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A00410 Questions of profitable and pleasant concernings talked of by two olde seniors, the one an ancient retired gentleman, the other a midling or new vpstart frankeling, vnder an oake in Kenelworth Parke, where they were met by an accident to defend the partching heate of a hoate day, in grasse or buck-hunting time called by the reporter the display of vaine life, together with a panacea or suppling plaister to cure if it were possible, the principall diseases wherewith this present time is especially vexed. O. B., fl. 1594. 1594 (1594) STC 1054; ESTC S120718 71,141 94

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suffer no such beastly wits to make gaine of them I haue heard there are a sect and company of them who haue a speciall resorting place called Scorners hall where there are created Maisters wardens and other inferiours all of one liuerie and fraternitie Hud It cannot be chosen but their rents come in verie easilie Dunst I will shew you what prefferreth them and how men of this facultie are chosen to office Huddle I thinke I can saue you a labour vnlesse it be otherwise with them then in all other companies for they are preferred and chosen as they follow one another in time and abilitie of gettings For my part I see not why plenty of scoffes and iestes should not make free and promote to office any forrainer in this facultie Dunst Well sir you need no guide to beate your pathes who can chalke out your owne way so perfectly your selfe yet it shall not repent me to stirre the stearne in a calme to keepefresh a more worthie Pilote to bring the shippe into a safe porte when a storme shall arise Hud The yeare goeth about ere you can bring the Bride from out her tyring house Dunstable At once to bewray the simplenesse of my meaning without coloures or imbrodering when the principallest of this misterie hath bene collocated in the highest dignitie as to haue sitten in scorners chaire then all fantasticall yong greene wits must of necessitie congratulate him a farre of solemnly inuiting him to dinner and supper taking especiall heed they neither Tom Iack nor Wat him as they do other apprentises in their liberall Arto for it is very penall in the stabbing lawe Hud I take them notwithstanding their Sprusenesse by your leaue for no better then good euery dayes fooles so being none of their counsailes not subiect to their babling benches Dunst May it now please you to be put in minde of your London newes which my scattering questions haue all this while hindered Hud Since I haue consented vnto you in your other desires I wil not refuse to satisfie you therin also There is a most strange report made vnto the world of a Gentleman his manner of life and death lately deceased in the Cittie the copie whereof I haue here and must be faine to recite the sainevnto you my ragged writing being as it is so troublesome to reade Dunstable I pray you Sir first shewe what sort and qualitie he was of and also his name if I may be so bolde to desire it Huddle His parentage not of the meanest in liuing rather equall with the best then inferiour to many within the degree of Gentlemen His name I hauenot heard recited but for sect and conuersation a meere Epicurean Atheist Dunstable How kept he his lands was he any waster or spender of them Huddle Surely he lessened not the quantity of his heritage but his dissolute and voluptuous spendings were many degrees worse then the wasting of Patrimonies Form the exercise of vertues great summes and massies of treasure are oftentimes laudably dispended His minner of carriage was exceeding haughty himselfe hollow within of small discretion yet of great pride to aspire vpwards to matters too great and tempestuous for him to weeld or become placing his whole felicitie in the practises or rather deuises of new and strange pleasures hauing neuer in any part of his life bestowed time in the doing deeds of armes nor at any hand willing to heare or allow the praises of any mans notable vertues Dunst How could such a one recreate himselfe being so absolutely il as neither to vse good parts nor to endure the praises of worthy men Little could such a Sathanist want of reprobacie to liue thus in contempt of God and man Me thinkes he should also be at defiance with nature and so place his delights in strange prodigious and monstrous things Hud You haue not much mistaken the condition of the man for euery one hath a chiefe desire to some one thing or other wherein the delight must be entertained either in matters worthy or vnworthy to be beloued Dunst It is oddes the vggly vices that were like to be in him euen hastily started his soule from out his bodie before the naturall and appointed time of her departure Hud You haue