poore vndeserued seruant hauing formerly oftent â—â—â—es presented to your Highnesse many small Pamphlets the best fruits of my leane and sterill inuention and alwaies your Princely affability and beunty did expresse and manifest your Royall and generous disposition and whereas your Gracious Father of euer blessed and famous memory did not onely like and encourage but also more then reward the barren gleanings of my Poeticall inuentions so now I am bold to present vnto your Maiestie this my best and superlatiue part of my last studies I know Royall Sir that mans Pilgrimage here must haue a period and as the Trâ—â— falls East or West so it rises and He that knowes the heart doth know that I doe not hypocritically take to heart that many numberlesse Blasphemies Curses and Oathes which are carelesly presumptuously and damnably breathed euery day houre and minute against the Almighty and infinite Maiestie of God Sure I am that God takes my part in resisting and writing against these crying crimes and I am perswaded that your Maiestie hath an innated Christian hured of them I likewise know that all good men doe abhorre and detest them and as on the one side I will or would not be a Stoicke or Precisian nor on the other side an Atheist so in the mid-way I haue written this small Treatise to expresse my selfe a Christian and what a Christian in these points should be and though the worke be small and rudely compil'd though I the Author am altogether meritlesse of any good yet is the matter great and so great that it merits the protection of all such as doe acknowledge there is a God Wherefore I humbly beseech your Maiestie to accept and Patronize this poore labour of mine that your powerfull approuement of it may make it passe thorow all your Kingdomes and Territories Cum Priuilegio that children by reading it in their youths may haue an ingrafted hatred of these sinnes that elder people may thereby here formed from them that all in generall may loath and abhorre them that God may be honoured and our soules eternally saued Your Maiesties humble Subiect and seruant IOHN TAYLOR AGAINST CVRSING AND SVVEARING GOD by whose incomprehensible power all things were made of nothing Genesis 1. By whose vnspeakable mercy all true Beleeuers are Redeemed Isay 52 3. By whose Almighty Prouidence all things great and small are conserued Mat. 10. 29. And nothing can passe without it Pro. 16. 33. Whose Name is holy Luke 1. 49. Whose name is a strong Towre to defend the Righteous Pro. 28. 10. And a consuming fire against obstinate impenitent sinners Deut. 4. 24. Who is a jealous and reuenging God Nahum 1. 2. Who filleth Heauen and Earth and seeth all things Ieremie 23. 24. Who is the Lord of Hosts 2 Sem. 6. 17 18. Who hath sworne by Himselfe that to him euery knee shall bow in feare and reuerence of his dreadfull Maiesty Isay 45. 23. Who hath beene so gracious that he hath made Man onely for his owne seruice and so bountifull that he hath made all other Creatures for the seruice of Man who blessed him and gaue him power to blesse in the glorious Name of the Lord of Hosts 2 Sam. 6. 17 18. Who in a fearefull voyce of Thunder did in mount Sinai proclaime his sacred Law and denounced this dreadfull and terrible Iudgement that he would not hold him guiltlesse that takes his name in vaine euen that God hath forbidden vs to curse Exod 20. 7. But to blesse them that Curse vs Rom. 12. 14. Luke 6. 28. Mat. 5.44 Yet neuerthelesse by the temptation of that old and irreconciliable enemy of God and Man by the malice and mischiefe of that old Dragon and subtill Serpent the Deuill Man hath mounted and spred to such a height and bredth these execrable vices of Cursing Swearing and Blaspheming that all estates and conditions high and low great and small oldor young male and female are vniuersally possessed with these impieties and by long custome it is in a manner almost as naturall as eating drinking or sleeping as though there were no God that had forbad these crying crimes or no hell reserued for a punishment of them In this small Treatise I doe not put pose to condemne all sorts of Cursing or Swearing for that were to declare and pronounce my selfe Accursed but my intent is as God pleaseth to enable me to declare how farre these two brethren Curses and Oathes are lawfull or vnlawfull and because I find Cursing to be the most elder and of most antiquity I purpose first to shew as farre as I haue assured warrant my opinion concerning Curses and Execrations Curses and Cursing are deuided into foure seuerall kindes As First From God to Man Secondly From Man to Man Thirdly From Man to himselfe Fourthly From Man to God The first is Iust for God did neuer Curse any Man Family Tribe Kingdome or Nation but there was a iust deseruing of that Curse for Man being altogether sinfull and God infinitely Iust Gods Curse is due and iust for the transgression of Man The Second is vncharitable as when one Man curseth another for all Men that are Christians who haue one and the same Redemption in the blood of Christâ—esus who doe in the Lords Prayer call God Our Father are forbidden to Curse and commanded to them that Curse vs. The third is when a man shall Curse himselfe which is more vncharitable for Charity should begin ar home and can that man be thought to wish well to any man that wisheth hurt to himselfe or may it be conceiued that he that is so gracelesse to Curse himselfe hath the grace to pray for another The fourth is when Man doth Curse God which is most damnable for can there be a most execrable sinne then such impious ingratitude that the Creature should Curse the Creatorâ—â— that the redeemed should Blaspheme hir Redeemer or that impiety should mount to such a height of impudency as to curse ' the blessed Spirit Of these foure in Order FOr the first God did most iustly Curse our first Parents in Paradise and in all People and Nations being of their of-spring are originally polluted with their transhressions and miserable subiects to the same Curse and doe all generally vndergoe the same punishment which is that the Man shall eate his Bread in sorrow labour and in the sweate of his face all the dayes of his life and that the Womaman shall bring forth her children in paine and sorrow and be subiect to the rule of her husband Genesis 3. Also the same time God Cursed the Earth for the sinne of Adam which Curse was that it should bring forth Thornes and Thistles and without mans great toyle and labour the Earth doth yeeld vs very small sustenance Likewise God did most iustly Curse Kain for murthering his innocent brother Abelâ— the Curse was that Kain should be a vagabond and a runnagate vpon the face of the Earth and that his labours should be accursed
