ought to do when we think we suffer ill Is God more unkind to us than to any of our neighbours Do not we see that many of our neighbours children are dead as well as ours Many of them have lost four or five and we have lost but one Nay many of them never had any and yet they do not therefore mourn and besmear their faces with tears and break their hearts with sighs Our case is the very same now that we have none but only that it is a little better because we had once some And how thankfull should we be that we had them so long if it be desirable to have them at all But then we may say further to our selves How many of them have lost their friends in the late Wars How many hath the sword made Widdows and the blood of how many of their children hath it drunk Ours were taken away by the hand of God but theirs were taken away by the hands of men Our friends dyed in their beds and theirs dyed in the field Ours went and theirs were driven out of the world Come let us go comfort our neighbours that have lost more than we for they stand more in need of comfort If they stand in need of none then no more do we It was very handsomely discoursed by Socrates as Plutarch relates That if we could all agree to put all the troubles and calamities of men into one heap De Consol ad Apollon on this condition that after every man had brought his and thrown them there then they should all come again and take every man an equall portion of them there would be a great many that now complain who would rather take up what they brought and go their ways contented with them And so Antimachus an Ancient Poet when his Wife dyed whom he loved exceedingly he went and writ a Poem bearing her name wherein he reckoned up all the calamities that he could remember had befaln any in the world By this means he did deter himself from grief for how can one suffer the miseries which others endure if he cannot bear this light one of his own It is better with us than with those of former times Fifthly Let us compare our selves with the Ancient Christians Their children were snatcht out of their arms by the hands of Tyrants They see their brains dasht out against the stones their friends were buried in fires or banished into strange places and they had no comforters left but God and themselves and their chiefest comfort was that they must shortly die the same death But notwithstanding all this and much more they did not take it heavily but 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 as Photius speaks They bare it all thankfully Epist 234. and blessed God who could tell how to govern the world beyond all the thoughts of men Let not us who suffer but common things weep with an extraordinary sorrow when they who suffered most unnaturall deaths did bear it with more than naturall courage They might have been allowed to have wept blood rather than we to shed tears And yet they rejoyced as if their friends had been offered in Sacrifice to God and we weep as if they had been put to some shamefull torments for their crimes Shall we mourn more for the death of a friend than they for a butchery What arguments had they to comfort them which we have not What Scripture had they before their eyes to stay their tears which we read not If either of us have more to comfort us than the other it is we for we have their most excellent example And when I think of the Mother of the seven Brethren mentioned in the Maccabees Mac. 2.7 she calls my thoughts back a little further than the times of Christ Did she wring her hands when she saw the skin of her son flead off from his head Did she cast any tears into the fire wherein another of them was fryed No she speaks as chearfully as if they were not stripping them of their skins but cloathing them with a royall robe She looks upon them not as if they lay upon a pan of coals but in a bridal bed She exhorted them being filled with a couragious spirit saying V. 21 22. I cannot tell how you came into my Womb for I neither gave you breath nor life neither was it I that formed the members of every one of you But doubtless the Creator of the world who formed the generation of man and found out the beginning of all things will also of his own mercy give you breath and life again as you now regard not your own selves for his sake This marvellous woman as she is called v. 20. knew very well that she did not give them life and therefore why should she take so heavily their death She considered they were none of hers and why should not the owner take them She knew that she did not lose them but only restore them That life sometimes is not worth the having That unless God will have us live no wise man would desire to live That none gives any thing unto God though it be his own but he gives them something better And therefore she said Die my sons for that 's the way to live What poorness of spirit then is it that we cannot see a soul put off her cloaths without so much ado That a Jewish woman could see seven souls torn out of their body with more courage than a Christian man can see one soul quietly depart and leave its lodging I would wish every one to save his tears till some other time when he may have some greater occasion for them If he will weep much let it be when he sees the bodies of his children or friends so mangled as theirs were But if he would not weep out his eyes then let him weep soberly and not as if he were drunk with sorrow now SECT VII Several reasons are given against immoderate sorrow which are comprised in 14. Questions which we should make to our selves The reason and spirit of them you may see in the Margin at the beginning of every particular IV. We must think with what reason we weep AFter we have taken this course with our selves we shall be the more prepared to hearken unto reason And let us proceed from making comparisons to ask our selves some Questions and stay till they give a good answer Let us know of our selves why we are so sad and heavy Let us speak to our souls and say Tell me what is the matter What is the cause of all this grief Thou art a rational creature what reason hast thou for all this sorrow Thou art not to be pityed meerly for thy tears if thou canst cry without any cause Hideous things appear sometimes before us to affright us but they are the Chimera's of a childish imagination and not things really existent Let us bid fancy then to stand aside a while
apt to grieve And besides what a folly is it thus to die with continual grief for him who if he did grieve to die his grief continued but a little while He died but once why should we die alwaies It is certain we must die but of all deaths let us not die with grief and much less for grief about that which we see we cannot avoid our selves But let us be furthest of all from making our life a perpetual death and grieving for that which by grief we may so soon run our selves into Weep no more for thy friend than thou wouldst have had him weep for thee IX Ask thy self again Whether two friends do not think that one of them must die first Do we not see that in the common course of things one man goes before another to his grave Who then if it had been permitted to thy choice wouldst thou have appointed to be the leader unto the other Wouldst thou have given thy self the preheminence and resolved to have shewn him the way Then death it seems is a good thing for if it were evil we can scarce believe thy self-love is so little as to wish it might be thy portion before another And if it be good then thou maiest soon satisfie the pretence of loving them better than thy self by being glad that they enjoy it before thy self Or wouldst thou have had both gone together and been enclosed in the same Coffin and interred in the same grave Then it seems it is no such great matter to die as thou makest it seeing thou art so willing to die also And if it be no great matter for