task_n as_o appear_v by_o his_o most_o diligent_a and_o divine_a diary_n this_o necessary_a but_o much_o neglect_a work_n of_o self-tryal_n i_o find_v he_o begin_v at_o the_o spring-time_n aequinoctial_a upon_o the_o 10._o of_o march_n 1681_o ‥_o o_o holy_a and_o happy_a soul_n that_o have_v now_o his_o hard_a freeze_a heart_n thus_o kind_o thaw_v by_o a_o look_n of_o love_n from_o the_o son_n of_o righteousness_n as_o peter_n be_v by_o a_o look_v from_o his_o lord_n luke_n 22.61_o 62_o hereby_o the_o lord_n help_v he_o to_o say_v with_o the_o bridegroom_n in_o the_o song_n the_o winter_n be_v pass_v the_o rain_n be_v over_o and_o go_v the_o flower_n appear_v on_o the_o earth_n etc._n etc._n cant._n 2.10_o 11_o 12_o 13.1_o most_o bless_a spring_n of_o grace_n better_a than_o that_o of_o grass_n be_v now_o upon_o he_o though_o i_o can_v give_v so_o distinct_a a_o account_n of_o his_o diary_n as_o i_o will_v because_o it_o be_v write_v in_o obscure_a character_n only_o with_o a_o black_a pencil_n intend_v it_o seem_v sole_o for_o hiâ—_n own_o private_a use_n yet_o with_o the_o beâ—â—_n key_n we_o can_v get_v it_o have_v be_v open_v that_o such_o precious_a treasurâ—_n shall_v not_o be_v lose_v but_o communicate_v for_o the_o common_a good_a i_o begin_v here_o from_o the_o manuscript_n both_o as_o to_o the_o matter_n and_o as_o to_o the_o time_n as_o i_o can_v judge_v upon_o what_o sabbath_n day_n i_o hear_v a_o sermon_n upon_o peter_n go_v out_o and_o weep_v bitter_o after_o christ_n have_v look_v upon_o he_o say_v he_o i_o go_v to_o prayer_n that_o night_n and_o beg_v of_o god_n to_o give_v i_o peter_n repentanoe_n and_o in_o the_o earnestness_n of_o spirit_n i_o fall_v flat_a upon_o the_o ground_n before_o the_o lord_n to_o beg_v it_o then_o i_o lay_v long_o till_o i_o have_v some_o comfort_n from_o my_o god_n yet_o remain_v i_o dull_a and_o muddy_a till_o wednesday_n night_n and_o then_o have_v i_o some_o communion_n with_o my_o god_n again_o even_o a_o new_a taste_n of_o his_o first_o goodness_n and_o comfort_n in_o prayer_n on_o thursday_n night_n do_v i_o meet_v he_o who_o my_o soul_n love_v again_o which_o i_o find_v very_o useful_a to_o i_o find_v by_o woeful_a experience_n that_o without_o christ_n strengthen_v i_o i_o can_v do_v nothing_o spiritual_o nor_o before_o the_o sabbath_n ensue_v nor_o in_o it_o have_v i_o the_o sweet_a communion_n with_o god_n i_o use_v to_o have_v before_o but_o on_o monday_n night_n i_o meet_v my_o god_n have_v a_o pretty_a deal_n of_o time_n that_o evening_n for_o tuesday_n morning_n be_v not_o so_o good_a nor_o can_v i_o raise_v my_o heart_n at_o night_n till_o it_o be_v very_o late_o and_o then_o have_v i_o my_o former_a sweetness_n but_o much_o more_o upon_o wednesday_n the_o same_o i_o find_v upon_o the_o sabbath_n follow_v and_o on_o monday_n night_n and_o on_o the_o next_o night_n also_o though_o everdul_a at_o the_o first_o yet_o enlarge_v after_o upon_o wednesday_n night_n i_o pray_v twice_o successive_o and_o find_v more_o than_o ordinary_a income_n on_o thursday_n again_o i_o have_v inlargement_n but_o at_o the_o close_a the_o devil_n make_v i_o drowsy_a to_o cut_v short_a my_o duty_n etc._n etc._n but_o on_o friday_n my_o heart_n be_v keep_v better_o raise_v on_o saturday_n i_o beg_v of_o god_n to_o direct_v i_o how_o i_o may_v meet_v the_o blessing_n of_o the_o next_o sabbath_n which_o through_o grace_n i_o meet_v with_o on_o that_o day_n yet_o be_v trouble_v with_o wander_n in_o my_o evening_n duty_n on_o monday_n the_o presence_n of_o god_n be_v with_o i_o and_o make_v my_o duty_n sweet_a at_o night_n on_o tuesday_n i_o meet_v with_o a_o precious_a opportunity_n for_o my_o soul_n good_a on_o wednesday_n i_o do_v not_o so_o well_o which_o make_v i_o chide_v my_o soul_n for_o no_o better_o requite_v the_o lord_n kindness_n on_o thursday_n morning_n i_o have_v god_n presence_n &_o the_o same_o at_o night_n though_o trouble_v with_o wander_n on_o friday_n i_o have_v many_o outward_a mercy_n yet_o can_v improve_v aright_o neither_o god_n word_n of_o grace_n nor_o his_o work_n of_o mercy_n on_o saturday_n have_v spare_a time_n from_o business_n i_o seek_v the_o lord_n thrice_o for_o a_o large_a sight_n of_o the_o light_n of_o his_o countenance_n when_o the_o sabbath_n come_v the_o lord_n give_v i_o a_o answer_n of_o peace_n etc._n etc._n thus_o may_v a_o large_a account_n of_o this_o gracious_a youngman_n self-tryal_n and_o watch_n over_o his_o own_o way_n from_o month_n to_o month_n all_o along_o but_o because_o to_o do_v so_o distinct_o from_o day_n to_o day_n will_v fill_v a_o volume_n i_o must_v therefore_o wave_v it_o and_o that_o not_o out_o of_o