was a Temptation and presently to run to Jesus Christ for Succour and Relief and to apply the Promises unto my Soul and I quickly found Comfort and was soon freed from Temptation But in this my Prosperity I was ready to say I shall never be removed I began to think I should never be in Adversity and sometimes I was ready to question whether I was one of God's Children because I had no Afflictions I thought God did not love me because he did not chasten me I thought I could bear any thing he should lay upon me As I valued not Life so I feared not Death I thought I could freely and willingly lay down my Life for Christ if I was called to it But this joyful lively active Frame of Spirit did not long continue in about a quarter of a Year it began to abate and I began to be more cold and indifferent in spiritual things and not to be so active and lively as before This was a great trouble to me and made me to question all that was past I thought I should still have grown better and better and not worse Then that Scripture was terrible to me 2 Pet. 2. 29. If after they have escaped the pollutions of the World through the knowledge of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ they are again entangled therein and overcome their latter end is worse than their beginning And that Scripture Heb. 6. 4. It is impossible for those that were once enlightned and have tasted the good Word of God c. if they fall away to renew them again to repentance Also that Text Rev. 3. 15 16. Because thou art neither hot nor cold I will spew thee out of my mouth I was much sensible of my Backslidings fear'd I should turn Apostate Had not that sweet Promise interposed I will heal their backslidings and love them freely I had been certainly swallowed up in Despair Satan that roaring Lion came upon me very fiercely but that Scripture was very comfortable to me I will put my fear into their hearts and my spirit into their inward parts and they shall never depart from me And whom he loveth he loveth to the end And he that hath begun a good Work will perform it unto the day of Jesus Christ And faithful is he that hath called you who will also do it These and other Scriptures did support me but I could not attain to my former lively performance of holy Duties nor had I that Communion with God in holy Duties as formerly which was no small trouble to me and kept me from rejoicing in God Yet I cannot say but I had sometimes Assurance of God's Love but not constantly as I had before Then my Grandmother being sick I went to be with her at my Uncle's House He being a very good Man his Company was no small Comfort to me My Grandmother also being a very pious Woman was always speaking of what was good I enjoy'd much of God while I was there but yet was many times in fear about my Spiritual State and much troubled with the Temptations of Satan After I had been there a quarter of a Year it pleased the Lord to visit me with the Small Pox which was a very sore Disease to me I was brought so low as to be given over for dead by most if not all that saw me and once they thought I had been actually dead When I was first sick I began to be in great fear what would become of me if I should die but this Cloud was soon blown over and the Lord was pleased to shine upon me with the Light of his Countenance and speak Peace to my Conscience And when I was as weak as I think any could be and live yet had I then much inward Joy and Comfort the Promises were as Cordials to my fainting Spirits That Promise Isa 41. 10 did often refresh me Fear not for I am with thee be not dismayed for I am thy God I will strengthen thee I will help thee yea I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness That also Psal 73. 25. My flesh and my heart faileth but God is the strength of my heart and my portion for ever So Psal 43. 5. Why art thou cast down O my Soul Why art thou disquieted within me Hope thou in God for I shall yet praise him who is the health of my countenance and my God These and many other Promises were my Support in the Day of my Distress I had then such assurance of God's Goodness and Love to me and of the Pardon of my Sins and of my Interest in Christ that I longed for Death and could not bear the thoughts of living any longer I had such Fore-tastes of Heaven that I cared not for the Earth I earnestly desired to be dissolved and to be with Christ which is best of all I thought if I should live any longer I should but sin against God and that I could not glorifie him in my Life as I desired I thought if he should restore me I should not be enabled to walk answerably to so great a Mercy These and other such Reasons made me impatient of Life and long for Death I was angry with any that prayed for my Life I now fear that I did sin in being so desirous of Death and not submitting my Will to the Will of God to be at his Disposal whether for Death or Life So it pleased the Lord after a long and tedious Sickness to raise me up from the very Gates of Death This was looked upon as almost a Resurrection from the Dead for which great Deliverance I can never be sufficiently thankful And because I so much desired to die I did not prize my Life and this Deliverance as I should have done Neither did I render to the Lord according to the