Light and my Righteousness in those particulars as the Noon-day telling me nothing could ever make her shrink or quail but guilt of which blessed be God we comfortably knew there was not the least Spark to raise that Blasting Smoak How did she pray to God! for she knew the Case would bear Appeals to him How did she write to and sollicite Men How did she walk and ride and repeat long Journeys beyond her Strength Had not her Affections been both more strong and swift than Legs or Horse or Coach and when a Gentleman had treated her less obligingly than by a messuage sent from himself he had incouraged her to hope for by her meekness of Wisdom by her calm Replies and by a convincing prudent Letter which she wrote him she obtained this acknowledgment from him That she was a very good yea excellent Christian but no more of these matters let them be buried in her Grave they 'll not disturb her Rest and I heartily pray that when she shall rise to Glory they may rise to no Man's Shame Amen Amen Next to the things of God my Company was the delight and satisfaction of her Life and when I went from home she would importune my speediest return and if she had any Friend to visit she would take the opportunity of my absence that she might not be from me when at home and if any Family affairs gave more trouble and bustle she would not fail to have them finished whilst I was abroad that there might be no molesting puther or noise in my Sight and Hearing and as she often told me next to the pleasing God her greatest Care was that I might never be displeased If passing the love of Women be a superlative Expression hers was more than so passing the love of most Women that there was not a Man on Earth I had cause to envy as happier than my self in that respect She was a Wife according to my own Heart and even exceeded the Character of such an one as with most earnest Prayers I begged of God to vouchsafe to me when I was inclined to enter on the Marriage State In this God did abundantly for me beyond what I could ask or think and as a good Friend who came to comfort me since I lost her was pleased to phrase it alluding to the Expression Ezek. 20.6 Of God's giving the Land of Canaan to his People God had spied out a Wife for me and as we have some hundred times blest God for singling us out from all other Persons in the World to be joined in that most near Relation so I repeat those Praises with profoundest Gratitude from the bottom of a most humble Heart She would often come into my Study to me and when I have asked her what she would have she would reply Nothing My Dear but to ask thee how thou dost and see if thou wantest any thing and then with an endearing Smile would say Dost thou love me to which when I replied Most dearly I know it abundantly would she answer to my Comfort but I love to hear thee tell me so And once when I was adding the reasons of my Love and began first for Conscience she stopt me e'er I could proceed as she was very quick Ah my Dear I allow Conscience to be an excellent Principle in all we doe but like it worst in Conjugal Affection I would have thee love me not because thou must but because thou wilt not as a duty but delight we are prone to reluctate against what 's imposed but take Pleasure in what we chuse so innocently witty would she be They that have such Wives will easily pardon my fondness in this short Paragraph and that all may doe it I wish that no Man living had a worse but I 'll not offend the most sowre or most squeemish in like kind for the future As she was all the best of Wives could be in time of Health so if God sent Sickness more than is credible to any but Eye-witnesses It once pleased God to visit us with Sickness both together she was taken first my self in few days after and both so ill our death was expected by our selves and others but God was pleased to spare us longer I recovered first and when I could leave my Bed and creep into her Chamber the sight of me was like Life from the Dead She hath oft told me she could not express what alteration it made in her the joy so revived her Spirits it helped to cure her There 's not a Sickness nor imminent danger I escaped all the time we lived together which she hath not recorded with most ardent Prayers and signal Instances of God's gracious Answers of them and most lively Praises which might thaw a Heart of Ice into streams of devoutest Thankfulness which even the fear of being prolix can scarce restrain me from transcribing but I will confine my self to one out of very many November 30. 1675. being Saturday my Dear Husband came from London and not well with a Cold. The Lord's Day following he Preached both parts of the Day Monday he took Ruffi's Pills he grew very ill with his Cold which was accompanied with a Fever and a Pleurisie Tuesday Morning very early I sent for Dr. Yardly and Dr. Godfrey On the Wednesday I sent to London for Dr. Walter Needham My Dear Husband having Pains in his Side was by the appointment of his Physicians let-Blood three times After his third Bleeding he had a very sick Night but not sensible of his Illness for when I asked him how he did he said pretty well though to my apprehension he was very ill He groan'd all Night and very restless when I raised him in his Bed to take something to refresh him he had tremblings and a fumbling in his Speech and sometimes speak incoherently which made me fear he was a little delirous these bad Symptoms gave me the fear of the sudden approach of Death I again sent for Dr. Needham who lovingly came again to us These Colds with Fevers were then the Epidemical Disease both of City and Country of which many died by which distemper my Dear Husband was brought even to the Mouth of the Grave from which God mercifully retrieved and gave me him again Thus far the History of my Sickness by her Pen to which before I transcribe the Devotial Part I must add from my own Memory to the Praise of God's Grace and Patience The third time of my Bleeding was by my own peremptory Resolution which I hardly obtained the other Physicians consent to it being the night before Dr. Needham came the second time but God whose Mercy put it into my Mind inclined them to consent to the Arguments I used for it which were these I told them my Pain continued in my Side my Water as high and thick as ever my Heat also and dryness of my Mouth I raised purulent and bloody Matter and I bled at Nose and urged
Introduction pag. 3 SECT I. Of her Birth and Parentage pag. 5 An Account of her Book out of which most is transcribed concerning our selves and Children Time and Place of her Birth pag. 9 Her Parents Her Father 's early Prudence and a strange over-ruling Providence which brought him to be a Citizen which was the spring and occasion of many consequent Mercies to her and others pag. 10 The tenderness of her Spirit when a Child pag. 13 A great fault she was guilty of when young which was turned to her benefit in future Caution pag. 14 Her Father 's great Care of her and Confidence in her pag. 15 SECT II. How she was first awakened to a deep Sense of Religion by Temptation pag. 17 The first Onset by a blasphemous suggestion pag. 18 How she overcame the Temptation to Atheism pag. 19 Her long struggling with Temptation and the first glimpse of Comfort pag. 20 Kept half a Year by it without sleep or very little pag. 22 Means of her Recovery and some gradual Relief of which she hath an excellent Passage pag. 24 Yet she suffered renewed Onsets pag. 25 SECT III. Of our Marriage remarkable Passages concerning it pag. 27 SECT IV. Her Life in concise Epitome pag. 30 SECT V. How she spent a Day pag. 32 Rose constantly at Four of the Clock Spent two hours with God in secret An account of the rest till bed-time pag. 41 SECT VII For the number Six is omitted by the Printer How she spent a Week ibid. Her exact circumspection in sanctifying the Lord's Day Her whole method in it to Page 44 Monday Mornings Prayers for the Church of God which she constantly observed with great Zeal and Charity both for all the Foreign Churches and our own for many years ever after she had been informed of that commendable Custom set up in so many Families quite through the Nation ibid. Constantly spent Friday the Passion-day in Fasting and Prayer or if she foresaw Diversion unavoidable on that day chose one before it pag. 48 SECT VIII How she spent a Year Where are set down the Heads of the following Sections pag. 49 SECT IX Her Character as a Wife pag. 51 In time of Health to Page 55 In times of being Sick to Page 61 SECT X. Of her Lyings-in in Child-bearing ibid. SECT XI Of the Baptising our Children Her very commendable Practice on that occasion pag. 64 SECT XII Her Care of the Education of her Children pag. 66 to pag. 82 I give no touch at the Particulars of this long Section because I arnestly recommend the reading of the whole often over as being very Exemplary and usefull SECT XIII Of monthly Sacraments Her constant Communicating and serious Preparation pag. 82 SECT XIV Of her Writings pag. 84 SECT XV. Discreet management of her Family pag. 86 SECT XVI Visitations by Sickness on our selves or some of our Children pag. 92 to pag. 115 This is so large and hath so many exemplary passages of indefatigable Watchings fervent Prayers gratious Answers humble Submission to God that I leave them to the Reader 's own Observation SECT XVII Renewed Assaults of her Enemy by Temptation pag. 115 The usual Seasons of which were Indispositions of Mind by Sorrow or of Body by Sickness pag. 116 Her Methods of Resisting 1. Conference with Experienced Christians 2. Reading suitable Books 3. Entring her solemn protest against them under her hand in appeal to God which you find Page 119. with this Title In time of Temptation writ by me Elizabeth Walker followed with a most devout pathetick Prayer SECT XVIII Friends she used to pray for by name and the form of Prayer in which pag. 123 I name those in the Body of the Prayer but omit to name them in the Margin above Thirty Heads of Families not being set down in order according to their Qualities SECT XIX Some trying Calamities on the Nation on Friends or Family and signal Deliverance from Dangers pag. 126 The great Plague and the number that died ibid. The Fire the number of Churches and Houses burnt pag. 127 Other Afflictions on particular Friends pag. 12â— On our selves pag. 129 to pag. 13â— SECT XX. Of our going to Tunbridge-Wells ibid My reasons of writing on it How she made that placâ— of Divertisment and Hurry a place of Retirement anâ— Vacancy to Devotion to pag. 14â— SECT XXI Of keeping our Wedding-day and Enteâ—tainment of our Friends ibid SECT XXII Of the Marriage of our only Daughter and her Death in Child-birth the same Year yet leaving a Son pag. 148. 'T is no wonder she wrote so much of heâ— own who used not to pass by what concerned others 〈◊〉 the Lady Mary Rich and the Lady Essex Rich theâ—â— Marriages with a devout Prayer for each pag. 149. Thâ—â— is a large Section most transcribed from her own Papers full of most excellent Devotion and humble Submission to God's smarty blow to pag. 161. And then 〈◊〉 most pathetick tenderness to the Dear Child pag. 16â— SECT XXIII Acts and Kinds of her great Charity ibid An account how it might be call'd her Charity though she were a Wife and great Charity by which shâ— gave though all she had to give were in truth but little I allowed her what my small Estate would afford all she gave of that was properly her own Charity and mine also in several respects might properly be called her's to pag. 171. She gave considerably more every Year out of her allowance than she spent upon herself She would buy Cloath from London by the whole piece to Clothe the Poor cause strong Linsey-woolsey to be made to give away imploy the Poor who wanted Work never buy any thing too cheap of the Poor People c. was bountifull to her poor Relations pag. 175 Yet never reproached her self or me by a sordid garb but secured her own decency with great Prudence while she relieved the Poor with great Charity pag. 176 Her Charity in Pains was next to that of her Purse in getting and using her skill in Physick and Chirurgery and Women labouring with Child pag. 180 Her forgiving Charity pag. 181 Her Moderation towards them who were not of the same Communion pag. 182 to pag. 185 SECT XXIV Of her care to promote God's Glory and the Salvation of Souls pag. 185 SECT XXV Several Graces in which she was most Eminent pag. 188. Knowledge Faith Charity Patience Sympathy with others pity to the Poor Repentance Reverential Fear of God Love Obedience Sincerity Modesty Courage Meekness Contentedness Thankfulness Tenderness of Conscience Improvement of Time Zeal Humility from pag. 188 to pag. 209 Her Sickness and Death pag. 210 The APPENDIX pag. 232 Directions to her Children concerning Prayer pag. 214 to pag. 223 Some Heads of Prayer formed according to those Directions pag. 224 Marks of a Regenerate Estate pag. 229 to pag. 233 A Consolatory Letter written to the Right Honourable Isabella Countess of Radnor upon the surprizing Death of her dearly-beloved Daughter the
