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B09153 Theatre of wits ancient and modern attended with severall other ingenious pieces from the same pen [brace] viz. I. Faenestra in pectore, or, A century of familiar letters, II. Loves labyrinth: A tragi-comedy, III. Fragmenta poetica, or, Poetical diversions, IV. Virtus redivivi, a panegyrick on our late king Charles of ever blessed memory concluding with A panegyrick on His Sacred Majesties most happy return / by T.F. Forde, Thomas. 1661 (1661) Wing F1548A; ESTC R177174 187,653 418

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flower of thy hopes And to repay thy folly with thy shame Do not go on to kindle such a fire Within my breast as shall consume both thee And all that cross the current of my will Sam. I have already sad experience of The wilde effects of his enraged will aside Yet such the crosness of my fortune is I must again be made the subject of His furious tyrannie but I 'm resolv'd Know Sir I value more my minds content Than all the gawdie shows Courts can present I am too well confirmed in the bliss And sweet content attends a Country life To leave it for the giddy-headed Court. Besides my true affections are so riveted Unto my Melecertus that nor frowns Nor flatteries shall part my heart from him Cease therefore farther to commence a suit Nature forbids me grant and you to ask Kin. And have I with my Kingly robes laid by My Kingly mind No it shall ne're be said A womans will hath contradicted mine But 't is by policie that I must work Since I have laid my Kingly power aside I 'll set my brains o'th'tenter hooks and stretch Them to their uttermost abilities To win this scornful beautie to my wife Or else revenge it with her dearest life Exit Scaen. 3. Sam. My life hath hitherto been chequer'd with Varietie of fortunes sometimes with A white of happiness and then a black Of miserie thus loves bright day of mirth Is follow'd with a darker night of woe How fair of late my fortune seem'd to be And now alas o're-cast with blackest clouds Of discontents wherein I labour with Important suits I cannot may not grant No no my Melecertus I am firm To thee nor shall the rain of tears Or winds of threats remove me from thy love Be thou but constant nay I know thou art I will not wrong thee with so foul a thought As once to doubt thou canst be otherwise Enter Plusidippus Plu. You 're from your shepherds now or their defence Presume not they can rescue you 't is past Their skill or power to force you from mine arms Sam. Alas fond boy I scorn thy threats as much As I hate thee or slight thy boasted strength Were but my Melecertus here he would Whip thy rudeness into better manners Plu. 'T is well you are a woman not a man And have no other weapon but your tongue Which you are priviledg'd to use and we To laugh at But in short if you 'l accept My love and service then shall you be safe And happy Souldiers cannot talk but with Their swords and then they strike gain-sayers dumb Sam. All this is nothing for your words nor swords Shall not remove me from my dearest friend He hath my heart and I have nothing left But hate if you 'l accept of that 't is all That I can give or you receive from me Plu. You must be dealt with as we use to do With sullen birds I 'll shut you up and then Perhaps you 'l sing another note you are Not yet in tune you are too high for me But I will take you lower I will plough Your heart with grief and then perhaps it will Better receive the seed of my true love Sam. Sooner the turtle shall forget her mate Than I my Melecertus and when I Can't see him with mine eys my mind shall rove Wing'd with desire throughout the spacious world And find no rest until it meet with him And though our bodies never meet our souls Shall joyn and love each other after death Thus is true love immortal and shall never Die but with our souls shall live for ever Plu. Shepherd who e're thou art I cannot chuse But envie thee thy happiness who hast So true a love I cannot but admire This noble soul and love her though she hate Me for 't I 'll treat her civilly and it I can't obtain her for a wife she shall My goddess be and I 'll adore her name Though at a distance Lady will you walk Exeunt Scaen. 4. Enter King Damocles It is an ill wind that blows no man good Though the Thessalian lad have got the prize In his possession it shall not be long But I will have them both in mine I have Dispatch'd a letter to my Lords to send Me suddenly some servants to assist Enter Menaphon My plot Now Menaphon what is the newes Men. Great Sir the messenger 's return'd and brought The men you sent for they are here at hand Kin. 'T is well direct them to the castle that I told you of and give them charge to seize Upon the buzzard and his prey and bring Them both to me mean-time go you and find Out Melecertus that I may be sure Of him for he 's my rival in my love Men. My Liege all shall be done to your desire Exit Kin. Blest policie thou far exceed'st dull strength That wanders in the dark of ignorance Wanting the eye of wisedome both to guide And to defend it from approaching harms Thus art with ease doth move the pondrous load Which strength could never master or remove The Foxes tail must piece the Lions skin Little Ulysses with his wit did more Against the foe than Ajax with his strength Exit Scaen. 