judgement_n only_o but_o out_o of_o necessity_n also_o see_v the_o key_n that_o open_v his_o charactars_n can_v not_o reach_v they_o all_o neither_o in_o point_n of_o time_n nor_o in_o point_n of_o matter_n the_o judicious_a reader_n may_v easy_o imagine_v that_o this_o defect_n will_v lame_a we_o in_o this_o work_n yet_o though_o it_o cost_v i_o unspeakable_a trouble_n and_o pain_n i_o shall_v follow_v my_o thread_n in_o this_o labyrinth_n i_o have_v already_o give_v a_o exact_a account_n how_o he_o examine_v himself_o upon_o every_o monthly_a sacrament_n from_o august_n 7._o 1681._o to_o jan._n 7._o 1681_o 3._o which_o be_v the_o last_o he_o do_v partake_v of_o for_o not_o long_o after_o his_o dear_a redeemer_n who_o he_o have_v so_o oft_o admire_v and_o embrace_v in_o the_o lord_n supper_n upon_o earth_n call_v he_o home_o to_o sup_v and_o feast_n with_o he_o in_o heaven_n as_o to_o his_o self-tryal_n at_o all_o other_o time_n between_o every_o one_o of_o those_o seventeen_o sacrament_n i_o shall_v proceed_v to_o relate_v so_o far_o as_o my_o key_n will_v carry_v i_o the_o best_a computation_n i_o can_v make_v out_o of_o the_o many_o manuscript_n consist_v of_o above_o thirty_o sheet_n which_o i_o have_v to_o abridge_v and_o methodize_v draw_v out_o of_o his_o diary_n pocket-book_n and_o almanac_n etc._n etc._n he_o renew_v his_o self-examining_a work_n again_o upon_o march_n 17._o 1681_o 2._o be_v friday_n how_o he_o spend_v all_o the_o time_n from_o the_o last_o march_n to_o this_o save_v only_o relate_v to_o the_o sacrament_n we_o must_v be_v content_a to_o want_v it_o for_o want_v of_o better_a help_n but_o upon_o that_o day_n he_o have_v leave_v upon_o record_n he_o have_v wander_v thought_n in_o duty_n do_v little_a for_o the_o good_a of_o other_o my_o sin_n say_v he_o lie_v but_o light_n i_o mourn_v not_o for_o the_o sin_n of_o the_o land_n i_o look_v not_o into_o my_o own_o heart_n nor_o be_v i_o concern_v in_o holy_a ejaculation_n the_o same_o he_o say_v of_o himself_o in_o spend_v the_o 18_o and_o march_v the_o 19_o be_v the_o sabbath_n he_o remark_n the_o same_o omission_n and_o not_o have_v a_o frame_n suitable_a to_o the_o day_n yea_o in_o night-duty_n pester_v with_o wander_n on_o march_n 20._o i_o arise_v from_o table_n without_o droop_v be_v full_a glad_a to_o meet_v god_n there_o march_n 21._o have_v the_o former_a omission_n and_o heaven_n little_a in_o my_o sight_n 22d_o day_n can_v not_o mourn_v for_o the_o sin_n of_o the_o land_n and_o the_o same_o frame_n be_v upon_o i_o the_o 23._o and_o 24._o nor_o can_v i_o do_v better_a or_o look_v into_o my_o heart_n the_o 25_o of_o march_n 1682._o nor_o the_o six_o follow_a day_n of_o that_o month_n can_v he_o shake_v of_o those_o omission_n april_n the_o first_o he_o brand_v himself_o with_o the_o same_o neglect_v the_o second_o day_n he_o add_v to_o those_o neglect_n that_o wander_a thought_n have_v eat_v up_o the_o life_n of_o his_o duty_n on_o the_o three_o the_o same_o complaint_n on_o the_o four_o miss_v vain_a thought_n in_o a_o good_a measure_n yet_o only_o through_o the_o strength_n oâ—_n christ_n but_o on_o five_o he_o add_v god_n our_o of_o sight_n &_o heaven_n out_o of_o mind_n on_o the_o six_o he_o make_v the_o same_o moan_n of_o seven_o my_o own_o sin_n and_o the_o sin_n of_o the_o land_n lie_v too_o light_a upon_o my_o heart_n etc._n etc._n eight_o the_o same_o and_o that_o he_o have_v do_v nothing_o extraordinary_a for_o the_o church_n in_o herday_o of_o distress_n nine_o the_o same_o yet_o have_v some_o good_a thought_n but_o trouble_v with_o wander_n ten_o the_o same_o and_o so_o the_o eleven_o add_v i_o have_v be_v this_o day_n tempt_v to_o pride_n so_o the_o twelve_o thirteen_o and_o fourteen_o be_v fill_v with_o the_o like_a complaint_n and_o fifteen_o he_o add_v i_o have_v be_v spend_v this_o noon_n much_o too_o vain_o the_o sixteenth_o be_v the_o sabbath_n he_o bless_a god_n that_o distraction_n have_v not_o dull_v he_o
in_o duty_n 17_o have_v like_a to_o have_v fall_v into_o passion_n but_o god_n disappoint_v it_o yet_o not_o much_o in_o holy_a ejaculation_n etc._n etc._n eighteen_o not_o up_o early_o have_v my_o former_a omission_n and_o commission_n the_o ninteenth_n twenty_v and_o twenty_o first_o yea_o to_o the_o end_n of_o april_n he_o arraigns_n himself_n as_o guilty_a of_o all_o those_o aforesaid_a crime_n then_o may_v 1_o 2_o 3_o 4_o 5_o 6._o complain_v of_o all_o those_o evil_n add_v that_o hurrey_n of_o his_o trade_n at_o this_o time_n do_v provoke_v he_o more_o to_o passion_n but_o sometime_o god_n help_v he_o to_o subdue_v it_o etc._n etc._n the_o 7._o be_v sabbath_n day_n sin_n set_v too_o light_a do_v not_o