thee to live then no more was it unto him If the sorrow of living without him be greater than the sorrow of dying with him why then was not he desirous that thou shouldst die And why did he pray for thy life and health when he died And if he would not have thee to die also when he died why dost thou then live in a kind of death and enjoyest not thy self nor the pleasures of life Either resolve to die also or else to live as a man should do If his death be so sad thou wilt not be able to bear thy own X. Ask thy self How can I take my own death Certain it is that thou must die also but if thou canst not part with a friend how canst thou part with thy self How wilt thou endure that soul and body should be separated if thou canst not shake hands with another body distinct from thine Are not they the most ancient friends Is not their union most strict and close Can two men cleave so together as thy soul embraces its companion What then wilt thou do when their bonds shall be untied if thou canst not bear the rupture of lessr cords of love What wilt thou think when thy soul sits on thy lips and give thy body a farewell kiss if thou canst not close the eyes of thy friend without so many tears Will thy soul mourn after thy body is dead as thou dost now lament the death of thy friend Will it groan and sigh to think of the hole where its flesh lies Will it sight to think that its old companion is then become the companion of worms If not then let it not groan so heavily for a less matter that is now befaln it If it will then why art thou troubled for thy friend and not for thy own self to think how sad thou must one day be The fear of thy own death must more than equall thy sorrow for the death of another man And how canst thou have time to think of any thing else if thou dost fear it Or if thou dost not fear it how canst thou fall under thy sorrow who hast overcome so great a sear Dost thou intend to go crying out of the World If not then be not now dismayed at that which thou must bear so valiantly thy self Then do not mourn so much for the loss of anothers life which will but put self-love into a most piteous case when thou comest to yield up thy own Death is no strange thing as I have said for we must all die But then why should we mourn so much if it be such an usuall thing If we mourn excessively it is a sign we think not of the commonness of it and then how shall we take our own death seeing it is such a stranger to our thoughts Let us but comfort our selves upon solid grounds against our own departure and I will warrant you that shall cure all our other lamentations Let us but dare to die our selves and we shall not dare to cry so much for any mans death Isidore of Pelusium thinks that our Saviour Lib. 23 Epist 173. did not mourn for his friend Lazarus because he was dead for he knew that he was going to raise him from the dead but because he was to live again And to come from the haven where he was arrived back again into the waves and storms from the crown which he enjoyed to a new encounter with his enemies If thou dost not believe his interpretation yet dost thou believe the thing Dost thou seriously consider that the misery of this world is so great that we should rather weep that we are in it than that others are gone out of it Then I ask thee again whether when thou art dead and well thou wouldst willingly live again If not then thou knowest what to say to thy self concernning thy friends death If thou wouldst then it seems thou canst be contented with this grief and I will not go about to comfort thee seeing thou lovest life with all the miseries thou createst to thy self But the very truth is we are so sensible of our bodies and have so little feeling of our souls or divine things that it is ready to make us think we are not when our bodies are dead This makes death such a terrible thing this makes both our own and others death so heavy because it seems as if there were an extinction of us That which we feel not nor have any sense of within us is as if it was not And therefore if we feel not heavenly things and perceive not that we have a soul we shall receive death as if it was the loss of our selves and then who can but be sad Let us live therefore in a sense of such things as may make us die willingly and think that we our selves are not lost and then we shall not think that we have lost our good friends nor lay their death so much to heart Nor wilt thou be able to help others to bear their sorrows XI Ask thy self likewise How wilt thou be able to comfort others if thou canst not comfort thy self It should seem by thy tears that thou art very ambitious of the name of a friend but if thou be not able to comfort thy friend what is he the better for thee And
Fatigatum multis adversis oppressit me haec extrema infaelicitas being wearied before with many griefs this last unhappiness made me fall to the ground It was not its strength but his own fore-going weakness that made him fall It was not heavy but it came upon the back of many other loads and so oppressed him But something had been said to this also For holy Job was in the same condition and far worse one messenger did tread upon the heels of an other to bring him tidings of his misery and yet he was patient though he himself likewise was in his own body most sadly afflicted We have the same grounds of comfort that he had and abundance more than was known in those younger times And when one cause of trouble falls upon the neck of another we can add one reason likewise unto another and so be comforted For our troubles can never be so many as the causes of our consolation are Yea one single reason of those that I have propounded will answer all Do we not know very well that all friends are mortal Then it can be no new thing if we well consider it for two or three to die after we have lost one But the loss of one doth rather mind us of the mortality of all And doth not God govern the world in the death of the last as well as of the first Then there is no less wisdom and goodness in it when many die than when one He that can solidly comfort himself in the death of one will not be immoderately troubled for the loss of more If we let our grief indeed work under-ground while nothing of it appears if our hearts be loaded with it though our eyes look not heavily before others then it is no wonder if it do at last break forth When the heart is over-charged and can find no other way to ease it self But if we take a course to comfort our hearts at the very first and make them truly contented or if we let not the grief settle it self but labour to dislodge it then we shall be the better disposed to bear such another cross with the like patience For then a new trouble doth not come upon the other but only follows after it it doth not add to the former but only comes in its stead it doth not augment but only renew our grief We should not be the more troubled because we understand our trouble XIV And now is it not time to conclude these questions and to say to your selves Why should not reason do that which little or no reason can do The more we are men shall we be the less in peace and cry like children Nay children weep while they see their Parents put into the Grave and within a day or two they forget their sorrows why cannot we do so also Though they know not their loss yet they know not the reasons neither why they should not be discontented for their loss Though they have little understanding of their sufferings yet they have as little knowledge of our comforts and supports And as for brute creatures you see that they make a doleful noise for the loss of their young a very short while and then they remember it no more Some of the people of Cous if I forget not used at the age of seventy years either to kill their Parents or pine them to death and to rejoyce much at it They though that