Mount Cenis at his return from Lantern land wishing them nevertheless in case they were not yet dispos'd to shake hands with this Life and did not like their salt Liquor they might have the good luck to meet with some kind Whale which might set them ashore safe and sound on some bless'd Land of Gotham after a famous example The Ship being clear'd of Dingdong and his Tups Is there ever another sheepish Soul left lurking on board cryed Panurge where are those of Toby Lamb and Robin Ram that sleep whilst the rest are a feeding Faith I can't tell my self This was an old coaster's Trick What think'st thou of it Fryar Ihon hah Rarely perform'd answer'd Fryar Ihon only methinks that as formerly in War on the day of Battle a double Pay was commonly promis'd the Soldiers for that Day for if they overcame there was enough to pay them and if they lost it would have been shameful for them to demand it as the cowardly Foresters did after the Battle of Cerizoles Likewise my Friend you ought not to have paid your Man and the Mony had been sav'd A Fart for the Money said Panurge have I not had above fifty thousand pounds worth of sport Come now let 's begon the Wind is fair hark you me my Friend Ihon Never did Man do me a good Turn but I return'd or at least acknowledg'd it No I scorn to be ungrateful I never was nor ever will be Never did Man do me an ill one without rueing the Day that he did it either in this World or the next I am not yet so much a fool neither Thou damn'st thy self like any old Devill quoth Fryar Ihon It it written Mihi vindictam c. matter of breviary Mark ye me that 's holy stuffe CHAP. IX How Pantagruel Arrived at the Island of Ennasin and of the strange ways of being akin in that Country WE had still the Wind at South South West and had been a whole day without making Land On the third day at the Flyes up-rising which you know is some two or three hours after the Sun 's we got sight of a Triangular Island very much like Sicily for its Form and Situation It was called the Island of Alliances The People there are much like your Carrot-pated Poitevins save only that all of them Men Women and Children have their Noses shap'd like an Ace of Clubs For that reason the ancient Name of the Country was Ennasin They were all akin as the Mayor of the place told us at least they boasted so You People of the other World esteem it a wonderful thing that out of the Family of the Fabii at Rome on a certain day which was the 13th of February at a certain Gate which was the Porta Carmentalis since nam'd Scelerata formerly situated at the foot of the Capitol between the Tarpeian Rock and the Tyber March'd out against the Veientes of Etruria three hundred and six Men bearing Arms all related to each other with five thousand other Soldiers every one of them their Vassals who were all slain near the River Cremera that comes out of the Lake of Beccano Now from this same Country of Ennasin in case of need above three hundred thousand all Relations and of one Family might March out Their degrees of Consanguinity and Alliance are very strange for being thus akin and allied to one another we found that none was either Father or Mother Brother or Sister Uncle or Aunt Nephew or Neece Son-in-Law or Daughter-in-Law God-Father or God-Mother to the other unless truly a tall flat-nos'd old fellow who as I perceiv'd call'd a little shitten-ars'd Girl of three or four years old Father and the Child call'd him Daughter Their distinction of degrees of Kindred was thus a Man us'd to call a Woman my Lean Bit the Woman call'd him my Porpus Those said Fryar Jhon must needs stink damnably of Fish when they have rub'd their Bacon one with t'other One smiling on a young bucksom Baggage said good morrow dear Curry-Comb she to return him his Civility said the like to you my Steed Hah Hah Hah said Panurge that 's pretty well i'faith for indeed it stands her in good stead to Curry-comb this Steed Another greeted his Buttock with a farewel my Case she reply'd adieu Tryal By St. Winifred â—s Placket cry'd Gymnast this Case has been often try'd Another ask'd a she Friend of his how is 't Hatchet she answer'd him at your service dear Helve Odds Belly saith Carpalin this Helve and this Hatchet are well march'd As we went on I saw one who calling his she Relation styl'd her my Crum and she call'd him my Crust Quoth one to a brisk plump juicy Female I am glad to see you dear Tap so am I to find you so merry sweet Spiggot reply'd she One call'd a Wench his Shovel she call'd him her Peal One nam'd his my Slipper and she him my Foot Another my Boot she my Shasoon In the same degree of Kindred one call'd his my Butter she call'd him my Eggs and they were akin just like a dish of Butter'd Eggs. I heard one call his my Tripe and she him my â—â—ggot Now I could not for the Hearts Blood of me pick out or discover what Parentage Alliance Affinity or Consanguinity was between them with reference to our Custom only they told us that she was Faggots Tripe Tripe