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A70310 The Travels of Don Francisco de Quevedo through terra australis incognita discovering the laws, customs, manners and fashions of the south Indians : a novel, originally in Spanish. Quevedo, Francisco de, 1580-1645.; Hall, Joseph, 1574-1656.; Gentili, Alberico, 1552-1608. 1684 (1684) Wing H422A; ESTC R40274 55,450 211

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your Mouth to this Tap and suck till you be able to stand no longer but fall flat to the ground and so must you lie under the Spout till all be run out upon you How like you this Faith not altogether so delightful qnoth I But pray tell me was there ever any Strangers that offered this Sacrifice All All quoth he not a man escapes it Too 't he must in spite of his nose some will come willingly but others are fain to be hailed to their Teat like a Bear to the Stake Well Sir quoth I but I le be jogging only I intreat you to inform me what Country in this Tract is next in Dignity to this of yours and worthiest of a Travellers observation and he told me Brandy-Burgh by some called Liquor-Ardence it is under the Government of Sir Limbeck-Stilletory a Knight of the Noble Family of King Cups so leading me forth shewed me the way as plain as Dunstable-Road and then courteously gave me the Basio Les Manos and I thanked him heartily for his Valiendo and parted Of Brandy-burgh or Liquor-Ardens and of the Pilgrimage of St. Brochio ALl alone I took my way toward the North leaving the River Forth behind me untill I came to Spews-bury the filthiest Town that ever I saw since my Mother bound my head I staid not long there I had not need but passed on till I came to Coopers-Norton a pretty well seated Village but not a drop of Water was to be got in it for Love nor Mony The Reason is as I heard afterwards lest they should mix it with the Wine and so prove bad Common-VVealths men I was as much troubled with Pots and Flaggons in my Journey as a Traveller in Spain or Italy is with Crosses I could not go two Miles to an end but I should find a bouncing Tankard kennell'd under an Arch and Drink I must no gain-saying the Laws At last I overtook a Traveller in a Tatter'd Cassock of Haircloath Bare-Foot and bare-Headed and demanding whither he Travell'd Sir quoth he on Pilgrimage to St. Brochio of Bottles-brook I questioned him at large of the Towns Scituation and Discipline and also of the Virtues of this St. Brochio Quoth he Bottles-brook is seated in the Confines of Brandy-burgh in the Town is a Temple of Bacchus-Fiery-Face They call it Chappel Ardent The top of this Temple is all set with Carbuncles and sparkling Diamonds and Rubies very Rich to behold And from the Embowed Arch there drops they say a king of hot Fuming Liquor which is received into a Vessel placed for that purpose whose Virtue is such that if one drink a large Draught of it with good Devotion he shall never after either be Drunk before Noon or Thirst before Midnight both which helps may do me much good for I am a man so imployed in my Country that I can never lye in my Bed till Midnight for Thirst nor never Rise in the Morning but before Noon I am Drunk and fast asleep again therefore have I gone these three days without Drinking because I would merit the more of this Holy Saint when I come there nor dares any importune me to Drink or any in my company as long as I wear this Weed I was glad of so good a Priviledge and intreated his Company and Patronage VVell we went Chatting on untill I observing the Soyl altered asked where we were now This Country quoth he ever since we came over the Lake-Metheglin is called the County of Vsquebah being the first Shire of Brandy-burgh it is not so well Husbanded yet is more fertil than our County of Wine-cester both in Fatness of Soil and pureness of Ayr the People of this Nation are generally Slovenly and of a Fierce and Terrible Aspect yet they used us very kindly we lodg'd in a little City I have forgot the Name of it very quietly for we found almost all the Town dead Drunk at our coming and left them so at our parting And next day Travelling through many Craggy Fenny Woody passages we arrived at a Famous Port-Town called Aqua Fort Now quoth I being as weary as a Dog is not this Bottles-brook No quoth he but chear up for we go not a Foot more by Land all the rest of our Journey is by VVater VVell to Ship we went and by this time imagine us Lanched into the Main Ocean but what an eminent Danger think you we escaped there Our Marriners were all as drunk as Wheelbarrows not a man could guide himself one was asleep at the Helm another going about to Row fell overboard whom two more seeking to hall up again had not we two held them had both fallen after a third quarrels and layes a fourth over the Pate for not helping his fellow he strikes again and too 't they go fight Dog fight Bear All the rest divided themselves into two partyes now flew the ponderous Oars about their Ears and hand Spikes and Pump-staves The water was quiet and every one used his Oar in the Air but indeed they were easily knocked