other Blessed be my gracious God for his great Kindness to me in them both After Three Years continuance in that Family upon the Death of Dr. Read my Lord presented my Dear to Fyfield in Essex a competent good Living and Subsistence blessed be God for it Good Lord crown his Ministry there with the Success of the Conversion and Bringing in their Souls to the Obedience and Knowledge of Jesus Christ Give him abundance of the Graces of thy Holy Spirit and store his Heart with the Treasuries of thy heavenly Truths and continue my Dear Husband a faithfull painfull able Labourer in thy Vineyard If what I have thus far touch'd may savour of any Vanity the modesty of what I have past over may excuse the Errour at least to them who may see the Original Manuscript Now to return to her of whom I write she proceeds I was Born at London in Bucklersbury on Thursday the 12th of July in the Year of our Lord 1623 and Baptized the 20th Day of the same Month. The Lord vouchsafing me a reception into the visible Church of Jesus Christ when he most justly might have suffered no Eye to pity me but have cast me out to the loathing of my Person in my original Defilement and Stains of my sinfull Nature But to my first admittance good Lord enable me to ascend that being a Member of thy Church militant here on Earth I may attain to be one of thy Church triumphant in Heaven My Dear Father was Mr. John Sadler a very Eminent Citizen and of a most generous loving and charitable Disposition and a most tender Father to me and a kind Father-in-Law to my Husband He was born at Stratford upon Avon in Warwickshire where his Ancestors lived My Grandfather had a good Estate in and about the Town He was of a free and noble Spirit which somewhat out-reach'd his Estate but not given to any Debauchery I ever heard of My Father's Mother was a very wise pious and a good Woman and lived and died a good Christian My Father had no Brother but three Sisters who were all eminently Wise and good Women especially his youngest Sister who married my Father's Partner in Trade a religious good Man In process of time my Father was desired to change his single estate accordingly a Match was provided for him but he by God's Providence approved not of it His Father then provided him good Clothes good Horse and Money in his Purse and sent him to make his Addresses to a Gentlewoman in that Country But he considering well how difficult a married Condition was like to prove his Father having reduced his Estate from about 400 l. a Year to 80. His own Prudence but especially God's good Providence over-ruling his mind instead of going a Wooing he join'd himself to the Carrier and came to London where he had never been before and sold his Horse in Smithfield and having no Acquaintance in London to recommend him or assist him he went from Street to Street and House to House asking if they wanted an Apprentice and though he met with many discouraging Scorns and a thousand denials he went on till he light on Mr. Brokes bank a Grocer in Bucklersbury who though he long denied him for want of Sureties for his Fidelity and because the Money he had but Ten Pounds was so disproportionable to what he used to receive with Apprentices yet upon his discreet account he gave of himself and the Motives which put him upon that Course and promise to compensate with diligent and faithfull Service what ever else was short of his Expectation he ventured to receive him upon Trial in which he so well approved himself that he accepted him into his Service to which he bound him for Eight Years to which he willingly submitted though he was then full Twenty-one Years old and there he served a faithfull and laborious Apprenticeship but much liked of his Master and Mistress And after served him Five Years Journey-man they not being willing to part with him In which time he had his Master's leave to Trade for himself in Drugs and Tabacco by which he left Grocery and was by Trade a Druggist in London And by that Profession God bless'd my dear Father with a very plentifull and good Estate with which God gave him a bountifull Mind and liberal Heart to doe much good to his Relations and others My Dear Mother Mrs. Elizabeth Sadler was the Daughter of Mr. Dackum sometimes Minister of Portsmouth Also my Grandmother Dackum was a very wise and prudent Woman In my Infancy I was very sickly and of a weakly Constitution Blessed be God for the Love and Care of Parents and Friends in my Childhood Estate She was her Parents first Born after Five Years Marriage and despair of having Children which rendred them exceeding tender of her and yet was she well nigh starved at Nurse at Lusam in Kent For though her Parents sent so bountifully besides the Nurses Wages as might near maintain the Family yet have they found the Meat they sent ready to stink for want of dressing In my fuller Age I was of a pensive Nature God saw it good that I should bear the yoak in my Youth but I did not consider the hand that put it on When I was Young the Lord was pleased to deliver me from many Casualties After naming them she always concludes with Praises Blessed be his preventing Mercy Blessed be God that preserved me in that danger And such like If St. Augustin's confessing of his robbing an Orchard be so much approved why may not I touch so small a thing as I meet with here which shews the tenderness of her Spirit When I was a Child my Mother would send me where she less trusted my Sisters In what I might fail I cannot call to mind but I remember she sent me where she kept her Apples they suited my childish Appetite I took one I could not keep it but thought I had stole it I went back unlock'd the Door but with some regret laid down the Apple Blessed be restraining Grace But I must pass over a great many things for brevity which might be usefull unto others and are very pleasant to my self in reading for the savory sense of pious Gratitude which all along breaths in them yet I will not hide the greatest fault I ever knew her guilty of in my own observation or find her charge her self with either in her Book or Diary Having written many things which I pass by and last concerning the burning of her Father's House she thus proceeds About half a year after the Fire which was when she was about Thirteen or Fourteen years old my Father had a great fit of sickness which held him a quarter of a year and in great danger of Death In which time of his sickness I poor wretched Creature through a sudden surprise and provocation spoke a wicked word to a superior of which my Father was informed and most
yet more occurred in every one well worth observing To begin with the first day of the Week or the Lord's Day the Queen of days the first-born of all the Children of time in her esteem to which she accounted a double Portion to be due of religious observance and most raised Devotion and always paid it She was scrupulously sollicitous both of the Negative and Positive Duties she judged to be required on that day both to prevent the violation of that holy Rest and to sanctifie it I might subjoin a short Treatise of that Subject if I should collect and put together what I meet with from her own Pen concerning it in several places For the first as she gave it the full dimensions in early rising so she would not suffer it to be intrench'd upon by any works but of absolute Necessity and Mercy ordered things so that her Maids must never make a Cheese that day and would seldom use the Coach to carry her to Church except in extremity of way and weather and though none gave freer welcome on other days would forbear inviting any on that day to prevent diversions and if Friends sometimes came in would as soon as it was possible without uncivil rudeness withdraw into her Chamber After Dinner at which she especially eat sparingly on that day to prevent drowsiness at Church She constantly called all the Family together to hear them read the Scriptures and if any Neighbour were sick within such distance as would not hinder her timely attending publick Worship would not fail to visit them and all the day she practised her self what she oft advised others Isa 58.13 She turned away her foot from the Sabbath from doing her pleasure on God's Holy Day and called the Sabbath her delight the holy of the Lord honourable and honoured him not doing her own ways nor finding her own pleasure nor speaking her own words but delighted herself in the Lord and in his Service For the positive Duties Being early up she spent as much time in dressing her Soul to meet God and as little as was possible in adorning her Body to the Eyes of Men though always with a grave and decent neatness She always retained a profound Reverence for the Name and Presence of God so that she was always attentively devout at Prayers and Sermons to which she brought all her Servants with her that they might not stay loitering idly at home or by the way and her Eye and Example would awe the ruder youth into becoming Carriage for which end she would sometimes rise up and look about her with good effect After publick Worship finished she would retire for a considerable time to recollect and pray over the Sermons and after finishing what was her custom on other days to doe Besides the Servants reading every one a Chapter when my weariness would not allow me to repeat the Sermons she would desire my Curate to read some good Book and oft would she do it her self She read in the Family the Lord's Day the seven night before she died good part of Dr. Sherlock's Treatise of Death and I must say I remember not I ever heard Man or Woman exceed her in this kind I confess with shame I could not doe it so well for tho' she altered not a Syllable of the Author's words her Reading might be called a Reading and giving of the Sense for tho' she read quick she did it so smoothly and distinctly and would place the Emphasis upon some word in every Sentence so intelligently without any affected tone or vehement alteration of her Voice that the change was scarce perceptible not so much as betwixt what we call flat and sharp in Musick and yet would strangely facilitate the understanding of the Sense to low Capacities an infallible evidence of her clear understanding it herself After Family Prayer spending some little time more than on other nights in committing her self to God she went to Bed and adding to her usual Ejaculations Praises for the liberty of another Sabbath Prayers for acceptance of the days Services and pardon for the Iniquities of her holy things she went to rest and such were every Week's First-fruits On Monday Morning awaking with God and having blown off the Ashes which veil'd the Embers kindled by the ardent Fervour of the preceding days Devotions she kindled them into an holy Flame with which having offered up the daily Morning-Sacrifice she next brought her Peace-offerings for the whole House of Israel She had a very publick Spirit and enlarged Heart on which she always bore the concerns of Zion and preferred Jerusalem above her chief Joy She stretched out her craving hands over the World as you 'll find her express her self that the mighty God who calleth the Earth from the rising of the Sun to the going down thereof would shine out of Zion the perfection of Beauty that he would pity them who sit in darkness and the region and shadow of Death that he would destroy Satan's Kingdom and set free those who are in bondage to it that he would exalt the Kingdom of his dear Son till the little Stone cut out of the Mountain without Hands might become a great Mountain and fill the whole World and all the corners of it might see the Salvation of God that he would effectually call out of Babylon his captivated People that yet are detained in it that he would water abundantly with the fruitful Showers of his Grace all the Churches which his own Right-hand hath planted and that he with whom is plenty of Spirit would pour it out abundantly and furnish himself with fit Instruments to carry on the work of his own Glory and Salvation of Souls that he would give Pastors after his own Heart who might feed his People with Knowledge and Vnderstanding that they may be delivered from Ignorance Error Heresie and all Ungodliness that they may adorn the Gospel with such a Conversation as becomes it that all over whom the Name of Christ is called might depart from Iniquity Beseeching the Lord to pour out abundantly the true Spirit of the Gospel on all who made profession of it with all its Operations and Graces as a Spirit of Wisdom Knowledge and the Fear of God of Faith and Holiness Repentance and universal unreserved new Obedience especially as an healing Spirit of Unity and Peace mutual Forbearance true Christian Charity and Brotherly-Love and as a mighty Spirit of Grace and Supplication to obtain these Blessings for themselves and one another for the Churches of the neighbouring Nations round about by name that God would give them one Heart and one way that the nick-names of Lutherans and Calvinists might be forgotten and Ephraim and Judah might be one Stick in the Lord's Hand especially for the distressed Protestants of France that God would turn his Anger from them cause them to be pitied by their Brethren and effectually relieved that God would shew them why he contended with them help
