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A56890 Fortune in her wits, or, The hour of all men written in Spanish by the most ingenious Don Francisco de Quivedo Villegas ... ; translated into English by Capt. John Stevens.; Fortuna con seso. English Quevedo, Francisco de, 1580-1645.; Stevens, John, d. 1726. 1697 (1697) Wing Q188; ESTC R5377 77,088 150

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said I am no Fool I know what I do and all my actions are guided by Prudence You who call me rash Sot remember you Kackled like a Goose to Leda that you played the false Coiner with Danae that you Bellowed and acted the Bull for Europa and have been guilty of a thousand other Roguish mad Pranks and that all those who attend you have been only Crows and Magpies None of which Fopperies can be laid to my charge If Persons of Merit are laid aside and Vertuous Men pass unrewarded the fault is not altogether mine many despise what I offer them and their Modesty is laid at my door as a Crime Others rather than stretch out their hands let slip what I tender them Others snatch it from me without my consent More Men are enriched by forcing it from me than by my free gift There are more that steal what I refuse than that keep what I give them Many receive of me that they know not how to preserve they lose it and pretend I take it from them Many accuse me for misplacing Gifts on others which would be much worse employed on themselves There is no Man happy without being envied by many and no Man is miserable without being contemned by all This Maid has always served me without her I have never done any thing her Name is Opportunity hear her and learn of a Drudging Wench how to judge of things Then Opportunity letting her Tongue run for fear of letting her self slip said I am that sort of good natured Female that offer my self to all Men many find but few enjoy me I am a Female Sampsoness for all my strength lies in my Hair he that can hold fast by my Lock need not fear to be thrown by my Mistress It is I that manage I that distribute her and when Men know not how to pursue their own interests and make their advantages they lay all the blame upon me Folly and ignorance have furnished Men with these Hellish Sentences Who would have believed I did not think I did not reflect on it I did not know It is well enough yet What matter 's it It is neither here nor there To morrow will do There 's time enough There is no wanting an Opportunity I slipt my time I know my own business I am no Fool. Let not that trouble you I am bound to see it That 's a Jest Never believe it I 'le do my own business I shall not want God will provide All days are not alike If one thing fails another hits 'T is well enough What is that to him It is my Opinion It cannot be Do not tell me I can see into it Time will shew it Let the World run It is I that am to answer for it I am no such Man Very lively Let them talk as they please Over Shooes over Boots I understand Trap. Time will shew they say and But and Perhaps and the Conlcusion of all positive Blockheads Come what will These Follies make Men Conceited Sloathful and Careless These are the Gaps that I slip out at These are the Rubs that overset my Mistress's Wheel and these the Gusts that split her Sail. Then if the Fools let me slip by them what fault is it in me to be gone If they lay the Rubs in the way of my Mistresses Wheel why do they complain of its jolting If they know it is a Wheel whereof every part is sometimes up and sometimes down and that each part descends in order to rise and rises in order to fall again why do they entangle themselves in it The Sun has stood still the Wheel of Fortune never did Whosoever has thought to fix it only gave it a check that it might whirl again with the greater fury It s motion like that of Time puts a period to all Worldly Felicities and Calamities to all the Lives in the World and by degrees to the World it self This O Jove is matter of fact let who will oppose it Fortune encouraged at these Words and turning on all hands like a Weathercock said Opportunity has discovered how unjustly I am accused however I am resolved my self to convince thee thou Supream Thunderer and all thy Company carrousing in Nectar and Ambrosia notwithstanding that I always had now have and shall ever continue to have as much power over you as over the meanest Rabble in the World I hope to see your Divinities starving with Hunger and Cold for want of Victims and that not so much as a black Pudding shall be sacrificed to you but you shall only serve to fill up Ballads and be brought in for Rhime sake in Love Songs for the Diversion of the Mob and Encouragement of Hawkers A Curse light on all thy Designs quoth the Sun for so impudently blaspheming against our Power Were it permitted me as I am the Sun I would swelter thee with Heat scorch thee with my Rays and make thee run mad with the Head-ach Go dry up the Dirt said Fortune ripen Cucumbers furnish Plagues for the good of Physicians and assist those that louse themselves at thy light for know I have seen you keep Cows and run after a Wench who tho you was the Sun left you in the dark Remember your Son was burnt to death like a Heretick therefore be silent hereafter and let those speak to whom it belongs Then Jove with all his gravity utter'd these Words Fortune both you and that impudent Wench thy Servant are much in the right in many things you have said however for the general satisfaction of all People it is irrevocably decreed that on the same day and hour throughout the whole World every Man be put into those Circumstances he justly deserves This must be therefore appoint the day ●nd the hour Fortune replied To what purpose is it to delay what must be let it be to day let us know what time of the day it is The Sun who is the Standard of Clockmakers answer'd This is the 20th of June as to the time of the day it is Three and three quarters and six minutes after Noon Mind then quoth Fortune and as soon as it strikes Four you shall see how affairs go upon Earth Then falling to work she began to greaze the Axletree of her Wheel to settle the Spokes remove the Nails and entangle several Cords slackning some and straining others till the Sun cried out and said It is just Four neither over nor under for this very instant I have brought the shade of the Gnomons of all Clocks upon the fourth Postmeridian Line No sooner had he uttered these Words than Fortune as if she had been playing on a Cymbal began to unwind her Wheel which whirling about like a Hurrican hudled all the World into an unparallelled confusion Fortune gave a mighty Squeek saying Fly Wheel and the Devil drive thee The Physician That very moment a Physician riding along on his Mule a Snails Gallop in pursuit of
