayre for I should much robâ— God of his iustice in dependingâ— vpon his mercy Ioh. 15.22 Psal 85.10 and damne myâ— soule with presuming on his fauour when himselfe protesteth they both kisse each other
especiallie his preseruation from so many dangers in the world and the assaults in this my conflict hath made me resolutely to set my rest vpon the anchor of this hope that if neither inward griefes nor penitent praiers by the mercies of our Sauiour cannot attaine vnto the ioyes of heauen I will striue to mitigate my torments in hell but certainelie I am resolued rather to suffer death then commit any grieuous or wilfull sinne for I should accompt my selfe more accursed then either Heathen Pagan Turke or Infidell by how much my knowledge exceedes their ignorance and his prouidence my basenesse in exhaling me out of Sodome to Zoar from an euill bewitching Court into a delightfull solitarie Caue where no fraud pride nor deceipt inhabits O my beloued Brother if you or any other did but know the inestimable happinesse which retirednesse bequeathes those that depend vpon Gods prouidence and are resolued to encounter temptation by reformation I am confident the man liues not that desires preseruation of his soule but would rather affect the solitarie continent life then all the pleasures of Solomon Though I must confesse the first two months were both fearefull dangerous and desperate but after repulsing the viâ—lent allusions of Sathan by these generall pleas to all his assaulting accusations alleadging I both confirmed and acknowledged his words to bee true that the wickednesse of my life neither had nor could deserue any hope fauor â— pardon and that I confidently â—eleeued as he said it were imposâ—ble so many sinnes should escape â—npunished hauing the same God â— be iudge which not onely creaâ—ed redeemed and preserued but â—nowes how opprobrious and â—ontemptible I haue beene to all â—s Lawes Statutes and Iudgeâ—ents giuing credence to his â—ords from my heart that euerie â—ilfull sinne should bee afflicted â—ith contrary particular torment â—onfessing that Gods sacred iustice â—espected no persons but rewarâ—ed euery man according to his â—eserts and therefore hee might â—est assured of mee when euer my Sauior was pleased to pronounce â—is sentence for that I knew my past life deserued none other aâ— as for future himselfe warrantâ— could merit no other Yet in regaâ— Gods vnsearchable prouidenâ— gaue me life after so many inhâ—mane transgressions and beleâ—uing the comfortable sayings 〈◊〉 Christs owne words those thing which are impossible to man weâ— no whit impossible to God Mar. 10.27 fâ— that he desired not the death of 〈◊〉 sinner but ioyes more at the coâ—uersion of one offender then ninâ—tie nine righteous Besides himselfe had made mee more capabâ— of apprehending Gods hatred tâ— sinne seueritie in punishment anâ— his blessings presumptuously abused by my basenesse So that 〈◊〉 were a monster in nature if eueâ— â— did more offend the Deietie of â—is sacred name Heb. 10.26 Ioh. 15.22 For in commitâ—ng wilfull sinne I should bee â—onfident it would trench against â—e Holy Ghost attributing hee â—artly rewarded the prentiship of â—ny seruice in reuealing the naked â—uth of my wretched estate proâ—esting vpon the faith of my saluaâ—ion let him say what he would â—ttempt what hee could yet noâ—hing should allure mee by Gods â—ssistance neither to despaire nor â—ffend my Creator more but leaâ—ing soule body life and death at his will and pleasure acknowledging my selfe that if he had made me one of his number I had iustly deserued it and if his infinite â—mercy saued mee I must confesse it were a miracle Howsoeuer 〈◊〉 would bee no longer disobedientâ— for that might prooue ingratitudâ— vpon ingratitude I knowing what fauours God hath bestowed and now hee telling mee whaâ— offences I haue committed assuring him if hee were permitted to punish mee with bodily affliction and temporall crosses the morâ— I were certaine of spirituall comfort Thus is and euer shall continue my resolution by the helpe of him that made me for before I had fixed my heart soule and sences vpon this intire affection neuer to be violated by any stratagemes whatsoeuer I was perpetually troubled with vncharitable thoughts vnquiet feares desperate despaires but now I â—nde they are either lessened or â—se I am carelesse of them Insoâ—uch that my inward faculties â—re mollified with a sensible humiâ—ty to offer vp my morning and â—uening sacrifice as a daily tribâ—â—â—â—f