them to repent of whatever had provoked him to so heavy displeasure that their dross being consumed in the furnace of Affliction he would chuse them to himself break the Iron Yoak from off their Necks bound on so close by the hand of proud and cruel persecuting Tyranny that being fitted for it they might once more be intrusted with their Civil and Religious Liberties and be gathered home from all the Countries into which they are scatter'd to their own Land in Peace and Safety and never forfeit it again But with more ardent Zeal if more be possible did she pray for the Peace of our own Jerusalem and wrestle with God to render these Nations fit for Mercy for though she had a grateful sense of vouchsafed Deliverances yet when hopes were gayest and affairs most promising she was full of Fears and Expectations of impending and approaching Judgments and would often yea very often say for out of the abundance of her Heart her Mouth spake That if we traced God's footsteps in the Scriptures he must change his usual methods if he took not Vengeance of so provoking a Nation which would not be healed but in the midst of so many changes would not be changed from open Profaneness mutual Hatreds and scorning and opposing serious Holiness and solid Religion and the power of Godliness Good Lord avert from her survivors what she so reasonably feared and thou hast freed her from the feeling of The Righteous are taken away from the Evil to come The rest of this Day she spent as others are described and so the rest till Friday the Weekly memorial of our Saviour's Passion On this after some necessary Family Affairs dispatch'd she constantly retired and spent it alone in religious Fasting The House of Levy apart and their Wives apart Zach. xij 13. And remembring who had blamed exacting all their labours on a fasting Day Isa lviij 3. she gave her Maids that day to work for themselves to read or spend more time in Prayer if they had hearts to doe it And if she foresaw any unavoidable diversion as being from home or Strangers to come to us she would prudently prevent the loss of that Day by chusing one before which might afford her the best vacancy And though I confess she usually set but one day in a week apart when I was at home I have been since her death informed both by those in my Family and by her Diary that in my absence she spent two three yea and more days in a week so I add no more concerning her Week but her awakened remembring on the last day of it the approaching Sabbath and solemn preparing to meet the Lord of the Day on that day of our Lord whose presence I comfortably believe she now enjoys in a continual Sabbath everlasting Rest And this is the second Edition of her Life's Epitome how she spent every Week SECT VIII How she spent a Year I Next proceed to give account how she us'd to spend a Year in the larger Revolution whereof there occurred many things which fell not within the narrower compass of a Day or Week nor all precisely into that circle taken strictly and with rigour yet are fairly reducible to that Head Many of her Years which consisted of such Days and Weeks as above described being fill'd up with her prudent holy submissive Deportment under and godly Improvement she made of such Circumstances and Conditions of Life as these that follow many yearly at least often 1. Her most endearing Affections and obliging Observance as a Wife to my self 2. Her Lyings-in in Child-bearing 3. The Baptizing of our Children 4. Care and Methods of their Education 5. Monthly Sacraments 6. Of her Writings 7. Discreet Management of Family 8. Visitations by Sickness on our selves or Children and some of their Deaths 9. Renewed assaults of her Enemy by Temptation 10. A Catalogue of her Friends she used to pray for 11 Some trying troubles on the Nation on Friends or Family Signal Deliverances from Dangers 12. Going to Tunbridge-Wells 13. Keeping our Wedding-Day Entertainments of Friends 14. Marriage of our onely Daughter Her death in Child-bed the same Year yet leaving a Son 15. Acts and kinds of her great Charity 16. Care to advance God's Glory and Salvation of others 17. Several Graces in which she was most eminent 18. Her Character All which If I should pursue not in an historical Narrative of them that 's neither my design nor business but in her glorifying God in them and making a spiritual Improvement and Advantage of them and to teach others how to doe the like I might write a Volume of them from the wise pertinent and holy Memoirs her Pen hath left me and my own observation and memory would supply me with My greatest labour therefore here will be to contract and I must leave out much of that which my own Judgment tells me if my Affection do not greatly bribe and flatter me might not only be passable but very exemplary and usefull I might have added more particulars and set them in better order and not blended so promicuously together Heavenly and Earthly Spiritual and Secular Concerns But it matters not they both come within the compass of my design to shew how good she was in all relations and conditions she was Mary and Martha both unto perfection and acted Martha's part with Mary's Spirit SECT IX Her Character as a Wife I Should be too ungratefull to her Memory should I not begin with the endearing Affections and obliging Observance she always paid me as an Husband on which Subject it is impossible to exceed or Hyperbolize though Love should render so dull a Pen Eloquent if that be not an impossible supposition Our mutual compellation was always my Dear not a word of coarse or empty Compliment but the sincere interpretation of the Language of our Hearts All my concerns were nearer to her than those which were immediately her own were I in any sort afflicted she would with Passion wish she could exempt me from it by bearing it her self Whatever toucht my Reputation Peace or Saftety toucht her in the most sensible and tender part I could give two most trying Instances of Envy and Malice but I lay my Finger on both those Sores that it may appear blessed be God's Grace I am guided by a better Spirit than to revive the memory of what we both so heartily forgave and so oft and earnestly jointly and severally have begged of God both to forget and pardon unto those who by their present Passions were hurried so far as to afford us the tryal and exercise of Christian Fortitude and Patience and so meek yea generous a Charity as I would not stand in need of from any Man for all the World On both these occasions how did she comfort me how did she counsel me to commit my innocent Cause to God assuring me he would not fail to plead and defend it and bring forth my Innocence as
that Nature indicated thereby what must relieve and rising up in my Bed I stretched out my left Arm and humbly committing my self and the Success to God said I would Bleed again The Physicians then consented and proceeded to the Operation and opening a Vein in my Left Arm the Blood sprang out so abundantly that they drew at least ten Ounces After the closing the Orifice being laid down again My Dearest Dear who had been all my Sickness my tenderest Nurse my wakefull Watcher and all yea more than could be wished or expected or possibly performed without a spring of so strong and endearing Affection to give and guide the Motion became my Chaplain if I may have leave to use such an Expression and before the Symptoms she hath mentioned arrived at their height kneeled down by my Bed-side and wrestled with God in Prayer with such spiritual Fervency and expressed herself so appositely so pertinently so suitably and with such holy Ardour poured out her Soul to God as I never knew exceeded if equalled by the ablest Christian or Minister in all my Life Surely if ever the promise of pouring out a Spirit of Grace and Supplication was signally made good it was then made good to her and the effects of it to me for as she was a true Daughter of Abraham an Israelitess indeed she rose from her Knees a Female Israel she prevailed with God I fell into so great a Sweat as was scarce ever known and though the Night was full of the Symptoms she names which so afflicted and affrighted her yet she retained her Presence of Mind to assist me with holiest Words and kindest Deeds In the Morning Symptoms abated and when Dr. Needham came and had felt my Pulse He told me he came directly from Dr. Willis who dyed that day at Eleven a Clock of my Disease but added with a Smile he would not have told me so but that my danger was past and said That under God my last night's Bleeding and Sweating saved my Life without which humanely speaking I could not have escaped blessed be God who put that Resolution into my Mind and heard her earnest Prayers Now to return to her Pious gratefull Words I desire to bless God for every Circumstance of his Mercy in my Dear Husband's Sickness The helps and love of Friends the use of Physick with other means the constant and frequent Visits of Neighbour-Ministers their Prayers for us and of many other Friends and good People in our behalf to which I ascribe a great share of indulgent Mercy in sparing to me a little longer my Dear Husband God did not cast out the Prayer of the Afflicted but in my Distress when I cryed unto him he graciously inclined his Ear unto me and helped me Good Lord enable me with my yet continued Mercy mutually to acknowledge thy Kindness and by an exemplary holy Life to declare thy great Goodness to us Building up each other in our most Holy Faith as Heirs together of the Grace of Life And this Mercy wherewith thou yet intrusts me Lord help me more to improve to my Spiritual Advantage and continue him to length of Days with the abundant Gifts and Graces of thy Holy Spirit a choice and signal Instrument of thy Glory I bless thee for thy supporting Mercy in my Relative Duty in my many sorrowfull Nights and Watchings that when my Sleep departed from me I still might make my Addresses to thee who never slumberest nor sleepest for thou always seest the afflictions of thy People and knowest their Sorrows and wilt not despise them that seek thee thou hast restored Comfort to me and to my Mourners praised be thy Mercy 'T is hard to pass-by her tenderness to me of so recent Date as my last Year's Visitation which held me so many Months and brought me so low and at length settled in my Right-hand with such swelling and lameness as took away its use and under God I owe the recovery of it to her Skill and Pains and Kindness by her frequent bathing fomenting and annointing of it and preparing other both inward and outward Medicines so far to use my Pen to pay this small tribute to her happy Memory SECT X. Of her Lyings-Inn in Child-bearing GOD was pleased to give her strength to go out her full time of eleven Children six Sons and five Daughters besides some abortive or untimely Births And if ever Children were Baptized in their Mothers Belly excuse the Expression doubtless hers were so I mean solemnly Consecrated to God with fervent frequent Prayers and wash'd in a Jordan of her Tears who bore them as truly in her Heart as Womb. I find all their Births recorded with most savory and devout Reflections tho' some with more Enlargement as attended with more signal Circumstances I might transcribe them all that the sweet Spirit of Praise which breaths so fragrantly in every of them might kindle and excite the like Temper in others no Incense being more gratefull to the Nostrils of that God who saith He that offereth Praise glorifieth me but I must contract The twelfth of July 1651 God mercifully Deliver'd me of my first Child In 1652 I being big with-Child had an high Fever and was after a great and very hot fit delivered of a Daughter Aug. 29. Being Lord's Day between four and five in the Morning my Fever turned to an Ague and held me ten Weeks and brought me very low yet God in his Mercy graciously spared me and restored my Health I bless him for it Feb. 5. 54. God delivered me of a third Child our first Son God gave me a fourth Deliverance of a Daughter still-born Dec. 23. 55. I went my full time and might have been ever big Blessed be God that spared his unworthy Creature God gave me a gracious Deliverance of a fifth a Son May 15. 57. God gave me a Mercifull Deliverance of a sixth Child a Daughter June 8. 58. After a long and hard Labour continued three days and three nights in great Extremity all about me despairing of Life God mercifully Delivered me of a seventh Child a Son October 22. 59. which Mercy much affected my Dear Husband and for which my Deliverance I most humbly Bless God I confess I never knew to what degree I loved her till that time and never experienced such Raptures of Joy and Thankfullness for any worldly Matter as on that occasion the Impression of which was so deep that the remembrance of it hath a pleasing relish even to this Day God gave me a gracious Deliverance of an eighth Child a Son still-born after an hard Labour December the 11. 1660. In this Lying-in I fell into Melancholy which much disturbed me with Vapours and was very ill It pleased God to suffer my old Enemy very impetuously to assault me c. But more of this when I touch the return of her Temptation God gave me Deliverance of a ninth Child a Son October 9. 1662. God graciously gave me a
speedy and safe Deliverance of a tenth Child a Daughter November 14. 63. Of this Child more hereafter God gave me a mercifull Deliverance in a difficult and hard Labour my eleventh and last Child a Son still-born May the first 1665. Lord I bless thee for my manifold Deliverances in these and all my straits I beseech thee inable me to render unto thee suitable returns of Praises and Thanksgivings Three of my Children were still-born which with the rest the Lord hath been pleased to take out of this Life I humbly hope and do believe are now happy in Heaven enjoying God to all Eternity SECT XI Of the Baptizing our Children THose of my Children whom God waâ— pleased to admit by Baptism into his visible Church on Earth I can truly declare and that without Hypocrisie whatever may be my censure that notwithstanding my present weakness in Childbed I made it my Practice to importune God for a Blessing upon his own Ordinance fitting my self for those Addresses as I thought most suitable to Prayer by getting up out of my Bed which I made haste to doe as soon as the Company which went to Church with my Child had quitted my Chamber which was always and most to my Satisfaction on the Lord's Day Lord this is for my Comfort and for which Practice I humbly bless thee and for the liberty of all thy Holy Ordinances and Priviledges by them And blessed be that God who styles himself a God hearing Prayer that he suffered not his Face to be sought in vain for all the Children who lived to any years of Knowledge gave very comfortable Evidences of their living up to their Baptismal Covenant as shall be accounted for when their Deaths are spoken of And upon this occasion of speaking of Baptism it brings to my mind what I hope I may without Prejudice relate to shew how impartially I write of her what I have heard her argue concerning the use of the Cross very modestly and prudently she had indeed no Bigotry for the outward appendages of Religious Worship yea was fearfull many lost much of the Substance by being over-fond of the Shadow Yet would she not run into the contrary Extream and she would say she wondred so many good People took offence at the sign of the Cross for said she though I know the Papists superstitiously abuse it and I fear some put more stress on it than they should or is designed or