Mercy I received from him I desire now to be truly thankful to the Lord for all his Mercies and to shew forth my Thankfulness by walking more closely with him all the Days of my Life The following encouraging Considerations among others were collected by him out of several Books and Sermons and are printed from his own Papers in hope of being useful for the Support of others I. THOU that complainest of a hard Heart and fain wouldst mourn for thy Sins to thee I say be not discouraged thy Hardness feared and felt is not the Plague of Hardness It is the Disease indeed of the Heart but it is not the Curse it shall not destroy thee Thou may'st be comforted under Hardness felt and bewailed and pray'd against true Tenderness about Sin is always accompanied with dislike and hatred against Sin and with watching and striving against it if thou hast so much Tenderness bless God and be thankful II. There is no Instance can be given of a Soul utterly for saken of God that can mourn for the want of his Presence If God's Love be precious to thee and most desirable be
Righteousness is more satisfactory and pleasing unto God than all the Sinners Wickedness is injurious and displeasing to him O this is a very sweet and comfortable Consideration indeed There is no such Evil in Sin to damn thee as there is Merit in Christ's Blood to save thee IX To despair of Mercy is a greater Sin than all thy other Sins This makes thee like the Devil himself It is the Glory of Divine Grace to triumph over all the Sinner's Unworthiness Resolve therefore I will yet follow God tho' I have offended him come on me what will I know he is God and not Man who can help nay will help if I come unto him Isa 57. 16. I will not contend for ever nor be always wroth for the Spirit would fail before me and the Souls that I have made Isa 41. 17. When the poor and needy seek water and there is none and their tongue faileth for thirst I the Lord will hear them I the God of Israel will not forsake them When it comes to failing fainting sinking dying then comes help Be much in Prayer and hold on waiting God may make you seek and wait a long time aye but he will certainly come and that will make amends for all X. How shall one be willing to die that hath not a sense of God's Love I answer when we can see our Love to God tho' we cannot see God's Love to us What are the Actings of our Soul towards God when we can see no Love in his Dispensations towards us As that good Man under great Afflictions and Dissatisfaction about the Love of God at last breaks out If I did not love God why do I follow him and mourn after him If thou lovest God here is ground of Comfort thou couldst not love God if he did not first love thee It was a memorable Answer of Mr. Dod to a godly Minister that said to him a little before his Death What will you say to me who am going out of the World and can find no Comfort He replied What will you say to our Saviour that was going out of the World and found no Comfort but he cried out My God my God still This Speech much refreshed that godly Minister Others of God's Children have wanted sensible Comfort at their Death yet they have been able to act Faith and to say My God my God still Tho' God's sensible Presence is not still the same yet his Word and Promise is he speaks as comfortably in his Word as ever he cannot deny his own Word God sometimes withdraws Comfort that we may prize his Word more and depend more upon that You please and honour God most when you can venture your Souls on his bare Word and Promise A Faith of Recumbency on Christ in the want of Comfort doth more honour God than the highest Faith of Assurance Why should Death be a Terror to them that fear God none need to fear Death that are escaped from the Dominion of Sin and the Devil Can you say you do not love Christ and that you do love Sin then there is cause enough for fear but this were to bely the blessed Spirit The godly hath hope in his Death A hope of Life even at the Point of Death A godly Man's hope can never fail him he may want sensible Comfort but he doth hope still Death 't is a going to God and shall a godly Man be afraid of going to his God Again it is a Sleep a Rest are weary Men afraid of rheir Rest and of going to sleep If Death be an Enemy 't is a slain Enemy Christ hath been the Death of Death And why should that have Terror in it that hath no Life in it A godly Man is a real Gainer by Death He gains more by his Death than ever he got all his Life long viz. Happiness and Joy that shall never end Again tho' Death separates Relations here yet Death can never separate the godly Man's Soul and Body from Christ Both still continue united unto Christ They sleep in Jesus God is still their God and therefore let not the Saints of God be afraid of Death XI Psal 147. 