they had lived long enough and that it was both a misery to themselves and a great burden to their children to have them continue any longer The Caspians also and some of the people of old Spain had the like custom which we well call inhumane and barbarous But why cannot understanding teach us that which want of understanding taught them Why should Barbarism make them rejoyce at what they did themselves and Christianity make us sad at what is done by God and the order of things St. Hierome reports that in his time there was at Rome a man who had had twenty Wives marryed to a woman who had had two and twenty Husbands There was great expectations which of them should die first and when the man buried her his neighbours crowned him with Lawrel and caused him to bear a bough of Palm in his hand in token of a Victory at his wives funerals It seems that men can sport at death if they list and laugh at that which makes so many cry Why then cannot reason make us moderately sad to bear that which humour and fancy can make men not to lament at all Why cannot our Religion do more with us than the people or our friends who it is like can laugh us sometimes out of our sorrows If I have not said too much in this argument I have some confidence that I have not said too little And indeed I have said more than I first intended and so much that if any have the patience to read it through me thinks the very length of the discourse should make them forget their sorrows and by thinking so long upon another thing they should not remember what they thought upon before One soul is scarce big enough to hold all these considerations and the thoughts of grief also Here are so many that they are able to thrust sorrow out of doors by their multitude if not by their strength and force And yet notwithstanding I must detain you a little longer before I give your thoughts leave to turn themselves to other things For I am of the mind that all these considerations will only asswage the grief and pricking of the wound but will not quite heal it and take away its putrefaction I shall therefore commend two or three things for the pressing out all the filthy matter for the closing of the sore and to make the soul perfectly whole and sound SECT VIII Some other things are proposed for the perfect cure of the soul The first of which is deadness to the world and the casting out false opinions The second is the changing of our sorrow into another kind The third is the Life of our Lord Jesus I. It is not their death but the life of something else that troubles us BE dead to all things and thou wilt not be offended that they die Mortifie thy spirit to the world and all things that are in it and when thou hast left them it will seem no wonder that they leave thee Think with thy self often that thy friends are dead that thou seest them carryed to the grave that thou beholdest worms crawling out of their eyes and mouth and try how thou art able to bear that thought Think that he or she that lies in thy bed by thy side is as cold as a stone think that thou embracest the carkass of thy dear friend and ask thy soul how it can brook it Think thus often and though thy soul may start at the first yet at last it will be
sacred Word Would you render your self unfit to receive the Sacrament of his most blessed body and blood If not then mourn but so much as will not hinder any of these and you have leave to mourn as much as you please Stop but here and there is no man will lay any restraints upon you But then how short your mourning must be you will soon guess and the Sun must not go down upon your grief no more than it must upon your wrath But if you take no great care whether you disturb your souls or no then you have most reason to mourn for that carelesness and neglect Go then and bewail your unkindness to God your unthankfulness for his mercies and unbelief of his Gospel for you can never take your hearts in a better time than when they are so sad and inclined to be sorrowfull Tell them that now they are very well disposed for a necessary business and bid them look if there be not something else to bewail that is more considerable Ask thy self hast thou not deserved this and ten times more Wilt thou add another sin when thou shouldst cease all sins Hast thou not been careless of seeking God Hast thou not foolishly wasted thy precious time And art thou not troubled at all for that Yea art thou now impatient as if God dealt hardly with thee And wilt thou spend more time badly when thou art taught by the death of thy dear friend how short it is It is most incongruous thus to bewail the death of a child or acquaintance when thou art like to die thy self both body and soul And when thou hast mourned for thy sins thou wilt be taught thereby how little thou oughtest to mourn for thy losses For even our tears for sin must not be immoderate and therefore much less must we dare to let them flow in abundance for our losses So you know the great Apostle commands the Corinthians to comfort him that had been guilty of a great sin and receive him again into the Church now that he repented left perhaps such an one should be swallowed up with overmuch sorrow 2 Cor. 2.7 I wish all those who are ready to destroy themselves with grief would seriously consider this that we may not over-load our hearts with grief for our sins themselves which are the causes of all other sorrows We cannot please the Devil better than by discontent He would fain oppress every good man with some passion or other let us take heed how we joyn with him against our selves If we have left his service that is enough to provoke him If we have bid defiance to his pleasures this doth incense him and we must expect that he will endeavour to overcome us with griefs The Devil is mad against all good men and therefore let all those who have irritated him against them beware how they now prove cowards and execute his vengeance for him with their own hands Let us take heed as Photius excellently expresseth it lest we be good at stirring up and provoking the envy and rage of our adversary but naught at resisting and overcoming him by patience and perseverance to the end 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 But if we must needs weep for the loss of something here let it be for the afflictions of the people of God Let us mourn to see the Church sit like a widdow in her black garments Let it pitty us to see the blood of Gods servants shed like water upon the ground If our own sins do not trouble us let us weep to see the wickedness of the world and let our eyes run down with tears to think that men do not keep Gods Law Some such channel we should cut for our tears and not let them spend themselves on this fashion about our own personal troubles This is a method both to stop our tears and likewise to make them useful to us while they run It is a way to ease us of our present grief and of all others also We shall exchange that sorrow that would have troubled us for a great deal of joy and comfort Whereas our worldly grief would have left the heart sad this will leave it light and merry III. The life of our Lord Jesus gives us the greatest comfort against death Believe throughly that the Lord Jesus lives and so thou maist both expect a resurrection from the dead and likewise hope for comfort from him when thou art left sad and desolate The body it self doth not die any more than corn doth which dies that it may live and spring up again with large gain and advantage Are we loth to throw the corn into the ground and do we not patiently expect till the harvest comes Why should we then bury our friends with so many tears seeing they are but laid in the Womb of their mother again that by the power of God they may have a better birth The Heathen could say much to comfort themselves but they knew not this comfort for indeed they were rather