required by our Church yet their abuse of it should not prejudice the use of it as rightly understood which said she I take not to be intended as any part of the Sacrament nor to effect or produce any thing in the Child which it would want without it but to be a Memorial of our Saviour's Passion and the Shame and Pains he bore for us and whatever may put us in mind of these methinks should not be hardly thought on I should be partial here should I forbear to add her declared dissatisfaction at the imposing the whole charge in the Administration of Baptism on the Susceptors without including jointly at least one of the Parents for which with other Reasons she would rarely undertake the office of a God-mother and when she did own'd it as a Bond upon her Conscience to be strictly discharged SECT XII Her Care of the Education of her Children NExt to their Baptism properly follows her Prudent Pious Care in the Education of her Children that they might want no Accomplishments in this World she could assist their attainment of but especially to train them up in the true and early knowledge of Religion and Nurture and Fear of God And here I might write a Treatise larger than the whole Book without borrowing from any but only her Pen and Practice She considered Children as the nursery of Families the Church and Nation and that Errors in their Education were hardly Corrected ever after therefore she improved her utmost Diligence and Wisdom to teach them whilst young the way in which they should walk that when they were old they might not depart from it She accounted it not only an Indispensable Duty to be done but an high Honour to be intrusted by God with the care of bringing up a Child for him and she did not more truly travail in pain of them to bring them forth than she did to bring them up that Christ might be formed in them Without Vanity she was as compleatly qualified for this Performance as was possible to be desired or wished she was Mistress of her Needle to that degree that she would blame herself that she had spent so much time and industry to attain it in Worsted Silk and finest Thread for Poynt none exceeded her though they earned their Living by it And for Houshould-Imployment all that knew her wondred she could so soon attain such universal Dexterity and accomplished Skill in Country Affairs being bred and living most of her time in the City but she being of very quick natural Parts and close application of Mind to Business soon made herself Mistress of whatever she set herself to not only in what strictly concerned her Family-Inspection to direct and instruct her Maids in Cookery Brewing Baking Dairy ordering Linen in which her neatness was curious even to Excess and the like But in Physick Chirurgery to assist the Neighbours of the Parish and some Miles about which she performed Skillfully Readily and with great Success as they acknowledge by their grief for her loss and the Furniture of her Closet still will witness which she left furnished better than many Country Shops and also in Preserving making all sorts of English Wines Gooseberry Curran Cowslip Quince c. and whatever else was curious to entertain and please her Friends of higher Rank to whole Testimony I appeal whether this is not less than might be truly said and yet her Wisdom the true Wisdom of preferring Religion above all these remained with her and all she knew she was ambitious to infuse and to transmit unto her Daughters who did not abuse her Hopes nor shame their Teacher I shall not insist on her Prudent Methods to accomplish them in the affairs of this Life my Business being to make good Christians not good House-wives by her Example Her first Care was to keep their Minds uncorrupted by Vanity or Pride therefore kept them at home not to save Charges but avoid Inconveniences and therefore that they might not want what she could not perform entertained a French Dancing-Master in the House and had a Writing and Singing-Master come to them at fit Seasons How much and how well they performed by their Needles by the help of a well qualified Servant but chiefly by their Mothers guidance who taught both them and her I wave the recounting of because if it seemed not incredible I own it would be Impertinent and it may be censured as Vanity But all this was by-Business comparatively her Work and Business was to cultivate their Minds
the happy estate of the Saints in Heaven and ends with these words It is an eternal Happiness which is the crown of our crown She concludes the whole with Prayer Dear and blessed Lord how unsearchable is thy Wisdom Goodness and unspeakable loving-kindness to poor Sinners I beseech thee take off my affections to the transient things of this World and wean my Heart from the Love of this present Life for at thy right hand are rivers of Pleasures and in thy Presence fullness of Joy which no mortal Eye hath seen nor Ear heard neither can it enter into the Heart of Man what thou hast prepared for those that love thee for which blessed estate and rest good Lord fit and prepare me thy poor and most unworthy creature even so come Lord Jesus Amen Amen The Tenth Head is marks of a regenerate Estate by way of Question or Examination Dost thou c. which she shuts up with this Prayer after three Pages Blessed Lord thou art good and continually dost good unto thy People I beseech thee deliver me from a fluctuating and hesitating Mind and help me that I may with full resolution and fixation of Soul cleave unto thee that no lord besides thee may have Dominion or Rule over me but that I may with full purpose of Heart chuse thy Service which may obviate all the Temptations of this World either in the good things or bad things of it or any thing which would stand in competition with thee to allure me or deterr and scare me from thee Thy Service is perfect freedom Lord help me to make that good choice Amen The last Head is a very large and devout Form of Prayer and Thanksgiving that as she had before in the Theory described Prayer and given Directions how to render it acceptable to God and prevalent with him so she might exemplifie those Rules that her dear Children might be taught both by Rule and Example how to make their Addresses to the Throne of Grace to honour God and obtain Mercy to help in time of need I am sensible how long this Section concerning her Care of her Childrens Education is yet I might have easily made it twice as long yea 't was hard to avoid so doing I wish it may be exciting and usefull to any Women to stir them up to and assist them in the like diligence that a Duty the neglect of which is of so bad consequence both to Parents and Children yea to the Church and Kingdom may be more laid to heart and wisely and conscientiously practised Amen SECT XIII Of Monthly Sacraments I Take the Liberty to call them so because that was the designed stated return of them though I confess they were sometimes deferred to five or six Weeks Revolution because our plain Country People in some more busie times had not the Vacancy from their urgent pressing Employments as Harvest for Serious Preparation She was a frequent yea constant Communicant I remember but one Sacrament in all the Years we lived together from which she was absent and that was one of the Easter-Sacraments when she had Received the Lord's Day before She was always very Devout at the Celebration and had an high Esteem of that Office in the Liturgy and her Preparation was always very Serious before never omitted to spend one Day at least in Ritirement to Fast and Pray and examine herself and humble her Soul before God and most of the Week would be much alone Reading the best Books of that Subject of which she had many or Reading them in the Family to prepare the Servants and would often prompt and exhort others not to turn their Backs upon that Holy Feast to which God himself so lovingly Invited them and yet withal caution them not to run to it Rashly and without Consideration that they might neither Starve themselves by neglecting that Food of their Souls nor Surfeit on it for the want of those Graces upon the Exercise of which depends the Digestion of it into wholsome and strengthening Nourishment and when she came Home she would give Solemn Thanks and beg of God to make her constant in the Covenant she had so signally renewed with him SECT XIV Of her Writings I Know not whether most to wonder at the quantity or quality of her Writings I find so many and they all so wise and good and the rather because her Pen was the only thing at which she was slow and the time spent in Devotion and Family-Affairs was so much that either of them might have exhausted all had she not improved every Moment and let none run to waste She was exceeding Expeditious in whatever she took in Hand and would dispatch a Business while another would be going about it yet which she would bewail but could not conquer she was slow at Writing beyond what was ordinary She had been used from a Child to a kind of Set-Hand and took off her Pen almost at every Letter which put a great stop to her speed She writ very streight fair and legibly for such a kind of Hand yet was long about it which notwithstanding besides the large Book of which so much before she hath left many both Books and Papers Copies of good Letters Meditations and the like There is one endorsed thus Contemplations on the 104 Psalm 10th Verse In which besides a large Ingenious and Pious Introduction shewing what led her to the following Thoughts which was chiefly the consideration of God's unlimited Goodness to all the Works of his Hands as the great Benefactor of the whole Creation which she handsomly illustrates in four Pages contains 190 Pages of the largest Paper of Twelve-pence a Quire Having set down the Words He sendeth the Springs into the Valleys which run among the Hills she thus begins This Scripture hath a large Extent it hath a double Blessing in it Temporal and Spiritual Enjoyments the one may be extracted or drawn from the other it affords the upper by the nether Springs The Valleys and Hills represent two sorts of Men the fruitful Valleys are the Character of good Men the barren Hills are the Character of bad Men both Temporal and Spiritual Blessings are given at least tendered to both good and bad but they are differently received and so she proceeds to so great Enlargement and by many more Allegories Piously to fill up near thirty Sheets close written but I refrain giving a farther Taste There is also a large Meditation of a Bee caught in a Spider's Web and assaulted by three Spiders successively after she had been dis-entangled once and again to which she compares a Christian hamper'd in the Snares of Satan and after some Freedom yet again and again molested by him and very Piously and Ingeniously runs the Parallel in many Particulars in near two Sheets which she concludes with a very devout Prayer which respects her own afflicted and vexatious Tryals by renewed Temptations which may be suitably touched when I come to that
sometimes two by the Glass She would be attentive at the reading the Scriptures in the Family and ask her Sister the meaning of some Passages she understood not She would constantly goe alone to Prayer She told one of the Maids the Devil tempted her to Play at Prayers but she had pray'd against him and that he did not trouble her so much since She desired one of her Sisters to grant her a Request and said that she must not deny her Which was Not to refuse any good Counsel when ever it was given her but to accept of it from whom soever it came Another time being with her Sisters as they sate at Work she told them all those things would be dirt in Heaven And it most concerned them to get their Sins Pardoned and an Interest in Jesus Christ Discoursing of the Vanity of this World and Happiness of being Good and fit for Heaven As she had opportunity she would frequently be giving good Counsel with much Sweetness and Gravity If she were ill she would strive to hide it for fear of Grief to her Father and my self saying when we ask'd her how she did Pretty well I thank God Four Days before she died when the Maid went to help her up in the Morning she told her she was very Sick but God would doe her good by that Sickness and she should love him the better for it In this last and short sickness she had very serious apprehensions of Death Said she should die but was not afraid of Death And desired she might die quietly and without disturbance The Physician desiring to give her a little Wine ask'd her if she loved Sack she answered No. He desired her to take a little She said she would if he pleased but she did not love it to fuddle with A few hours before she died she desired to go to Bed out of which she had been taken by reason of the Flegm that troubled her and I being unwilling she said she would now go to Bed for adieu and for all Where she fell a sleep in Jesus enfolded in the Arms of Everlasting Mercies She resigned up her Soul with these and the like Expressions Lord let me come to thee my Lord and my God And Lord Jesus receive my Spirit I acknowledge the Words were given her but she readily received them and oft repeated though she could not speak but with difficulty she had been so affable and winning to all Rich and Poor that many shed more Tears for her than at the departure of their own Children she was much desired in Life and of all who knew her much lamented at Death How partial soever this Relation may seem to any and as from bribed Affection yet I assert the Truth to God's Goodness who hath ordained Praises in the Mouths of Babes and Sucklings and hath I humbly hope now perfected the same in the Consummation of her Eternal Bliss in the Fruition of himself to his Everlasting Praises I have hitherto in this Account left out many remarkable Passages for Brevity let me obtain liberty to transcribe the rest of the Paragraph verbatim word for word as her Pen left it Lord I bless thee that of Eleven for whom I Praise thee thou hast yet spared me two I beseech thee if it may consist with thy good Pleasure continue them in this World keeping them from the Evil of it to a good Old-Age choice Instruments of thy Glory God Lord Sanctifie them with thy Grace and Holy-Spirit and with an Indelible Character and Inscription stamp thy own Image on them that they may be thine by Grace and Adoption Lord be thou their God and Portion I beseech thee put them not off with any thing less than thy self Good Lord I beg that thou wilt take a through and full Possession of their Souls and give them to retrieve my Errors by a more early knowing serving and loving of thee and punish none of mine Iniquities with their Sins but keep them blameless to thy Everlasting Kingdom and bind up their Souls in the bundle of Eternal Life Amen Amen January 23. 