spoken herein more wisely then perhaps yee be ware of no doubt there are diuerse things within a man which appeare not like as naturall causes do that shorten and as it were murther nature vntimely Looke as water the enemie to fire quencheth the same when she commeth at it so doth disorderly gouernment laying surfet vpon surfet till euils be multiplied so farre in a mans body that remedies there can be found none because the little sparke of life is so ouerwhelmed and raked vp vnder a huge heape of diseases For after distemperature hath ingendered disease and surfet nourished it continually vsing the same custome of wasting and consuming bloud disease commeth to be so confirmed that no medicine can come at the first cause to take away or thrust the greefe out of the body Looke when the stomach is made heauy by violent occasions appetite ceasing the bloud of life must also perish and decay so death vnnaturally purchased vntimely destroieth life Dunst These good teachings God willing shall prooue counsailes to me not to oppresse nature with vnruly and continuall feeding or by ouerdoing otherwise to her preiudice Hud What you come short of me in knowledge I perceiue not your words I see are of a phisicall coniugation which because you pretend ignorance I will helpe you to decline Vnruly gouernance you shall perceiue was the confusion and certain pouring out of this Gentlemās life For they that make no discreet choise of the meates and drinkes they take neither of the exercises of their bodies but suffer immoderate sleepe super-abounding diet to kill the quick dispositions of their constitutions which should haue bene nourished by the moderate vse of those refreshings let such riotouse wasters of themselues looke for no helpe from the Phisitions to linger out their dayes but rather vntimely death or continuall helplesse sicknesse Dunst Your words put me in minde of this old prouerbe Either a foole or a Phisition He that prodigally with greedy lust followeth sensuall appetite surcharging nature with continuall superfluities him I take to be the foole thus meant He that can ordinately moderate his respects by due gouernance bridling his appetitious desires and vnsatiable pleasures contrary to this largenesse him I take to be the Phisition There is also another deadly delectation which I thinke breedeth both fooles and Phisitions by that sweete bait without auoidance we are tickled on to vntimely death vnlesse by wholsome preparatiues of continencie we meet and go against that sore desease called lecherie By her the seed of lifes best digested substance marrow goeth from vs which should feed life according to our first creation and nature Hud Take heed whilst you think to speake wisely you erre
not taking vpon me to be able or worthy to iudge wherein the secret determination of the Almighty alone preuailed But now to tel you what they want and seeke for chiefly amongst vs as also to what conclusions their drifts tend know you that they hunt the authority of great persons by them to bring in a rauening monster vpon vs to worke our cōfusion by a beast of confusion if there could any such be found that would vndertake to bring in hungrie rauenours to possesse with cruelty what they blessedly enioy By the iudgemēt of God hitherto we haue seen what their vnnaturalnesse hath wrought against others and what they haue catcht for thēselues Du Belecue me til now I had little thought their religion had tēded to murther rebelliō Hud As though the deuotion of Rome had at any time other patience then to ouerthrow by all tiranny and cruelty They hold no other coūsailes to amend any thing that is amisle in religion but presently poisoning or other degrees of confusion are either purposed or executed vpon them that stand against them How open a thing is it to euery vnderstanding to beleeue that they who go about or wish to change the Queenes most excellent Maiestie from the religion she hath alwaies preferred before the safety of her life that the same men haue not concluded and determined her death according to the endeuors and abilities they were of Now I hope you see by this commission how the fellow catholiks that were are become fellow souldiers from Iesuites traitors seedmen of sedition conspiracie Their harmles desire to instruct the ignorant to bring back againe those seduced stray sheepe that had wandered forth from the fold of Rome that is also laid a sleepe and changed I remember how they dallied out the matter like Chaucers Frier at the first vnder pretence of spiced holinesse Dun. I beseech you sir expresse your conceit of that Frier Hud This holy man came sick to a chappell of ease where one of his good dames dwelt who had wont to bestow the best roome and cherishing in her house on him Shee seeing this