de Faggot means the smallest sticks in a Faggot Another Complementing his Convenient said yours my Shell she reply'd I was yours before sweet Oyster I reckon said Carpalim she hath gutted his Oyster Another long shank'd ugly Rogue mounted on a pair of high-heel'd Wooden Slippers meeting a strapping fusty squobb'd Dowdy says he to her how'st my Top she was short upon him and arrogantly reply'd never the better for you my Whip By St. Anthony's Hog said Xenomanes I believe so for how can this Whip be sufficient to lash this Top. A College Professor well provided with Cod and poudered and prink'd up having a while discoursed with a great Lady taking his leave with these words Thank you Sweet Meat she cry'd there needs no thanks Sower Sauce Saith Pantagruel this is not altogether incongruous for sweet Meat must have sower Sawce A Wooden Loggerhead said to a young Wench 't is long since I saw you Bag all the better cry'd she Pipe Set 'em together said Panurge then blow in their Arses 't will be a Bag-pipe We saw after that a diminutive hump-back'd Gallant pretty near us taking leave of a she Relation of his thus Fare thee well Friend Hole she repartee'd save thee Friend Peg. Quoth Fryar Jhon what could they say more were he all Peg and she all Hole But now would I give something to know if every Crany of the Hole can be stop'd up with that same Peg. A baudy Batchelor talking with an old Trout was saying remember it Rusty Gun I won't fail said she Scowrer Do you reckon these two to be akin said
ill luck they have of late joyn'd the Holy Bible to their Studies so the Devil a one we can get down among us And I verily believe that unless the Caâ—ars i. e. the Hypocrites of the Tribe of Levi help us in it taking from the enlightned Bookmongers their St. Paul either by Threats Revilings Force Violence or Fire and Faggot we shall not be able to hook in any more of them to nibble at below The Fosterers Suttlers Charcoalmen and Boiling-cooks of Hell that were mawl'd and pepper'd off in the Northern Countries are the Monks and Priests who were routed there particularly in England By the Students of Treâ—isonde he means those of the Popish Universities where as he says they are tempted by the Devils by which he means Monks and Priests Professors and their Tutors to leave Father and Mother forgo for ever the establish'd and common Rule of Living free themselves from obeying their Lawful Sovereign's Edicts live in Absolute Liberty and taking the fine jovial little Cap of Poetic License become so many pretty Hobgoblins The Cap of License means their Degrees or the Cowl and Poetic is only added to blind the thing So the Monks leave Father and Mother and disclaim all Authority but the Pope's On Chapter 47. BY the old Woman of Pope-figland who frights the Devil and puts him to flight the Author means that the Monks and Priests of the Church of Rome were so ignorâ—nt and their Tenents so groundless that the very Women could make fools of them even at demonstrative Arguments On Chapter 48. and five following THe Island of Papimany is those whose Love and Zeal for the Pope is so excessive that it may be counted Madness The word is made of Papa Pope and Mania Madness from 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 insanio Thus in Plutarch the Andromanes were Women whose Love for Men was most blind and furious that Name being given to those Lacedaemonian Women who us'd to fight before the People with bare Thighs whence they were call'd Phenomerides This blind Zâ—al for Popery is drawn in most lively Colours by our Satyrical Painter in all those Chapters and particularly appears by the Discourse of the Four Estates of the Country the Gentleman the Lawyer the Monk and the Clown who all give the Pope those Epithetes which only belong to God calling that Bishop of Rome He that is and God on Earth All know that the Pope's Flatterers have been very prodigal of such Epithetes principally in Rabelais's time as to Paul the Third who as Alstedius and others write was stil'd Optimus maximus in terris Deus and the following Distich was also made to compliment a Pope and prove that he was justly call'd God on Earth Ense potens gemino mundi moderaris habenas Et meritò in terris diceris esse Deus The Four Estates are brought in to show that the Pope's Missionaries are of all sorts of Conditions Their frantic Zeal does not only make them adore the Pope but prostrate themselves at the Feet of those who have seen him Says Panurge to them When they ask'd him whether he had been blest with the sight of that God on Earth yea verily Gentlemen I have seen three of them whose sight has not muâ—h better'd me O thrice and four times happy People cry'd the Papimanes you are welcome and more than double welcome and they would have kiss'd Panurge's Feet saying they would even the kiss Pope's A if ever he came among them Aâ— soon as our Travellers are landed the People â—â—â—â—ng to see those blessed Men who had seen his Holiness's Face Homenas Bishop