contrition that euer I did 〈◊〉 end and a trembling feare for to â—ffend wherein one night aboue â—ll the rest I cannot chuse but imâ—art the rapture of so much ioy â—hat me thought my apprehension was transformed into another â—emisphere yet durst not presume â—n his mercy for feare of robbing â—is iustice by reason I could neâ—er attaine to so high a pitch of â—elestiall happinesse but in a loâ—er orbe of teares and sorrowes to which I ascribe God the gloâ—â— For when I my selfe was a coâ—panion of others those discipliâ— posternes were as heathen greeâ— to me which now they prooâ— my daily delights of recreation yâ— shall neuer be at quiet vntill I haâ— obtained the period of that formâ— felicity which if nightly watcâ—ing daily fasting continuall praying or corporall affliction caâ— extract this vnparalleld comforâ— I will remaine constant by thâ— permission of God during life oâ—ly reseruing so much time fâ— nourishing the faculties of natuâ—â— that I may continue the longeâ— But peraduenture some of yoâ— lukewarme diuines will not admit of this life though I am minâ— owne taskemaster yet I hope you â—ill not build vpon the Theory 〈◊〉 anothers opinion more than â—e practise of your Brother that â—inioyned to loue you as his own â—ule howsoeuer for my particuâ—r may I neuer prosper in this my â—terprize if all deuines should â—ake it not lawfull by thetorick â—eech or traditions from Adam â—ey would not reflect the least â—ought of reuolt for that I haue â—yned more knowledge hope â—nd comfort to my oppressed â—ule in this one yeere of retiredâ—esse than fowre prentiships beâ—â—re yet I take God to witnesse â—ere is no man breathing that weth a more greate reuerence 〈◊〉 their function and doctrine then my selfe But if his diuiâ— permission amplifies a blessing my second edition as my hope depending I will giue such an 〈◊〉 sured satisfaction that your heaâ— soule and sences shall say God the author and man subiect 〈◊〉 palpable erronious errours 〈◊〉 the meane time following 〈◊〉 president of holy Dauid my truâ— is in God and therefore I feare 〈◊〉 what flesh can doe vnto me Your Brother though a desert Beadsmanâ— Thomas Bushel To the high and mighty mercifull Sauiour God of Heauen and only Judge of Earth The humble petition of thy distressed and deiected creature the superlatiue Prodigall WIth trembling feare sheweth That a poore Suppliant hath offended the Deitie of thy pious Maiestie in what not that 's ill with delectation of affection whereby I haue lost the birthright of creation preseruation and redemption which my fairest hopes cannoâ— presume thou wilt breake thâ— whole course of thy iustice in oâ— mitting so many crying sinnes tâ— escape vnpunished For that 〈◊〉 must
acknowledge with soule heart and conscience if thou saueâ— me it is a miracle and if thou reâ— fusest it were but iust iustice aâ—suring my selfe in forbearing thy chastising affection I shall eueâ— despaire of thy mercy and be confident of permanent punishmentâ— for that the pensill of holy Wriâ— which will not be violated Heb. 12.5 Apoc. 3.19 hath plainely expressed those whom thou receiuest thou chastenest and that their long laughing must be turned into bitter mourning Ioel. 2.12 Luk. 6.25 before they haue any true hope of thy grace fauour or pardon O then deare Mediatour I beseech thee minister dayly on me thy discipline correction Pro. 3. Iob 5. and when thou thinkest it meet let my inward griefe be my ioy the agony of death my comfort but if those will not penetrate my flintie nature to make mee glorifie thy vnspeakeable blessings and apprehend my base ingratitude Grant mee sweet Sauiour a feeling inspiration of torments due vnto the damned that if then I may not without robbing thy Iustice obtaine by thy Mercie a share in thy sufferings Yet I humbly pray thee let me be a second Diues vpon earth for admonishing my poore Christian brethren to preuent the like fall of so fatall a danger and the rather for that thou perceiuest offendours bee not so much terrified by thy iudgements pronounced in holy Writ as they are mollified at the sight of mortall creatures miseries Wherein it makes me feare Sathan by thy permission hath a more predominate power then thou that createst them All which I leaue to thy diuine Sacred will and vnsearchable mercie begging pardon for my bold presumption or if thou please to make intercession Mat. 8.8 and say Amen to my petition The affliction of a Prodigall O Deare and Immortall God! I thy abiects creature haue so highly offended thy Deitie