drooping pulier thus distrest pitty ranne soone into her gentle heart offering to him at the first the choise of such things as she had in a readinesse to eate Amongst the rest a Henne was named presently to be killed for him A Henne quoth the limmeter nay good dame God defend she should be done to death for so sinfull and wicked a wretch as I am the liuer of a Henne gentle dame will suffice me for alas I am a poore wretched vnderling and no prouinciall man neither warden of my company At the first these celestiall seeds-men meant no hurt to the Queenes most excellent Maiestie nor her realme but that which was more deare vnto her to holde as I said before then her life that they would seeke to pull from her without offence Dunstable Thanks be to God for her godly resolution Happy is that bird that hath her nest so shut vp and fenced in that no destroyers can enter to spoile her and her tender louing ones What considerations or hearts carry they that desire to subiect their Soueraigne to forraine Pottentates Or how should it come to passe that the bonds of breeding should bind lesse then the corrupt promises and rewards of other nations Woe worth such wicked proselites that haue made themselues strangers and aliens from their owne countries suffering themselues to be won to other religion and obedience then that which God and their Prince commandeth subiecting themselues to two tirants that go about to crush and grinde to powder all the nations of the Christian world thinking none meet to possesse them but their owne mercilesse selues What worse or more blusterous diuels can there be then such as forsake their religion with detestation for a deadly some of money Hud Haue you forgotten how Iudas Iscariot for the couetise of money of his owne accord betraid his maister Dunst No verily Hud Then thinke that men may be drawne by means where they want true breeding and right bringing vp especially when there is so busie a counsell held abroad about the matter in the diuelish conuocation house of Bishop Caiphas at Rome whither the Scribes and Pharisies swarme daily crying Let vs murther her she is not for our purpose Besides thither resort Pilate his seruants also who at any conditions are ready to be hired to lay violent hands on the Lords annointed marked for his principall members and defenders of his infallible trueth Nothing but murther will quench their insatiable thirst as appeared by the Iacobines most irreligious sacrificing of the Christian King Henry of Fraunce last deceased the day of which horrible deed doing is hallowed and called at Rome the day of the gladnesse of their hearts where they mingle and conferre diuelish counsels with our men whom they keepe there with itching hands and tickling fingers already stirred vp to attempt violence against her whom God of his goodnesse thus farre hath made inuincible against all terrors promising still to keepe his beloued safe from the danger of all practises and conspiracies whatsoeuer Dunsta I pray you sir recite your example of Iudas which I partly remember yet vnderstand not the matter so fully as I am perswaded you are able to teach it Hud Iudas you know in title and profession was a familiar houshold seruant with the Lord but in affection of heart as appeared a wild enemie He wanted no cherishing at his Maisters hand neither at any time receiued displeasure of the Lord whereby to conceiue ill opinion or to beare grudge malice or euill will towards him yet rauening couetousnesse so gripte him at the heart that he ranne headlong through couetousnesse into traitorisme These Romish Iewes so reioyce when they can meete with a tragicall Iudas that will venture to play a desperate part to put out both his owne eyes in hope to take away a little sight from another and that against Gods eternall determination Such is their malicious hatred against God and godlinesse that they are neuer without men especially chosen to betray vnto death the sacred person of her whom all ages and times shall repent the losse of whensoeuer God in his iustice shall visite our sinnes with that vniuersall scourge and infliction Dunst Me thinkes the thought hereof in their bitterest furies should renew loue and prick the consciences of them that go about any such attempts so as they should not be able to continue in their madnesse yea the whole frame and workmanship of nature should tremble at so horrible a deed of vnnaturall crueltie Hudd Had her most excellent Maiestie carried a meaning to haue entertained displeasures sought and brought home vnto her how might she haue dilated and enlarged her kingdomes in circuit vpon iust causes and worthy conceiuings But almighty God who delighteth not in shedding of Christian bloud hath exercised her heart in harmelesse thoughts