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A56891 Hell reformed or A glasse for favorits Their falls and complaints also the complaints of princes against their favorits. With the dangerous mischiefes of state politicks, flatterers, suborners, secret accusers, false witnesses, &c. Also the reasons of a devill, why he had rather continue in hell; then returne and live againe on earth. With the acclamations of a testator, for making his will before hee dyed: and his advice to others therein. Also the decree of Lucifer, for reformation. With many other notable passages, worthy observation. Discovered in a vision, by D:F:Q:V: A Spanish knight, of the Order of Saint Iames, and Lord of Ivan-Abad. Published by E:M: gent.; Infierno enmendado. English. Quevedo, Francisco de, 1580-1645.; Messervy, Edward. 1641 (1641) Wing Q189; ESTC R220636 37,547 137

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things would hee say If I made some Groane my Sonne believed that I was yielding up the Ghost my Wife commanded that the Hangings should be taken downe and the rest of the Move ables put up my Servant was importunat for his Legacy my Friend ask't how much the silver Plate which I had given him was worth the Slave would have his Freedome because nothing of all that could be executed untill I was dead it appeared that even as I gave and dispersed my goods amongst them even so I ordeyned that they should all wish for my Death And therefore I protest if I came to live againe I would make a Will altogether different from the first I would say I ordeyne that whatsoever my Sonne shall eate of my Goods after my death may be converted into Poison that my Curse may light on his Head and that all that which I leave against my will because I cannot carry it away aswell unto him as unto the rest that the Devill may take possession thereof and carry it away if he can That the Plague Rage or Despaire may choake my Wife Item if I dye I ordeyne that my Slave my have so many stripes with a stirrop lether three times a day That my Wife may make herselfe party against my Physitian accusing him to have beene cause of my Death for I must avow that I am not in charity whch that Wicked Fellow because he hath not contented himselfe to have tormented me being in Health and to have made an end of killing of me being sicke he hath yet persecuted me after Death even as he and the most part of his profession do of those Poore Idiots who abandon themselves unto them to go so much the sooner in the other World For when they have dispatched us and that we are gone they do accuse us of a thousand Imperfections Gods Peace be with him say they his excese of Drinking hath killed him How could we Cure him he was so Disorderly in his diet he was a Mad Man he was a Foole he would not obey the Physitian It was a Rotten Body Cacochyme a Iakes of Infection he lived so ill that it was much better for him to dye his houre was come Oh Theeves Oh Murtherers 't is you that is the Houre for at the instant that you enter in a sicke bodies chamber one may very well say that he shall dye and that His Houre is come Cruell is' t not enough for you to take away the life of a Man and to cause your selves to be paid for his Death as Hangmen do but you must excuse your Ignorance upon the dishonour and Infamy of the Poore Deceased Oh yee living who creepe yet upon Earth learne of me how you ought to make your Wills for if you will practise the method which I taught you just now the Yong will attaine unto Old age and the Old unto Decrepitude you shall all dye Contented and full of dayes and shall not be cut downe in the blossome of your Age by the Doctorall Sithes of the Physitians This Deceased spake with so much vehemency that Lucifer judged he had spoken the Truth but because all Truths are not good to bee said and chiefely amongst Devils who hate it Mortally and fearing lest a greater disorder should happen if the Physitians came to the hearing of those discourses spokē by the deceased to their prejudice Lucifer ordered that he should be gag'd Of necessity silence was made to give eare unto the rumor of a Damned which running like a furious Franticke came and passed through the company crying out Where am I where am I what 's the meaning of this I have beene cousined There are Devills who Tempt others who Damne and others who Torment I have runned and visited all Hell and yet I see not one of those Devills who have brought me hither where are my Devills who hath robbed me of my Devills let my Devills be restored unto me There was never such a stranger thing seene to looke out for Devills in Hell where they are in swarmes and as he did run like one out of his wits the Doüegna tooke him by the arme and stop't him Oh unhappy Ghost if thou wantest Devills heere where dost thou meane to go and looke them He opened his eyes and knowing her who stayed him Oh Ensigne of Belzebub Figure of Sathan An Invective of one of the Damned against a Doüegna Mediatrix for the Damned Assembler of diverse Sexes Heaper up of Vices the Sinners Guide Seasoner and Temperer of Delights and Pleasures Whoredomes Harbinger the Spend-thrifts Prologue the Interpreter and Mediator for the Luxurious where hast thou left the he and she Devills who have brought me hither for I am neither such a Sot nor Idiot that I will be cheated and carried away by these Divels who have tayles and hornes like Oxen who are as smoakie as Pot-hangers who have Swines dugs and Bats wings Those that I looke for are far more