into thy bed-chamber by these glories and ioies to the ioies and glories of heauen Why hast thou changed thine old way and carried vs by the waies of discipline and mortification by the waies of mourning and lamentation by the waies of miserable ends and miserable anticipations of those miseries in appropriating the exemplar miseries of others to our selues and vsurping vpon their miseries as our owne to our owne preiudice Is the glory of heauen no perfecter in it selfe but that it needs a foile of depression and ingloriousnesse in this world to set it off Is the ioy of heauen no perfecter in it selfe but that it needs the sourenesse of this life to giue it a taste Is that ioy and that glory but a comparatiue glory and a comparatiue ioy not such in it selfe but such in comparison of the ioilesnesse and the ingloriousnesse of this world I know my God it is farre farre otherwise As thou thy selfe who art all art made of no substances so the ioyes glory which are with thee are made of none of these circumstances Essentiall ioy and glory Essentiall But why then my God wilt thou not beginne them here pardon O God this vnthankfull rashnesse I that aske why thou doest not finde euen now in my selfe that thou doest such ioy such glory as that I conclude vpon my selfe vpon all They that finde not ioy in their sorrowes glory in their deiections in this world are in a fearefull danger of missing both in the next 17. PRAYER O Eternall and most gracious God who hast beene pleased to speake to vs not onely in the voice of Nature who speakes in our hearts and of thy word which speakes to our eares but in the speech of speechlesse Creatures in Balaams Asse in the speech of vnbeleeuing men in the confession of Pilate in the speech of the Deuill himselfe in the recognition and attestation of thy Sonne I humbly accept thy voice in the sound of this sad and funerall bell And first I blessethy glorious name that in this sound and voice I can heare thy instructions in another mans to consider mine owne condition and to know that this bell which tolls for another before it come to ring out may take in me too As death is the wages of sinne it is due to meâ— As death is the end of sicknesse it belongs to mee And though so disobedient a seruant as I may be afraid to die yet to so mercifull a Master as thou I cannot be afraid to come And therefore into thy hands O my God I commend my spirit A surrender which I know thou wilt accept whether I liue or die for thy seruant Dauid made it when he put himselfe into thy protection for his life and thy blessed Sonne made it when hee deliuered vp his soule at his death declare thou thy will vpon mee O Lord for life or death in thy time receiue my surrender of my selfe now Into thy hands O Lord I commend my spirit And being thus O my God prepared by thy correction mellowed by thy chastisement and conformed to thy will by thy Spirit hauing receiued thy pardon for my soule and asking no reprieue for my body I am bold O Lord to bend my prayers to thee for his assistance the voice of whose bell hath called mee to this deuotion Lay hold vpon his soule O God till that soule haue throughly considered his account and how few minutes soeuer it haue to remaine in that body let the power of thy Spirit recompence the shortnesse of time and perfect his account before he passe away present his sinnes so to him as that he may know what thou forgiuest not doubt of thy forgiuenesse let him stop vpon the infinitenesse of those sinnes but dwell vpon the infinitenesse of thy Mercy let him discerne his owne demerits but wrap himselfe vp in the merits of thy Sonne Christ Iesus Breath inward comforts to his heart and affoord him the power of giuing such outward testimonies thereof as all that are about him may deriue comforts from thence and haue this edification euen in this dissolution that though the body be going the way oâ— all flesh yet that soule is going the way of all Saints When thy Sonne cried out vpon the Crosse My God my God Why hast thou forsaken me he spake not so much in his owne Person as in the person of the Church and of his afflicted members who in deep distresses might feare thy forsaking This patient O most blessed God is one of them In his behalfe and in his name heare thy Sonne crying to thee My God my God Why hast thou forsaken me and forsake him not but with thy left hand lay his body in the graue if that bee â—hy determination vpon him and with thy right hand receiue his soule into thy Kingdome and vnite him vs in one CoÌ„munion of Saints Amen 18. At inde Mortuus es Sonitu celeri pulsuque agitato The bell rings out and tells me in him that I am dead 18. MEDITATION THe Bell rings out the pulse thereof is changed the tolling was a faint and intermitting pulse vpon one side this stronger and argues more and better life Hiâ— soule is gone out and as a Man who had a lease of 1000. yeeres after the expiration of a short one or an inheritance after the life of a Man in a Consumption he is now entred into the possession of his better estate His soule is gone whither Who saw it come in or who saw it goe out No body yet euery body is sure he had one and hath none If I will aske meere Philosophers what the soule is I shall finde amongst them that will tell me it is nothing but the temperament and harmony and iust and equall composition of the Elements in the body which produces all those faculties which we ascribe to the soule and so in it selfe is nothing no seperable substance that ouer-liues the body They see the soule is nothing else in other Creatures and they affect an impious humilitie to think as low of Man But if my soule were no more than the soule of a beast I could not thinke so that soule that can reflect vpon it selfe consider it selfe is more than so If I will aske not meere Philosophers but mixt Men Philosophicall Diuines how the soule being a separate substance enters into Man I shall finde some that will tell me that it is by generation procreation from parents because they thinke it hard to charge thâ— soule with the guiltinesse of Originall sinne if the soule were infused into a body in which it must necessarily grow foule and contract originall sinne whether it will or no and I shall finde some that will tell mee that it is by immediate infusion from God because they think it hard to maintaine an immortality in such a soule as should be begotten and deriued with the body froÌ„ Mortall parents If I will aske not a few men but almost whole