mourn_v for_o the_o sin_n of_o the_o land_n not_o enough_o in_o holy_a ejaculation_n nor_o in_o look_v into_o my_o own_o heart_n nor_o serious_o mind_v the_o word_n of_o god_n 8_o 9_o 10_o 11_o 12_o 13._o the_o same_o little_a life_n much_o dullness_n be_v weary_v with_o the_o hurry_v of_o the_o world_n 14_o frothy_a discourse_n with_o some_o delight_n o_o sin_n sin_n lay_v too_o light_a both_o i_o own_o and_o the_o land_n sin_n 15_o 16_o 17_o 18_o 19_o the_o same_o complaint_n 20._o neglect_v to_o read_v god_n word_n 21_o 22_o 23._o so_o on_o to_o the_o end_n of_o may_n he_o cry_v out_o i_o have_v do_v nothing_o for_o myself_o nor_o the_o church_n i_o have_v not_o be_v myself_o hardly_o know_v what_o i_o do_v through_o the_o hurry_v of_o the_o world_n o_o the_o world_n the_o world_n be_v a_o saâ—_n impediment_n to_o my_o soul_n god_n have_v not_o be_v in_o my_o mind_n heaven_n out_o of_o my_o sight_n i_o have_v not_o mourn_v for_o my_o own_o sin_n nor_o those_o of_o the_o land_n nor_o have_v holy_a ejaculation_n etc._n etc._n thus_o he_o say_v particular_o upon_o every_o day_n add_v thus_o i_o continue_v till_o the_o four_o of_o june_n be_v always_o weary_v with_o work_n and_o unfit_a for_o any_o good_a o_o it_o have_v be_v a_o sad_a time_n for_o my_o soul_n thus_o likewise_o i_o neglect_v till_o the_o 17_o of_o june_n on_o which_o i_o renew_v my_o covenant_n with_o god_n yet_o 18_o 19_o the_o same_o neglect_v prevail_v only_o on_o the_o 20._o i_o have_v some_o holy_a ejaculation_n but_o 21_o 22._o the_o same_o and_o 23._o i_o pray_v not_o over_o the_o sermon_n as_o i_o shall_v have_v do_v and_o omit_v all_o as_o before_o 24_o still_o pester_v with_o former_a neglect_n o_o sad_a sad_a that_o i_o shall_v be_v thus_o carry_v under_o grace_n thus_o he_o moan_n on_o 25_o 26._o and_o so_o on_o to_o the_o end_n of_o june_n on_o every_o day_n i_o have_v do_v little_a for_o the_o church_n or_o for_o my_o soul_n have_v not_o read_v god_n word_n sin_n sit_v too_o light_a not_o mourn_v for_o my_o own_o sin_n nor_o for_o the_o sin_n of_o the_o land_n heaven_n have_v be_v out_o of_o sight_n and_o god_n out_o of_o mind_n too_o little_o have_v i_o be_v in_o holy_a ejaculation_n with_o wander_n not_o oft_o look_v into_o my_o own_o heart_n etc._n etc._n july_n 1682._o from_o 1_o to_o 10._o he_o complain_v particular_o upon_o each_o day_n in_o the_o same_o word_n be_v too_o much_o wander_n in_o holy_a duty_n too_o little_a sense_n of_o sin_n upon_o my_o heart_n i_o have_v not_o mourn_v enough_o for_o my_o own_o sin_n nor_o for_o the_o sin_n of_o the_o land_n not_o much_o in_o ejaculation_n heaven_n too_o much_o out_o of_o sight_n etc._n etc._n sometime_o add_v i_o neglect_v read_v god_n word_n have_v do_v little_a for_o god_n church_n have_v not_o mind_v my_o soul_n nor_o god_n praise_n etc._n etc._n then_o conclude_v these_o ten_o day_n with_o this_o divine_a rapture_n o_fw-la this_o deadly_a thing_n sin_n have_v not_o due_o affect_v my_o heart_n into_o what_o a_o sad_a state_n be_v my_o soul_n fall_v o_o my_o god_n i_o beseech_v thou_o leave_v i_o not_o this_o same_o complaint_n concern_v those_o several_a omission_n he_o carry_v on_o against_o himself_o quite_o through_o july_n to_o the_o last_o day_n august_n 1682._o he_o make_v the_o same_o moan_n of_o the_o same_o neglect_v all_o along_o the_o month_n upon_o the_o head_n of_o every_o day_n of_o the_o four_o week_n distinct_o yet_o sometime_o add_v god_n help_v i_o on_o the_o 2_o of_o august_n against_o my_o deadly_a sin_n on_o the_o 6_o day_n be_v the_o sabbath_n i_o be_v less_o trouble_v with_o wander_n than_o i_o be_v the_o day_n after_o on_o the_o 8_o day_n i_o arise_v from_o supper_n without_o drop_v any_o savoury_a word_n at_o the_o table_n on_o the_o 11._o god_n keep_v i_o much_o from_o my_o sin_n this_o day_n on_o the_o 13._o i_o have_v much_o of_o god_n in_o my_o night_n prayer_n though_o the_o devil_n tell_v i_o i_o have_v not_o beg_v god_n presence_n my_o dear_a lord_n help_v i_o to_o repulse_v he_o with_o ease_n on_o the_o 16_o out_o of_o order_n all_o the_o day_n but_o at_o night_n god_n shine_v upon_o my_o soul_n more_o than_o a_o long_a time_n before_o but_o lose_v all_o the_o two_o follow_a day_n be_v hurry_v with_o cast_v up_o our_o shop_n go_v backward_o not_o forward_o on_o 19_o i_o feel_v my_o deadly_a sin_n crawl_v apace_o towards_o my_o heart_n which_o put_v i_o upon_o examination_n the_o 20._o day_n and_o find_v it_o not_o in_o vain_a to_o cast_v my_o burden_n upon_o the_o lord_n for_o i_o have_v thereby_o relief_n against_o my_o pride_n etc._n etc._n for_o which_o i_o have_v cry_v mighty_o to_o the_o lord_n my_o god_n after_o which_o i_o