then him we lost So it is said 2 Sam. 12.24 David comforted Bathsheba his wife and how did he comfort her he went in unto her and lay with her and she bare a Jedidiah a man beloved of the Lord. If we count it such a strange thing to die then it should seem it is an ordinary thing to live and so why should we not expect the new life of another But if it be no strange thing to die then as I have said already we may well be comforted Or if we should have no more yet this may be some comfort that then we shall have no more to mourn thus sadly for Yea suppose thou art the last of thy family and name as was the great Scaliger and Lipsius also another excellent Scholar it is no great matter seeing the world is not to last long If thy name must have an end what needest thou to trouble thy self when it ends And if men can think it no harm to suffer their name to die of it self as Scaliger did who would not marry why shouldst thou be troubled if thine perish after thou hast done what thou couldst for to preserve it But then if thou hadst never so many children Or when it is uncertain whether they or none at all be better yet who knows how they may prove If they should be bad then thou thy self wilt say that it had been better they had never been They that thou mournest for because they are dead might have given thee greater cause of mourning if they had lived If the death of a child be sad his wickedness would have been far sadder for that is a worser death He that dies doth trouble his parents but ouce but he that is bad is a perpetual torment to them He that is dead cannot indeed help his parents but then he doth not hurt them as many a bad one doth For those that are dead we only grieve we do not fear but for those that are bad we fear perpetually and we grieve also yea all the sorrow we now conceive at their death will not equal perhaps the meer fear which we should have had from their infancy lest their life should be bad It is said in the life of John the patriarch of Alexandria that a Merchant came to him to pray for a son of his that was at Sea that he might be safe Within a moneth the child dyed and his ship likewise was cast away And when he was much troubled at this double loss he thought one night that he saw the Patriarch standing by his bed and saying to him Thou desiredst me to pray that thy son might be safe and behold now he is safe for he is dead If he had lived wickedly in his future course then he could not have been safe And besides their badness suppose our children should have dyed of some infamous and base death this would have troubled us more then death it self Yea some there have been that have sought their parents death and what a trouble would this have been Some have slain their fathers and others their mothers and who was there left to mourn then If you be affrighted at these strange supposals which yet sometimes have had a real truth yet consider once more that if they had not been bad yet who knows what miseries they might have endured worse then death Can you tell what misfortunes might have befaln them which might have made them wish they had dyed sooner They are now dead perhaps they have that which afterward they might have desired and not so easily have obtained Who is there that desires any one should live unless it be in hopes that he shall enjoy more good then evil But how few are there to whom this happens unless it be a fool who knows not what evil and misery means One of the Gymnosophists answered Alexander when he askt whether death or life was stronger Life sure for that bears the most evils And suppose he that is dead should not have been miserable yet now he is gone if he might rise again it is likely he would not lest he should know again the fear and the pains of dying But it is the Death of our parents perhaps that we thus bewail Comforts against the death of parents they that brought us into the world are themselves gone out of it And what wonder is there in this If they had not been to go out what need would there have been of bringing us in If they were designed to stay alwayes then there had been no room for us They might more easily remember their mortality then we for there is no act that puts us more in mind of death then that whereby we give another life But it is but one of them it is likely that we have lost we may then love the other the more Or if both yet we have least reason to complain about their death of all others for both Nature and they themselves and we also would have them die before us We complain that people die when they are young and will we complain too when they die of old age then it seems we will have none die and cannot be contented unless they live alwayes Would they have been willing to have been left childless without you if not then they have their choice to go first Or are you so well in love with death that it would have been more acceptable to you to have gone before or are you so much in love with them that on that account you had rather have dyed then they Then know that your death would as much more have troubled them then theirs doth you as the love of parents to their children transcends the love of all children unto them It is very well then as it is It is not handsome neither to complain when we are forty or fifty years of age that our parents are dead for they could live no longer or if they could it would have been but a kind of death If we will not cease to complain when we are of age neither shall we ever cease when we grow older For as Cardan tells us a poor woman once came to his door to beg an alms and though she were seventy years of age yet she used this argument in her complaints that she was a poor fatherless and motherless creature and had none to take any care of her We need the less of their care when we can take care of our selves But perhaps they die before we are of age and can take care of our selves Then we are least sensible of their loss or if we are so considerate as to know that we may consider also such things as these There is none fatherless that hath God for his Father and he that hath not would be little better for his earthly parents If they were good let us follow their example and remember their Counsel If they were bad they would not have been true parents
all agree to put all the troubles and calamities of men into one heap on this De Consol ad Apollon condition that after every man had brought his and thrown them there then they should all come again and take every man an equal portion of them there would be a great many that now complain who would rather take up what they brought and go their ways contented with them And so Antimachus an Ancient Poet when his wife dyed whom he loved exceedingly he went and writ a Poem bearing her name wherein he reckoned up all the calamities that he could remember had befaln any in the world By this means he did deter himself from grief for how can one suffer the miseries which others endure if he cannot bear this light one of his own Fifthly It is better with us then with those of former times Let us compare our selves with the Ancient Christians Their children were snatcht out of their arms by the hands of tyrants They see their brains dasht out against the stones their friends were buried in fires or banished into strange places and they had no comforters left but God and themselves and their chiefest comfort was that they must shortly die the same death But notwithstanding all this and much more they did not take it heavily but 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 as Photius speaks They bare it all thankefully Epist 234. and blessed God who could tell how to govern the world beyond all the thoughts of men Let not us who suffer but common things weep with an extraordinary sorrow when they who suffered most unnatural deaths did bear it with