wicked they are those Mothers which wound men with their Daughters lanching them forth as venomed darts those Aunts which cause their Neeces to flie up and downe as sparkles of fire those Subtile and Guilefull Lasses who pieerce with their Eyes which they hold as steddy as a Cavalleere doth his Lance those Flatterers who perpetually say yes to all which is desired of them those Sowers of Quarrels and Dissentions who are the Wormes which Gnawes the Rest and Quiet of others those Traders in Lyes who report that which they have not heard affirme that which they know not and sweare that which they believe not Those Slanderers which are the carrion Crowes of the Honour and Credit who fall and feede onely on dead flesh Hypocrites Those Hypocrites who make Profit of Mortification as of a Rent who seeme to be in an Extasis when they are Glutted who publish their Lies for Revelations who make Pulpits of Tables and Banquetts Desarts of Companyes Miracles of Ordinary things who Divine all things after they have beene told them who raise the Living from the Dead who counterfeit to be sick when they should worke and who give people unto the Devill with a Doe grtias Those were the Devills which were cause of my Damnation and thou shalt restore them unto me and finde them out thou cursed Old Woman for they are all hidden under thy Garment Thereupon he takes hold on her there was much adoe to separate them one from the other This Desperate Fellow pulled dragged a long the poore Doüegna insomuch that hee tore the vayle wherein she was wrapt up but Lucifer made them hold their peace with his absolute Power That done a great noise of Hinges and Gates not well oiled was heard with a strange rumor of a great multitude of people Old Women painted the first which appeared were Old Women Painted Presumptuous and Bablers who counterfeited to be joviall and frolicke they laughed and fooled together shewing that they were
Prince as hee was But notwithstanding all the Modesty and discreet carriage that I could use in the enjoying of such Gratifications Yet the Fosterers of Envy did murmure and invented false Accusations and detractions against me publishing that I perswaded the contempt of riches to others to the end that the hunger of my unsatiable Covetousnesse should have fewer Competitors And seeing that by little and little the Vigour of my good reputation and prosperity did diminish I tooke a resolution to put my Soule out of trouble and to be no more the Object of the hatred of so many I went to Nero and restored unto him all what hee had given me with all the duty and respect that I could testifie I had such a passion to love and serve him that the threats of his to be redoubted humor whereat some would terrifie me never tooke away my boldnesse to exhort him to vertue nor his unruly actions hindred me not from making those remonstrances unto him to which my loyalty obliged mee And when hee caused murthers and homicides to be committed 't was then that with more vehemency I represented unto him the wounds which he made to his Conscience He caused his Mother to be slaine he fired Rome and reduced it to ashes hee did depopulate the whole Empire of Honest People Piso whence Piso's conspiracy followed which was very well propounded but very ill executed for having beene discovered those who were to execute it were put to Death Those are accidents of the Divine Providence thus to preserve the life of a Prince from those abominable accidents to the end they may know themselves and amend their lives But what Nero could prevent this conspiracy and neverthelesse hee amended not his defects nor left his vices at the same time hee tooke away Lucanus his life Lucanus because hee was a better Poet then he And if he gave mee the choice of what kinde of Death I would die 't was not by any feeling of Pitty but rather of Cruelty he intended to give mee many Deaths in lieu of one for the paine of death was reiterated during the time of the choyce which I was to make besides he propounded to himselfe that suffering effectually that whereof I was to make choice so also I should suffer all the rest in the Terror and Feare which made mee to refuse them I put my selfe in a Bath and causing my Veines to be cut I made expedition of my owne dispatches my selfe to come hither with speed where to augment my mis-fortunes I have found this infamous Prince exercising yet his Cruelties and teaching unto the Devils new torments a-against the Poore Ghosts Then Nero advances Nero's replies against Seneca and with a sterne Visage and shrill Voice It is needfull said he that the Favorit and Tutor should have more learning then the Prince but also it is requisite that he should governe himselfe with respect for to become presumptuous because he hath some advantage of doctrine above him it is a Crime and therefore the Subject that will make it appeare that he is abler then his Soveraigne and that he knowes more then he ought to be punished as being Presumptuous and Insolent Seneca whilst thou didst teach me I preferred thee to all those which were about me and the esteeme that I made of thy Wisedome was one of the principall praises of my Raigne But assoone as thou wouldst have all men to know that thou wert more expert and better able then I a thing which thou shouldst have dissembled more Iudicially thou madest me a Generall scandall through-out all the World and from that time my hatred and Indignation began to kindle against thee That was so displeasing unto me that I