5. Enter Samela It is some comfort yet that I can change My prison though I am a pris'ner still Would I could change my companie as soon But ah most wretched Samela who wert Born to misfortunes and to nothing else As if that I alone were fortunes mark At which she onely ayms her angry darts The morning of mine age was clouded with Mishaps and now my noon is like to be The fatal night unto my miserie My Gaoler is so kind as if he meant To bribe my love but these are gilded pills I cannot swallow Should my Father get Me into his possession once again I were as bad or worse I know too well His passion to hope any help from him I 'll tell him plainly who I am and trie If time have dull'd the edge of 's crueltie Perhaps the kinder gods may move his heart To pitie and convert his rage to love He is my father still and though unkind To me yet can I not forget I am His child and owe a dutie to his name He is my King and so I must obey His will if I must suffer let it be From his rather than from a strangers hands Exit Scaen. 6. Enter Doron reading I think I am provided now if Poetrie Will do 't my Carmila is mine these Wittie knaves what fine devices they Have got to fetter maidens hearts The Poet Orpheus made the Thracian Dames dance after his pipe and Ovid Charm'd the Emperours daughter with His Poetrie there are some secret Charms in these same verses sure Enter Carmila Let me see here what I have got Ha Carmila look here I think You 'l love me now Reads Carmila A Miracle Car. A miracle for what Doron Dor. Why a miracle of beautie and I
that there are yet some that dare patronize the Muses when grown poor But as the scarcitie increases your honour so would it my shame if I should be so ingrateful as not to acknowledge it though I must confess my retribution will be as bad as my mind is good to erect a Pyramid to your singular example in this Age. Not that I intend any Panygerick of your praises that were fitter for the Pen of Pliny or the Mouth of Cicero Give me leave only without a blush to acknowledge my many engagements to your merit lest I should meet with the obloquie of the French who the Historian sayes remember good turns no longer than they are in doing Sir when I seriously consider your large reward of so short a desert me thinks had I Plutarchs art I could parallel it with the bounty of Artaxerxes who return'd precious gifts to poor Sinaetas for his handful of water Or if that be too small to Alexander the Great who returned doubly to Anaxarchus for a small gift he received of him Thus rich grounds yeild double flowers for single seeds Or yet if these be too low to Streton who studied to excel all other men in Liberalitie And might it not be thought flattery to praise a man to his face I would tell others that your Generous disposition is a miracle in this Age equal'd if not excel'd one of whom the Ancients boast that was readier to give than others to receive But I fear to offend your modesty will therefore silently admire what I cannot safely speak knowing there is also an eloquence in silence Yet would I not altogether have my thankfulness like men near the River Ganges without a Tongue Alas Sir what worth was there in that plain piece that should cause so rich a recompence Truly Sir besides the reverence which as a dictate to natures law I alwayes bare you your many favours but especially the last will exact from me without a complement the speech of Furnius to Caesar Efficisti●ut viverem morer ingratus Excuse the relating it in it's proper Idiom For though it be said that the Tuscane Speech sounds better in the mouth of Stranger● than of the Natives I think not so of the Latine You have so obliged me that to use the expression of a Father to his friend I owe you Et quae possum quae non possum So that did I not hope to meet with a merciful Creditor I must break without hope of compounding However though you have cast your gift into a shallow Forde yet it is so transparent that you may see it without fear of being covered with any Lethe of forgetfulness Nor have you cast your coyn on so soft a nature that you should not hear it gingle at least in an Eccho of Thanks Although when I have done all my Thankfulness must be like Timantes his Pictures wherein was more to be understood than there was exprest Thus Sir assuring you here is nothing but what is the immediate Transcript of my Heart I crave leave to boast my self Sir your solely engaged Servant T.F. To Mr. J.H. Honesty THy Letter was as welcome to me as ever was rain to the parched earth I thank thee thee infinitely but that 's no payment Well set all upon the Tally and 't is possible we may one day cross scores Excuse my shortness at this time and let this Country Newes supply the defect 'T is this That Phoebus now courts the Lady Flora as rudely as he did his Mother that bit off her ear when he should have kiss'd her That the Quadrupled Animals fare deliciously for they feed on Roast-meat every day That the Sun hath saved the Husbandmen a labour of mowing and making their Hay for it now grows Hay like him that sowed Ma●● to avoid the charge trouble of making it of Barly That the world being