more then natural courage They might have been allowed to have wept blood rather then we to shed tears And yet they rejoyced as if their friends had been offered in Sacrifice to God and we weep as if they had been put to some shameful torments for their crimes Shall we mourn more for the death of a friend then they for a butchery What arguments had they to comfort them which we have not What Scripture had they before their eyes to stay their tears which we read not If either of us have more to comfort us then the other it is we for we have their most excellent example And when I think of the Mother of the seven Brethren mentioned in the Macabees Mac. 2.7 she calls my thoughts back a little further then the times of Christ Did she wring her hands when she saw the skin of her son stead off from his head Did she cast any tears into the fire wherein another of them was fryed No she speaks as chearfully as if they were not stripping them of their skins but cloathing them with a royal robe She looks upon them not as if they lay upon a pan of coals but in a bridal bed She exhorted them being filled with a couragious spirit saying V. 21 22. I cannot tell how you came into my womb for I neither gave you breath nor life neither was it I that formed the members of every one of you But doubtless the Creator of the world who formed the generation of man and found out the beginning of all things will also of his own mercy give you breath and life again as you now regard not your own selves for his sake This marvellous woman as she is called v. 20. knew very well that she did not give them life and therefore why should she take so heavily their death She considered they were none of hers and why should not the owner take them She knew that she did not lose them but only restore them That life sometimes is not worth the having That unless God will have us live no wise man would desire to live That none gives any thing unto God though it be his own but he gives them something better And therefore she said Die my sons for that 's the way to live What poorness of spirit then is it that we cannot see a soul put off her cloaths without so much ado That a Jewish woman could see seven souls torn out of their body with more courage then a Christian man can see one soul quietly to depart and leave its lodging I would wish every one to save his tears till some other time when he may have some greater occasion for them If he will weep let it be when he sees the bodies of his children or friends so mangled as theirs were But if he would not weep out his eyes then let him weep soberly and not as if he were drunk with sorrow now After we have taken this course with our selves §. 7. IV. We must think with what reason we weep we shall be the more prepared to hearken unto reason And let us proceed from making comparisons to ask our selves some Questions and stay till they give a good answer Let us know of our selves why we are so sad and heavy Let us speak to our souls and say Tell me what is the matter what is the cause of all this grief thou art a rational creature what reason hast thou for all this sorrow Thou art not to be pittyed meerly for thy tears if thou canst cry without any cause Hideous things appear sometimes before us to affright us but they are the Chimera's of a childish imagination and not things really existent Let us bid fancy then to stand aside a while and let reason speak what it is that so troubles us Children cry who cannot speak and we are not much troubled at it because they cry for they know not what Unless we therefore can tell why we weep no body will pitty us because it is not weeping that we are to mind but the cause of mens weeping Let me then propose these questions to be answered some of which will discover that there is no cause of lamentation when our friends die And if there be no cause that the fountain of tears should run that is cause enough to stop it up I. For whose sake dost thou weep For the sake of him that 's dead or for thy own No cause of mourning for their sakes who are dead Not for him that is dead sure for we suppose him to be happy Is it reasonable to say Ah me what shall I do I have lost a dear friend that shall eat and drink no more Alas he shall never hunger again never be sick again never be vexed and troubled and which is more he shall never die again Yet this is the frantick language of our tears if we weep for the sake of him that is gone Suppose thy friend should come to thee and shake thee by the hand and say My good friend why dost thou lament and afflict thy soul I am gone to the Paradise of God a sight most beautiful to be beheld and more rare to be enjoyed To that Paradise am I flown where there is nothing but joy and triumph nothing but friendship and endless love There am
Every wise man intends some good to himself in what he doth and therefore unless sorrow will do us some good it is a foolish thing to indulge unto it But can any man that hath had his fill of it tell us what satisfaction it hath given him May we not put all our gains in our eyes as the Proverb is after they have wept so immoderately Doth any man say he is glad that he mourned so much Then he had best mourn again if there be so much gladness and profit in it Had we not better say with David concerning his child when it was dead I shall go to him but he shall not return to me I may bring my self in sorrow to my grave but I cannot bring him up from the dead I cannot water him with my tears as we do a dry plant that he may spring up again but I may easily drown my self and learn others by my example not to weep for me What I would not have them do for me why should I do it for another Why should I make my self miserable and make no body else the better The truth is if there were only no good in it it were the less matter but it doth us likewise not a little harm Though it will end of it self yet it may breed us no small trouble before it end This is all the comfort that such a man hath and it is a very poor one that if his grief do not kill him 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 c. Phot. Epist 234. it will kill it self But many an one hath grief destroyed many a body hath it distempered and given most mortal wounds also to the soul it self Many affections move the soul most vehemently but none more then grief which hath been the cause of madness in some as Plutarch hath observed and in others hath bred incurable diseases and made others to destroy themselves And this it may do either naturally for nothing eats the heart so much as grief nothing casts such a damp on the vital spirits as immoderate sorrows or else providentially by Gods anger who is displeased to see us so angry and repining and often inflicts worse things upon us then those which we causlesly make the matter of so doleful complaints Let us therefore cease that which brings such troubles before it cease it self and when it is ceased gives us a new sorrow to think that we should be so unreasonably sorrowfull We must write upon this as well as upon inordinate joyes Vanity of vanities all is vanity and vexation of Spirit And therefore let us not be troubled now lest we be troubled more afterward to consider how foolishly we were troubled The Fable of Niobe which tells how she turned her self with sorrow into a stone doth but signifie the stupidity and dulness that waits upon grief and the excessive melancholy into which it sometimes casts us which renders us as insensible as a stone Take heed how you grow in love with sadness for it hath no profit wherewithall to recompence your affection to it but pays your folly only with it self and such diseases as ordinarily use to accompany it And we should be the less in love with it because there are so many occasions of it in our lives We need not weep so much for the loss of one thing for we must