had rather a thousand times suffer the torments which are here then to see a Favorit beside me who should make Glory of my shame and get Honour out of my Contempt I call to witnesse all these Princes who are heere Speake Kings draw neere Say have you suffered your Favorits to become so presumptuous as to make it appeare that the capacity of their understanding did exceed yours without correcting them for their Temerity No no answered they all with one voyce it shall never be indured as long as the World will be a World our Successors have promised unto us to remedy that disorder It is true that as long as the Favorite is wise and skilfull and can perswade unto the people that the Prince doth possesse the Talent of governing discreetly and that he workes by himselfe he ought to be Maintained Honoured and Esteemed by his Master But at that instant that Vanity will lead him to cause the contrary to be knowne Farewell all Privacy he deserves to be degraded That Decree hath no relation to me Complaint of Sejanus against Tiberius then said Sejanus though I had a better Wit then Tiberius for I carried my selfe with so much Industry that all was publish'd as done and ordained by his owne Judgement Therefore he acknowledged to be so much obliged to my good services that he made me Peere and Co-partner of his Empire and erected Statues to which he granted Sacred Priviledges My Name was the acclamation of the Roman People my Felicity the Mirth and Joy of the Empire and all Nations made common Vowes and Prayers for the preservation of my Health But when I believed that I was the Favorit who had the greatest share in his Lords affections Tiberius caused me to be taken and to be torne in pieces and forsooke me to the Rage and Fury of the mutineer'd people who held it for an Honour to carry away a piece of my flesh upon the point of their Javelins they dragd me along the streets Yet their incom parable Cruelty went beyond the Bounds of my Sepulcher it went to my Children and caused them to die ignominiously and a Daughter that I had which by reason of the priviledge of Virginity could not bee put to death by Iustice was barbarously condemned first to be ravished by the Hang-man Oh prodigious and then to be beheaded as it was executed It is true that my ruine began the very day that I would prevent the Destinies oppose my selfe to the Power of Fortune and despise Heavenly Providence Then more Sacrilegious then Wise I endeavored to fortifie my selfe against the craft of men causing some to be put to death and others banished Insomuch that I caused Heaven to declare it selfe my Enemy Not contented with that I tooke accesse with the Wicked I made use of the Physitian for Poisons of the Bloody for Revenge of False Witnesses of Vnjust and Corrupted Magistrates But neverthelesse I might say that those outrages were not committed according to my owne will but by vertue of the necessity wherein I was raised and as I propounded unto my selfe that in my fall and undoing I should be forsaken of the Vertuous and and also of the Wicked I made use of these as of
are the seven Wise men of Greece so much renowned throughout all the World That same which the Tyrant Nicocreon beats as you see in a morter is the Philosopher Anaxarchus That little crooked is that excellent wit which the world knew heretofore under the name of Aristotle that flat nose is the wise Socrates that other Old man is the Divine Plato and those others hid in a corner are many other men of our profession who have made the same workes of which these Princes being offended take a cruell vengeance on us And to informe you of the businesse you must know Prince Lucifer that we are the composers of Politicke Bookes and Lawes of the good Government of States and Empires whereby we have taught unto Princes the Method which they ought to observe to rule their people and to be beloved of them how Iustice ought to be held in reverence and administred Generous Warriers recompenced use to be made of Learned Men to banish Flatterers to have Magistrates Prudent and full of Integrity correct and reward according to the occurences that they were Ioves Stewards on earth and that they represented The Gods Ther 's the onely object of the outrages which they doe unto us though wee name them not and had no designe to offend thē but rather to be as a Guide unto them in the way of Vertue and of Heaven Oh wicked Princes said he turning towards them those glorious Kings and Emperors upon whom wee tooke the modell to forme our Lawes and Instructions have now a farre better habitation then you Numa Tarquin Augustus Sardinapapulus Trajan Nero. Dionysius his Reply Numa is a sparckling starre and Tarquin a smoaking Fire-brand Augustus hath left a farre more Glorious memory then Sardanapalus and Traian then Nero. Then Dionysius the Tyrant accompanied with many of the same profession began to cry out thou lyest infamous Philosopher 't is quite contrary that you Law-givers have done us any service you are rather the cause of our reproaches of our dishonour and of the cruell deaths whereby we have beene cut off having lyed in your writings spoken of things whereof you had no knowledge and given precepts of those of which you were ignorant we have beene persecuted during our life and defamed after death How my Prince said Iulian the Apostata Iulians Reply looking upon Sathan 't is very likely that these Schoole-masters of base extraction who are despised and mocked of the world by reason of their sluttish and