have_v sweet_a communion_n with_o god_n than_o the_o tempter_n strong_o tempt_v i_o to_o neglect_v hear_v and_o read_v the_o word_n but_o put_v up_o a_o ejaculation_n i_o have_v strength_n to_o overcome_v he_o again_o after_o hear_v a_o sermon_n i_o go_v down_o into_o the_o cellar_n to_o pray_v where_o the_o devil_n will_v affright_v i_o that_o something_o will_v appear_v which_o through_o the_o help_n of_o my_o dear_a redeemer_n i_o stout_o resist_v and_o bid_v satan_n defiance_n than_o he_o object_v against_o i_o my_o deadly_a sin_n which_o i_o can_v not_o but_o own_o yet_o can_v he_o not_o make_v i_o think_v so_o long_o upon_o it_o as_o to_o distract_v i_o in_o duty_n which_o be_v the_o devil_n design_n but_o osubtil_a serpent_n my_o lord_n goodness_n strengthen_v i_o to_o triumph_v over_o thou_o and_o i_o have_v a_o comfortable_a season_n upon_o the_o 21_o of_o august_n 1682._o all_o my_o old_a neglect_n prevail_v and_o wander_n in_o my_o night_n prayer_n but_o god_n hear_v my_o ejaculation_n i_o get_v up_o early_o in_o the_o morning_n which_o sweet_a way_n i_o have_v much_o neglect_v through_o weariness_n with_o worldly_a work_n to_o pray_v wherein_o i_o find_v much_o of_o god_n o_o my_o soul_n love_v that_o lovely_a lovely_a one_o thy_o lord_n who_o have_v hear_v thou_o have_v do_v be_v do_v great_a thing_n for_o thou_o and_o will_v do_v great_a on_o the_o 26._o i_o neglect_v read_v the_o word_n be_v too_o much_o about_o worldly_a affair_n which_o take_v i_o off_o from_o god_n and_o i_o lose_v my_o time_n in_o duty_n nor_o can_v i_o get_v up_o my_o thought_n to_o my_o god_n in_o my_o hurry_v yet_o on_o the_o saturday_n follow_v i_o recover_v a_o bless_a frame_n o_o my_o soul_n love_n and_o praise_v the_o lord_n for_o ever_o september_n the_o 2._o i_o be_v at_o a_o fast_o for_o the_o fire_n of_o london_n where_o i_o be_v not_o free_a of_o my_o aforesaid_a omission_n yet_o wait_v there_o all_o the_o day_n at_o length_n have_v the_o sweet_a presence_n of_o god_n on_o the_o 4._o i_o have_v heaven_n in_o my_o sight_n and_o but_o little_o trouble_v with_o wander_n yet_o too_o little_o look_v i_o into_o my_o own_o heart_n i_o sit_v up_o late_o for_o duty_n and_o god_n make_v it_o sweet_a to_o i_o on_o the_o seven_o he_o make_v his_o old_a moan_n against_o himself_o say_v i_o feat_n my_o own_o self_n righteousness_n the_o 10._o god_n discover_v my_o deadly_a sin_n which_o cause_v his_o withdrawment_n from_o i_o and_o that_o wish_v to_o die_v to_o avoid_v misery_n by_o god_n withdrawing_n be_v but_o a_o pang_n of_o passion_n the_o 15._o old_a wander_n etc._n etc._n return_v i_o think_v my_o murmur_a be_v the_o cause_n i_o first_o read_v isa_n 65.22_o 23_o 24._o from_o whence_o upon_o my_o ejaculation_n god_n speak_v comfort_n to_o i_o so_o have_v after_o delight_n in_o duty_n the_o 19_o god_n discover_v another_o sin_n my_o seeking_z the_o praise_n of_o man_n that_o darken_v his_o face_n from_o i_o the_o 23._o but_o little_a sensible_a how_o i_o have_v grieve_v away_o god_n good_a spirit_n in_o morning_n prayer_n the_o 25._o have_v little_a sense_n of_o god_n put_v a_o vail_n
over_o his_o face_n towards_o i_o which_o i_o bewail_v little_a the_o other_o day_n of_o this_o month_n i_o neglect_v be_v out_o of_o town_n to_o take_v a_o account_n of_o only_o in_o the_o general_n i_o observe_v that_o my_o deadly_a sin_n prevail_v most_o while_o my_o soul_n be_v most_o cloud_v october_n the_o one_a my_o old_a distraction_n disturb_a i_o run_v from_o the_o cellar_n up_o to_o the_o closet_n and_o from_o thence_o to_o the_o cellar_n again_o yet_o have_v through_o grace_n a_o little_a of_o god_n presence_n the_o second_o i_o be_v too_o rash_a in_o speak_v a_o thing_n that_o be_v not_o so_o the_o 3._o i_o be_v unwilling_a to_o pray_v in_o the_o cellar_n at_o night_n yet_o make_v willing_a to_o go_v i._o find_v much_o of_o the_o presence_n of_o he_o who_o have_v thus_o incline_v i_o the_o 4._o i_o speak_v not_o of_o god_n in_o company_n of_o other_o yet_o with_o another_o companion_n my_o god_n help_v i_o to_o savoury_a discourse_n in_o prayer_n but_o then_o to_o epsom_n till_o the_o 14_o day_n i_o be_v under_o dreadful_a desertion_n which_o make_v i_o cry_v out_o woe_n be_v i_o i_o have_v sin_v away_o my_o god_n by_o my_o mind_v the_o world_n too_o much_o and_o my_o god_n too_o little_a and_o by_o rely_v too_o much_o on_o my_o own_o strength_n on_o the_o 14._o he_o renew_v his_o old_a complaint_n heaven_n out_o of_o sight_n not_o mourn_v for_o the_o sin_n of_o the_o land_n nor_o my_o own_o etc._n etc._n add_v rose_n from_o table_n without_o any_o thing_n of_o god_n there_o on_o the_o 15_o not_o so_o much_o trouble_v