expect continual losses The world is not such a place that we should take care to spend all our tears on one thing we shall have occasion enough for them if we have any mind to weeping Let us bestow therefore the less upon one because there are so many to sollicite our sorrows And if our souls be tender and apt to receive the impressions of dolefull things we have the more need to comfort our selves for every grief will but make us still more apt to grieve And besides what a folly is it thus to die with continual grief for him who if he did grieve to die his grief continued but a little while He died but once why should we die alwayes with grief He dyed that he might live why should we live only for to die It is certain we must die but of all deaths let us not die with grief and much less for grief about that which we see we cannot avoid our selves But let us be furthest of all from making our life a perpetual death and grieving for that which by grief we may so soon run our selves into IX Ask thy self again Weep no more for thy friend then thou wouldst have had him weep for thee Whether two friends do not think that one of them must die first Do we not see that in the common course of things one man goes before another to his grave Who then if it had been permitted to thy choice wouldst thou have appointed to be the leader unto the other Wouldst thou have given thy self the preheminence and resolved to have shewn him the way Then Death it seems is a good thing for if it were evil we can scarce believe thy self-love is so little as to wish it might be thy portion before another And if it be good then thou mayest soon satisfie the pretence of loving them better then thy self by being glad that they enjoy it before thy self Or wouldst thou have had both gone together and been enclosed in the same Coffin and interred in the same grave Then it seems it is no such great mattter to die as thou makest it seeing thou art so willing to die also And if it be no great matter for thee to live then no more was it unto him If the sorrow of living without him be greater then the sorrow of dying with him why then was not he desirous that thou shouldst die and why did he pray for thy life and health when he dyed And if he would not have thee to die also when he dyed why dost thou then live in a kind of death and enjoyest not thy self nor the pleasures of life Either resolve to die also or else to live as a man should do X. If his death be so sad thou wilt not be able to bear thy own Ask thy self How can I take my own death Certain it is that thou must die also but if thou canst not part with a friend how canst thou part with thy self How wilt thou endure that soul and body should be separated if thou canst not shake hands with another body distinct from thy self Are not they the most antient friends is not their union most strict and close Can two men cleave so together as thy soul embraces its companion What then wilt thou do then when their bonds shall be untied if thou canst not bear the rupture of lesser cords of love What wilt thou think when thy soul sits on thy lips and gives thy body a farewell kiss if thou canst not close the eyes of thy friend without so many tears Will thy soul mourn after thy body is dead as
thou dost now lament the death of thy friend Will it groan and sigh to think of the hole where its flesh lies Will it sigh to think that its old companion is then become the companion of worms If not then let it not groan so heavily for a less matter that is now befaln it If it will then why art thou troubled for thy friend and not for thy self to think how sad thou must one day be The fear of thy own death must more then equal thy sorrow for the death of another man And how canst thou have time to think of any thing else if thou dost fear it Or if thou dost not fear it how canst thou fall under thy sorrow who hast overcome so great a fear Dost thou intend to go crying out of the world If not then be not now dismayed at that which thou must bear so valiantly thy self Then do not mourn so much for the loss of anothers life which will but put self-love into a most piteous case when thou comest to yield up thy own Death is no strange thing as I have said for we must all die But then why should we mourn so much if it be such an usual thing If we do mourn excessively it is a sign we think not of the commonness of it and then how shall we take our own death seeing we think not of it Let us but comfort our selves upon solid grounds against our own departure and I will warrant you that shall cure all our other lamentations Let us but dare to die our selves and we shall not dare to cry so much for any mans death Isidore of Pelusium thinks that our Lib. 2. Epist 173. Saviour did not mourn for his friend Lazarus because he was dead for he knew that he was going to raise him from the dead but because he was to live again and to come from the haven where he was arrived back again into the waves and storm from the crown which he enjoyed to a new encounter with his enemies If thou dost not believe his interpretation yet dost thou believe the thing Dost thou seriously consider that the misery of this world is so great that we should rather weep that we are in it then that others are gone out of it Then I ask thee again whether when thou art dead and well thou wouldst willingly live again If not then thou knowest what to say to thy self concerning thy friends death If thou wouldst then it seems thou canst be contented with this grief and I will not go about to comfort thee seeing thou lovest life with all the miseries thou createst to thy self But the very truth is we are so sensible of our bodies and have so little feeling of our souls or divine things that it is ready to make us think we are not when our bodies are dead This makes death such a terrible thing This makes both our own and others death so heavy because it seems as if there were an extinction of us That which we feel not nor have any sense of within us it is as if it was not And therefore if we feel not heavenly things and perceive not that we have a soul we shall receive death as if it was the loss of our selves and then who can but be sad Let us live therefore in a sense of such things as may make us die willingly and think that we our selves are not lost and then we shall not think that we have lost our good friends nor lay their death so much to heart XI Ask thy self likewise Nor wilt thou be able to help others to bear their sorrows How wilt thou be able to comfort others if thou canst not comfort thy self It should seem by thy tears that thou art very ambitious of the name of a friend but if thou be not able to comfort thy friend what is he the better for thee and how didst thou deserve to have the friend which thou hast lost If thou art able or hast ever given any comfort unto others administer then the same cordials to thy self Why should not that satisfie thee which thou expectedest with so much reason should satisfie them What thou wouldst say to another if his friend was dead that say to thy self And if thou wouldst wonder that he should reject comfort then do not make thy self a wonder Didst thou never tell any man that it is a shame to be impatient when we can cure our selves that they suffer nothing but what God and nature have appointed that we must all expect such losses that no body knows whose turn is next Take then thy own counsel and be not such a Physitian as cannot cure himself at all Is thy distemper different from theirs are there not the same griefs and maladies in their mind Then the same medicine will cure thee that thou gavest to them Or if it would not cure them then thou wast much too blame that didst not seek a better both for them and thee Or is thine some strange loss the like to which never any suffered Then this may comfort thee that