down whose hamstrings Bacchus had already cut in two only two stood Conquerors who being too weary of the Massacree fell upon us but we scorning to be put down by a couple of walking Tankards got up a Brace of Cudgels disarm'd them bound them fast to the Mast and play'd the Sailors our Selves but our Vessel sympathizing with her Antient Masters did so reel from side to side that had not a brisk gale sprung us forward we had laid our Bones in the Bottom of those Seas As we passed on I descried as-far off a high smoaking Land and enquiring of my Fellow Traveller how it was called That Smoak quoth he comes out of Mount Dennis wherein the Souls of such as lived too sober are purified by Fire until some of their Living-Friends go on Pilgrimage to Chappel-Ardent for a Bottle of St. Brochio's Liquor and powring it upon their Tombs they are freed I smiled at this and thought now sure I have found the Original of Purgatory Well by that time our Sailers were sober our Ship became drunk for we sustained a most Terrible Tempest which lasted all night in most violent manner but growing somewhat calmer with the dayes approach we with comfort had the prospect of our desired Port which in little time though with great difficulty we attained I was cold and faint and the motion of the Ship had so jumbled my brains together that my head seem'd to turn round upon my shoulders as if it had been set on with a Swivel I wished heartily for a Dram of Dr. Stephens and entering the first door I found open got such refreshment as the Country afforded and whilest I was thus recruiting my Spirits my fellow Traveller seeing a sheet or Writing Paper lye on the Counter exercised his skill in Poetry expressing the Terror of the late Storm at which I was very well pleased and therefore took a Copy which take you as freely All Round
nor Deed. II. That I should never Interrupt a Woman in her Talk III. That I should commit the whole Rule of the House to my Wife IV. That I should never betray any Womans Secrets V. That I should never deny my Wife any Womans Ornaments VI. That I should continually no matter whether right or wrong declare the praise of Women for Beauty Wit and Eloquence and defend it against all men Now therefore you see my Tongue is tyed by Oath not to tell all the Cunundrums that I saw amongst these mad Wenches somewhat I may say but no harm and I le venture to stretch as far as I can without Violating my Oath Their Forms of Government and Elections of Persons of State THeir State is popular each one seeking Superiority and avoiding Obedience they have no absolute Laws but do every thing by the number of their Voices But the manner of giving up their Votes amazed me being unacquainted therewith for they set up a cry altogether none gives ear but every one yells as if she were stark staring mad They hold a continual Parliament about their more Weighty Affairs of State now this continuance is necessary because of their Laws uncertainty for the Decrees of this Day may be all disanulled to morrow but the same day they cannot lest their Law-givers should seem unconstant Every ones voice is a like in worth the whole City through but not every ones Dignity for they have a certain number of chosen Women which they call Gravesses and these have great Authority and Honour in each particular City but they are not born to this Dignity but Elected They had once a Custom to Elect those Gravesses by Vote from amongst themselves but every one giving her Vote for her self only it bred a strange confusion which made them Abolish that kind of Election and make a Decree that only such should have a Right to Vote as would profess themselves neither Young Fair nor Eloquent and this brought all things to as bad a pass as the other extream for now there was not one that would Vote for any body at all so that the State was like to want Governesses At length they all agreed and that was very strange to pass over those places of Electresses unto Twelve of the most aged Matrons of Old Mumping-ton a ruinous Village hard by giving them the glorious Titles of Electres Gravessial to set them the more agog to perform their charges Insted of Scepters and Swords the Gravesses have Fans and Glasses born before them great square Christal Glasses And allwayes as they pass along through the Streets they prink up their Atires and Ornaments and set their Bulls and curl'd Towrs in even and decent Order The Original of the Shee-Landesses THere are few of these Shee-Landesses born in this Nation and those are such as are transported hither in their Mothers bellies but the Principal Inhabitants are either such as will needs wear their Husbands Breeches or such as the Husbands Jealousie Banishes these run Flocking from all parts hither Now all such as are their Husbands Masters and are thereupon banished for their unjust claim to Soveraignty these are assigned to inhabit the frontiers of Shee-Landt especially in the Countries of Shrows-burgh and there they are all put in Garrisons But as for those that are Voluntier Exiles being generally of Meek Spirits they are seated