diuers places neare to her dwelling place Now for her diet she vsed most to feede vpon such morsels as most fitted her appetite especially such nourishing meates as best agreed with the constitution of her complexion when in an idle humour one euening she was so busie with a Lobstart that with a surfet vpon the same she fell quezie stomackt and so inflam'd her blood that she grew fantasticke and in a few nights after set many of her Maypoles on fire and in a little time after with the extremitie of passion fell into the Falling sicknesse which in a short time brought her carkas into a consumption and so in a few dayes after into her last lodging in the earth but for any great memoriall of her I reade nothing but that in her life time she had the breaking vp of youth who since her death haue continued their course to their vtter condemnation but since that for any matter of great note more then that shee was a notorious peece of pedlers stuffe the newes being of no importance it is no matter what became of her 4. In the valley of Saint Grineums the great Lord of Loâ—zie bush venturing to ride late in the night and not seeing his way fell into a deepe bog where he was so bemir'd that with a cold after a heate he caught such a relapse as that many of his copartners in his passages were greatly afraid that he would fall into a consumption both of bodie and goods a great infirmitie and hardly to be helped But hearing no matter of worth in the man nor any thing but that he liued in all vnworthinesse and died nothing worth the newes being of no importance it is no matter what became of him onely as a Lord of Langdebieâ—e let him be well boiled and serued in a messe of Bruesse at a beggers table and so let him go 5. From the coast of Careaway neare the Cape of ill Hope there came newes of a little Knight of great valour Sir Walter whet whistle who was of that force that whosoeuer encountred with him if he stood long with him in the end he was ouerthrowne Now there dwelt neare him one Sir Dogbolt Driebread who did oftentimes make a roade into his countrey and vpon a time set vpon him with all his Forces thinking at vnawares to surprise with him of which an euill neighbour to them both Sir Swines head Great swallow hauing intelligence with his armie came vpon them both and so stoutly followed his fortune that he tooke them both prisoners in the field and made them both Tributaries to his greatnesse Whether the newes be true or no it is of no importance and therefore onely fit for the great Foole to feede his humour withall 6. In the vnknowne Iland some twelue thousand miles from the great Bay of Port de Pouero where the watrie monsters keepe their Court vnder water it is reported that in that Land were great store of flesh but little wholesome for the vse of man sauing onely Hares and Conies which well dressed would now and then serue the â—urne for a strong stomacke For most of their other beasts were Foxes Wolues and Badgers and Polcats which were the spoile of many yong Lambs and sucking Rabbets yea and sometime of elder Game They had also in that country great store of Foule and birds of diuers fethers but few of them wholesome or toothsome as Dawes Rookes Crowes Night rauens Shrich Owles Cormorants and Guls which feed vpon Lambs Rabbets Mice Wormes Fish Carion and Garbidge but few of them whose flesh was fit to be serued at any Table of account but among many other Fetherd creatures they had many balde Buzzards which fed much vpon Titrimouses and hedge sparrowes which were no sooner out of the hedge but they would be vpon them and sometime so ouergorge themselues with them that with foule feeding and ouerfeeding they would fall flat on their backes with their heeles vpward so weake and faint that euery Crow might haue a picke at them Now the Traueller into that country who brought the newes from thence being vnhappily by ill weather cast vpon that coast and finding little or nothing to trade for that might giue him hope of any gaine hauing vpon a cold night lien watching at a Coniborough and scarce well and wearie in the morning making haste to get on boord with a fit gale for his purpose put out of an ill harbour and gate roundly to sea and safely returned home againe sauing that he gat such a numnesse in his ioynts and stiffnesse in his elbowes that he could scarce put his hand to his head to take off his hat at the deliuery of his trauell Of which hearing nothing worth any thing being of no great importance I found it serued onely for an idle Foole to fit the great humour of his little wit 7. In the Iland of A Merricat vnder the Equinoctial line in the Straits of Margerian in a swift current between the Lake Maudelina and the mouth of the riuer of Allitia by reason of certaine vnwholesome vapors that arose out of certaine Sulphurous mines neare vnto the sea diuers passage-boates perished or grew so rotten that if any of the passengers made shift to get home again though with losse of their ware and danger of their liues yet neither they nor the vessels were euer fit for any good emploiment or to any seruice of worth but being likely that either they were olde vessels that could abide no foule weather or some small Barkes that were swallowed vp in some swelling billowes since the certaintie thereof is not yet knowne and being doubted that some of them haue bin hotly shot at betwixt wind and water till the returne of the next Gazette there is little to be said to it and being newes of no importance it may passe for a Fable among the like fancies to fit the fancie of such a Foole. 