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A54240 The wits academy, or, The muses delight consisting of merry dialogues upon various occasions composed of mirth, wit, and eloquence, for a help to discourse to such as have had but small converse with the critical sort of people, which live in this censorious age : as also, divers sorts of letters upon several occasions both merry and jocose, helpful for the inexpert to imitate, and pleasant to those of better judgement, at their own leisure to peruse : with a perfect collection of all the newest and best songs, and catches, that are, and have been lately in request at court, and both the theatres. W. P. 1677 (1677) Wing P139; ESTC R4337 143,775 351

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protest Page 113 No no thou all of red and white Page 150 O. OH Celia come tell me how long it will be Page 12 Oh Delia for I know 't is thee Page 23 Oh that Joy so soon should wast Page 33 Oh name not the day lest my 〈◊〉 reprove Page 59 Oh sorrow sorrow say 〈◊〉 dost thou dwel Page 71 Oh Celia come tell me 〈◊〉 Page 100 P POor Citizen if thou wilt be Page 52 Poor Corydon thy flames remove Page 112 Peace Cupid take thy bow in hand Page 134 Poor Celia once-was very fair Page 140 Peace and silence be the guid● Page 142 Philander and Sylvia a gentle young pair Page 143 Phillis I pray Page 149 S. STay shut not the Gate Page 32 Since we poor slavish Women know Page 40 Sure it is so then let it go Page 74 Still to be neat still to be drest Page 79 Since Celia 's my Foe Page 90 Strephon what enviom Cloud bath made Page 117 T. THe delights of the Bottle and charms of good Wine Page 5 Tell me no more you live Page 3 'T is not enough great Gods 't is not enough Page 5 The Pot and the Pipe Page 28 'T is late and cold stir up the fire Page 42 Thou joy of all hearts and delight of all Eyes Page 52 To play upon a Viol if Page 60 They call they call what noise is that Page 62 Tyrant thou seek'st in vain Page 63 Thou art so fair and cruel to● Page 67 Turn off the Glass 't is a crime to see 't full Page 73 'T was in the pleasant Month of May Page 75 The Glories of our Birth and State Page 77 Thou fair Vsurper of my Fate Page 88 The World is grown mad and turn'd upside down Page 109 Take oh take those Lips away Page 145 V. Venus chanc't to love a Boy Page 42 W. VVHy should so much beauty fear Page 1 What sighs and groans now fill my breast Page 6 Why should Friends and Kindred gravely make thee Page 7 Were Celia but as chast as fair Page 14 What a madness it is to give over our drink●●ing Page 15 When a Woman that 's bux●m to a D●tard doth Wed Page 16 When first I saw fair Celia 's face Page 21 What mean the dull Poets themselves to abuse Page 22 When I see the young Men play Page 24 Where the Bee sucks there suck I Page 27 Woman who is by Nature wild Page 30 What an Ass is he Page 48 When first my free heart Page 53 What does the fair Clariza mean Page 55 When 〈◊〉 my dear Delia my heart did surprize Page 61 What shall we do Page 66 Why lovely Celia should I fear Page 70 Whilst Alexis lay prest Page 72 What makes you all so dull Page 76 When Aurelia first I courted Page 78 Why should we not laugh and be jolly Page 80 Why Phillis to me so untrue and unkind Page 89 When youth do agree to be merry and free Page 108 Where ever I am and what ever I do Page 122 When I shall leave this clod of clay Page 128 With an old Song made by an ancient old pate Page 145 Y. YOu Lovers Love on Page 29 You merry Poets old Boys Page 39 Ye she-friends and he-frriends Page 85 AN INDEX DIRECTING How to find out any of the aforegoing Letters in their proper Pages A Father to his Son at School in the Countrey Page 49 The Sons Answer Page 50 A Citizen returning his Friend kind thanks for his entertainment when he was in the Countrey Page 51 The countrey Gentleman's Answer to the Citizen Page 52 A merry Letter to invite a Friend to the Tavern Page 52 His Friend's Answer Page 53 A Letter from a Gentleman to a young Lady whom he courted to marry Page 54 The young Ladies answer Page 55 A Countrey Farmers Son to one of his Neighbours Daughters Page 56 Her kind Answer Page 57 A Letter to court a young Widdow who had lately buried her Husband Page 57 The Widdows Answer Page 59 A Merchant to his Factor in the East-Indies Page 60 The Factor's Answer Page 61 A Letter to disswade a Friend from marrying Page 61 The Young Man's merry Answer Page 64 A Letter of Anger sent to his Friend for an affrent given at their last meeting Page 66 His Friend 's short Answer Page 67 A Letter to chastise a near Kinsman who was given to Extravagancy Page 67 His Kinsman's Answer Page 69 A Letter from a Countrey Shop-keeper to a Grocer in London for commodities Page 70 The London Grocer's Auswer to his Countrey Chapman Page 71 A Letter from a Citizen to his Friend in the Countrey to send him up a Prentice Page 72 The Countrey Gentleman's kind Answer Page 73 A Letter of advice for health Page 73 The Gentleman's Answer Page 74 A Letter to his Friend in praise of his Mitress Page 75 His Friend 's merry Answer in praising his foul Mistress by the Contraries Page 77 A Letter sent to his Friend a Sommerset shire Man full of Complements Page 80 The Sommerset-shire Man's clowish Answer in their own Countrey Language Page 81 A loving Letter sent to a Gentle-woman Page 82 The