as_o before_o with_o wander_n yet_o sin_n set_v too_o light_a etc._n etc._n the_o 16._o and_o 17._o the_o same_o the_o 18._o and_o 19_o bad_a the_o 20._o not_o so_o bad_a have_v at_o night_n god_n presence_n and_o some_o sense_n of_o sin_n which_o make_v i_o burst_v out_o cry_v how_o have_v i_o be_v hop_v from_o mountain_n to_o hill_n through_o simplicity_n forget_v my_o right_a rest_a place_n o_o that_o those_o lose_a minute_n and_o hour_n have_v be_v spend_v in_o the_o sweet_a converse_n with_o my_o dear_a redeemer_n but_o now_o from_o this_o time_n the_o lord_n grant_v great_a reformation_n in_o john_n draper_n the_o 23._o of_o october_n 1682._o he_o say_v i_o have_v strive_v this_o day_n to_o get_v to_o god_n but_o can_v not_o fast_v and_o three_o time_n pray_v still_o the_o face_n of_o god_n be_v hide_v from_o i_o the_o 24._o still_o under_o god_n withdrawing_n so_o on_o 25_o 26_o and_o 28_o no_o better_o with_o i_o on_o the_o 29_o 30_o and_o 31_o but_o wander_n in_o duty_n no_o right_a mourning_n for_o sin_n dull_a dead_a and_o thought_n most_o take_v up_o with_o the_o world_n very_o little_a of_o god_n in_o all_o that_o i_o do_v so_o that_o i_o know_v not_o what_o to_o do_v november_n the_o 1_o can_v not_o gain_v god_n presence_n 2._o the_o same_o but_o not_o so_o bad_a in_o duty_n 3_o and_o 4._o as_o bad_a o_o sad_a sad_a sad_a but_o on_o 6._o have_v much_o of_o god_n presence_n 8_o 9_o bid_v again_o so_o 10._o and_o 11._o still_o dull_a and_o cold_a so_o 12._o and_o 13._o and_o endways_o in_o a_o sad_a condition_n december_n have_v be_v long_o out_o of_o town_n half_a of_o the_o forego_n month_n till_o the_o four_o of_o this_o month_n and_o live_v as_o without_o god_n my_o mind_n take_v up_o with_o the_o world_n no_o long_n after_o god_n presence_n it_o be_v a_o good_a providence_n i_o see_v their_o worship_n at_o windsor_n which_o do_v more_o establish_v i_o this_o month_n the_o lord_n teach_v i_o the_o deformity_n of_o all_o sublunary_a thing_n without_o god_n now_o i_o see_v my_o folly_n and_o oh_o that_o it_o may_v not_o be_v too_o late_a i_o can_v weep_v night_n and_o day_n for_o my_o great_a loss_n of_o god_n i_o be_o so_o perplex_v that_o i_o scarce_o know_v what_o to_o do_v with_o myself_o etc._n etc._n january_n 5._o 1682._o i_o be_v take_v very_o ill_o so_o that_o those_o about_o i_o think_v i_o be_v a_o die_a but_o god_n raise_v i_o up_o again_o oh_o that_o it_o may_v be_v to_o die_v to_o sin_n and_o and_o live_v to_o god_n the_o seven_o which_o be_v his_o seventeen_o and_o last_o sacrament-day_n make_v his_o former_a moan_n about_o wander_n etc._n etc._n add_v i_o lay_v in_o bed_n too_o long_o when_o i_o shall_v have_v be_v upon_o my_o knee_n yet_o have_v more_o evidence_n that_o day_n than_o for_o along_o time_n before_o after_o this_o be_v take_v with_o a_o dizziness_n in_o my_o head_n like_v to_o fall_v down_o stair_n about_o 8._o have_v a_o great_a pain_n in_o my_o side_n and_o my_o fit_n come_v about_o ten_o then_o from_o day_n to_o day_n lay_v long_o in_o bed_n have_v little_a of_o god_n sometime_o forget_v how_o it_o be_v with_o i_o not_o mind_v my_o inward_a man_n enough_o by_o distemper_n of_o my_o outward_a on_o the_o 22._o i_o consider_v what_o i_o shall_v do_v if_o god_n call_v i_o to_o suffering_n and_o think_v god_n hand_n be_v not_o shorten_v to_o strengthen_v i_o as_o he_o have_v do_v all_o the_o martyr_n on_o 25_o my_o cough_n and_o pain_n in_o my_o left_a side_n grow_v upon_o i_o so_o unfit_a i_o for_o duty_n yet_o on_o 30._o i_o pray_v and_o have_v a_o clear_a sight_n of_o god_n and_o of_o my_o christ_n my_o dear_a redeemer_n blessed_n for_o ever_o bless_v be_v his_o holy_a name_n lest_o any_o ponderous_a passage_n out_o of_o his_o diary_n that_o may_v be_v profitable_a to_o posterity_n shall_v be_v omit_v which_o through_o the_o break_a account_n i_o have_v of_o his_o manuscript_n can_v easy_o be_v avoid_v i_o shall_v reduce_v the_o most_o remarkable_a of_o they_o to_o those_o remark_n or_o head_n follow_v the_o first_o remark_n be_v this_o gracious_a youngman_n diary_n do_v plain_o proclaim_v that_o god_n make_v he_o live_v at_o the_o sign_n of_o the_o chequer_n his_o life_n this_o last_o year_n be_v strange_o chequer_a with_o the_o black_a of_o misery_n and_o with_o the_o white_a of_o mercy_n he_o be_v get_v into_o canaan_n a_o land_n of_o hill_n and_o valley_n now_o up_o and_o now_o down_o one_o while_o mourning_n for_o god_n absence_n and_o another_o while_n magnify_v he_o for_o his_o presence_n etc._n etc._n the_o second_o remark_n however_o god_n withdraw_v from_o he_o on_o the_o weekday_n yet_o do_v he_o most_o enjoy_v lest_o or_o more_o of_o god_n on_o the_o