Town too by the Valour of our brave Boys especially by th' Authority and Conduct o' my Lord Amphitryon who divided the Booty Lands and Corn among the Soldiers and firmly settled our Soveraign Creon in his Theban Kingdom My Honour 's sent Express from the Port to tell his Lady how bravely he has acquitted his Charge and the Success o' these noble Qualities I 'm studying what to say when I come in her Ladiships Presence Suppose I tell her some damn'd Wisker why that 's but m'old Dog-trick for I 'm sure when they were hottest in Fight I was hottest in Flight However I 'll brag as tho' I had been i' the midst of 'em and tell her all what I heard from other People But first I must consider wi' my self what graceful Postures and what Rhetorick t' accost her Ladiship with Thus then I begin He sets down his Lanthorn and bows Madam At our first happy Arrival at th' Enemies Country and the Disembarkment of our Troops my Noble Lord Amphitryon immediately chose out the Flower of all the Nobility as Envoys to the Teleboans to declare his Pretensions That if they 'd freely without any Constraint deliver up their unjust Spoils with th' Authors o' such outrageous Actions and make Reparation for what they had dispos'd of he 'd immediately retire home with all his Troops send th' Argives to their own Country and leave all things in a peaceable and quiet Posture But if they were so obstinate as to refuse these gracious Proposals their Town must expect th' utmost Severities o' Fire and Sword At the Delivery o' this Message according to my Lord's Orders these haughty Men proud o' their own Strength and Courage very roughly treated our Envoys telling 'em They knew how to defend what they had got by their drawn Swords and therefore we had best speedily draw off our Troops from their Dominions Upo ' the Receipt o' this rude Answer Madam my Lord advanc'd towards 'em with his whole Army The Teleboans did the like with their Troops from the Town accouter'd with the finest Equipage i' the World After th' Approaches of these two numerous Armies each Man and Officer in his proper Post they drew up their Troops in Battalia we after our own Way and the Enemy after theirs Next Madam the two Generals advanc'd to the Fronts of each Army and there parley'd agreeing to this Article That the Vanquish'd shou'd deliver up their Cities Lands Gods and Selves to the Mercy o' the Conquerors Upon this Madam the shrill Trumpets sound the spacious Valleys eccho the Soldiers shout on all sides the Generals send their Prayers to Jove and every where encourage their Men each single Man lays lustily about him bright Weapons clash great Lances shiver Heavens high Arch bellows wi' the Soldiers Clamors a Cloud arises from the gloomy Breath of the Combatants and wounded Wretches sink beneath the bloody Swords At last Madam Fortune was so favourable t' our Wishes as to make us Conquerors th' Enemy dropping on all sides we broke in and fell upon 'em with dreadful Fury Still not a Man turn'd his Back or stir'd a foot out o' the Place he fought in they chusing Death sooner than quitting their Posts and fell where they stood keeping their Ranks after Death My Lord finding such Obstinacy order'd the Cavalry o' the Right Wing to Wheel about and Charge these he pour'd in upon 'em with horrible Outcries mangling and treading under foot these Impious Men with prodigious Slaughter Mer. Thus far the Rogue 's i' the right for my Father and I were both present at th' Action Aside Soc. going on In short Madam these resolute People fled for 't We took fresh Courage pursu'd and cut 'em all in pieces My Lord Amphitryon fell upo ' Pterelas their King and cut off his Head with his own Hands This Engagement lasted from Morning till Evening I ha' the more reason to remember 't for the De'el a bit o' Dinner got I that Day but the Night put an End to this bloody Contest Next day came the Magistrates from the Town all in Tears submissively acknowledging their Misdemeanours promising To deliver up all Things Sacred and Profane their City Wives and Children all at Discretion Last of all Madam my Noble Lord Amphitryon as the prize of his undoubted Valour was presented wi' the great Golden Cup that Pterelas us'd to drink in All this will I tell my Lady