had not Among the rest were two condemned to be Hanged the next day One of these having compounded with his Adversary was kept as a Prisoner at large The other they designed to Hang for Robbing after having been three years a Prisoner during which time they had devoured all he stole and all he his Father and Wife by whom he had two Children were worth Thus far had this Prince proceeded when the Hour commenced and he turning pale with anger said This Man you disigned to discharge because he has compounded with his Adversary shall be hanged to morrow for the contrary would be exposing of Lives to Sale and the Price of buying off an Appeal would prove the purchase of a Husband's Blood from the Wife of the Father 's from a Son and of a Son 's from the Father so that Pardons for Murder being to be bought a Rate would be set upon every Man's Life and thus all Examples of Justice would cease it being an easie matter to perswade the Appellant that a Thousand or Five hundred Crowns will do him more good than the Hanging of his Enemy There are two Parties concerned in all publick Offences viz. Justice and the Person Offended and it is no less necessary that the former should punish than that the latter should forgive This Thief whom after three years imprisonment you intended to Hang shall be sent to the Galleys for as it had been justice to Hang him three years ago so now it would be a Barbarous Wrong because in him you would hang his Father Wife and Children who are innocent and whose Substance by these delays you have devoured I remember a Story of a Man who enraged that the Mice gnawed his Papers Crusts of Bread Parings of Cheese and old Shooes took in Cats to destroy the Mice but perceiving the Cats not only eat the Mice but stole his Meat out of the Pot and tore it off the Spit that one day they spoiled a Fowl and another a whole Joint of Meat he kill'd the Cats and said The Mice for my Money Do you apply she Moral to this Fable since you like Devouring Cats instead of cleansing the State from Vermin do catch and eat the Thieves who are little Mice that Pick a Pocket Cut a Purse Snatch a Hat or Steal a Cloak and at the same time you waste the Country consume Estates and destroy whole Families Infamous Wretches I will rather endure Mice than maintain Cats This said he ordered all the Prisoners to be discharged and the Officers to be apprehended There was a wonderful Noise and Confusion those lamented who before were inexorable and the Prisoners loaded those with Fetters and Chains who before had Fetter'd them Old Women hiding their Age. Several Women appeared in a Street some of them a-foot and tho many were well stricken in years they tript it along like young Girls proud of their little Feet and white Petticoats Others were pack'd up in a Coach dissembling their Age with their Coy Looks and playing with their white Hands Others Dress'd like Bartholomew Babies and afraid the Air should discompose them were set up in Glass Cupboards or Sedans carried by greasy Fellows the farthest prospect of the Lady's Eyes being the neighbouring Haunches of the foremost and the next Perfume to their Noses proceeding from his sweaty Feet which being free from the encumbrance of Socks sent it up the fresher All of them were as gay as young Girls striving to be taken for such concealing their Age as they would their Shame and Ogleing with those Eyes that were ready to sink into their Heads Upon the very entrance of the Hour they were met by Maximus Origanus Argolius and a pack of other ancient Astrologers with their Ephemerides in their Hands who presently attack'd them to fix upon every one the date of her Life to the very year day hour minute and second of their Nativity These Conjurers set up a Cry Own your Age ye Wretches since it is your Doom you are Forty two years old 2 months days 2 hours 9 minutes and 20 seconds says one of the Astrologers to one of the Ladies Good God! who can express the terrible Shreiks she rais'd all that could be understood was you Lye it is false I am not Fifteen Lord what a Rogue this is to say such a thing Another cryed I am not Eighteen a Third I am but Thirteen I am a mere Child an Infant crys another Origanus was writing her Age upon the Back of one as if it had been a Bill upon a Door and it was to this effect This Woman was deliver'd into the World in the Year 1629. She perceiving by this means it would appear she was 67 Years of Age all in a rage cryed out Thou Old doating Emblem of Death I am but just come into the World my Teeth are not all cut Thou decayed piece of Antiquity replied Origanus Teeth will never spring under old Stumps look upon your Date I 'll own no Date quoth she and thus falling together by the Ears the controversie ended in a wonderful confusion After a sumptuous Dinner a mighty Potentate sate sate lulling his Pride with the false Flatteries that fell from the mouths of his Servants Sycophants A grumbling noise resounded from his cram'd gutts which could not agree in the Cooks-shop of his Belly with the strange medly of varieties he had devoured He foam'd at the Mouth the Wine boiling over and his whole Face was inflamed and bloated with the exhalation of his Stomach At each word he uttered tho' never so stupid the standers by like Men in a Frenzie poured out Superlative Encomiums An admirable sentence crys one nothing could be exprest finer says another most incomparable words says a Third and lastly a Parasite who laboured to out-flatter all the rest straining a lye to the utmost pitch exclaimes Learning it self stands amazed to hear you and even admiration is out-done The great Man strutting and fetching up two or three Gulps the fore-runners of a Vomit drivelled out these words I am much concerned for the loss of my two Ships Immediately the Parasites renewed their Flatteries and Romancing without measure one of them replyed That that loss redounded to his Honour that it fell out as could have been wished and nothing could have happened more opportunely since it administred an opportunity of falling out with his Neighbours from whom he might take Two Hundred in lieu of these two which might easily be compassed To prove this the false Flatterer produced many examples Another said That loss was the greatest testimony of his Grandeur for only he was a great Prince who had much to lose that losing was a better demonstration of Power than gaining and acquiring which were the Practice of Pyrates and Robbers That damage sustained he added would be the enriching of him and then began to fill his Ears with sentences out of Tacitus Salust Polibius Thucidides and other Authors represencing the vast