sabbath_n as_o well_o as_o sacrament_n day_n this_o i_o find_v in_o his_o own_o record_n which_o be_v to_o bear_v up_o his_o head_n above_o water_n in_o his_o conflict_n the_o three_o remark_n be_v he_o observe_v god_n tenderness_n towards_o he_o in_o never_o withdraw_a too_o long_o from_o he_o for_o though_o he_o find_v himself_o dull_a and_o dead_a in_o duty_n in_o the_o morning_n of_o the_o sabbath_n yet_o find_v he_o life_n and_o warmth_n at_o evening_n etc._n etc._n four_o when_o he_o be_v command_v to_o stay_v at_o home_n for_o keep_v the_o house_n and_o shop_n upon_o the_o sabbath_n from_o sermon_n he_o say_v god_n make_v that_o time_n of_o privacy_n a_o most_o sweet_a time_n to_o he_o when_o god_n deny_v mean_n he_o supply_v mean_n five_o he_o remark_n how_o oft_o he_o be_v interrupt_v in_o his_o private_a duty_n be_v call_v off_o from_o they_o as_o he_o be_v a_o servant_n to_o his_o master_n which_o the_o envious_a one_o may_v have_v a_o hand_n in_o as_o prayer_n be_v a_o charm_n and_o torment_v to_o he_o when_o god_n be_v present_a etc._n etc._n six_o he_o note_v that_o the_o low_a cellar_n be_v his_o oratory_n or_o place_n of_o private_a prayer_n where_o he_o spend_v many_o hour_n without_o either_o fire_n or_o candle_n in_o the_o night_n and_o once_o have_v the_o door_n break_v open_a to_o fetch_v some_o candle_n while_o he_o be_v in_o his_o devotion_n etc._n etc._n seven_o he_o observe_v god_n deal_n with_o his_o soul_n from_o one_o sabbath_n to_o another_o and_o from_o one_o week_n day_n to_o another_o take_a notice_n of_o all_o his_o omission_n of_o good_a and_o of_o all_o his_o commission_n of_o evil_a from_o monday_n morning_n to_o saturday_n night_n eight_o this_o be_v not_o only_o his_o practice_n every_o week_n from_o the_o begin_n to_o the_o end_n of_o the_o year_n as_o be_v above_o mention_v but_o also_o every_o day_n how_o it_o be_v with_o his_o soul_n god_n ward_n morning_n noon_n and_o night_n and_o what_o discourse_n at_o meat_n time_n also_o nine_o so_o strict_a be_v his_o scrutiny_n and_o self-tryal_n that_o he_o set_v down_o once_o the_o thought_n of_o have_v a_o god_n ring_n and_o another_o time_n thought_n oâ—_n get_v some_o book_n the_o tempteâ—_n make_v use_v of_o to_o justle_v out_o his_o thought_n of_o god_n etc._n
the_o morning_n he_o give_v a_o high_a encomium_fw-la of_o godliness_n to_o strengthen_v she_o in_o love_n to_o the_o good_a way_n of_o god_n say_v it_o be_v the_o great_a work_n we_o have_v to_o mind_n in_o this_o low_a world_n therefore_o need_v we_o to_o meet_v help_n to_o forward_o one_o another_o therein_o it_o be_v not_o a_o small_a thing_n or_o a_o by-business_n to_o be_v forget_v etc._n etc._n it_o be_v the_o best_a riches_n that_o can_v be_v take_v from_o we_o as_o there_o be_v all_o good_a thing_n in_o it_o so_o there_o be_v no_o danger_n to_o loose_v it_o yet_o find_v i_o a_o proneness_n to_o be_v trifle_v and_o tamper_n with_o transitory_a vanity_n while_o the_o true_a riches_n be_v neglect_v o_o this_o heart-work_n be_v hard-work_n and_o the_o way_n to_o heaven_n be_v up_o the_o hill_n but_o our_o captain_n if_o we_o follow_v he_o close_o will_v make_v it_o easy_a help_v we_o to_o hold_v on_o and_o to_o hold_v out_o to_o the_o end_n not_o only_o as_o live_v but_o also_o as_o lively_a christian_n not_o loiter_v in_o the_o way_n of_o sin_n but_o lusty_o run_v our_o race_n seat_v ourselves_o under_o god_n eye_n all_o low_a person_n and_o thing_n be_v changeable_a relation_n may_v be_v our_o friend_n to_o day_n and_o they_o may_v be_v dead_a to_o morrow_n or_o they_o may_v live_v yet_o their_o love_n may_v die_v and_o our_o delight_n to_o day_n may_v be_v our_o sorrow_n and_o our_o horror_n to_o morrow_n etc._n etc._n but_o still_o in_o godliness_n we_o have_v a_o unchangeable_a god_n our_o thought_n of_o this_o must_v be_v bellows_o to_o blow_v up_o the_o flame_n of_o our_o desire_n and_o the_o spur_n to_o our_o dull_a affection_n in_o another_o letter_n to_o his_o young_a sister_n which_o come_v also_o to_o my_o hand_n o_o what_o a_o travel_a spirit_n be_v upon_o he_o that_o christ_n may_v beform_v in_o she_o say_v to_o she_o my_o heart_n desire_n and_o prayer_n 〈◊〉_d that_o you_o may_v be_v save_v conâ—â—der_v your_o sad_a estate_n by_o nature_n you_o be_v a_o slave_n of_o satan_n a_o stranger_n to_o god_n and_o if_o you_o die_v in_o that_o estate_n you_o be_v undo_v for_o ever_o o_o that_o you_o may_v see_v in_o this_o your_o day_n the_o thing_n that_o belong_v to_o your_o everlasting_a peace_n lest_o they_o be_v for_o ever_o hide_v from_o your_o eye_n for_o judgement_n will_v certain_o find_v you_o where_o death_n do_v leave_v you_o if_o you_o