Selected quad for the lemma: death_n
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A30020
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A discourse against unequal marriages viz, against old persons marrying with young, against persons marrying without the parents or friends consent, against persons marrying without their own consent.
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Bufford, Samuel.
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1696
(1696)
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Wing B5364; ESTC R4795
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32,369
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134
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Father of a Daughter in which he places so great a part of his Delight to take his deerest Jewel from him and violently to tear a lovely Blooming Sprig which he has Nurished with so much care and tenderness And though the Night promises well the Horse stands at the Gate the Doors open the Riding-Grown's on the Lady ready the Parson waiting and all things smile and favour the Design running very smothly a long yet in a short time after they are chain'd together the Magick ceaseth the Inchanted Castle Vanishes into fleeting Air the Tempest rises and whole showers of Afflictions fall thick imbittering all their Joys and destroying all their fine expectations Secondly Let them all consider what a high piece of Imprudence 't is for a man so dangerously to venture himself with a young Creature whose fickle Fancy turns like the wind and whose ungrounded Love oft upon such accounts meet with its cold and loathing Fits and curdles to Hatred in a few hours time which by the overswaying power of flattering and and threatning Friends may bring his Life at her Mercy Besides if he marry such when her Portion is not certain he commits a double Folly to no purpose and then his Love for Mony has left him in a very sweet pickle indeed But now to come a little closer to the business of Marrying without Friends consent and to shew the greatness of this Offence It always ought to be considered that Nature has given to Parents an extraordinary Power over their Children making far greater distinctions here than in any other Persons whatsoever And as this sort of Government is certainly the most natural of any so all other Governments seem rather to have been made in imitation of this First Method being for the most part Acquired by Usurpation and meer Force and increased by the Strength and Policy of more crafty heads As Parents Authority is great so ought Childrens Obedience to be great too and all the Amends and Satisfaction they are ever able to make for their bringing of them into the World Education Estates and the like is only a dutiful complyance to all their just Commands and a hearty desire of performing all their good Wishes Here it is that a Young Man shews his noble temper as well as humble disposition and 't is this that Heaven promises such peculiar Blessings to and that the World has so oft crown'd with its just Applauses As Marriage is the greatest concern and the Principal thing in which a Parent always takes most care and to see them well Matched is as much as to see 'em made happy So for a Son or a Daughter to be disobedient to this is the greatest piece of Rebellion as well as the highest point of Ingratitude they can well be guilty of This indeed has made many a Father and that with Justice too utterly cast off a hot-brain Son from all his future care and whose unlucky Curses have hit him so right and stuck so close to him ever after as have driven him to the utmost Miseries that attend Poverty and Rags The greatness of this Crime few young Persons consider especially since they are commonly so extreamly partial and self-conceited of their own Prudence and Judgment in choosing laughing at their own Parents and Friends thinking them all very unfit Persons to consult withal and not Good or Wise enough to choose for them but will run madly and furiously on big with the expectation of some wonderful Charms and extraordinary Bliss till they are soon foundred and lost like one that rides a fiery Steed that stops at nothing but runs at Swelling Rivers Craggy Rocks and Deadly Precipices till the Rider is hurl'd off and dashed in pieces These are the surious transports of Harebrain Youth who run mad for a Face and ruin themselves for a meer trifle If all things be throughly and carefully considered such a Crime as this must appear extraordinary soul and infamous and of such a Base Nature as can never be excused by an unconcerned Stander by such as I profess my self to be To have a kind indulgent Father whose softest Wishes and greatest Joys always attend his Sons good Fortune careful of him even to the raging Passion of Jealousie to bestow his utmost Pains use his greatest endeavours and still racking his contriving Head both day and night and all with the joyful expectation of his Sons being great and happy after his death and placing the greatest part of his own Happiness in his then to have a stubborn ungreateful Son to dash and overturn the whole Fabrick of his great Designs and by one unlucky Cast blast all his thriving hopes at once This is too much for a Father to bear and then 't is no wonder to see a Parent tho never so gentle and good Natured decree the utmost severitys and at one blow to lop off a Monstrous Excrescency That this Offence is punished with Disinheritance there 's scarce any thing more common and a Father in this case is very seldom much blamed or reckoned severe or unjust for when a Son or Daughter have by their Disobedience broke their Fathers Heart and and have thrown him off as a Person that has nothing to do with them he has a good and honest Plea to leave them to themselves Some Fathers indeed are often glad to find such an Excuse when they have a mind to put off their Daughters without Portions because they are sure that this will certainly vindicate their Proceedings to the inquiring World So that it is most apparent that this is a far greater Crime than most young People take it to be so that for a man of Ingenuity and Generosity to be guilty of such a fault to me seems very inconsistant Neither can I well conceive how a man of sense can ever excuse himself from such a prodigious piece of Ingratitude since that of all other Vices is justly esteem'd the basest and meanest and of such a Nature that even those Persons who have seemed to make their business and design to act and brag of all other Rogueries are yet ashamed of that and are very careful to conceal it as a thing that can get them no manner of Commendation or Applause not so much as among their rude Companions But let us now spend a thought or two about the Female Sex As for those Nature has seem'd to take a more peculiar Care in moulding them and making them more easie and compliant and of giving them a softer and more flexible Disposition sinely adapted to Obedience But to the Male it has afforded a stronger and more governing Nature and has given them more Power and Command Therefore Obedience and Compliance in the Female seems more convenient and necessary as being more suitable and natural And if all things be rightly considered they are not to expect to be their own Carvers in all things nor to have so large a right in choosing as Men Their Friends