thou shalt never suffer the like again For it would be more strange if a thing that never comâ—s shall twice fall upon one man If it be so strange to thee then thy courage will be as strange to others If thou art drawn into an example of suffâ—rings then thou mayst render thy self an example to all of patience and contentedness And so Seneca saith of the Brother of Drusus that though Drusus dyed in the midst of his embraces and with his kisses warm upon his mouth thoug he dyed in the very height of his fortune with the most war-like Nations dead at his feet yet he not only put a measure to his own grief but taught all the Army how to be moderate also And indeed he could not have stopt the tears of others unless he had been of so brave a spirit as first to stop his own If thou art a friend therefore unto any let them all learn of thee how to be well satisfied Comfort thy self as thou hast comforted others or else as thou dost intend to comfort them And let it be seen by thy worthy behaviour toward thy self that thou art worthy to be a friend to another person XII Ask thy self again Death doth sometime befriend us Whether friends only be mortal Do none die but they that love us must not all our enemies and they that hate us die also Death then that makes thee sad may give thee comfort As it puts an end to some comforts so it is the common end of all miseries Though we may not wish for the death of any yet it is no harm to think that they must die who hate us and their rage shall not last for ever If nothing can cease their malignity yet death can It hath done us then no such wrong but what it can repay us with the same hand that did it Though we have now
and supports And as for brute creatures you see that they make a doleful noise for the loss of their young a very short while and then they remember it no more Some of the people of Cous if I forget not used at the age of seventy years either to kill their parents or pine them to death and to rejoyce much at it They thought that they had lived long enough and that it was both a misery to themselves and a great burden to their children to have them continue any longer The Caspians also and some of the people of old Spain had the like custom which we well can inhumane and barbarous But why cannot understanding teach us that which want of understanding taught them Why should Barbarism make them rejoyce at what they did themselves and Christianity make us sad at what is done by God and the order of things St. Hierome reports that in his time there was at Rome a man who had had twenty wives marryed to a woman who had had two and twenty husbands There was great expectations which of them should die first and when the man buryed her his neighbours crowned him with Lawrel and caused him to bear a bough of Palm in his hand in token of a victory at his wives funerals It seems that men can sport at death if they list and laugh at that which makes so many cry Why then cannot reason make us moderately sad to bear that which humor and fancy can make men not to lament at all Why cannot our Religion do more with us then the people or our friends who it is like can laugh us our of our sorrows If I have not said too much in this argument I have some confidence that I have not said too little And indeed I have said more then I first intended and so much that if any one have the patience to read it through me thinks the very length of the discourse should make them forget their sorrows and by thinking so long upon another thing they should not remember what they thought upon before One soul is scarce big enough to hold all these considerations and the thoughts of grief also Here are so many that they are able to thrust sorrow out of doors by their multitude if not by their strength and force And yet notwithstanding I must detain you a little longer before I give your thoughts leave to turn themselves to other things For I am of the mind that all these considerations will only asswage the grief and pricking of the wound but will not quite heal it and take away its putrefaction I shall therefore commend two or three things for the pressing out all the filthy matter for the closing of the sore and to make the soul perfectly whole and sound Be dead to all things and thou wilt not be offended that they die §. 8. I. It is not their death but the life of something else that troubles us Mortifie thy spirit to the world and all things that are in it and when thou hast left them it will be no wonder that they leave thee Think with thy self often that thy friends are dead that thou seest them carryed to the grave that thou beholdest worms crawling out of their eyes and mouth and try how thou art able to bear that thought Think that he or she that lies in thy bed by thy side is as cold as a stone think that thou embracest the carkass of thy dear friend and ask thy soul how it can brook it Think thus often and though thy soul may start at the first yet at last it will be patient That little sadness will banish and chase away all the greater that else would seize on thee hereafter There will be little to do when death comes if thou constantly dost this Thy soul will be so loose from them that thou wilt not give a shrike none will bear the strings crack when you are separated Death will not be a breaking of your society but a fair easie untying of it Nothing will happen to you but what you have looked for long before and you will be able to say This is not the first time that I have seen my dear friend dead Yea think with thy self that thou seest thy own body laid in the grave and that thou feelest thy self as cold as a clod of earth Think that thou art turned into rottenness and dirt and that thou art forgotten by thy neighbours If thy soul can endure these thoughts then why should it be troubled at the death of another This is a kind of death to be so separated from thy body in thy thoughts It is all one not to be in thy body and not to feel that thou art in it Raise thy mind then up toward heavenly things fix thy thoughts on God and the life to come think that thou seest thy self in heaven among the Saints of God and while thy soul is there it is not in thy body here below This kind of death differs from that which will be hereafter in this only that then thou wilt be more perfectly out of thy body But if there be no trouble in this separation which thou now makest even whilest thou art in it There will be far less trouble one would think quite to part with it and to get from it And the way to be dead to these earthly things We must not let false opinions live is to change our opinion of them and to see them to be what indeed they are empty and unsatisfying changeable and unconstant Of this I have spoken before in the former discourse but seeing it is a thing so great and fundamental to our contentment let me again present you with it We are the cause of our own grief by magnifying the things of the world to such a value that the loss of them shall be worth so many tears We think that they are happy who are rich and honourable though they be never so wicked and unskilful how to live 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 c. L. 1. cap. 19. We presently cry up a man for wise and what not who to use Arrianus his phrase is preferred by Caesar though it be but to be Groom of his close-stool And on the contrary we dispise vertue if it be in a thred-bare coat and count him a fool who is unfortunate No wonder then that we cry and whine like children when we lose any of these worldly things seeing we think our selves more happy then men in the enjoyment of them We think that we are undone when we part with that which we have such an high opinion of and there is no way to make us think that all is safe but by altering of that forlish opinion We expect what cannot be and will not be content with what may easily be We cannot make the things of this world to be still and quiet but may make our selves so and the way to that quietness
