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A66812 Witty apophthegms delivered at several times, and upon several occasions by King James, King Charls, the Marquess of Worcester, Francis Lord Bacon, and Sir Thomas Moor ; collected and revised. Bayly, Thomas, d. 1657?; James I, King of England, 1566-1625. Selections. 1669.; Charles I, King of England, 1600-1649. Selections. 1669.; Worcester, Henry Somerset, Marquis of, 1577-1646. Selections. 1669.; Bacon, Francis, 1561-1626. Selections. 1669.; More, Thomas, Sir, Saint, 1478-1535. Selections. 1669. 1669 (1669) Wing W3237; ESTC R12699 69,627 178

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latter end of their daies he saith thus A leud fellow that had spent all his life in wickedness was wont to brag that he could be saved if he spoke but three words at the hour of his death riding over a bridge that was broken his horse stumbling not being able to save himself from falling into the water when he saw himself past recovery casting away the bridle he said The Devil take all and so with his three words he perished in the River 8. Even as he that passeth over a narrow Bridge by reason of his fear often falleth especially if others say to him you fall which otherwise he would safely pass over even so he that is fearful by nature and full of pusillanimity often falleth into desperation the Devil crying unto hi●… thou art damned which he would never hearken to nor be in any danger of if he should take unto him a good heart and by wholsom councel nothing fear the Devils out-cry 9. The prosperity of this world is like the shortest winters day and we are listed up in it as an Arrow shot upon high where a short breath do●…h delight us but from thence we fall suddenly to the earth and there we stick fast either bemired with the dirt of insamy or starving with cold being pluck'd on t of our feathers 10. It is a hard thing to touch pitch and not be desiled therewith a dry stick to be put into the fire and not to be burnt to nourish a Snake in our bosom and not to be stung with it So a m●…st hard thing it is to be rich and honoured in this world and not be struck with the dart of Pride and vai●…-glory 11. Let there be two beggars who a long time begged together one of whom some rich man hath entertained in his house put him in Silk give him mony in his purse but with this cond●…tion as he tells him within a short space he will thrust him out of his doors and take all that away from him again if he in the mean while being thus gallant should chance to meet with his fellow beggar would he be so foolish as for all this not to acknowledge him for his companion or would he for those few daies happiness hold himself better than he applying this to every mans case Who cometh naked into this world and is to return naked again 12. If he be called stout that hath sortitude he hot who hath heat wise that hath wisdom yet he who hath riches cannot be said presently to be good therefore riches cannot be numbred among good things Twenty yea a hundred bare heads standing by a Noble man doth not defend his head from cold so much as his own hat doth alone which yet he is inforced to put off in the presence of his Prince 13. He that knoweth certainly he is to be banished into a strange Country never to return again 〈◊〉 his own and will not endure that his goods be transported thither being loath to want them for that little while rather than ever to enjoy them after may well be thought a mad man so are they out of their wits who intic'd with a vain affections to keep their goods alwaies about them and neglective to give alms for fear of wanting cannot endure to have their goods sent before them to heaven when as they know most assuredly that they shall enjoy them alwaies there with all plenty and with a double reward 14. To ease his thoughts when he was in Prison He imagined that all the world was but a Prison out of which every day some one or other was called to execution 15. When he heard any at his Table speaking detraction he would interrupt them thus Let any man think as he pleaseth I like this room very well for it is very well contrived and fairly built 16. Of an ungrateful person he would say That they wrote good turns d●…ne unto them in the dust but even the least injuries in marble 17. He compareth reason to an handmaid which if she be well taught will obey and faith to the Mistress which is to keep her in awe 18. He said That he was a mad man that would drink poyson to take a preservative after it but he is a wiseman that spilling the poyson leaveth the Antidote for him that hath need thereof 19. When Sir Thomas Moore lived in the City of London being one of the Justices of Peace he used to go to the Sessions at New gate where it fell out that one of the ancientest Justices of the Bench was wont to chide the poor men whose purses had been cut for not being more careful telling them their negligence was the cause that so many cut-purses were brought thither which when Sir Thomas Moore observed him so often to repeat at one time especially the night after he sent for one of the chief cut-purses that was in prison and promised to save him harmless and stand his friend too if he would cut the aforesaid Justices Purse the next day as he sate on the Bench and then presently make a sign of it to him the fellow very gladly promiseth him to do it the next day therefore when they sate again that Thief was called among the first who being accused of his fact said he did not doubt but that he could sufficiently excuse himself if he were permitted to speak to some of the Bench in private he was therefore bid to chuse one who he would and presently he chose that grave old man who then had his pouch at his girdle as they wore them in those dayes and whilst he whispered him in the ear he cunningly cut his purse and then solemnly taking his leave returns to his place Sir Thomas knowing by a private sign that the business was dispatcht presently took occasion to move the Bench to distribute some alms to a poor needy fellow that was there and for good example began himself to do it when the old man came to open his purse and sees it cut away and much wondering said he was confident he brought it with him when he came thither that morning Sir Thomas replied presently What will you charge any of us with felony but his choler rising and he being ashamed of the thing Sir Thomas calls the Cut-purse and bids him give him his purse again and withal advised the good old Justice hereafter Not to be so bitter a censurer of innocent mens negligence when as himself could not secure his purse in that open assembly 20. When he was Lord Chancellour one of the house of the Manors whom the King had lately preferred to a great honour who before that had been a great friend of Sir Thomas Moores but perceiving now that the world began somewhat to frown upon him because he was not so forward as other men to perswade the King to the divorce and being desirous to pick so●…e quarrel against him My Lord said Honores mut●…nt mores Sir Thomas