was kil'd by a Deere his son K. William Rusus kil'd for a Deer Henry his grandchilde strucke into the iawes with a bough and hanged so till he was found dead Neuerthlesse he built many Abbies Priories Garisons Houses and Caslles amongst the which the Towre of London was one He died at Roane 1087 September 9. he was not onely robd and risted of all his goods and Kingly ornaments and riches but barbarously stripped and left naked on the floore not hauing any one to attend his carcasse but for saken of all Such is the frailty and misery of earthly greatnesse Lastly he had much adoe to get a graue which in the end with great difficulty was purchased for him at Cane in Normandy WILLIAM THE IJ Surnamed RVFVS KING OF ENGLAND And DVKE OF NORMANDY VVHat my triumphant Father wan I held I pill'd poll'd this Kingdom more then he Great Tributes from my people I compeld No place in Church or Common-wealth was freee But alwaies those that would giue most to me Obtain'd their purpose being wrong or right The Clergy I enforced to agree To sell Church-plate and Chalices out-right Vntill at last by the Almighties might My Kingly power and force was forcelesse made My glorious pompe that seem'd t'eclips mens sight Did vanish by a glance by chance and fade For hunting in new-forrest voyd of feare A Subiect flew me shooting at Decre Anno 1087. September 26. being Sunday William the second surnamed Rufus by â—â— son of his ruddy or red colour was crowned at Westminster by Lanfrank Archbishop of Canâ—â—terbury his elder brother Robert being Duke â—â— Normandy who likewise claimed the Crowne â—â— he was pacified with the mediation of the friends â—â— William and the promise of 3000 markes a yeere â— Robert departed this Land after is had beene â—â— wasted with their contentions Then after little breathing time the Welsh arose in Armes and Malcolme King of Scots Inuaded England burning and spolying as farre as Chester â—â— soone as the peace was made betwixt the King William and Malcolme the two brothers William and Robert sell at oddes again and again are appeased After that Malcolme King of Scoâ—â—â— made an inroad into England againe whom Roâ—bert Moubray Earle of Northumberland lyâ—â— in ambush suddenly slew in which action Edwâ—â— King Malcolms sonne likewise was slaine Afâ—â— which the third time the 2 brothers Robert â—â— William sell againe at variance and after â—â— trouble are againe reconciled Then Duke Robertâ—â— goeth to Ierusalem and conquers it In the yeere 1099. the Schisme began there beeing 2 Popes â— at Rome the other at Auigniou in France The K. William was as valiant a prince as the warâ— yeelded and a great opposer of the indirect coursâ—â— the see of Rome Many fearefull things happened in his reigne as earthquakes dreadfull lightning and Apparitions Blazing Commets in strangeâ— gures Inundations Deluges to the destruction is people and much land ouerwhelmed with theâ—neuer to be recouered amongst the which â—â— Goodwins lands were drowned and are now câ—â—â— Goodwin sands At Finchamsted in Barkinâ— there was a Well of blood which flowed 15 dayes When this King had reigned neere 13 years he was vnfortunately slaine by a French Knight S t Water Tirrell and brought to Winchester in a Câ—liers cart and there buried Anno 1100 Angâ—â—â— HENRY THE FIRST Surnamed BEAVCLARKE KING OF ENGLAND And DVKE OF NORMANDY MY Father and my Brother Kings both gone With acclamations Royall I was crown'd Had hauing gain'd the Scepter and the Throne I with the name of Beauclarke was renown'd The English Lawes long lost I did refound False waights and measures I corrected true The power of Wales in fight I did confound And Normandy my valour did subdue Yet I vnmindfull whence these glories grew My eldest Brother Robert did surprise Detain'd him and vsurp'd his Royall due And most vnnat ' rally pluckt out his eyes Kings liue like Gods but yet like men they dye All must pay Natures due and to did I. Anno 1100. August I Wednesday Henry the I a Prince of incomparable wisdom learning for which indowments he was surnamed Beauclark he mollified the seuentty of his Father and brother lawes he cashierd and punished all flatrers parasites froÌ„ his Court but his elder brother Robert Duke of Normandy hearing of the death of his brother Rufus makes haste from is Conquest and Kingdome of Ierusalem if hee had pleased and comming into England landed at Portsmouth claiming the Crowne but by aduice of the Nobles on either part it was agreed that King Henry should pay vnto Duke Robert 3000 markes yeerely but by the instigation of some discontented persons the two brothers disagree againe and in the fift yeere of King Henry Duke Robert landed in England again then there was a â—ayned peace made between them which in the 7 yeere of this king was broken and in the 8 yeere King Henry tooke his brother Duke Robert and caused his eyes to be put out Thus iust the same day forty yeers that the Duke of Normandy conquered England that very day did this Henry the first King of England conquer Normandy Henry the fourth Emperour of Germany marryed Maude the Daughter of king Henry This King was the first thai ordained the High court of Parliament In the yeare 1020. Prince William the sonne of king Henry of the age of 17 crossing the Seas from France towards England with his wife the Duke of Anious daughter and his sister Maud the Lady Lucy a Neece of the Kings the Earle of Chester with diuers other Noblemen Ladies and others to the number of 160 were all most miserably drown'd not any of them saued but a poor Butcher The king hauing no children left but his daughter Maude the Empresse The Emperor her Husband beeing dead she came into England to whom the king her father caused his Nobles to sweare allegeance as to his lawfull heire after his decease which Empresse after was married to Ieffrie Plantagenet Earle of Aniou The King after many troubles with the French Welsh Scots and Englsih with forraigne and Ciuill warres vnfortunate and vntimely losse of children and friends after 35 yeeres reigns he dyed at Saint Dennis in Normandy whose corpes were brought into England and buried at Reding 1135. STEPHEN KING OF ENGLAND AND DVKE OF NORMANDY BY wrested Titles and vsurping claime Through storms tempests of tumultuous wars The Crowne my fairest marke and foulest ayme I wonne and wore beleaguerd round with iars The English Scots and Normans all prepares Their powers exposing to oppose my powers Whilst this land ladeo and o'rwhelm'd with cares Fndures whilst war wo want and death deuoures But as yeers months weeks days decline by houres Houres into minutes minutes into nought My painfull pompe decai'd like fading flowers And vnto nought was my Ambition brought Thus is the state of transitory things Ther 's nothing can be permanent with Kings Anno 1135. December 26. Munday On Saint Stephens