Essence and Glory in prophaning thy Name abusing thy Blessings and slighting thy Sufferings that I dare claime no priuiledge by thy death no comfort in thy promises nor no fauour from thy mercies but the rigour of punishment the wrath of iustice and reward of the damned O miserie of all miseries what haue I lost thy Glory that made mee thy Sonne that dyed for mee and thy Spirit that sanctified me Is there a creature from Adam so wretched was there a child conceiued from Euab more miserable then I that haue lost the ioyes of heauen and purchast the fire of hell O my birth life and death I am wrapt in sorrow hauing small hope but in dispairing no comfort but in grieuing nor any ioy but in lamenting O thou false heart and cursed senses why were yee made to bring my soule in torture and your selues in torment to denie them will not auaile you to expect pardon is vnpossible to confesse them will hardly mitigate them O then deare Sauiour seeing I haue brought my selfe by sinfull presumption to permaâ—ent perdition yet let mee beg at thy hands the agony of indiuiduall sorrow which thou ordainest for the damned that if then the spectacle of my deserued maladie cannot dissolue thy iustice into mercy yet may mitigate my endlesse misery and not die like a stupid dog void of sence knowing thou madest me the image of thy Creature The Contemplation of a Prodigall MY God Creatour and Sauiour of the world was not I made thy image to serue and glorifie none other but thy selfe How falles it out deare Father that I haue beene more contemptible against all thy Lawes Sap. 5. Statutes and Blessings Ioh. 3.5 then a sauage beast I cannot beleeue it proceeded from originall sinne in that thy sacred selfe suffered for sinne nor from my conception Ezek. 33. for that thou desirest my preseruation but altogether by Sathans assaulting the worlds prouoking natures betraying and my owne stiffenecked transgression What reason then can my selfe or mortall man conceiue that thou wilt saue me when I neuer truely serued nor honoured thee Art not thou a iust Iudge Ier. 25. as thou hast beene a mercifull Sauiour To plead weaknesse auailes not wilfulnesse I dare not nor wanting thy assistance I cannot Wherefore then doest thou giue mee longer sustentation when thou knowest I haue deserued damnation Fxod 9.16 Act. 4.27 Is it for that thou wilt exceed in thy mercies to increase my miseries Or else are not my sinnes fully compleat for thy determined sufferings Why thou knowest Sathan offended thee but once I haue euer they both obey and feare thee I haue neuer What madnesse then would it be in mee to presume that thou wilt breake the whole course of thy iustice for my sake knowing in mine owne conscience I haue lost the benefit of thy redemption by my wilfull presumption otherwise I might bee confident through vnfained repentance to haue assurance of saluation by thy death and passion which now grieues the intralles of my soule in that I was such a cursed reprobate to crucifie thee who sufferedst on the Crosse to saue me Mar. 10. â—7 so that according to humane iudgement my talent is eternall torment Howsoeuer I bequeath the disposure of my deiected soule to thee Rom. 9.15 which shedst thy innocent bloud on the behalfe of me But why should I being so base a creature reason with thee that art my maker knowing the clay ought not contest with the potter For it is in thy power and not in mine to make mee a vessell of honour or dishonour Therefore in obedience to thy vnsearchable Deity I will surcease all disputations and endeuour to preuent worldly perturbations that I may haue so much hope to be thy creature as my beleefe assures mee thou art my Creatour The Agonie of a Prodigall MY sacred Creator and celestiall Father didst not thou make me of running water and ruddie earth Doest thou not see how Sathan assaults me how the world insnates me and how my owne nature betraies me O my God how then canst thou but in pittie take compassion vpon me knowing I haue no power to preuent any of these precedent conspiracies but by thy diuine prouidence Wilt thou then leaue mee to my selfe that I might appeare worse miserable than the beast which perisheth O be more charitable for that thou madest mee thy image cast but thine eie vpon mee and turne not thy face from me then trie whether thou wilt denie thy mercy vnto mee were not sweet Sauiour my first parents sinners Did not thy selfe suffer for sinners and protestedst thou desirest not the death of sinners Shall then the iniquities of my onely offences blot out the remembrance of thy immortal mercies When thou art my aduocate I the offender thou my redeemer I the debtor Let mee not then perish for want of thy protection when it is not riches nor honor I would haue O my Father no! or releasement of my miseries I seeke O my Father no! or heauen I beg O my Father I dare not presume no! nor any thing I craue but the increase