contented than comforted Those that did think themselves most wise and judged that they had the best supports did only dream that the soul make take another body and shift its place at several times But we know that there will be a time when even our scattered ashes will fly into one anothers embraces again and a new life will breath into our dust and make it stand upon its feet And then in the mean time if our condition be never so sad and we be left at alone why do we not solace our selves in the great compassion of our High Priest who hath a feeling of all our miseries which we endure Can we expect that ever he should love us more than when we are like unto him in sufferings We should be so far from being sad at what befalls us that we should think if our condition was a little worse we should be more dear unto him than now we are when nothing extraordinary is hapned to us No man can be alone as long as he lives who hath said I will not leave you comfortless like fatherless children I will come to you Did not he bid his Disciples to be well content when he himself dyed Did he not leave his peace with them and bid them that their hearts should not be troubled And what is the death of one of our friends to the departure of the best friend to the world that ever was from his little flock of friends Did not Christ know what he said when he was going to die Did he advise them not to be troubled when it was impossible that they should be otherwise And if they were not to be troubled then I am sure we have less reason to be troubled now both because we have a less loss to bewail and we have a stronger and more excellent comfort against our loss Our friends are as much below him as his state in the grave was beneath that to which
If it have any thing to complain of it is only this that it was born And therefore let us be content for it is better perhaps for it and not much the worse for us If we weep so much for an Infant what shall we do for a man Either let us now let down the sluce or else expect that we shall then be drowned If he had lived to be a man it might have done as we do miserably bewail the death of its children And therefore either let us not thus bewail it or else think it happy that it lived not to be so miserable as we think our selves Unreasonable to mourn for one when we have more and both waies our grief will be cured But suppose it be a child of a larger growth whose death extorts these tears from us Yet it is but one and we may have many more remaining Shall we lose all the content of a great many because we suffer the want of one If the life of this one would have pleased us so much then how joyfull should we be in the life of four or five If it be such a grief to lose a child then let us be thankfull that we lie not under the miserable grief of losing them all But if we cannot take this patiently then I doubt we shall run mad with impatience if God should take them all away We must learn to part with more by parting willingly with this one for all must die too Can he bear a stone weight who cannot endure the load of one pound and yet how justly may we fear that all the rest should shortly follow seeing we fret so much at Gods hand in this Suppose that this was the most goodly child yet not fairer sure than all the rest put together Or if he was most beautifull yet some of the others may be more wise If this had all our love then we may learn now how to divide our love equally and take pleasure in loving more If he loved us most then he would have wisht us if he had thought of it not to make our selves miserable by mourning for him Dion Chryst Orat 30. So Charidemus said to his friends when he was a dying It is Gods will that I should die and there can nothing that is hurtfull come from him I am very willing to die and I beseech you believe me in what I say for I have a greater care to speak truth now than any of you can have Grieve not for me for I grieve not do not make your selves miserable for I think not my self to be so 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 As much as ever you are able refrain from all sadness for no sad thing hath befaln me Thus we should say to our friends if we love them and therefore their love to us should not make us sad because they would have all they love to be chearfull If they could tell us their mind they would certainly bid us cease our mourning and therefore let us end it of our own accord Let there be such an harmony still between us in our wills and desires that we may not be wailing and lamenting when they are wishing we may be comforted Or when we may have more But let it be supposed that it is an only child yet are there not many hopes that you may have more who gave you this cannot he give you another hath not he that hath the keyes of the grave the keyes of the womb also If one die then as long as the world lasts another shall be born And if we desire children for the good of the world then so they be born it is no matter by whom But if for our sake then we may have them as well as others though perpetuall grief and sadness you may be sure is not the way to procure them Or if God will give us none then we may adopt one Any child will love us as if it was our own if it know not that it is any bodies else Nay any one will love and serve us for what we have and instead of one we shall have many that will thank us more than he perhaps to be our heirs but if we have nothing then why should we desire children for to leave them miserable but as I said why should we not hope for more and those better than him we lost with this hope David comforted Bathsheba his wife 2. Sam. 12.24 who bare a Jedidiah a man beloved of the Lord. If we count it such a strange thing to die then it should seem it is an ordinary thing to live and so why should we not expect the new life of another But if it be no strange thing to die then as I have said already we may well be comforted Or if we should have no more yet this may be some comfort that then we shall have no more to mourn thus sadly for Yea suppose thou art the last of thy family and name as was the great Scaliger and Lipsius also another excellent Scholar it is no great matter seeing the world is not to last long If thy name must have an end what needest thou to trouble thy self when it ends And if men can think it no harm to suffer their name to die of it self as Scaliger did who would not marry why shouldst thou be troubled if thine perish after due care to preserve and uphold it Or when it is uncertain whether they or none at all be better But then if thou hadst never so many children yet who knows how they may prove If they should be bad then thou thy self wilt say that it had been better they had never been They that thou mournest for because they are dead might have given thee greater cause of mourning if they had lived If the death of a child be sad his wickedness would have been far sadder for that is a worser death He that dies doth trouble his Parents but once but he that is bad is a perpetuall torment to them He that is dead cannot indeed help his Parents but then he doth not hurt them as many a bad one doth For those that are dead we only grieve we do not fear but for those that are bad we fear perpetually and we grieve also yea all the sorrow we now conceive at their death will not equall perhaps the meer fear which we should have had from their infancy lest their life should prove bad It is said in the life of John the Patriarch of Alexandria that a Merchant came to him to pray for a son of his that was at Sea that he might be safe Within a moneth the child dyed and his ship likewise was cast away And when he was much troubled at this double loss he thought one night that he saw the Patriarch standing by his bed and saying to him Thou desiredst me to pray that thy son might be safe and behold now he is safe for he is dead If