die_v in_o a_o unregenerate_a slate_n you_o will_v be_v banish_v from_o the_o presence_n of_o god_n and_o a_o eternity_n of_o horror_n and_o terror_n be_v to_o be_v endure_v etc._n etc._n but_o if_o you_o make_v your_o call_n and_o election_n sure_a then_o may_v you_o expect_v nay_o you_o will_v have_v everlasting_a bliss_n o_o think_v much_o on_o these_o thing_n you_o have_v now_o time_n to_o make_v your_o peace_n put_v it_o not_o off_o if_o you_o love_v your_o soul_n no_v not_o till_o to_o morrow_n as_o too_o many_o young_a person_n do_v think_v it_o soon_o enough_o yet_o and_o yet_o but_o know_v you_o may_v be_v dead_a before_o the_o morrow_n pray_v therefore_o for_o conveâ—â—ing_a grace_n and_o for_o power_n to_o cast_v off_o sin_n especial_o that_o which_o lay_v near_a your_o heart_n for_o if_o the_o heart-sin_n be_v love_v better_a than_o christ_n it_o will_v undo_v you_o for_o ever_o let_v but_o your_o lord_n have_v your_o chief_a love_n and_o you_o will_v soon_o find_v more_o pleasure_n in_o way_n of_o holiness_n than_o in_o all_o the_o way_n of_o sin_n in_o another_o letter_n to_o his_o kinswoman_n i_o find_v he_o very_o warm_a in_o his_o exhortation_n say_v now_o be_v the_o time_n of_o stir_v up_o one_o another_o to_o prepare_v for_o approach_a evil_n see_v the_o cloud_n thicken_v and_o look_v black_a over_o our_o head_n we_o have_v need_v to_o have_v our_o rock_n ready_a to_o fly_v to_o and_o to_o have_v our_o evidence_n for_o heaven_n clear_v to_o have_v our_o loin_n gird_v and_o our_o lamp_n burn_v and_o to_o sit_v loose_a from_o those_o low_a thing_n that_o seem_v now_o to_o be_v leave_v we_o o_o that_o sweet_a word_n draw_v nigh_o to_o god_n and_o he_o will_v draw_v nigh_o to_o we_o for_o the_o end_n of_o this_o dispensation_n be_v to_o drive_v uâ—_n further_o off_o from_o sin_n and_o near_a god_n and_o o_o sweet_a word_n in_o the_o world_n you_o shall_v have_v tribulation_n but_o in_o christ_n peace_n who_o will_v not_o travel_v through_o a_o world_n of_o trouble_n to_o find_v that_o peace_n in_o christ_n this_o kinswoman_n be_v so_o touch_v with_o his_o line_n that_o she_o cast_v in_o this_o character_n of_o he_o after_o his_o death_n say_v god_n take_v he_o from_o i_o because_o i_o be_v unworthy_a of_o he_o he_o tell_v i_o it_o be_v better_o to_o want_v time_n than_o to_o want_v a_o heart_n for_o do_v good_a he_o cry_v oft_o hear_v the_o clock_n strike_v o_o time_n time_n i_o be_o so_o much_o near_a eternity_n and_o o_o the_o love_n of_o christ_n that_o purchase_v a_o eternity_n of_o weal_n for_o i_o be_v there_o any_o love_n like_o christ_n &c._n &c._n in_o another_o i_o find_v these_o short_a rule_n comprise_v in_o verse_n very_o useful_a to_o he_o when_o time_n will_v not_o permit_v he_o to_o make_v any_o use_n of_o large_a help_n let_v not_o soft_a sleep_n thy_o weary_a eye_n invade_v before_o the_o same_o confine_n with_o the_o night_n shade_n thy_o thought_n retire_v and_o make_v it_o their_o last_o task_n of_o the_o day_n deed_n three_o question_n thus_o to_o ask_v wherein_o have_v i_o transgress_v this_o day_n what_o good_a deed_n have_v i_o wrought_v and_o what_o have_v i_o forbear_v to_o do_v which_o to_o have_v do_v i_o ought_v or_o thus._n what_o have_v i_o do_v amiss_o this_o day_n what_o well_o what_o good_a have_v i_o omit_v conscience_n tell_v this_o distich_n as_o his_o who_o send_v he_o they_o intimate_v comprehend_v all_o our_o thought_n word_n and_o deed_n and_o by_o ponder_v and_o improve_n they_o due_o and_o daily_o they_o both_o reap_v great_a benefit_n etc._n etc._n in_o another_o i_o find_v that_o the_o method_n of_o correspodency_n betwixt_o his_o friend_n a_o gracious_a young_a man_n and_o himself_o be_v carry_v on_o by_o a_o communication_n of_o experience_n or_o practical_a and_o profitable_a discourse_n upon_o the_o joy_n of_o heaven_n the_o love_n of_o god_n in_o christ_n the_o second_o come_v of_o our_o lord_n the_o evil_a of_o sin_n etc._n etc._n as_o to_o the_o first_o of_o those_o point_n the_o joy_n of_o heaven_n their_o intercourse_n make_v this_o mention_n the_o glory_n which_o we_o ought_v to_o have_v our_o faith_n fix_v on_o for_o our_o comfort_n be_v call_v in_o scripture_n comparison_n a_o crown_n of_o life_n of_o righteousness_n and_o of_o glory_n a_o incorruptible_a inheritance_n a_o rest_n for_o the_o people_n of_o god_n the_o recompense_n of_o reward_n a_o house_n not_o make_v with_o hand_n a_o excellent_a place_n which_o the_o eye_n have_v not_o see_v etc._n etc._n the_o city_n of_o the_o live_a god_n the_o heavenly_a jerusalem_n the_o holy_a kingdom_n the_o bless_a hope_n and_o end_n of_o our_o holy_a race_n the_o city_n who_o builder_n