of the Placeâ— hastens to them in Pâ—â—tiâ—alibus with his Train of Church Players bearing Crosses Banners Standards Holy Water-pots and Canopies such as the Pope and the Host use to be under when they are carried in Procession The Mob conducts and attends the Strangers to the Church where there is not one word mention'd of God nor Jesus Christ or the Gospel but much of the most Holy Decretales or Popes Decrees written with the hand of an Angel Our Author admirably ridicules the Credulity of those bigotted Papists then Homenas mumbles over a Mass after which from the Church he leads them to the Tavern where he feasts the Strangers with the Money that was gather'd during the Mass yet not till he had shew'd them the Pope's Picture which Epistemon said was not like the late Popes for saith he I have seen them not thus with their Pallium Aumusse and Rochet on but with Helmets on their Heads more like the Top of a Persian Turbant and while the Christian Commonwealth was in Peace they alone were furiously and cruelly making War Hâ—menas zealously takes their pa◠〈…〉 â—plies that then it was against those who trangress'd against their Decretals and that whether they were Emperors Kings or Commonwealths he was immediately to pursue them with Fire and Sword strip them of their Kingdoms anathematize them and not only destroy their Bodies those of their Children and Adherents but also damn their Souls to the Pit of Hell Nothing can be finer than the Feast and the Discourse of Homenas and his Guests Young buxom Lasses wait on them principally Homenas's Favourite whom our Author calls Clerica Friar Ihon who leer'd on them side-ways like a Cur that steals a Capon lik'd them better than some of the Bon Christian Pears so does Homenas who is very lavish of that Fruit like Horace's Calaber Haec porcis hodiè comedenda relinques But he will by no means be perswaded to part with one of the Doxies The most Holy and Heavenly Decretales are celebrated with swindging Bumpers of good Wine just as Belshazzar extoll'd his gods of Gold and Silver In short this Feast is a Triumph in which our Author has describ'd the voluptuous Life of those esseminate 〈…〉 their Superstitions which are â—ation of their Idleness and Luxury and then Impious Doctrine that encourages Subjects to kill their Lawful Sovereign and Massacre all those who will not blindly submit to the Pope and the blind Idolatrous Worship which he has invented by whose means saith our Author Gold is subtilly drawn out of France to Rome above Four hundred thousand Ducates every Year England was much more fleec'd till it had shaken off the Papal Yoke and we must own that as Doctor Rabelais was very well inform'd of all these Abuses no Man ever describ'd them more to the Life and the best Protestant Writers have not equall'd him in this tho they did it out of Interest and made it their particular Business Neither can I tell whether Rabelais's Boldness be more to be wonder'd at in publishing such a Work while Fires were kindled in every part of France to burn the Lutherans than his good Fortune in having scap'd those Flames to which many were condemn'd for less every day where he wrote On Chap. 55 and 56. BY the unfrozen or thaw'd words which Pantagruel and his Company heard at Sea in open
PANTAGRUEL's VOYAGE TO THE Oracle of the BOTTLE Being the Fourth and Fifth Books OF THE WORKS OF FRANCIS RABELAIS M. D. WITH The Pantagruelian Prognostication and other Pieces in Verse and Prose by that Author Also his Historical Letters Compleating all his Works that are Extant Never before printed in English Done out of French by Mr. Motteux With Explanatory Remarks on every Chapter by the same Hand LONDON Printed for Richard Baldwin near the Oxford-Arms in Warwick-Lane 1694. To the Honourable HUGH HARE Esq SIR I Would not imitate those Authors who fly foâ— Protection to Persons that are unable or unwilling to grant it Your Love for Learning prompting You to countenance the Well-meant Endeavours of Studious Men You have condescended to extend Your Favours even to me This SIR made me so presumptuous as to relish no other Method of owning the Debt I cannot pay and at the same time prepossessing the Reader in my Favour than by dedicating this Translaâ—ion of the best Work of France's gâ—eatest Wit to You who have made â—he Copy of the Master-piece of one of Italy's best Historians outshine the beautiful Original For whatever my Performance be most Readers will as little doubt its being good because offer'd to so great a Judge as they would be apt to mistrust a Child's Legitimacy to whom they saw a Man of Nice Honour stand Godfather Indeed as Those who have no Children may be thought more oblig'd to be thus Trustees for those of others and make amends for not begetting any so Those whose Pens produce nothing seem more engag'd to take care of the Offspring of other mens Brains than those whose fertile Minds like Yours are like to people the learned World with manly and charming Productions Yet this