turn'd Round our Climate is exchang'd for Spain or some more sweating Country That we here know no reason of this unparallel'd Heat unless it be because we have now so many ruling Suns in the Sphere where there used to be but One. That if this weather hold we are like to have no raw fish but all ready boyl'd before taken and all our drink burnt-wine or vinegar That the poor Ephemer is suffer Martyrdome every day That at night when Sol is with our Antipodes we feel his heat through the cracks of the earth That this extream heat makes the Heavens sweat a little sometimes in stead of rain Item That my Ink is converted to Jet Item That there 's no more Newes For 't is none that I am Your T. F. To Mr. R. R. Sir I Dare not pretend to so much Philologie as to criticize upon your term of Infinitiores gratias your adopting by your using it is sufficient to patronize it and pass it through the guards of the strictest enquiry Here could I well cease and in stead of answering which I shall never admire at your Elegant Letter you were pleased to honour me with wherein what streams of Eloquence what flames of Love what Rhetorick what Realitie nay what not So that were all Epistles like yours I would not wonder that Learning and Letters are terms convertible I honour the presence of my friends but may it ever be supplyed by such Letters and I shall never complain of their absence Before I loved you as a friend but now I honour you as a wit But how easily doe passions exalted transport us And how willingly do we yield the cloak of our resolutions to the flatttering Sun of praise But I am too conscious of mine own unworthiness to admit those large Encomiums your flourishing pen hath adorned me with 'T is a Posie of rare beauty but I dare not accept it lest there should lie a snake of flattery under those fairer Flowers And I wish you have not shown your Wit and hazarded your Judgment When I read your neat lines really I cannot but love them for their gallantness and pitie them that they had no better a Subject Me thinks they seem like rich cloaths upon a poor man that do not sute or like the Kings Saddle upon the Millers horse Who will not suspect your eyes blindfolded with love that have made Paris choise and extoll'd a homely face for an Heavenly beauty Well since my deserts are too short to scale them I shall I 'll assure you keep it by me as too rich a cloth for my meanness and shall lay it before me as a pattern of what would I be rather than a picture of what I am Now to your Why let me return a Wherefore I have to use your expression and who can use better masked my self under the single letters of T. F. that being unknown I might more freely hear the worlds censure I remember a facetious tale of a Frenchman that had printed much concealing his own name One asking a man that brought his Copies to the press Who the
That the Volume is small my diligence hath been the greater for I have laboured to substract rather than multiply them not putting in every one I met with but what was best at least in my opinion These are but the fi st fruits your acceptance may ripen them into a larger harvest if God shall lend me time and opportunity I have waved any particular Dedication as not willing to entitle any man to the Patronage of my weaknesses nor am I of that vain humour of Appian the Grammarian who promised immortality to those to whom he dedicated any of his Works And they who write to Lords rewards to get Donnes Sat. Are they not like singers at doors for meat There is a Vine in Asia that brings forth Burnt-wine Johnston Hist Nat so excellent saith mine Author that none exceeds it Such is the nature of these short sentences they are ready dress'd and dish'd out to thy hand like some Diamonds which grow smoothand polished and need no farther labour to fit them for use but using As it is said of Isidore the Philosopher that he spake not words but the very substance and essence of things They contain magnum in parvo much matter in a few words Significant potius quam exprimunt You have here much gold in a little ore easie for carriage ready for use We have many things to learn and but little time to live I know not therefore any kind of Learning more pleasant or more profitable than this which teacheth us many lessons in a few lines But I will not waste thy time Reader whilst I study to improve it and to approve my self Thy servant T. F. Apothegmes AN old Mass-Priest in the dayes of Hen. 8. reading in English after the Translation of the Bible the mircale of the five loaves and two fishes when he came to the verse that reckoneth the number of the guests he paused a little and at last said they were about 500 the Clerk whispered into the Priests ears that it was 5000 but the Priest turned back and replied with indignation Hold your peace sirrah we shall never make them believe they were 500. Aristides said concerning the Elegance of the City of Smyrna that no man except he which shall see it will be drawn to believe it The Savages an English Family held Ardes in Ireland long in possession amongst whom there goeth a great name of Him who said no less stoutly than pleasantly when he was moved to o build a Castle for his defence that he would not trust to a castle of