1669. Was a day of Mercy to me in the midst of my Affliction being Lord's Day my sweet Mary lying then Dead with us in the House the extremity of my Affection forced me into the Chamber where she then lay a cold piece of Clay I there poured out my Soul to God in Prayer and from thence returned into to the Chamber of my signal Mercies I have received from God who comforteth those who are cast down Though he denied my vehement Desires and wrestlings with him in the time of her Sickness for her longer continuance with me in this World the Lord abundantly made up and compensated my Loss I took my Bible and my Intention was to Read in the New-Testament to allay my own Grief with the dolorous Sufferings of my Saviour but my Bible suddenly fell open in my Lap and my Eye presently fixed upon Habbak 1.12 which was powerfully set home upon my Heart with great Comfort and Refreshment with full Measure running over streams of Mercy and Loving Kindness yeaâ— of tenderest Mercies flowing into my Soul an Eternal God in exchange of a transient Comfort The Lord tendered me himself who is from Everlasting with this Propriety the Lord my God opposing his all-sufficient Righteousness against all my Unrighteousness My Holy One I should not Dye but Live Lord how hast thou silenced my inordinate Passions and Affections in superabundantly out-bidding all Creature-Comforts and Relations I beseech thee enable me so to live here that I may ever live with thee where I shall sin no more and Grief Sorrow and Sighing shall flee away The same Lord's Day in the Afternoon my Daughter Elizabeth whom God gave me June 8. 1658. to our great Satisfaction and Comfort suddenly broke out into a Flood of Tears and most Pathetical Vehement Desires after God and his Grace with Confession and bewailing of her Sins with such sensible and suitable Expressions as shewed it came from her very Soul which drew plenty of Tears of Love and Admiration from us all O my God how shall I love thee how shall I Praise thee for this Grace which I trust was the Work of thy Blessed Spirit Good Lord confirm and establish the Thoughts of her Heart before thee for Ever This day was a Tragi-Comedy if I may so speak Bitterness turn'd into surprizing Sweetness Weeping had continued for a Night but Joy came in before the succeeding Morning even Joy unspeakable and full of Glory I never remembred my Dear under such transports of Spiritual Peace and Satisfaction as from the Consolations of God from the Manifestations of his Love which flowed into her Soul from that Scripture above-named and I may truly say the Impressions of it never wore wholly off but even at many Years distance the naming of those Words would renew the Spiritual Relish she tasted in them and the briny Tears for the natural
kept this Trouble to her half a Year only her Sister knew it and oft see her sit and Weep most bitterly but I humbly hope God gave her strength against the Temptation and quieted her Mind After she revealed this Affliction and better understood the nature of these Troubles which as God enabled me I informed her and strove to Comfort her In the time of this last Sickness she oft asked me to Pray with her which when I performed I was too absolute with God for her Life all the time of her Sickness without express Submission to his Will The Lord pardon the Extremity of my Affection In this Sickness she was very tender-hearted expressed herself very Understandingly and Piously in Prayer with other sweet and gracious Requests to God she begged of the Lord that the Infection of her Disease might spread no farther in the Family which Desires of hers the Lord heard and granted For which Preservation I do desire to be thankfull to the God of our Mercies which in the midst of his just Judgments for my Sins in this heavy stroak shewed us much Compassion in preventing our farther Calamity in that Disease The dear sweet Child oft said She should die yet saying If the Lord pleased to spare her she would labour with watchfulness to serve him better and to amend all she had found amiss desiring me to be her faithfull remembrancer She was troubled that sometimes she had lain in bed too long in the morning especially for being straitened for time on the Sabbath Day which caused her to slubber over those Duties which should have been better performed bewail'd her unprofitableness and promised if she recovered this sickness better to observe the Lord's Day To the Physician that attended her in her sickness she said That he had many opportunities in going to sick and death Beds to mind him of Mortality and though none should be excusable before God yet they should be most inexcusable that had such frequent warnings Said That in health was the fittest time to prepare for death for in sickness she could do little more than consult her ease Dear Child she one Morning desired to see her Father and that she might see his Face saying She had now taken her leave of her dear Father's Face But the Lord spared her a little longer and she did see him again and now I humbly hope she sees the face of her Father in Heaven Dear Child she desired her Father and my self to forgive her in what she had at any time offended us saying If the Lord saw it good to spare her she hoped she should double her Diligence in her Care that she should never grieve us in any thing But this testimony I bless God I can give of her Few Children exceeded her in dutiful loving Obedience to her Parents She express'd her self very affectionately and honourably of her Sister and that she was sorry she had sometimes diverted her by staying in her Closet when she would have been better employed Sweet Child she was very tender spirited and was troubled for several little things which were very small or no Offence and if she had done any thing amiss would ask forgiveness She would sometimes say to me my dear Mother you cannot conceive what passes through my poor head nor what your poor Child endures And then she would bless God that what she suffered was not Hell where the Damned had not a drop of water to cool their Tongue And said What is that I feel compared to the sufferings of my Saviour who under-went such torments to save Sinners Dear Lamb she desired that what Money she had might be given in the Parish to some poor people whom she named and that her dear Father would extend his Charity out of what he would have bestowed at her Burial Which was performed In the whole time of her sickness I was not from her but one night not being well the last night but one before she departed this Life neither was I from her at any time but when the pressing necessities of my frail Nature urged it for a little rest and she was very glad when she saw me again and would express her loving Affections and Thankfulness to me for my Care of her I had many sweet endearing expressions from her of her Love and Duty She said If the Lord spare me I hope I shall do thus as I have promised But if I die my dear Mother you will remember what I now said to you and I could be content to be a little Child again that I might lie at your Breast and Bosom I have transcribed this long account hoping it may be usefull to some young Gentlewomen Daughters of my dear Wife's Christian Friends or others into whose hands their kindness or God's Providence may put it Now follows her exemplary Submission and Improvement She was exceeding desirable to us for the loveliness of her Person sweetness of her Disposition readiness of her Obedience quickness of her Parts serious Inclination to the ways of God and many sweet and winning Qualities which rendered her exceeding amiable and very pleasant to all that knew her But it was the Lord the sovereign Lord of us and her and all the world whose she was much more than ours God doth all things well wisely righteously gratiously and most faithfully The Lord was pleased to stir up great sympathy and tender Compassion in his People with many Prayers for her in her sickness and for us since and though it pleased God to deny them for her longer continuance in this World yet blessed be God we have great cause to hope in his Mercies that those Prayers are not lost but for the Sake Merits and Mediation of her Redeemer and Saviour Jesus Christ are granted to an higher end in eternal Bliss Good Lord sanctifie all our Afflictions to us that we may bear them with meekness and submission that they may not only be the Effects of thy Displeasure but of thy adopting Love Good Lord sanctifie this heavy Affliction to us and shew me in particular why thou contendest with me Therefore besides thy Holy Righteous and Wise Providence and Immutable Decree which had determined her time and the measure of her Days which I desire humbly and with all Submission to Adore and Acquisce in Good Lord give me to know and lay to heart the forfeiting Cause on my part which mov'd thee to smite with so severe a stroke in bereaving us of so desirable a Child and so great a peace of the comfort of my Life in this World Lord pardon my Ingratitude for Mercies injoyed that I have not so improved them to thy glory by a more carefull circumspect exemplary holy Life I beseech thee forgive my slackness in seasonable reproofs admonitions advice and counsels to my Children or others Although thou seest good to cut short my opportunities yet help me better to improve what thou wilt still intrust me with and forgive me
enquired he of them the Hour when he began to amend And they said unto him Yesterday at the seventh Hour the Fever left him so the Father knew it was the same Hour in which Jesus said unto him Thy Son Liveth and himself Believed and his whole House She intimates that and when she powred out her Requests to God in my behalf and that her Heart was much quieted and she went to her Rest and God gave her the Repose of the Night and I know it was the same Hour in which I was delivered from those violent Men and I do believe God heard her Prayer and Bless him for it And O that others would believe him to be a God hearing Prayer and would be encouraged to call earnestly upon him There follow after this more than twenty eminent Dangers by afflictive trying Providences and very signal Deliverances from them I 'll touch but one of all these before I reach one at about thirty Years distance from what I last mentioned though all attended with Devout Reflections July 4. 1676. My Dear Husband was under some Indisposition of Health he was Feverish I feared he would have had a Fit of Sickness which had very sorrowful oppressive Impressions on me My Dear Husband then made his Will that is a new one for I had made one many Years before and read it to me exprest his much Endearing Affections to me in his great Love and Care of me with so great a part of his Estate he gave to me for my Plentifull Susistence after his Decease This Kindness I desire to acknowledge with Thankfulness to God and my Dear Husband Lord I Bless thee for thy sparing Mercy in the reparation of my Dear Husband's Health which I beseech thee continue to length of Days in this Life and when this shall be no more Lord crown with thy exceeding Weight of Eternal Glory Amen Amen Since which making another Will I gave her my whole Estate Personal and Real what designed for Charity and a few Legacies excepted with power to sell any or all my Lands lest any un-foreseen Emergency should need extraordinary Supplies but she earnestly intreated me to alter that Power of Selling being abundantly satisfied to confine herself to the Personal Estate and Revenue of the Land which I gave her liberty to raise Money upon to be repayed in some Years after her Death to make as sure as I could she should never want any thing which I was able to supply her with which I mention to encourage Wives to deserve as well and Husbands to compensate so well-deserving Wives What should have been immediately subjoyned to my Escape from violent Men in 1660 because of the too great similitude between them is my deliverance in 1685. I will not say from more unrighteous yet I must say from those which are more inexcusable for God himself seems to extenuate the Fault of them who in Necessity take from others to satisfie their own Hunger and pressing Wants but I never read that either God or any Man except those like them excused those who sin of Malicious Wickedness and gain nothing besides the filling up the Measure of their Iniquities but the satisfaction of their own spightful Malice in troubling and afflicting others I will not transcribe what her Pen so largely so truly so piously sets down on this occasion only the number of the Days which I confess she calls the short Triumph of the being exactly Ten puts me in mind of Rev. 2.10 and if this fall into the Hands of any who made themselves Accessories and guilty post factum by a snearing Pleasure they took in the wicked Oppression of the Innocent I pray God give them Repentance And I think it is no harder to forgive them than it was for Tertullian to glory in the Christians behalf that Nero was their first Persecutor whom he speaking in their Name calls Damnationis nostrae Dedicatorem It must needs be good which Nero persecutes And we have a surer word St. John 15.18 