then they say who could endure to hear his groans how sad was it to see him in the agonies of death If he die and speak nothing then they say O if he might but have told us his mind if he had left us any remembrances it would have been some comfort If he did speak then they tell his speeches to every one and say O my sweet child or friend I shall never forget thy words Would you have me put out of my mind his dying speeches and so those sayings are a perpetual nourishment and food to their grief If he die on a sudden then they lament because he was snatch rather then went away If he dye of a lingring sickness then they say he was nothing but skin and bone a meer Anatomy never any creature endured so much as he did and so they are sad they know not for what for they would not have had him gone away so fast And indeed men never want some causes or pretences for their grief but the true reason is that they would not have had them to have dyed at all Let us therefore digest these considerations well and so proceed to the next which shall be this Let us consider well who it is for whom we make our lamentations Who is it I say §. 5. II. We must consider who the persons are that die that death hath taken away from us Perhaps it is an Infant a poor little weakling newly crept into the light And this hath the least of wonder in it of all other things that such a little spark of life should be blown out Comforts against the loss of children A greater wonder it is that it was not strangled in the gate of the womb A little while ago it had no life and it is now but as it then was We were once content without it why cannot we be content without it now It never loved us nor was capable to shew any affection to us and therefore we may the better part with it It was scarce tyed to our heart and therefore it need not make the strings crack It was not unwilling to go out of the world and if it had lived longer death would have been more against its will It hath lost no great matter for it knew not the benefits of life It hath cost us nothing and we have been at a small charge about it and therefore we have lost nothing neither but only it a coffin and a winding sheet If it could have known the miseries of living and it had been put to its choise very likely it would not have chosen for to live but to be what now it is It hath not blotted its soul by any sin nor deflowred the Virgin purity wherein it was born If it have any thing to complain of it is only this that it was born And therefore let us be content for it is better perhaps for it and not much the worse for us If we weep so much for an Infant what shall we do for a man either let us now let down the sluce or else expect that we shall then be drowned If he had lived to be a man it might have done as we do miserably bewail the death of its children And therefore either let us not bewail it or else think that it is happy that it lived not to be so miserable as we think our selves and both ways our grief will be cured But suppose it be a child of a larger growth Unreasonable to mourn for one when we have more whose death extorts these tears from us Yet it is but one and we may have many more remaining Shall we lose all the content of a great many because we suffer the wants of one If the life of this one would have pleased us so much then how joyful should we be in the life of four or five If it be such a grief to lose a child then let us be thankful that we lie not under the miserable grief of losing them all But if we cannot take this patiently then I doubt we shall run mad with impatience if God should take them all away We must learn to part with more by parting willingly with this one for all must die too Can he bear a stone weight who cannot endure the load of one pound and yet how justly may we fear that all the rest should shortly follow seeing we fret so much at Gods hand in this Suppose that this was the most goodly child yet not fairer sure then all the rest put together Or if he was most beautiful yet some of the others may be more wise If this had all our love then we may learn now how to divide our love equally and take pleasure in loving more If he loved us most then he would have wisht us if he had thought of it not to make our selves miserable by mourning for him Dion Chryst Orat. 30. So Charidemus said to his friends when he was a dying It is Gods will that I should die and there can nothing that is hurtful come from him I am very willing to die and I beseech you believe me in what I say for I have a greater care to speak truth now then any of you can have Grieve not for me for I grieve not do not make your selves miserable for I think not my self to be so 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 As much as ever you are able refrain from all sadness for no sad thing hath befaln me Thus we should say to our friends if we love them and therefore their love to us should not make us sad because they would have all they love to be chearful If they could tell us their mind they would certainly bid us cease our mourning and therefore let us do that our selves which they would have us for to do But let it be supposed that it is an only child Or when we may have more yet are there not many hopes that you may have more who gave you this cannot he give you another hath not he that hath the keyes of the grave the keyes of the womb also If one die then as long as the world lasts another shall be born And if we desire children for the good of the world then so they be born it is no matter by whom But if for our own sake then we may have them as well as others but grief I will assure you is not the way to get them Or if God will give us none then we may adopt one Any child will love us as if it was our own if it know not that it is any bodies else Nay any one will love and serve us for what we have and in stead of one we shall have many that will thank us more then he perhaps to be our heirs but if we have nothing then why should we desire children for to leave them miserable But as I said why should we not hope for more and those better
I where the head of us all is and where we enjoy the light of his most blessed face I would not live if I might again no not for the love of thee I have no such affection to thy society once most dear unto me that I would exchange my present company to hold commerce with thee But do thou rather come hither as soon as thou canst And bid thy friends that they mourn not for thee when thou dyest unless they would wish thee to be miserable again If we should have such a short converse with one of our acquaintance what should we think what should we say Should we fall a mourning and crying again would it open a new sluce for our tears to flow out would we pray him to go to heaven no more but stay with us would we entreate him to beg of God that he might come and comfort us If not then let us be well content unless we can give a better reason for our tears then our love to him Holcoth reports of a learned man In 4. sap v. 7. that was found dead in his Study with a Book before him A friend of his was exceedingly amazed at this sight when he first came into the room But when he looked a little further he found his fore-finger pointing at this place in the book of Wisdom c. 4. v. 7. 