as shee hath planted To close vp all the summe of all is this I 'l end my booke as Ouid ended his So long as on the Poles the spangled firmament shall whirle So long as Procreation shall beget a Boy or Girle So long as winter shall be cold or summer shall be hot So long as pouerty and spight shall be true vertues lot When Phoebus in the West shall rise and in the East shall set When children on their mothers their owne fathers shall beget Then shall this booke or Bawd lye dead and neuer till that day Shall Booke or Bawd or Bawd or Booke be scarce if men will pay Till Sun and Moone shall cease to shine and all the world lye wast So long this Booke or else a Bawd I 'm sure so long shall last FINIS A Common Whore with all these graces grac'd Shee 's very honest beautifull and chaste With a comparison betweene a Whore and a Booke DEDICATED To no matter who Lord Master Goodman Gaffer or Knaue Lady Mistresse Good-Readers wife Gammer or Whore I Would not haue you to take me for a Bawd or a Pander for that I send a Whore amongst you for though it be my pleasure to call her so yet you in perusing of beyond conuersing with her shall finde her honester then some of your Wiues or Mothers Indeed she hath no great Kindred to boast of for my poore braine like loue was father and mother that begat and bare her like a new Pallas and my peâ— the Midwife that first wrap'd her in ragged verses in stead of clouts where the Printer hath â—â—'d her as he would be loth to be vs'd himselfe for hee hath published and proclaimed all â—er faults to the view of the world and yet I know the poore Whores paines is not past for now shee is to be examined a thousand wayes and tortured vpon the Racke of Censure â—and amongst all that shall view and handle her the hot Whoremaster will deale most discourteously with her for when hee perceiues her honestie too hard for his knauery hee will in â—ger with three tushes foure pishes fiue mewes sixe wry mouthes and seuen scurâ—â— faces teare her and pull her worse then the rusticall Rabblement did vse to vse common Whores on former Shroue-Tuesdayes But all 's one let him due his worst shee is confidently arm'd with Innocency and the threats or danger of the bad cannot affright â—â—er but that shee will attempt to recreate the good In a word all that is amisse in â—â—ir I pray you impute it to my bad Tutorship and her owne frailtie all that I hope of â—â—er is that shee is a merrie Whore full of good words A kinde Whore to be bad for â—â—oney or loue any where a true Whore and a constant for shee will neuer for sake any man â—that will keepe her and by reason shee is an honest Whore shee is a poore Whore and hath either money nor Sprats so take my VVhore amongst you as she is Now after this I 'l bee exceeding briefe To send another Pamphlet call'd a Thiefe The Hue and Cry is out and I protest Though hee scape hanging yet hee shall be prest IOHN TAYLOR A WHORE MY Booke an honest Whore I fitly call Because it treats of whores in generall Then though this Pamphlet I doe name a Whore Let no man shun her company therefore For if ten thousand with her lodge and lye No reputation they shall lose thereby No cost * A cheape Whore for dyet she at all requires No charge for change of changeable attires No Coaches or Carroaches she doth craue No base attendance of a Pand'ring Knaue Perfumes and Paintings she abhorres and hates Nor doth she borrow haire from other pates And this much more I le boldly say for her Whoso redeemes her from the Stationer With whom she as a Slaue is kept in hold And at his pleasure daily bought and sold I say that man that doth her ransome pay She will requite his kindnesse euery way Her Inside with such Treasury is stor'd As man become the Pocket of a Lord All from the Cottage to the Castle high From Palatines vnto the Peasantry If they 'l permit their wisedomes rule their will May keepe this whore and yet be honest still Yet is she * A strange Whore common and yet honest Common vnto all that craue her For sixe pence honest man or knaue may haue her To be both turn'd and tost she free affords And like a prating whore she 's full of words But all her talke is to no other end Then to teach Whoremasters and Whores to mend She in plaine termes vnto the world doth tell Whores are the Hackneys which men ride to Hell And by comparisons she truely makes A whore worse then a common Shore or Iakes A Succubus a damned sinke of sinne A mire where worse then Swine doe wallow in And with a whore although thus plaine she be She shewes a Whoremonger as bad as she And though I barren am of Eloquence Nor neuer vnderstood my Accidence Yet though I haue no learning to my share A whore to broken Latine â—â—e compare First if her minde on whoring she doth fix Shee 's all compact of mirth all Meretrix And with small teaching she will soone decline Mulier into the Gender Masculine By her Attire of which sex she should be She seemes the doubtfull Gender vnto me To either side her habit seemes to leaue And may be taken for the Epicâ—â—â— Vnto the Newâ—â—r I compare her can For she 's for thee or me or any man In her Declensions she so farre doth goe As to the common of two or three or moe And come to horum harum Whorâ—â—s thenâ— She proues a great proficient amongst men Then after she had learn'd these â—â—ssons right She forward goes vnto hoc leue light She paints our pulcher ayded by her glasse She 's neither bonus or yet bonit â—â— Home for all men is a common name And she for all men is a common shame Not lapis singularly her can please She loues the plurall number lapides To construe plainly she is seldome curious The two hard words of durus and of durius Though she 's not past the Whip she 's past the Rods And knowes to ioyne her qui's her qua's and quod's The Actiue from the Passiue shee 'l deriue Her Mood commands like the Imparatiue She knowes nâ— Concords yet to all men thus She faine would be Iucundus omnibus Claâ—â— is the Cloake that couers her offence Her goodnesse all is in the Future tense She 's facile fieri quickly wonne Or Const'ring truly Easie to be done Parui ducitur probitas sets forth Her honesty is reckoned little worth And he shall finde that takes her for his choyce An Imeriection or Imperfect voyce Among the rules of Gender she by heart Can without missing daily say her part The first among them all she liketh best Propria quae Maribus and there she