19. A great many more afflictive Dispensations the Divine Wisdom and Faithfulness saw good to exercise us with to enforce us often to the Throne of Grace to obtain Mercy to help in time of need and many most signal and surprizing Deliverances from them did his Goodness and Loving-kindness seasonably vouchsafe us from them and most gracious Supports did his tender Compassions afford us under them frequently bringing Meat out of the Eater good out of evil filling thereby our Hearts with his Love and our Mouths with Songs of Praise and Thanksgivings to him the Rock of our Salvation and our Refuge in times of Trouble and repeated Experiences of his readiness to pity and to succour us raising up those hopes which make not ashamed All which she records with so savoury a sense of God's Mercy and such lively Expressions of most humble and holy Hallelujahs as might inspire most serious Sentiments into the Reader but I shall slide over them in silence because as I hope many do not need those Sparks to kindle their gratitude into Flames so many are of so prejudiced a frame of Spirit that to use so base a word as fitted to so base a temper of Mind they would rather put them out than suffer them to kindle into a blaze of Devotion on so damp an Hearth as are the Hearts steep'd in impure noisome Lusts not only destitute of all Sense of the Power of Godliness but implacable Enemies to it in all who own and love it SECT XX. Of our going to Tunbridge-Wells THough it be known to many that we most frequently went to Tunbridge-Wells from 1661 and after some Intermissions almost every Year till 1689. yet more may wonder why I write a Section of it here to which this short Account might serve for answer I doe it because I find so much concerning it under her Pen who is the Subject and occasion of the whole But that 's not all it is to shew how she behaved her self there as well as with what Christian Frame of Spirit she attended God's Providence in expectation of a Blessing from him who made the Fountains of Waters and gave to them their usefull Properties and rendred them very beneficial to her Many 't is true go thither solely or chiefly to drink these Waters for their Health but it is as true many go thither for Pleasure and Diversion only as many for a mixed reason including both and to this last Rank belongs her going thither But lest any should be surprized by this I must Interpret my self She went thither to drink the Waters which oft proved very advantageous to her and that End was common to her with many others and she went for Divertisement and Pleasure as many more and this also was common to her with Hundreds in Sound but not in Sense or Meaning and it may be was peculiar to her and it is possible few if any ever went so many years to Tunbridge-Wells
but my Dear Wife's Pains and Trouble I told her we had now continued this Custom a great while and that I thought it too burthensome to her a Dinner signified not much to the Rich and for the Poor I would take Care they should be no losers She at present seem'd well pleased with what I said and acquiesced in it But upon second Thoughts she said My Dear I thank thee for thy Tenderness to me to prevent my Trouble but I am rather willing to undergo it were it greater than to discontinue a Practice so long used constantly and thereby occasion any mis-interpretation as if it proceeded from Parsimony or abatement of Kindness therefore I intreat thee let us continue to doe as we have hitherto done Yearly only let us try to have all in two Days we used to have in three and if our House will not contain them all at twice to some of the poorest I will send double as much as they could have eaten here And so it was agreed and performed and so her last Christmass was as kind and Charitable as those of former Years SECT XXII Of the Marriage of our onely Daughter and her Death in Childbirth the same Year yet leaving a Son IT is not to be wondred at that she should write so many Pages of this Come-Tragedy as I called another Providence mentioned before a Trage-Comedy whose Pious Kindness was so mindful in Holy Prayers and Praises not of her self alone but of her Honoured Friends I shall touch but one or two for Instance and I cannot single out any more suitable than of those Right Honourable Ladies whose sweet Condescension not only vouchsafed to give this our Dear Daughter frequently their kindest and familiar Conversation but borrowed and desired hers almost whole Summers divers Years Concerning these young Ladies thus her Pen speaks The Lady Ann the Lady Mary and the Lady Essex Rich had a Pious Education under â—he tender Care of the Right Honourable the Countess of Warwick their Aunt whose great Care of them and Kindness and Love to them supplied and over-shot the measures of what could be expressed to them by the tenderest Mother Of two of their Marriages she writes thus December the 11th 1673. The Vertuous and Right Honourable the Lady Mary Rich was Married to Mr. Henry St. John the Eldest Son of Sir Walter St. John a Pious good Family and an ancient Barronet and great Estate Blessed Lord thou hast abundantly enriched them with the Blessings of the Nether Springs full streams in the good things of this Life let it not be their all but turn these Waters into Wine give them the Blessings of the Vpper Springs the plentifull Effusions of thy Spirit flowing into their Hearts and Souls that they may build up each other in their most Holy Faith as Heirs together of the Grace of Life June 16. 1674. The Honourable Lady Essex Rich was Married to Mr. Daniel Finch Eldest Son to his Father then Lord Keeper of the Great Seal of England Good Lord give them the Blessings of thy Right-hand and continue to them the Blessings of thy Left-hand also But let not their Portion be only in this Life let thine own Prerogative have the Supremacy in their Hearts and accelerate and quicken them to thy Service that Glorifying thee on Earth they may be in Everlasting Glory with thee in Heaven Amen Amen I will mention no more like Instances and humbly beg Pardon if I have been too bold in touching these I now come to the Title of this Section and shall add nothing of my own only transcribe and that with Abbreviation what her Pious Pen hath left me not that one Word need to be retrenched upon other accounts but only to avoid Prolixity January 17. 1675. My Dear Husband and my Dear Child Margaret Walker went to London in reference to our great Concern her Marriage our onely one so dear to us She was Married February the 1st 1675. to Mr. John Cox Barrister of Grays-Inn His Father lived at Coggshall his Relations very honest good People and very well to live in the World God hath graciously provided for her a loving Husband a sober Person and I hope a good Man God consummated their Choice by Mr. Gifford a worthy good Man Minister of St. Dunstan's in the East in London whither she was accompanied by the Right Honourable the Countess of Warwick with the chief of the Family from Warwick-House and with many other manifestations of Kindness God shined upon her and in all respects gave her a comfortable Day I draw the Curtain of a modest c. over the rest lest the Thankfulness of her who was so truly humble should incurr the unkind censure or suspicion of Vanity and concluding what I have omitted with these Words And with many other Favours God hath honoured them She proceeds Lord I desire to own thy Goodness as the Fountain Head from whence flows all Good to be enjoyed in the things of this Life and concerns of a better and more endurable Estate for their Souls advantage For which I beseech thee give them a capacious Heart to know love serve and enjoy thy self and vouchsafe them of the good things of this World what thou seest convenient for them and help them to be contented to be without what in mercy thou deniest them Good Lord keep both them and theirs inoffensive in this World and when they shall go hence and be no more in this Life Lord grant that where thou art they may be also in Eternal Glory Amen Amen Thus far the pleasant and more lightsome part Now follows what 's more dark and dolefull I have now a very smarty afflictive Dispensation from God to record very pressing by his afflictive Hand on us I acknowledge very deservedly for my Sins the Lord hath taken from us out of this Life our onely One the most dearly Beloved Daughter and Child of my choice Aâ—fections Mrs. Margaret Cox she was mâ—â—ried February the first 1675. The 19th 〈◊〉 November following she was Delivered of a Son Lord's Day seven a Clock in the Morning She continued pretty well two or three Days Tuesday following sickned of a Fever and dyed December the 5th 1675. But God in the midst of his just Judgments remembred his Mercy to us hath spared the little one to us Blessed be God for it and received the Motherless Babe into Covenant with himself by Baptism I Bless God he is the Son of good Parents his Father a very sober and a good Man his dear deceased Mother was a fine lovely handsome well accomplished Woman both in Nature and Grace to God's Praise I do make my Acknowledgments let it have no other Censure She was of a quick Apprehension modest humble discreet and of a good Judgment and well fitted for Family-Government and Imployment She had a sweet amicable Deportment and gracefull Behaviour these Endowments through God's Kindness to her rendred her very desirable to all that knew
Advantage her much bewailed Death to prepare for which had been her daily work for many Years which happened February the 23d this present Year 1690. Her Sickness was short but blessed be God her great Work was not then to do She began to complain Wednesday Noon but dined with me took her Bed that Afternoon with design to sweat with a Dose of the Lady Kent's Powder but could not sweat I sent for Dr. Yardly early Thursday Morning a Vein was opened other Administrations ordered which seemed to succeed so well that we had scarce any apprehensions of Danger She sate up four hours Saturday till seven at Night and thought herself and so did we refreshed and better by it but a complicated Disease a Rheumatism Erysipelas and Peripneumonia by God's Wise and Holy Righteous Ordering prevailed against her Strength and our Hopes And on the Lord's Day she passed to her dearest Lord and the well-beloved Bridegroom of her Soul to begin that Eternal Sabbath which shall never be interrupted nor cease She spake not much in her Sickness hindred by the shortness of her Breath and swelling of her Face What she did was suitable to her Holy Life and I believe God hid from her as well as us the near approach of her Death in Mercy to us all One of the last Words she spake to me was before my going to Church A short Prayer my Dear before thou goest She was Buried February the 27th following with that decency which is fitter for others to relate than my self and now she sleeps in Jesus who by his Burial perfumed and warmed that Bed of the Grave for all his Members where we leave her in hopes of a Glorious Resurrection when her Dust shall rise to praise him AN APPENDIX Containing some few of the Directions she wrote for her Childrens Instruction mentioned Sect. 12. And some few Letters written by her I Desire it may be remembred she wrote these not for grown and experienced Christians who might be fitter to instruct her than be assisted by her much less with the least Prospect they should ever be published or seen by many Eyes my own never saw them till hers were closed but I hope may be useful for young ones and Beginners and as such I recommend them to her Friends to communicate to their Children if they think good and have not given them better of their own and therefore it is not just to measure her Abilities by the scantling of this Performance but to consider the End to which it was designed to suit the Capacities and assist the tender Minds of those for whom they were written when I guess they might be about twelve or fourteen years of Age for one of them died at sixteen and with this equitable Allowance I hope they may be very passable if not commendable and usefull For my Dear Children Mrs. Margaret and Elizabeth Walker IT is the duty of Christians to Pray fervently and frequently with Faith with Humility with Sincerity with Constancy with watchfulness in the Spirit with Warmth and Life Prayer is a means whereby we give Worship to God giving him the Glory of all his adorable Perfections Prayer is the Soul's Motion to God Desire and Expectation are the Soul of Prayer Prayer is a knocking at the Door of God's Grace and Mercy in Christ for all manner of Supplies you stand in need of Prayer is a Wrestling with God the Lord is willing to forgive ready to hear and help yet he delighteth to have his Strength tryed Gen. 32.24 25. The work of Prayer is not so much to lift up the Hands and Eyes and Voice as to lift up the Heart and Soul In Prayer is required extensiveness and intensiveness of Mind and Heart with Importunity which consisteth in a frequent renewing of our Suits to God notwithstanding all discouragements with a patient waiting for returns of Grace Prayer must be a Premeditated Work as to the Sins to be confessed the Wants expressed the Mercies acknowledged but especially to have right apprehensions of the Purity Majesty Immensity All-sufficiency Fidelity and Bounty of the Lord to whom you Pray with Faith in his Promises and Providences and his Almightiness to supply your Wants in the things of this Life and the Life to come Be much with God in Secret Prayer and let not the fire of the Spirit and Holy Zeal be wanting in any Duty which in the Hearts of God's People send out Holy Vapours of fragrant spiritual Desires and Requests to God Vials full of Odours which are the Prayers of the Saints Rev. 5.8 compared to sweet Incense Mal. 1.11 How near are the Saints thus exercised to Jesus Christ There is but a step as it were between them and Heaven What precious answers of Grace receive they oftentimes from the Oracle of God You will do well to observe the fittest Season for Secret Prayer though a Christian is to Pray at all times yet at sometimes more especially when we meet with any new Occurrence of Providence every fresh dispensation of Providence is a prompt to Prayer as when any Affliction befalls us Jam. 5.13 So when any fresh Mercy is received it is a fit season to go aside and to acknowledge God's Goodness and our own Vnworthiness 2 Sam. 7.18 When you find the Spirit of God moving upon your Soul exciting you to the Duty Cant. 2.10 your Hearts should answer again Thy Face Lord will I seek Psal 27.5 When you find your Heart in a settled and composed Frame then also is a fit season for secret Prayer When as David's your Heart is fixed not disturbed with any Secular Business The Morning also is a fit Season for Secret Prayer the Mind is most composed and troubled with fewest Diversions See her Practise Sect. 5. pag. 33. It were well to be with God as soon as you awake to offer up to him the first-Fruits of every Day this was with others David's manner Psal 5.3.139.3 The Evening also is a fit Season for Secret Prayer Psal 55.17 not only to begin but to conclude the Day with God Sleep not till you have begged his Pardon for your Sins committed and Praised him for the Mercies received that Day When you go about any Holy Duty set by all Worldly Occasions say to them as Abraham did to his Young-men Stay you here while I go aside and Worship God Gen. 22.5 Do not ordinarily go to Prayer when your Anger is stirred and your Mind full of Perturbation 1 Tim. 2.8 lest you offer up the Sacrifice of a Fool 1 Kings 19.11 12. and speak unadvisedly with your Lips Do not actually engage in Prayer when you are inclined to Sleep and Drowsiness you must be wakefull when you Pray if you would watch unto Prayer Also allot and set out a due Proportion of Time for the Duty of Prayer a slighty huddled Prayer is a blind Sacrifice carlessness in Prayer breedeth and feedeth Inconstancy and Instability in Prayer Slightiness in Prayer is an