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 Though the just be prevented with death yet shall he be in rest And when he observed this he was as much comforted as he was before dejected We have no reason to lament them who are made immortal and that live with God If we respect them only we should carry them forth as the Aegyptians did the great Prophet of Isis when he dyed Heliod l. 7. Aethiop not with howlings and sorrow but with hymns and joy as being made an heir 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 with our Betters and gone to possess most glorious things The truth of it is if it were rational love to him that expresseth these tears then we should not begin them so soon nor make such a noise and cry when men are a dying For the sad countenances and the miserable lamentations wherewith we encompass sick mens beds make death seem more frightful to them then it is in it self What misery am I falling into may a man think that causes them to make such a moan What is this death that makes even them look so ghastly who are not like to die What a mischief is it to leave so many sad hearts behind me and to go my self it should seem by them to some sad and dismal place also I tell you a dying man had need have a double courage to look both death and them in the faces or else their indiscreet shrikes and lamentations will make a poor soul fall into such dark and cloudy thoughts Nor for our own sakes that are alive Men are fain therefore to say that it is indeed love to themselves that forces them thus to bemoan the death of their friends But what are you that cannot be contented one should be made much better by making of you a little worse Is this the great love you pretend to your friend that you are sorry he is gone to heaven are you a friend that look more at your own small benefit then at his great gain Was he not much beholden to you for your love that would have had him lived till you were dead that he might have been as miserable in mourning for you as you think now your selves to be But what is it I beseech you that you thus bemoan your selves for because that you are now miserable No it seems that you are not miserable enough and that makes you weep so much If you had some greater trouble befaln you that would put all your friends out of your mind If you were sick or in pains or had lost all your goods these things could take your mind off from this loss why then cannot the enjoyment of them When Joab did but threaten David that they all would leave him 2 Sam. 19.7 unless he would be comforted then he could wipe his face and appear in publick as a man well pleased Fear of losing his Kingdom put away the grief for the loss of his son And therefore let us not speak of our being miserable by this loss for at last we find it is not so Yea I must tell you that it is not meer self-love that begets these tears For suppose this person to have been at a great distance from us for some years Did we weep and mourn because he was not with us did not the meer thoughts that he lived comfort us was he not as good as dead when we neither saw nor felt nor heard him What help could he afford us at that distance and did we account our selves miserable all that time we are now as we were then in all things the same but only in the knowledge that he is dead But was he not dead as to us before did he do any thing for us at that time that he doth not now Let us be quiet then for the truth is it is not love to him nor love to our selves that makes us sometimes weep but a meer natural affection that stirs within us i. e. Men mourn oft-times they know not why but only it is natural so to do They think they are not as they were before They feel that there is something wanting as they imagine It is a thing of long acquaintance perhaps and so nature is loth to part with it Get a new nature then and that will mend all And yet it is not meer natural affection neither that makes us sad For we our selves shall soon forget it but the freshness and the presence of the object of our sadness Time will make us forget it or if our parents had dyed a little after we were born we should never have wept when we came of age to think that they were departed It is no hard matter then for a considerate person to cease his grief seeing it depends upon such small causes And if any one shall say that it is love to the good of the world that makes him mourn for the loss of an useful person He hath reason to rejoyce that he loves the good of men so much For then he will labour to do much good in the world himself and he will perswade all the friends he hath remaining that they would do all the good they can and repair that loss II. But let me further ask you Was thy friend Gods friend also Our friends if Good are not lost or was he not If he was the friend of God as well as a friend of thine why should not he have his company rather then thou If he was not Gods friend then he could not be thine neither No man can love us aright that doth not love God and if he do love God
could that one have mourned more for you all then every one of you do for him If you will weep weep only your part and do not weep as if there was none else to weep but your selves If a man that was not acquainted with the world should see ten or twenty or perhaps a greater number sitting in a room and miserably bemoaning of themselves would he not ask what Town was burnt or what family was dead that caused so many mourners How much then would he be astonished when he heard the Answer that you had lost a friend a child or some one of your other relations What are there so many tears due would he think from every one of these for one must so many be ready to die for the death of one can there be no comfort found among so many of you against the death of one single person Me thinks you should all of you together weep no more for the death of one then that one would have wept for you if you had been dead altogether Look therefore upon one another and say You are still left behind and I am left and here are twenty more of our friends alive how is it then that we are discontented as if we had not lost one but every one of us had lost one If there had been but one of us left what could he have done more then what every one of us doth could he shed more tears for the loss of us all could he make himself more sad then we now are Either let us say that one and ten are equal or let us not shed as many tears for one as we would for ten much less ten times as many tears as there would be for ten For but one would weep for ten and here ten that weep for one Divide your grief then and let every one bear a part but not the whole for that is as if you had none to bear it with you V. Ask thy self Or if we have not God is still ours who rules the world and not we Who is it that governs the world Is it the will of God or thy will that thou prayest may be done Shall not he that made a thing have leave to dispose of it as he thinks good By what law is it that he shall not do what he pleases with his own Must we have our wills in all things and must not he have his will also must not he be pleased as well as we If we think it so reasonable to have what we will then it is more reasonable that he should have what he wills Now if our will and his will cannot stand together which shall bend and submit themselves to the other Is not his will most wise If he had considered better would he have done otherwise could we have told him what would be most fit for us If we had been of his Counsel should not this friend have been taken away Doth he will things because he will Perhaps there is no reason at all for our wills and we are in love with a thing we know not why shall we think that he is so in like manner Or if we have any reasons are not his better We would have the life of a child that he may be a comfort unto us God will have us to part with him that he may be our only comfort We should chuse his life that he might enjoy the things that we have got But God thinks fit that he should die that we may put our estates to better uses whereby we are assured he may be more glorified Or perhaps we desire our children may live for Gods glory sake that they may honour and serve him in the world but cannot he tell what is best for his own glory is he so careless of that as to take away the things without which he cannot be served Let us then cease our complaints unless we would have him to let us govern the World But he was taken away will some say before his time else I should be content I shall answer this as Photius doth Epist 234. 