againe their coyne And some doe shift and some againe purloine One valiantly stept out vpon the Stage And would teare downe the hangings in his rage God grant hee may haue hanging at his end That with me for the hangings did contend Such clapping hissing swearing stamping smiling Applauding scorning liking and reuiling Did more torment mee then a Purgatorie Yet I in scorne of windie pomp stage glory Did stand it out vnconquer'd vnsubdude Despight the Hydra-headed multitude Now goodman Dog a halter catch your muzzell Your not appearance brought me in this puzzell But I to giue the Audience some content Began to act what I before had ment And first I plaid a maundering Roguish creature A part thou couldst have acted well by nature Which act did passe and please and fild their iawes With wrinkled laughter and with good applause Then came the players and they play'd an act Which greatly from my action did detract For 't is not possible for any one To play against a company alone And such a company I 'll boldly say That better nor the like e'r play'd a Play In briefe the Play my action did cclips And in a manner seal'd vp both my lips Suppose it were a black Cimmerian night And that some 12 or 16 Torches light Should make night seeme an artificiall day And then suppose these Torches past away Whilst dismall darknesse straight resumes the place Then after all comes in with glimm'ring pace A silly Taper How would that alone Shew when the flaming Torches all were gone Eu'n so seem'd I amidst the guarded troope Of gold-lac'd Actors yet all could not droope My fixed mind for where true courage roots The Prouerb sayes Once ouer shooes o'r boots 'T were easier to subdude wilde Beares or Bores Or row to High-gate with a paire of Oares Or to make thee an vpright honest man Which sure God will not nor the Diuell can 'T were lesser labour to blow downe Pauls-steeple Then to appease or please the raging people The Play made me as sweet in their opinions As Tripes well fry'd in Tarr or Egges with Onions I like a Beare vnto the stake was tide And what they said or did I must abide A pox vpon him for a Roâ—ue sayes one And with that word he throwes at me a stone A second my estate doth seeme to pitty And saies my action's good my speeches witty A third doth screw his chaps awry and mew His selfe conceited wisdome so to shew Thus doth the Third the Fourth the Fift and Six Most Galliemaufrey-like their humors mix Such Motley Medley Linsey-Woolsey speeches Would sure haue made thee vilifie thy breeches What I endur'd vpon that earthly hell My tongue or pen cannot describe it well And rather then â—â—â— doe the like once more I would be married to an arrant Whore And that 's a plague I could wish well to thee For it would worser then a hanging bee And let me say my best in my excuse The Audience all were wrong'd with great abuse Great cause they had to take it in offence To come from their affaires with such expence By Land and Water and then it the play So extraordinarily to pay And when the thing should bee that they expected Then nothing to their likings was effected Their mirth to madnes liking turn'd to lothing For when all came to all all came to nothing Thus hast thou had a little slender taste Of my designes and how I was disgrac'd For which I am beholding to you Sir For had you come there had beene no such stir Not 'cause the people long'd thy selfe to see But that they look'd thou shouldst disgraced bee To see vs two the people did repaire And not to see or heare or play or Player Why what a faithlesse Rascall art thou then Dar'st thou to looke vpon me once agen Which if thou dost were 't not for feare of Lawes I 'de stab my Dagger thorow both thy iawes But much I scorne my fingers should be foule With beating such a durty dunghill-Owle But I 'll rib-roast thee and burn-bast thee still With my enraged Muse and angry Quill And so I leaue thy carkas and apparell Vnto the Hangman who shall end our quarrell My full opinion of thee sure is this In no Church-booke thy name recorded is But that thou wast begotten in some ditch Betwixt a Tinker and a Maundring Witch And sure thy birth did equall thy begetting I thinke thy Mother in the Sun-shine fitting Basking her selfe close to some hedge of Thorne And so without a Midwife thou wast borne And there the Sunne with his illustrous light Screwd quite awry the Windowes of thy sight Then afterwards the Matronâ— thought it meet To wrap thee vp within some hedge-stolne sheet And making thee her sweet vnchristian packe Some six or seu'n yeere bare thee on her backe Instructing thee in the braue Canting tong And how in Pedler's French to sing a song And Rime for Butter-milke for Curds and Whay And in a Barne at night thy bones to lay This I doe thinke of thee I 'll not say so Thou know'st it best if it be so or no. This by thine owne report some few yeeres since Thou Rim'st at Grauesend for some fourteene pence I' the street from seuenteene people vnrespected This Graund Collection iustly was collected As I doe hope for blisse I hate thee not For any goods or credit thou hast got In court or Citty But thy praise I 'll sing If any way thou didst delight the King So many tedious cares are daily throwne Vpon the Royall-head that weares a Crowne That into action I would melt my spright Thereby to giue my Sou'raigne some delight For such things I doe loue and wish thee well But that I thinke no such in thee doe dwell Therefore I hate thee as thou dost behaue Thy selfe like to a cooz'ning paltry Knaue What heere I write vpon thee I 'll make good And in the hazzard I 'll engage my bloud But as I said before againe I 'll say I scorne on such a Rascall hands to lay For the old prouerb is Authenticall Who touches pitch shall be defilde withall Thou hast a pate can forge a Mint of lies Else how is' t possible thou couldst deuise At once to flap me and the world i' th mouth That thou wast rid East West and North South That day thou shouldst haue met me on the Stage Thou wentst three waies at once on pilgrimage Thou sent'st me word tho' wast sent for to the Court Thy wife said thou with speed must make resort To fetch her portion out of Warwick-shire And the day after 't was my chance to heare How thou for begging of a Fellons pardon Wast rid downe into Kent to fetch thy guerdon So that the portion that thou wentst to fet Thou from the Gallowes thy best friend didst get But though thou rob the Gallowes of his fee It will at last for principall catch thee Where for thou guld'st me at the Hope I