do's not excuse the latter from appearing in Behalf of those who stand in need of their charitable good Word when usher'd in to the World Besides as He who never had any Progeny is less likely to secure a good Fame to that of others than a Person whose honourable Offspring evinces his Capacity for such a Christian-like Office so he who never writ can hardly so effectually save a Book from Damnation as one who having enrich'd the Public with valuable Pieces is acknowledg'd a competent Judge in the matter Till Occasion calls and You consent to leave the Study of the best Ancients and Moderns to devote Your Self wholly to what You love more than Your Ease I mean Your Country it hopes SIR to be oblig'd to You for such Presents the Product of the hours that divide those during which You either bless Your Friends with Your Conversation or Your Self with that of a Consort whose outward Graces are attended with all the Beauties of the Mind May Your Happiness like Your Vertues admit of no Allay Be still the Joy of a Noble Father who doubly lives while he sees the Heir to his Honours already like himself adorn'd with the most essential Nobility when he sees in You so ripe a Judgment so calm and sedate a Mind in so flourishing a Youth so universal a Learning without any Tincture of Affectation or Pedantry so great a Knowledge of the World without the least Acquaintance with its Vices and above all so charming a Modesty that Vertue which shuns a Lustre yet heightens that of every other But that Darling of Yours causes me to draw a Veil over those other Accomplishments which as they endear You to all Mankind would have made me ambitious of owning my self Your Admirer tho I were not otherwise bound to profess my self with all imaginable Zeal and Respect SIR Your most humble and most oblig'd Servant PETER MOTTEUX The Translator's Preface Reader I Don't know what kind of a Preface I must write to find thee Courteous an Epithete too often bestow'd without a Cause The Author of this Work has been as sparing of what we call Good Nature as most Readers are now adays So I 'm afraid his Translator and Commentator is not to expect much more than has been shew'd them What 's worse there are but two sorts of taking Prefaces as there are but two kinds of Prologues to Plays for Mr. Bays was doubtless in the right when he said That if Thunder and Lightning could not fright an Audience into Complaisance the sight of the Poet with a Rope about his Neck might work them into Pity Some indeed have bullied many of you into an Applause and rail'd at your Faults that you might think them without any and others more safely have spoken kindly of you that you might think or at least speak as favourably of them and be flatter'd into Patience Now I fancy there 's nothing less difficult to attempt than the first method for in this blessed Age 't is as easy to find a Bully without Courage as a Whore without Beauty or a Writer without Wit though those qualifications are so necessary in their respective Professions The mischief is that you seldom allow any to rail besides your selves and and cannot bear a Pride which shocks your own As for wheadling you into a liking of a Work I must confess it seems the safest way but tho Flattery pleases you well when 't is particular you hate it as little concerning you when 't is general Then we Knights of the Quill are a stiff-neck'd Generation who as seldom care to seem to doubt the worth of our Writings and their being lik'd as we love to flatter more than one at a time and had rather draw our Pens and stand â—p for the Beauty of our Works as some Errant â—â—â—ls us'd to do for that of their Mistresses to the last drop of our Ink. And truly this Submission which sometimes wheadles you into Pity as seldom decoys you into Love as the aukward Cringing of an Antiquated Fop as Moneyless as he 's Vgly affects an experienc'd Fair One. Now we as little value your Pity as a Lover his Mistress's well satisfi'd that 't is only a less uncivil way of dismissing us But what if neither of these two ways will work upon you of which doleful Truth some of our Play-wrights stand so many living Monuments Why then truly I can think on no other way at present but blending the two into one and from this Marriage of huffing cringing there will result a new kind of careless Medley which perhaps will work upon both sorts of Readers those who are to be hector'd and those whom we must creep to At least 't is like to please by its Novelty and 't will not be the first Monster that has pleas'd you when regular Nature could not do it If uncommon Mirth lively Wit and deep Learning wove into wholesom Satire a bold good and vast Design admirably pursu'd Truth set out in its true Light and a Method how to arrive to its Oracle can recommend a Work I am sure This has enough to please any reasonable Man The three Books publish'd some time since which are in a