not been to go out Considerations about the death of Parents what need would there have been of bringing us in If they were designed to stay alwaies then there had been no room for us They might more easily remember their mortality than we for there is no act that puts us more in mind of death than that whereby we give another life And it is but one of them it is likely that we have lost we may then love the other the more Or if both yet we have least reason to complain about their death of all others for both Nature and they themselves and we also would have them die before us We complain that people die when they are young and will we complain too when they die of old age Then it seems we will have none die and cannot be contented unless they live alwaies Would they have been willing to have been left childless without you If not then they have their choice to go first Or are you so well in love with death that it would have been more acceptable to you to have gone before or so much in love with them that on that account you had rather have died than they Then know that your death would as much more have troubled them than theirs doth you as the love of Parents to their children transcends the love of all children unto them It is very well then as it is It is not handsome neither to complain when we are forty or fifty years of age that our Parents are dead for they could live no longer or if they could it would have been but a kind of death If we will not cease to complain when we are of age neither shall we ever cease when we grow older For as Cardan tells us A poor woman once came to his door to beg an alms and though she were seventy years of age yet she used this argument in her complaints That she was a poor fatherless and motherless creature and had none to take any care of her We need the less of their care when we can take care of our selves But perhaps they die before we are of age and can take care of our selves Then we are least sensible of their loss or if we are so considerate as to know that we may consider also such things as these There is none fatherless that hath God for his Father and he that hath not would be little better for his earthly Parents If they were good let us follow their example and remember their Counsell if they were bad they would not have been true Parents to us and it is well perhaps that we had not such an example to follow They may live still in us if they were good if they were bad we had need live the better and spend those tears for their sins which may entail curses on us which we bestow upon them But besides it is observed by some that the most eminent persons that have been in the world did lose their Parents when they were young or else it is like they had not proved so eminent The great Caesar and his successor Augustus Alexander the Monarch of the World Cicero the famous Orator Galen the most excellent Physitian Aristotle the great Philosopher are all examples of this truth If these had enjoyed the support of their Parents to lean upon they might not have tryed their own sufficiency nor exercised their abilities or else they might have been wholly eclipsed by their lustre and done nothing to be taken notice of in the World And of Husband of Wife But my loss will some sorrowfull Creature say is greater than all this no loss than half my self is gone from me Death hath ravished an Husband out of my bosome and he the tenderest in the world A sad case I must confess but it is well since Death is so common that he hath left one half and not taken all Would he had will that passionate soul reply I cannot live in any joy now that the better part of me is dead and gone O that I had never lived to see this day or not out-liv'd it Who can think of so wide a breach and not be ready to go out at it But stay a little I beseech you did you never think of this before now Did you not take one another with this clause Till Death us do part Death and you ought to have been better acquainted before this time It sought your acquaintance long ago and would have been as familiar with you as your Husband Who spoke of parting with you when you first came together and now that you are parted hath set you free again as you were before If you like that State so well you are at liberty to seek another self If you do not like to be tyed in such a yoke Why do you mourn thus for the gaining of your freedom Or if you liked that person so well as not to be able to think of any other then you may have the glory to stand among the rare and noble examples of conjugall love and friendship who have preserved the Image of their deceased Husband or Wife so lively ingraven in their hearts that nothing could ever displace it or blot it out Alas may some of the tenderer sex say whose hearts are commonly most deeply wounded with this affliction what a pitifull glory is this and what a torment will it prove to me to have only the image of such a person ever in my sight It is not possible to keep my self from being in pain and anguish when I feel that he is torn from me Since God hath made Man and Wife not to be two but one flesh How can I take this separation otherwaies than as if my body was cut in sunder In such language I remember St. Bafill represents the complaints of a desolate Widdow And if you please hear his Answer in a letter to the Wife of Arinthaeus * Epist 186. Some part or other of which may help perhaps to compose the spirits of such persons whom I cannot but pity above all other and make them conceive some joy when they look upon the Image of what they have lost And if you meet with some things in it that have been said already do not therefore skip it over hastily For second thoughts of a good thing are better than the first and the same thing in a new dress may meet with those affections which it did not excite before There is none saith he that doth not sigh for such a man Who can be so stony hearted as not to shed a tear for him Yet let us not complain that we are deprived of him but give thanks to God who joyn'd you together that you have lived so long with him To be bereaved of an Husband is common to you with all other women But to dwell with such an one it may be questioned whether any can glory in the like happiness For
and let reason speak what it is that so troubles us Children cry who cannot speak and we are not much troubled at it because they cry for they know not what Unless we therefore can tell why we weep no body will pity us because it is not weeping that we are to mind but the cause of mens weeping Let me then propose these questions to be answered some of which will discover that there is no cause of sad lamentations when our friends die And if there be no cause that the fountain of tears should run that is cause enough to stop it up 1. For whose sake dost thou weep For the sake of him that 's dead or for thy own No cause of mourning immoderately for their sakes who are dead Not for him that is dead sure for we suppose him to be happy Is it reasonable to say Ah me What shall I do I have lost a dear friend that shall eat and drink no more Alas He shall never hunger again never be sick again never be vexed and troubled and which is more he shall never die again Yet this is the frantick language of our tears if we weep for the sake of him that is gone Suppose thy friend should come to thee and shake thee by the hand and say My good friend why dost thou lament and afflict thy soul I am gone to the Paradise of God a sight most beautifull to be beheld and more rare to be enjoyed To that Paradise am I flown where there is nothing but joy and triumph nothing but friendship and endless Love There am I where the head of us all is and where we enjoy the light of his most blessed face I would not live if I might again no not for the Love of thee I have no such affection to thy society once most dear unto me that I would exchange my present company to hold commerce with thee But do thou rather come hither as soon as thou canst And bid thy friends that they mourn not for thee when thou dyest unless they would wish thee to be miserable again If we should have such a short converse with one of our acquaintance what should we think what should we say Should we fall a mourning and crying again Would it open a new sluce for our tears to flow out Would we pray him to go to Heaven no more but stay with us Would we entreat him to beg of God that he might come and comfort us If not then let us be well content unless we can give a better reason for our immoderate tears than our love to him Holcoth reports of a learned man Ia 4. Sap. v. 7. that was found dead in his Study with a Book before him A friend of his was exceedingly amazed at this fight when he first came into the room But when he looked a little further he found his fore-finger pointing at this place in the book of Wisdom c. 4. v. 7. 