11. The Lord taketh pleasure in them that fear him in them that hope in his mercy Then our Prayers please God when they are put up to him in Faith and hope of his Mercy Poor trembling Souls that meditute nothing but Terror little think how it would please God to see them to hope in his Mercy They are conscious to themselves how they have displeased God but hope in God's Mercy and he will take pleasure in thee They bring most Honour to God that are most admiring and magnifying of his Mercy His Heart is most set on Mercy in all the Manifestations of it Therefore let poor drooping Souls still maintain hope in the Mercy of God through Christ XII This is certain in every afflictive Providence to Believers there is more Mercy than Wrath nay 't is all Mercy in the Issue and not in revengeful Wrath but paternal Anger They have Supports under all sometimes they may be under desertion and no comforts of God come into their Souls they are ready to say Lord why casteth thou off my Soul But then they have this to support them they can love God and mourn after his Favour tho' he seems to be gone from them they can look after him and long for his Return and this is such an effect of Grace that is more worth than the whole World Sustentation saith Mr. Baines I thank God I have tho' Suavities I have none Sickness and Sorrow and Death that are the Fruits of Sin none can be exempted from but Grace doth this for Believers The Curse the Hurt the Venom of all is taken away they are Gainers by all 2 Cor. 4. 16. Tho' our outward man c. All works for their good Others have Comforts with a Curse but Believers have Crosses with a Blessing The Guilt of Sin the Grace of God in Christ doth quite take away from all Believers Heb. 8. 12. Pardoning Mercy clears the Soul of Guilt What Comfort is this to such that by the Grace of Justification through Christ they are in God's account righteous And upon the account of Christ their Righteousness they may come into God's Presence with as assured Welcome as Adam in Paradise or the Angels now in Heaven This thou may'st be assured of that Christ will not break the bruised Reed nor quench the smoaking Flax. Tho' thy Faith be so small that it yields not Light to others nor Heat to thy own Heart yet Christ discerns and accepts it But can a Man have the Exercise of Grace and not know it fear God and not discern it I answer Yes some Graces may then be acted and discerned by others as well as at any other time He may fear God as truly and as much as ever and yet his Grace may not have Light to discover it self to him It may have a Being and working in the Heart when it 's not clear in thy Apprehension XIII Hearken unto the Voice of God O poor doubting disconsolate Sinner Why dost thou pass Sentence against thy self Thou say'st O my Sins are very many Well but the Mercies of God are far more O but my Sins are very great True but the Meroies of God are far greater O but my Sins are of long continuance True but yet thy Sins are but Sins of Time his Mercies are the Mercies of Eternity O but my Sins are greater than you are aware of they are Crimson Scarlet Sins How great are they Are they as great as the Sins of Manasseh that was a Wizard that filled Jerusalem with Blood yet God pardoned him Are they greater than the Sins of Mary Magdalen out of whom were cast seven Devils and yet God had Mercy for her O but I fear the Stock of Mercy is quite spent No his Mercy endures for ever it is from everlasting to everlasting But I have exceedingly abused Mercy yet remember that tho thou hast sinn'd against his Mercy yet thou hast not sinned above his Mercy Isa 55. 8. My thoughts are not as your thoughts nor my ways as your ways as the heavens are above the earth so are my thoughts above your thoughts and my ways above your ways FINIS * My Honoured Friend Mr. Joshua Gearing Sen.
abounding of all Sin and Wickedness more and more The Lord enable me to do and suffer his Will and let me have his Presence and his Promise made good not to suffer me to be tempted above what he will inable me to bear 1 Cor. 10. 13. and that I may readily let all go for Christ if I am called to it The Lord grant I may be made meet to be Partaker of the Inheritance of the Saints in Light and get my Evidences for Heaven ready which through the Assistance and Help of God I desire to go about The Lord grant I may not be deceived but may gather such Evidences as will hold out and bear me up in the midst of Troubles and Trials yea in the Hour of Death and the Day of Judgment The Lord in infinite Mercy sanctifie to me the Death of others God hath of late taken away many of my Neighbours Acquaintance Friends and Relations Ministers as well as others a little while since Mr. Pledger and Mr. Wells in one Day O that all may be sanctified and especially the Death of my Wife that I may yet make such use of that Providence as the Lord would expect and be ready and prepared for my own Departure hence whensoever it shall please my dear God and Father to call me home Being now about to enter here what I have to shew for a Work of Grace in my Heart and a Right and Title to Heaven I desire of the Lord to help me in this great Affair that I may not be deceived but that what I here enter may be the true State of my Soul and that which will hold out and yield me Comfort in an Hour of Distress It hath been in my Thoughts several times to enquire what I had to shew for my Hope of Heaven that which ran most in my Mind was Faith and Repentance which upon diligent Search of my Heart I hope I have First For Faith If I have true Faith I shall certainly be saved so saith the holy Scriptures He that believes shall be saved Joh. 3. 