the Knights of the Order of the Golden Fleece On Chapter 6. THE Author describes how the Birds of the Ringing Island are cram'd and how though not one of 'em sets his hand to the Plow or Tills the Land whose Fat he devours they wallow in plenty and do nothing but chirp it whistle it and warble it merrily night and day All this Chapter is a cutting Satire in which Rabelais ingeniously exposes the foolish Bigotry of the great Vulgar and the small who have undone and still ruin themselves daily to maintain those lazy hypocritical Birds of Prey in idle Ease and luxurious Pleasure though the ravenous Tribe have nothing to give in return but insignificant Sitiâ—in Prayers and a doubtful Hereafter for a certain Now. On Chapter 7. THIS Chapter is not in its due place neither can I find any in the whole Book where it could be well brought in this makes me believe that either it was design'd for some of those which probably Rabelais intended to publish after this wherein as he tells us in the Third Book we were to have an Account of Panurge's Marriage and of his being made a Cuckold on his Wedding Night after his coming from the Oracle of the Bottle I can perceive some difference in the style and the Sense is lame in some places so that as this Book was not printed till after our Author's death nor would it have been safe for him to have publish'd it I am of Opinion it was found among his Papers and imperfect as it was â—oisted in any how However the Island of the Apedesers is a Satire on some Courts of Judicature whose Members squeeze out the Blood and Substance not only of the wrangling part of the World but of those peaceable persâ—â—â— whom some litigious Adversaries compel to fall into their Clutches The little Wire-press call'd Pithies in the Language of the Country that lay Backwards in a blind Corner signifies the Bâ—â—vâ—â—â—es Drinking places which are generally in the very Buildings where are the Courts of Judicature in France whither the Lawyers â—o to refresh themselves at the Expence of the Clients That Word comes from the Greek 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 Drink The Ancients had also a Festival Sacred to Bacchus which was call'd 〈…〉 Hogshead It us'd to be celebrated at the time of the year when Tuns and Hogsheads us'd to be new hoop'd and fitted up and while it lasted all Comers and Goers drunk Wine gratis just as they do in France on St. Martin's Eve The Athenians kept that Festival in the month which they call Anthesteron which is our month of November as Gâ—za proves it Lib. de mensibus Atheniensium By which it appears that the Custom us'd on â—t Martin's day in France on which the Parliaments as well as others make merry succeeded to the Pithaegia of the Ancients All this Chapter may be easily understood by those who are acquainted with the Customs of France and as it may be applicable also to other Countries it cannot seem very dark to others On Chapter 8. THIS Chapter ought immediately to follow the Sixth and is also easily to be construed 'T is observable that about midnight which is the time that many Monks are to rise to go to Prayers Aedituus wakes his Guests that they might drink telling them they should have eaten 3 Breakfasts already and that if they would consume the Mouth-Ammunition of that Countrey they must rise betimes Eat them says he they multiply spare them they diminish The lean Birds who are singing to them while they are to drink are the Novices and sorry Monk-links who chant at Church Matins or Vespers while the Great ones snore or tope Panurge who likes all this well enough is yet for someting else and would mix the Sports of Love with those of Bacchus and considering that though those Ecclesiastics enjoy the latter at their ease yet they dare not taste of the first without danger he brings in the Fable of the Ass who slighted the delicious Food of the High-mâ—tall'd Prancers because they were not allow'd to be familiar with the Mares Our Author ingeniously makes Panurge who was for copulating in a lawful way relate this to the Priest by which he would insinuate that 't were much better for them to have a liberty to marry On Chapter 9. WITH much ado our Travellers get a sight of the Popehawk 't is Pope Julius the Third who sate drooping with his Feathers staring about him attended by a Brace of little Cardinhawks and six lusty fusty Bishhawks Panurge seeing him crys A Curse light on the Hatcher of the Ill Bird o' my word this is a filthy Whoophooper A Whoop or a Hooper upupa 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 is a Bird whose Cop or Tufft of Feathers on its Head is not altogether unlike the Papal Tiara adorn'd with a Triple Crown the whole delight of that filthy Fowl is to nestle in man's Ordure which admirably denotes the Inclinations of many of the Holy Fathers and particularly of Julius III. as I will immediately shew it The Madgehowlet which was perceiv'd under the Popehawk's Cage implies either a Pope of the Female Kind as Pope Joan if there ever was any such or rather a Donzella or Concubine unless some Critic