Gentle-woman's kind Answer Page 83 A Letter from a Gentle-woman to her Husband who had buried her Child in the Country Page 85 The Husband's Answer Page 86 A Letter to congratulate a Friend's happy return from his long Journey Page 86 The Captain's thank ful Answer to his Friend's Letter expressed with many Complements Page 88 A hasty Letter to his Cousin Page 89 His Consin's hasty Answer Page 90 A Letter sent to his Friend condoling his long sickness Page 90 The sick Man's thank ful Answer Page 91 A Letter to perswade a Friend to betake himself to business Page 92 His Friend 's short Answer Page 94 A Letter from an Elder Brother to the Younger reproving him of extravagancy Page 95 The Younger Brother's Answer Page 96 A Letter sent from a London Quaker to one of his Country Brethren Page 98 The Country Quaker's Answer Page 99 A Letter of Excuse Page 99 The Gentleman's Answer Page 100 A Letter sent to a Gentleman in way of petition Page 101 The Gentleman's Answer Page 102 A Letter from a Gentleman to a Countrey School-master concerning putting his Son to School with him Page 103 The Schoolmaster 's Answer Page 104 A kind Letter to a Gentle-woman with a Ring sent as a token Page 105 The Gentle womans Answer Page 106 A Letter sent to a Gentleman as a challenge Page 106 The Answer Page 107 A Letter desiring his Friend to acquaint him with what news is stirring Page 108 His Friends Answer Page 109 A dunning Letter sent from a Creditor to his Debtor for Money Page 110 The Debtor's Answer Page 111 A Letter to perswade a Friend to marry Page 112 His Friend's Answer Page 114 A Letter complaining of such long silence in his Friend in writing no oftner to him Page 115 His Friend's Answer Page 116 A cunning Letter sent to a crafty Friend to borrow Money Page 116 The Answer Page 117 A Letter to his angry Sweet-heart Page 118 Her short but loving Answer Page 118 A Letter upon the delay of a courtesie desired Page 119 The Answer Page 119 A Letter of Counsel and good advice from a Father to his Son Page 120 The Son 's dutiful Answer Page 121 A merry Letter after the old fashion sent to a Maid Page 121 Her Answer Page 123 A Letter from a Father to a Son at the Vniverfity Page 123 The Son's Answer Page 125 A Danghters Letter to her Mother Page 126 The Mothers kind Answer Page 127 A Letter of comfort sent to a Friend in adverfity Page 127 His Friend 's thank ful Answer Page 128 A Letter sent to a Friend perswading him that he was a Cuckold Page 129 His Friend's Answer Page 130 A Fantastical Comical Letter sout to a Friend to try both his wit and patience Page 131 The Answer Page 132 A Conceited Letter from a Countrey Schoolmaster who thought himself to be a great Scholar Page 132 The Gentleman's Answer Page 133 A contional Letter from a Husband to his Young Wife in the Country Page 134 His Wifes Answer Page 135 A Letter to invite a Friend to a Wedding Page 136 His Friend's Answer Page 137 A Letter of farewel sent to a Friend from one that was going a long Journey Page 138 The Answer Page 139 How to begin Letters with Complements Page 140 Supplements with choice Phrases and Sentences to be used in the middle of Letters upon all occasions Page 151 Conclusions and Endings of Letters of all sorts and upon all occasions Page 157 Superscriptions for Letters suitable for all Degrees and Qualities of Men and Women Page 16● Posies for Rings or Motto's fit for presents Page 166 FINIS
only Jocose but be it true or false or what it will I am not much concern'd about it if this answer will not give you satisfaction you must expect no other from me however I shall not fear to come into your company at that place where I us'd to find you Yours as you please to think R. S. A Letter to chastise a near Kinsman who is given to Extravagancies Cousin John THe daily noise which rings about the Country of your extravagancies and great debaucheries causes me at present to write to you not in anger but by way of advice desiring that you would see your own folly and learn to be wiser before it be too late I had thought truly that the University had qualified you better then I perceive it has for instead of growing better as you grow older you now grow worse since you went to London I must confess I have nothing to do with your concerns only as a Relation and instead of a Father which indeed you want to give you good counsel and to desire you in time to forsake bad company for they in the end will ruine both Soul and Body and truly your Estate will soon decay if you hold on spending as you begin though at present it is large enough I wish that Women and Wine be not your Master which if you avoid I shall not doubt in the least but you will do well enough How many fine young Gentlemen have I seen that by over-drinking themseives have been brought to ruine and untimely deaths For when their brains are intoxicated and the blood inflam'd with high drinking then are they fit for all manner of vice some in that mad humour run to common Strumpets where they get the foul Discase sometimes uncurable to their everlasting shame and disgrace others in that heat of blood engage themselves by oath to kill the next Man they meet he not giving them the least affront which brings them deservedly to the publick place of execution to suffer death the due reward of such crying fins Therefore dear Cozen let the thought of