hearted Creatures but yet she vows that these same Young Men have always a very strange taking way with them and will never be said nay when they are once set on upon this with a Complement and a gracious Smile on her side and a fawning Leer on his with the Formalities of a second or third Visit a Match is clap'd up between the Old Fool and the Young She indeed expecting great and mighty things but he guessing before-hand what he is like to meet withal seldom comes at her passes away his time merrily and cares but little as long as the Money goes briskly about which end goes forward So that at best he is only as a kept Person in continual Fee But this won't do with him for he 'll make her to know who 's Lord and Master and since his old Grannam of a Spouse can't please him her Mony must then procure him such a one as can But what says the World to all this O wonderous civil as may be guessed by that obliging language which follows Oh hang her says one for an Old Beast must she be for riding at this time of day She 's past Mans use now 't is high time to fall to procuring Ay says a second what should she do but procure a good bit for her poor Husband and help him at a dead lift Rot her Old Corps says a third she 's good for nothing but to make mony of But he for his part shall be applauded and commended for what he does and encouraged for all his fine Rogueries and she her self must be content to bear the brunt of all People are strangely pleased to find she 's met withall at last and wonderfully pleased at every trick he serves her if he should bring a Miss publickly to his House or some such slighty business or if he entertains her every day with the sweet Musick of Damn me and Rot me Sparks But if he chance to find the advantage of touching her Copy-hold of making the dirty Acres fly about the old Houses to go to Pot and the tall sturdy Oaks to rore that 's mirth and sport enough for a month at least I will not insist any longer upon the ill effects and unhappy Misfortunes of such Matches as these and shall omit the many grateful returns these Persons may expect from their Children and other Relations who are very often fool'd out of good Estates by these means and New Heirs seldom fail of being produc'd tho 't is not in every mans power to get ' em In my opinion the best Use and greatest Advantage that can be made of such Matches is Pennance and Mortification For such Old Wives and Husbands besides the many Afflictions they cause may indeed prove a better Memento Mori than any Deaths Head and perhaps give persons a more lively hint of Mortality than a Skull can do Such sort of Marriages may indeed be well compared to tying a man Neck and Heels and leaving him to shift for himself whilst his strugling only makes him worse But how great soever the Misfortunes are they have always an original so very ridiculous that they are things more to be laugh'd at than pityed which have made me less serious in this Chapter than I thought to have been or perhaps will be counted agreeable to the perfect Rules of Gravity and Modesty and truly I am very much ashamed to handle this Subject any longer Before I finish this Chapter I must desire the Courteous Reader to take notice that in all this Discourse there is not any thing spoken with the least design or intention to bring Old Age into contempt for I always held that to be a thing that merits the greatest Esteem Honour and Veneration imaginable But let all Old Persons take this along with them that it will ever be counted base and contemptable and a Curse instead of a Blessing while it wants the Ornamental Marks of Gravity Judgment and Discretion which always ought to carefully attend it and be inseparable and that a merry Old Fool and a gay apish Matron are things so unnatural that a very Ingenious Person has deservedly reckoned them among the tamer sort of Monsters CHAP. III. Against Persons Marrying without the Parents or Friends Consent THE main design of this Chapter is to shew the great imprudence and impiety of all such as run rashly or without Friends knowledg or consent upon such a solemn thing as Matrimony with the sad and fatal consequences thereof which will be enough I 'm sure to deter all Persons of any Sense or Religion from stealing of Matches or suffer themselves to be stolen by others This is a great and abominable Crime which has grown wonderful common in these late times and for ought we can hear more frequent in our Nation than in our Neighbouring Countries especially for the Female Sex because they are allowed more Liberty here than in most other Parts Though within these few Years there hath somewhat more care been taken to prevent these Inconveniencies and Licences have been more cautiously deliver'd yet still we find frequent Examples of this nature to the great Misfortunes of the Persons themselves and sometimes to the Ruin of their Families And we can't expect it will be otherwise as long as there are some at every turn ready in the Dukes-Place the Mint or some such Priviledg'd corner of the Town who will do this small Job of Coopling without the inconsiderable formality of a Licence or the little consideration of the Canonical Hour I shall first speak a word or two concerning such Men as steal Persons much above them-themselves in Fortune for I can afford such vile Practices no better title than stealing For though this at present is reckon'd little or no fault in the Man's part and the most ridgid and censorious part of the World seldom lay any thing to his charge Yet for my part I can most clearly and plainly see something in it that 's most base and ungenerous which is far beneath the great and noble Thoughts of Man For to pretend Love in this case is almost as ridiculous as the Taylor that very fairly fell in Love with Queen Elizabeth so that the Person can have no manner of Colour for his Design in hand but a greedy thirsting after Money and an eager persuing after those Riches which he hath no sort of Title to and gets 'em as unjustly as Pirates and Robbers do their Booty Besides to Marry purely for Money without any other considerations seldom fails of causing an unhappy Life And common Experience shews us that such Persons as these have very seldom any manner of real Love or Kindness for their Wives though they be never such Accomplish'd Beautiful and Deserving Ladies then to what a fine pass have these poor Creatures brought themselves to Let all your High Lookers and great Pretenders to large Fortunes but seriously consider First What a vast piece of Injustice 't is to Rob a Loving