stones but rather to a castle of bones Meaning his own body Columbane a Monk of Ireland when Sigebert King of the Frankners dealt very earnstly with him and that by way of many fair and large promises that he should not depart out of his Kingdom Answered him That it became not them to embrace other mens riches who for Christs sake had forsaken their own Porpherie in regard of the many tyrants rising up in his dayes in Britain cried out in these terms Britain a foolish Province of tyrants St. Ambrose in his Funeral Sermon of Theodosius cryeth out in these terms that Eugenius and Maximus who had five years usurped the Empire by their woful example doe testifie in hell what a heavy thing it is to bear arms against their Natural Prince Of this Maximus it is said that he was a valiant man victorious and worthy the title of Augustus but that against his allegiance he had by way of tyranny and usurpation attained the place Homer saith of one that had a misfortune It was because he did not honour his Parents Upon a triumph all the Emperor Severus's Souldiers for the greater pomp were to put on Crowns of Bayes but one Christian there was amongst them which wore it on his arm and being demanded the reason boldly answered It becomes not a Christian to be crowned in this life Arnobius was wont to say that persecution brings death in one hand and life in the other for while it kills the body it crowns the soul The Empress Eudoxia sending a threatning message to Chrysostom for boldly reproving her He answered Go tell her I fear nothing but sin Justus Jonas said of Luther that he could have of God what he pleased Epaminondas being asked what was the greatest joy he ever had in the world He said Leutrica Victoria the Battel of Leutrick Rocardus King of Frisland being by Wolfranius perswaded to be Baptized having one foot in the Font the other out asked Wolfranius where went the most part of his Predecessors that were not Baptized To hell said Wolfranius then Rocardus drew his foot out of the Font saying It was best following of the greatest company The Devil meeting with a devout Hermit asked him three questions First what should be the strangest thing that God made in a little frame He answered a mans face The second Where was the Earth higher than all the Heavens Where Christs body born of the Virgin Mary was adored of Angels and Archangels The third What space was between Heaven and Earth Thou knowest best said the Hermit which wast from Heaven thrown down to the Earth L. Silla finding his souldiers tim●rous and fearful to fight with Archelaus 〈◊〉 General drew out his sword and said You souldiers that mean to fly to Rome tell them at Rome that you left Silla your General fighting in the midst of the Battel with the enemies in Boetia Philipides the Poet refused to be of King Lysimachus Counsel that when the King said to him What wilt thou that I give unto thee Nothing said the poor Poet but onely this that I may not be of thy Council In a publick meeting with all the Princes of Germany at Wormatia where the Duke of Saxon first preferring his mettals and rich veins of earth the Duke of Bavaria much commending his strong and brave Cities and Towns and the Duke Palatine of his wines and fertility of his lands the Duke of Wittenbergh said I can lay my head and sleep upon the lap of any of my subjects I have abroad in the field every where Huic facile concedite palmam said Maximilian the Emperor Give him the palm Themistocles being asked whose Oration he would hear Even him said Themistocles that can best set forth my praise and advance my fame Isocrates repeating an Oration of Demosthenes his adversary at Rhodes they of Rhodes much delighting therein and much commending the Oration that Isocrates made though he was enemy to Demosthenes was forced against his will to say to the people What if you had heard the beast himself pronouncing his own Oration Julius Caesar seeing certain men of Apulia in Rome carrying Apes upon their arms playing asked the men If they had no women in Apulia to get children to play withal Diogenes when he saw mice creeping for some crums to his table would say Behold Diogenes also hath his parasites Lewis the ●th was wont
grave I 'll tempt his god-ship with a song and see If verse not sighs will gain the victorie 1. No more no more Fond Love give o're Dally no more withme Strike home and bold Be hot or cold Or leave thy deitie 2. In love luke-warm Will do more harm Than can feavers heat Cold cannot kill So soon as will A fainting dying sweat 3. I cannot tell When sick or well Physick or poyson give Still in anguish I do languish Or let me die or live 4. If I must be Thy Votarie Be thou my friend or foe If thou wilt have Me be thy slave Hold fast or let me goe Sure Cupid hath resign'd his place and giv'n His god-head unto Carmela whose eyes Wound more than ever did his darts But what is that if she have power to hurt And wanteth mercie for to heal those hurts I fear whilst I make her my deitie I do but thereby make her proud And with my own hands place her out of reach Yet she is in distress and that should make Enter Doron Listens and laughs Her humble I relieve her therefore she Hath the more reason thus to relieve me And certain she will