of penitent teares fit for transgressors and sorrowes due to sinners O my Sauiour no! How then canst thou denie me when I sue for no more but what thy selfe hath assured me O my Christ are these the eyes that haue displeased thee let them receiue no light through thee is this the heart which hath dishonoured thee let it bleed to death for thee Is this the flesh which hath offended thee let fire be her fuell by thee Are these the bones which haue brought me woe let them bee burnt and borne no more Or are these the sences which haue sinned against thee let them be a liuing sacrifice to thee O my God I am rackt with griefe that I cannot grieue and perplext in repentance that I know not how to repent For to proceed after the worlds weakenesse I suspect thou seest their wilfull ignorance And if I follow thy Gospels professours I feare thou findst them full of scandall distraction and worldly perturbation What then sweet Sauiour will become of me forlorne creature that haue no reliefe but sinnes to succour me Sathan to assist me and a guilty conscience to comfort mee without thy sacred sufferings make intercession for me and accept thy Saints oblations for sinners to thee I shall be forced to curse my conception and wish my mothers wombe had beene my tombe to haue formed me a lumpe of flesh without life or any creature but thy image for then had I liued according to creation and not liable to eternall damnation Yet most mercifull and immortall father should my agonied soule suspect to suffer shipwracke when thou guidest the sterne or despaire and die when thou art liuing or curse her birth when thou art in being O my God rather let her taste the tortures of hell then be depriued of life and lose her hopes in the ioyes of heauen let then Sathan assay his best and the wicked world her worst my deiected soule hath set vp her rest in thee that made her to saue her Lord I beseech thee to say Amen The Supplication of a Prodigall MY God my refuge my mercy how dare I remember thy greatnesse when the billowes of my crying sinnes haue raisd the wrath of thy Omnipotent person who out of meere diuine loue to pious charitie createdst me after thine owne image redeemed mee being lost and in a word gaue mee all I euer had yet haue I so much dishonoured the Deitie of thy glory that I made the pleasures of this life my Gods on earth and now they are turn'de my tormenting accusers of Death O Sacred Father bequeath the plagues of Egypt for my talent rather then this deceitfull world to my portion which hath not onely bred me disobedient towards thee that made mee a traitour to thy Sonne that dyed for me but sacrific'de my owne soule to be the fuell of hell fire O deadly life of immortall death what shall I tearme thee the shape of a Christian which without thy Sacred intercession for thy neuer dying mercies I shall remaine quickened with the fiend of hell to future ages for euer O do not thou sweet Sauiour forget the pittie of thy goodnes though I haue lost the dutie of my obedience but grant the same fauour to me thou gauest the thiefe vpon the Crosse looke vpon the teares of my miseries with the passions of thy mercies and if neither griefes groanes sighes nor sorrowes can appease thy iust wrath why didst thou make mee wherefore was thy death whom wilt thou saue or art thou another God now then when thou wert mercifull to the oppressed a Father of the godlie and an aduocate for the damned if they repented O then enrich my soule with a diuine sorrow for my ioy the agony of death for my comfort that I may neither presume of thy fauour nor despaire of thy mercie but haue thy great Name glorified thy Sacred death satisfied and thy poore forlorne sinner saued Lord I beseech thee say Amen ¶ The Prodigalles Prayer O Deare and omnipotent God I heere stand guilty of all the barbarous and inhumane sinnes which Sathan can obiect against the cursedst creature liuing For I haue presumptuouslie committed more riots and offences then either Heathen Pagan Turke or Infidell besides treacherouslie made thy name a cloake for my owne villanie Thus deare Sauiour haue I liued a smooth factour for Sathan to