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 Let me hear no such word I beseech you a word too bold to be spoken and more bold to be thought Before the time do you say Then why was he not thought to come before the time when he came out of his mothers womb There is no reason for it but this that it was the will and pleasure of God that he should be born at such a time And must God appoint the time of his birth and we set the time of his death Did the Workman give him a being in good time and take him to himself not knowing the fittest time From a drop he made him to become a lump of flesh He formed the flesh into parts he brought him into the light and he kept him in his infancy and childhood Was any of these out of due time why then only should it be out of season when he translated him to another life Let us do therefore as David did who prayed and wept as long as he could hope the decree of God was not absolute concerning his childs death but when he saw that it was irreversible he comforted himself Let us alway say as Job doth The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away and blessed be the Name of the Lord. And let this be further considered to the enforcing of this truth that if the will of the Lord must be born then it must be done And his will is that we should take all things patiently yea cheerfully from his hands And therefore if we mourn immoderately what do we but only add sin unto our pain As there is a time to laugh so there is a time to weep but there is no more time to weep superfluously then there is to laugh idly and profusely Both in the one and in the other we must be wholly subject to the will of God But that will of God as I said is very wise in every thing and therefore he intends to make us laugh by this mourning and by every sad thing that doth befall us to make our hearts glad He alwayes gives something better then he takes away if we would but seek after it and oft-times he takes one thing away that we may seek after the better But alas our blindness is so great that we value not that which brings us profit unless it be sweet to our tast We let our passion judge and not our reason and therefore we think there is no good in a bitter cup and no danger in a pleasant draught We lament and mourn when we ought to think our selves great gainers and we rejoyce and leap when perhaps a cross of the greatest burden hath befaln us Let us stay a while therefore and expect the end of things before we mourn And let us but desire to be cured rather then pleased to have our souls amended rather then our fancy
no friend yet shortly we may have no enemy neither This was one support to the Christians under their persecutions that though their enemies like Saul did breath out nothing but threatnings and slaughters against them yet their breath was but in their nostrils and might soon evaporate and vanish away Julian called the Apostate had done more hurt to the Christians then the ten Persecutions if death had not suddenly wounded him with one of his arrows The Marian flames had devoured in all likelihood a great many moâ—e bodies if death had not shortnâ—d her reign and so extinguished the fires We have no reason then to look upon it as unkind which may do us so many courtesies nor to accuse that of cruelty to us which destroys the cruelty of others towards us XIII And now may you not well make one question more to your selves and say Contentment hath more to say for it self then grief hath Is there not more reason to be comforted then there is to be sad If there be as certainly there is what should hinder your comfort if you live by reason If you do not live by it then nothing that a man can say will comfort you Nothing will chear us unless we think of it and make it our own by meditation neither will any thing sadden us unless we think of it also Seeing then they are our own thoughts that make us either sad or merry and we have more comfortable thoughts then heavy we cannot but be of good chear if we will not be enemies to our selves All that we can say for our sadness is that we have lost a friend a very dear and perhaps only friend But you have heard that there are more in the world and that you have not lost this and that you have more comforts remaining then are taken away and that if you had none but God you had enough and if you will read again what hath been said twenty other reasons will offer themselves to chear for one that arises to make you sad If there was no reason at all to be sad then none need spend any time in giving of comfort But if they be very few in compare with others and we are made to follow the most and strongest reasons then he is not to be pittied who notwithstanding the small reason of his sorrow will not be of good comfort The greatest cause that I know of this sort of trouble is when many that we love die soon after one another So it hapned to that Prince which the L. L. 1. Essay cap. 2. Mountainge speaks of who received the news of his Elder Brothers death whom he highly esteemed with a great deal of constancy and shortly after the tidings of his younger Brothers decease in whom he placed much hope did not alter the smoothness of his countenance But when one of his servants dyed not long after that he suffered himself to be so far transsported that he quitted his former resolution and gave up himself to all grief and sorrow The reason of this was not from the love that he bare to this person more then the rest but as he well saith because being top full of sorrow before the next flood must needs break the banks or overflow all the bounds of patience And so Hier. Cardan tells us In Dialog cui tit Guilielmus that after he had patiently born many reproaches and the cruel infamous death of a son of great hopes and the dangerous sickness of another son and the death of his parents and wife with many other evils yea and after he wrote a book of Consolation against all these evils yet he was overcome with grief at the death of an English youth whom he brought from Dover with him as he passed from Scotland in the time of Edward the sixth And he gives the same reason for it that the other doth Fatigatum multis adversis oppressit me haec extrema infaelicitas being wearied before with many griefs this last unhappiness made me fall to the ground It was not its strength but his own fore-going weaknesse that made him fall It was not heavy but it came upon the back of many other loads and so oppressed him But something hath been said to this also For holy Job was in the same condition and far worse one messenger did tread upon the heels of another to bring him tidings of his misery and yet he was patient though he himself likewise was in his own body most sadly afflicted We have the same grounds of comfort that he had and abundance more then was known in those younger times And when one cause of trouble falls upon the neck of another we can add one reason likewise unto another and so be comforted For our troubles can never be so many as the causes of our consolation are Yea one single reason of those that I have propounded will answer all Do we not know very well that all friends are mortal Then it can be no new thing if we well consider it for two or three to die after we have lost one But the loss of one doth rather mind us of the mortality of all And doth not God govern the world in the death of the last as well as of the first then there is no less wisdom and goodness in it when many die then when one He that can solidly comfort himself in the death