Sheep and his Lambs You have put your hand to God's Plough good Mr. Ph. let not the flattery or fear of Men make you warp from the streight Rule of God's Word You know the most and worst that they can doe and with the same resolution make the Apostles choice Acts 20.24 He that will put the evil day from him may soonest fall by the evil of the day and instead of finding may loose this and eternal Life The evil of Sin will produce much worse than present Sufferings If God call you forth as he did the Martyrs with their Flood to give testimony to the Truth even those Sufferings they esteemed light for the Hope set before them an Eternal Weight of Glory at the greatest length our Lives are not long in this Word Death spares none not the greatest Monarchs a great Man is fallen in our Israel our late Sovereign I have very valuable Thoughts of you you will not despise small things which gives me this Presumption I know you have greater Motives from God's Exiting Grace in you to quicken you to and assist you in your Master's Work than my narrow Scantling can afford happy they that so do they shall neither be ashamed nor affraid when their Reckoning-day comes of which happy number Lord grant you to be I am good Mr. Ph. Your Assured Well-wishing Friend Elizabeth Walker March 15. 84. I publish the following Letter because I intend to give the Book to my plain Parishoners most of whom stand upon the same Level with him to whom it was written Persons of higher Rank may pass it by or give it to their plain Country Tenants I thought to have given an account how one of her Sister's Daughters came to be in so low a Condition whose Father might have given every Child more than a Thousand Pound had he continued the Diligence which he used for several Years after his Marriage with her Sister and the fair Portion he had with her but as she was not ashamed of her Condition no more am I and as things were 't is well she had an Aunt to assist her to match with a sober industrious Man and their joint Stock enable them to manage a Farm of about Fifty Pounds a Year on which they hitherto have and I hope will continue to live comfortably and contentedly Cousin Robert Glassock YOU have not a Friend that more truly desires your Welfare than my self and shall be most affectionately glad of your well-being in this present World but I hope I should much more rejoyce in your certain and assured Interest in a better Life I desire you may obtain both of God who is the giver of all good I beseech you that you may to apply your self to that direct Rule and guidance of God's Word which counsels you to seek the Kingdom of God with his Righteousness in the first place and then you have the Promise of him that is both faithfull and able to perform his Word That the things of this life shall be added unto you as an additional to your future Happiness to which if you could gain the Wealth of the whole World 't would be but like picking up of Straws and Pebbles compared to that Blessed Estate for any thing in Exchange he will make a bad Bargain that ventures the loss of his Soul It was the saying of a good Man that gave a right Judgment That the whole Turkish Empire was but a Crust the Master of the House threw to the Dog How then shall not God the Lord of the whole Universe provide for them of his own Family that are Heirs of the Kingdom of Heaven I request you let it appear to whom you belong shew it by your Christian Profession in the whole Course of your Life to which your Baptism hath engaged you with the Inscription of God's Law which get writ with an indelible Character by the Finger of his Spirit upon your Heart by the use of God's Word you may acquaint your self in your Bible There God gave his Commandments in few and plain words that the meanest Capacity might understand and remember them A great part of the Bible is an Exposition of them You can read it is your Mercy improve that Talent to your Master's use You cannot doe his Will except you know it Therefore as God's Word directs you so observe to doe his Will that you may have regard unto all his Commandments in keeping of them there is great reward Therefore mind the Precepts and put them into practice heed the threatnings against whom and for what that they may deterr and affright you from the way of Sin that you may avoid the end of Punishment Take notice of the Promises and value them as they are worth make them yours by fervent and frequent Prayer and fulfilling the Conditions of them This I do earnestly request of you and the same of your Wife and that you will Pray together and a-part that you may be Heirs together of eternal Life Set up religious Worship in your little Family the smalness of your Family will not excuse the neglect God as he doth require it he will regard where there is but Two or Three he hath promised to be with them I beseech you do not deferr in any known Duty least disuse give you more difficulty to future performance Habitual Customs are most prevalent But to quicken you to this Duty consider for the default of it God's threatning Jeremiah 10. the last I pray you take that Counsel 1 Chron. 28.9 Not to be so bad as others is a step to a good Life But he that goes no farther will fall short of eternal Life I have so good thoughts of you your disposition is not to the Debaucheries and Vices of some but negative Righteousness is not enough With other religious Duties I have already mentioned I most earnestly press you to a strict Observation of the Lord's Day Sanctifie God's Seventh Day and he will Bless your Six Days Labour It will also be a good Hedge not onely to secure your eternal State but all that God may bless you with in this World See the two last Verses of the 58. Isa Read the whole Chapter it may be very profitable to excite you but I beseech you do not violate that Holy Rest by unnecessary Employments in worldly Affairs nor spend that Day in Idleness or Sleeping more than you would in the other Six Days Do not sacrilegiously rob God of his Worship in any part of his Day do not divert by vain talk but give every proportion of time the Duties it requires Be not like those that were weary of the Sabboth Amos 8.5 See likewise Malachi 1st and 3d. Mark the extent of the Fourth Commandment it doth not only require Masters of Families but reacheth all under their Charge their care is required as well for their Souls as their Bodies or else there is no difference made of them from their Cattle therefore you must
writ upon the two Tables of thy Heart and Practice with his own Finger the Holy Spirit that thou mayst receive the Truth in the Love of it being renewed in the spirit of thy mind He that is in Christ is a new Creature and he that hath not the Spirit of Christ is none of his It is the one thing necessary to serve God and save thy Soul chuse that good part that may never be taken from thee Dear Johnny Let no day pass if in health without reading the Scriptures one or two Chapters in the Old-Testament the like in the New-Testament read with intention of Mind and so hear the good Word of God in publick and as God hath commanded keep Holy the Sabbath-Day do not violate that Holy Rest with Play Recreation vain Talk Sleep or Idleness or omitting any Duty it requires Eat moderately that Fumes from a full Stomach may not cloud thy Intellectual Performances withdraw from that Company and those Objects which may hinder thee from thinking on the Sermons or any other Religious Duty in them exercise thy self and if God ever give thee opportunity be helpfull unto others in the like for their Spiritual Advantage that all within thy Power may serve the Lord hearing the good Word of God reading it Meditation Prayer and Praises to God are the Duties of the sabbath-Sabbath-Day spend no part of that in Visiting except to the Sick and Afflicted and allow it not to be done to thee by others sequester thy self from them and all Worldly Discourse but endeavour to keep that one Day in seven like the Angels and Saints in Heaven who serve and do not cease The Seventh Day is God's Tribute out of the Week he hath allowed thee Six for thy secular Concerns out of them bring thy free-will Offering sometime for thy Spiritual Advantage for which the Sabbath affords much and upon the due observation of it is assured from God to his People a communication not only of Spiritual Blessings but of Temporal Blessings also Read the latter part of Isa 58. Let no part of the Sabbath day slip without some Improvement for thy best concern for which also every day must be accounted for The Sabbath is an Hedge and Fence to all Religion if that be broken down there will enter all disorders of Life which Men are prone to to prevent which God seems to guard the fourth Commandment with the Authority of the three foregoing placing it in the midst and the fifth Commandment next on the other side bearing the Sword of the Civil Magistrate and by God's own appointment Numb 15.35 Moses caused the Man gathering Sticks on the Sabbath-Day to be put to Death Dear Johnny be affraid of the Powers though Men be remiss to punish the Breakers of God's Laws yet himself beareth not the Sword in vain Do not gather the Sticks of a mis-spent Sabbath a Day on which God hath set a special Remark a Remember to keep it Holy the great neglect and contempt of this Duty makes it more necessary to be prest more earnestly Keep all God's Commandments to break one link of the Ten violates the whole Chain Jam. 2.10 Keep it intire have respect to all God's Precepts in the latitude of them do not wander from them in the by-paths of a sinfull Life they are better than thousands of Gold and Silver they were of such a concern to David that he begs of God an Holy Compulsion make me to know thy Precepts Statutes and Commandments And Moses useth this Excitation to the Children of Israel for their observing God's Law Thou shalt keep the Commandments of the Lord thy God for they are for thy good Deut. 10.13 and 11.18 Therefore shalt thou lay them up in thy Heart and in thy Soul and doe and teach them Dear Johnny this doe thy self and as far as it may be in thy Power excite others in the same Duty that thou and they with Joshua's Resolution may serve the Lord Jos 24.15 Own God in this World as thou wouldst have him own thee hereafter Some glory in their Shame be not thou ashamed of thy Glory be not ashamed of the Profession of Religion Christ hath said He that is ashamed of me before Men of him will I be ashamed before my Father and his Holy Angels Dear Johnny God hath been very good to thee thou hast lacked nothing good for thee but God hath provided well for thee do not ill requite the Lord by the neglect of any known Duty or doing any thing contrary to the Law of God Sin is a very ungrateful thing do not provoke him to withdraw his Loving Kindness from thee for Soul or Body Woe if God depart What is said of a Tale-bearer That he separates near Friends the same will Sin do if not watched against it will separate between God and thy Soul and will bring an Evil Report to God with worse Effect than Joseph of his Brethren to their Father and will be of worse Consequence than stripping Joseph of his Coat not only the external Blessings of this Life but it will deprive thee of all Internal Comforts God's favourable Countenance which is better than Life and exclude from his Comfortable Presence for ever Sin put the Flaming Sword into the Angel's Hand to debarr our first Parents from the Tree of Life divested and stripped them and all their Posterity of their Original Righteousness and left them and their sinfull Off-spring naked exposed to all the Afflictions and Miseries of this Life and under God's Displeasure to their Eternal Ruine had not Free Grace recovered that lapsed Estate Thanks be to God for Jesus Christ Dear Johnny That thou mayest know that thou art one of those whom he so loved manifest thy Love to him by that Test that Christ put to his Disciples If ye love me keep my Commandments Love is a reflective Act if thou lovest God according to this Discrimination thou mayest know that he loveth thee and gave himself for thee and hath chosen thee one of his peculiar People zealous of good Works therefore if Sinners intice thee consent thou not go not with them lest thou learn their ways and get a blot unto thy Soul Let God's Law be the prohibition of every Evil Way set it with its drawn Sword against all Irregularities of Life that it may be unto thee as the Angel in Paradise to defend in thee the Tree of Life that no ill Practice with the evil Consequences of it may touch thee Dear Johnny Shew thy Love to God by thy Love to his People and poor Members of Christ Christ saith Hereby shall Men know that ye are my Disciples that ye love one another God requires the duties of the second Table of the Law as well as the first and Christ gives a concise and full account of both he being asked which was the first and great Commandment saith Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy Heart with all thy Mind with all