16. For God so loved the World that he gave his only begotten Son that whosoeever believeth in him should not perish but have Everlasting Life Now Faith in Christ is described in the Assemblies Catechism to be a saving Grace whereby we receive and rest upon Christ alone for Salvation as he is offered to us in the Gospel which I hope I desire to do I hope I do most heartily desire to take Christ on his own Terms as King Priest and Prophet in all his Offices and am willing to be ruled by him as well as saved by him I hope I desire to rest upon Jesus Christ alone for Salvation and own no other Saviour but him I hope I have the Faith of Reliance to rest and center in Christ I hope I can with all my Soul throw my self upon the Mercy of God in Christ and if I perish to perish there trusting in him that I shall not perish Blessed be God! I am often lifting up my Heart to Christ O my dear Jesus Blessed Jesus on thee on thee alone I rest when I am in Fears and Doubts and Troubles I hope I desire to say with the Church In the Lord have I Righteousness and Strength Righteousness for Justification and Strength for Sanctification and the subduing of Sin I hope I desire to renounce any Trust in my own Righteousness and Duties and wholly to rely and rest upon Jesus Christ When I have performed any Duty I desire to own that I deserve Hell for the sinful Imperfections of it yea for the best Duty I can perform And to have my Trust only in the Death and Merits Satisfaction and Intercession of Christ Tho' Spiritual Pride is very apt to rise in me yet I hope I do not allow it the Lord set my Heart more against it I hope I desire with the Apostle Phil. 3. 9. to be found in him not having my own Righteousness which is of the Law but that which is through the Faith of Christ the Righteousness which is of God by Faith I hope Christ is precious to me now that is an Evidence of Faith 1 Pet. 2. 7. To you that believe he is precious I hope I desire to prize Christ above all the World and if I know my Heart I would not part with the Hopes I have by Christ of Heaven for ten thousand Worlds I hope I desire to prize Jesus Christ as the Chiefest of ten thousand altogether lovely The Lord make me upright in this Matter that I may see the Worth and Excellency that is in him so as to be in love with him Secondly For Repentance If I have that Grace I am sure to be saved Acts 3. 19. Repent ye therefore and be converted that your Sins may be blotted out when the Times of refreshing shall come from the Presence of the Lord. Luke 13. 3. Except ye repent ye shall all likewise perish therefore if we do repent we shall not perish Now Repentance is described to be a saving Grace whereby a Sinner out of the true sense of his Sin and apprehension of the Mercy of God in Christ doth with grief and hatred of his Sin turn from it unto God with full purpose of and endeavours after new Obedience I hope the Lord hath wrought this Repentance in me I hope he hath given me a true Sight and Sense of Sin and that I am convinced of the Evil and Danger of it I hope I have an apprehension also of the Mercy of God in Christ I do not at all doubt but there is Mercy enough in God through Christ to forgive and pardon the greatest Sins if they are repented of The Lord hath declared himself to be the Lord God gracious and merciful pardoning Iniquity Transgression and Sin Exod 34. 6. I hope I desire to be truly sorry for all my Sins to grieve and mourn for them tho' my Heart be hard yet I hope I could be glad if it were broken that I could mourn more for my Sins Surely it hath been a Trouble to me many times in Confession of Sin that I could not mourn and weep and was not affected as I desired I hope I desire to hate Sin also the Lord work a true Hatred of all Sin more and more in me I hope I desire to turn from all Sin unto God with full purpose of Heart to cleave to him I hope the Bent of my Soul is right for God tho' I have many Failings and Miscarriages I hope the full Purpose and Resolution of my Heart is for God and his Ways It being upon my Mind what I had further to note that might be an Evidence of Grace I hope these things following which it pleased God to bring to my Thoughts may be some ground to believe God hath wrought savingly upon me Surely I do confess my Sins often to the Lord in secret and desire to have my Heart penitently affected with them and
Mat. 7. 7. Psal 30. 18. Joh. 16. 24. Psal 84. 11. Isa 40. 27. Psal 27. 14. Lament 3. 24 25 26. Psal 147. 11. Psal 26. 3 4. Isa 50. 10. Isa 41. 10. Isa 43. 24 25. Isa 44. 22. 1 Joh. 1. 9. 1 Joh. 2. 1. Mark 1. 18 19. Rom. 6. 14. Ezek. 34. 6. Psal 103. 8 9. Job 17. 9. Prov. 4. 18. Phil. 1. 6. Joh. 10. 7. Rom. 16. 20. Heb. 4. 15. These Promises with many more was the Lord pleased to give me in the time of my Distress and Trouble of Spirit and I found them reviving Cordials O how welcome was a Promise to me When I have been ready to despair and to give up all for lost and had nothing to support me then did I take the Bible into my Hand and desire God to direct some sutable Promise to me and opening the Bible the first place I have cast mine Eye upon hath often been a precious and sutable Promise and hath been set home with such Power as wonderfully to comfort me Once being under great Fear and Terror I opened the Bible and the first place I fixed my Eye upon was Isa 54. 