of one will not be immoderately troubled for the loss of more If we let our grief indeed work under-ground while nothing of it appears if our hearts be loaded with it though our eyes look not heavily before others then it is no wonder if it do at last break forth when the heart is over-charged and can find no other way to ease it self But if we take a course to comfort our hearts at the very first and make them truly contented or if we let not the grief settle it self but labour to dislodge it then we shall be the better disposed to bear such another cross with the like patience For then a new trouble doth not come upon the other but only follows after it It doth not adde to the former but only comes in its stead it doth not augment but only renew our grief XIV And now is it not time to conclude these questions and to say to your selves We should not be the more troubled because we understand our trouble Why should not reason do that which little or no reason can do The more we are men shall we be the less in peace and cry like children Nay children weep while they see their parents put into the grave and within a day or two they forget their sorrows why cannot we do so also Though they know not their loss yet they know not the reasons neither why they should not be discontented for their loss Though they have little understanding of their sufferings yet they have as little knowledge of our comforts
our hearts The hands as Ant. Guevara observes do work the seet do walk the tongue speaks but it is the heart only that weeps The eyes are but the spunges of the heart through which its affections are drained and dried up An afflicted heart hath neither hands to labour nor feet to walk nor can it find a tongue to speak but tears are all that it hath to tell you what it wants And therefore we ought to reserve these for some greater thing then our dead friends which our heart ought much to be affected withall As our Saviour said to the women of Jerusalem when he was going to the most cruel sufferings so might our friends say to us when they are a dying Weep not for us but weep for your selves if you be dead while you are alive Mourn more then you do if you have not yet mourned for your sins and amended them But if you have then rejoyce in the favour of God and bless him for his Son Jesus who is better to thee then ten Sons or all thy friends which thou lamentest Are our sins dead as well as our friends have we buried them in the grave of our Lord are we risen again to an heavenly life let us go then to God and pray to him and praise him and this will give us ease But if we be troubled for sin then sure we shall not add another sin by immoderate sorrow and forgetfulness of Gods goodness If it be sin we hate then mourning complaints and discontents must all be hated Would you indispose your self to pray to praise God and meditate in his sacred Word Would you render your self unfit to receive the Sacrament of his most blessed body and blood If not then mourn but so much as will not hinder any of these and you have leave to mourn as much as you please Stop but here and there is no man will lay any restraints upon you But then how short your mourning must be you will soon guess and the Sun must not go down upon your grief no more then it must upon your wrath But if you take no great care whether you disturb your souls or no then you have most reason to mourn for that carelesness and neglect Go then and bewail your unkindness to God your unthankfulness for his mercies and unbelief of his Gospel for you can never take your hearts in a better time then when they are so sad and inclined to be sorrowful Tell them that now they are very well disposed for a necessary business and bid them look if there be not something else to bewail that is more considerable Ask thy self hast thou not deserved this and ten times more Wilt thou add another sin when thou shouldst cease all sins Hast thou not been careless of seeking God Hast thou not foolishly wasted thy precious time and art thou not troubled at all for that Yea art thou now impatient as if God dealt hardly with thee and wilt thou spend more time badly when thou art taught by the death of thy friend how short it is It is most incongruous thus to bewail the death of a child or acquaintance when thou art like to die thy self both body and soul And when thou hast mourned for thy sins thou wilt be taught thereby how little thou oughtest to mourn for thy losses For even our tears for sin must not be immoderate and therefore much less must we dare to let them flow in abundance for our losses So you know the great Apostle commands the Corinthians to comfort him that had been guilty of a great sin and receive him again into the Church now that he repented lest perhaps such an one should be swallowed up with overmuch sorrow 2 Corinth 2.7 I wish all those who are ready to destroy themselves with grief would seriously confider this that we may not over-load our hearts with grief for our sins themselves which are the causes of all other sorrows We cannot please the Devil better then by discontent He would fain oppress every good man with some passion or other let us take heed how we joyn with him against our selves If we have left his service that is enough to provoke him If we have bid defiance to his pleasures this doth incense him and we must expect that he will endeavour to overcome us with griefs The Devil is mad against all good men and therefore let all those who have irritated him against them beware how they now prove cowards and execute his vengeance for him with their own hands Let us take heed as Photius excellently expresseth it lest we be good at stirring up and provoking the envy and rage of our adversary but naught at resisting and overcoming him by patience and perseverance to the end 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 But if we must needs weep for the loss of something here let it be for the afflictions of the people of God Let us mourn to see the Church sit like a widdow in her black garments Let it pitty us to see the blood of Gods servants shed like water upon the ground If our own sins do not trouble us let us weep to see the wickedness of the world and let our eyes run down with tears to think that men do not keep Gods Law Some such channel we should cut for our tears and not let them spend themselves on this fashion about our own personal troubles This is a method both to stop our tears and likewise to make them useful to us while they run It is a way to ease us of our present grief and of all others also We shall exchange that sorrow that would have troubled us for a great deal of joy and comfort Whereas our worldly grief would have left the heart sad this will leave it light and merry Believe throughly that the Lord Jesus lives III. The life of our Lord Jesus gives us the greatest comfort against death and so thou maist both expect a resurrection from the dead and likewise hope for comfort from him when thou art left sad and desolate The Body it self doth not die any more then corn doth which dies that it may live and spring up again with large gain and advantage Are we loth to throw the corn into the ground and do we not patiently expect till the harvest comes Why should we then bury our friends with so many tears seeing they are but laid in the womb of their mother again that by the power of God they may have a better birth The Heathen could say much to comfort themselves but they knew not this comfort for indeed they were rather contented then comforted Those that did think themselves most wise and judged that they had the best supports did only dream that the soul might take another body and shift its place at several times But we know that there will be a time when even our scattered ashes will fly into one anothers embraces again and a new life