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 Though the just be prevented with death yet shall he be in rest And when he observed this he was as much comforted as he was before dejected We have no reason to lament them who are made immortall and that live with God If we respect them only we should carry them forth as the Aegyptians did the great Prophet of Isis when he dyed not with howlings and sorrow Heliod l. 7. Aethiop but with hymns and joy as being made an heir 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 with our Betters and gone to possess most glorious things The truth of it is if it were rationall Love to him that expresseth these tears then we should not begin them so soon nor make such a noise and cry when men are a dying For the sad countenances and the miserable lamentations wherewith we encompass sick mens beds make death seem more frightfull to them than it is in it self What misery am I falling into may a man think that causes them to make such a moan What is this death that makes even them look so ghastly who are not like to die What a mischief is it to leave so many sad hearts behind me and to go my self it should seem by them to some sad and dismall place also I tell you a dying man had need have a double courage to look both death and them in the faces or else their indiscreet shriekes and lamentations will make a poor soul fall into such dark and cloudy thoughts Men are fain therefore to say that it is indeed Love to themselves that forces them thus to bemoan the death of their friends Nor for our own sakes that are alive But what are you that cannot be contented one should be made much better by making of you a little worse Is this the great Love you pretend to your friend that you are extreamly sorry he is gone to Heaven are you a friend that look more at your own small benefit than at his great gain was he not much beholden to you for your love that would have had him lived till you were dead that he might have been as miserable in mourning for you as you think now your selves to be But what is it I beseech you that you thus bemoan your selves for Because that you are now miserable No it seems that you are not miserable enough and that makes you weep so much If you had some greater trouble befaln you that would put the lesser out of your mind If you were sick or in pains or had lost all your goods these things could take your mind off from this loss Why then cannot the enjoyment of your health and case and plenty do as much for you 2. Sam. 19.7 When Joab did but threaten David that they all would leave him unless he would be comforted then he could wipe his face and appear in publick as a man well pleased Fear of losing his Kingdom put away the grief for the loss of his son And therefore let us not speak of our being forlorn and miserable by this loss for at last we find it is not so But how doth it appear that meer self-love is the original of these tears Suppose this person to have been at so wide a distance from us for a year or two that no tideings of him could come to us Did we weep and lament all that while because he was not with us Did not the thoughts that he lived and hopes to see him again comfort us And yet was he not then in a manner dead when we neither saw nor felt nor heard from him What help did we receive from him at that distance or wherein did he pleasure us If we did not account our selyes so miserable all that time as to spend it in tears we ought not to do it now We are now as we were then in all things the very same save only in the knowledge that he is dead But was he not dead as I said to us before Was he not
the World But he was taken away will some say before his time else I should be content I shall answer this as Photius doth who accords with Basil the great Epist 234. before mentioned 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 Let me hear no such word I beseech you a word too bold to be spoken and more bold to be thought Before the time do you say Then why was he not thought to come before the time when he came out of his mothers Womb There is no reason for it but this that it was the will and pleasure of God that he should be born at such a time And must God appoint the time of his birth and we set the time of his death Did the Workman give him a being in good time and take him to himself not knowing the fittest season From a drop he made him to become a lump of flesh He formed the flesh into parts he brought him into the light and he kept him in his infancy and childhood Was any of these out of due time Why then should it be out of season when he translated him to another life Let us do therefore as David did who prayed and wept as long as he could hope the decree of God was not absolute concerning his childs death but when he saw that it was irreversible he comforted himself Let us alway say as Job doth The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away and blessed be the Name of the Lord. And let this be further considered to the enforcing of this truth that if the will of the Lord must be born then it must be done And his will is that we should take all things patiently yea chearfully from his hands And therefore if we mourn immoderately what do we but only add sin unto our pain As there is a time to laugh so there is a time to weep But there is no more time to weep superfluously than there is to laugh idly and profusely Both in the one and in the other we must be wholly subject to the Will of God But that Will of God as I said is very wise in every thing and therefore he intends to turn our mourning into laughter and by every sad thing that doth befall us to make our hearts glad He alwaies gives something better than he takes away if we would but seek after it and ofttimes he takes one thing away that we may seek after the better But alas our blindness is so great that we value not that which brings us profit unless it be sweet to our taste We let our passion judge and not our reason and therefore we think there is no good in a bitter cup and no danger in a pleasant draught We lament and mourn when we ought to think our selves great gainers and we rejoyce and leap when perhaps a cross of the greatest burden hath befaln us Let us stay a while therefore and expect the end of things before we mourn too much And let us but desire to be cured rather than pleased to have our souls amended rather than our fancy humoured and we shall have great reason to thank God for every thing that comes to us And he rules it better than we could do VI. And this will lead me to another consideration concerning the Goodness of God in all that he doth Ask thy self therefore Doth not God do all things for our good Do we wish better to our selves than God doth Hath not He the greatest care of all his creatures to see that it be well with them Did he make them for any other