readily replied It as so indeed my Lord but Mores signifies in English manners not More which answer put my Gentleman to a nihil di●… 21. Sir Thomas Moore having le●…t a Gentleman mony in some time afterwards demanded it back of the Gentleman the Gentleman bid him remember he must dye and God knows how soon and that then he should have little use of mony adding the Se●…ence in Latin the better to please Sr. ●…h ma●… Memento morieris to which Sir 〈◊〉 presently answer'd What say you Sir methinks you put your self in mind of your duty herein saying Memento Moriaeris Remember Moores mony 21. It happened on a time●… hat a beggars little dog which she had lost was sent to the Lady Moore for a Present and she had kept it about a week very carefully but at last the beggar having notice where her dog was presently came and complained to Sir Thomas as he was sitting in his Hall that his Lady kept her dog from her presently my Lady was sent for and the dog brought with her which Sir Thomas taking in his arms he caused his wife to stand at the upper end of the Hall and the beggar at the lower end and then saying That he sate there to do every one justice He badeach of them call the Dog which when they did the dog ran presently to the beggar forsaking his Lady when he saw this he bid his Wife be contented for it was none of hers yet she repining at his Sentence agreed with the beggar and gave her a piece of Gold so all parties were satisfied every one smiling at this strange discovery of truth 23. Another time a certain friend of his taking great pains about a Book which he intended to publish being well conce●…ted of his own wit which no body else thought worth of commendation and because he would Sir Thomas Moore should observe it e're it were Printed he brought it to him who perusing it and finding nothing therein worthy the Presse said with a grave countenance If it were in verse it were more worth upon which words he went immediately and turned it into verse and then brought it again to Sir Thomas who looking thereon said soberly Yea marry now it is somewhat for now it is Rithm before it was neither Rithm nor Reason 24. And what ever Jest he brought forth he never laughed at any himself but spoke them so seriously that few could discern by his look whether he were in earnest or in jest as once talking with another in dispute of his Dialogues by some occasion they happened to speak of a Dogs Turd at that very instant one of his men came to tell him that dinner was ready to whom he said look that there be better mea●… provided for us than that who presently went and told his Lady that his Lord would have better meat provided for his Dinner which caused a great disturbance in the house till at last the mistake being known the sea of their disturbance was calmed in a fit of laughing 25. Sir Thomas Moore had only daughters at the first and his Wife did ever pray for a boy at last she had a boy which after at mans years proved simple Sir Thomas said to his Wife Thou prayedst so long for a boy that he will be a boy as long as he lives 26. Sir Thomas Moore the day he was beheaded had a Barber sent to him because his hair was long which was thought would make him more commiserable with the people the Barber came to him and asked him whether he would be pleased to be trimmed In good faith honest fellow said Sir Thomas the King and I have a suit for my head and till the Title be cleared I will do no c●…st upon it 27. Sir Thomas Moore had sent him by a Suiter in the Chancery two silver flaggons when they were presented by the Gentlemans servant he said to one of his men Have him to the Cellar and let him have of my best Wine and turning to the servant said tell thy M●…ster friend if he like it let him not spare it 28. When Sir Thomas Moore was Lord Chance●…lour he did use at Masse to sit in the Chancel and his Lady in a Pew and because the Pew stood out of sight his Gentleman Usher ever afte●… Service came to the Ladies Pew and said Madam my Lord is gone so when the Chancellors place was taken from him the next time they went to Church Sir Thomas himself came to his Ladies Pew and said Madam my Lord is gone 29. In Sir Thomas Moores imprisonment in the Tower there came one from the Court for to perswade Sir Thomas to change his mind before he died of those things which he stood condemned in by the Law and Sir Thomas being wearied with his importanity said I have changed my mind the C●…tier said in what Sir Thomas replied in this That whereas he had intended to be s●…aven that he might appear to the people as before he was wo●… now he was fully resolved that his beard should take such part as his head did 30. Sir Thomas Pope visiting Sir Thomas Moore in his imprisonment was very sad and could not refrain from weeping which Sir Thomas Moore seeing to put him out of his melancholy took his own urinal in his hand and casting his water said merrily I see no danger but that this man meaning himself might live longer if it had pleased the King 31. Sir Thomas Moore who was a man in all his life time that had an excellent vein in jesting a little before and at his death delivered himself in this manner coming on the Scaffold which seemed to him so weak that it was ready to fall he said merrily to the Lieutenant I pray you Mr. Lieutenant see me safe up for my coming down let me shift for my self and to the Execaioner he said pluck up thy spirits man and be not afraid to do thine office my neck is very short take heed therefore thou strike not away for saving thine honesty and at the very instant of his death having a pretty long beard after his head was upon the block lift it up again and gently drew his beard aside and said that that had never committed any Treason nor in the least offended the King and therefore should not be cut off and thus passed Sir Thomas Moore out of this world on the very same day on which himself had most desired being Saint Thomas day in the year of our Lord 1537. FINIS