8. From the Desert of Arabia it was reported that the people of that country liue strangely neither by trade nor trafficke fishing nor fowling nor yet by cheating nor cozening but by plaine theeuing so that betwixt them and the Turkes there is such hauocke with killing and spoiling that the poore Friers in diuers places among them or neare vnto them are in pitifull feare of their liues a great deale of land they haue but ill inhabited and Fruit trees but few and the Fruit very watrie and of little or no good nourishment They are commonly well horsed and weaponed for Bowes and arrowes darts and swords but Peeces few or none and therefore being no matter of importance the newes are not worth the noting more then that it is a wonder that they should haue a King among them that may be called the King of theeues For being all outlawes they must haue a strange kind of gouernment which it should seeme is but during pleasure Now to these and such other toyes hee had some odde discourses of
STRANGE NEWES OVT OF DIVERS COVNTRIES Neuer discouered till of late by a strange Pilgrime in those parts The Pilgrimes LONDON Printed by W. Iones for George Fayerbeard and are to be sold at his shop at the Royall Exchange 1622. TO THE READER NEwes are more tolde then true especially if they come farre off and if they be of State they are dangerous to meddle with if of home-spunne threed it is held little worth Stale newes are not worth the telling but a new matter neuer heard of before will be hearkned after though they be not worth the hearing but yet a new thing of small price may be euery mans monie especially if it take a liking in the humors of common people Such ware I haue sent to the market newes from a strange countrie of strange matters and stranze people and among all of one chiefe Ruler of the vnruly What is to be read and vnderstood followes in the leaues following which if your patience will giue you leaue to peruse you may finde more matter to laugh at then imitate Such as it is I leaue it to your censure and so rest Your wel-wishing friend B. N. STRANGE NEWES OVT OF DIVERS COVNTRIES Neuer discouered till of late by a strange Pilgrime in those parts IN a strange Land neuer found out till now of late in this present time there was a kind of people that had great heads and litle wits strong bodies but weake hearts The men were onely knowne by their shapes from monsters and the women onely by their tongues from pictures the aged spent their time most in wearinesse and the youthfull in wantonnes their Cities and Townes were of ancient buildings their houses large within and without beautiful many roomes richly furnished and with many pictures but few people their gardens and orchards so full of flowers and fruites and so finely dressed planted and pruned and weeded that it seemed they made their pallaces their Paradise for by their hellish courses it seemed that they thought of no other heauen Nature being as it were the goddesse of their worship when supernatural was too high for their capacities their apparel of diuers colours according to the varietie of their humors their Churches like shops and their wares bables their inuentions Apish and their fashions foolish while their wisdome going no further then the world kept them from the wealth aboue the world Their language more full of eloquence then truth and their actions of more craft then conscience Their Priests reade a language that often gauelleth their owne vnderstandings and their Religion is without rule of grace Their deuotion is full of darknesse for they cannot see in the day time without a candle and their prayers are by the dozen when if they miss-tell one they thinke all the rest lost And for Saints they haue so many to serue that the diuell wil not let them come at God Meetings they haue many vpon small matters Their musicke is most in a Iewes trumpe and their dances are all without measure Feasts they make many times when their flesh is Guls and their fish Gudgeons The rich are for the most part couetous and the poore patient for punishment is much more common then charitie Cuckolds they haue in communitie for they are not so wise as to account of honestie and for wittals they haue it growne to such a custome that it neuer troubles their