slovenly kinde of living cloathes and grim lookes who make a merit of a beggerly life and a constancy of the scorne of others who have neither Theory nor Practicke of those Sciences they treat of not knowing what Dominion and Raigne is yet busie themselves to prescribe Precepts unto Kings and shew them the waies how to governe their Kingdomes according to their fancy and fantasticall opinions which they believe to be the Props of Crownes To your judgement could all Hell give a greater torment and a more odious mortification unto wordly greatnesse then to oblige it to suffer that one of those base fellowes scratching his head and with a face covered with a bushy Beard his eyes sunke as farre as the backe-side of his scull with an unpleasant kinde of speech shall say that the Prince which takes care onely for himselfe is a Tyrant and that he who onely thinkes to be the preservation of his people is a true King Oh! ignorant how rash and unadvised art thou draw neere a King who cares onely for the good of others who shall have care of his What thou wouldst have us to destroy our selves and that wee should doe upon our owne persons all the harme which we could receive of our enemies Rascals write night and day as much as you please but doe not goe about to speake undesired of a profession which you understand not How could wee be Soveraigne Lords unlesse we were Masters and Possessors of the goods of others be absolute if we submitted unto your Advices and Counsells yee who are but our Vassalls Can wee have a supreme power and cannot revenge our offences satisfie unto our Covetousnesse nor content our depraved spirits and having a minde to fulfill our passions would it be fit to make choice of Vertuous people to represse the Wicked No No wee have more need of those who are agreeing unto our Wills then of the others and to speake the truth you are very much void of common sence to thinke that we can recompence the Merit and Vertue of honest people since they are our owne Accusers 'T is much more profitable to draw unto us the Deceavers Perfidious and Wicked by meanes of Dignities and Consulats for our Sanctuary is in their Outrages our quality in their imitation and our excuses in their extravagances And why then old Bocus Barbus do you not write the truth Learne learne that Butchers fatten their sheep for nought else but to kill them and that the Surgeon do's not stop the veines when he would let blood Remaine then henceforth in a perpetuall silence and let this Orator speake Photinus who teacheth us a manner of Government much more favourable then yours Come forth Photinus and cause your selfe to bee understood Thereupon appeared a certaine Impudent fellow of an ill favored countenance who seemed onely to be fit to perswade wickednesse who opening his foule mouth and with a fearefull houling vomited forth the venome of these Words Wicked perswasions from one of Ptolomy his Courtiers Ptolomaeus to induce him to cause Pompey to be slaine Pompey taken out of Lucan Lucan in the 8 Booke of his Pharsalia Many Great Princes as thou art Ptolomey have often repented to have beene too religious in the observation of Iustice and equity The afflicted which they have assisted and the seruple which they have made to violate faith have often hindred them from extending the limit of their Empire and increasing the splendor of their Crownes No No Ptolomy you must resolve 'T is at this time that you must yield unto the Destiny and sticke to the will of the Gods forsaking boldly those whom they please to persecute and dispose thy selfe to take party with those whom they favour Ther 's asmuch distance betwixt Heaven and Earth and difference betwixt fire and water as betweene the vsefull and the equitable Insomuch that when a Prince will keepe himselfe within the bounds of honesty and civility he conspires against himselfe he destroyes the greatnesse of his Empire and disperses his Armyes Contrariwise the liberty of doing ill and the license of trespasses fortifies strengthens and maintaines the most odious Raigne And though there were impiety in this action who can bring thee in question An other who should be below thee might very well feare some punishment but thou art above the lawes and thou canst doe all things absolutely Then deferre no longer or else He that will exercise piety let
him leave the Court. As these detestable words were ending Domitian appeared Drmitian his revenge upon Suetonius who came in choller and dragging after him poore Suetonius Tranquillus saying Amongst all these Historiographers and Chroniclers there are none worse nor more dangerous then those who after the death of Emperours dishonor their reputation according to the fancy of their wits These cursed Writers cannot let Princes be in quiet during their life nor yet after their death for they cause them to revive in their Histories to trouble them afresh as this rash fellow doth towards me who speakes of mee in these tearmes His Treasure sayes he having beene exhausted by reason of the excessive expences which hee had made in building of Edifices causing Playes to be represented and in augmenting the Souldiers pay But I pray in what can a Prince better imploy his Treasure then in making of sumptuous buildings in recreating of himselfe and in recompencing the Warriers Hee endeavoured said he to raise himselfe againe from the expences which were made in the maintenance and entertainement of the Men of Warre to lessen the number But confidering that it was to give