And sharke and steale as much as it can hold 'T is soft and gentle yet this I admire at At sweet meates 't is a tyrant and a pyrat Moreouer 't is a Handkerchiefes high place To be a Scauenger vnto the face To clense it cleane from sweat and excrements Which not auoyded were vnsauory scents And in our griefes it is a trusty friend For in our sorrow it doth comfort lend It doth partake our sighes our plaints and feares Receiues our sobs and wipes away our teares Thus of our good and bad it beares a share A friend in mirth a comforter in care Yet I haue often knowne vnto my cost A Handkerchiefe is quickly found and lost Like loue where true affection hath no ground So is it slightly lost and lightly found But be it ten times lost this right I 'l doe it The fault is his or hers that should looke to it Should I of euery sort of Linnen write That serues vs at our need both day and night Dayes months and yeeres I in this Theame might spend And in my life time scarcely make an end Let it suffice that when 't is fretted out And that a cloth is worne into a clout Which though it be but thin and poore in shape A Surgeon into lint the same will scrape Or rolles or bolsters or with plaster spread To dresse and cure all hurts from heele to head For gangrens vlcers or for wounds new hack'd For cuts and flashes and for Coxcombs crack'd Thus many a Gallant that dares stab and swagges And 'gainst a Iustice lift his fist or dagger And being mad perhaps and hot pot-shot A crazed Crowne or broken-pate hoth got Then ouer him old Linnen dominceres And spight of steeth it clouts him 'bout the cares Thus new or old it hath these good effects To cure our hurts or couer our defects And when it self 's past helpe with age and rending Quite past selfe mending 't is our means of meÌ„ding The flint and steele will strike bright sparkling fite But how can wee haue fire at our desire Except old Linnen be to tinder burn'd Which by the steele and flint to fire is turn'd â—â—â— all cleane Linnen that a Laundresse washes â—â—â— Muse hath worne to clowts or turn'd to ashes â—nd ther 's the end on 't Now I must pursue The old consumed how to purchase new â—ow of the louely Laundresse whose cleane trade â—â—th ' onely cause that Linnen 's cleanely made â—â—ing is on two extremes relying â—â—â— euer wetting or shee 's euer drying â—â—â— all men dye to liue and liue to dye â—â—â— doth shee dry to wash and wash to drye â—â—â— runnes like Luna in her circled spheare â—â—â— perpetuall motion shee doth steare â—â—â— course in compasse round and endlesse still Such like a horse that labours in a mill â—o shew more plaine how shee her worke doth frame â—â—â— Lianen's foule e'r shee doth wash the same â—â—â— washing further in her course she marches â—â—â— wrings she folds she pleits she smoothes she starches â—â—â— stiffens poakes and sets and dryes againe â—nd foldes thus end of paine begins her paine â—â—d like a whirligigge or lenten Top â—â—a most plenteous spring that still doth drop â—â—â— Soddes vnto the Sea I may compare The Reake or smocke the wind the fishes Linnen are â—he Laundresse fishes foaming froth doth lighten â—he whilest her tongue doth thunder affrighten The totall is a tempest full of chiding That no man in the house hath quiet by ding â—â—â— Lâ—ndresses are resty and full of wroth â—hen they are lathering in their bumble broth â—â—â— can I blame them though they brawle talke â—en there haue nought to doe they may goe walke â—â—â— commonly their worke this profit brings The good-wife washeth and her husband wrings â—â—â— though my verse thus merrily doth stray â—â—â— give the Laundresse still her due I pray What were the painefull Spinner or the Weauer â—â—â— for her labour and her good endeauour What were the function of the Linnen Draperye â—â—â— Sempsters admirable skill in Naperye They all might turne and wind and liue by losse â—â—â— that the Laundresse giues their worke a glosse â—â—â— that wee vse to weare 't is plaine The Laundresse labour giues it grace and gaine Without her 't is most loathsome in distaste â—nd onely by her paines and toyle 't is grac'd â—â—â— is the ornamentall Instrument That makes it tastefull to the sight and scent â—â—â— you man-monsters monstrous Linnen soylers â—â—â— Shirt polluting tyrants you sheets spoylers â—â—tious rude Ruffe-rending raggamentoyes â—â—â— tragma Troynouantoyes Remember that your Lanndresse paines is great Whose labours onely keepe you sweet and neat Consider this that here is writ or said And pay her not as was the Sculler paid Call not your Laundresse flut or slabb'ring queane It is her slabb'ring that doth keepe thee cleane Nor call her not Drye-washer in disgrace For feare shee cast the suddes into thy face By her thy Linnen 's sweet and cleanely drest Else thou wouldst stinke aboue ground like a beast There is a bird which men Kings fisher call Which in foule weather hath no ioy at all Or scarce abroad into the ayre doth peepe But in her melancholy nest doth keepe Till Tyians glory from the burnish'd East Rich Bridegroome-like in gold and purple drest Guilds and enamels mountaines woods and hils And the rotundious Globe with splendor fils In these braue Buksome merry Halcion dayes Then this most bewtcouâ— bird her plumes displaies So doth a Laundresse when the Sun doth hide His head when skyes weepe raine and thunder chide When powting lowring slauering sleete snow From foggy Austers blustring iawes doth blow Then shee in moody melancholy sittes And sighing vents her griefe by girds and sittes Her liquid Linnen piteous pickl'd lyes For which shee lowres and powts as doth the skies But when bright Phoebus makes Aurora blush And roabes the welkin with a purple flush WheÌ„ mourning cloudes haue wasted all their teares And welcome weather faire and dry appeares Then to the hedge amaine the Laundresse ambles In weeds of pennance clothing bryers and brambles Like a Commaundresse vsing martiall Lawes She strikes she poakes and thrusts she hangs and drawes She stiffens stifly she both opes and shuts She sets and out she pulles and in she puts Not caring much if wind blow low or hye Whilst drunkards thirst for drink she thirsts to dry Thus hauing shew'd the Laundresse praise and paine How end of worke begins her worke againe I hope amongst them they will all conclude Not to requite me with ingratitude But as an Act they 'l friendly haue decreed I ne'r shall want Cleane Linnen at my need Whil'st to their owne contentments I coÌ„mend them And wish faire drying weather may attend them If thankefully you take this worke of mine Hereafter I will cause the muses nine To helpe me adde to what seemes here diminish'd So Vale Totâ— here my Booke is FINISH'D The principall occasions why this merry Poeme was written