conceit Their wooing is like bargaining for their purses make their matches and iealousie so holds in loue as kils the comfort of kindnes when the agents for flesh breake the order of fasting dayes Warres they haue seldom and their quarels most vpon the cup their great Ordinance are Pot-guns and their small shot halfe Cans Their fields are commonly cellers where they are so ouercome with kindnesse that their forces are all ouerthrowne When they are to trauell they haue horses but most of them Hobbies which commonly they buy at Faires for small prices and some few Hackneys that are such Tâ—â—s that they will start at euery Butterflie and fall downe ere a man be well mounted Their riding is without spurres for their Nagges are willing enough for their way Asses they haue many which beare great burthens and when they haue laboured them all day they walke them at night and they feed them poorely Their dogs are commonly little ones and they are most of them called Fancies which when they grow olde they knocke them on the heads Cattell they haue store and most of them Cowes for there is hardly a house without a Calfe and Swine a world for euery Stie hath a Sow or two in her Birds they haue many but their chiefe pleasure is in Wagtailes that are pretie fowles and euer pidling in water plashes Cuckoes they haue great store but they sing onely in May and Parrots very many that talke strange things in their languages and Cock-Sparrowes so many that they can scarce find Hens for their treading Duckes and Geese in abundance and they breed out of measure Other birds they haue as Tittimouses and Robin Red-breasts Larks and Buntings which were often caried to the markets and bought for small prices Ringdoues they had many but Turtles very few Exercises they haue many but chiefly wrestling when they haue more foiles then faire falls Sometime they vse riding of the wilde Mare shooing of the Goose and shoâ—ting at the Conie Hunting they vse little but to finde a Hare at squat a Doe at laire a Foxe in a snare a Mouse in a trap a Woodcocke in a springe or a Blackbird in a pitfall Some strange trickes they haue to get mony with as to make a Begger speake like a Lord a Foole like a wise man a Cobler like a Captaine and a boy like a wench but that is but for a time for when the date of the letter is past the counterfet is conceiued and the Metamorphosis returneth to his owne shape When there are any burials they mourne much for the youthfull because they die so soone for the aged because they liued so long for the wise because there is so few left and for the foolish because they want companie for the rich that they had no more for them and for the poore that they might haue prayed for them wiues for their husbands because they are vnprouided of new husbands for their wiues because seldome comes the better parents for children because of the losse of hope of their goodnesse children for their parents for losse of hope of the more goods But their mournings were not long for they lasted not so long as their apparell for out of sight out of minde and they knew they must liue by the liuing and not by the dead The mony-men are very couetous for they will not lose the scraping of a kettle and the women are very miserable for when they make broth though it be very thin they will not lose the dropping of their noses For the yong things they
Labour in vaine which were not many but as they came to my hands I haue set them downe which were as followeth 1. In time out of minde when Beasts and Birds could speake and windes could whisle wondrous things there was in a strange country a great bird like an Eagle that flying vp and downe in diuers places of the world espied by chance a far off a faire bird like a Phenix vpon a high rocks sitting among a number of faire Foules and sweete singing birds round about her but she sat in a great maiestie aboue them all now this other great bird in his pride scorning all birds but himselfe and enuying the greatnesse of this faire blessed bird called a councell of his kites together to find out some deuice or other wherby to seeke the death and ouerthrow not onely of her but of all the goodly Foules and sweete birds about her Much talke there was how to bring this matter to effect and the better to set it on work before the enterprize was attempted the great Bird sent out certaine Buzzards as spies to flicker about the coast of the country where the faire bird kept her high flight who being returned with matter of such maiestie as bred increase of malice in the heart of the proud bird he standing so much vpon his strength that he thought no bird should be able to beare a fether in his frowne commanded forthwith a number of cages to be made in which he put a number of Peacocks woodcocks Dawes Rauens and Crowes Guls and Kites to make warre with this faire Bird and her Fowles which were no sooner put to sea but a chattering Pie in all places