4. Fear not for thou shalt not be confounded nor put to shame thou shalt forget the Shame of thy Youth thy Maker is thy Husband the Lord of Hosts is his Name and thy Redeemer the Holy One of Israel the God of the whole Earth shall he be called for the Lord hath called thee as a Woman forsaken and grieved in Spirit c. For a small Moment have I forsaken thee but with great Mercy will I gather thee In a little Wrath I hid my Face for a moment but with everlasting Kindness will I have Mercy on thee saith the Lord thy Redeemer c. I was wonderfully affected in the reading these sweet Promises and took it as a Voice from Heaven to me because I had desired some such sutable Promise At another time being in great Trouble and fearing I should never hold out but be overcome by Sin and Satan I opened my Bible and the first place I fixed my Eye upon was Isa 41. 10. Fear not for I am with thee be not dismayed for I am thy God I will strengthen thee yea I will help thee yea will uphold thee with the right hand of my Righteousness I cannot express the Comfort I received by this sutable and seasonable Promise One Sabbath-Day Night being still followed with Temptations full of unbelieving Doubts and Fears I was much troubled about it that I who had received such great Mercies should have such vain Thoughts and be so full of Unbelief Notwithstanding the Experience I had of God's Goodness and Mercy to me and the Assurance I had before of his Love I was tempted to think that I was not elected and that therefore all I did was to no purpose and that I should never be saved This was a subtile and strong Temptation Satan did not only labour to drive me off from all Duty but to weaken my Faith and bring me to Despair But the Lord who had many times before wonderfully rescued me from the roaring Lion would not suffer me to be foiled by him but was pleased to present that Scripture to my Eye There is no Temptation has taken you but such as is common to Men and God is Faithful who will not suffer you to be tempted above what you are able but will with the Temptation make a way to escape that ye may be able to bear it At another time being greatly troubled with Unbelief that Place in the Revelations was terrible to me The Fearful and Unbelieving shall have their part in the Lake that burns with Fire and Brimstone which is the second Death This made me exceedingly affraid I thought if the Fearful and Unbelieving should perish then surely I should because I was so full of Fears and Doubts and Unbelief But the Lord did not leave me in this great Streight he would not suffer me to be overwhelmed with Sorrow but quickly directed me to a sutable and seasonable Scripture that was as comfortable as the other was terrible 2 Tim. 2. 13. If we believe not yet be abideth faithful he cannot deny himself This Promise was very sweet and sutable to my present Condition neither did I remember there was such a Place before These and many of the fore-named Promises were given me in my Trouble and Distress and the Lord enabled me by his Spirit to make Application of them to my own Soul for my Consolation Certainly I may say with David I had fainted unless I had believed to see the Goodness of the Lord in the Land of the Living The Sorrows of Death did compass me about and the Pains of Hell got hold upon me I found Trouble and Sorrow Then called I upon the Name of the Lord O Lord I beseech thee deliver my Soul Gracious is the Lord and righteous yea our God is merciful I was brought low and he helped me Return unto thy Rest O my Soul for the Lord hath dealt bountifully with thee In the multitude of my Thoughts within me thy Comforts delight my Soul In the Day when I cried thou answeredst me and strengthenedst me with Strength in my Soul Blessed be the Lord because he hath heard the Voice of my Supplication the Lord is my Strength and my Song my Heart trusted in him and I am helped If it had not been the Lord who had been on my side when Satan rose up against me he had surely swallowed me up The Lord has called me out of Darkness into his marvelous Light He hath plucked me as a Fire-brand out of Hell and set me in the way to Heaven So that I may say again and again Great is his Mercy towards me for he hath delivered my Soul from the lowest Hell But O! why is it that I am so little sensible of this great Deliverance How can I look back upon all this without admiring the Free Grace and undeserved Love of God towards such a worthless Worm as I who was an Enemy to him and a Rebel against him and had nothing in me but what deserved Hell O that ever the Lord should from Eternity elect and choose me to Salvation through Jesus Christ That God should pass by thousands and let them alone to perish in their Sins and cast a Look of Love upon me and when I was in my Blood say unto me Live That he should not only give his Son for me but to me That he should take me with the Prodigal from the Trough and with the Beggar from the Dunghil and make me an Heir of Glory When I read that Christ's Flock is but a little Flock and that strait is the Gate and narrow is the Way that leads to Life and few there be that find it I cannot but wonder that I should be in that Number And because I cannot sufficiently admire I will therefore adore my Good God But what Returns should I