Taking up his Lanthorn I must now go and enter the House and there execute my Lord's Commission He advances nigher to Mercury Mer. Ha Ha! he 's making his Approaches but I 'll confront him I mustn't suffer the Fellow to lodge within these Quarters to Night Since I 've taken upon me his Shape I shall play fast and loose with him and as long as I do resemble him in Body troth 't is but decent I shou'd in Actions and Manners Therefore must I turn a damnable subtle sly Varlet to cut him down at his own Play o' Roguery and send him packing Hey-day what now He 's a Star-gazing but I 'll watch his Waters for him Aside Soc. to himself Faith and Troth if a Body may believe or know any thing I think Aurora went tipsie to Bed last Night and is now in a dead Sleep Why yonder 's Charles-Wain i' the same Place still the Moon hasn't stirr'd step since she Rise the Rock and Spindle the Evening and Seven-Stars can't get down for their Lives the Signs all obstinately keep their Posts and the Night won't budge a bit for the Day Mer. Hold to 't Goddess Night t' obey my Fathers Commission as you 've begun You do a great God a great Service and he 'll greatly gratifie ye for 't Soc. to himself I think there never was such a long Night since the Beginning o' the World except that Night I had the Strapado and rid the Woodden-Horse till Morning and o' my Conscience that was twice as long By the Mackins I believe Phebus has been playing the Good-Fellow and 's asleep too I 'll be hang'd if he ben't in for 't and has took a little too much o' the Creature Mer. Say ye so Slave What treat Gods like your Selves By Iove have at your Doublet Rogue for Scandalum Magnatum Approach then you 'll ha' but small Joy here Aside Soc. to himself Where are your true Fornicators now that can't sleep without a Wench Here 's a Night for 'em then now they may take their full Swing of Whoring Mer. The Rogue has hit my Father to an Ace for he has resolv'd t' have his full Swing of his dear Alcmena to Night Aside Soc. to himself Well now for my Lord's Message to my Lady Goes nigher and discovers Mercury But who a-duce is here by our Door at this time o' Night I don 't like his Looks Fearfully Mer. This is the most cowardly Milksop Aside Soc. Now I think better on 't this may be some Rogue to steal my Cloak off my
Dinner presently But if you chance to be impertinent you 'll go nigh to be sacrific'd your self Mercury retires SCENE IV. Amphitryon alone walking discontentedly about his Door Heavens bless me What strange Madness has seis'd upon our Family What Prodigies have I seen since this last Journey Now I 'm apt to credit the old Fable as true that in Arcadia th' Attick People were transform'd into savage Beasts so that their Parents and Friends cou'd never know 'em after He stands in amaze SCENE V. Enter Blepharon and Socia at the further End of the Stage talking together Ble. How 's this Socia 'T is the strangest Story I ever heard Did ye meet with another Socia at the Door just o' your own Shape say ye Soc. Yes But hark ye Sir since I 've spawn'd another Socia and my Lord another Amphitryon who knows but you may another Belpharon Wou'd to Heaven you were but as well convinc'd at th' Expence of a swell'd Chaps broken Teeth and an empty Belly as I am For t'other I-Socia that am yonder swindg'd me and made a poor Rogue o' me Ble. Prodigious I swear But let 's mend our Pace tho' for yonder 's his Lordship staying for us and truly my Stomach begins to wamble Amp. to himself But why do I mention Foreign Prodigies since we 're told stranger Stories of our City's Founder This mighty Prince in quest of Europa slew the dreadful Monster from whose scatter'd Teeth sprung Arm'd Troops in order rang'd where Brothers baited Brothers to Death After all Epirus saw the same great Person and his Wife crawl about in Serpents Shapes All this was great Iove's Will and the Decree of Fate The best of our Family have had their noble Exploits rewarded with dire Misfortunes 'T is my Destiny and I must sustain these Shocks o' Misery and take off these unsufferable Potions Soc. Mr. Blepharon Fearfully Ble. What Soc. My Mind misgives me plaguely Ble. Why. Soc. Look ye yonder he walks before his Door waiting like a Parasite to bid his Lordship Good morrow Ble. 