againe from the browâ— to the sole of the footâ— but I eat no bread I tast no sustenance Miserable distribution of Mankind where one halfe lackes meat and the other stomacke 2. EXPOSTVLATION DAuid professes himself a dead dog to his king Saul so doth Mephibosheth to his king Dauid yet Dauid speaks to Saul and Mephibosheth to Dauid No man is so little in respect of the greatest man as the greatest in respect of God for here in that wee haue not so much as a measure to try it by proportioÌ„ is no measure for infinitie He that hath no more of this world but a graue hee that hath his graue but lent him til a better man or another man must bee buried in the same graue he that hath no graue but a dung-hill hee that hath no more earth but that which he carries but that which hee is hee that hath not that earth which hee is but euen in that is anothers slaue hath as much proportion to God as if all Dauids Worthies and all the worlds Monarchs and all imaginations Gyants were kneaded and incorporated into one and as though that one were the suruiuor of all the sonnes of men to whom God had giuen the world And therefore how little soeuer I bee as God calls things that are not as though they were I who am as though I were not may call vpon God and say My God my God why comes thine anger so fast vpon me Why dost thou melt me scatter me powre me like water vpon the ground so instantly Thou staidst for the first world in Noahs time 120 yeres thou staidst for a rebellious generation in the wildernesse 40 yeares wilt thou stay no minute for me Wilt thou make thy Processe and thy Decree thy Citation and thy Iudgement but one act Thy Summons thy Battell thy Victorie thy Triumph all but one act lead me captiue nay deliuer me captiue to death assoon as thou declarest mee to be enemy and so cut me off euen with the drawing of thy sword out of the scabberd and for that question How long was he sicke leaue no other answere but that the hand of death pressed vpon him from the first minute My God my God thou wast not wont to come in whirlwinds but in soft and gentle ayre Thy first breath breathed a Soule into mee and shall thy breath blow it out Thy breath in the Congregation thy Word in the Church breathes communion and consolation here and consummation heereafâ—er shall thy breath in this Chamber breathe dissolution and destruction diuorce and separation Surely it is not thou it is not thy hand The deuouring sword the consuming fire the winds from the wildernes the diseases of the body all that afflicted Iob were from the hand of Satan it is not thou It is thou Thou my God who hast led mee so continually with thy hand from the hand of my Nurce as that I know thou wilt not correct mee but with thine own hand My parents would not giue mee ouer to a Seruants correction nor my God to Satans I am fallen into the handes of God with Dauid and with Dauid I see that his Mercies are great For by that mercy I consider in my present state not the haste the dispatch of the disease in dissoluing this bodyâ— so much as the much more hast dispatch which my God shal vse in recollectingâ— and reuniting this dust againe at the Resurrection Then I shall heare his Angels proclaime the Surgite Mâ—rtuiâ— Rise yee dead Though I be dead I shall heare the voice the spunding of the voice and the working of the voice shall be all one and all shall rise there in a lesse Minute then any one dies here 2. Prayer O Most gracious God who pursuest and perfitest thine own purposes and dost not only remember mee by the first accesses of this sicknes that I must die but informe me by this further proceeding therin that I may die now who hast not only waked mee with the first but cald me vp by casting me further downe and clothd me with thy selfe by stripping me of my selfe and by dulling my bodily senses to the meats and eases of this world hast whet and sharpned my spirituall senses to the apprehension of thee by what steps degrees soeuer it shal please thee to go in the dissolution of this body hasten O Lord that pace and multiply O my God those degrees in the exaltation of my Soule toward thee now to thee then My tast is not gone away but gone vp to sit at Dauids table To tast see that the Lord is good My stomach is not gone but gone vp so far vpwards toward the Supper of the Lamb with thy Saints in heauen as to the Table to the CoÌ„munion of thy Saints heere in earth my knees are weak but weak therfore that I should easily fall to and fix my selfe long vpon my deuotions to thee A sound heart is the life of the flesh a heart visited by thee and directed to thee by that visitation is a sound hart There is no soundnesse in my flesh because of thinâ— anger Interpret thinâ— owne worke and call this sicknes correction and not anger there is soundnes in my fleshâ— There is no rest in my bones because of my sinne transferâ—e my sinnes with which thou arâ— so displeased vpon him with whome thou art so well pleased Christ Iesus and there will be rest in my bones And O my God who madest thy selfe a Light in a Bush in the middest of these brambles thornes of a sharpe sicknesse appeare vnto me so that I may see thee and know thee to be my God applying thy selfe to me euen in these sharp and thorny passages Doe this O Lord for his sake who was not the lesse the King oâ— Heauen for thy suffering him to be crowned with thornes in this world 3. Decubitus sequitur tandem The Patient takes his bed 2. MEDITATION WEe attribute buâ— one priuiledge and aduantage to Mans body aboue other mouing creatures that he is not as others grouelingâ— but of an erect of an vpright form naturally built disposed to the contemplation of Heauen Indeed it is a thankfull forme and recompences that soule which giues it with carrying that soule so many foot higher towards heauen Other creatures look to the earth and euen that is no vnfit obiect no vnfit contemplation for Man for thither hee must come but because Man is not to stay there as other creatures are Man in his naturall forme is carried to thâ— contemplation of thaâ— place which is his homâ— Heauen This is Man prerogatiue but whaâ— state hath he in this diâ—â—nitie A feuer caâ— filliâ— him downe a feuer caâ— depose him a feuer caâ— bring that head whicâ— yesterday caried a crouâ— of gold fiue foot toâ—wards a crown of glory as low as his own fooâ— to day When God camâ— to breath into Man