these things reflect upon your Soul that you may appear odious and terrible in your eyes and apprehension and that God may turn your heart and let you see the evil of your ways is the prayers of Your ever-loving Kinsman R. W. The young Man's Answer Good Cousin I Received your Letter wherein I hear you find scandalous reports of me in the Countrey I admire who should be the Messenger that brings this ill news to you I find my reputation is very much abused and if you will be so kind to me as to let me know the Authour of it I shall make bold to require such satisfaction of him as shall become a Gentleman to demand I am apt to think that you ground those ill characters you give me upon suspicion for certainly no Man nor Woman can be so audacious as to blaze abroad such infamous and undeserved calumnies without the least ground for their so doing however I am not the first that has been abused in this Nature I thank God I know my self clear of those great enormities which are alledged against me and laid to my charge which is a real satisfaction to my self though not to you and the rest of my friends and if I may be believed before those insinnating Sycophants who value not to stain a Mans Reputation for a meals Meat I think I am as little given or addicted to keep ill company as any Gentleman in Town I cannot deny but that I do drink Wine and will do if I can git Money to buy it and I hope I shall not want so much as will purchase a bottle or two of Wine all my Life-time but if perchance I do I must then leave it off and not before yet thus much I can safely say that I never drunk so much that I was thereby deprived of my senses though I know there is too many which are guilty of that crime But as for a common Whore or Strumpet as you call them I defie and hate like the Devil neither am I a great admiver of any Woman-kind though never so honest therefore free from those debaucheries you lay to my charge However I give you many thanks for your good admonition and desire that you will be satisfied that I am not the Man that report says I am But your loving Kinsman J. S. A Letter from a Countrey Shopkeeper to a Grocer in London for Commodities Sir I Received the last goods you sent me but they were not so good as I expected whether I must impute it to be your fault in not sending the best or whether those sort of commodities are not generally so good as they used to be some other years I cannot easily resolve my self however I am not willing to harbour an ill opinion of you presently but am resolved to try you farther therefore I would desire you to send me down by the next return of our Carrier four hundred weight of the best new Raisins of the Sun two frails of Malago Raisins and the same quantity of each sort of Spice as you sent me last pray let them be all very good else you will quite disoblige me for dealing with you any more I have not sent you any Money but do intend God willing to be in Town my self about a Month hence and then I will bring Money and clear all concerns between us no more at present but that I am Your loving Friend and honest Chapman D. F. A Letter from the London Grocer to his Countrey Chapman Loving Friend I Received your Letter and according to your desire I have sent you down those Commodities you writ to me for they are all of the very best and I doubt not but will give you very good content as for those which I sent you formerly which you find fault with I was not to be blam'd for they were the very choicest I had then in my Shop and I dare boldly say as good as any Man had in London at that time though I cannot say they were as good as these are which I have sent you now you need not question but my care shall be to serve you to the best of my power as for your Money you need not so much as mention it for I know your pay to be very good and will trust you as far as you shall desire your self I would desire you to keep account in your Book what Goods you receive from me that when we come to reckon there may be no difference betwixt us thus wishing you good Markets I rest Your friend to serve you to the utmost of my power R. W. A Letter from a Citizen to his Friend in the Countrey to send him up an Apprentice Loving Countrey-man I Being now made a Freeman of London have taken a House and Shop and my greatest want at present is a Countrey Lad that would willingly put himself an
and this small Token which I have sent you which is a Barrel of Oysters I heartily recommend you to the protection of the Almighty who is the only keeper and preserver of all Men and all things I take my leave presuming to write my self Yours to serve you by night or day W. W. The Sommerset-shire Man's clownish Answer in their own Countrey Language Zir I Received a piece of Paper from you which I think Volks call a Letter but when I pulled it open I am zure I could not tell wone letter in it I gave it to wone of our Neighbours that is to zay wone of our Town that is to zay wone that dwells within two or three doors of our door a little thick way and he being a better Scholard than my present zelf made hard shift to pick out the words but the Devil a bit of zense can I vind in it you talk of obliging and vavours in my Conscience Zir you be not like me wont jot nor do I vavour you at all you also talk of gratitude and merits I 'le zwear I do not know what