the vtter subuersion and depriuation of eternall felicitie and purchased the reward of condemnation with endlesse miserie Breake O my big swollen heart lest a thunderbolt from heauen preuent thee Gush foorth into a flood of teares thou Crocodile by nature in being such a cursed reprobate to forget thy maker a Diuell incarnate for crucifying thy Redeemer Ah sauage beast could neither creation redemption nor dailie blessings mollifie my flintie heart to honour thee as a father feare thee as a God or loue thee as a Sauiour but must so Iudas-like sacrifice thy image to the enemie thy curtesies to crueltie and thy redemption to my dreadfull destruction O indignation of the Almightie fall not vpon mee though I haue sowed the vngratefull seed of Plutarchs aire for Scorpions to bite my flesh and snakes to sucke my bloud Yet most mercifull Father should my miserable soule despaire when thy omnipotenâ— person died for deiected sinners Or can I presume to hope seeing thou hast punished thy dearest seruants for lesse offences Neuer O Lord in my wretched selfe but by the vnspeakable death and passion which is able to releeue the sicke heale the lame restore the blinde and helpe the distressed to thee I submissiue come whose sacred wisedome knowes that man is rottennesse his desires vanitie and life miserie Wilt thou therfore shew thy strength against so poore a worme as man that hath neither creation preseruation nor habitation but by thy diuine prouidence O then dearest Father remit the execution of thy iustice enlarge the liberalitie of thy mercie and extend thy holie spirit on me thy lost sâ—ruant that I may neither curse my birth nor being thou repent of thy creation or redeeming to the end I might liue in thy feare die in thy fauour rest in thy peace rise in thy power and remaine in thy glorie Lord I beseech thee say Amen To the Right Honourable WILLIAM Earle of Derby MY honored Lord I doe not know how far this my solitary life may trench into the displeasure of your Lordships graue censure Therefore I thought best to recommend those generall reasons which were the occasions of my reuolt from the world assuring your Lordship it was not the foolish fantasie of my wandring thoughts Gal. 6. Pro. 18.13 but a serious consideration of my former transgressions with an inward meditation of the small time that God will stay for mans conuersion or euersion made me bequeath the remainder of my daies to this priuate Cell by your Lordships assisting permission Yet peraduenture some will alleadge to your Honour that this course of retirednesse is neither commanded nor
in demerites nor disasters to the Apostles therefore ioy as they did in calamities that you may bee found a Cosin-germane to Iob shewing alwaies true Faith by your Workes otherwise were you my Father as you are my Brother I should forget nature and greatly feare you haue no share in Christs death Pardon dearest heart if I haue soared too high it is in your power to clip the wings but God knowes I esteeme your soules safetie more then man or mortall felicitie All which I leaue to his Diuine prouidence and your perseuering goodnesse To the Religious and Vertuous Lady the Lady Elizabeth Willoughby YOur Beadsman fearing the distance of place and dispensation of wedlocke might cause a reuolt from your Ladiships former welwishes induc'd mee to recommend these weake lines as an Antidote to preserue me from the shipwracke of your displeasure whose vertuous societie I euer honoured more then temporall felicitie for that I was daily an eye witnes of your pious charitie religious discourse and noble hospitalitie which makes mee presume the goodnesse of your chaste disposition wil rather condole my misfortunes of inward griefe then attribute discontinuance to the weaknesse of nature or want of matrimoniall affection especially hauing so much conference with a graue Diuine before my departure as your Ladiship may more perspicuously perceiue by these following lines wherein I spar'd not the reuealing of my woefull tragicall life to his iudiciall contemplation humbly intreating him that as I had opened the bowels of my miseries so hee would impart the trueth of his knowledge Whereupon with a modest and solemne countenance desired my age who replied about sixe and twentie he then began to expresse his sorrowes that so young a man should haue trenched into such lowd offences yet questionlesse if contrition did proceed from my heart there was no doubt but vpon true repentance God would forgiue mee Citing the parable