hear Books and Ballads cried of me about the streets though I had not acquainted any with my trouble but only Mr. Watson My Father's Sister my dear Aunt Quiney a gratious good Woman taking notice of my dejected Spirit she way-laid me in my coming home from the Morning Exercise then in our Parish She surprized me with an inquisitive desire to know what I ailed but I not readily informing her she ask'd me if I were not troubled with Temptations I marvelled at the Question and then acquainted her with my Affliction She from her own experience in the like case advised me which for the present was a refreshment to me for before I was not acquainted with any in the like condition with my self Some little time after my dear Father taking notice of me that I was not well but not fully understanding what I ailed sent for a Physician to me Dr. Bathurst who I hope was a good Man but I was much troubled at his coming though I knew my Father sent for him in his great care and love to me The Physician came to me one Morning before I was out of Bed he perceived my Distemper to be most Dejectedness and Melancholly With other talk he discoursed very piously with me I took the freedom to tell him I thought I did not need a Physician and with the expression of my respects desired him to forbear coming to me which the good Man did not take ill but with good counsel left me It pleased the Lord sometimes to refresh me with those Words of the Psalmist Why art thou cast down O my Soul and why art thou disquieted within me Hope thou in God for thou shalt yet praise him who is thy help and health of thy countenance and thy God How sweet is this propriety my God! Lord where thou givest thy Self thou givest All and thou who hast shewed me great and sore troubles wilt revive me again Thou hast brought up my Soul from the brink of Hell Thou wilt keep me alive that I shall not go down to the pit of Destruction I desired to go from home into the Country to some private good Family where I had no acquaintance which when my Father knew he readily granted my request My good Aunt understanding my mind she acquainted Mrs. Watson our Minister's Wife a good Woman with my desire by which means I went to her Father Mr. John Beadle an honest worthy good Man He was Minister of Banston in Essex My dear Father hired a Coaeh and went with me to Mr. Beadle's and with the expression of his tender love said to me That I should not want any thing to doe me good to the one half of his Estate And he was very bountifull in the requital of my receipts in that Family God's goodness to be acknowledged my dear Mother then was very kind to me I lived at Mr. Beadle's half a Year where I had the fatherly Care and Counsel and Prayers of that good Man with the great love of his Wife a very good Woman and very kind to me and the manifestations of the respects and care of their Children and Servants in any thing that might tend to my satisfaction and comfort The Lord requite it to them in spiritual Blessings with the Mercies of this Life In my continuance at Mr. Beadle 's the Lord afforded me with other opportunities and helps much time in reading and secret Prayer which through Grace I strove to improve for spiritual advantage and humbly hope for the sake and merits of Christ remains upon the file of God's Mercy for fuller returns of Grace For half a Year I do not know that I slept if I did it was very little and yet I did not want either sleep or health Blessed be God for his sustaining and supporting Arm. If I desired any thing that was gratefull to my Appetite when it was brought me I durst not make use of it because I thought it to be the satisfaction of a base sensual Appetite I did eat very sparingly which with my much weeping occasioned me some little inconvenience which became habitual When I had been at Banston about four months by God's providence for me Mr. Beadle exchanged one Lord's-Day with Mr. Walker then Chaplain to my Lord of Warwick at Leez the first time I saw my dear Husband When I had been at Banston half a Year my Father writ to me as to my coming home to which I was inclinable though my Father gave me my liberty It was in my thoughts that I was without natural affection Mr. Watson and his Wife being at Mr. Beadle's and returning to London I came home in company with them enjoying more calm of Spirit than when I went from home I bless God My Troubles wearing off more gradually which to my satisfaction I desired if God had seen it good for me might have been more signal in the discovery and manifestation of his favour in my Victory and Conquest of my temptation It is not for me to prescribe or limit the Holy One of Israel If I may take leave to beg and wait on him in whom are all my fresh springs for supply of Grace and Comfort if the Lord will give to me his unworthy Creature in pence and half pence what in bigger summs he sees fit to bestow on others that my dependence may be continually on him I desire to be thankfull Lord if thou wilt not subdue my Enemies at once yet make them tributaries to thy Glory and my spiritual advantage that these Amorites may be hewers of Wood and drawers of Water usefull to me that I may see my own deficiency and thy strength in my weakness For if thy presence goe not with me I shall soon desert thy cause and though I may be assaulted let me not be overcome but seeing the quarrel is thy own Lord undertake for me in this my military life here where there is no cessation of Arms that I may war a good warfare that those my Enemies which now affright me I may see no more for ever So grant Lord Jesus Amen Amen This minds me of that apposite passage in Dan. x. 10 11. and very applicable to her Case vers 9. Daniel was asleep upon his face with his face toward the ground then vers 10 And behold an hand touched me which set me upon my knees and the palms of my hands and then vers 11. he saith to him Stand upright On which place I meet with this Note The Lord doth not at once restore his Servants from their frailties that they by gradual comforts may prize every drop of Mercy beings not quickned all at once when they are mortified but may be admonished by the remainders of fears and frailties to keep their hearts humble and in continual dependence upon God I shall have occasion more than once to touch this dolefull string again 'T is recorded of our Lord that when he was Baptized He was driven of the Spirit into the
Wilderness to be tempted of the Devil and being forty days tempted of him St. Luke iv 2. then ver 13. When the Devil had ended all the temptations he departed from him for a season I would be cautiously tender of making comparisons to that Divine Pattern yet we remember that St. Paul tells us Rom. viij 29. Whom God did foreknow he also did predestinate to be conformed to the Image of his Son that he might be the first-born amongst many Brethren And the instance of the likeness betwixt Christ and his Brethren is placed Heb. ij 18. in being tempted God restrain'd her Enemy as she always call'd the Devil both in Speech and Writing sometimes for shorter sometimes for longer seasons Sometimes she hardly stood her ground and kept the field sometimes she so resisted as to make him fly and sometimes though more rarely by the help of the God of Jacob who taught her hands to war and her fingers to fight in this spiritual Combat and whom she us'd to importune to carry on this War at his own charge because the quarrel was his own she obtain'd signal and triumphant Victories and in the sense of them was filled with joy unspeakable and full of Glory was more than conquerour through him that loved her Rom. viij 37. Yet even after these she would complain that at some distance Beelzebub the God of Flies like that restless impudent and importunate Creature would return to Buz yea and attempt to blow her mind especially if there were any sore place found to light on any small remisness or bodily infirmity which abated her vigour to resist or keep him off But I shall leave at present this more dark and cloudy Scene and hasten to that which our gracious God of his infinite Goodness rendred so lightsome and comfortable to us both Blessed be his Mercy for it SECT III. Of our Marriage WHEN I had been from Mr. Beadle's half a year and then at Home my now dear Husband came to my Father's and as a consolatory Friend gave me a visit Some time after he came again and some Months having passed in more frequent Conversation God having determined our mutual love and liking did graciously with the approbation of my Friends consummate our choise in Marriage For which good Providence I bless God I was married by Mr. Watson at Hammersmith on July 23 1650. my Father and my Mother with other Friends went with me to Hammersmith The morning was lowring with small Rain and very likely to be a wet day which was uncomfortable and much troubled me But recollecting my self my Thoughts suggested to me what 's matter for these Clouds if the Sun of Righteousness shine through them upon us I had not got to the Water-side and into the Boat but the Sun expelled the Clouds to my comfort it broke forth and shined with that vigour and splendor that to the best of my observation which had great impression upon me I do not know that the Sun disappeared one moment that day from the first time I saw it to the going down of it but was as clear and bright a day as ever my Eyes beheld Thus God was pleased to condescend to my weakness Thus far my dear Wife's Pen. Let me take the freedom to subjoin The first visit I made to her with design to obtain her for my Wife walking some time alone in her Father's Parlour in which lay a fair Folio Bible on a Desk I casually opened it and the first verse I cast my eye upon was Prov. xix 14. House and Riches are Inheritance of Fathers and a prudent Wife is from the Lord which I have many times comfortably reflected on since To which I 'll add another good Omen When I went to buy a Wedding-ring the first which was offered to me had this Posie Joined in one by Christ alone which I liked so well I looked no farther and it fitted so exactly for the size no care or art could have made it fitter I am so far from putting any great stress on such little matters that I can say with the Psalmist I hate those who hold on superstitious vanities yet let me with due thankfulness remark not the effect but event and consequent Our whole married Estate was like the light of the morning when the Sun riseth even a morning without Clouds and as clear shining after Rain And if ever Man was blest with a prudent Wife I owe the depest acknowledgments to him that gave me that choice Mercy For though God sometimes did us the honour to suffer his own Enemies to declare themselves ours he oft convinc'd them always restrain'd them that they could not considerably hurt us And when unkind Envy hath levell'd at us it rather recoil'd than hit the mark Blessed be our defence and the God of our Mercies And for the constancy of mutual Affection if we sometimes differed in small matters we never disagreed or once closed our Eyes to sleep in Thirty nine years seven months in discontent or under dissatisfaction on either part So graciously did he who joined our hands and hearts turn our Water into Wine not only on our Marriage-day but till the mournfull period of it Blessed be his loving Kindness for it We were in great danger of a short conjugal Society as will appear from what next follows When we were first married we lived the first Year at Croyden in Surry with much love of the People and with other Expressions of kindness their great unwillingness to part with us my Husband's Ministry being very desirable to them The very next week after I was married there happened a contageous Disease at Croyden occasioned by the Nastiness and Stench of the Prisoners the Assizes being then kept there of which Disease both the Judges some of the Justices and many Inhabitants died my Husband preached at the Assize he was both with the Prisoners and the Sick yet God spared him for farther use for his Glory He had some degree of the Disease but I bless God it went off with Sweating and some other helps at my Father's House in London from whence we were not then fully removed SECT IV. Her Life in a concise Epitome IF I may hitherto seem to any to have forgot my Text I mean my Title Page I beg their pardon if they think I need it I shall in what remains keep closer to it and might draw her lively Effigies in Miniture with a Scripture Pensil and with few touches truly represent her Icon. Such as these To her to live was Christ and to die was gain The life she lived in the flesh she liv'd by the faith of the Son of God Her life was hid with God in Christ Her life was a continual Warfare against her restless Enemy Her life was a course which she so ran that she might obtain Her life was a daily Meditation on Death and serious preparation for it Her life was to follow after peace with men as much