to make of your Lingua my Neighbour tells me that it is Latin and I wonder that you would write Latin to me you know I cannot stand under it and in truth you shall be no zervant of mine I will have no zuch zervants as for your writing our Volks put it in the Virt and vor those shells you zent I know not how you call them I een mended our do or with them and zo I thank you vor em when you come again you shall be welcome to your old Friend Dick Downright A loving Letter sent to a Gentle-woman Madam IN what a multitude of sorrows I am involved since you went out of Town no Tongue is able to express nor Pen to write Had you commanded me with open breast to have stood before you whilst you had took my own Sword and had pierced my now bleeding heart I could then more willingly have suffered a death by your hand then thus long to undergo a continual torment for want of your good company Ah Madam you know my Heart is with you how can you be so cruel to make me heartless live thus long without you can you forget those pleasant Evening hours which we together spent beguiling time which gently slid away the silent night not daring to disturb our harmless mirth and innocent delight whilst on my knees you sate my loving Arms did circle round and gently grasp your small and tender body you sometimes would ravish all my sences with a Song whilst I amazed at your warbling Notes charmed to a silence and gaz'd upon your powerful sparkling eyes whose double lustre would pierce a heart more hard and more obdurate then is the Adamant Then Madam then stealing of a kiss was not content but rob'd you still of more I kist so long that I at length perceiv'd my self to be the looser for all that time my heart and soul departed from my breast and vow'd they would possess a nobler Room then into your sweet bosom both did fly and begg'd an entertainment which you gave and seem'd to cherish them with warm desire I was content and was glad they had made choice of you to he their Guandian provided I might be a visitant to come and see they no disorders bred within your quiet breast But now alas dear Madam you have left me comfortless I am left to sigh and and breath my passion out unto the open Air without redress and cannot comfort find till you return Then Madam on my knees I beg return and give me ease unless you do intend to be my death by staving longer from me thus to the powers above I do commit you desiring you to pity him who is Your languishing Lover R. T. The Gentle-womans kind Answer My sweet Soul LEt not your passion over-much disturb your rest and quiet sleep secure and know that I an equal sharer of your grief do sigh and mourn in private all alone not daring to disclose my unknowne waes unto the open Air far fear some blast should whisp 〈◊〉 this my discontent I am therefore forc'd to bide my mistries and for a time conceal my Inward pain 〈◊〉 then undergo the angry s●owns of an unkind Father whom I fear would count my loving you a disobedience My study is to run a safer course and by degrees to penetrate the Breast of my indulgent Mother telling her the noble love which I bear in my b●som is placed on you and none but you alone shall make her Daughters Bride then on my knees I 'le beg of her to mollifie the fury of my too rigurous Father who hath forgot since be first trod the paths of youthful love My hopes are still that she will moderate his strict severity and make him yeild to gratifie our loves by his good will and make us ever happy with his blessing who knows but these my hopes may take effect My Mother loves me with a tender love and when she sees my resolution fixt to marry you and with no other Man I know she 'l never rest till she overcome my Father with entreaties to be kind Then will our meeting be again with joy But if at last my expectations sail and that my Father will not give consent we should enjoy each other yet be sure I 'le never leave my Dear until cold Death shall seize my body and from thence divide my Heart and Soul which are not in his power them I 'le bequeath to thee my dearest Love for they indeed already are thy own I know I have thy loving Heart and Soul within my Breast where they shall safely dwell My Father's cruelties shall not molest their happy being neither will I long detain them at this distance from my Love For let my aged Parents frown or smile within this Month I 'le fly into thy Arms and never part till floods of joyful tears have washt away all sorrows from our hearts and hands that nought but Death shalt part us In true constancy I remain thine alone S. V. A Letter from a Gentle-woman to her Husband who had buried her Child in the Country Loving Husband I Must now acquaint you with sorrowful and I suppose unexpected news if tears and sighs of a broken hearted Wife will give me leave to write to you which is that cruel death who favours neither infancy youth nor old Age has deprived us of our pretty sweet boy which was the only joy and comfort of our lives and truly grief has almost done its worst with me for I bewailing of this our great loss am brought so low that I think I shall scarce recover my self to be able ever more to come again and see thee his sickness held him but three days before he died else I had sent you word but now it is too late for we shall never see him more I borrowed Money of my Landlady where I am