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death_n body_n dead_a sin_n 15,745 5 5.5153 4 true
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B06566 The experiences of God's gracious dealing with Mrs. Elizabeth White, late wife of Mr. Thomas White of Coldecot in the county of Bucks. / As they were written under her own hand, and found in her closet after her decease, she dying in child-bed, Decemb. 5. 1669. White, Elizabeth, d. 1669. 1698 (1698) Wing W1763; ESTC R186485 11,805 24

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Ordinan●● of the Lords Supper Prov. 8.34 Blessed ar● they that watch daily at my gates waiting a● the posts of my door Mat. 20.15 Is it no● lawfull for me to do what I will with my ow●● This cheeked me and made me willing to wa● at that time But this is my comfort God 〈◊〉 unchangeable who I trust wil carry me throug● all the difficulties I shall met with here below● and I trust will ere long bring me to the e●joyment of himself where I shall be past si●ning and sorrowing And as a further test●mony of my interest in Christ by the effects 〈◊〉 my Faith I have these Evidences First My love to God which is greater th● to any thing in the world besides and my G● hath left it upon record that he loves them th● love him Prov. 8.17 I know my love is n● so great as it should be but I am sure n● greatest grief is that I can love him no bette● and in this case God will accept the will 〈◊〉 the deed Secondly I know my love is sincere by th● because I love the Children of God for as is 1 Iohn 5.1 Every one that loveth hi● that begot loveth him also that is begotten 〈◊〉 him and by this I know that I love th● children of God because I love God so tha● this is another evidence that I am passed fro● death to life even because I love the brethren 1 Iohn 3.14 Thirdly I can appeal to the Lord who is the searcher of hearts that the breathings of my soul are chiefly after holiness that I might be more like unto the Lord Iesus my desire is to serve God in all things and to have a real and hearty respect unto all Gods commandments I desire if it were possible that I might never sin more but rather that I might behave my self in all holy conversation as one that hath indeed and in truth experienced how good and gracious the Lord is I bless God I can truly say that my hottest conflicts are against those sins which are obvious only to the eye of God even my sinful thoughts though they come not into action O many a sad heart have I had when I have considered the vileness of my thoughts and yet have been unblameable in my conversation and this is still my daily sorrow and therefore I trust they shall never be my ruine but that the Lord will shortly re●oyce the heart of his poor servant in giving me the victory over these and all my other inbred corruptions which have so often made a separation between my dear Lord and my poor soul Fourthly I find a great change in any heart as touching the Word of God for where heretofore like a wretch as I was I esteemed a playbook before it now blessed the Lord I prize it before all other and good reason have I for it for by it hath the Lord quickned m● and therefore as long as I live I will give u● my self to walk according to the rule of it begin● the spirit of God to open the mystery of it to m● that so I might not only have the Letter b● the very mind of Christ Fifthly I see nothing in my self that mak● me more worthy of salvation than another know that I have deserved to lye in flames 〈◊〉 well as any that are now in the place of tormen● and that nothing but mercy hath stept betwe● my soul and everlasting burnings and ther●fore I heartily wish that I might always admiring of this free grace of God in chus●● me before the foundation of the world was la● so unworthy a creature as I am to set his l● upon me and let go so many thousands t● were more capable to bring Glory to his na● than ● am O the height and depth a● breadth and length of this love of God in Ch● Iesus which hath abounded to me a poor a● unworthy creature ● it is indeed such a love passeth knowledge and therefore I can no● sufficiently admire it whilst I am here in body which makes me long to be dissolv● that so I might know it more clearly and swallowed up in the eternal admiration of Amen And these are my principles which I tr● I shall hold fast even to my death 1. I believe that the Scriptures contained in the Old and New Testament are the word of God written by the Prophets and holy men as they were inspired by God to be the rule of Faith and life to his people I believe all that God in his word wills me to believe being perswaded by the spirit of God concerning the truth of it I believe that there is one only eternal God who hath his Being from himself and hath given a Being to all his Creatures both in heaven and earth and under the earth and from eternity to eternity doth whatsoever he will I believe that this eternal God-head is distinguished into three Persons the Father begetting the Son begotten and the holy Ghost proceeding from them both I believe that God created man in his own image in righteousness and holiness giving him dominion over all the Creatures and likewise gave him liberty to continue in this happy condition if he would but he having liberty to stand or to fall in his own hands quickly lost that happiness which God had instated him in by yeilding to the inticements of Satan so that breaking the commands of God he brought a curse upon himself and all his posterity so that all mankind by nature are now in a miserable condition children of wrath heirs of Hell c. And I do believe that God from all eternity knew what man would do when he had created him so that Adam's fall did but usher in as it were a greater blessedness for I do believe there hath been an eternal Covenant between the Father and the Son in the electing some to life even before the foundation of the earth was said so that no sooner had man fallen but God promised a Saviour even the Lord Iesus Christ who in his divine nature is in all things equal with God the Father and that such was his exceeding love and pity to poor lost creatures that had broken his commands and said themselves liable to the Curse that rather then they should perish he hath laid aside the Robes of his glory and took upon him the nature of man but without sin and that he was conceived by the holy Ghost born of a Virgin and while he was on earth was loaded with reproaches and scorns and did at last suffer upon the cross for the sins of his Elect where he bore the weight of Gods wrath in his Soul by his heaviness in his Agony and satisfied the Iustice of God in his body which was crucified till he dyed and I believe that he was buried and that the third day he rose again from the dead having conquered sin death and hell for believers and that he was seen of his Disciples and others