combe with honey He hath the wit his master hath the money Such Iusticer as this if men doe marke It altogether guided by his Clarke He 's the vice Iustice he workes all by 's wits The whil'st his master pickes his teeth or spits Walks hums and nods cals knaue at euery turne As if he in a dawes nest had beene borne No other language from his worship â—ees But prisons Warrants Mittimus and â—ees Commit before he search out the oftenâ—s And heare the matter after two dayes hence Talkes of Recognizances and hath scope To binde and loose as if he were the Pope Be the ease ne're so good yet build vpon 't Fees must be payd for that 's the humor on'r And thus with onely cursed wealth and beard He makes a world of witlesse fooles afeard And when he giues them but a smile or nod They thinke this doughty else a demy-god When fortune fals he knowes to vse the same His Clarke and he as quiet as a Lambe Make not two words but share go through stich Here 's mine there 's thine for they know which is which There hath beene are and will be still agen In all professions some corrupted men Before this branch of false Gebezaes Tribe 'T is sacriledge to call a bribe a bribe Giue him a Bucke a Pig a Goose or Phesant For manners sake it must be call'd a present And when hee 's blind in Iustice 't is a doubt But Turkies tallons scratcht his eyes halfe out Or Capons clawes but 't is a heauy case That fowles should flye so in a Iustice face Sometimes his eyes are goard with an Oxehorne Or suddaine dasht out with a sacke of corne Or the whiske burshing of a Coachmares taile To fit the Coach but all these thoughts may faile Some thinke they are but clouded and will shine Eclips'd a little with a Teirce of Wine Or onely falne into some hood wink'd nap As some men may vpon the Bench by hap But Iustice seemes dease when some tales are told Perhaps his Charity hath tane some cold And that may be the cause or rattling Coaching Or neighing of horses to her gate approaching From thence into the stable as her owne The certaine truth thereof is not yet knowne But sure she is so dease that she can heare Nothing but what her Clarke blowes in her care Which Clark good men must oroach to stand bare Or else small Iustice 'mongst them they shall share His Master like a weather-cocke inclinde As he doth please he makes him turne and winde This Iustice of all sences is bereft Except his feeling onely feelings left With which he swallowes with infariate power More bribes then doth my Cormorant fish deuoure A Cutpurse THE ARGVMENT This is a mad knaue liues by trickes and sleights He diues by Laâ—d and dies within the ayre He serues noman yet courteously he waites On whom he lift in Church towne throng or faire He will not worke yet is well cleath'd and fed And for his farewell seldoms dies in 's bed THis Spirit or this Ferrit next that enters Although he be no Merchant much he ventures And though he be a noted coward yet Most valiantly he doth his liuing get He hath no weapon but a curtoll knife Wherewith for what he hath he hazards life East Indian Merchants crosse the raging floods And in their ventering venter but their goods When as themselues at hope securely sleepe And neuer plow the dangerous Ocean deepe If they doe lose by pirates tempests tocks 'T is but a Fleabite to their wealthy stockes Whilst the poore Cutpurse days and night doth â—oile Watches and wardes and doth himselfe turmoileâ— Oft cuts a purse before the Sessions barre Whilst others for their liues a pleading are To Sturbridge Faire or vnto Bristoll ambles In ieopardie he for his liuing rambles And what he gets he doth not beg or borrow Ventures his necke and there 's an end hang sorrow Whilst midst his perils he doth drinke and sing And hath more purse-bearers then any King Liues like a Gentleman by sleight of hand Can play the Foist the Nip the Stale the Stand The Snap the Curb the Crosbue Warpe and Lifâ— Decor prig Cheat all for a hanging shift Still valiant where he comes and free from care And dares the stockes the whip the Iaile out-dare Speakâ—the braue â—â—â— with his del Or paâ— or â—â—â—â—â—â—â—â—â—â—â—â—â—â—â—â—â— And liues as merry as the day is long In scorne of Tyburne or the ropes dingdong But now a iest or two to minde I call Which to this function lately did befall A Cutpurse standing in a market-towne As for his prey his eyes seowld vp and downe At last he should â—r â— neare a Country Lasse And out her purse as by her he did passe Shee spide and caught him and began to raue Call'd him rogue rascall villkeyne thiefe and slaue Gep with a pox the Cutpurse then replide Are you so fine you can no iâ—sting bide I 'ue iested more with forty honest men So with a moraine take your purse agen Another sattin Cutpurse dawbd with lace A Country Gentlemen for 's purse did chase On whom a blew-coat Seruing man did wait And passing through a narrow obscure strait The thieuing knaue the purse he nimbly nims And like aland-sharke thence by Land he swims The Seruing man perceiu'd the Cutpurse tricke Said nought but dogges him through thin and thick Vntill the thiese suppos'd the coast was cleare As he was pissing Blew coat out offs care The Cutpurse madly gins to sweare and curse The other said giue me my masters purse Which you stole lately from his pocket then There 's no wrong done but here 's your eareâ—gen Thus though a Cutpurse trade be counted ill â—â—he is a mâ—n of action still Waiâ—es on Ambassadors that comes and goes Attends at Tiltings and tryumphant showes As Westminster he still attendance giues Oâ— my Lord Maior his brethren and thâ— Shrieues Although vnbidden yet hee 'l be a guest And haue his hand in sometimes with the best And whilst he liues note how he takes degree Newgate's his hall at Tyburne he 's made tree Where commonly it so falls out with him He dyes in perfect health found winde and limbe Hema Coaches elder brother rides And when his soule and cordes from each diuides He soules no sheets nor any Physicke takes â—â— like a Bird in th' ayre an end he makes And such an end I wish they all may haue And all that loue a shifting Cut purse knaue For they are Cormorants wherefoere they haunt Vntill the Gallowes proues their Cormorant A Good and a bad Constable THE ARGVMENT This man is to the Magistrate an eye Reuealing things which Iustice could not finde Blacke deeds of darkenesse he deth oft desery And is if he be honestly inclinde Sofâ—t the Common wealth in peace to keepe By watching carefully whil'st thousands sleepe VVHeÌ„ Titan steeps his bright respleÌ„dant beams And hides his burning Car i' th Westerne