end than that they might be happy Is there the least Sparrow as I said before that falls to the ground without our Fathers Providence Then Mankind must needs be under a greater love and none of them can die by chance but by his direction And above all other men He hath a singular care over the persons of good Christians the very hairs of whose heads are all numbred If not so much as an hair can drop off without Him much less can any body of them fall into their graves but He hath a hand in it But still He hath a more speciall Providence over such Christians as are Fatherless and Widdows helpless and destitute of all succour And therefore as it was his goodness that took their friends away so much more will his goodness take care of them whom he hath left none else to take care of He considers us not only as his children but as children placed in the midst of such and such circumstances as desolate and sad as left only to his Providence and tuition And therefore it is that the Psalmist saith Psa 10 14. Thou art the helper of the Fatherless And in another place A Father of the fatherless Psa 68.5 and a Judge of the widdow is God in his holy babitation Psa 69.23 I am poor and sorrowfull let thy salvation set me up on high Yea and all good men are full of compassion to such persons So that The blessing of those that are ready to perish come upon them Job 29 12 14. and they cause the widdows heart to sing for Joy It is an excellent saying of the Royal Philosopher Antoninus 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 c. Lib. 2. Sect. 11. worthy to be engraven upon our minds If there be a God then nothing can be hurtfull to us for he will not involve us in evil But if either there be none or he take no care of mens matters what shall I live for in a World that is without a God or without a Providence But there is a God and he cares for men also and hath put it into their power not to fall into those things which are truly evil And for the rest that befall us if any thing of them had been evil he would have provided that we should have been able not to have faln into that neither But if this great person had known also that God leaves us not alone to our own power when he sends any thing upon us but that he hath a peculiar love to his servants when they are in trouble and affords them his assistance He would have said on this sort If we be not alone without God then nothing need discomfort us for he is the God of all comfort If we be alone then we had need to be most discomforted for that and never endure in a condition without God But we are not alone and we are least alone when we are alone and have him most when we have other things least Therefore he hath put it into our power not to be troubled but to go to him for comfort in all that befalls us and if there were no comfort in him for us in such cases then they should not have befaln us Let us not therefore mourn as long as we have a God and as long as all things make us seek for our comfort in him VII Grief will
how didst thou deserve to have the friend which thou hast lost If thou art able or hast ever given any comfort unto others administer then the same cordials to thy self Why should not that satisfie thee which thou expectedst with so much reason should satisfie them What thou wouldst say to another if his friend was dead that say to thy self And if thou wouldst wonder that he should reject all comfort then do not make thy self a wonder Didst thou never tell any man that it is a shame to be impatient when we can cure our selves That they suffer nothing but what God and nature have appointed that we must all expect such losses that no body knows whose turn is next Take then thy own counsell and be not such a Physitian as cannot cure himself at all Is thy distemper different from theirs Are there not the same griefs and maladies in their minds Then the same medicine will cure thee that thou gavest them Or if it would not cure them then thou wast much too blame that didst not seek a better both for them and thee Or is thine some strange loss the like to which never any suffered Then this may comfort thee that thou shalt never suffer the like again For it would be more strange if a thing that never came before should twice fall upon one man It it be so strange to thee then thy courage will be as strange to others If thou art drawn into an example of sufferings then thou maist render thy self an example to all of patience and contentedness And so Seneca saith of the Brother of Drusus that though Drusus dyed in the midst of his embraces and with his kisses warm upon his mouth though he dyed in the very height of his fortune with the most war-like Nations dead at his feet yet he not only put a measure to his own grief but taught all the Army how to be moderate also And indeed he could not have stopt the tears of others unless he had been of so brave a spirit as first to stop his own If thou art a friend therefore unto any let them all learn of thee how to be well satisfied Comfort thy self as thou hast comforted others or else as thou dost intend to comfort them And let it be seen by thy worthy behaviour toward thy self that thou art worthy to be a friend to another person Death doth sometime befriend us XII Ask thy self again Whether friends only be mortal Do none die but they that love us Must not all our enemies and they that hate us die also Death then that makes thee sad may give thee comfort As it puts an end to some comforts so it is the common end of all miseries Though we may not wish for the death of any yet it is no harm to think that they must die who hate us and their rage shall not last for ever If nothing can cease their malignity yet death can It hath done us then no such wrong but what it can repay us with the same hand that did it Though we have now no friend yet shortly we may have no enemy neither This was one support to the Christians under their persecutions that though their enemies like Saul did breath out nothing but threatnings and slaughters against them yet their breath was but in their nostrils and might soon evaporate and vanish away Julian called the Apostate had done more hurt to the Christians than the ten Persecutions if death had not suddenly wounded him with one of his arrows The Marian flames had devoured in all likelyhood a great many more bodies if death had not shortned her reign and so extinguished the fires We have no reason then to look upon it as unkind which may do us so many courtesies not to accuse that of cruelty to us which destroys the cruelty of others towards us XIII And now may you not well make one question more to your selves Contentment hath more to say for it self than grief hath and say Is there not more reason to be comforted than there is to be sad If there be as certainly there is what should hinder your comfort if you live by reason If you do not live by it then nothing that a man can say will comfort you Nothing will chear us unless we think of it and make it our own by meditation neither will any thing sadden us unless we think of it also Seeing then they are our own thoughts that make us either sad or merry and we have more comfortable thoughts than heavy we cannot but be of good chear if we will not be enemies to our selves All that we can say for our sadness is that we have lost a friend a very dear and perhaps only friend But you have heard that there are more in the world and that you have not lost this and that you have more comforts remaining than are taken away and that if you had none but God you had enough and if you will read again what hath been said twenty other reasons will offer themselves to chear for one that arises to make you sad If there was no reason at all to be sad then none need spend any time in giving comfort But if they be very few in compare with others and we are made to follow the most