'T is only to catch himself a Stomach Soc. Very ingeniously contriv'd So he has secur'd his Doors for fear it shou'd come too soon Ble. You 're i' the jeering Vein Soc. Nor yet i' the snarling Observe a little if you please He 's talking to himself if I knew what 't is and I believe he 's hammering at some plaguy Business I 'll listen to his Discourse Stand still a while Amp. to himself O how I fear that the Gods shou'd bereave me o' th' Honour o' this Victory I find my whole Family possest with strange Extravagancies Then my Wifes Disloyalty and Infamy goes to the heart o' me But the Cup quite startles me for 't was as well Seal'd as possible How can it be My Wife relates all the Particulars o' the Battel particularly that Pterelas was slain by m' own Hands Ho ho I 've found out the Trick at last This was all Socia's Roguery who but just now had th' Impudence to shut m' out o' my own House Soc. overhearing So my Name 's brought up but with a plaguy harsh Sound Pray let 's keep off a little while till his whole Passion be discharg'd Ble. How you will for that Amp. to himself But cou'd I but lay hands o' that Rascal I 'd teach him to deceive abuse and hector his own Master Very angrily Soc. D' ye hear him Sir Ble. Yes Soc. The Storm is just breaking upo ' my Shoulders We must go up to him for you know th' old Saying Ble. I know nothing o' your Sayings but I 've a nigh guessing at your Sufferings Soc. 'T is an old Proverb That an empty Belly and a slack Guest makes one as mad as the Devil Ble. Very true we 'll meet him immediately My Lord Amphitryon Amp. 'T is Blepharon's Voice I wonder what 's his Business wi' me However he comes very luckily to be a Witness o' my Wifes Baseness Here they meet and joyn Discourse How now Blepharon what ha' you to say to me Ble. Has your Honour forgot you sent Socia t' our Vessel this Morning t' invite me to Dinner Amp. I ne're so much as thought of 't But where 's that Villain Ble. Who Amp. Socia Ble. There he is Pointing to him Amp. Where Ble. Just before ye Don't ye see him Amp. Passion blinds me and this Rascal has distracted me I 'll sacrifice ye you Dog you mustn't think t' escape Offers at Socia Blepharon holds him Prithee let me come at him Ble. Hear a little I beseech ye Amp. Speak I do hear He breaks loose and strikes Socia Take that Sirrah Soc. Why this Usage Sir Ha'n't I been quick enough If I had got Pacolet's Horse I cou'dn't ha' came sooner Ble. Hold good Sir we came as great a Pace as we cou'd Amp. A Hare 's or Snails pace 't is all one I 'm resolv'd to beat the Rascal as long as he can stand Imprimis for the House-top Item for the Tile Item for shutting me out Item for your mocking me Item for your sawcy Tongue Beats him at each word Ble. What has he done Sir Amp. Done quoth a He shut the Door upo ' me and shamefelly abus'd me from the House-top Soc. I Sir Amp. Yes you who so insolently threatn'd me if I offer'd to touch the Door Dog d' ye deny 't too Soc. Why shou'd n't I Here 's a sufficient Witness to justify 't the same you sent m' in all haste t' invite to Dinner Amp. Who sent ye Impudence Soc. You Sir Amp. When I pray Soc. Just now very lately but a moment since when you and your Lady were reconcil'd within Amp. The Fellow 's bedevil'd sure Soc. I defie the Devil and all his Works You order'd me to clean all the Vessels for you had a Sacrifice t' offer and then you sent me for this Gentleman to take a Dinner wi' ye Amp. Let me perish if e'er I set step within Doors or sent him any where Where did ye leave me last Sirrah Soc. At home wi' your Lady from whence I hasten'd to the Port invited him as y' order'd me and here we are I ne're had one Glimpse o' ye since then Amp. Impudent Dog wi' my Wife Now you mustn't think t' escape my Hands He offers at him Soc. avoiding him Mr. Blepharon Ble. Good my Lord spare him for my sake and hear me Amp. Well speak your Pleasure Ble. He has been telling o' me wonderful strange Stories and perhaps some Juggler or Sorcerer has bewitch'd your Family Y' had best make a strict Enquiry into the Business and not use the poor Fellow like a Dog before you know a jot o' the matter Amp. Come then let 's enter the House I must ha' ye for a Witness i' my Wifes Case They move towards the Door SCENE VI. Enter Jupiter from Amphitryon's House Jup. appearing at the Door Who 's that made our Doors fly after such a vengenable rate Who dares cause such a Riot