doth not so much hurt against a wal as a Myne vnder the wall nor a thousand enemies that threaten so much as a few that take an oath to say nothing God knew many heauy sins of the people in the wildernes and after but still he charges theÌ„ with that one with Murmuring murmuring in their hearts secret disobediences secreâ— repugnâ—nces against his declar'd wil and thâ—se are the most deadly the most pernicious And it is so to with the diseases of the body and that is my case The pulse the vrine the sweat all haue sworn to say nothing to giue no Indication of any dangerous sicknesse My forces are not enfeebled I find no decay in my strength my prouisions are not cut off I find no abhorring in mine appetite my counsels are not corrupted nor infatuated I find no false appreheÌ„sions to work vpon mine vnderstaÌ„dingâ— and yet they see that inuisibly I feele that insensibly the disease preuailes The disease hath established a Kingdome an Empire in mee and will haue certaine Arcana Imperij secrets of State by which it will proceed not be bouÌ„d to declare â—hem But yet against those secret conspiracies in the State the Magistrate hath the raâ—k â— and against these insensible diseases Phisicians haue their examiners and those these imploy now 10. EXPOSTVLATION MY God my God I haue bin told and told by relation by her own brother that did it by thy seruant Nazianzen that his Sister in the vehemeÌ„cy of her prayer did vse to threaten thee with a holy importunitie with a pious impudencie I dare not doe so Oâ— God but as thy seruant Augustin wisht that Adam had not sinned therefore that Christ might not haue died may I not to this one purpose wish That if the Serpent before the tentation of Eue did goe vpright and speake that he did so still because I should the sooner heare him if he spoke the sooner see him if he went vpright In his curse I am cursed too his creeping vndoes mee for howsoeuer hee begin at the heele and doe but bruise that yet he and Death in him is come into our windowes into our Eyes and Eares the entraÌ„ces inlets of our soule He works vpon vs in secret we doe not discerne him And one great work of his vpon vs is to make vs so like himselfe as to sin in secret that others may not see vs But his Master-piece is to make vs sin in secret so as that we may not see our selus sin For the first the hiding of our sins from other men hee hath induo'd that which was his off-spring from the beginning A lye for man is in Nature yet in possesâ—ion of some such sparkes of ingenuitie noblenesse as that but to disguise Euill hee would not lye The bodie the sinne is the Serpents and the garment that couers it the lye is his too These are his but the hiding of sinne from our selues is Hee himselfe when we haue the sting of the Serpent in vs and doe not sting our selues the venim of sin and no remorse for sinn then as thy blessed Sonne said of Iudas Hee is a deuill not that he had one but was one so we are become deuils to our selues and we haue not only a Serpent in our bosome but we our selues are to our selues that Serpent How farre did thy seruant Dauid presse vpon thy pardon in that petition Clense thou me from secret sinns can any sin bee secret for a great part of our sinnes though sayes thy Prophet we conceiue them in the darke vpon ouâ— bed yet sayes he We doe them in the light there are many sins which we glorie in doing and would not doe if no body should know theÌ„ Thy blessed seruant August confesses that hee was ashamed of his shamefastnes and tendernesse of Conscience and that he often be lied himself with sinnes which he neuer did lest he should be vnacceptable to his sinfull companions But if we would conceale them thy Prâ—phet found such a desire and such a practise in some wheÌ„ he said Thou hast trusted in thy wickedkednes and thou hast sayd None shall see me yet can we conceale theÌ„ Thou O God canst heare of them by others The voice of Abels blood will tell thee of Cains murder the Heauens themselues will tell thee HeaueÌ„ shal reueale his iniquity a smal creature alone shall doe it A bird of the ayre shall carry the voice and tell the matter Thou wilt trouble no Informer thou thy selfe reuealedst Adams sin to thy selfe And the manifestation of sin is so ful to thee as that thou shalt reueale all to all Thou shalt bring euery worke to Iudgement with euery secret thing and there is nothing couered that shall not bee reuealed But O my God there is another way of knowing my sins which thou louest better then any of these To know them by my Confession As Phisicke works so it drawes the peccant humour to it selfe that when it is gathered together the weight of it selfe may carry that humour away so thy Spirit returns to my Memory my former sinnes that being so recollected they may powre out themâ—elues by Confession When I kept silence sayes thy seruant Dauid day and night thy hand was heauy vpon mee But when I said I wil confesse my transgressions vnto the Lord thou forgauest the iniquitie of my sinne Thou interpretest the very puâ—pose of Confession so well as that thou scarce leauest any new Mercy for the action it selfe This Mercy thou leauest that thou armest vs thereupon against relapses into the sinnes which wee haue confessed And that mercy which thy seruant Augustine apprehends when he sayes to thee Thou hast forgiueÌ„ me those sinnes which I haue done and those sinnes which only by thy grace I haue not done they were done in our inclination to them and euen that inclination needs thy mercy and that Mercy he calls a Pardon And these are most truly secret sinnes because they were neuer done and because no other man nor I my selfe but onely thou knowest how many and how great sinnes I haue scaped by thy grace which without that I should haue multiplied against thee 10. PRAYER O Eternall and most gracious God who as thy Sonne Christ Iesus though hee knew all things yet said hee knew not the day of Iudgement because he knew it not so as that he might tell it vs so though thou knowest all my sins yet thou knowest them not to my comfort except thou know them by my telling them to thâ—e how shall I bring to thy knowledg by that way those sinns which I my selfe know not If I accuse my selfe of Originall sin wilt thou ask me if I know what originall sin is I know not enough of it to satisfie others but I know enough to condemne my self to solicit thee If I confesse to thee the sinnes of my youth wilt thou aske