way unto strangers to play him some affront he made no scruple to ransack and pillage all manner of wayes the goods of the living and of the dead also which were confiscate upon the report of the least accuser and to undoe a man there needed nought else but to goe and say that he had spoken ill of the Prince Is it thus that one ought to speake of Princes what can he say worse of theeves and robbers Is it not a brazen-fac'd impudence to use the same tearmes for the Scepters of Kings as for Theeves stealing hookes and to compare them alike He tooke possession sayes he againe of those inheritances where he had neither right nor pretext of succession as soone as there was a False witnesse found who would say that hee had heard the deceased to whom Domitian had tyrannically ravished the goods say before his death that Caesar was his Heire Besides hee had imposed an excessive Tribute upon the Jewes and there were some who fained they were none to free themselves from 't And to that purpose I remember that being yet a yong Youth I was present when an Old man of fourescore and ten yeeres old who was thought to be a Jew was visited by the Emperours Deputy also before a great assembly of Counsellors to see whether he was circumcised yea or no. What thinke you Infernall Gentlemen is not that an insupportable injury How can I helpe the faults and excesses of my inferiour Officers For my part I wonder that the Princes my successors doe suffer those scandalous writings to be publish'd to my dishonour I who have spent so much money in the reestablishing of the Libraries which had beene burnt As he uttered this word Suetonius his Complaint Suetonius said with a dying voyce It is true that was a recommendable action and therefore I have not forgotten to make mention thereof But what canst thou reply if I accuse thee to have written in a letter which contained a certaine command these words witnesses of thy pride and impiety Your Lord and your God commands it thus And if I have said the truth in my writings whereof doest thou complaine How have I spoken of the Divine Augustus of Great Iulius Caesar and of Trajan What Heroicall actions have they done which I have not published But for thee and thy semblable who are crowned plagues what fault have I committed putting before your eyes your tyrannies which causes horror unto men and all the earth This discourse of Suetonius was interrupted by the Secret Accuser and Kindler of Dissentions Accusation against the Merchants evill Angel who addressing himselfe to Lucifer shewing him a Divell with his finger That Divell said he comes but now from the World and 't is twenty yeeres since you sent him thither Presently Lucifer commanded that he should come neere he came frowardly and presented himselfe to his Prince How did hee aske hast thou been so bold to stay so long without comming to give an account of thy actions Well thou art come but thou hast not brought along with thee not so much as one poore wicked soule nor no manner of newes from the other World My Prince answered the Divell doe not censure me if you please before you have heard me whosoever condemnes before he heares the party might by chance doe justice but it would not be just Your Divelship may be pleased to remember that you gave mee a Merchant in keeping A Merchant neere unto whom I have imployed the time whereof you asked me an account that is to say I have beene ten yeeres to cause him to commit the Thefts and ten other yeeres to hinder the Restitution See a little the Diabolicall excuse which hee hath found said Lucifer Hell now a daies is not worth any thing all is here corrupted 't is not now what it was wont to be and the Divels are not now worth a rush Then turning towards his Vassall Alas poore idiot was it needfull to stay so long neere a Merchant to make him steale and afterwards to hinder him to restore thou art an ignorant thou dost not yet perfectly understand the Art of Divellishnesse And then calling one of his Officers Carry away said he this Divell and put him in his apprentiship to learne his Trade I see hee is a Knave and that hee tels mee but a Tale doubtlesse hee hired himselfe to the Comedians to bee an Actor in their Playes 't was there that he was occupied At that time there came from the side of a little hillocke Fathers without Children Men who ran after Women They cried out helpe helpe succour us and the men stop stop take them Lucifer commanded that they should all be seased on What 's the matter amongst you said he and one of those men who was almost out of breath answered him Wee are the Fathers without Children and these Carrions Speake more civilly and truly said then a Devill unto him who as one may presume was protector of the respect due unto those Dames he had reason touching the truth for it could not be possible that they should be Fathers without Children It is true said that man that wee are all Fathers as having had Children who called us so wee were married and men of honour and wealth and though we had beene absent a long time and had great sicknesses which hindred us from child-getting though wee were de frigidis maleficiatis or else that being neere them wee did nothing but sleepe neverthelesse they brought us forth Children every yeere which wee were bound to nourish beleeving charitably that they were of our propagation for one poore imbrace which it may be we had once all the yeere long and in this opinion we have ingaged our Soules in a thousand Rapines Robberies Vsuries and