rather love than want Dor. Ha ha ha c. are you catch'd Menaphon I'faith I think y' are fetter'd now you 'r hang'd i th' brambles of love as well as I. You laugh'd At me before but now I 'll laugh at you Men. Ah Doron now I crave thy pitie for I never thought an earthly beautie could So soon have fetter'd me what did I say An earthly No Doron she is heavenly Brighter than Phoebus in his glittring pride Venus her self was not so fair a Bride Do. How now Menaphon I 'm afraid thou wilt Be a beggar shortly thou art a Poet already One of the thred-bare crew that ragged regiment Enter Samela Men. See Doron see see where she comes who with Her brighter lustre can create a day At mid-night when the Sun is gone to sleep Eclipse his noon-tide glory with her light Her absence would benight the world cloath't In blackest darkness for to mourn it's loss Sam. Good-morrow Host how thrive your well-fed flocks Men. My flocks do thrive Lady and can't do less Blest with the auspicious sun-shine of your eyes And I were too ingrateful if I should Deny to give you back again what I Enjoy but by your beauteous influence Sam. Y' are merry Menaphon if not prophane To rob the gods of what is due to them To give it to the object of their scorn Could I dispense good fortunes I should not Forget my self chuse the meanest lot Exeunt Dor. This 't is to be in love how spruce is Menaphon Become of late as he were always going To a feast and talks as if he were some Citie Orator Why can I not do so I 'm Sure I am in love as well as he But I 'll go hire some journey-man Poet or other And he shall make me some verses For my Carmela And that will do as Well as if I made them my self I 'll Set my brand upon them and then no Body will question them to be mine no More than they do my sheep that are mark'd Enter Melecertus Scaen. 3. Ay ay it shall be so Oh Melecertus Yonder is the finest shepherdess that ever The moon held the candle of her light to the Shepherd Menaphon has got her to him as If because he is the Kings shepherd he Must have the Queen of Shepherdesses Mel. Hast seen her Doron and dost know her name Dor. Seen her ay and sigh to see her too her name I Think is Stamela no no Samela Samela Ay ay that 's her name I have it now I would I had her too Mel. What kind of woman is she canst thou tell Dor. Ay or else I were naught to keep sheep Mel. Can thy tongue paint her forth to mine car Dor. Ay ay legible I warrant you Her eyes are like two diamonds I think for I never saw any before and her locks are All gold like the golden fleece our shepherds fleece Tell of Mel. It were good vent'ring for that golden Doron as Jason long since did for his Dor. Her hands are all ivory like the bone-haft Of my best knife her alablaster and her Eyes black as my blackest lamb her cheeks Like roses red and white that grow together What think you of her now have I not made A fair picture on her Mel. Ay Doron were this picture painted to The life as thou hast here described it It could not chuse but make an absolute Rare and compleat piece of deformitie Dor. Nay nay if you don 't like it I don't Care but I had it out of an old book of My brother Moron's they call'm Rogue-mances I think my brother Ha's a whole tumbrel full on'm he 's Such a Bookish block-head Mel. Nay be not angry Doron I believe Thou mean'st a beautie beyond expression And such an one I had till envious fate Rob'd me of her and all my joyes at once Heavens envying at my happiness Sent death to fetch her from me and she 's dead Dead Doron dead she's dead to me and to The world and all but to my memorie weeps Dor. Fie Melecortus what dost mean to Weep what wilt thou make dirt of Her ashes with thy tears Mel. Well Doron we forget our flocks and we Shall miss the shepherds merry meeting Dor. That 's true and there will be the shepherdesses Too and Menaphon will bring his fine Mistris thither there shalt thou see her But first mask thine eyes lest thou lose Them and become love-blind as I am Good Melecertus take the pains to lead me Exeunt Scan. 4. Enter King Damocles melancholy 2 Lords Kin. How wretched am I grown I hate my self And care not now for my own company I loath thee light and fain would hide my self From mine own eyes I 'm wearie of my life Where shall I hide my self that there I may Deceive th' approaches of discov'ring day I 'll seek some gloomy cave where I may lie Entomb'd alive in shades of secrecie Fxit 1 Lo. His thoughts are much perplex't black despair May push him on unto some desp'rate act If not prevented by our vigilance 2 Lo. This is th' effect of rash resolves when hast And passion hurry men to do those things Reason would wish undone at least delay'd Our wills spur'd on by rage ne're stop till we Blinded with anger headlong throw our selves From dangers praecipice into a gulf Of black despairing thoughts and then too late Repentance lends us so much light as may Shew us our madness and our miserie 1 Lo. Ill actions never go unpunished They are their own tormentors and do prove At last furies to lash the guilty soul 2 Lo. When reason is depos'd passion reigns Nothing but lawless actions do appear When passion hath usurp't the helm And steers a wild uncertain course not by The card and compass of advice the ship