in the heart of the Land to become Votaresses to Peace and Beauty Yet there is no fear that this weal Publick should go to ruine for want of Members and I le tell you why because there are so many Voluntiers comes to this Camp that the fear is rather want of room for new Inhabitants then otherwise I am in great fear lest my Country Women should have any understanding of this State for if once they scent it or get the least smatch of this Land of uncontrouled Liberty we may e'ne go hang our selves for the Devil a Female will stay amongst us nay which will be dreadful we shall not have one big-Belly left to lay the Foundation of a future Age by Therefore let me intreat you Sir as you love the preservation of our Linneage and the General Multiplication of Mankind be silent in this so important a matter and keep this Secret as it highly concerns us undiscovered from our giddy Females unless we can find a better means of Generation Of Giglot-Tangier AT Gossip-Ingoa I Obtained besides my Freedom the Cities Letters for my pasport and from thence took my way towards Giglot-Tangier a Country lying upon the South part of Woman-Decoia toward Letcheritania the Land of it self in these parts is the Worlds Paradice It is not many Leagues from Loves-Den which is the first Town in this Road here I entred into an Aire as delicately scented as if all the Perfumers in England had lately played their prizes here for Soveraignty The whole Country round about is crowded with Apothecaries and Pomandrificoes The Women of this Wapentake are generally Tall and Excellent●y adorned with Millinery and Rich Laces only they practice the Art of Cheek-oyling too much thereby to help the defects of Nature by the Effects of Art they wear nothing on their Faces nor on their Breasts for their Habit it is fair in show light in weight and so easie to mount with the smallest puff of Ayr some of them have their Naked parts crusted over with gross painting but this is most commonly used by the Commoners of Merritrixton who are now no entire Nation but scattered as are the Jews in Europe through all the Provinces of Shee-Landt The Women of Shameless for so they call the Shire-Town of Giglot-Tangier have their Houses Except four Pillars that supports the Roof built all with Muscovy Glass as transparent as Air. It is lost labour to seek any of them at home unless you make your Inquest immediately upon their dressing-time or somewhat before but lay your Plot to seek them at a Play house or in a Tavern and it stands upon a good Foundation for there you may be sure to find them in droves either Laughing Singing or Danceing or very diligently imployed in some such Exercise all the Afternoon There is one Street in this Town where are more Danceing Schools then there are Colledges both in Oxford and Cambridg and produces more Practitioners and Proficients and since the Inhabitants are so merrily conceited Take the account in four or five Brace of Gingles High-Clif-Rad-Way for so the Street is Named For frisking Female Academies Famed The Language of the Feet is there Instructed And though some Brisk Ones daily are deducted From those well-Peopl'd Schools whose constant Trade is To teach true Vaulting to the Youthful Ladies There still remains such Crowds of Beauteous Ones Would stock a Court as Large as Solomons But leaving to their Studies my Brisk Lasses To Shrows-Burgh I from Giglot-Tangier passes But leaving the Road on my Right hand Noot a boon Sax Mayls an a waa Bit
according to the pronounciation of the Natives wide of this Town of Shameless lieth Sluts Burrow Or as the Neighbour Countries call it Scotts-Brough To this Town though it was out of my way I Travelled because I would pass by no curiosities and here I was fitted The Air I think might be wholesome but for the stinking Inhabitants Their Beasts hereabouts as there are a great many are generally small women only excepted They have great store of Fowl also as foul Houses foul Wollen foul Linnen foul Pots foul Dishes and foul Trenchers I saw but little Grass but what was in their Pottage The word Hay is heathen Greek to them neither Man nor Beast knowes what it means I made but small stay here for I thought it not safe unless a man could have for every Morsel which he eats an Antidote therefore by the same way I came I returned toward Shrows-Burg and glad was I that I was got into the fresh Air again Of Shrews-Burg IN my return from the Confines Giglot-Tangier being now upon the most Western Angle of the same I happened just as my Staff fell into the Country of Shrews-Burg the only Garrison of this Feminine Government and the only defence it hath against Foreign Invasions Here I was finely gull'd for seeing Persons in the Habits of men this is good thought I I am now gotten out of Woman-Decoia but when all came to all I found my self palpably cousen'd with a borrowed shape for in this Country Women wear Breeches and long Perriwigs and Men go with their Chins naked in Jesticoes and Petticoats Spinning and Carding Wool whilest their Wives discharge the main Affairs of State the Barbarians in