but whilst I was considering of these things I had this Scripture set home with abundance of sweetness Psalm 50.15 Call upon me in the day of trouble and I will deliver thee and thou shalt glorifie me and in the time of my extremity this word was set home upon my heart again and my good God made me to experience the truth of it in a wonderful manner for I had speedy deliverance beyond my expectation which filled my heart and mouth with praises to the Lord about three days after a friend coming to visit me I related to her how good the Lord had been unto me and how sweetly my heart was established but no sooner was my friend gone but I was tempted to think my faith was false but I labored what I could to encourage my self in the Lord my God But as I lay in my bed I thought I saw three men before me and it was presently suggested to me that these were the three persons in the Trinity O then I was very much troubled but I knew I was under a temptation and therefore cryed to the Lord for help but was not p●esently delivered from it but I had this Scripture brought to my mind No man shal see my face and live Exod. 33.20 But not being yet freed I began to consider what I had heard and read as means to help against such temptations at last I remembred that Mr. Bolton in his Book of instructions for the right comforting of afflicted consciences gave this direction after the party had prayed for help against the Tempter and done what they could in repelling him by the Word of God that if they were yet followed by Satan that then they should set about some honest imployment but now I was in Bed and knew not what to set about for the present at last I resolved to try to suckle my Child which I did and then lay down again and found that I was pretty well freed from that temptation and finding my self much distempered in my head I desired the Lord to give me rest and went about to compose my self to sleep but as I lay I thought Satan stood before me asking where I could find a promise for sleep at present I could not think of any but after some study this was brought into my mind The Lord will give his beloued sleep this word comforted me but yet I could not all that night get any sleep but still thought I saw Satan laughing at me because I had no sleep and yet trusted in his word thus all the night I continued weak in body and comfortless in mind so that in the morning I expected nothing but death then beginning to think more seriously of my change Satan as I then thought asked me where was my assurance of my everlasting happiness at this I was very much troubled knowing I had not full assurance but yet some good hope through the goodness of God I had therefore my heart made answer it is true I have no assurance but I have cast my self wholly upon the Lord Christ and in him only is my hope and here will I rest and if I perish I perish but sure I am such shall not perish for Christ hath promised them eternal life Thus being assisted by the Lord I vanquished Satan for that time and being thus at peace I quickly fell asleep and dreamed there was a Ladder set upon the earth whose top reached to heaven and I thought I was to go up that Ladder into heaven that as fast as I got up I was pulled down again which caused me to shed abundance of tears fearing that I should never get up and I thought something from above drew me by the arms but I could not see what but at last I thought I was in heaven where all tears were wiped from mine eyes and I was filled with rejoycing but when I had been there a little while I thoght I was to go back again to the earth and this very much troubled me but then I thought I heard a voice saying it would be but for a little while and that I should die in Child-bed and that the night before I dyed I should have full assurance this very much rejoyced me and I was very desirous to know of what child I should dye but that was denyed me upon this account because I should be always prepared but when I did awake I was filled with unexpressible joy earnestly longing to be dissolved and to be with Christ which was best of all and yet willing if the Lord pleased to suffer any thing which might be inflicted on me Then I remembred how Satan when I was about to turn to God would present the sufferings of Gods people to me thinking by that means to turn me back again and how I should be discouraged by them but being filled with the joys of Gods Spirit I thought I could suffer any thing not wondering as I had done how the Saints of old could bear up so bravely under their sufferings But after I began to amend my joys were not so full as they had been but I had a more setled peace than formerly I had blessed be the Lord I had many various changes in my spirituall state but once having a great sense of a hard heart and being desirous to have it molified I was tempted to do some great evil as the only means to break me and that it might be the readier entertain'd Satan put it into my heart to consider the condition of Nathaniel Butler whose heart was unbroken till the commission of that horrid sin of murder and then this great evil brought him to a sight and sense of all sin this temptation was very strong upon me but yet stronger was he that was with me than he that was against me for at that very instant did the Lord cast into my heart that happy word Rom. 8.3 Let us do evil that good may come whose damnation is just This word proved a happy means to repel the temptation but yet this mercy I had forgot till the Lord revived it upon my heart almost two years after as I was reading the Chapter And since my Child was weaned I was in such a state of deadness and darkness that I thought if I was ever raised out of it I should never question my condition again I was tempted to think that the Scripture was not the word of God I had let out my affection in a wonderful measure to my Child and yet my Lord forsook me not but dispelled my darkness and filled me with rejoycing O What shal I render to him After this I grew into another damp and was raised again and I trust the Lord will keep me notwithstanding all the mist which shall be raised in my heart by sin and Satan even by his power through faith unto Salvation These Scriptures revived me 〈◊〉 several times when I was in heaviness fo● want of the presence of God at the