Selected quad for the lemma: death_n
Text snippets containing the quad
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A31704
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The Character of a quack doctor, or, The Abusive practices of impudent illiterate pretenders to physick exposed
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1676
(1676)
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Wing C1988; ESTC R29191
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5,441
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10
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Tenour commonly to this effect EXIMIO PRAEDICO OR A Thousand Infallible Cures At the Golden Ball in Fop-Ally next dore to the flying Hedghog in New-Alsasia Lives the Paraselsus of this age by name Seignior Doloso Effrontero Native of Arabia Deserta natural Son of the wonder-working Chimest Doctor lately deceased at the Devils Arse a Peak in Silesia and famous throughout Europe Asia Afrique and America from the oriental exaltation of Titan to his occidental Declination Who in pitty to his own dear self and Languishing mortals has by the earnest prayers and solicitations of divers Princes Lords and other honourable Personages been prevaild with to oblige the World with this notice that all persons Young or Old or Deaf or Lame or Blind or Dumb may know whither to repair for present Cure in all Cephalalgia's Paralytical Paroxismes Odontalgia's Apoplexia's Peripneunonia's Empyema's Palpitations of the Pericardium Syncope's Nanseitie's arising either from a Plethory or a Cacochymy Disenteria's Iliacal passions the Scurvies Exanthemata the Hog-Pox the Hen-Pox the Small-Pox the Whores Pox or the Devils-Pox the Ascites Tympanites or Anasarca Ictâ—â—rical effusions Rhumatismes Phlegmons Erysepalus's Herpes Impetigo's Tentigo's Scabs Scaldheads Warts Corns and all other Diseases Griefs Wounds Fractures Dislocations Confusions Dolors Aches Defects Pains Distempers and Discrasies of Nature whether external or Internal acute or Chronick Curable or Incurable His Medicines are the Quintessence of Pharmapeutical Energy and the Cures he has done are above the Art of the whole World Imprimis he has a wonderful Universal unheard of never-failing Hypnotical Cordiacal Cephalical Hepatical Anodynous Odoriferous Carminative Renovative Styptical and Coroborating Balsome of Balsomes made of Dead mens fat Rosin and Goose grease that infallibly restores lost Maidenheads raises demolisht Noses and by its abstersive Cosmetick quality preserves super-animated Bawds from Wrinkles he has the true Catharmapophora of Hermes Tresmegistus an Incomparable spagyrical tincture of the Moons Hornes the most soveraign Alexipharmacum in the world against the contagion of Cuckoldry he has the Pantimagogon of the Triple Kingdome that works seaven several ways and is seaven years a preparing being at last exactly compleated secundum Artem by Fermentation Putrifaction Distillation Rectification Cohobation Circulation Calimation sublimation solution Precipitation Coagulation Filtration and Quidlibetification both in Balneo Mariae the Crusible and the Fixatory the Athanor the Cucurbita and the Reverberatory this is Natures Palladium Healths Magazine A dram of it is worth a Bushel of March Dust if any person happen to have his Brains beat out or his Head Chopt off two drops seasonably applyed shall recall the Fleeting Spirits re-inthrone the deposed Archeus cement the discontinuity of the parts and in six minutes restore the Lifeless Trunk to its pristin vigour in all its functions vital natural and Animal he has an excellent Antipudengragrian specifick the choicest jewel amongst Venus's Regalia which perfectly cures the French Pox with all its noble train of Bubo's Gonorrhaea's and shankers with as much pleasure as the same can be contracted so that it would tempt any man of sence to get that modish Disease if it may be procured for Love or Mony once a Fortnight to enjoy the repeated delight of so divertising a Remedy He hath it under the hands and seals of the greatest Caliphs and Moguls in Cristendome to verificate the reality of his operations I cared Prester Johns Godmother of a Stupendious Dolor about the Os Sacrum so that the good Lady feared the perdition of her Huckle bone I did it to the great admiration of that Court by Fomenting her Posteriors with the Mummy of nature otherwise called Pilgrim Salve and the spirit of Mugwort Terragraphocated through a Limbeck of Chrystalline transfluences I Cured the Dutches of Promolpho of the cramp in her tongue and gave immediate ease to her Nephew the Count de Rodomontado correptus with an Iliaca Passio by eating butter'd Parsneps An Alderman of Grand Cair that â—â—d lain seven year sick of the Plague I cured