Aristotles time never used their Women half so Imperiously as the men are used here the poor Snakes dare not so much as wipe their Mouths unless their Wives bid them nor so much as visit the places of ease or speak a word with their best Friend but they must first come to their Wives with a Petition of Quaeso Magristra Good Mistris give me leave to go c. I Observed this Custom strictly required and the neglect more narrowly peeped into one certain day when I was there than at other times The reason was because some of the better-spirited Husbands disdaining to be chained in this unmanly Subjection by their Tyrannizing Wives had laid a Plot among themselves to rise unanimously on an appointed Night in open Armes and on a sudden against this Female Government thereby resolving to shake off this Infamous and Disgraceful Servitude This Plot had took very good Effect had not Misfortune crossed their good Intentions and Valiant Resolutions Which was by the Means of one Cowardly low-Spirited narrow-Soul'd Henhearted Fellow of their confideracy who being threatned by his Wife to be soundly cudgeled for some other private Fault to procure himself a pardon went and Revealed the whole Plat-form of the Conspiracy just the Evening before the Night appointed for the performance The Women sit at meat and the Men attend the Women sleep and the Men watch the Women scold and fight while the Men are fain to ward with their ears head and shoulders What an uncomly sight was it to see a Distaff and Spindle in a Mans hand and a Sword and Buckler in a Womans yet I concealed my dislike as well as I could desiring only to see without suffering If any Woman use her Husband somewhat gentlier than Ordinary as some of them are tender-hearted she is presently informed against and cited to appear before the High Court of Parliament of Shrews-Burg and there Indicted of High Treason against the State her next Neighbours give Evidence against her with such a noise and fury that it is strange to see their Impatience If she be but convicted by the smallest circumstance that is she is immediately condemn'd to this Punishment first she must change attires with her Husband and then shave off all her hair and so being led by a strong Guard of armed Shrews-Burgisses through the Market-place to the High-Cross where she must stand one whole day upon the Pillory as an Object to all the fleering Scoffs and Derisions of those Crouds of Spectatresses nor shall the man escape scot-free for being so audatious to accept of the favours offered by his Wife without a modest refusal And when the Woman comes home she must not put off those Garments or reassume her others until she brings a Cudgel into the Court all died with the fresh blood of her Husbands broken pate He that out-liveth his Wife must either marry his Maid and be sworn to her service as he was to his former Wives or else he must become Slave to the next Neighbours Wife wherein he hath this favour allowed to chose whether to his right-hand Neighbours or to his left-hand Neighbours and this Law they call An Act of Grace For no man in this City may be the Ruler of his own House In this Country when the Wife goeth forth either to Wars Consultations or for pleasure she leaveth her Keys and therewith her whole Authority and Government to her Maid or her Daughter either of which if the Husband but once mutter against or grumble to obey nay should he but pout or go unwillingly about the performance of his duty his shoulders are sure to suffer severely for it at his Wives return unless he can either begg or bribe the Silence of the Deputy-Governesses They never Lye with their Husbands but when an Appetite for you know what makes them sharp set for that they hold would procure too much Familiarity Notwithstanding If the Husband arise not out of his Cabbin in the entry or under the Stairs before the Wife be warm in her Bed and coming up stairs barefoot knock three times very gently at her Chamber door and offer her his Service in a Low voice and wait her Answer he is sure to be Dissiplin'd with a Bastinado next Morning The Women of this Country observe a Fashion directly contrary to Ours for they clip their hair and let their Nailes grow long There are also certain amongst them that are Professors of the Noble Science of Offence and keep Free-Schools wherein the rest are taught all the Wards Offencive and Defencive both of Heels Nails and Teeth as also the most Exact and modish Methods of Clawing off the Skin of Mens Faces Picking out of Eyes Biting of Arms wringing of Ears and tearing of Hair These Lectures they are instructed in both by Precept and Practice I met many of my own Country men was it not very strange in a Country so remote whom I knew by sight as well as a Beggar knows his dish These Acquaintance like true Friends gave me Cautions from their own Experiences of what Inconveniencies might attend me in staying here Long or being over-curious to inspect their Customs and Manners also giving me such directions which with heed I Observed And following their Advices found the way at length though