vnder the Southern Pole Wee say the Elements of man are misery and happinesse as though he had an equal proportion of both and the dayes of man vicissitudinary as though he had as many good daies as ill and that he liud vnder a perpetuall Equinoctial night and day equall good and ill fortune in the same measure But it is far froÌ„ that hee drinkes misery he tastes happinesse he mowes misery and hee gleanes happinesse hee iournies in misery he does but walke in happinesse and which is worst his misery is positiue and dogmaticall his happinesse is but disputable and problematicall All men call Misery Misery but Happinesse changes the name by the taste of man In this accident that befalls mâ—e now that this sicknesse declares it selfe by Spots to be a malignant and pestilentiall disease if there be a comfort in the declaration that therby the Phisicians see more cleerely what to doe there mâ—y bee as much discomfort in this That the malignitie may bee so great as that all that they can doe shall doe nothing That an enemy declares himselfe then when he is able to subsist and to pursue and to atchiue his ends is no great comfort In intestine Conspiracies voluntary Confessions doe more good then confessions vpon the Rack In these Infections when Nature her selfe confesses and cries out by these outward declarations which she is able to put forth of her selfe they minister comfort but when all is by the strength of Cordials it is but a Confession vpon the Racke by which though wee come to knowe the malice of that man yet wee doe not knowe whether there bee not as much malice in his heart then as before his confession we are sure of his Treason but not of of his Repentance sure of him but not of his Complices It is a faint comfort to know the worst when the worst is remedilesse and a weaker then that to know much ill not to know that that is the worst A woman is comforted with the birth of her Son her body is eased of a burthen but if shee could prophetically read his History how ill a man perchance how ill a sonne he would proue shee should receiue a greater burtheÌ„ into her Mind Scarce any purchase that is not cloggd with secret encumbraÌ„ces scarce any happines that hath not in it so much of the nature of false and base money as that the Allay is more then the Mettall Nay is it not so at least much towards it euen in the exercise of Vertues I must bee poore and want before I can exercise the vertue of Gratitude miserable and in torment before I can exercise the vertue of patience How deepe do we dig and for how course gold And what other Touch-stone haue we of our gold but comparison Whether we be as happy as others or as our selus at other times O poore stepp toward being well when these spots do only tell vs that we are worse then we were sure of before 13. EXPOSTVLATION MY God my God thou hast made this sick bed thine Altar and I haue no other Sacrifice to offer but my â—elf and wilt thou accept no â—potted sacrifice Doeth â—hy Son dwel bodily in this flesh that thou shouldst looke for an vnspottednes here Or is the Holy Ghost the soule of this body as he is of thy Spouse who is therfore all faire and no spot in her or hath thy Son himself no spots who hath al our stains deformities in him Or hath thy Spouse thy Church no spots when euery particular limbe of that faire spotles body euery pâ—rticular soule in that Church is full of staines and spots Thou bidst vs hate the garment that is spotted with the flesh The flesh it selfe is the garment and it spotteth it selfe with it self And if I wash my selfe with snow water mine own clothes shall make me abominable and yet no man yet euer hated his owne flesh Lord if thou looke for a spotlesnesse whom wilt thou looke vpon Thy mercy may goe a great way in my soule yet not leaue me without spots Thy corrections may go far burn deepe and yet not leaue me spotles thy children apprehended that wheÌ„ they said From our former iniquitie wee are not cleansed vntill this day though there was a plague in the Congregation of the Lord Thou râ—inâ—st vpon vs and yet doest not alwaies mollifie all our hardnesse Thou kindlest thy fires in vs and yet doest not alwayes burne vp all our drosse Thou healst our wouÌ„ds and yet leauest scarres Thou purgest the blood and yet leauest spots But the spots that thou hatest are the spotts that we hide The Caruers of Images couer spotts sayes the Wise man When we hide our spotts wee become Idolatrers of our owne staines of our own foulenesses But if my spots come forth by what meanes soeuer whether by the streÌ„gth of Nature by voluntary confessioÌ„ for Grace is the Nature of a Regenerate man and the power of Grace is the strength of Nature or by the vertue of Cordialls for eueÌ„ thy Corrections are Cordials if they come forth either way thou receiuest that Confession with a gracious Interpretation When thy seruant Iacob practised an Inuention to procure spotts in his sheepe thou diddest prosper his Rodds and thou dost prosper thine owne Rodds when corrections procure the discouery of our spotts the humble manifestation of our sinns to thee Till then thou maist iustly say The whole need not the Phisician Till wee tell thee in our sicknes wee think our selues whole till we shew our spotts thou appliest no medicine But since I do that shall I not Lord lift vp my face without spot and be stedfast and not feare Euen my spotts belong to thy Sonnes body and are part of that which he came downe to this earth to fetch and challenge and assume to himselfe When I open my spotts I doe but present him with that which is His and till I do so I detaine withhold his right VVhen therfore thou seest them vpon me as His and seest them by this way of Confession they shall not appear to me as the pinches of death to decline my feare to Hell for thou hast not left thâ— holy one in Hell thy Sonne is not there but these spotts vpon my Breast and vpon my Soule shal appeare to mee as the Constellations of the Firmament to direct my Contemplation to that place where thy Son is thy right hand 13. PRAYER O Eternall and most gâ—atious God who as thou giuest all for nothing if we consider any precedent Merit in vs so giu'st Nothing for Nothing if we consider the acknowledgement thankefullnesse which thou lookest for after accept my humble thankes both for thy Mercy and for this particular Mercie that in thy Iudgement I can discerne thy Mercie and find comfort in thy corrections I know O Lord the ordinary discomfort that accompanies that phrase That the