of the Prodigall Luk. 15. the president of Mary Magdalen anâ— diuers others for confirming Hope and preuenting Despaire He thus hauing ended I gaue him much thankes for his fatherly counsell assuring his reward was celestiall not temporall wishing it might stand with his occasions leaue and liking to heare mee a word who seemed to bee more willing then I was readie at last imparted vnto him that I presumed a retired strickt Monasticke life would be the safest and surest hope to depend on for by such meanes I fhould not onely auoid sinne the occasion but discipline my selfe and the rather for that I had affection to the life from my infancie Besides the often dreaming what ioy I found in it intimating my conscience daily reiterated the same and that if I did continue wilfully in any one sin â—here was no foundation for Diuine mercy to build on Heb. 10 which the world custome and frailtie of nature had prohibited mee from the one and induc'd mee to the other as by my confession he knew too true Yet by no meanes he would not giue way alleaging the life was neither lawfull requisite nor honest for that it was not allowed by the Lawes of God to cloister vp my selfe nor admitted by our Church expressing Scripture that I was not borne for my selfe but for others and that my prayers could not bee so much auaileable as when two or three were gathered together But if these reasons might not disswade mee from my intended resolution yet the vow of mariage prohibited me though it was solemnized in the rawnesse of my youth by reason I had promised before God to forsake father mother and cleaue vnto my wife assuring mee I should neuer haue his consent nor hardly the Church of Rome notwithstanding they allotted such bug-beares to fright the poore Laitie Whereupon I rose vp God knowes as a man going to the gallowes or like Iudas that betraied our Sauiour and thus according to my weake apprehension replied Where hee exprest cloistering and that man was not borne to himselfe but for others I beleeued it assuring him my selfe neuer meant it but onely to turne those purple robes of prodigalitie into an Hermites weed denying none to visite 1 Tim. 4.8 but willing to instruct any so farre as God would enable mee promising future life shold be answerable to my speech and where he said prayers are not of that force as when two or three were gathered together I confessed it if so be they were all ioyn'd with inward spiration to glorifie God otherwise they rather hindered then furthered citing the first chapter of Ionas for my president But touching the lawfulnesse I alleadged that our Sauiour prayeâ— alone the Apostles wandred iâ— sheepskins alone Tim. 8.2 whose liues we ought to follow intimating theâ— aduice My Sonne come out of euill company Besides the wordâ— of our Sauiour Mat. 5.29 If thy eye offend puâ— it out much more in my opinion cast off the world And for marriage where he said I must leaue father mother and cleaue vnto my wife I could not deny it replying vnto him that if I was to leaue father and mother for a wife certainely I was to leaue father Luk. 9.23 mother and wife for Christ especially himselfe expressing and confirm'd by three Euangelists Mat. 10.37 that 〈◊〉 were not worthy of him if I would not as it did more transâ—arent appeare by the seueritie of â—ur Sauiour who would not adâ—it one of his Apostles to perâ—orme the dutifull rites of a sonne Luk 9.62 〈◊〉 bearing his owne father when â—e called him much lesse the rites â—f marriage Yet he suddenly anâ—vered that both Saint Paul and â—â—e Church hath forbid the same without it were by consent and that but for a time which made mee breake into a kind of passion with these words vttering Had our Sauiour said to the man hee should not taste of his Supper though inuited Luk. 14.20.24 for that his excuse was the marriage of a wife Againe where hee said No man hauing put his hand to the plough anâ— looking backe was fit for the king dome of God Notwithstandinâ— hee intreated but so much time aâ— to take leaue of his houshold Besides had God said Man was thâ— glory of his Maker the womaâ— the glory of the man the man thâ— head of the woman and yet haâ—â— not the head priuiledge to serue hâ— Creator without consent of thâ— feet intimating vnto him that miserable was the bondage to soule and bodie if they were not called both at one time But seeing the holy Apostle had not allowed it I assured him I would doe my endeauour to gaine her consent howsoeuer I resolu'd him I should rather depend vpon the mercie of my Sauiour for that offence 1 Cor. 7.17 then continue more in offending and follow the president of holy Saint â—eromes Confession where hee â—aith If his father stood weeping â—n his knees before him and his mother hanging on his necke beâ—inde him and all his brethren â—â—sters children howling on eueâ—de
