presently shew him a new tricke for his Learning The simple Novice desirous of novelty beganne more calmly to listen to her and asked her what it was who readily answered againe Sweete Husband you see this Pancake I am now turning marke it well now take this platter in your hand and goe into the yard bending with your Backe against the doore looking straight forward not stirring from where I shall place you and when it is ready I will tosse it from the fire out of the toppe of the Chimney it shall fall directly into your dish and bee ready at the watch-word when I shall say Now. The silly man thinking shee had spoke seriously was soone perswaded and kept his place with his face from the doore stilâ— looking upwards towards the toppe of the Chimney when it would first flye out and after fall when she having given the watch-word came suddenly behinde him with the pan and all clapt the Pancake upon his head with a blow which had almost strooke him downe and to excuse her selfe said thus O Husband if your blocke head had not beene in the way the Pan-cake that light upon your pate had falne into the dish and I fearing what is now falne out thought to have catcht it in the panne if you had faild in the platter At which words the husband rubbing his Browes well basted with the fat of the Panne said unto her Now a mischiefe take thee for an arrant Shrew this wil make me think on this Shrewes Munday for thy sake whilst I live and from thence it is thought the day had its first denomination And without question upon the like accident done by some curst Shrew or other came the next day following to bee cald Shrewes Tuesday so weeping Wednesday terrible Thursday frowning Friday and sullen Saturday especially when her husband denyes her to goe amongst her Gossips on Sunday Hence comes it also that if any one hath crost another in a businesse or done him a bad Office which mny prove to his dammage or hinderance the phrase that is still most in custome is to say that such or such a man did purpose or hath done me a shrewd turne And now followes severall Shrewes Lectures to their Husbands and in their severall professions First of an Apothecaries wife to her Husband because he deales in Simples and hath taken upon him the Office of a Scavenger A Lecture of an Apothecacaries wife to her Husband who is chosen a Scavenger in his Parish NOW Good-man Simpleton we shall have you grow so proud now you have got an office that you thinke none is good enough to bee your fellow I had thought your owne imployment in your profession had beene trouble enough to you and not to have sought for an Office and made friends for it likewise Now I see you are troubled with the Simples you had not need to goe a simpling every yeare as you doe God knowes you have so little wit already I would you would goe the next time get some Compounds to furnish your seife with to concoct your Brains for you have now but a shallow wit and are glad to weare a Sattin Cappe to keepe that in too you had need keepe home and learn to know something more in your profession than what is already printed in bookes When any one of your acquaintance is not well and desires your advice then you can prescribe them nothing but a little Stybium then when another comes Stybium this is all you can doe onely a little Stybium Goe thou art a stupified Asse and knowes better how to purge thy Patients money out of his pocket than to remove any disease from his body you wil come to them and aske them how they doe this is all and bid them be of comfort when there is a great deale of danger and pretend to feele their pulse when your minde is to filtch their purse I would there were a meanes how to have your Braines taken out and braid in a Morter that they may bee a little better compounded for as they be thou wilt never be able to discharge thy brave Office asse thou calst it of a Scavenger for thou canst not cast up any accompt nor reckon up any summe above twenty shillings I hope thou wilt lose by it and ever after be jeered for thy folly you imagine your selfe a brave fellow doe you not because you are met by some who knowes you with a money bagge in the one hand and a Rowle of the parishioners names in the other you thinke your selfe not a little graced to bee called to this preferment because you would be taken notice of in the Parish and now you have got a great many of Titles by your Office the better to honour your person withall and these are some of them which your memory cannot beare first you are Duke of the Dung-Cart then Earle of the Channell Lord of the Soyle Vicount Rubbish Commander of the Sea-coale Ashes and Master of the Dung-hill a goodly company are they not It is no marvaile indeede you must make you a new suite of Apparrell to performe this Office in and to goe up and downe the