him in two and Forty Minutes from whence I was sent for by Sulton Gilgal Despot of Bosnia who being violently afflicted with a Spasmus came 600 Leagues to meet me in a Go-Cart I gave him so speedy an acquittance from his Dolor that next Night he Danc'd a Sarabrand with Flipflaps and Sommersets and for my reward presented me with a Persian Horse a Turkish Scymitor and 300. Hungarian Duckets I restored Virility and the comfort of Generation to 150 Eunuchs in the Grand Seigniors Seraglio and by a pair of Prolifick Pills lately caused a Vintners Widdow that had all her life time been Barren to bring forth a Lusty Boy without the help of a Husband when she was entred into the twelfth Lustre of her Age and with a like Emperical Remedy in the Aulalbian Court Cured Duke Philanax of a Dropsy whereof he Dyed In a word the Cures I have done are no less Innumerable than Incredible for I willingly undertake none but desperate mortal diseases and Love to signalize my Practice by performing Impossibilities and therefore if any have occasion to make use of me render themselves immortal let them hasten to our Habitation Venienti occurrit Morbo Down with your Dust For I am just now sent for by an extraordinary Courrier to the mighty Empress of Bomfeze upon important occasions nearly concerning her Royal Person Quaerenda pecunta primum Be not Sick too Late Verbum sapienti No Mony no Cure Such impudent ostentious Decoy-papers he dayly spreads about the Streets as if he had undertaken to serve the whole City with Bumfodder and plaisters with his quakeries every Pissing-post and thereby Lime-twigs the Rabble to become his Patients so we may properly call them for before he has don with 'um they are sure to suffer sufficiently they pretend to use his stuff for Cheapness but in truth they pay dear enough for t is ods if it do not cost them their Lives he likewise Hucksters his Venome in every Market Town and Village and if the Farmers would buy it only to treat Rats with it might do them a Courtesy His fullest practice is amongst fond Women that have more Mony than Wit he first perswades them that they are not well and then gives um Physick shall infallibly make um sick he has nature perpetually in his mouth but knows no more of her than the Queen of Morocco and the greatest design he has on Chymistry is to fit him for the Gallowes for Counterfeiting Coyn. He is Madam Aâ—ropos's Gentlemaâ—â—â—…sher and never appears but attended with sighs and dying Groans after a thousand promises of Health he most perfidiously leaves a man Gasping and gives this reason that Death and he have a quarel and dare not meet when persons are Kill'd by his improper Applications he Chides their Friends for not sending for him sooner Rails at the Nurses for not observing directions or alledges the Sick would not be rul'd At worst poor nature bares the blame and his time was come serves for an excuse and the Grave covers his ignorance but if any hapen to recover though but of a Cold or an Ague he magnifies the business as if he had raised a second Lazarus yet in truth the greatest Cure he can boast of is of his own purse which from a Maugre Consumption he has raised to a condition Plump and Thriving for there are so many Fools in the World that a Knave can hardly want imployment and they are so incorrigibly silly and stupid as to think themselves obliged to Gratify him for not Murthering them and trumpet him up amongst the rest of the undiscerning Croud for the greatest Skill the rarest man in the World and by these Arts he grows Famous and Rich and buyes him the worshipful Jacket and takes state upon him and defies Authority that should suppress his insolency and at last purchases a Title and arrives at his Coach where we leave him an instance of Fortunate Folly and Prosperous Wickedness driving on without Repentance to perfect his pseudo-Chimistry in the Devils Laboratory FINIS POSTSCRIPT THe Author is far from any intention to Bespatter the noble Art of Healing or any of its Learned or Honest Ingenious Professors or to undervalue the most Pleasant and useful Study of Chymistry or gratify Monopolies in learning or stinted Methods of formal Ignorance t is the illiterate frontless and dangerous Pretender he would expose to deserved contempt the sordid passions of envy at any mans Gains or malice to particular Persons having no Influence on his Pen he wishes as the Vnicorn is never seen but in Painting such a Quack might be no where found but in this Idaea and then where nobody is concern'd no body can with reason complain but if any Conscious Dons shall acknowledg the Picture to be theirs and think themselves intended he frankly tells them they are the Persons meant indeed Innocuos permitte Sales Cur Ludere nobis Non Liceat Licuit si Jugulare tibi