1616. the winde being North and by East when with a prosperous gale by the 8. day in the Morning we had sight of the Island of Sardaine the wind being then come Westerly the 9. in the in the morning we stood in for Callery and at noone the wind being Southerly we came close by the Towers where some two leagues off wee made the Fight which day at night the wind growing calme wee sailed towards the Cape the 10. day wee had very little wind or none at all till it was two of the clocke in the afternoone which draue vs some three leagues Eastward from the Cape Pola where we â—â—pied a Fleet of Ships vpon the maine of Sardaine neere vnto a Road called Callarie belonging to the King of Spaine being the 12. day of Ianuarie on which day in the Mornings watch about 4 of the clocke wee had sight of a Sayle making from the shore towards vs which draue into our minds some doubt and feare and comming neere vnto vs wee espicd it to bee a Sattie which is a Ship much like vnto an Argosey of a very great burthen and bignesse which perceiuing we imagined some more Ships not to bee farre off whereupon our Master sent one of our companie vp into the maine tip where he discouered fiue sayle of Ships one after another comming vp before the wind being then at West Southwest who in a prospectiue glaffe perceiued them to be the Turkes men of Warre The first of them booning by himselfe before the wind with his Flag in the maine-top and all his sayles gallantly spread abroad after him came the Admirall and the Vice-Admirall and after them two more the Reare-Admirall and his fellow being fiue in number all well prepared for any desperate assault wherevpon we immediately made ready our Ordinance and small shot and with no little resolution prepared our selues to withstand them which being done we went to prayer and so to dinner where our Master gaue vs such noble incouragement that our hearts euer thirsted to proue the successe and being in readinesse for the fight our Master went vpon the Poope and waued his Sword three times shaking it with such dauntlesse courage as if he had already wonne the victorie this being done wee seconded him with like forwardnesse whereupon hee caused his Trumpets to sound which gaue vnto vs much more encouragement then before and being within shot of them our Master commanded his Gunner to make his leuell and to shoot which he did but missed them all at which the formost of them bore vp apace for he had the wind of vs returned vs as good as wee sent so betwixt vs for a great space was a most fierce encounter and hauing aduantage of vs by reason of the wind about 11. or 12. of the clocke they layd vs aboard with one of theyr Ships which was of 300. Tunne or thereabouts and had in her 35. Pieces of Ordnance and about 250. Men the Captaine thereof was one Walsingham which seemed by his name to bee an English man and Admirall of the Fleet for so if signified by the Flag in his maine top hauing as I said boarded our Ship hee entred on the Larbord quatter where his men some with Sabels which we call Fauchins some with Hatâ—â—hets and some with halfe Pikes where they stayed some halfe an houre or thereabout tearing vp our naile-bords vpon the Poope and the trap-hatch but we hauing a Murtherer in the round house kept the Larbord side cleeâ—e whilst our men with the other Ordnance and Musquets playd vpon their Ships yet for all this they plyed our Gallery with small shot in such sort that wee stood in great danger to yeeld but at the last we shot them quite thorow and thorow and they vs likewise but they being affraid they should haue beene sunke by vs bore a head off our Ship and as hee passed along wee gaue them a broad side that they were forced to lay by the ley and to mend his leakes This Fight continued two houres by our Glasse and better and so neere the shore that the dwellers thereupon saw all the beginning and ending and what danger we stood in for vpon the shore stood a little house wherein was likewise turned a glasse all the time curing the Fight which measured the houres as they passed and this was Walsinghams part Now for Captaine Kelleyes Ship that came likewise vp with his Flag in the maine top and another ship with his Flag in the Foretop which Ships were at least 300. Tunne a peece and had in each of them 25. Pieces of Ordnance and about 250. Men so they laid vs abord on the Starbord quarter and the other on the Larbord where entring our Ship thicke and threefold with their Semiters hatchets halfe pikes and other weapons put vs in great danger both of the losse of our Ship and our liues for they performed much manhood and many dangerous hazards amongst which there was one of the company that desperatly went vp into our maiâ— top to fetch downe our Flag which being spyâ— by the Steward of our ship presently shot hiâ— with his Musquet that hee fell headlong into the Sea leauing the Flag behind him so these â—â—â— Ships fought with vs with great resolution playing vpon vs with their Ordnance and small shoâ— for the space of an houre and a halfe of whoâ—â—â— we receiued some hurt and likewise they of vâ—â— but when they saw they could not preuaile noâ—â—â— any way make vs to yeeld they bore vp and paâ—sed from vs to lay their ships by the Lee to stoâ— their leakes for we had grieuously some and baâ— tered them with our great Ordnance and thâ—â—â— was the second attempt they made vpon vs. Now for the third there came two more oâ— Captaine Kelleyes ships of 250. Tunne a peeceâ—â—â— that in each of them had 22. Pieces of Ordnance and at the least 200. Men all well prouided aâ— might bee which was as we thought too greatâ—â—â— number for vs being so few in our ship but God that was our friend gaue vs such strength and successe that they little preuailed against vs foâ— at their first comming vp notwithstanding all their multitude of men we shot the one of them quite thorow and thorow and layd him likewise by the Lee as we had done the others before but the other ship remaining layd vs aboard on the Starbord side and in that quarter they entred our ship with their Semiters Fauchions halfe Pikes and other weapons running too and froeâ— vpon the deck crying still in the Turkish tongue Yeeld your selues yeeld your selues promising weeâ—â— should be well vsed and haue part of our goods deliuered backe with such like faire promises but wee giuing no care vnto them stood suflie in our defence chusing rather to die then to yeeld as it is still the nature and condition of all Englishmen and being thus resolued some of our men plyed our Ordnance against them