where she flew cried Victorie victorie but hauing passed along the Seas neare the coast they were encountred with such a flight of braue birds as put the cages with all their forces to such a flight as so draue them vpon the rocks and sands that few of them were able to get home with the hard newes of their heauie fortune but when the great Birde beheld the wofull spectacle of his drouping flight hee fell into such an agonie through a passion in his disgraced pride finding his labor all in vain stoupt his traine hung downe his head and shortly after turned vp his heeles And thus ended his discourse of Labour in vaine a tale of a tub without head or foote and therefore like a Fable of the Foxe and the Goose I leaue it to the Gander with whom I found it 2. In the Iland of Terra Lorida a place of great merchandize of small wares neare the chiefe Citie of Nullibi in an vniuersalitie in stead of an Vntuersitie where Schollers were as ill read as taught there was a deepe studient in the secrets of Nature which labouring much to bring all to nothing wrought day and night for the Moone-shine in the water when hauing spent both time and meanes to worke wonders out of imaginations finding Nature not so subiect to Art but to keep her owne power in all properties when his fire lacked fuell his eyes were ouermatched and a long hope of great substance went away all in smoke and while he laboured to marry the Sunne and the Moone together there was such a cloud betweene his wit and the light of wisedome that he could effect nothing to his purpose and that with the stone of Philosophie many braines had bin beaten long and the head nere the better with a great deale of griefe and little hope of amends walking one day to the Sea side and studying how to find out the cause of the ebbing and flowing of the sea but neuer able to finde it out saw as it were a vision or rather some conceited apparition of a man lading of water into a pot which though it was full and ranne ouer yet he still laded in water when this little well learned Scholler wondring at his worke asked him what he meant to do quoth he As you doe Labour in vaine and so vpon the sudden vanished out of his sight and left him so perplexed that with very pittie to see the passion of the poore man I awaked 3. In the old time when Hobgoblin and Robin good Fellow made country wenches keepe their houses cleane ouernight for feare of walking spirits should get into their chambers and ere they were aware slip into their beds and get them with child before morning In a country village called Lobkin the large there dwelt a plaine dealing man who with his wife a good breeding creature with eating of Mummada pudding and the inward of a beast with the helpe of a pot of Ale and Ginger found the means to fill the world with beggers the poore man hauing passed many dayes in no small purgatorie with her intollerable tongue which would call him by many more names then belonged to a Christian sought all the meanes to bring that vnquiet creature into some more peaceable course pleasd her humor in all he could but all would not suffice but an Eios hawke would euer be prating but when she was either at iacke or at feeding so this tatling gossip that tooke a continuall pleasure to heare her selfe speake though seldome to any good purpose the poore man so tired out with trying all meanes he could to stay the ringing of this house bell and finding his labour all in vaine resolued to put on such a patience as was past all vnderstanding and to let her talke till she was weary which could be neuer while she had breath and letting her haue her swinge till he could no longer suffer it knowing a day appointed when they should ride to a Wake or a wassell a merry meeting of gossips and their Assebands her Mare that she vsde to ride to market on being then in the stable and fed with the best hey and oates to please his Dame but little to her knowledge kept her from water a day and a night before she was to ride but when the day came and she was mounted and vpon her way it fell out that they were to go through a deepe riuer where the Mare greedy of water to quench her thirst as almost or rather stronger headed then her Dame ranne into the deepe and stumbling in a hole floundring out with much ado threw her into the poole and with much ado saued her selfe When the poore man looking backe and not hearing her speake who all the way before neuer held her peace but was euer finding fault with the ill setting of her pannell or the raines of her bridle or the shooing of her neere foote because she would now and then trip somewhat low and so with one thing or other be euer finding fault to keepe her tongue wagging but when he could not heare her speake and seeing onely her clothes appeare a little in the water after he had got out his Mare called for helpe to get out his Dame in a maner dead which being layed on the bank and the water