Sirrah you that carry Fire i' your Lantborn Quò ambulas tu qui Vulcanum in cornu conclusum geris I do not see how the Comicalness of this Passage can be preserv'd in our Tongue Ibid. l. 27 c. Sirrah you 'll be kick'd Soc. You lye Sir for once Verbero So. Mentiris nâ—…nc jam The Jest here is wholly lost in the Translation which consists in the double meaning of the Word Verbero which is either a Noun signifying A Slave that deserves to be beaten or a Verb signifying I beat you Now Mercury us'd it in the former Sense and Socia took it in the latter and tho' it be but an ordinary Jest it was agreeable enough to Socia's Character Pag. 16. l. 1 c. Sirrah I shall stop that damn'd foul Mouth o' yours Soc. 'T is past your skill Sir 'T is kept as well and as clean as any Mans. Ego tibi istam hodie scelestam comprimam linguam So. Haud potes bene pudicéque asservatur This is exactly of the same Stamp with the last playing upon the double meaning of the Word Comprimo which signifies to Stop Stay or Repress as likewise to lye with a Woman It was us'd in the former Sense by the first and taken in the latter by the lâ—…st and has nothing of that ill meaning which the Commentators and others imagine they being most certainly in the wrong I have more successfully translated or rather imitated this than the last by making the Opposites Foul and Clean as he had done Comprimo and Pudicè especially since I 'll stop your foul Mouth is as common a Phrase among us as Comprimam linguam was among the Romans Ibid. l. 19. I shall exalt your Worship to the Honour Faciam ego hodie te superbum Some think that the Word Superbum here signifies Death and Auferere immediately after being carry'd in a Coffin or the like and others think Superbum a great Swelling by the Blows he wou'd give him But the way that I have done it seems to me to be much the more natural Sense and to have the most Wit in it Pag. 17. l. 4 c. You came wi' your Feet not wi' your Cloaths Certe pedibus non tunicis venis This in its self is one of the meanest Jests in the Play but considering that Mercury had to deal with a mean cavilling quibbling Fellow who wrested all his Words to a wrong Meaning particularly his Verbero and Comprimo and one whom he was to banter all the ways he cou'd it seems proper enough in this place Pag. 21. l. 8 c. He has erected my Statue i' my Life-time I ll be sworn no body will honour me so much after I 'm dead and gone Vivo fit quod nunquam quisquam mortue faciet mihi This is Wit in all Languages Scene the Second This Scene is a Part of the Prologue for which our Poet is not to be excus'd not only for placing of it here and so confounding the Spectators Attention by mingling their Concerns with the Actors but likewise foretelling in it the Catastrophe which ought to have been carefully conceal'd from them The first of these Faults to wit his mingling the Actors and Spectators Concerns he is several times guilty of in other Plays and when it is not by way of Prologue neither but the latter he is guilty of no where but in his Prologue to Poenulus that I remember Pag. 22. l. 12. My Father 's so tender of Alcmena Alcumena hujus honoris gratiâ pater curavit As Madam Dacier observes this Tenderness is in respect of her Health and Body and not of her Reputation as the Word Honoris seem to imply Scene the Third Pag. 23. l. 1. Take care o' the bringing up the Child Verùm quod erit natum tollito It seems very odd to us that Iupiter shou'd leave such an impertinent useless Command with Alcmena but in those days nothing was more common than the exposing of their Children so that this Order was very proper at that time and the Word Tollito alludes to that very Custom Ibid. l. 14. If your Lady shou'd find out the Cheat. Illa si istis rebus teâ—…sciat operam dare It is a great doubt among the Interpreters whether this Illa means Iano or Alcmena therefore I have done it in as general Terms as my Author has Scene the Fifth Pag. 25. l. 8. This has been a longer night than ordinary Many Learned Men have mistaken this long Night for that of Hercules's Begetting and so