and â—hen they can and wee can tell that the rich man cannot sleepe because his abundance will not let him The tares were sowen when the husbandmen were asleepe And the elders thought it a probable excuse a credible lie that the waâ—chmen which kept the Sepulchre should say that the bodie of thy son was stolne away when they were asleepe Since thy blessed Sonne rebuked his Disciples for sleeping shall I murmure because I doe not sleepe If Samson had slept any longer in Gaza he had beene taken And when he did sleepe longer with Delilah he was taken Sleepe is as often taken for naturall death in thy Scriptures as for naturall rest Nay sometimes sleepe haâ—h so heauy a sense as to bee taken for sinne it selfe as well as for the punishment of sinne Death Much comfort is not in much sleepe when the most fearefull and most irreuocable Malediction is presenâ—ed by thee in a perpetuall sleepe I will make their feasts and I will make them drunke and they shall sleepe a perpetuall sleepe and not wake I must therefore O my God looke farther than into the very act of sleeping before I mis-interpret my waking for since I finde thy whole hand light shall any finger of that hand seeme heauy since the whole sicknesse is thy Physicke shall any accident in it bee my poison by my murmuring The name of Watchmen belongs to our profession Thy Prophets are not onely seers indued with a power of seeing able to see but Watchmen euermore in the Act of seeing And therefore giue me leaue O my blessed God to inuert the words of thy Sonnes Spouse she said I sleepe but my heart waketh I say I wake but my heart sleepeth My body is in a sicke wearinesse but my soule in a peacefull rest with thee and as our eies in our health see not the Aire that is next them nor the fire nor the spheares nor stop vpon any thing till they come to starres so my eies that are open see nothing of this world but passe through all that and fix themselues vpon thy peace and ioy and glory aboue Almost as soone as thy Apostle had said Let vs not sleepe lest we should be too much discomforted if we did he saies againe whether we wake or sleepe let vs liue together with Christ. Though then this absence of sleepe may argue the presence of death the Originall may exclude the Copie the life the picture yet this gentle sleepe and rest of my soule betroths mee to thee to whom I shall bee married indissolubly though by this way of dissolution 15. PRAYER O Eternall and most gracious God who art able to make and dost make the sicke bed of thy seruants Chappels of ease to them and the dreames of thy seruants Prayers and Meditations vpon thee let not this continuall watchâ—ulnes of mine this inabilitie to sleepe which thou hast laid vpon mee bee any disquiet or discomfort to me but rather an argument that thou wouldest not haue me sleepe in thy presence What it may indicate or signifie concerning the state of my body let them consider to whom that consideration belongs doe thou who onely art the Physitian of my soule tell her that thou wilt afford her such defensatiues as that shee shall wake euer towards thee and yet euer sleepe in thee that through all this sicknesse thou wilt either preserue mine vnderstanding from all decaies and distractions which these watchings might occasion or that thou wilt reckon and account with me from before those violencies and not call any peece of my sicknesse a sinne It â—s a heauy and indelible sinne that I brought into the world wiâ—h meâ— It is a heauy and innuâ—merable multitude of sins which I haue heaped vp since I haue sinned behind thy backe if that can be done by wilfull absteining from thy Congregations and omitting thy seruice and I haue sinned before thy face in my hypocrisies in Prayer in my ostentation and the mingling a respect of my selfe in preaching thy Word I haue sinned in my fasting by repining when a penurious fortune hath kept mee low And I haue sinned euen in that fulnesse when I haue been at thy table by a negligent examination by a wilfull preuarication in receiuing that heauenly food and Physicke But as I know O my gracious God that for all those sinnes committed since yet thou wilt consider me as I was in thy purpose when thou wrotest my name in the booke of Life in mine Election so into what deuiations soâ—uer I stray and wander by occasion of this sicknes O God returne thou to that Minute wherein thou wast pleased with me and consider me in that condition 16. Et properare meum clamant è Turre propinqua Obstreperae Campanae aliorum in funere funus From the bels of the church adioyning I am daily remembred of my buriall in the funeralls of others 16. MEDITATION WE haue a Conuenient Author who writ a Discourse of Bells when hee was Prisoner in Turky How would hee haue enlarged himselfe if he had beene my fellow Prisoner in this sicke bed so neere to that steeple which neuer ceases no more than the harmony of the spheres but is more heard When the Turkes tooke Constantinople they melted the Bells into Ordnance I haue heard both Bells and Ordnance but neuer been so much affected with those as with these Bells I haue lien neere a steeple in which there are said to be more than thirty Bels And neere another where there is one so bigge as that the Clapper is said to weigh more than six hundred pound â— yet neuer so affected as here Here the Bells can scarse solemnise the funerall of any person but that I knew him or knew that hee was my Neighbour we dwelt in houses neere to one another before but now hee is gone into that house into which I must follow him There is a way of correcting the Children of great persons that other Children are corrected in their behalfe and in their names and this workes vpon them who indeed had more desâ—rued it And when these Bells tell me that now one and now another is buried must not I acknowledge that they haue the correction due to me and paid the debt that I owe There is a story of a Bell in a Monastery which when any of the house was sicke to death rung alwaies voluntarily and they knew the ineuitablenesse of the danger by that It rung once when no man was sick but the next day one of the house fell from the steeple and died and the Bell held the reputation of a Prophet still If these Bells that warne to a Funerall now were appropriated to none may not I by the houre of the funerall supply How many men that stand at an execution if they would aske for what dies that Man should heare their owne faults condemned and see themselues executed by Atturney