each from other that he might haue more roome to go betweene them the Vice Admirall of the Enemy seeing the Iames beare vp so lasking she likewise bore vp with her when suddenly Captaine VVeddell perceiued there was hope to weather him caused his Mizzen and Mizzen top sayle to be set and so presently got the wind of him edging close vp with the Admirall beeing within Musket-shot of them both the Portugall Admirall put to stay by which meanes the Iames got the Wind of him also hauing much adoe to get out a wâ—eather off him comming so close vnder his sterne that his boats were close at â—ur ships side as she sheared by when presently â—â—â— gaue him a whole broad side cuery shot â—king him fore and after tacking forthwith and standing after him Thus the first dayes â—ight lasted till fiue at Night wherein the Royall Iames lost eight men and some others which â—ad some small hurts Also this day the Dutch lost their chiefe Commander a brane and valiant fellow who liued and dyed nobly in the Bed of honour This Fight was terrible and fierce for the time for the Royall Iames alone spent neere seuen hundred great shot and all the other ships English and Dutch did proportionably doe the like The Sunne beeing for the Enemie sell off and came to an Anchor at the East end of Kishme the English being North-north-west from them two Leagues thus was concluded the first dayes fight Munday the second of Februarie beeing Candlemas day the Wind beeing very little which below off from Kishme so that the Enemy had the aduantage of it but neuer offered to make vse of it to make roome towards vs the English and Dutch being imployd busilyâ— to fit vp their torne rigging and tackling and stopping such dangerous shot as they had receiued in the Fight betwixt wind and water Also the same day in the afternoone there was a meeting aboord the Royall Iames where both the English and Dutch concluded that they would giue the Enemy fight the next morning and that the Royall Iames should be the leading ship and the Admiral of the Dutch should second her and that they should goe directly to the Enemies Admiral not striking higher or lower till the Iames came side by side with her So the 3. of F. being Tuesday both the flects weighed Anchors at breake of day hauing the weather gage of the enemy the great Iames stood right with the Admiral of the Portugals w ch was headmost but one but comming neere them they weaued to Leeward with their bright arming Swords and we the like to them they saluted vs with a whole broad side but Captaine Weddell coÌ„manded his men not to answer them til they were brought neerer within danger w ch charge was obeyed but being come neere the Admiral and another of their ships the great Iames bestowed vpon each of them a whole broad side making them both to beare vp the one a port the other a starbord by w ch meanes one of their ships was cut off and sundred from theÌ„ and was chased 3. or 4. houres by the Eagle and Weasope the hope of the English and Dutch being that she should no more returne to her fleets company the Iames following still the Admirall and Vice Admiralâ— got vpon the Admirals side hauing the Vice-Admirall on his starbord bow insomuch that this dayes sight grew very hot for often the Iames was in thickest of the enemy being at one time all round about vs but our men so plyed their Ordnance vpon them that they all refused to stand by vs but fled all before vs as chaffe dust or smoake before the winde In this sight the Iames got betweene one of their fleet and singled her our lying by her sâ—les with â—oresaile and sore-topsaile a backe stayes so neere as a man might quoit a Bisket Cake into her when straight Master Iohnson came vp in the sterne of the Iames so neere as he could hardly keepe cleare to whom Captaine Weddell called willing him to clap the Portugall aboord on the Larboord quarter whilst the Iames lay thundring vpon him with her great Ordnance hee promised to do it but after he refused it this Vessell had not so sew as 500. shot thorow her Hull Masts Sailes and Yards before the got cleare Note that in the morning Cap. Weddell had fitted a Portugall Vessell which had beene formerly taken with some Cockernuts and purposed to haue fired her thwart the Admirals lâ—awse she being appointed to come between the Dutch Admiral and the Ionas but through disaster or rather negligence in Darby the Master who came not vp according to his appointed place she was chased by the Frigots she hauing but ten men in her being of no defence they were forced to set her on fire farre from the fleet and so the men betooke themselues to a Barge which was left them for their safety by which meanes the Generals proiect was disappointed All this third day at night this Vessel burnt and two houres before day-light whether shee was towed by some of the Enemies boates or no is vnknowne but shee came burning amongst the English and Dutch Fleetes and forced them from their Anchors by slipping their Cables which Anchors they tooke vp some three dayes after The 4. of February in the morning both Fleetes made towards the Enemies who were vnder saile and made all the hast they could to get vnder the Iland of Lowracke which lyeth some eight or nine miles from Ormus vnto which Iland their Frigots went ahead conducting them in ouer a Barre whom the English and Dutch followed as farre as with safety they durst hauing neither the helpe of Pilots to shun the dangers of the place or Frigots to goe a head as conductors as the Enemy had Besides there might haue beene Ordnanceâ— planted a shore by the Enemy which would haue beene greatly to their aduantage or otherwise in the darke night they might haue chained two or three Frigots together and turning them vpon them vpon the Ebbe thwart their hawse might much haue indangered them they knowing the Enemie to be implacable malicious and politique these reasons caused them to follow them no further at this time but to come to an Anchor a League from them when Captaine Weddell sent for the chiefe of the Dutch whose resolution was to go backe againe for Gombroone there to dispatch our Merchants affaires So Anchors were weighed the Iames giuing them a shot for a farewell and they answered her with the like they all getting into Gombroone Road that night where they speedily fell to worke to repaire the ruines of warres in fitting of Masts Yards Sailes rigging and stopping breaches all which in 3 dayes was accomplished leauing the Portugall like a Theefe in his Mill or a Fox in his hole not minding to triee as yet the hazard of another bout In this fight their Reare Admirals maine Mast was shot by the boord their Vice-Admirals maine top-mast was