street and from doore to doore to gather your money in as if you were to beg an Almes and goe twice or thrice before you can be paid your due you had better never had served this base stinking office and have given so much money out of your purse because you loose so much time and likewise is in danger of every raskally knave or promouters complaint to one Justice or other if a little durt bee left unlesse you give them a Fee as you often have done to hold their tongues or else you will bee clapped by the heeles a day and a night and this is all the good you will get by your great Office Husb. I prethee good wife have patience it is but a little while longer I have served it hitherto with commendations I hope I shal come off with credit though it be a little time lost and money spent I will get it up againe for that is the first Office that every man must serve and so by degrees come higher and higher and at length to be Church-warden and then let me alone to helpe my selfe for all my losse of time and expence of money I will then beg hard for the poore but charitie begins at home it is but when I receive money from the others that collect it be a little close fisted or hold it betweene my fingers with the palme of my hand down-wards and make as though I had a louse in my necke and shrug a little of one side and then of the other and so thrust it downe into my necke where I have a list of cloath about my waste that it cannot fall downe or drop out let me alone I will be cunning enough for them I will warrant you and though thou count me but a shallow
have no mettall at all in them for he hath beene this two yeeres and upward to beate out a boy or hammer out a girle and cannot troth my poultry ware is even cookt with the same sauce saith the other but I pray you what words of Art have you for him when he angers you who answered because hee is somewhat purblind sometimes I call him Owle and Booby and now and then saucer-ey'd slave and platter-fac'd rascall aske him if the great baby meanes still to bee fed with spoone meat and the like nay I never greatly studdy for his words I cut his livery out of the next cloath that comes to hand and I saith the Poulterers wife follow the same course to an heire there goes but a bare paire of sheeres betwixt them to give him his stile I need goe no further then his stall for if he vexe me I call him Goose and Widging and Dotrell and Woodcock no other then he brings with him nay if he moves me much as that which angereth him most I call him Capon but said the other never Cocke of the game I warrant you to which was replyd no I will see him in the pit first which word may carry a double meaning at which the drawer came in and asked them what do you lack when both spake at once and said either of us a good husband the drawer made answer if you have not good husbands I would you had such as you like good Gentlewomen God a mercy honest drawer for that word I will drinke to thee and thou shalt pledge me in a fresh cup of wine come draw another pint of the same Sack as you did before nay said the Pewterers wife let us not out-runne the Constable for I protest I have not above three pence in my purse it is no matter said the Poulterers wife hang money it is not that I stand upon the next customer that comes shall pay for this pint I sister said the Pewterers wife you have money at will but I can get none unlesse I save it when I goe to market or at such times when my husband is foxed that I borrow a shilling or two out of his pocket that he doth not once thinke of for by my troth hee will not give me a penny extra ordinarie to drinke a pint of wine with a friend nor have I any way to get any money but what I have told you nor doe I stirre out of doores from one weeks end to the other unlesse to market and so backe againe introth said the Poulterers wife I will not be mewed up like a hawke for I will both have money at my command and goe abroad when I please and never give an account where I have beene I marry said the Pewterers wife you spend the week merrily I must confesse I do said the Poulterers wife did you never heere the merry saying of good old women and how they spend the week about no indeed said the Pewterers wife then I will tell you said the Poulterers wife how thus you must spend the weeke and every day in the week You know that Munday is Sundayes brother Tuesday is such another Wednsday you must go to Church and pray Thursday is half holi-day On Friday it is too late to begin to spin Then Saturday is halfe holi-day agen Well said sister I commend thee for thy wit heere 's to thee one cup of Sacke the more for this merry saying I come good sister drink it off it will make you have a light hart a merry countenance kind hearted to your husband and so they cald for a reckoning paid and