We scarce heare of any man preferred but wee thinke of our selues that wee might very well haue beene that Man Why might not I haue beene that Man that is carried to his graue now Could I â—it my selfe to stand or sit in any Mans place not to lie in any mans graue I may lacke much of the good parts of the meanest but I lâ—cke nothing of the mortality of the weakest Thâ—y may haue acquired better abilities than I but I was borne to as many infirmities as they To be an incumbent by lying down in a graue to be a Doctor by teaching Mortiâ—ication by Example by dying though I may haue seniors others may be elder than I yet I haue proceeded apace in a good Vniuersity and gone a great way in a little time by the furtherance of a vehement feuer and whomsoeuer these Bells bring to the ground to day if hee and I had beene compared yesterday perchance I should haue been thought likelier to come to this preferment then than he God hath kept the power of death in his owne hands lest any Man should bribe death If man knew the gaine of death the ease of death he would solicite he would prouoke death to assist him by any â—and which he might vse But as when men see many of their owne professions preferd it ministers a hope that that may light vpon them so when these hourely Bells tell me of so many funerals of men like me it presents if not a desire that it may yet a comfort whensoeuer mine shall come 16. EXPOSTVLATION MY God my God I doe not expostulate with thee but with them who dare doe that Who dare expostulate with thee when in the voice of thy Church thou giuest allowance to this Ceremony of Bells at funeralls Is it enough to refuse it because it was in vse amongst the Gentiles so were funeralls too Is it because some abuses may haue crept in amongst Christians Is that enough that their ringing hath been said to driue away euill spirits Truly that is so farre true as that the euill spirit is vehemently vexed in their ringing therefore because that action brings the Congregation together and vnites God and his people to the destruction of that Kingdome which the euill spirit vsurps In the first institution of thy Church in this world in the foundation of thy Militant Church amongst the Iewes thou didst appoint the calling of the assembly in to bee by Trumpet and when they were in then thou gauest them the sound of Bells in the garment of thy Priest â— In the Triumphant Church thou imploiest both too but in an inuerted Order we enter into the Triumphant Church by the sound of Bells for we enter when we die And then we receiue our further edification or consummation by the sound of Trumpets at the Resurrection The sound of thy Trumpets thou didst impart to secular aâ—d ciuill vses too but the sound of Bells onely to sacred Lord let not vs breake the Communion of Saints in that which was intended for the aduancement of it let not that pull vs asunder froÌ„ one another which was intended for the assembling of vs in the Militant and associating of vs to the Triumphant Church But he for whose funerall these Bells ring now was at home at his iournies end yesterday why ring they now A Man that is a world is all the things in the world Hee is an Army and when an Army marches the Vaunt may lodge to night where the Reare comes not till to morrow A man extends to his Act and to his example to that which he does and that which he teaches so doe those things that concerne him so doe these bells That which rung yesterday was to conuay him out of the world in his vaunt in his souleâ— that which rung to day was to bring him in his Reare in his body to the Church And this continuing of ringing after his entring is to bring him to mee in the application Where I lie I could heare the Psalme and did ioine with the Congregation in it but I could not heare the Sermon and these latter bells are a repetition Sermon to mee But O my God my God doe I that haue this feauer need other remembrances of my Mortalitie Is not mine owne hollow voice voice enough to pronounce that to me Need I looke vpon a Deaths-head in a Ring that haue one in my face or goe for death to my Neighbours house that haue him in my bosome We cannot wee cannot O my God take in too many helps for religious duties I know I cannot haue any better Image of thee than thy Sonne nor any better Image of him than his Gospell yet must not I with thanks confesse to thee that some historicall pictures of his haue sometimes put mee vpon better Meditations than otherwise I should haue fallen vpon I know thy Church needed not to haue taken in from Iew or Gentile any supplies for the exaltation of thy glory or our deuotion of absolute necessitie I know â—hee needed not But yet wee owe thee our thanks that thou hast giuen her leaue to doe so and that as in making vs Christians thou diddest not destroy that which wee were before naturall men so in the exalting of our religious deuotions noâ— we are Christians thou hast beene pleased to continue to vs those assistances which did worke vpon the affections of naturall men before for thou louest a good man as thou louest a good Christian and though Grace bee meerely from thee yet thou doest not plant Grace but in good natures 16. PRAYER O Eternall and most gracious God who hauing consecrated our liuing bodies to thine owne Spirit and made vs Temples of the holy Ghost doest also requirâ— a respect to bee giuen to these Temples euen when the Priest is gone out of them To these bodies when the soule is departed from them I blesse and glorifie thy Name that as thou takest care in our life of euery haire of our head so doest thou also of euery graine of ashes after our death Neither doest thou only doe good to vs all in life and death but also wouldest haue vs doe good to one another as in a holy life so in those things which accompanie our death In that Contemplation I make account that I heare this dead brother of ours who is now carried out to his buriall to speake to mee and to preach my funerall Sermon in the voice of these Bells In him O God thou hast accomplished to mee euen the request of Diues to Abraham Thou hast sent one from the dead to speake vnto mee He speakes to mee aloud from that steeple hee whispers to mee at these Curtaines and hee speaks thy words Blessed are the dead which die in the Lord from henceforth Let this praier therfore O my God be as my last gaspe my expiring my dying in thee That if this bee the houre of my transmigration I may die the