But let innocent Humilitie raise you pious Prayers restore you that Christs death may be effectuall for you In so doing my afflictions may be mitigated your dangers preuented and all our shipwrackt soules saued To his Christian Brethren Vniuersall IF any of you haue permitted betraying nature to inact so deadly a sinne as detestable Adulterie let my present calamities preuent your future miseries otherwise I shall be certaine to condole your deaths as I am confident you will curse your births for when you commit that loathsome sinne of lust you waken the indignation of Gods iust iustice witnesse your owne consciences VVill yee then persisist in offending vpon hope of his mercifull suffering O my deare Brethren I might sooner beleeue the Deuill should bee called then any of you chosen without so true a reformation as your contrition shall manifest the detestation before God and man Otherwise according to my poore iudgement your conuersion hath no foundation for Christ to consecrate his pious absolution What your Genius may out of Rhetoricke policie or selfe-wil'd fidelitie incorporate a more easie way of sustentation by his death and passion Yet I feare those that depend vpon such Diuinitie trenches too neere the Diademe of his Sacred Maiestie for euer receiuing remission by his miserie Iam. 2.13 Psal 85.10 in regard God himselfe assures vs his Mercie and Iustice kisseth each other But peraduenture some of you will not deny to reply the wordes of my wickednesse That which is bred in â—he bone will neuer out of the flesh Howsoeuer I now find the Apostles saying to be true He that â—ues in the flesh dyes in the spiâ—it For it speakes death vnto â—ee and I am perswaded vpon â—ontinuance damnation to each â—f you O then co-partners let â—â—y too late vicious affection â—use a timely depriuation for when I beheld by diuine prouidence the naked trueth there I found his fatherly commiseration had indued man with the facultie of reason to bridle stiffe-neckt nature Besides vpon extreamitie ordain'd him matrimoniall vnitie for auoiding inconstancie But searching into the chastitie of sauage beast I loath'â— my selfe and hated the inchanters which so sure as there is aâ— God each of you must doe thâ— like either in this life or bee forâ— ced in the other to your condemnation without redemption O then I beseech you that anâ— the imaginarie creatures of youâ— Maker bee a little more modeâ— then the brutish beast that Goâ— may ioy in your creation and reward your soules with saluation Otherwise as your conceptions were wretched in the wombes Prou. 1.24 so I feare preiudicate torments will follow your tombes Wherefore then baptized Christians will yee bee any longer deluded with wicked Iesabels or betraying Abimelechs Ezek. 18.23.25 When GOD himselfe protesteth you may yet bee saued if you doe but truely repent Luk. 5.32 What father could haue said more Matt. 9.13 What Sauiour would haue demanded lesse without defying his Essence to satisfie your basenesse I appeale to your own consciences whether any of you that knowes the danger and yet will perseuere in so heinous a sin can expect remission by his death and passion Howsoeuer God forbid that I should foretell your palace to be in hell But if spirations will not penetrate curtesies nihilate chastisements mollifie nor future torments terrifie giue mee leaue to mistrust despaire in your atchieuing to the Paradise of Heauen O infortunate Sirs if your greatnesse pleads protection Act. 10.33 34. remember God respecteth no persons if your customary presidence pleads prescription Iudg. 7. remember the burning of Sodome and Gomorrah and if his mercies confer'd on Mary Magdalene allures your prouocations remember his Iustice punished legions of your progenitors O my beloued brethren it grieues my verie soule that our Sauiours compassion towards one offendour Rome 2. shall be made a shelter for millions to continue in offending when his iust Iustice executed vpon thousands for such transgressions will hardly bring any to a true cessation till the vice haue left them not they it Therefore I must conclude with Gods owne words Apoc. 22.12 I will exercise Iudgement in weight and Iustice in measure FJNJS