for that time parted A Lock-smiths wife to her husband A Lock-smith a sturdie blunt fellow and yet one that had not the trick to tame a shrew and yet was as jealous over her as any could bee over his wife that was tied to weare none but yellow stockings and shee one way as perverse as hee the other peevish would ordinarily call him Vulcan Cyclops and the like perswading him he halted though hee did not nay would not spare then to abuse him when hee was most busie at the Forge and tell him he was as teastie as his Tongs headed like his hammer his cheekes blowne up like his bellowes and if hee toucht her that his fingers pincht like his pinsers nay that there was but one degree remoov'd that was the Collier betwixt him and the Divell which he with great impatience enduring lest scoulding and began to schoole her as followeth wife 't is not your tongue but your taile that I feare women ought to keepe an hatch before the doore to have their brests bard their hearts lock't and every suspicious place bolted who had not the patience to heare him any further but interrupted him and said and what of all this goodman snickup that cannot set the doore upon the right hinges here is a coyle with your barres your bolts and your locks I know none of all these locks thou speakest of but every Tapster and Ostler hath as good a key as the best Smith of you all to open The Smiths advice to his neighbours Hee that hath a good wife make much on her Carry her to the Alehouse and bestow nothing on her If she hath any money take it all from her And if she hath none fling her upon the fire and burne her Skimmingtons Lecture to her husband which is the errand scold VVHat not a word this morning are you all alike drunke and sober cannot you speake or have you lost your tongue you may be ashamed had you any grace in you at all to bee such a common drunkard a pisse-pot a beast nay worse then a beast for they can tell when they have sufficient but thou canst not tell every day foxed at night brought home by a watchman and the next morning you are then a little crop-sick and then to cure your squeezy stomacke you get a haire with the same dog you know what I meane you drunken sot a cup of the same wine burnt or muld that you dranke raw over night this you call Physicke and say it is good and wholsome once a month and this is your course of life from one weeks end to the other As I am a sinner I am ashamed of thee thou art such a noted Taverne hunter and such a nasty beast thou makest thy selfe that I even loath thee every time I see thee in that pickle fie upon thee I could spit upon thee if it were not for shame and speech of people by this fire that burnes I will make thee ashamed and declare thy base actions and course of life to all companies wheresoever I come or goe thou art bewitched to the Taverne and to such base company that have no regard or care of their wives and family at home Husb. Good wife forbeare your violent and raging speeches I confesse I am in a fault but it shall be so no more
Skimmington and her Husband Divers Crab-tree Lectures Expressing the severall Languages that shrews read to their Husbands either at morning Noone or Night With a pleasant Relation of Shrewes Munday and Shrewes Tuesday and why they were so called Also a Lecture betweene a Pedler and his wife in the Canting Language With a new tricke to tame a Shrew Printed at London by I. Okes for Iohn Sweeting and are to be sold at his shop in Cornehill neare Popes-head Ally at the signe of the Crowne 1639. Mary Make-peace of the Mannor of All-well in Northamptonshire to all the Sisters of her Female Society Health Hearts-ease and Happinesse Sweete Sisters ANd fellow Spinsters for the weakest of us is no worse and the best no better it is the Character under which all our Sexe is comprehended I lovingly salute you all hoping you are in as good health of body and in quiet of minde as I was at the writing hereof These are further to let you understand that it is come to my hearing how by the course carriage of some amongst our Sexe others whose modesties are no way guilty of the like misdemeanour are not privately bated but even in Print publickly branded by such who consider not that as there was a Maechael Helena so there was a Matron-like Hecuba and as a loose Lais so a loyall Lucrese Nor that we might as well retort upon them that as there was an Hercules so there was an Herostratus and as a Salemon so a Sinon But all this is to little or no purpose you know my name is Mary Make-peace and have alwaies studied to make peace betwixt both Sexes Then though they raile at us let not us revile them for patience must prove our best preservative For as the Grammer rule learnedly instructeth us Foemineo generi triâ—â—untur propria quae maribus which is as I interpret it Though the