have thought this Play had continued nine or ten Months whereas this most evidently is that immediately before his Birth our Poet not going according to the common Fable as they suppos'd he did ACT II. THE first Interval is fill'd up with Socia's returning to the Port to tell his Master Amphitryon all the strange Things he had seen Scene the First It ought to be observ'd that the whole time of this Scene 's acting Amphitryon Socia and the Prisoners are moving towards the Front of the Stage and Amphitryon's Door which may well enough be considering the Vastness of the Roman Stage being 180 Foot in the Front This Scene cannot be represented with nigh the Probability upon our small Stage Pag. 28. l. 23. The Fellow 's bewitch'd and fallen into some ill hands Huic homini nescio quid est mali malâ objectum manâ—… Our Phrase Ill Hands has the same meaning that Malâ manu has here which signifies those of Witches or Sorcerers therefore Socia's Jest immediately following is as effectual in the Translation as in the Original I added the Word Bewitch'd to make it still more clear Scene the Second Pag. 31. l. 16 c. Why there 's your Lady has din'd by her Belly Amp. ' Po Blockhead I left her wi' Child when I went to the Campaign I am apt to believe that this Jest of Socia's wou'd scarcely pass Muster upon our Theatre tho' in a Farce yet still it serves to keep up the Character and carry on the Humour of a mean Slave such as Socia was But what is most remarkable is that this insipid Jest shou'd be a Preparation to the Main Incident and there is but one more in the whole Comedy except in the Prologue which in reality is no part of a Play If the Matter of a Preparation be ridiculous it is oftentimes the Poet's Art and Cunning tho' I know not whether I may say it 〈◊〉 so here Pag. 33. l. 34 c. Yes Madam there are Fruits too of â—…ying-in Women and Fruits too to strengthen their Hearts and keep 'em from Swooning Enimverò pregnanti oportet malum malum dari ut quod obrodat sit animo si malè esse occaeperit The Wit or whatever the Reader please to call it of this Passage consists in Socia's playing upon the ambiguous Word Malum which Alcmena had spoken just before and this signifies either a Mischief or an Apple therefore nothing that
her your self Per. And what of all that Epi. What You may buy her out o' your Son's Hands before he returns and pretend 't is to give her her Freedom Per. Well I understand ye Epi. When you 've once got her into your Hands you may remove her t' any by Place from the City if you think it so convenient Per. I 'm clearly o' that mind Epi. What say you Sir To Apecides Ape What shou'd I 'T is a notable cunning Contrivance I think Epi. By this means you 'll cut off all your Sons hopes o' marrying her and bring him to compliance at pleasure Ape Thour' t a cunning Rogue and pleasest me strangely Epi. Sir what you 're about requires expedition Per. Very true indeed Epi. I 've a Trick too that the Merchant shan't smell your Designs Per. Let 's hear 't Epi. So you shall Observe Ape Aside to Periphanes This is the craftiest Son of a Whore Epi. I 'm affraid we shall want one to pay the Mony for this Wench For ' twon't be so convenient for you to go your self Per. Why so Epi. Lest the Merchant suspect you buy her upo ' your Sons account Per. Very right Epi. To hinder him of his Mistress and so his Suspicions may chance to cross your Designs Per. Where shall we find one proper to manage this Business Epi. This Gentleman is the fittest i' the World He understands a Bargain to a Tittle and has the Law at his Fingers ends Per. Epidicus I gi' ye Thanks Epi. And I 'll endeavour to deserve 'em I 'll find out the Master o' the Musick-Girl carry the Mony with the Gentleman and bring her to ye Per. What 's the lowest price of her Epi. The lowest price Perhaps you may get her for a hundred Pounds But if you send too much it shall be return'd faithfully There can be no Cheat in 't and your Mony won't lye dead ten days I 'm sure Per. How so Epi. Because there 's another young Spark has a Months mind to this Wench a Rhodian Captain vastly rich a stout Soldier a terrible Fellow and a grand Braggadocio He 'll certainly take her off your Hands and pay ye ready Mony with all his Heart Do but venture