and_o maker_n be_v god_n the_o house_n not_o make_v with_o hand_n the_o heavenly_a country_n the_o strait_a gate_n etc._n etc._n the_o contemplation_n of_o all_o these_o diune_n comparison_n afford_v strong_a consolation_n to_o both_o their_o soul_n etc._n etc._n no_o less_o comfortable_a be_v their_o interchange_n of_o communion_n about_o the_o other_o point_n of_o christ_n second_o come_v which_o be_v likewise_o call_v in_o scripture_n a_o day_n of_o consolation_n and_o of_o coronation_n a_o harvest_n day_n a_o marriage_n day_n and_o a_o day_n of_o admiration_n wherein_o christ_n will_v be_v admire_v of_o all_o his_o saint_n at_o his_o glorious_a appearance_n though_o now_o we_o be_v despise_v by_o the_o world_n as_o our_o dear_a redeemer_n himself_n be_v yet_o this_o be_v our_o joy_n our_o redemption_n day_n draw_v nigh_o etc._n etc._n in_o another_o letter_n he_o have_v this_o passage_n i_o suppose_v to_o some_o minister_n say_v sir_n though_o i_o be_v a_o stranger_n to_o you_o yet_o can_v nay_o dare_v not_o hoâ—â—_n any_o long_o from_o speak_v to_o you_o for_o ask_v my_o own_o heart_n whether_o i_o be_v fit_a to_o die_v it_o be_v answer_v that_o can_v not_o be_v till_o account_n be_v clear_v concern_v the_o sin_n i_o groan_v under_o between_o god_n and_o my_o soul_n about_o this_o sir_n my_o present_a address_n be_v for_o your_o profitable_a advice_n therefore_o i_o beseech_v you_o search_v i_o thorough_o to_o the_o very_a inward_o of_o my_o heart_n etc._n etc._n many_o more_o such_o savoury_a line_n all_o season_v with_o the_o salt_n of_o sincerity_n and_o sanctity_n i_o may_v add_v out_o of_o several_a other_o of_o his_o letter_n which_o must_v be_v omit_v to_o avoid_v prolixity_n to_o conclude_v upon_o the_o view_n of_o the_o whole_a i_o must_v only_o add_v this_o though_o we_o have_v not_o his_o picture_n drawnin_n paint_v by_o some_o skilful_a limner_n for_o refresh_v the_o memory_n of_o relation_n and_o to_o prefix_v before_o this_o book_n yet_o it_o be_v limn_v to_o the_o life_n in_o black_a and_o white_a both_o by_o private_a christian_n and_o public_a minister_n he_o be_v without_o flattery_n a_o mirror_n of_o piety_n especial_o in_o make_v so_o strict_a a_o scrutiny_n over_o all_o his_o own_o step_n and_o take_v so_o serious_a a_o prospect_n over_o all_o his_o own_o work_n both_o upon_o sabbath_n day_n and_o upon_o every_o weekday_n between_o they_o that_o he_o may_v keep_v his_o heart_n with_o all_o diligence_n prov._n 4.23_o o_o how_o exact_a be_v he_o in_o self-examination_n as_o well_o in_o civil_a and_o secular_a as_o in_o sacred_a affair_n i_o have_v be_v young_a and_o now_o be_o old_a yet_o never_o in_o all_o my_o acquaintance_n find_v i_o so_o much_o faithful_a self-tryal_n which_o be_v indeed_o a_o most_o necessary_a but_o alas_o a_o much_o neglect_a duty_n and_o i_o be_o confident_a most_o christian_n be_v at_o a_o great_a lose_v in_o their_o inner_a man_n by_o the_o omission_n hereof_o as_o to_o my_o own_o part_n i_o be_o utter_o ashamed_a to_o behold_v myself_o now_o a_o old_a minister_n of_o forty_o year_n stand_v in_o the_o ministry_n so_o far_o out_o strip_v by_o so_o young_a a_o man_n not_o attain_v the_o three_o part_n of_o my_o age_n and_o so_o private_a a_o christian_n as_o a_o apprentice_n will_v to_o god_n we_o can_v all_o young_a and_o old_a minister_n and_o people_n imitate_v this_o pattern_n of_o piety_n call_v our_o faithless_a heart_n to_o a_o faithful_a account_n daily_o and_o ever_o keep_v upon_o our_o watch-tower_n etc._n etc._n this_o will_v be_v a_o bless_a mean_n to_o keep_v in_o the_o fear_n of_o god_n all_o the_o day_n prov._n 23.17_o to_o live_v much_o more_o in_o a_o little_a time_n as_o he_o do_v from_o 1678._o to_o 1683._o to_o be_v neither_o ashamed_a to_o live_v nor_o afraid_a to_o die_v like_v he_o who_o live_v his_o little_a short_a life_n with_o christ_n in_o this_o low_a world_n and_o now_o reign_v with_o christ_n in_o the_o upper_a and_o better_a world_n finis_fw-la thâ—_n i_o do_v diligent_o correct_v every_o sheet_n yet_o for_o want_n of_o some_o revise_v these_o fault_n with_o some_o other_o have_v escape_v errata_fw-la in_o the_o epistle_n page_n 5._o line_n 18._o deal_n 6_o p._n 6._o l._n 24._o read_v get_v p._n 36._o l._n 18._o to_o wit_n trans_fw-la p._n 49._o l._n 9_o for_o three_o r._n threefold_a p._n 63._o l._n 20._o for_o heaven_n r._n haven_n p._n 77._o 1._o 21._o for_o soul_n r._n seal_n p._n 79._o 1._o 17._o r._n than_o p._n 108._o 1._o 6._o r._n get_v p._n 116._o 1._o 21._o r._n jeer_v and_o 1._o 24._o r._n that_o p._n 150._o 1._o 12._o for_o to_o r._n i._n for_o by_o r._n because_o p._n 170._o 1._o 9_o for_o 82._o r._n 83._o