will offer to say that this Madgehowlet which Aedituus swears is no She-thing but a Male and a noble Bird certainly was the Cardinal Innocent with whom his Holiness Pope Julius the Third had been passionately in love while he was Legate at Bolonia and to whom as a Reward for his kind Services he had bestowed a Cardinal's Cap when he was advanc'd to the Papal Chair Since that this Noble Cardinal was so very intimate with that Pope that Pasquil could not forbear to say he believ'd nothing of all this and That Innocent was not handsome enough to be Jupiter 's Ganymede The Brace of little Cardinhawks seem to mean either some such young Sparks or rather some of that Pope's Bastards or at least his Predecessor's Paul the III. made two of his Bastard Daughter's Sons Cardinals and Rabelais in his 15th Letter to the Bishop of Maâ—â—â—zais calls them the little Cardinals de santa Fâ—ore That Pope himself who had kept a Roman Lady della Casa Rufina and had a Bastard Son by another had a Sister once kept by Pope Alexander VI. who had her drawn like the Virgin Mary She was married afterwards to a Gentleman who having notice that the Pope lay with her in his Absence afterwards stabb'd her so to make her Brother amends Alexander made him a Cardinal while he was yet verâ— young and afterwards he was chosen Pope Rabelais seems maliciously to pun upon one of those diminutive Cardinals in his Letters calling him a Cadinaliâ—ule The old Greenheaded Bish hawk snoring with his Mate and three Jolly Bitter Attendants under an Arbour so that he could not be wak'd by the Baxome Abbel-kite that sung by them like any Linnet is Jâ—hn de la Casa
Pantagruel to the Mayor I rather take them to be Foes in our Country a Woman would take this as a mortal affront Good People of t'other World reply'd the Mayor you have few such and so near Relations as this Gun and Scowerer are to one another for they both came out of one Shop What was the Shop their Mother quoth Panurge What Mother said the Mayor does the Man mean That must be some of your Worlds Affinity we have here neither Father nor Mother Your little paultry fellows that live on t'other side the Water poor Rogues Booted with wisps of Hay may indeed have such but we scorn it The good Pantagruel stood gazing and listning but at those words he had like to have lost all Patience 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 M. Having very exactly viewed the Situation of the Island and the way of living of the Ennased Nation we went to take a Cup of the Creature at a Tavern where there happen'd to be a Wedding after the manner of the Country bating that shocking Custom there was special good Chear While we were there a pleasant Match was struck up bewixt a Female call'd Pear a tight thing as we thought but by some who knew better things said to be quaggy and flabby and a young soft Male call'd Cheese somewhat sandy In our Country indeed we say Il ne fut one tel marriage qu'est de la Poire du Fremage There 's no Match like that made between the Pear and the Cheese and in many other places good store of such Bargains have been driven Besides when the Women are at their last Prayers 't is to this day a noted saying That after Cheese comes nothing In another Room I saw them marrying an old greasy Boot to a young pliable Buskin Pantagruel was told that young Buskin took old Boot to have and to hold because she was of special Leather in good case and wax'd sear'd liquor'd and greas'd to the purpose even though it had been for the Fisherman that went to Bed with his Boots on In another Room below I saw a young Brogue taking a young Slipper for better for worse Which they told us was neither for the sake of her Piety Parts or Person but for the fourth comprehensive P. Portion the Spankers Spur Royals Rose-Nobles and other Coriander Seed with which she was quilted all over CHAP. X. How Pantagruel went ashoar at the Island of Chely where he saw King St. Panigon WE sail'd right before the Wind which we had at West leaving those odd Alliancers with their Ace of Clubs Snouts and having taken height by the Sun stood in for Chely a large Fruitful Wealthy and well Peopled Island King St. Panigon first of the Name Reign'd there and attended by the Princes his Sons and the Nobles of his Court came as far as the Port to receive Pantagruel and conducted him to his Palace near the Gate of which the Queen attended by the Princesses her Daughters and the Court Ladies received us Panigon directed her and all her Retinue to salute Pantagruel and his Men with a Kiss for such was the Civil Custom of the Country and they were all fairly buss'd accordingly except Fryar Jhon who stept aside and sneak'd off among the King's Officers Panigon us'd all the entreaties imaginable to perswade Pantagruel to tarry there that day and the next but he would needs be gone and excus'd himself upon the opportunity of Wind and Weather which being oftener desir'd than enjoy'd ought not to be neglected when it comes Panigon having