upon her and you may gain the Lord knows what by the Bargain Per. Heavens grant I may Epi. Don't question it Ape Will you go in Sir and bring out the Mony I 'll away to the Piazza and be sure Epidicus do you meet me there Epi. Don't ye go from thence before I come Ape I 'll stay for ye there Per. Come in Epidicus Epi. Go in Sir and draw over your Mony I shan't make ' ye stay Exeunt Apecides and Periphanes severally SCENE III. Epidicus alone Hang me if I believe there 's e'r a piece o' Ground in all our Country yields half so well as this old Fellows Bags For tho' they be ne'r so well secur'd and seal'd up sweep says my Worship with as much Mony as he pleases But Faith I 've a plaguy Scruple that th' old Man shou'd find out the Roguery on 't and stick as close to my Back as an old Rook to a rich Cully One thing puts me to my last Trumps that is to know which Musick-Girl I had best shew Apecides O I ha 't i' my Head Th' old Man order'd me this Morning to find up a Musick-Girl to sing for him at his Sacrifice I 'll soon produce one and teach her her Lesson how to carry on the Cheat handsomly t' our old Gentleman Now I 'll in and receive the Mony o' this old silly Put. Exit Epidicus The end of the Second Act. ACT III. SCENE I. Enter Stratippocles and Cheribulus Stratip entring S Death I 'm torn asunder and eaten up with th' Expectation of all Epidicus's fine Promises It torments me strangely and I 'd gi' the World to know whether there be any Hopes or not Che. For all Epidicus's great Helps y'ought to seek out elswhere For I could ha' told ye before-hand you weren't to expect any thing from his Brain Stra. I 'm a miserable Man in earnest Che. 'T is childish i' you to vex your self so Stra. As I 'm a living Soul if I once lay hands on him 't shall ne'r be said that a pitiful Slave abus'd his Master without Punishment But what wou'd ye have him do who has no Mony when you who has so much at command won't part with a Penny to keep a Friend from sinking Che. Upo ' my Word if I had it I wou'd with all my Heart However you needn't fear but you 'll meet wi' something by some ways some means from some Place or from some Body and you 've still some hopes o'sharing i' my good Fortune when I meet with 't my self Stra. Po hang such sneaking Fellows Che. What 's your Fancy in giving me this Language Stra. Because your Tongue ran all upo ' your silly somethings your some means your some Places and your some Bodies which are all nothing to the purpose I 'll not weary out m'ears any longer wi'this Stuff nor expect any more Help from ye than from one that 's ne'r thought of Angrily SCENE II. Enter Epidicus on the other side of the Stage with a Bag of Mony Epi. to Periphanes within Well Sir you 've perform'd your Part now must I mine After this care 's over you may set your Heart at rest He comes from the Door Condemn'd every Cross and no hopes of a Reprieve He takes some of it out Faith 'thas a plaguy alluring Eye Trust m'agen old Fool 't is an ancient Trick entail'd upon our Family Gods what a glorious prosperous and lucky Day was this But I 'm plaguy backwards in carrying this rich Prize into Harbour Delays are very dangerous i'th is case But what 's yonder the two Sparks my Master and Cheribulus Well what now Here Sir take it if you like it To Stratippocles Stra. How much is there He takes it Epi. Enough and more than enough something over-plus I 've got above twenty Guinea's more than you owe to your Banker You see Sir as long as I can please and oblige you I 'm sufficiently prodigal o' m'own Back Stra. Your Back why so Epi. By making your Father guilty o'Bag-slaughter Stra. What a duce is that Epi. Nay I don't mind your old and common Phrase Hold up his Hand at the Bar but I make him hold up his Hand at the Bags For I 've already paid off the Slave-Merchant wi' m' own Hands for that Girl who goes for your Sister Now I 've hit upon a way to put another Trick upo ' your Father and do you a good turn into the Bargain I had this Discourse wiâ—…th ' old Man and perswaded him all I cou'd to hinder you from getting this Musick-Girl when you came home * by buying her himself before-hand and so to remove her to some by-place Now will I top another upon him that shall do his business as well every