Feminine gender bee troublesome let us seeke to please proper men least they bring us downe upon our Maribones which done we shal prevent all prejudice and divert all disasters I confesse there is Tabitha Turbulent of a terrible tongue and Franke Froward who though shee bee given more to pouting than to prating yet neither of them I hold to be necessary Betrisse Bould-face doth all things without blushing And Ellen Ever-heard makes too much noyse amongst her neighbours And of the like quality and condition are Parnell Prate a pace and Rachell Raile at him Vrsula Vpsefreeze is condemned to for her uncivill carriage as proov'd to be no better than a pot companion As for Hannah Hit him home and Ioaene Iowle him well they are valued in the ranke of Vixens and will be loud by no allowance these hnmours I like not Marry againe for that 's our womens constant phrase when we bury our husbands There are on the contrary side Grace grieve him not a simple and good soule Kate Kisse-well no cunning but a conniving creature Luce Lye-close no wanton but a willing wench Dorothy Doe-little not to be caveld at because so cald for you know the Proverbe so said so done and little said soone amended and for Sisly Sweet-lips my sister and Margery Quiet my Cousen-german if all the rest were of their simplicity and modesty men shonld not have such reason to cavell at us nor wee such cause to complaine of them Alas why should not Ivory teeth bridle intemperate tongues and soft lippes conceale fullen hearts or why should a faire face bee the betrayer of hidden faults of all these things as a Sister of your society I thought good to advise you Given at our Mannor of ALL-VVELL MARY MAKE-PEACE The Table OF Shrewes Munday shrewes Tuesday and why they are so called p. 1 A Lecture of an Apothecaries wife to her husband who was chosen Seavenger in his parish p. 10 A Lecture of a Barbers wife to her husband p. 21. A Lecture of a Serieant or Catchpoles wife to her husband p. 26 A Lecture of a Country Sadlers wife to her husband p. 32 A Lecture of an Horse-coursers wife to her husband p. 37 A Lecture of a Taylers wife to her husband p. 47 A Lecture of a Poets wife to her Husband p. 59 A Lecture of a Farriers wife to her Husband and a neighbour a Glasiers wife comming to mediate the matter fall both a railing p. 66 Item for the Farriers dyet which he had alwaies from his wife p. 36 A Lecture of a Butchers wife to her husband p. 89 A Lecture of a shooe-makers wife to her husband p. 96 A Lecture of a Bakers wife to her husband p. 102 A Lecture of an Inne-keepers wife to her husband p. 109 A Lecture of a Tobacco mans wife to her husband A Lecture of a Locke-smiths wife to her husband p. 128 Skimmingtons Lecture to her Husband which is the errand sold. p. 132 A Lecture of a discreet and modest wife to her husband who was an Aldermans Deputy p. 150 A Lecture of an Informers wife to her husband p. 162 A Lect. of a Country mans wife that was a gentlemans Baily p. 169 A Lecture of a Brokers wife to her Husband p. 177 A Lecture betwen a pedler and his wife in the Canting phrase p. 188 A discourse between two maids concerning their sweet-hearts p. 196 A new way to tame a shrew p. 210 A Crab-tree Lecture Of shrewes Munday and Shrewes Tuesday and why they were so called THey are much mistaken who call these two dayes in the beginning of the first weeke of Lent Shrove-Munday and shrove-Shrove-Tuesday for wee have no word either from the old Brittish Danish or Saxon Tongue neither from any other intermixed language significant to that purpose proper to the dayes or suiting with the time But if the Reader desire to bee instructed in the truth from the Originall Know that the words are mis-written and mis-sounded and mistaken for they should be read and voyc'd Shrewes-Munday and shrewes-Shrewes-Tuesday and the reason why they ought to bee so I have beene instructed thus It is by ancient Custome held to be the only season for Collops and Egges Fritters and Pancakes and as in the City so both in the Court and Countrey But the accident following which I am now to relate first happened in the Countrey Of a Farmers Wife AN honest plaine simple Farmer on this leading day of the weeke comming hungry from the Plough found his Wife busily making Pancakes for him and his family The good man being at that time more humorous than needed beganne to be very capcious at every thing taking unjust exceptions at the coursenesse of the flower the taste of the Suite the thicknesse of the Batter and the like At which the good woman though shee smothered it outwardly yet vexing inwardly to bee so crost and troubled in her businesse as knowing he was better experienced in the Plough than the Panne and to eate Pancakes better than to make them intreated him to sit downe and be patient and shee would