heard these reasons let us go but first made us take off some five and twenty or thirty Bumpers each Pantagruel returning to the Port miss'd Fryar Jhon and ask'd why he was not with the rest of the Company Panurge could not tell how to excuse him and would have gone back to the Palace to call him when Fryar Jhon overtook them and merrily cry'd Long live the Noble Panigon as I love my Belly he minds good Eating and keeps a Noble House and a dainty Kitchin I have been there Boys every thing goes about by dozens I was in good hopes to have stuffed my Puddings there like a Monk What! always in a Kitchin Friend said Pantagruel By the Belly of St. Cramcapon quoth the Fryar I understand the Customs and Ceremonies which are used there much better than all the formal Stuff antick Postures and nonsensical Fidlefadle that must be us'd with those Women magni magna Shittencumshita Cringes Grimaces Scrapes Bowes and Congées double Honours this way tripple Salutes that way the Embrace the Grasp the Squeese the Hug the Leer the Smack baso los manos de vostra merce de vostra Maesta You are most tarabin tarabaâ— Stront that 's down right Dutch why all this ado I don't say but a Man might be for a bit by the by and away to be doing as well as his Neighbours but this little nasty Cringing and Curtising made me as mad as any March Devil You talk of kissing Ladies by the Worthy and Sacred Frock I wear I seldom venture upon 't lest I be serv'd as was the Lord of Guyercharcis What was it said Pantagruel I know him he is one of the best Friends I have He was invited to a Sumptuous Feast said Fryar Jhon by a Relation and Neighbour of his together with all the Gentlemen and Ladies in the Neighbourhood Now some of the latter expecting his coming drest the Pages in Womens Cloths and finified them like any Babies then order'd them to meet my Lord at his coming near the Draw-bridge so the Complementing Monsieur came and there kiss'd the Petticoated Lads with great formality At last the Ladies who minded passages in the Gallery burst out with laughing and made signs to the Pages to take off their dress which the good Lord having observed the Devil a bit he durst make up to the true Ladies to kiss them but said That since they had disguis'd the Pages by his Great Grand-father's Helmet these were certainly the very Foot-men and Grooms still more cunningly disguis'd Ods Fish da Jurandâ— why do not we rather remove our humanities into some good warm Kitchin of God that Noble Laboratory and there admire the turning of the Spits the harmonious rattling of the Jacks and Fenders criticise on the Position of the Lard the temperature of the Potages the preparation for the Dessert and the order of the Wine Service Beati Immaculati in via matter of Breviary my Masters CHAP. XI Why Monks love to be in Kitchins THIS said Epistemon is spoke like a true Monk I mean like a right Mâ—nking Monk not a bemonk'd monastical Monkling Truly you put me in mind of some passages that happen'd at Florence some twenty Years ago in a Company of studious Travellers fond of visiting the Learned and seeing the Antiquities of Italy among whom I was As we view'd the situation and beauty of Florence the structure of the Dome the Magnificence of the
it wore a Gold Collar round which were some Ionian Characters whereof I could pick out but two words ΣΥΣ AΘHNAN Hog teaching Minerva The Sky was clear before but at that Monster 's appearance it chang'd so mightily for the worse that we were all amaz'd at it As soon as the Chitterlings perceiv'd the sâ—â—ing Hog down they all threw their Weapons and fell on their Knees lifting up their Hands joyn'd together without speaking one word in a posture of Adoration Fryar Jhon and his Party kept on mincing felling braining mangling and spitting the Chitterlings like mad But Pantagruel sounded a Retreat and all Hostility ceas'd The Monster having several times hover'd backwards and forwards between the two Aâ—mies with a Tail-shot voided above twenty seven Bâ—â—s of Mustard on the ground then flew away through the Air crying all the while Carnaval Carnaval Carnaval CHAP. XLII How Pantagruel held a treaty with Niphleseth Queen of the Chitterlings THE Monster being out of sight and the two Armies remaining silent Pantagruel demanded a parly with the Lady Niphleseth Queen of the Chitterlings who was in her Chariot by the Standards and it was easily granted The Queen alighted couâ—teously receiv'd Pantagruel and was glad to see him Pantagruel complain'd to her of this Breach of Peace But she civilly made her excuse telling him that a false information had caused all this mischief her Spies having brought her word that Shrovetide their mortal foe was landed and spent his time in examining the Urin of Physetâ—res She therefore intreated him to pardâ—â— them their offence telling him that Siâ— reverence was sooner found in Chitterling than Gall and offering for her self and 〈◊〉 her successors to hold of him and his 〈◊〉 whole Island and Country