and strongest reasons then he is not to be pityed who notwithstanding the small reason of his sorrow will not be of good comfort The greatest cause that I know of this sort of trouble is when many that we love die soon after one another So it hapned to that Prince which the L. Mountaigne speaks of who received the news of his Elder Brothers death L. 1. Essay cap. 2. whom he highly esteemed with a great deal of constancy and shortly after the tidings of his younger Brothers decease in whom he placed much hope did not alter the smoothness of his countenance But when one of his servants dyed not long after that he suffered himself to be so far transported that he quitted his former resolution and gave up himself to all grief and sorrow The reason of this was not from the love that he bare to his person more than the rest but as he well faith because being top full of sorrow before the next flood must needs break the banks or overflow all the bounds of patience In Dialog cui tit Guilielmus And so Hier. Cardan tells us that after he had partiently born many reproaches and the cruel infamous death of a son of great hopes and the dangerous sickness of another son and the death of his Parents and Wife with many other evils yea and after he wrote a Book of Consolation against all these evils yet he was overcome with grief at the death of an English youth whom he brought from Dover with him as he passed from Scotland in the time of Edward the sixth And he gives the sam reason for it that the other doth
are none of our own no more than any thing in this world Let these two things then settle themselves in our minds which will lead us into the right way of fortifying our souls both against this and all other trouble First Never think that the things which thou wantest will cure thee for they will rather make the wound wider and inlarge thy wants The more we have the more we desire still to have and the way to think we have enough is not to desire to have too much It is very well observed by Plutarch 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 that it seems to us as if our clothes did give us heat when as they are cold of themselves and in a great heat we shift our clothes to make us cool Just so do men think that the things without them will afford them content and that if they had a sumptuous house and had riches at command and were encompassed with servants and had their friends to bear them company they should live most sweetly and deliciously when as experience teaches us that we are still desirous of some change in one thing or other about us It is the heat of our own bodies that keeps us warm which our clothes do only contain and keep in that it may not fly abroad and disperse in the air and so is it the liveliness and strength of our own spirit that must make us live merrily and which gives all the pleasure and grace to these outward things which minister to our comfort They can only help to maintain and increase our delights but our delight must arise from a more certain cause within our selves Add one heap of riches to another build great houses invite to thy self friends and lovers unless thou dost free thy self from thy own desires unless thou dost put an end to thy fears and cares and such like things thou dost but like him that administers Wine to a man in a Feavour or Honey to a Cholerick person or meat to him that is troubled with the Collick which do not strengthen but destroy them The less we have the better it is unless we desire but a little And therefore it is of absolute necessity that we form to our selves such strong principles as will moderate our desires and make them reasonable But then let me tell you in the second place That a good Book and a Treatise of the Principles of Contentment may be without us as well as any thing else We think that we have good reasons of being quiet which will comfort us upon all occasions But where are they In our Book That is no more ours than our money that bought it unless the Book be in our heart We must labour to write these truths on our souls and turn them into the reason of our minds Things of faith we must make as if they were things of reason and things of reason we must make as sensible as if they beat continually upon our eyes and ears Let us colour and die our souls with these notions or else they will do us but little good If this Book lie by us and not in us it will be little better than wast Paper 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 Arrian L 2. cap. 9. c. saith Epictetus For it is one thing to have Bread and Wine in a Cup-board and another thing to have them in our body When they are eaten and drunk they turn into flesh and blood and make us lusty and strong but when they lie by us we think indeed we have them but they afford us no nourishment or refreshment at all Even so it is in these things If we inwardly digest them and turn them as it were into the substance of our souls they will make us of a lively complexion but else we may be pale with fear and pine away with grief and it is not their fault but our own And as he that doth not eat when he should may have no stomack when he is weak but presently vomit up his food again So he that minds not these things till he be sick of his troubles and in great need of comfort will find his soul it is most likely very impatient of the remedy and it will be a trouble to him but to read that which will quiet him Thus I observe it was with a very great man a person indowed with an extraordinary measure of wisedom who rejected himself in a time of sorrow all those counsels that he had skilfully administred to others Julius Scaliger I mean who writing to a friend of his to comfor her in her Mourning * Epist 67. ad Marg. Vitelliam beseeches her to remember how far it is from common Prudence Not to lay down that grief for our own sake which we have taken up for the sake of another and that it is not the part of a sound judgement to accuse the fates as if they had done us wrong and to take a severe punishment for it upon our selves Consider also where is that person we Weep for If in Heaven what need is there of our howlings If in misery why do we add loss to loss evil to evil and because he is miserable against our will make our selves freely and willingly miserable But this above all things I would have you keep in mind that you have nothing which you have not received and therefore you owe thanks even now for what you had to him from whom you received it and ought not to reproach him for calling home his own For all the benefits bestow'd on Mortals are like all things here stand withering and cannot last for ever nay unsteady inconstant and never equal If therefore we enjoy any of them we must place it among our felicities that we were owners of it And when by the severe Laws of the Vniverse it is snatcht from us we must refresh our selves with the remembrance of it as if it were present and not vex and torment our selves because of its absence Many things like to these and perhaps better he saith he could suggest if he thought it needful And yet this very Counselour I observe when his turn came to weep was strangely overcome with sorrow for the death of a little son of his but a child of great hopes He cries out lamentably and bewailes himself without measure saying In illo vivebam in illo interii * Oratio in luctu Audesti si ii I lived in him and in him I dyed I know he is happy and therefore I do not bewail him in my self but my self in him by whose fall I am faln also I say I bewail my self who die a new kind of way and am killed by anothers death And then reckoning up the arguments whereby his friends studied to comfort him the very same wherewith he thought he could comfort others he despises them all as not worth a straw telling them that they expressed indeed a great deal of humanity to him but not much