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A14984 VVestward for smelts. Or, the vvater-mans fare of mad-merry vvestern wenches whose tongues albeit like bell-clappers, they neuer leaue ringing, yet their tales are svveet, and will much content you. VVriten by Kinde Kit of Kingstone. Kinde Kit, of Kingstone. 1620 (1620) STC 25292; ESTC S101857 31,657 44

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your will though vnwilling I am to doe it yet I will performe it So went he his way toward Waltam and his Master presently rid to the Court where hee abode with King Henry who a little before was inlarged by the Earle of Warwicke and placed in the Throne againe George beeing come to Waltam did his dutie to his Mistris who wondred to see him and not her husband for whom she demanded of George he answered her that hee was at Enfield and did request her to meet him there To which shee willingly agreed and presently rode with him toward Enfield At length they being come into a by way George began to speake to her in this manner Mistris I pray you tel me what that Wife deserues who through some lewd behauiour of hers hath made her Husband to neglect his estate and meanes of life seeking by all meanes to dye that he might be free from the shame which her wickednesse hath purchased him Why George quoth shee hast thou met with some such creature Be it whomsoeuer might I be her Iudge I thinke her worthy of death How thinkest thou Faith Mistris said he I thinke so too and am so fully perswaded that her offence deserueth that punishment that I purpose to bee executioner to such a one my selfe Mistris you are this woman you haue so offended my Master you know best how your selfe that he hath left his house vowing neuer to see the same till you be dead and I am the man appointed by him to kill you therefore those words which you meane to vtter speake them presently for I cannot stay Poore Gentlewoman at the report of these vnkinde words ill deserued at her hands she looked as one dead and vttering aboundance of teares she at last spake these words And can it be that my kindnes and louing obedience hath merited no other reward at his hands then death It cannot be I know thou onely tryest me how patiently I would endure such an vniust command I 'le tell thée héere thus with body prostrate on the earth and hands lift vp to heauen I would pray for his preseruation those should be my worst words for deaths fearfull visage shewes pleasant to that soule that is innocent Why then prepare your selfe said George for by heauen I doe not rest With that shee prayed him stay saying And is if so then what should I desire to liue hauing lost his fauour and without offence whom I se dearely loued and in whose sight my happinesse did consist come let me die Yet George let mee haue so much fauour at thy hands as to commend me in these few words to him Tell him my death I willingly imbrace for I haue owed him my life yet no otherwise but by a wiues obedience euer since I call'd him Husband but that I am guilty of the least fault toward him I vtterly deny and doe at this houre of my death desire that heauen would powre down vengeance vpon me if euer I offended him in thought Intreat him that he would not speake ought that were ill on mee when I am dead for in good troth I haue deserued none Pray heauen blesse him I am prepared now strike prethée home and kill me and my griefes at once George séeing this could not withhold himselfe from shedding teares and with pitie he let fall his sword saying Mistris that I haue vsed you so roughly pray pardon me for I was commanded to by my Master who hath vowed if I let you liue to kill me But I being perswaded that you are innocent I will rather vndergoe the danger of his wrath then to staine my hands with the bloud of your cléere and spotlesse brest Yet let mee intreat you so much that you would not come in his sight lest in his rage he turne your butcher but liue in some disguise till time haue opened the cause of his mistrust and shewed you guiltlesse which I hope will not belong To this she willingly granted being loth to die causelesse and thanked him for his kindnes so parted they both hauing teares in their eyes George want home where he shewed his Masters King for the gouernment of the house till his Master and Mistris returne which he said liued a while at London ' cause the time was so troublesome and that was a place where they were more secure then in the Countrey This his fellowes beléeued and were obedient to his will amongst whom hee vsed himselfe so kindely that he had all their loues This poore Gentlewoman Mistris of the house in short time got mans apparell for her disguise so wandred she vp and downe the countrey for she could get no seruice because the time was so dangerous that no man knew whom hee might trust onely she maintained her selfe with the price of those Iewels which she had all which she sold At the last being quite out of money and hauing nothing left which she could well spare to make money of she resolued rather to starue then so much to debate her selfe to become a begger with this resolution she went to a solitary place beside Yorke where shée liued the space of two dayes on Hearbs and such things as she could there finde In this time it chanced that King Edward béeing come out of France and lying thereabout with the small forces hée had came that way with some two or thrée Noble men with an intent to discouer if any ambushes were laid to take him at an aduantage He séeing there this Gentlewoman whom he supposed to be a Boy asked her what she was what she made there in that priuat place To whom shée very wisely and modestly withall answered that she was a poore Boy whose bringing vp had bin better then her outward parts then shewed but at that time she was both friendlesse comfortlesse by reason of the late warre He being moued to sée one so well featur'd as she was to want entertained her for one of his Pages to whom she shewed her selfe so dutifull and louing that in short time shee had his loue aboue all her fellows Still followed she the fortunes of K. Edward hoping at last as not long after it did fall out to be reconciled to her husband After the battell at Barnet where K. Edward got the best she going vp down amongst the slaine men to know whether her husband which was on K. Henries side were dead or escaped happened to sée the other who had béen her ghest lying there for dead she remembring him and thinking him to be one whom her husband loued went to him finding him not dead she caused one to helpe her with him to a house there-by where opening of his brest to dresse his wounds she espied her Crucifix at sight of which her heart was ioyfull hoping by this to find him that was the originall of her disgrace for she remembring her selfe found that she had lost that Crufix euer since that morning he departed from her