to obâ—y him 〈◊〉 all his Commands be friends to his 〈◊〉 and foes to his foes And also to â—â—â—d evâ—ry Year as an acknowledgment of 〈◊〉 â—â—â—mage a tribute of seventy eight thousand Royal Chitterlings to serve him at his first Course at Table six months in the Year which was punctually perform'd For the next day she sent the aforesaid quantity of Royal Chitterlings to the good Gargantua under the Conduct of young Niphleseth Infanta of the Island The good Gargantua made a Present of them to the great King of Paris But by chaâ—ge of Air and for want of Mustard the natural Balsam and restorer of Chitterlingâ— most of them dyed By the great Kings particular Grant they were buried in â—â—aps in a part of Paris to this day call'd La â—â—e paâ—â—e d' Andouilles The Street pavâ—d with Chitterlings At the request of the Ladies at his Court young Niphleseth was preserv'd honourably us'd and since that married to heart's content and was the Mother of many Children for which heaven be prais'd Pantagruel civilly thank'd the Queen forgave all Offences refus'd the offer she had made of her Country and gave her a pretty little Knife after that he ask'd several nice Questions concerning the Apparition of that â—lyiâ—g Hâ—g she answer'd that it was the Idâ—a of Carnaval their Tutelary God in time of War first Founder and Original of all the Chitterling race for which Reason he resembled a Hog for Chiterlings drew their extraction from Hogs Pantagruel asking to what purpose and curative Indication he had voided so much Mustard on the Earth The Queen replyâ—d that Mustard was their Sang-real and câ—lestial Balsam of which laying but a little in the wounds of the fallen Chitterlings in a very short time the wounded were heal'd and the dead restor'd to life Pantagruel held no further discourse with the Queen but retir'd a ship board The like did all the Bon Companions with their Implements of Destruction and their huge Sow CHAP. XLIII How Pantagruel went into the Island of Ruach TWO days after we arriv'd at the Island of Ruach and I swear to you by the Celestial Hen and Chickens that I found the way of living of the People â—o strange and wonderfull that I can't for the hearts Blood of me half tell it you They live on nothing but Wind eat nothing but Wind and drink nothing but Wind. They have no other Houses but weather-cocks They sow no other seeds but the three sorts of Wind-flowers Rue and herbs that may make One break wind to the purpose these scowre them off carefully The common sort of People to feed themselves make use of feather paper or linnen Fans according to their Abilities as for the Rich they live by the means of Wind-mills When they wou'd have some noble Treat the Tables are spread under one or two Wind-mills There they feast as merry as beggars and during the Meal their whole talk is commonly of the goodness excellency salubrity and rarity of Winds as you jolly Topers in your cups Philosophize and Argue upon Wines The one praises the South-east the other the South-west This the West and by South and this the East and by North another the West and another the East and so of the rest As for Lovers and amorous Sparks no Gale for them like a smâ—ck Gale For the sick they use Bellows as we use Clysters among us Oh! said to me a little diminutive swoln Bubble that I had now but a bladderfull of that same good Languedoc Wind which they call Cierce The famous Physician Scurâ—â—n passing one day by this Country was telling us that it is so strong that it will make nothing of overturning a loaded Waggon Oh! What good would it not do my oedipodic Legg The biggest are not the best but said Panurge rather would I had here a large Butt of that same good Languedoc Wine that grows at Mireveux Canteperdrix and Frontignan I saw a good likely sort of a Man there much resembling Ventrose tearing and fuming in a grievous Fret with a tall burly Groom and a pimping little Page of his laying them on like the Devil with a buskin Not knowing the cause of his anger at first I thought that all this was by the Doctor 's advice as being a thing very healthy to the Master to be in a Passion and to his Man to be bang'd for 't But at last I heard him taxing his Man with stealing from him like a Rogue as he was the better half of a large leathern Bag of an excellent southerly Wind which he had carefully lay'd up like a hidden Reserve against the cold weather They neither Exonerate Piss nor Spit in that Island but to make amends they belch fizle funk and give Tailshots in abundance They are troubled with all manner of distempers And indeed all distempers are engendred and proceed from Ventosities as Hippocrates demonstrates lib. de Flatibus But the most epidemical among them is the wind-Colick The remedies which they use are large Blisters whereby they void store of Windiness They all dye of Dropsies and Tympanies the Men farting and the Women sizling so that their Soul takes her leave at the back door Some time after walking in the Island