feare of death that there was not a house where there was not one dead for therupon the Aegyptians said we are all deaâ— men the death of others should catechise vsâ— to death Thy Sonne Christ Iesus is the first begotten of the dead he rises first the eldest brother and he is my Master in this science of death but yet for mee I am a younger brother too to this Man who died now and to euery man whom I see or heare to die before mee and all they are vshers to mee in this schoole of death I take therefore that which thy seruant Dauids wife said to him to bee said to me If thou saue not thy life to night to morrow thou shalt bee slaine If the death of this man worke not vpon mee now I shall die worse than if thou hadst not afforded me this helpe for thou hast sent him in this bell to mee as thoâ— didst send to the Angelâ— of Sardis with commission to strengthen the things that remaine and that are ready to die that in this weaknes of body I mighâ— receiue spiritual strengâ—h by these occasions This is my strength that whether thou say to mee as thine Angell said to Gedeon Peace bee vnto thee feare not thou shalt not die or whether thou say as vnto Aaron Thou shalt die there yet thou wilâ— preserue that which is ready to die my soule from the worst death that of sinne Zimrie died for his sinnes saies thy Spirit which he sinned in doing euill and in his sinne which he did to make Israel sinne For his sinnes his many sinnes and then in his sinne his particular sinne for my sinnes I shall die whensoeuer I die for death is the wages of sinne but I shall die in my sinne in that particular sinne of resisting thy spirit if I apply not thy assistances Doth it not call vs to a particular consideration That thy blessed Sonne varies his forme of Commination and aggrauates it in the variation when hee saies to the Iewes because they refused the light offered you shall die in your sinne And then when they proceeded to farther disputations and vexations and tentations hee addes you shall die in your sinnes he multiplies the former expressing â—o a plurall In this sinne â— and in all your sinnes doth not the resisting of thy particular helps at last draw vpon vs the guiltinesse of all our former sinnes May not the neglecting of this sound ministred to mee in this mans death bring mee to that miserie as that I whom the Lord of life loued so as to die for me shall die and a Creature of mine owne shall be immortall â— that I shall die and the worme of mine owne conscience shall neuer die 18. PRAYER O Eternall and most gracious God I haue a new occasion of thanks and a new occasion of prayer to thee from the ringing of this bell Thou toldst me in the other voice that I was mortall and approaching to death In this I may heare thee say that I am dead in an irremediable in an irrecouerable state for bodily health If that bee thy language in this voice how infinitely am I bound to thy heauenly Maiestie for speaking so plainly vnto mee for euen that voice that I must die now is not the voice of a Iudge that speaks by way of condemnation but of a Physitian that presents health in that Thou presentest mee death as the cure of my disease not as the exaltation of it if I mistake thy voice herein if I ouer-runne thy pace and preuent thy hand and imagine death more instant vpon mee than thou hast bid him bee yet the voice belongs to me I am dead I was borne dead and from the first laying of these mud-walls in my conception they haue moldred away and the whole course of life is but an actiue death Whether this voice instruct mee that I am a dead man now or remember me that I haue been a dead man all this while I humbly thanke thee for speaking in this voice to my soule and I humâ—ly beseech thee also to â—ccept my prayers in his behalfe by whose occasion this voice this sound is come to mee â—or though hee bee by death transplanted to thee and so in possession of inexpressible happinesse there yet here vpon earth thou hast giuen vs such a portion of heauen as that though men dispute whether thy Saints in heauen doe know what we in earth in particular doe stand in need of yet without all disputation wee vpon earth doe know what thy Saints in heauen lacke yet for the consummation of their happinesse and therefore thou hast affoorded vs the dignitie that wee may pray for them That therefore this soule now newly departed to thy Kingdome may quickly returne to a ioâ—full reunion to that body which it hath left and that wee with it may soone enioy the full consummation of all in body and soule I humbly beg at thy hand O our most mercifull God for thy Sonne Christ Iesus sake That that blessed Sonne of thine may haue the comsummation of his dignitie by entring into his last office the office of a Iudge and may haue societie of humane bodies in heauen as well as hee hath had euer of soulesâ— And that as thou hatest sinne it selfe thy hate to sinne may bee expressed in the abolishing of all instruments of sinne The allurements of this world and the world it selfe and all the temporarie râ—uenges of sinne the stings of sicknesse and of death and all the castles and prisons and monuments of sinne in the graue That time may bee swallowed vp in Eternitie and hope swallowed in possession and ends swallowed in infinitenesse and all men ordained to saluation in body and soule bâ— one intire and euerlasting sacrifice to thee where thou mayest receiue delight from them and they glorie from thee for euermore Amen 19. Oceano tandem emenso aspicienda resurgit Terra vident iustis medici iam cocta mederi se posse indicijs At last the Physitians after a long and stormie voyage see land They haue so good signes of the conâ—oction of the disease as that they may safely proceed to purge 19. MEDITATION ALl this while the Physitians themselues haue beene patients patiently attending when they should see any land in this Sea any earth any cloud any indication of concoction in these waters Any disorder of mine any pretermission of theirs exalts the dâ—sease accelerates the rages of it no diligence accelerates the concoction the maturitie of the disease they must stay till the season of the sicknesse come and till it be ripened of it selfe and then they may put to their hand to gather it before it fall off but they cannot hasten the ripening Why should wee looke for it in a disease which is the disorder the discord the irregularitie the commotion and rebellion of the body It were scarce a disease if it could bee ordered and