liued with his Wife againe he must be a contented Cuckold said Will you heare this Take your Daughter with you and I will presently giue her that portion I receiued and take all this wrong This pleased them all so the Priest drew a Bill of diuorce betweene them and the old man deliuered backe her portion beeing glad that he was rid of his Wife His wife on the other side was glad that she had escaped that punishment which shee deserued so they all part●● seeming friends I ●●rry quoth the Fishwife of Brainford this was a wench worth talking of she deserueth as much praise as those women called Amazones who out of a braue minde cut their husbands thr●ates and so made themselues rulers of themselues But what praise quoth the wife of Stand on the Greene had shee deserued if she had been discouered or failed in this attempt Nothing but curses in my minde for she had giuen cause to all men to speake ill of vs women it is not the euent but the honesty of the intent that iustifies the action I thinke so too said a Fishwife of Twitnam I doe not like this foolish hardinesse and men are apt to speake ill of vs without cause therefore to make amends I will tell of a vertuous and chaste Dame one whose life may bee a mirrour for all women The description of the Fishwife of Twitnam Not old not young Not sharpe of tongue Was this same Wife She lou'd no strife Nor much would prate But lou'd her mate Yet lou'd she lap If 't were her hap To meete with those She knew from foes She 'd spend her quart With all her heart Well lou'd she Masse Her time she 'd passe In working good If neighbours stood In neede of ought She sold or bought They should it haue If they did craue This Wife mannerly Spake thus soberly Her Tale. SOmetime in Brittaine there raigned a mighty Prince called Oswald who for his iust gouernment and holy life had the name of Saint giuen him This Oswald tooke to his wife a vertuous Maiden named Beblam daughter to Kynygils King of West-Saxons by whom he had one sonne after whose birth they willingly agréed that they might the better serue their Sauiour not to touch one the other after any carnall manner Thus liued this vertuous couple vntill their deaths onely estéeming the seruice of God and the auoiding of worldly tentations for their chiefe pleasure A Hermet being enuious at the report of his holy life one day went to him asking the King how hee could liue so holy and yet liue with a Wife To whom the King answered Marriage is no hinderance to holy life for therein doe we but follow the institution of God which hee ordained for the increase of the world but further to satisfie thée that it is no hinderance to my holy life take thou this King and goe to her bidding her vse thée as she would vse my selfe The Hermet glad of this hoping to haue kinde entertainment at his Quéenes hands went merily to her deliuering her the King and told her that it was her Husbands will that she should vse him in all respects as shee would vse himselfe if hee were there To this the Quéene was willing and bid him welcome telling him he should be serued in all points as the King her Royall husband was When the time of supper was come and the Hermet expected some delicate cheere he onely was fed with bread which was serued vp in a stately manner by diuers Gentlemen that did attend him likewise when he called for drink they gaue him wholesome water to coole his hote desires no other cates got hee yet was it no worse then the Queene her selfe ate of This stately seruice and homely fare scarce pleased the Hermet yet still he hoped for better but his hopes were vaine for the cloth was taken vp and one asked him if hee pleased to goe to bed To this hee was willing hoping now to sleepe out the remembrance of his hard fare but being come to his Chamber a sodaine ioy extinguished the griefe he would haue slept out for he saw no worser woman then the Queene should be his bedfellow So quickly vndressing himselfe he went in bed to her not forget-getting in his thoughts to praise her for obeying her Husbands will where hauing lyne a while thinking of some strange things lust and the euill disposition of his minde beganne to infect his soule so that with as kinde imbrace hee besought the Queene to shew some mercy towards his hot affection This vertuous Queene seeing this Hermet basely lasciuious rung a Bell then presently came in foure women who took this Hermet and cast him in a Cisterne full of water that stood in the Chamber he being well cooled they tooke him forth placing him in the bed as they found him There hee lay shiuering with cold a good space but at length his bloud being heated hee fell to thinking with himselfe how perchance the Queene shewed her selfe thus chaste to take suspition from her women and that she might all the night after play the wanton securely His burning Lust seconding this Opinion made him once more ●enter a ducking so turning himselfe to the Queene he began with this speech Most rare beauteous admirable and vnparalelled woman I will not onely commend thée for thy beauty and greatnesse of Birth and place but also I will adore thee with more then humane worship for the extraordinarie vnderstanding which thou hast aboue others of thy sexe With what a graue and sober carriage doest thou hide thy hote affections which inwardly doe burne thee Oh it is strange therewith not onely blinding the eyes of strangers but also thy neerest attendants now I conceiue why thou commandest mee to bee hurled in the water Cisterne it was thy policy thou wonder of thy sexe to auoid suspition in thy seruants I knew this well and therfore did willingly endure the same that I might the more freely enioy thy beauty now therewith 'gan he lo clip her in his armes which shee perceiuing rung the Bell her women presently comming in tooke this Yongster ducking him twise so much as they did before so that they laid him in the bed halfe drowned and hauing done presently voided they the Chamber The Hermet being come to himselfe had a better opinion of K. Oswald his Wife for he then held them for the holyest people in England and his hote bloud being cooled he lay still that night not daring to stirre lest shee giuing the alarum his enemies would come vpon him and put their crueltie in execution The morning being come hee kindely tooke his leaue of the Quéene telling her he had sufficiently tryed the Kings seuere and holy life and would euer after giue testimonie of the same so went he to his Cell being ashamed of this his foolish attempt and neuer after would looke into other mens liues but mended his owne She hauing ended her Tale they