comfort which wee might haue in our first sicknesse from that meditation Alas how generally miserable is Man and how subiect to diseases for in that it is some degree of comfort that wee are but in the staâ—e common to all we fall I say to this discomfort and selfe accusing selfe condemning Alas how vnprouident and in that how vnthankfull to God and his instruments am I in making so ill vse of so great benefits in destroying so soone so long a worke in relapsing by my disorder to that from which they had deliuered mee and so my meditation is fearefully transferred from the body to the minde and from the consideration of the sicknesse to that sinne that sinfull carelesnesse by which I haue occasioned my relapse And amongst the many weights that aggrauate a relapse this also is one that a relapse proceeds with a more violent dispatch and more irremediably because it finds the Countrie weakned and depopulated before Vpon a sicknesse which as yet appeares not wee can scarce fix a feare because wee know not what to feare but as feare is the busiest and irksomest affection so is a relapse which is still ready to come into that which is but newly gone the nearest obiect the most immediate exercise of that affection of fearâ— 23. EXPOSTVLATION MY God my God my God thou mightie Father who hast beene my Physitian Thou glorious Sonne who hast beene my physicke Thou blessed Spirit who hast prepared and applied all to mee shall I alone bee able to ouerthrow the worke of all you and relapse into those spirituall sicknesses from which your infinite mercies haue withdrawne me Though thou O my God hâ—ue filled my measure with mercie yet my measure was not so large as that of thy whole people the Nation the numerous and glorious nation of Israel and yet how often how often did they fall into relapses And then where is my assurance how easily thou passedst ouer many other sinnes in them and how vehemently thou insistedst in those into which they so often relapsed Those were their murmurings against thee in thine Instruments and Ministers and their turnings vpon other gods and embracing the Idolatries of their neighbours O my God how slipperie a way to how irrecouerable a bottome is murmuring and how neere thy selfe hee comes that murmures at him who comes from thee The Magistrate is the garment in which thou apparellest thy selfe and hee that shoots at the cloathes cannot say hee meant no ill to the man Thy people were feareful examples of that for how often did their murmuring against thy Ministers end in a departing from thee when they would haue other officers they would haue other gods and still to daies murmuring was to morrowes Idolatrie As their murmuring induced Idolatrie and they relapsed often into both I haue found in my selfe O my God O my God thou hast found it in me and thy finding it hath shewed it to me such a transmigration of sinne as makes mee afraid of relapsing too The soule of sinne for wee haue made sinne immortall and it must haue a soule The soule of sinne is disobedience to thee and when one sinne hath beene dead in mee that soule hath passed into another sinne Our youth dies and the sinnes of our youth with it some sinnes die a violent death and some a naturall pouertie penurie imprisonment banishment kill some sinnes in vs and some die of age many waies wee become vnable to doe that sinne but still the soule liues and passes into another sinne and that that was licentiousnesse growes ambition and that comes to indeuotion and spirituall coldnesse wee haue three liues in our state of sinne and where the sinnes oâ— youth expire those of our middle yeeres enter and those of our age after them This transmigration of sinne found in my selfe makes me afraid O my God of a Relapse but the occasion of my feare is more pregnant â—han so for I haue had I haue multiplied Relapses already Why O my God is a relapse so odious to thee Not so much their murmuring and their Idolatry as their relapsing into those sinnes seemes to affect thee in thy disobedient people They limited the holy one of Israel as â—hou complainest of them That was a murmuring but before thou chargest them with the fault it selfe in the same place thou chargest them with the iterating the redoubling of â—hat fault before the fault was named How oft did they prouoke mee in the Wildernesse and grieue me in the Desart That which brings thee to that exasperation against them as to say that thou wouldest breake thine owne oath rather than leaue them vnpunished They shall not see the land which I sware vnto their fathers was because they had tempted thee ten times infinitely vpon that thou threatnest with that vehemencie if ye do in any wise goe backe know for a certainty God will no more driue out any of these Nations from before you but they shall be snares and traps vnto you and scourges in your sides and thornes in your eies till ye perish No tongue but thine owne O my GOD can expresse thine indignation against a Nation relapsing to Idolatry Idolatry in any Nation is deadly but when the disease is complicated with a relapse a knowledge and a profession of a former recouerie it is desperate And thine anger workes not onely where the euidence is pregnant and without exception so thou saiest when it is said That certaine men in a Citie haue withdrawne others to Idolatrie and that inquirie is made and it is found true the Citie and the inhabitants and the Cattell are to bee destroied but where there is but a suspicion a rumor of such a relapse to Idolatrie thine anger is awakened and thine indignation stirred In the gouernment of thy seruant Iosua there was a voice that Reuben and Gad with those of Manasseh had built a new altar Israel doth not send one to enquire but the whole congregation gathered to goe vp to warre against them and there went a Prince of euery Tribe And they obiect to them not so much their present declination to Idolatry as their Relapse is the iniquity of Peor too little for vs An idolatry formerly committed and punished with the slaughter of twenty foure thousand delinquents At last Reuben and Gad satisfie them that that Altar was not built for Idolatry but built as a patterne of theirs that they might thereby professe themselues to bee of the same profession that they were and so the Army returned without bloud Euen where it comes not so farre as to an actuall Relapse into Idolatry Thou O my GOD becommest sensible of it though thou who seest the heart all the way preuentest all dangerous effects where there was no ill meaning how euer there were occasion of suspicious rumours giuen to thine Israel of relapsing So odious to thee so aggrauating a weight vpon sinne is a relapse But O my